


Meant to be (Loki x reader)

by lokiedokiee



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Avenger Loki (Marvel), F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Reader-Insert, Soulmates, uhh some cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 82
Words: 185,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22272313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokiedokiee/pseuds/lokiedokiee
Summary: A Loki x reader slow burn...You've been living unhappily with your foster parents for years and hiding your magical abilities, until one day Thor accidentally throws a bus at your head and you get recruited as an Avenger trainee. Your world is turned upside down, and a certain god of mischief arrives at the Avengers Tower to escalate the matter further. This fanfiction follows your progress through living life at the Avengers Tower with the team, and slowly but surely getting to know and like the god of mischief and lies.
Relationships: Loki/Reader, Reader/Loki
Comments: 401
Kudos: 1098





	1. In which Thor throws a bus at your head

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I've been putting off posting this for ages because I've been working on it for so long and I'm so afraid to release my child out into the world! But it's finally happening, I will probably post it here first, and then to Wattpad and maybe Tumblr, I haven't decided yet. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, I'll try and update weekly or maybe more, we'll see what happens :) Please leave a comment if you like it, I love hearing what you guys think of my work! Also, someone please think of a good name for this fic other than 'slow burn' because my mind is blank !  
> Happy reading <3

Your day had actually been going quite well. That should have been the first warning sign that things were about to go horribly wrong.

You’d thankfully managed to avoid conversation with your foster parents as you had left the flat before they’d woken up this morning, and your college professor had given your latest project a glowing review, something you’d been stressing about a lot recently. It was pay day, which meant you were one step closer to finally being able to buy your own apartment and, most importantly, today marked one month with no sign of the purple mist. 

You should have guessed that it was too good to be true. It was half past five on Friday afternoon, and you were slowly making your way from college back to the flat, taking the longest route through the streets of New York as possible. It had always been just a flat rather than a home, you’d never truly felt at home there. Or anywhere else, really.

You were walking slowly because you knew what was waiting for you - the price to pay for walking out without saying anything this morning. It was stupid, you weren’t afraid anymore, but the thought of going back to that place made you so depressed.

This was what you were thinking about when you heard the screams. They were quickly followed by a loud screech of metal and a cry of “look out!” You spun around right in time to see a bus flying through the air towards you.

There was no time to think, no time to yell or run, just a split second of disbelief before the bus was on top of you. More screaming. That might have been you, but you had just had a bus thrown at you to be fair. 

What a way to die. 

But… how were you still thinking if you were dead? Slowly cracking your eyes open, you exhaled heavily, your heart racing.

You were inside the bus. Surrounded by the purple mist. There was a hole in the side of the bus which you had somehow just broken through inside your protective purple bubble of a shield.

Guess it was back to zero days of no mist.

You could hear panicked voices from outside, probably coming from the people who had apparently just seen a girl crushed by a bus. Suddenly the bus was lifted clean off of the floor and moved away from you; the purple mist disappeared. There were gasps of shock from the people who had gathered around the scene, which you initially thought were directed at you.

“Apologies, I don’t usually make a habit of throwing vehicles on top of innocent bystanders.”

You turned around to see where the deep voice had come from, and came face to face with a very large, very solid chest. Looking up, your eyes met a pair of bright blue ones, surrounded by a mass of long blonde hair. 

You’d just had a bus thrown at you by Thor.

As in, Thor from the Avengers. God of Thunder.

“Er, no worries.” you replied, and immediately cursed yourself for being so socially awkward. 

“Yes, Stark, I’m still here... yes!” Thor said loudly and suddenly, pressing a finger to his ear. Great. He was on the phone to Tony Stark. He’d probably heard what you’d said too. That was mortifying.

“Farewell.” Thor said to you, and launched himself into the sky to who knows where.

“Bye.” you said weakly to the empty spot in front of you. You needed to sit down. 

Ignoring all the people around you who were still staring and pointing, you hurried away from the scene and collapsed on the first bench you came to, thoroughly shaken. Never mind Thor, the purple mist had just saved your life. You’d lived in constant fear of it, and it had just saved your ass from literal death. You needed to get back to your room, maybe it was time to find out some more about the mist.

You took a deep breath as you walked up the stairway of your block of flats, bracing yourself as you approached your flat, and unlocked the door. The minute you walked in, you were confronted.

“And where have you been?”

“At college.”

“College finished ages ago, don’t think you can lie to me young lady!”

You stood there and allowed your foster ‘dad’, if you could even call him that, to yell at you, as you had so many times before. You tuned out, as you so often had, and thought instead about your encounter with Thor earlier on. Odd for him to have just brushed off the fact that you hadn’t been squashed by that bus. Although, he was probably used to seeing weird things like that.

“Are you even listening to me?”

He’d been drinking again. He was loud when he was drunk. You hated it. Hated him.

“What, are you deaf now? Answer me!”

A sudden wave of rage coursed through you, and you felt an odd burning sensation behind your eyes, almost like you were about to start crying. You blinked hard, and looked up at the man who had ‘raised’ you, the man who had made your childhood a misery.

He stumbled backwards into the wall, his expression changing from anger to shock to revulsion. You weren’t sure what had made him react like that, but it had shut him up, so you sure as hell weren’t complaining.

“Sorry.” you said bluntly, eager to escape, edging past him to make your way into the small box room that was yours. Your eyes were still burning.

The minute you’d shut the door, you turned to look into the mirror. And stared.

Your eyes were a deep shade of purple. And glowing. After a few seconds of utter shock, you stepped forward to look more closely. It was quite beautiful really, it looked as though the mist was swirling around inside your retinas. And then it was gone. You looked back into your normal Y/E/C eyes and sighed. What the hell was wrong with you?

You collapsed on your bed. It was a miracle that they hadn’t chucked you out by now really, especially after… the accident. In your opinion it wouldn’t be too long before you were made homeless, and then what would happen? Maybe you could join a circus and be part of a freak show, that would earn you some money.

What was there left, really? You had no real family, a small handful of friends who might notice if you went missing off the face of the earth, but life would go on per usual. Without you.

Outside, someone knocked on the door, interrupting your thoughts. Good luck to whoever that was, you thought, with a swell of sympathy for whoever it was at the door about to face the drunken buffoon. You listened, intrigued as the voices became louder and louder, and slid off of your bed to see what was going on. At the end of the corridor you hesitated, pausing to listen.

“What’s goin’ on hun?”

“This oaf is tryna take Y/N! You can’t just rock up here and _take her_ , there’s legal things, like, uh…”

“I’m deeply sorry, but I’m under strict instructions to bring her with me. Y/N could be dangerous.”

Brilliant. Now you were being kidnapped.

“Dangerous? Of course she’s dangerous! She’s a freak! The only reason we’ve kept her around for so long is because she needs to repay us! She owes us thousands, for food, rent…”

“You haven’t paid for anything for me since I was fourteen!”

All three heads snapped around to look at you from the doorway.

“Lady Y/N! Do not worry, I am here to escort you to the Avengers Tower.”

You blanched at what you saw as you looked down the stairs: Thor was stood in your hallway. And had he just said… the Avengers Tower?

“You’re not escorting her anywhere! She is our property, and you…”

You decided to miss the lecture Thor was receiving to run and grab your stuff. You could fit all of your personal belongings in one backpack. You raced from your room, not even deigning to glance backwards, and joined the happy trio back in the hallway. You were out of here.

“Ready to go?” Thor asked, glancing at the small bag you were carrying. You nodded.

“Come on then!” he replied cheerfully over the sound of your foster dad still yelling, and strolled away down the corridor to the stairwell.

“Bye.” you said to the two people stood in the hallway, who you would hopefully never have to see again, and followed Thor out of the door, leaving them shell shocked. You had no idea what you were doing or where you were going, but anything would be better than what you were walking away from.

Surely.


	2. In which you meet the Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd post the first two chapters together, crazy times. To clarify, I don't know how many chapters this is going to have, probably somewhere around the 50 mark? But don't quote me on that. Loki will be arriving soon ;) Leave a comment if you enjoy! <3

You walked alongside Thor to the end of your street, bursting with questions.

“I’m sure you have lots of questions, but I think it best that Stark talks to you first.”

He stopped suddenly underneath a streetlight and turned to look at you.

“I assume you have never flown before? And I’m not talking about those strange metal cans Midgardians use to fly.”

You fought back a smile at that description of a plane.

“No, I haven’t.” you replied.

“Hold on tight then.” he suggested, holding out an arm to gesture you should wrap your arms around him. This was awkward. You wrapped your arms around the God of Thunder, reluctant to hold on too tightly. This changed rapidly as Thor wielded Mjolnir above his head and you rocketed into the sky.

You gave a surprised shriek and tightened your grip considerably, holding on for dear life and squeezing your eyes shut as the ground fell away from beneath your feet. Thankfully it was over fairly quickly, and your feet touched down on solid ground again.

“Apologies, I know that can be quite an overwhelming experience, but it saves us walking.” Thor told you. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yep.” you confirmed shakily, releasing your death grip and opening your eyes. And then your mouth.

Whoa.

You were on top of the Avengers Tower, stood on the giant H painted on the helipad, looking out over the whole of New York city. The sun was just beginning to set, painting the sky with hues of orange, pink and purple. The lights of the city were just starting to appear, spread out far below you and Thor. It was the most gorgeous thing you’d ever seen.

“Come inside Lady Y/N, it is cold.”

You reluctantly tore your eyes away and followed Thor inside, down some stairs.

“Don’t look so nervous, we just want to help you.” Thor told you with a kind smile, which eased your nerves slightly.

“I’m not scared, just… this is all happening very quickly. Ten minutes ago I was lying on my bed questioning my life and now I’m in the Avengers Tower with you about to have a conversation with Tony Stark.”

“Stark isn’t so bad, he may be rich and famous but he’s just a simple Midgardian, like everyone else.”

You weren’t sure whether to be reassured or offended by this comment, even though you knew he’d meant no offense.

At the bottom of the stairs you walked down a long corridor, staying slightly behind Thor. At the end, in front of two large doors he put his hand on your shoulder and squeezed reassuringly.

“You will be fine.”

“What? I’m meant to go in there on my own?”

This was Tony Stark’s penthouse he was talking about, you couldn’t just stroll on in by yourself! You felt like this was some sort of test you had to pass, and it was making you incredibly nervous.

“I shall see you very soon.” Thor replied, and turned to stroll back down the corridor.

Right. Well, you didn’t need him anyway. You’d looked out for yourself your whole life; you could do this on your own too.

…

Why were you not opening the door? Come on Y/N.

Gritting your teeth, you pushed the door open and stepped inside. You looked around at the huge room, which was a sort of kitchen, bar, dining room and lounge all in one. It was empty.

You let out a shaky breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding and relaxed considerably. Tony Stark was only human, as Thor had told you. He was late. You walked over to the floor to ceiling window which stretched across most of the room to watch the rest of the sunset grace the sky over New York. It truly was gorgeous. You caught sight of your reflection in the glass and remembered your purple eyes from earlier, feeling a swell of anxiety rise in your chest. Pushing it down immediately, you told yourself that you’d work it out later on – now wasn’t the time. You stared out of the window and watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, and then watched as the sky began to lose its colour and get slowly darker.

“Not a bad view, huh?”

You turned around abruptly to see Tony Stark stood at the bar, watching you. You hadn’t heard him come in. He smiled.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Tony, Tony Stark.”

“I know.” you replied weakly, trying to return his smile as he walked over to join you by the window. Then you realised how rude that probably sounded.

“Nice to meet you Mr Stark.” you said, holding your hand out. He shook it firmly.

“Tony, please. Good handshake by the way.” he replied, and then gestured to the sofa behind you.

“Shall we sit?”

Once you were both sat on the sofa, he turned to face you with a serious expression.

“So, Y/N, I heard you’ve been through quite an ordeal today? First Thor managed to drop a bus on you, sorry about that by the way.”

You laughed and shrugged.

“Happens to the best of us.” you said. He really laughed at that, and you felt something almost like pride at being able to make him laugh.

“Yes, but you don’t seem to have been seriously injured by that, which I needn’t say is quite abnormal. Do you know what happened? Thor said he thought you used some sort of magic?”

“Is that why I’m here?”

“Yes.”

At least he was honest. If they knew you had some sort of magical ability… maybe they would be able to help you. Maybe they wanted you… no, don’t get ahead of yourself. You struggled not to feel relieved, you needed to talk everything through with Tony first.

“We just want to find out a bit more about you, that’s all. And you don’t seem like a dangerous criminal, so that’s a start.” Tony said with a wink. You laughed.

“No, not a criminal… I’m not so sure about the dangerous part.” you finished quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t exactly know how to use… whatever is it yet. I’ve been calling it the purple mist.”

“But you managed to protect yourself today when you were in danger?”

“That wasn’t me, it was like the mist wanted to protect me. I just stood there, and then I was in a purple bubble inside of a bus.”

Tony stroked his chin, frowning at you.

“That’s interesting. So you’ve never used it before today?”

You felt yourself grow hot.

“Not… not intentionally.”

“What does that mean?”

You exhaled heavily. May as well tell him, he’d probably find anyway if you didn’t.

“Ages ago when I was younger, seven years old, my foster dad was… he used to hurt me. He’d get drunk and yell at me for a bit, then if he was really angry he’d hit me. It happened a few times, but this one time it was… I -” you struggled to find the words.

“The mist? Did it…?”

You nodded.

“Sheesh. Was he okay?”

“Yeah, eventually. He was too proud to tell anyone that a seven-year-old had bettered him though, and he never spoke of it. He didn’t try and hurt me again after that.”

Tony was giving you a sympathetic look. You hated that look. You’d seen so many of those looks over the course of your life.

“Well, you can’t go back there then, can you?” he said eventually.

Your heart stopped momentarily; you hardly dared to believe it. Had you heard him right?

“JARVIS, tell the others they can come in. And turn the lights up would you?”

“Yes Sir.”

Your mouth fell open as the lights turned up, and stared at Tony.

“That’s JARVIS, you can talk to him any time to ask for anything, within reason.”

Was that creepy or cool? Definitely cool.

“Wow… okay.” you grinned.

In the next five minutes you were introduced to the Avengers. Captain America arrived first (wearing not his suit but jeans and a shirt, which was possibly the weirdest thing you’d ever seen), along with Bucky Barnes. Then came Pepper, Tony’s girlfriend, and then Black Widow, Bruce Banner and Hawkeye. Thor reappeared last greeting you with a huge smile, as though you’d known each other for considerably longer than half an hour.

“Okay!” Tony announced, clapping his hands. “Now that we’re all introduced, I can tell you that Y/N will be staying with us for the foreseeable future as we believe she might have, well, magic basically.” Here he paused, and you went red as everyone stared at you.

“Cool.” Bucky eventually said, and you smiled at him in relief when he grinned at you.

“And also her foster parents weren’t exactly the best, so we’re looking after her now. Not that you need looking after.” he added quickly, as you opened your mouth in protest.

“Nat, I also think it would be a good idea for her to have some training, just so that we can assess the situation.” he addressed Natasha, who nodded amiably and gave you a glimpse of a smile. Or her lip might have just twitched. You’d take the first one.

“Where’s she gonna sleep Tony?” Bruce asked.

“That’s what I was about to mention, Y/N, let’s go find you a room.” Tony said, standing up abruptly and gesturing for you to do the same.

“Where’s your stuff?”

“Here.” you said, holding up the small bag.

There was another split second of silence in which the sympathy looks were strong, before Tony thankfully started talking again and you followed him from the room and back down the corridor you had come in. You went past the stairs and into an elevator, which took you down several levels, and then along another corridor.

“So here are everyone’s rooms, Thor’s, Natasha’s, Steve’s…” he pointed at different doors as you walked past them. “We only have three left up here, Pep and I sleep further downstairs… this one is free.”

He pushed open a door to reveal an empty room with nothing more than a bed, a chest of drawers and a cupboard. It was four times the size of your old room. And the view was amazing.

“It’s not that big, but there’s an en-suite through there.” Tony told you, and you stuck your head through the door to see a bathroom which was also bigger than the one back at the house.

“This is good.” you told him, hardly able to believe that this was yours.

“You haven’t seen the other two yet! Come on.” Tony laughed, and you followed him further down the corridor.

Eventually you chose the first room, not because you liked it more than the others (they were all great) but because it was nearest to everyone else. And you fell in love with the view the second you saw it. Tony left you to unpack and told you to be in the kitchen-diner down the corridor in ten minutes to eat.

You ‘unpacked’ the small bundle of clothes and belongings you had brought, which consisted of your favourite book, some toiletries and a photo. The photo was of your birth parents. Apparently. You hoped it was your parents, and that you hadn’t been carrying a picture of two random people around your whole life. You couldn’t remember where you had got it from, nor did you know when it had been taken, or where. You’d given up on that a long time ago, reluctant to put too much effort into finding out about it in case they weren’t really your parents.

You were done in less than five minutes, and sat down on the floor in front of the far wall of your room, which was actually a floor to ceiling window which stretched from wall to wall. Lucky you weren’t scared of heights, you thought, looking down at the tiny people walking along the street far below. You must be at least fifty stories up, if not more.

You felt more like you were in a hotel than your own room… there was an en-suite for the love of god! And you were about to have tea with the Avengers. No big deal. This was your life for the time being, so you were going to need to stop freaking out every time you thought about speaking to an Avenger.

“Y/N, will you be joining the others for dinner?” JARVIS’ voice sounded in your room, making you jump.

“Yeah, I’ll be down now.” you replied, still unsure about talking to the AI.

Time to go have dinner with the Avengers.


	3. In which Loki arrives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three, in which Loki appears! I hope you guys are enjoying, I see you reading and leaving kudos (thank you! <3), please leave comments and tell me what you thought! Happy reading :)

It had been the craziest week of your life. And the best. Hands down.

The day after you’d arrived, Tony had given you a credit card and sent you off into New York to get everything you needed, clothes, shoes, furniture for your room, the lot.

“I’d send someone with you, but I think we’ve established that you can look after yourself.” had been his exact words. You’d appreciated that. Happy had driven you in though, who you got on with very well.

At first you’d been reluctant to spend that much of Tony’s money, even though you knew how rich he was, but you’d soon got into a shopping rhythm, and besides, you kept finding things that you _really_ needed.

You’d come back laden with bags, and Tony had told you off for _only_ spending $300, which made you laugh. A shopping trip with Natasha and Pepper was scheduled, because apparently they knew how to shop properly.

The same day you had started training with Natasha, and she seemed pleasantly surprised at the shape you were already in. You even got a smile out of her; you’d discovered that she was the sort of person you had to work hard to get to know. She didn’t entirely trust you yet, you could tell.

You had training every day, and after four sessions you knew that she had warmed up to you, and you to her. As you had to all the others. Steve was the mother hen of the group despite his hard outer shell, you could tell, and he was the nicest man you had ever met, apart from maybe Thor, albeit slightly guarded. Bucky was hilarious, and really nice to you, Bruce was calm, funny and a total science nerd, everything the Hulk wasn’t. You struggled to imagine him as the ‘big guy’ as they all called him. Clint was more like Natasha in that you had to get to know him before he became friendly, but you had made good progress, and then there was Pepper, who treated you like her daughter, telling you to eat at every opportunity and constantly checking up on you. You loved her.

Everything had been going amazingly, until your fifth night there, when you witnessed your first argument. And it was a big one. From what you could hear so far, Thor was trying to persuade Tony that someone should come in live in the Avengers Tower, and Tony was adamant that it was a bad idea.

You were sat reading quite peacefully in the company of Natasha and Clint when they’d come bursting into the lounge… could you call it a lounge? Like the penthouse upstairs, the space on the same floor as all of your rooms was a kitchen, dining room and lounge all in one, but was made for living in rather than looking nice. Not that it didn’t look nice, and the view was as good as the penthouse.

Anyway, Tony and Thor stormed in, and Tony immediately turned to the three of you on the sofa.

“Are you hearing this?” he demanded angrily.

Thor tried to cut in, but Tony wasn’t having any of it.

“Remember Loki? Thor thinks he should move in.”

Clint and Natasha immediately joined in with the yelling, but failed miserably at being heard over Thor’s booming voice.

“He is family Stark! I cannot abandon my own brother.”

At this, Tony abruptly stopped trying to yell over the top of him.

You were confused, more than anything. Wasn’t Loki the one who had led the alien invasion on Earth to try and become ruler of the world? You weren’t sure you wanted him sleeping across the hallway from you. And moreover, he was Thor’s _brother_?! If there were ever two people you wouldn’t put as brothers, it was him and Thor.

Your train of thought was interrupted as Thor bellowed “Stop!”, and probably ruptured your eardrums.

“I understand that you do not feel warmly towards him after what he did, but he was being brainwashed, that was not him! Please, Stark, at least let’s try, he has nowhere else to go… Father won’t-”

“Fine! He can stay here. He will have a restraint on him at all times, so that means no magic, and if he tries anything, _anything_ at all…”

Thor looked shocked, but not as shocked as Natasha and Clint.

“Thank you.” he finally said, and turned and strode from the room.

The minute he was gone, Clint started spluttering.

“You can’t possibly be serious about letting him stay here. He’s a psychopath.” Natasha said angrily.

“Thor said he was being brainwashed…” you chipped in, probably not helping the situation but wanting to have your views heard.

“The only brainwashing going on was him brainwashing me, he’s probably made it up to get out of the death sentence or whatever it is they have on… wherever it is they live.” Clint retorted.

You put your hands up in an apologetic gesture, not wanting to piss him off.

“I trust Thor.” Tony said simply, running his hands through his hair. You had to agree, if Thor thought it was safe to bring Loki here then you were fine with it. Kind of.

…

Later, you found Thor sitting alone on the roof. You had noticed he’d disappeared after dinner (to be fair, he’d had a pretty hard time with almost everyone telling him that he was crazy and that his brother was a psycho), and you somehow had known he would be on the roof.

“It makes me feel closer to home, up there.” he had told you on your third night, and you hadn’t asked any questions; he’d looked upset.

“Hey.” you said, sitting next to him on the edge of the helipad, your legs dangling over the edge of the Avengers Tower. Under normal circumstances you would have been terrified, but you knew that your magic wouldn’t let you get hurt, and also you were sat next to Thor. Who, as you had discovered, could fly.

“Lady Y/N.” Thor greeted you, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m sorry about how the others are acting. I wish they wouldn’t take it out on you, you’re just trying to do the right thing.” you said apologetically.

“They have every right to dislike Loki, he tried to destroy everything.” Thor replied sadly.

“You said he was being brainwashed though, right? If it wasn’t really him…” you trailed off, thinking back to the day it had happened, not that long ago. It had been terrifying, and people had died. You couldn’t imagine how awful Loki would have felt afterwards if he really was being brainwashed.

“Loki is… complicated. He always has been. He’s not my real brother, he’s adopted.”

Ah, that made sense.

“He’s also half Frost Giant.”

“Er, what’s a Frost Giant? He looked like a normal human on the news.” you asked, confused.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” Thor sighed, shaking his head.

“Please do, I want to know!” you replied, desperate to piece the story of Thor’s background together. So he told you everything, the war between Asgard and Jotunheim, how Odin had saved Loki but then revealed that he had only wanted to use him to make peace, the Frost Giant invasion and Loki’s betrayal, Loki’s ‘death’, and then not death – everything, right up to the New York invasion, and how now he was locked up on Asgard, and had been for nearly a year.

You were speechless for about two minutes after Thor had finished talking.

“I feel sorry for him.” you finally said. Thor looked at you in surprise.

“As do I.” he replied eventually, turning his gaze back to the New York skyline.

“So why is he coming down here?” you asked.

“He cannot stay locked up forever, and I think Father only trusts him where either he or I can keep an eye on him. That means either jail or here, and think Loki will prefer the latter. He’s had his punishment, he doesn’t deserve to be locked up any longer.” Thor explained.

You nodded thoughtfully, admiring Thor’s ability to forgive his brother so readily.

“You really care about him, don’t you?” you smiled sadly.

Thor nodded.

“I do care for him deeply. I only wish for him to be happy.”

“What are you two doing moping out here? Get back downstairs, it’s freezing!” Tony yelled from the other side of the helipad, having come to see where you’d disappeared to and interrupting your heart to heart with Thor. You were glad you’d had it though, and you thought he seemed slightly happier as you headed back downstairs to join the others.

That night you didn’t sleep much, your mind buzzing with all that Thor had told you. You were excited to meet Loki, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous too. He’d been brainwashed and locked up for almost twelve months; you were confident that he’d be scarred in some form.

Eventually you fell asleep to the sounds of the city far below you, and dreamt of a scared, abandoned child who’d been adopted into a family for reasons other than love. A child not unlike yourself.

The next morning, you were all up bright and early, except it wasn’t bright, it was raining heavily and looked miserable outside. You had breakfast with the others, apart from Thor, who had left for Asgard with a magic restraint and a promise to Tony that he wouldn’t bring Loki back unless he was wearing it, hours earlier. There was an uneasy sense of tension in the air as you ate breakfast with the others.

People express their nerves in different ways, you’d learnt, and Natasha and Clint expressed their nerves through conveying their negative views about Loki very assertively to everyone else over breakfast. Everyone else was silent. You felt an odd sense of, protectiveness? That wasn’t the right word for it, you didn’t even know Loki, but you would be lying if you said their comments didn’t annoy you a bit. They didn’t know the whole story.

“You’re keeping awfully quiet Y/N, what’s up?” Bruce asked, when there was a split second of silence while Clint was drawing a breath.

“I just think that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.” you shrugged, quickly shoving a spoonful of food into your mouth so you didn’t have to speak anymore.

“Ah yes, don’t judge a book by its murderous and manipulative tendencies.” Clint agreed, sarcastically.

You swallowed the enormous amount of food you had just put in your mouth angrily, causing your eyes to water.

“You need to give him a chance and consider the idea that maybe he’s not as much of an asshole as you might think. He’s coming to live here whether you like it or not, so why moan about it when you could just accept it and stop worrying about it?” you exclaimed, more angrily than you’d intended.

“I hate it when the new girl is right.” Clint grumbled moodily after a long pause, and Natasha just rolled her eyes in response. Bruce and Steve were staring at you in surprise.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat from the doorway, and you all turned to look.

 _Shit_.

Thor was stood there, and next to him was Loki, or, you assumed it was Loki, and not just a random man with a large metal cuff around one wrist.

Had he heard what you’d said? You proceeded to go bright red as Loki stared right at you, wishing you’d just kept your mouth shut.

“Everyone, this is Loki.” Thor told the room, as though he needed any introducing.

Loki looked… like a prisoner. He had dark shadows under his hooded eyes and his long dark hair was matted and wiry; bruises and scratches covered his face, which was fixed into a permanent scowl. He was tall, almost as tall as Thor, and skinny. Unhealthily skinny, so that he looked gaunt rather than slender. The only striking feature about him were his eyes: a shock of bright, intelligent blue surrounded by the evidence of his time as a prisoner. You could see how he might have once been handsome, but now only a shadow of those looks remained.

The silence which followed Thor’s introduction was excruciatingly awkward, but at least Loki removed his gaze from you to return the glares Natasha and Clint were shooting him. You willed your face to stop being bright red.

“He’ll need somewhere to sleep.” Thor said pointedly, looking at Tony, who sighed and stood up, gesturing for Thor and Loki to follow him from the room.

“Yikes.” Bucky said, pulling a face, after they had left the room.

Yep, that pretty much summed it up. You cleared up from breakfast just for something to do, and about five minutes later the three men returned. Tony returned to his seat, at the table, and Thor sat down too, gesturing for Loki to do the same. He sat down in your vacated seat, and turned to look at you again. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know you’d seen, or minded, and continued to load to dishwasher, listening to Thor try and make conversation at the table.

You suddenly noticed a dull pain in your neck, and rolled your shoulders to try and get rid of it, which did nothing; it only got worse. And worse. You winced as it spread up into your head, and massaged your temples – this was really weird.

Hang on.

You turned to find Loki still watching you, now frowning as though in… concentration? Or annoyance? Whatever it was, you wished he would stop.

“Loki? What about you?” Thor asked, obviously trying to engage him in conversation with the others.

The minute Loki looked away, the pain vanished. What was that about? He wasn’t meant to have magic… should you tell someone? You’d tell Thor later, if you told Tony he’d kick Loki out straight away, and you didn’t want that.

You wanted answers.


	4. In which you babysit a god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, thought I'd post an update early as I'm quite on top of things at the moment! Sadly the same cannot be said about my revision for my exams which are two weeks away (oops). Who needs to revise when you could be writing fanfic? Hope you enjoy chapter four! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed I love hearing from you guys! :))

It had been a week, and you hadn’t made a lot of progress with Loki.

He had said a total of twelve words to you in seven days (six ‘hello’s, three ‘sorry’s, a ‘yes’ and then yesterday, ‘you’re welcome’) (not that you were counting), and earlier had acknowledged you with a nod when you entered the room, which he only did otherwise for Thor, so at least that was something.

In all fairness though, you only really saw him when you were all together with the others to eat. All you seemed to do at the moment was train, eat and sleep, which was starting to get quite tedious, but your desire to be able to accompany the others on a mission overruled any sour feelings you had towards your current schedule. It meant that you looked forward to the evenings, when usually everyone could kick back and relax for a few hours before bed; it was the time of day you looked forward to the most.

It was that time right now; you’d all just finished eating and you were clearing up the dishes with Buck and Steve while the others had a heated debate about some politician. ‘The others’ didn’t include Loki, who probably didn’t know who the current politicians were, and whose eyes were fixed on the TV, watching but not seeing, you could tell.

After a good five minutes of arguing, Tony leapt to his feet.

“Jeez Tony, chill out, it’s just-”

“No, there’s been an attack. We need to leave, now.” Tony explained, staring at his phone as he ran from the room, calling JARVIS.

Your heart leapt into your throat, this was it, you were finally going to go on a mission!

“Y/N, you’ll have to stay here with Loki… are you gonna be okay?” Steve asked, with a pointed look at Loki, who hadn’t moved.

“Wh- I’m not coming with you?” you asked, your heart sinking.

“Too risky Y/N, you’re not trained up yet.” Natasha told you as she followed Tony speedily from the room.

“Are you gonna be alright?” Steve repeated, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, sure.” you replied flatly, turning to back to finish the dishes.

“If you need us, just call, okay?”

“Thanks.” you said, trying to sound enthusiastic about staying back with Loki while the others all went off on a mission together.

Steve left, and the room was empty save for you and Loki. Neither of you spoke, him still staring intently at the TV and you doing the dishes as slowly as possible. A minute later Tony came sprinting back in in his Iron Man suit, which was quite an impressive sight; even Loki averted his gaze from the TV for a moment to look at him.

“Kid… you gonna be okay?” Tony panted breathlessly.

“Yes, go, I can look after myself.” you said pointedly.

“Just – keep an eye on him, alright?” he called over his shoulder as he ran from the room again.

Another minute later there was a roar from the roof as the Quinjet took off, and you watched miserably out of the windows as the team flew off into the darkness.

Great. This is exactly how you’d wanted your evening to go.

You suddenly became aware of Loki watching you, watching the team disappear out of the window, and that searing pain shot through your neck and skull again. You gasped in pain, grabbing at the back of your head and dropping the plate you’d been holding, which smashed on the floor.

“Would you quit doing that!” you snapped at Loki, spinning around to glare at him angrily.

He just looked at you with that same annoyed expression.

You sighed in exasperation, the pain fading now, and started picking up the broken bits of plate to throw away. Five minutes later, after prolonging the process considerably, the kitchen was spotless, and you reluctantly sat yourself down on the sofa opposite Loki, who was staring at the TV again.

Looking closely at him for the first time since he’d arrived, you could see that the dark shadows under his eyes were fading, and his eyes weren’t as hooded anymore. The scratches and bruises had almost entirely disappeared from his face, but he still looked somewhat… tired.

“Yes?” he finally said, turning to look at you with a raised eyebrow. Thirteen words and counting! Now you had his attention.

“Why do you keep doing that thing? It makes my head hurt… I thought you weren’t meant to have your magic. Can you still use it?” you blurted out, instantly regretting your onslaught of questions, not wanting him to find you annoying.

“You ask too many questions.” he replied coolly, turning back to the TV.

You just stared at him. Eventually, he sighed.

“I’m trying to read your mind. I can read every Midgardian’s mind, but not yours. You’re blocking me somehow. I still have my magic, it’s not something that can be taken away from someone, apart from under extreme circumstances, I just can’t use it. Which answers your last question.” he said.

Okay, you hadn’t actually expected him to talk to you, let alone answer your questions. So, why couldn’t he read your mind? Also, he could read minds?!

“I’m not intentionally trying to block you, I didn’t even know that’s what you were doing.” you told him, trying to get him to focus on you rather than the TV.

“Mm, I guessed as much, which leads me to believe that you have some form of powerful magic.” he mused, still not looking at you.

“Yeah, I do. I can’t use it yet though, I don’t know how.” you told him. If he had magic too, surely he would be able to help you. It was just a matter of getting him to help, or at least tell you something.

“But you managed to survive when Thor threw a bus at you, the clumsy oaf…”

“Hey! He’s not an oaf.” you retorted quickly. Loki raised an eyebrow again, apparently amused.

“And yes, the purple mist… that’s what I call it, it protects me when I’m in danger.” you explained. And then something occurred to you.

“Do you think… it’s blocking you from reading my mind? Does it think you’re a threat?” you asked.

“Apparently so. It is incredibly powerful for a _Midgardian_ girl who doesn’t know how to use her powers.” he said, putting heavy emphasis on the word ‘Midgardian’.

“Why did you say it like that? Do you think I might not be entirely…” How to finish that sentence? Human?

“I can’t tell for sure until I see the magic. It could be a number of different things.”

You wanted to know. You _needed_ to know about the purple mist.

“I need to be in danger for you to see it.” you said, standing up and thinking hard. How should you do it?

“What are you doing?”

“Here, throw this knife at me.”

That got him looking up from the TV.

“I will not throw a knife at you.” he said, watching in astonishment as you offered him the biggest knife from the knife rack.

“The mist will protect me, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about me when Stark and the others get back to find out that I’ve stabbed you.”

You should’ve known. Oh well. You offered him the handle of the knife and he took it slowly.

“Is this a test? Did Stark ask you to do this?” he asked.

“No. And there’s probably CCTV in here anyway, so you can tell them truth if I die. Which I won’t.”

“CCTV?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s basically – ah!”

The knife stopped a centimetre in front of your face, quivering where the purple mist had caught it. You didn’t breath, trying to hold it there for as long as possible, before finally it clattered to the ground loudly.

“Did you have to throw it at my face?!”

“Asgardian.” Loki said instantly, having not moved from the sofa.

“W-what? How?” you asked, shaken up, picking the knife up off of the floor.

“I don’t know, but that magic is Asgardian. I’m surprised Thor didn’t see it straight away.”

“I’ve never even been to Asgard, I didn’t even know it was a real place until I met Thor a week ago!”

Loki looked at you thoughtfully.

“How much of your childhood do you remember? Who are your parents?” he asked.

“Who’s asking all the questions now?” you teased, and he turned away, clenching his jaw.

“No… I’m sorry. I can’t really remember much of when I was younger, it’s all a blur of different foster homes and carers. I don’t know who my real parents are.” you told him.

His face remained impassive.

“Do you think they could be Asgardian? Maybe?”

No response.

You sighed heavily, resigning yourself to the fact that you’d gotten all you were going to get out of him already today. Were you really part Asgardian? And if you were, why had you been brought up on Midgard? Nothing made sense, you would have to talk to Thor when the others got back. Until then, you guessed you would just sit here chewing your lip anxiously pretending to watch TV with Loki.

About twenty minutes of silence between you and Loki later, your phone rang (Tony had given you a brand-new phone when you’d come to live at the tower, naturally), and you answered it hastily. It was Tony.

“Hey kid, everything alright?”

No.

“Yeah, is everyone okay?” you asked, catching sight of Loki rolling his eyes.

“Yep, it was an easy takedown so we’re on our way back. Are things all okay with…?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. See you in a bit.” you said quickly, and Tony said goodbye and hung up.

You and Loki both turned to watch as the Quinjet reappeared and flew towards the roof of the tower about five minutes later.

“Thor would be better suited to help you with your problems. I don’t know why you’ve come to me for help.” Loki told you, suddenly and unexpectedly.

“You have magic. I think we’re similar.” you said.

Loki stared at you incredulously.

“Take your qualms to my brother, I cannot help.” he told you firmly.

Shrugging, you got up to take the knife he had thrown at you off of the kitchen surface and put it back into the knife holder.

“We’ll see.”

Your point was proven ten minutes later when Thor came in after everyone else, yawning, announced he was off to bed, and then left again. Unnoticed by anyone else, you raised an eyebrow at Loki, who without looking at you shook his head almost inconceivably, face devoid of emotion.

The team didn’t have much of a story to tell, and you ended up thinking that you were glad you hadn’t gone; you wanted your first mission to be a good one. Slowly, everyone drifted off to bed, until eventually it was just you and Loki again. Tony was the last one to leave before the two of you, and you couldn’t help but think that that hadn’t been a coincidence, especially when he threw you an odd look over his shoulder as he left.

This time the TV wasn’t on; everything was dark and quiet in the room.

“I still stand my ground, Thor is better suited to help you.” Loki said, before you could even open your mouth. You tried to conceal a smile in the darkness.

Thor hadn’t lied, he was stubborn.

“I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.” you said, standing up and stretching, wanting to leave things on a good note.

“I will too.” Loki replied, following your lead.

You walked together down the corridor in silence, and stopped in front of your respective doors.

They were right opposite each other.

“Night.” you said, giving him a small wave before you disappeared into your room.

“Goodnight.”

Progress.


	5. In which you properly go shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, chapter five is here, and I've decided to name the chapters which a bit more creativity than 'chapter one' and chapter two', while trying not to spoil anything too much! Hope you enjoy, and again pls plsss comment what you thought and what you think should happen next, I love to hear from you <3

Another week passed as quickly as the first, but this time you had made more than twelve words progress with Loki. You would be pushing it if you said you considered him a friend as you did the rest of the team now, but he wasn’t a cold stranger anymore. You’d settle for ‘acquaintance’.

For now.

It was a Saturday, and this morning you’d gotten up a bit later than usual as you had a day off from training (thank god, your body _ached_ from the amount you’d been doing over the past couple of weeks). When you finally emerged from your room and went into the kitchen, you encountered Natasha and Pepper looking at something on a laptop together at the kitchen table. They were dressed and fully made-up, per usual; you suddenly felt self-conscious in your pyjamas, and ran a hand through your bed hair. The only other person in the room was Bruce, who you were pleased to note was still in his pyjamas too, and who gave you a wave from behind his newspaper and coffee on the sofa which you returned with a smile.

“Hey Y/N, glad you’re up, get some breakfast down you and then we’re taking you out.” Natasha told you, looking up from the laptop.

“Oh? Why’s that?” you asked.

“We’re taking you shopping after your abysmal attempt at buying things last week.” she replied.

“You need some more furniture for your room, and a dress and shoes for tonight, Tony’s throwing a party.” Pepper explained.

Yes! Everyone had heard of Tony Stark’s legendary parties, and now you were getting to attend one for real. And were being taken out on a girls shopping trip by Natasha Romanoff and Pepper Potts in preparation for it. Not a bad Saturday.

You quickly had breakfast, showered and dressed, and then Happy drove the three of you to Fifth Avenue. This was going to be expensive; you didn’t mind spending money this time because, one, you couldn’t see the prices while Pepper and Natasha were whirling the clothes around your head and two, you weren’t the one spending all the money.

It's didn’t _really_ count, but you dreaded to look at the amounts they were spending on clothes for the three of you.

By the end of the trip (which, incidentally, took four hours), you had a bookshelf, desk and pinboard for your room, an entirely new wardrobe (“hoodies, jeans and trainers aren’t the only things you can wear” Natasha had told you sternly), and a ridiculously gorgeous dress with matching shoes for the party this evening. You were sure the price would have been even more ludicrous, but the minute you stepped out of the dressing room with it on Pepper had insisted on buying it for you. It did look… nice, on you, dare you say it. 

You returned to the tower at half past three (after stopping for some lunch on the way back), and were barely able to get in the elevator with all the bags in one go. Once upstairs, you piled all of your bags into your room and made your way back to the lounge to collapse on the sofa.

“Busy day?” Tony asked, watching you fall on to the sofa from the kitchen table where he was sat with Bruce.

“Yes, actually, being dragged into at least a hundred different shops and trying on every item of clothing they stock in less than four hours is quite a stressful business.” you replied, massaging your aching feet.

“Well, you’d better be lively again by tonight. It’s gonna be a good one.” Tony told you with a grin. “Why don’t you go get some shut eye? It’ll be a late night… morning.” he corrected himself after a second thought.

You pointed at him.

“Excellent idea. See you later.” you said, standing up to make your way back to your room.

You glanced at Loki’s door as you went into your room, briefly wondering where he was, before pressing the button on the wall to put the blinds down over the window wall and lying spread eagled on your bed. You loved the blinds: they made the room dark enough to sleep even in broad daylight, but you could still see out of the window. You loved almost everything about your life at the moment, considerably more than you had done two weeks ago. It was that happy thought which stayed in your mind as you drifted off to sleep.

…

“Y/N, wake up, time to start getting ready.”

Nat’s voice invaded your peaceful sleep, and you blearily opened one eye so see her pressing the button to lift the blinds. The sun was just starting to drop in the sky.

“What time is it?” you asked, yawning the minute you opened your mouth.

“Half five, we have an hour and a half until the guests start arriving so you’d better get yourself showered and ready for us to do your hair and make-up.”

“I can do my own hair and make-up, thanks though.” you told her.

She just looked at you.

“What?”

“Since you came here, I haven’t seen you wear any make-up, and your hair has either been down or in a pony-tail. Let us do it for you.” she said. Well, at least she was honest.

“Fine. But you’re not touching my eyebrows.”

“Deal.”

You showered, washed and dried your hair, threw some leggings and a hoodie on and then ventured down the corridor to Nat’s room, carrying your dress and shoes. As you entered, you saw Pepper emerging from the en-suite, wearing a tight blue dress which she was smoothing down uncertainly.

“Are you sure it doesn’t make me look…”

“If you’re about to say fat I’m leaving to do my own hair and make-up.” you threatened before she could finish her sentence.

“Nope, too late.” Nat said, kicking the door shut behind you and plonking you firmly in a chair in front of the mirror.

“Pepper, of course that dress does not make you look fat, don’t be ridiculous. Now, Y/N do you want your hair straight, curly, up, down…?” Nat said.

“I don’t mind, just make it look nice.” you replied, looking at your slightly damp and tangled Y/H/C hair in the mirror unenthusiastically.

“Curly I think, with some parts tied back, what do you think Pepper?”

“Yes, and for make-up we should have…”

You tuned out as you closed your eyes as you enjoyed the feeling of Nat’s hands gently untangling and brushing out your hair. It was so nice… you’d never had anyone do your hair for you before. You’d never even been invited to a party before as far as you could remember. Suddenly there was a huge swell of emotion in your chest.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You wiped the tears which had been about to fall away swiftly and smiled at Nat and Pepper in the mirror.

“I’m okay. I just… this is nice.”

Pepper squeezed your shoulder and Nat continued to brush your hair.

“We’re you’re family now Y/N, you’re gonna have to get used to people doing nice things for you.” Nat told you.

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak.

Your hair and make-up ended up looking… good? You hardly recognised yourself when you looked in the mirror. Getting your dress on over your head was a tricky business, but you eventually managed it, and when you did you couldn’t help but stare at your reflection some more. You didn’t look like Y/N, you looked like some sort of celebrity ready to hit the red carpet. The scariest part was that that’s almost what you were, a friend of the Avengers going to one of Tony Stark’s acclaimed parties in the Avengers Tower.

“Y/N! Let’s see!”

You stepped out of the en-suite; Pepper clapped excitedly and Nat gave you a satisfied smirk.

“You scrub up well. I love the dress.”

The dress was purple: a tribute.

All of a sudden it was seven pm and you were quickly shoving the heels you had bought earlier today on to your feet, and wobbling to a standstill as you straightened up. Thankfully they weren’t very high, you’d never worn heels before and didn’t understand why anyone would. They were so uncomfortable.

After a couple of laps around the bedroom with some coaching from your hair and make-up artists you stopped staggering around like a new-born giraffe and managed to look like you weren’t wearing heels for the first time.

“That’ll do, you can take them off when the dancing starts anyway.” Nat reassured you, standing up in heels that were at least twice the height of yours and walking to the door in them as though she’d been born in them. The three of you left the room and headed down the corridor together towards the elevator, which took you down several floors.

You’d expected the doors to open to reveal another corridor, but instead it opened up to a huge room which looked as though it took up the whole floor. It was decked out for a party, with a huge stage, DJ booth, lights, a disco ball, dancefloor, the lot.

“Wow.” you said.

“Hey ladies. Pep, you look ravishing my darling.” Tony said, appearing to kiss Pepper, who pushed him away playfully. Then he turned to you.

“Kid, you look great! The first guests are arriving, I want to introduce you.”

“Uh, Tony? Is that such a good idea?”

You turned to look at Nat with a frown. Why did she not want you talking to people? You might be about to meet some famous people and you weren’t about to let anyone get in the way of that.

“Why not?”

“Well, people might wonder…”

“There are no journalists here, I triple checked the guest list, and anyone who isn’t on there has no chance of getting in. Relax!” Tony told her firmly, much to your delight.

“Okay, but… just be careful what you say, alright? We just got Y/N, we don’t want to lose her already.”

What did that mean? Tony was already dragging you away, nodding distractedly as Nat trailed off.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s just paranoid.” Tony told you, and then started introducing you to some people, unfortunately no one you recognised. By half seven, the place was starting to fill up a bit more as people arrived ‘fashionably late’. The lights had dimmed and the music had started, considerably quieter than it would be later on, you suspected.

Eventually you managed to escape from Tony’s arm, leaving behind a most riveting conversation about some boring man writing a book on politics, and made a beeline to the bar and Bucky.

“You escaped.” Bucky grinned, waving the bartender over.

“Eventually. Does this get any more exciting?” you asked, eagerly accepting a cocktail from the bartender.

“Just wait until later. I can promise you it gets better than discussions about things you don’t understand, I’ve drunk my way through enough of them.” he told you; you laughed.

You stayed there chatting for a few more minutes, before you were interrupted by a very tired looking Thor.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, and sighing when Thor glanced at the ceiling.

“Sorry. How are you?” you rephrased, trying not to laugh.

“Weary. It is not fun trying to convince my brother to do something he does not wish to do.” Thor said, accepting a huge bucket of something that looked like beer from the bartender.

“What happened?”

Thor didn’t reply, instead choosing to take a large gulp of the drink he was holding; he just gestured across the room, which was slowly filling up, and you turned to see Loki sat alone at a table by the wall, looking furious.

“Oh.” you said, turning back to Bucky, who was still craning his neck to see what Thor had gestured towards.

“What are we looking at?” he asked.

“Don’t you see Loki? He’s exuding rage, over there, alone on that table.” you said, nodding your head in his direction, not wanting to point in case he saw.

Thor choked on his drink, and you both turned to him anxiously.

“How do you know that’s Loki?” he rasped, eyes streaming as Bucky smacked him on the back.

“…well, because he’s sat there?” you replied.

“I don’t see him.” Bucky said.

“You’re not meant to see him. You’re meant to see an unattractive twenty-year-old in an ill-fitted suit.” Thor said.

“That’s Loki? No wonder he looks so angry.” Bucky laughed.

“We didn’t want anyone approaching him.” Thor countered.

“I can see him. It’s my magic, it can see through illusions.” you said thoughtfully. This was helpful.

“Is it safe to go and talk to him?” you asked, swapping places with Thor before he had even replied.

“I suppose it depends what you say. Be careful.”

You were already weaving your way through the crowd of people, eager to share your new-found information with Loki.

Thor and Bucky watched you go.

“He likes her. I can tell. He doesn’t talk to anyone else voluntarily unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Thor said, still watching you.

“He asked me to pass him the butter the other day.” Bucky replied, and then “Oh.”

“I’m glad. He needs someone to talk to after all that time locked away, and he certainly won’t talk to me.”

Bucky gave Thor a sympathetic look, just before they were joined by Steve, and the conversation moved on. Thor glanced over at the table where you were now sat with Loki, talking intently to him.

He hoped you knew what you were doing.


	6. In which you get drunk with Thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all, have another chapter. I keep saying it but pleaseee leave a comment, I see you reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this work!  
> I'll try and keep updating regularly but no promises because I have exams coming up over the next few weeks (ew). Also still struggling away trying to think of a good title so any help at all in that department would be very much appreciated! Happy reading :)

You made your way carefully through the crowd towards Loki with your drink, leaving Thor and Bucky at the bar. Loki didn’t look at you or acknowledge the fact that you were coming towards him until you were stood by the seat next to him.

“Hi.”

“If you’ve come to try and introduce yourself to me I wouldn’t bother.” he said bluntly, not gracing you with the gift of eye contact.

He didn’t know you could see him. Amazing.

“Why is that?” you asked, hopping on to the stool next to him and putting your drink on the table.

“Because I don’t want to talk to you.”

Wow, you were glad this guy wasn’t a real person. You could hear Loki’s voice, but you could also hear hints of what the illusion made his voice sound like: much higher and reedier. If you concentrated hard enough you could see the illusion too, but that made your head hurt.

“What’s your name?”

“Did you not hear what I just said?”

“I did.”

There was a lengthy pause, in which you counted three separate occasions where Loki clenched his jaw, clearly harbouring a raging internal battle.

“Bertrand.”

You burst out laughing, and then immediately put your hand to your mouth.

“Sorry, sorry… Bertrand? Who came up with that one? I bet it was Clint.”

Loki stared at you incredulously; you fought not to smile too widely.

“What’s your last name? Von…”

“Did Thor tell you?” he interrupted.

You better not push this any further.

“No. I can see you.” you said, enjoying the range of emotions which flashed across his face, usually so devoid of character.

“This… is a strong illusion. I don’t-” he trailed off, his mouth actually slightly open.

This was fun.

Suddenly, Tony’s voice sounded loud around the room, welcoming everyone and inviting them to ‘party hard all night long here at the Avengers Tower’, at which point there was a huge cheer, and the music started playing even louder than before.

“So, why are you even down here? Couldn’t resist the temptation?” you asked, louder than usual to be heard over the music and noise of the guests.

He glared at you.

“Seriously, why are you down here?”

“Apparently I cannot be trusted to stay upstairs by myself for a few hours and not cause problems. But I was also not welcome down here where I might have been recognised by any of these fools who weren’t already intoxicated. So here I am, in disguise.” he told you in annoyance.

You felt bad for him. Really bad.

“Soon enough they’ll all be drunk enough that they won’t notice if you disappear, you can just sneak off, it’s floor-”

“Fifty-two, I know. Stark will not notice my absence, but I fear my brother will. It takes a lot to get him drunk.” Loki said.

You grinned, a plan formulating in your brain.

“Leave that to me.” you said devilishly. “How many of those bucket things does he need to drink?”

“Oh, I don’t know… about ten?”

“Ten?!”

“You forget he is an immortal god.”

“Okay, okay, this is fine. Just keep an eye out, and when you think he won’t notice, you can sneak off.”

Loki watched you as you downed your drink, jumped down from your stool and turned back to face him.

“Why are you helping me?” he asked.

“Because you helped me. And making you sit down here is as bad as making me sit upstairs alone, in my book.” you replied.

He nodded thoughtfully.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” you replied, heading back over to Thor, who had been joined by Bruce to replace Steve and Bucky. To your joy, he was drinking from what looked like a fresh glass.

“How many of those has he had?” you asked Bruce, who was watching Thor drink in awe.

“Three since I got here.”

Yes! He was practically doing your job for you. You looked over to Loki, who was watching, and held up four fingers. He gave you a sarcastic thumbs up, which was possibly the funniest thing you’d ever seen. You ordered another drink for yourself and one for Thor, and got drinking.

It was time to get absolutely shit-faced with the god of thunder.

…

Bucky had been right, the party had gotten _way_ more fun than earlier. That might be something to do with the amount that you’d had to drink though. You’d completely forgotten about your mission to get Thor drunk; for the last hour you’d been jamming it out on the dancefloor to an excellent soundtrack with your friends and some people you’d never met before, with regular trips back over to the bar for a small break and a not so small drink, and then back to the dancefloor.

So far you’d only almost died once trying to do the Dirty Dancing lift with Bucky, maybe twice when you said you’d catch Tony when no one else would lift him – Steve had managed to talk you out of that one (much to Tony’s disgust). Three different men had offered to buy you a drink, all of whom you’d had to escape from (with Nat’s help), and you’d tried six new drinks.

It was amazing.

At about midnight, maybe later, you finally peeled yourself away from the dancefloor again and stumbled back over to the bar, tripping over several times. Hey, where were your shoes? Oh well, you hadn’t liked them anyway, they’d been super uncomfortable. There was Thor! Now you remembered your mission, it was time to check your progress. You hadn’t seen Loki for ages, hopefully he’d managed to escape.

“Hey!” you said cheerfully, bumping into him and interrupting what looked like a heated argument with a stool.

“How many of them have you had?” you asked, gesturing to the massive mug he was holding, which incidentally was empty.

“Uh, only like… four.” he slurred, shrugging.

“Bullshit! How many have you had!?” you demanded. Thor grinned and gestured wildly with the empty mug.

“Lady Y/N, I do not wish to disclose this information-”

“Thirteen. He’s had thirteen.”

You span around. Loki was behind you. Or Bertrand… you couldn’t see either of them clearly, it was like a haze of two people and two voices. Shaking you head and screwing your eyes up, you looked again, but it wasn’t much better.

“Brother, _why_ have you been _spying_ on me…?”

“Why are you still here, Bertrand?” you laughed, not registering the momentary flicker of amusement in Loki’s eyes.

“I came to check on Thor. He doesn’t fare well when drinking.” Loki/Bertrand said, eyeing Thor in distaste.

“Aw! See Thor, he does love you.” you giggled, poking him playfully. Loki rolled his eyes.

“Try not to die brother. The same goes for you Y/N.” he said as he turned around to leave again.

“He likes you!” Thor exclaimed happily.

You were still reeling that Loki had just used your name. And he had come down to check that you were alright, that was nice of him.

At that precise moment your favourite song came on over the sound system.

“YES!” you said loudly, dragging Thor back over to the dancefloor and the rest of your friends.

Loki was forgotten in an instant. Time to dance some more.

…

“Y/N.”

Was someone talking to you?

“Y/N, I’m trying to help you, wake up.”

Oh, someone was definitely trying to talk to you. You opened your eyes to see a pair of legs stood before you. Looking up, you discovered that they belonged to Loki. He looked exasperated.

“The elevator? Couldn’t you have chosen a better place to sleep?”

“I wasn’t sleeping, I was just resting my eyes…” you replied, closing them again. You were so tired.

“No you don’t. Come on, up.” Loki told you, reaching down to haul you to your feet. You would have liked to say it was a graceful ascent, but it was not. Loki half carried you out of the elevator and down the corridor to the living room and, most importantly, the sofa, where you lay back down gratefully.

“Drink.” he told you, pushing a cool glass of water into your hand, which you sat up to gulp down, then slumped back on to the comfy sofa.

“Thanks.” you rasped, closing your eyes again.

“I don’t like to owe people.” was his short and simple response.

“And here I was thinking you liked me.” you teased.

“I… you are more tolerable than the others, I suppose.”

Not the most glowing endorsement you’d ever received, but you’d take the compliment.

“What time is it?” you asked, suddenly realising you had no concept of time.

“Five in the morning.”

Oh, wow.

“The music only stopped about an hour ago. When you didn’t reappear upstairs I thought I’d check on you. Purely in return for what you did earlier for me.” He seemed very eager to stress that point.

“Weren’t you sleeping?”

“With that racket going on downstairs? I don’t think so. Besides, I don’t need to sleep.”

“Oh yeah, what with being an immortal god.” you grinned, again missing the hint of humour in his expression.

He threw you a blanket and then settled on the sofa opposite you, reaching for a book on the coffee table.

“Sleep, if you like. I’ll keep watch.”

You smiled, not sure whether he was serious or not.

“Keep watch for what exactly?”

“Oh, the usual, thunder gods, men in iron suits…”

He looked rather pleased with himself when you laughed. You liked this Loki.

“I’ll sleep soundly knowing you’re keeping guard.” you said, turning over and nestling under the blanket. You were asleep again in under a minute.

Loki actually smiled, but only once he was sure you weren’t looking. He couldn’t go letting you know that he actually enjoyed your company; tonight had been a favour returned, nothing more. But he couldn’t lie to himself and say that you didn’t intrigue him, far more than any of the others did anyway. Your magic was far too powerful for you to be a normal Midgardian, and you were making an effort to be nice to him, which was more than could be said for the rest of them. Although he’d dismissed your observation that the two of you were similar on that night the two of you had been left alone, he felt that perhaps you were quite similar. Thor had told him about your background, and he had felt… empathy. A word which had been foreign to him for a while now.

You made a noise in your sleep and turned your head slightly; Loki caught himself staring. Time to leave, go back to bed, you didn’t need you here. Or he could stay here and read a while longer…

He didn’t leave until he heard the elevator moving just after the sun had come up.


	7. In which you have a banging hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, posting early again because I feel like I'll be really busy with my exams over the next weeks so might not update as much! Thanks for the comments being left on here, they honestly make me so happy like people like what I'm writing I... uwu <3 Feeling all the Loki feels today after that 0.2 second vid of him saying he's going to burn everything to the ground hElp-  
> Anyways, here's chapter seven, enjoy! x

When you woke up it was light outside. You knew that because your eyelids were burning.

You lay very still as you regained consciousness, feeling a throbbing in the base of your skull which couldn’t be good. Ow.

“Morning sunshine! How’s that head?”

That was Tony. Too loud. Far too loud. You made an indistinguishable noise from under the blanket you were hiding beneath and heard him laugh. How was he so lively?

“Don’t worry, I haven’t seen anyone else yet. Last night was wild, even by my standards.”

You emerged bleary-eyed from your cocoon and shielded your eyes from the sunlight streaming through the windows straight into your face. Tony was doing something in the kitchen, dressing gown and slipper clad.

“You managed to make it to bed then.” you croaked, gesturing at his attire.

“Thanks to Pep, I was well looked after. What about you? I refuse to believe you made it there tucked under a blanket under your own steam.” Tony asked, at the exact same moment that you remembered who had helped you last night.

“I can’t remember.” you lied, pretending to look thoughtful. Loki had been so nice to you! If that wasn’t a breakthrough you didn’t know what was. Had he stayed until you fell asleep? Why was your brain not working? Something about a favour…?

“Huh, that’s weird. Want some eggs?”

“Please.” you replied, eager to change the subject. You didn’t think Loki would appreciate it if you told everyone what had happened, he had a stone-cold reputation to uphold.

You chatted to Tony about what you remembered of the party, and then he served eggs and toast which you sat at the table with him to eat. It was delicious, and you ate in silence for a while.

“So, how do you feel about joining the team?”

Unfortunately, you had chosen that exact moment to swallow the food in your mouth at the time, and you gasped in surprise, subsequently causing you to choke. Tony leaned towards you in concern, but you waved him away, not in any imminent danger.

“You _what_?!” you finally managed to say, wiping your streaming eyes.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, I thought it was obvious that you were joining! Unless you don’t want to of course.” Tony replied, evidently holding back a wide smile.

“I just… you can’t announce stuff like that at breakfast! Don’t the others need to- I mean, yes, god yes, of course I want to join, I just thought it was so soon…” you rambled, in shock.

“So, that’s a good feeling then? I couldn’t quite tell.”

“I- yes. Yes. Please.” It was at this point that you decided to stop trying to talk.

“You’ve taken incredibly well to training, and you have your ‘mist’; truthfully you already feel like one of the team and you’ve only been around for just over two weeks. Obviously you’ll need more training before we can take you out in the field, and there’ll need to be an official initiation to announce it to the public, and we’ll need to get you some gear… sound good?

You nodded, too overwhelmed to speak.

“I know someone who might be able to help with your ‘mist’, but we need to keep it under wraps for now, just in case.”

“I talked to Loki about it actually.” you told him, and Tony frowned.

“When was this?”

“The night you left me on my own with him. We had… a chat.” You decided not to mention the fact that he had thrown a knife at your head.

“Oh?”

“He told me that my magic was Asgardian… and really strong. He couldn’t read my mind like he can the rest of you…”

“Hang on, he _what_?”

Oops.

“He can read minds. But not mine.”

Tony was staring at you in shock.

“You’re… Asgardian? Like Thor?”

You sighed.

“I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. But my magic is definitely Asgardian.”

“And Reindeer Games has been reading our minds. How fun.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Reindeer Games? What’s that about?”

“Just a nickname. Y’know, like from the song Rudolph…”

“Yeah, I get it, very funny. You should go easy on him though; try not to piss him off. He’s not that bad.” you said,

“Y/N, you didn’t have to fight him in the attack. Do you know he threw me out of the penthouse window? That’s up there. Very high up.” Tony told you, pointing upwards towards the penthouse as though you didn’t know where ‘up’ was.

“I… did not know that, but Thor said he was being brainwashed, and I believe that.” you retorted, more defensively than you’d intended.

Tony opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Clint staggering through the door.

“Eggs.” he said, pointing towards your empty plates, and then fell on to the sofa headfirst.

“Morning Clint.” you said tentatively, as Tony got up to make some more eggs. You received a grunt in response, and then Nat entered the room, carrying a pair of familiar looking shoes. She put them on the table in front of you and joined Clint on the sofa.

“They were expensive. Don’t lose them again.”

Hungover Nat was pissed off.

“Yes ma’am.” you replied, pulling the shoes towards you; Tony chuckled.

All of a sudden you remembered the comment Nat had made before the party yesterday, possibly triggered by the annoyed look on her face.

“Hey, Nat, what was that about yesterday before the party when you didn’t want me talking to anyone? You said something about not wanting to lose me… what does that mean?” you asked.

“Uh… it doesn’t matter kid, we just need to be careful. Nothing for you to worry about.” Tony interjected quickly.

“I’m not a child.” you reminded him for seemingly the millionth time. “Am I in danger?”

“Possibly.” Nat said, at the same time as Tony said “No!”

You looked to Nat for an explanation, your heart rate suddenly quite a bit faster.

“Not imminent danger. But if certain people find out that you’ve got magic, well, that probably wouldn’t be ideal.” Nat told you, frowning at Tony who was violently shaking his head behind you.

“What certain people?” you asked.

“SHIELD, for one, probably won’t be too happy about it, especially when you’re officially an Avenger…”

“Hang on, you knew about this too? That I was being recruited?”

“I’ve been training you these past two weeks, what do you think?”

“Congrats Y/N.” Clint said from his position on the sofa, giving you a backwards thumbs up.

“Thanks Clint. So, you’re saying that these certain people might do what? If they find out about my magic.”

Nat opened her mouth, and closed it again.

“You’re safe here, you don’t need to worry about what ‘might’ happen, okay? But it would be a good idea to keep it quiet, at least for now, while you’re still our newbie.” Tony reassured you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

You nodded, trying not to feel nervous. Tony was right, there was no safer place for you than right here in the Avengers Tower. Clint managed to get up to eat his breakfast and you returned to your sofa, thinking about what had just been said.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll only stress yourself out.” Nat told you, tapping your forehead gently. You wished it was that simple.

Slowly over the next hour or so, everyone found their way to the kitchen, and Tony made breakfast for everyone who arrived, saying that it was his duty because he’d thrown the party and was the reason for all of the headaches. No one disagreed.

Last to arrive was Loki; he entered the room largely unnoticed and sat himself opposite you, a split second of eye contact the only sign of acknowledgement you received. Still, that was more than anyone else had got. The next few minutes were fairly uneventful, everyone partook in their own conversations apart from you, Loki and Clint, who apparently had fallen back asleep at the table. That was, until Tony decided to make an announcement.

“Everyone listen up a sec, just thought you should know that Reindeer Games can read all of our minds, apart from Y/N’s, so if you have any dark secrets-”

“What?! I thought he wasn’t meant to be able to use magic!” Steve exclaimed, alongside several other angry and disapproving comments. Loki was staring at you. He was angry, you realised very quickly. That was unfair, how had you known Tony was going to tell everyone? Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t have told Tony…

“Sorry.” you mouthed discretely, before gasping in pain as you were hit by a blinding headache. Except you knew it wasn’t a normal headache.

“Y/N? You knew about this? Why didn’t you tell us?” Bruce was asking you, having seen your not so discreet apology. Everyone was watching you.

“Sorry… I guess it slipped my mind…”

“It slipped your mind?!” Steve said incredulously.

It was hard to construct a defence when your head was being split in two.

“Hey, Y/N, don’t _cry_ , we just sort of tend to tell each other important stuff, like when there’s a mind reader in our midst, stuff like that.”

“I’m not crying.” you muttered, blinking hard to clear your vision. The pain was fading now. Loki wasn’t looking at you.

“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you, I’ve had some stuff going on.”

“Stuff which made you forget to mention _this_?!”

“Stuff including finding out that I might not even be from this world, and that _certain people_ might try and kidnap me if they find out about my magic, actually. Is that good enough for you?”

Silence. The pain vanished.

Tony threw his hands up as several accusatory glances were thrown his way.

“Look at Nat, not me.”

Nat shrugged. “She needs to know.”

“What do you mean you might not be from this planet Y/N?” Bruce asked curiously.

“My magic is Asgardian.” you said.

“According to who?”

You pointed at Loki.

“It is.” Loki said, looking directly at Bruce, who in turn looked away uncomfortably. It was rare for Loki to speak in front of the whole group.

“So, you’re from the same place as Thor?” Bucky questioned.

You shrugged in response. You would love to know the answers to all of these questions yourself.

“I’m going to shower.” you said, standing up and leaving the room in silence, not looking at anyone. You were aching and tired and hungover; you didn’t want the drama, you wanted a hot shower and to go back to bed.

After you’d showered you got into fresh pyjamas, closed the blinds and got into bed, immediately feeling your eyes starting to droop. You felt kind of bad for snapping at everyone, but oh well, you’d sort it out later today after you had slept and felt less irritated. It was about thirty seconds before you were asleep again.


	8. In which you go on your first mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I have an exam literally in three hours and I'm so done so I've given up and posting on time for once :) Can't wait for it to be over it's going to be a shambles woohoo! *crying* Okay here's chapter eight, can't believe this has almost 600 hits ahh <3 Happy reading :))

Preparing to be recruited as an Avenger was a tiring process, and all of a sudden you’d almost been living at the Tower for a month. It was a week or so after the party, and no one had been stupid enough to bring up the mind-reading incident since your outburst, which you were grateful for.

In other news, Loki had apparently forgotten that you existed, having not spoken to you since the night of the party. You in turn were slightly annoyed at him about the headache he had given you - that had been uncalled for. So there remained a frosty atmosphere between the two of you, which did not go unnoticed by the rest of the team, especially Thor, who had cornered you after training one morning to talk to you about it. You had denied that there was anything wrong, you’d hardly been best of friends after all, was there really any difference at all apart from the fact he didn’t acknowledge you anymore? He was only treating you the same as the rest of the team. You didn’t care… was what you had told Thor. He’d seen right through you.

“Lady Y/N, I think it would be a wise idea to talk to him. He has taken a liking to you, despite what you both may say, and he needs to be able to talk with someone. He was imprisoned for a long time, and still is unable to use his magic.” Thor said to you.

He was appealing to your better nature, you knew, and goddamn were those baby blues working on you. You also couldn’t just lose the sympathy you had for Loki; you wanted to help him, whether he wanted that help or not.

You sighed, pushing your sweaty hair back out of your face. Training had ramped up in the last few days and you were feeling the effects.

“Okay, I’ll try and talk to him later.” you conceded.

“Thank you, will you let me know how it goes?” Thor asked.

“Yeah, sure. Now can I go shower?” you replied, unable to hold back the smile that spread across your face as you saw how pleased Thor was.

After you’d escaped to your room, showered and got into some comfy clothes, you went in search of Tony to ask him about your ‘gear’ as he’d been calling it. You couldn’t wait to get your hands on your very own clothes made from Stark technology. Unfortunately you didn’t get further than the end of the corridor, where you encountered Loki.

“Uh, hey.” you said, unsure how to approach him. Thor had asked you to talk to him, and you were rarely alone with him; now was as good a time than any. Loki didn’t reply.

“Can we talk?” you asked hesitantly.

“Why did you tell Stark I could read minds? I thought you wanted to ‘help’ me, not undermine me.”

Oh, wow. He had gotten straight to the point, so you decided to as well.

“I didn’t mean to undermine you, I didn’t even mean to tell Tony, I just had other things on my mind. I should have told them sooner, because they have a right to know if you’re reading their minds. And you shouldn’t have given me that headache like you did.” you replied, meeting his challenging gaze.

“Thor told me that you want to help me. I don’t want or need your help with anything. Sorry about the headache. You angered me.” Loki told you, after a pause.

It took you a moment to process the fact that he’d apologised and form your next line of argument.

“Well that’s a shame, because I need your help with my magic, and I like repaying people too.” you challenged, still not breaking your gaze.

“I can’t help you, in case you hadn’t noticed I’m unable to use my magic and I doubt Stark would let me help you even if I did.” he responded sourly.

“Would you help me? If you could use your magic?” you asked hopefully, trying not to show it in your expression.

Loki looked at you for a moment, brow furrowed, as though you were a particularly difficult problem he was trying to figure out.

“I suppose.” he finally answered.

You fought back a smile.

“Well I guess we just need to persuade Tony to let you train me then.” you said optimistically.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up if I were you. That can only end badly.”

“Unless it doesn’t.” you countered.

Loki smiled incredulously. He actually smiled. It was only a split-second of a glimpse, but you’d definitely seen it. And he’d seen that you’d seen.

“I still don’t need your help. Don’t try and help me.” he said, much faster than usual and without his condescending tone.

“We’ll see. See you later.” you said, smiling at him and walking down the corridor to the elevator, which you got in swiftly and pressed the button which would take you down to where Tony’s labs were located. You’d made Loki smile. Progress. You were glad that the two of you were speaking again, despite what you had said to Thor you’d hated not speaking to him over the last week, even though your conversations had been short and to the point. You had liked feeling like he preferred you over anyone else. Over the actual Avengers. It was strange to think that it had felt like an argument with a friend. You hadn’t felt threatened by him, even when he’d given you that headache. The fact that he was considered a mass murderer by most of the population of New York probably should have scared you, but it didn’t. He was just Loki.

The elevator stopped suddenly, jerking your thoughts back down to earth, and you stepped out and began your search for Tony. It didn’t take you long, you just followed the sounds of crashing and a loud voice telling a screwdriver to do something rather unsavoury. You knocked tentatively on the door to the lab he was in and he gestured for you to put your hand on the fingerprint recognition device next to the door, which you did. The door opened and you entered the lab, slightly smug that you had authorised access.

“Hey kid, what’s up?” Tony asked, wiping his forehead with a black stained hand and leaving a smear of whatever it was across his face. You decided not to mention it.

“Hey, I was just wondering if any of my gear was ready yet?”

“Oh yeah! You’ll love this, come and see.” Tony told you, abandoning whatever it was he was doing to show you your kit.

It. Was. Awesome.

There was a proper superhero suit (as you’d just decided to name it), but also casual looking clothes with built in surprises for ‘undercover work’, spy glasses and a whole box full of other stuff, complete with a set of hair bands and bracelets which had tiny cameras in them.

“Tony, this is amazing, thank you so much.” you said, picking up the box to take it back up to your room.

“Hang on! Go through there and try the suit on, I want to make sure it fits right.” Tony told you, pointing across the corridor to a bathroom. You took the suit across the corridor and quickly changed into the suit. It fit perfectly, the material slid over your skin easily when you moved, and wasn’t too heavy, too scratchy, too anything. It was perfect.

You went back across to the lab and gave a twirl for Tony.

“How do I look?”

“Great kid, really great.” he told you, without looking up from his phone.

You planted your hands on your hips and cocked your head, trying to see what was so important on his phone.

“Sorry, sorry… wow, you really do look great. It fits so well! Pep was right about the measurements…”

“What’s going on?” you asked, pointing at his phone.

Tony sighed and shook his head, looking at you in despair.

“We might have a mission.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

You felt excitement spark through you. There was no way he could say no this time, you were already dressed for action!

“Tony-”

You stopped yourself as his phone buzzed and he picked it up immediately, listened to a voice on the other end of the line and then hung up, a look of grim determination on his face as he met your pleading gaze. The determination disappeared almost instantly.

“Fine, you can come. Wait on the roof for the rest of us, we need to get changed.”

You could hardly believe your luck as you followed Tony quickly from the lab with your box of kit and into the elevator, listening as he told JARVIS to alert the others that they needed to leave immediately. Excitement and nerves coursed through your veins as you ran to your room and dumped the box of stuff on your bed, briefly wondering whether you needed any of it or not before deciding that you didn’t, and then making your way back out to the elevator. On the roof it was windy, and you didn’t feel the safest you ever had as you made your way across the tarmac to the Quinjet. Already inside were Clint, Thor and Nat, fully geared up and ready to go. You were going to have to practice getting changed that quickly.

“Y/N, really?” Nat sighed in exasperation.

“Tony said I could come!” you responded defensively, right as Tony arrived with Steve, Bucky and Bruce.

Nat glared at Tony.

“This is stupid.” she told him.

You weren’t paying attention, focusing on not throwing up from the amount of pure adrenaline you were feeling as the Quinjet took off and shot over New York City.

“Y/N, put this on, do not under any circumstances take it off, understand?” Tony said, handing you an earpiece.

“Yep.” you replied, mouth dry.

“It’s just an out of control protest, the NYPD couldn’t handle it so we’re stepping in to try and calm things down before they get out of hand. Hopefully there won’t be a need for us apart from our presence.” Tony was saying.

If the police couldn’t handle a protest, how were you supposed to? You were just a normal person! Well, a normal person with magical abilities she didn’t know how to use. Still.

“She’s not ready!” Nat was saying.

You liked Nat, but she needed to stop treating you as though you were a child.

“I am ready. I’ve been trained by the best.” you said loudly from across the jet.

“For a month. That’s no time at all.”

“Four weeks is a long time, and I know I’ve improved…”

“Stop it. Y/N is here and she’s going to help, there’s nothing to be done about that now.” Steve said firmly, and that was the end of that. You tried to smile at Steve gratefully, but he wasn’t looking at you.

“Tony, you have, uh…” you gestured at his forehead where the streak of black still remained. He rubbed it in frustration, doing nothing but smear it further.

There was a nervous tension in the air which was doing nothing to calm your nerves, and you were raring to get up and go when the jet finally landed on the ground.

“Y/N, do not get hurt. That’s an order.” Tony told you sternly as you stood up along with the others to exit the jet.

“I- okay.” you replied.

“What about the rest of us? Are we allowed to get hurt?” Clint asked sarcastically.

“Yes. Just don’t get yourselves killed.”

This side to Tony was a stone-cold bitch.

“Charming. Good luck kiddo.” Clint said, ruffling your hair as he passed you, and you swatted him away playfully.

“Thanks Clint.”

“After you Lady Y/N, try to stay close to me.” Thor told you with a smile. Here was someone who could alleviate your nerves.

“Thanks Thor.” you replied, clenching your fists to stop your hands from shaking.

You followed the Avengers out on to the ground and towards the protest – time to put your month of training to good use and prove Nat wrong. The protesters were rowdy, yelling and throwing things at the armed police officers, who were yet to retaliate. Tony talked to an important looking man while the rest of you observed the scene. There was definitely a bad atmosphere, but why had they felt the need to call the team?

Three things happened very suddenly as an immediate answer to your question. First, you saw Tony’s face drain of colour as he spotted something in the crowd, second, there were screams and yell from the centre of the crowd, where Tony’s gaze had fallen.

Third… gunshots.


	9. In which your eyes are purple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I'm back and there's only three days left of exam hell before I'm freee :)) Can't wait! I'll update again later this week when I'm done with revision and stuff, until then enjoy chapter nine! Love seeing your comments on here and thanks for all the kudos<3

The team reacted with lightning speed; before you’d even fully comprehended what was happening they were gone from your side, fighting to get towards the middle of the scrum. You focused on getting people out of the way, remembering what Nat had told you in training about getting civilians to safety first and foremost.

Things had gone from zero to a hundred super quickly, and your head span as you tried to focus on helping people up off of the floor and herding them away from danger. You hadn’t realised how loud it was going to be, the yells and screams of people around you mingled with the shouts of the team through your earpiece and the frighteningly close sound of the guns. Your gaze fell upon a person was being trampled as people fled from the scene and you rushed to help, hauling them to their feet and telling them to get away, right as you had a horribly strong feeling that something was wrong.

The sound of Tony and Bucky yelling at you to get down through your earpiece almost deafened you, but instead of ducking you automatically spun around and threw your hands up defensively. The bullet stopped an inch from your face, reminding you of a knife you had seen there recently. You could see the shooter now, staring at you in disbelief as the purple mist vanished, allowing Tony to rugby tackle him to the ground and get the gun off of him.

“One’s down.” Tony grunted to the others as he wrestled with the man.

“There are two others, some people are injured over here.” you heard Nat say through your earpiece, and ran across to where there were still two active shooters. There was a girl, she couldn’t have been much younger than you, on the floor covered in blood and clutching her leg, surrounded by three other girls who were trying to drag her out of harm’s way. Some other people were trying to come back over to help too, that was bad, you needed them out of the way. The rest of the team were surrounding the other two shooters while Tony held the other one, so you ran to help try and move this girl with her tearful friends.

“Someone get something to stop the bleeding, a hoodie, anything. Put pressure on it; we need to try and lift her. On three, okay? Get her behind that tree.” you told them, trying not to look directly at all the blood. Together you half lifted, half dragged the girl across the ground towards the trees, but only got half-way before you had to stop. There was a yell from through your earpiece and then several shouts of “Clint!”. Shit. That didn’t sound good.

“Stop, don’t let him run! Steve- Y/N!”

This time you weren’t ready, still carrying the now half unconscious girl. You dropped the arm you were holding (gently, you hoped) and turned to stand in front of the small group of people behind you. One of the shooters was running, reloading the gun as he did so, but faltered as he saw you stood in front of the group, apparently completely vulnerable.

“Y/N, do your thing! Get him to stop!”

“I can’t just do it! I don’t know how, I-” you faltered as the shooter directed the gun towards you, watching helplessly as he pulled the trigger… but not before Steve threw his shield and knocked the gun clean from his hand. The bullet missed by a mile. Bucky prevented him from running any further by knocking him out with a punch to the jaw, watching him collapse in distaste.

“Second one’s down…”

“And the third.” Nat said, sounding vaguely out of breath.

You turned back to the girls behind you, to find that they were gone, having made it to the trees. Jogging over, you felt your eyes burning, like you were about to start crying. _Don’t cry Y/N, she’s fine. It’s not your fault._

“Is she alright? Has someone called an ambulance?” you asked, standing over the group.

“Of course she’s not fine, look at- oh.” one of the girls said aggressively, turning to address you and stopping in surprise. The others turned to look too and… did they look scared? Of you?

There were too many voices over your earpiece, why did they all sound panicked? The shooters were down…

“Stay with me bud, keep your eyes open, we’re getting in the jet now…”

Clint.

“Keep pressure on that wound. Paramedics will be over soon.” you said to the group as you turned and sprinted back towards the Quinjet. The police were pushing the shooters into the back of their cars and some were trying to talk to Tony, who shooed them away, looking around for you.

“Why were you… over there?”

Why had he paused?

“A girl was injured, only her leg, there are paramedics coming, right?” you said, allowing him to herd you into the jet ahead of him.

“Yeah, yeah they’re here.”

The door closed and you were in the air almost immediately; everyone gathered around Clint lying out on the sick bed. He was sickly pale and covered in a layer of sweat, his breathing shallow as Nat did something to his shoulder, where there was a lot of blood. You chose not to look too closely.

“You okay?” Bucky asked from next to you, squeezing your shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks.” you replied, looking at him gratefully. Bucky’s eyes widened and he took a step back, letting go of your shoulder.

“What?” you asked, suddenly afraid. Why was everyone being so weird?

“You- your eyes…” Bucky said, staring.

Ah.

“Oh yeah. They do that.” you said dejectedly, squeezing your eyelids shut and pressing two fingers to your forehead. That’s why your eyes were burning. It felt like your magic was _right_ below the surface, waiting to get out, but you didn’t know how to let it. It was so frustrating.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, it was just a shock, y’know?” Bucky apologised, looking worried that he’d upset you. Steve and Bruce were staring now too.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” you told him with a smile, turning to sit down on one of the seats which lined the walls of the jet.

“Well done Lady Y/N, your first mission!” Thor congratulated you, and you thanked him with a smile. What had you done, really, apart from accidentally use your magic and then almost failed to protect yourself and other innocent people a second time? If Steve hadn’t thrown his shield… would you have been able to use your magic without it being an unconscious decision? You didn’t want to think about it.

You were back at the tower in no time, and Clint was hurried to the medical wing immediately by Nat and Bruce, who gave everyone else strict instructions not to come and see if he was okay until they were done. And that he _would_ be okay.

“C’mon kid, I bet you’re shattered. Let’s go see if Reindeer Games has broken anything or run away. By the way, your eyes are purple.” Tony told you as you exited the Quinjet.

“I know.” you sighed, appreciating that he was trying to make you feel better about it. You had forgotten all about Loki until Tony had mentioned him then, and couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. At least he was being trusted a bit more, being left virtually on his own. You’d go talk to him after you got changed. He probably hadn’t even noticed you’d been gone.

_Loki’s POV_

Loki had noticed that you’d been gone. He’d thought of little else since you had left with the others in a burst of spontaneity over an hour ago. And he hadn’t stopped _worrying_. It was a horrible feeling, and he had continuously told himself to stop, but that hadn’t helped in the slightest. He also told himself that he was only worrying because he and he alone knew how powerful, and potentially dangerous, your magic was, especially as you didn’t know how to use it properly, but he knew that that wasn’t entirely true. He wouldn’t let himself think about why he was actually worrying.

He was in the lounge when the Quinjet returned, and watched in trepidation as it disappeared above to land on the roof. He was going to be so angry with Thor if you were hurt, or worse… no. The following three minutes of waiting were excruciating, until finally the elevator made that annoying dinging noise and the doors slid open. He heard Thor’s voice first, no wonder, he was so loud, and then the Captain and his brown-haired friend… Bucky, that was it. Thor strode into the room and clapped Loki on the shoulder.

“Did you enjoy the peace?”

“I was, yes.” Loki replied, trying not to show his annoyance. Where were you?

“Well, the mission was a success, Clint has been injured but he will survive.”

Loki allowed himself to relax. If you weren’t okay Thor would have told him immediately. Good.

“Wonderful news.” Loki replied with a hint of sarcasm, pretending to be immersed the book which was on his lap.

“I am going to change.” Thor said, leaving the room.

About five minutes later Stark entered the room and sat opposite Loki.

“So, what did you get up to while we were gone?”

“Sat, read, had a drink.” Loki replied, looking directly at him. He found it made people uncomfortable. Well, everyone but you.

“Good.” Tony said, not even looking suspicious. Loki found that odd. It was also odd not gaining someone’s trust in order to manipulate them, rather just for the sake of it. But also to regain his magic. He missed it more than he cared to let on.

It was at that exact moment that he heard your voice. Your laugh, to be exact, followed by the Captain’s voice. Stark was staring at him now. He hoped he hadn’t shown emotion upon hearing your voice, that would be extremely embarrassing.

You entered the room with the Captain and Bucky, and sat yourself down on the sofa next to him. Not next to Tony. Him.

“Hey.” you said.

“Your eyes are purple.”

Tony chuckled as you put your head in your hands, pressing your palms hard into your eyeballs.

“Yes. I was aware.” you muttered.

“Anyone want bagels?” Bucky called from the kitchen.

“Yes please!” you said eagerly, looking up again as though you hadn’t realised how hungry you were until food had been mentioned.

You were okay.

Now Loki could stop worrying about you, and start worrying about why he’d been worrying about you in the first place.


	10. In which you are very ill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoo, I'm alive y'all, I've finished all my mocks and now I am free! (until the real things in three months) (which I am choosing not to think about) Anyways, as promised here is chapter ten, hope you guys enjoy and please leave a comment! <3

It was two days after your first mission with the Avengers, and you hadn’t left your bed since the previous morning. You had the worst cold you thought you’d ever had and definitely felt the worst you ever had; not allowing anyone apart from Thor anywhere near you, as he wouldn’t be affected by ‘a silly Midgardian ailment’. It hadn’t felt very silly to you when you’d not slept all night from not being able to breathe. Ah well, you weren’t exactly having a hard time, lying in bed all day watching TV and being bought food regularly by Thor who stayed to make sure you ate it and to keep you company for a while.

At exactly one o’clock in the afternoon Thor knocked on the door and you called him in, pausing the show that you were watching. You’d spent almost all of yesterday watching the news, which you had been on (apparently people had noticed that there was a new, magic wielding member of the team), and worrying about what people were saying about you until Thor had finally persuaded you to turn it off. Also on your mind was Nat’s comment that she’d made after the party, about how you might be in danger if people knew about your magic. Which _they_ , whoever they were, now inevitably did. You would have to talk to her about that later.

“Lady Y/N, feeling any better?” Thor asked, setting a tray of food down in front of you and sitting himself on the edge of your bed.

You were feeling better in fact, you’d even got dressed and made your bed this morning, so you were lounging on it rather than in it today.

“A bit, thanks Thor. This looks great.” you replied, picking up the knife and fork on the tray.

“So, what have I missed this morning? Anything special?”

“No, nothing special. Everyone wishes you would come out of your room though.”

“I’m not getting any of you lot ill, we’ve been over this.” you told him sternly; he raised his hands with a smile.

“You are too kind to them.”

“Why, have they been talking about me behind my back?” you joked, raising a forkful of food to your mouth. Your smile faltered as Thor hesitated.

“No, not like that… there’s just been a slight debate.” Thor hurried to reassure you. Suddenly you didn’t feel very hungry anymore. You searched Thor’s face for answers, but he wasn’t giving anything away.

“What’s been going on?” you asked, putting your fork down. Thor saw this and sighed, knowing it was your way of telling him that you wouldn’t eat until you knew what he was keeping from you.

“Some of them are worried about your magic, and you using it in public when you’re still not sure of it. They said that certain people might see it as a weakness, which would affect both the team and your safety, and no one wants that.”

“Some of them being Nat. And Steve?” you guessed, apparently correctly judging by the look on Thor’s face.

“That’s fair, I guess.” you muttered, picking up your fork again. Thor had spilt the beans; now you had to do your part. You ate in silence, stewing over what you’d just been told, while Thor seemed to be trying to find the right words. When you were finished, Thor opened his mouth, but you stopped him before he could start talking.

“Thor, it’s fine, they’re entirely justified in what they’re saying. I’ll talk to them myself when I’m better, okay?” you told him, trying to smile as you talked.

Thor bent his head as he stood and picked up the tray.

“I will tell them.” he informed you as he started to leave the room.

“Oh, one last thing, Loki has been getting moody with no one to talk to, so try and get better soon alright?”

“Tell him to come visit me, I could do with some more company.” you replied, slightly cheered by the fact that Loki was apparently missing you.

“I will.” Thor smiled, and left the room.

Less than five minute later there was another knock on your door, and Loki appeared in the doorway.

“That didn’t take long.” you smiled, trying not to laugh at how awkward he looked.

“Thor said you wanted to speak to me?”

“Well, not about anything specific really, I just wanted some company, and you and Thor are the only two I won’t infect with my germs.” you told him as he made his way carefully over to the edge of your bed and sat down.

“Ah.” was his simple reply. You cocked your head, frowning slightly with a hint of a smile. You hadn’t seen awkward Loki before. Angry, sarcastic, rude Loki sure, but awkward was new.

“So, what have the others been saying about me out there? Thor told me that Nat and Steve think I’m a weak link.” you joked, praying that Loki would correct you.

“Well… yes. But everyone else backed you up.”

Great. At least the others had your back.

“You desperately need training, it’s dangerous you not knowing how to control your magic when it’s that powerful.”

“Is it really that strong?” you asked worriedly, and saw Loki’s gaze visibly soften. He _did_ have a heart.

“Yes, but it will be easy enough to learn how to control it. First however we need to convince Stark to get rid of _this._ ” he said, gesturing to the metal cuff around his wrist.

Whoa, hold up. _We?_ And had he just offered to train you? You composed yourself quickly, not wanting to lose this opportunity.

“I’ll talk to him. Are you sure you don’t just want your magic back so you can escape?” you asked, only half joking.

Loki looked up at you quickly, his eyes searching your face.

“Do you really think I would?”

Wow, way for making you feel bad. Honestly, you didn’t know the answer to his question.

“I don’t exactly get the impression that you enjoy being here.” you finally settled for.

“Mostly, no. But it’s safe, and I have nowhere else to go. And you’re here.”

The shock you felt at his words must have shown on your face, because he back-pedalled at an astonishing speed.

“I mean, I can’t leave you here alone with these fools who don’t know anything in the slightest about magic, it would be a disaster, you need training…” he trailed off here and looked towards the door as if he wanted to escape.

You prayed that you weren’t going red. _Prayed_.

“Well, I’m glad you’re not planning on leaving, if I don’t learn how to deal with this magic soon I might spontaneously combust.”

Loki looked blank.

“That’s when you catch on fire without warning.” you explained.

He laughed (laughed!) in disbelief and shook his head. “You Midgardians come up with some odd ideas.”

“Hey, watch who you’re calling Midgardian.” you joked, and then there it was again, that rare smile. You were dumbfounded. Had you just made him laugh _and_ smile in the same minute? Was this a world record?

“Sorry, I was referring to Midgardians in general.” he amended.

You just watched him, raising your eyebrows and smiling.

“What?” he asked quickly, switching back to uncomfortable in a split second.

“Nothing… I’ve just never seen you laugh before.” you told him truthfully.

“Yes, well. There hasn’t been much for me to laugh about recently.” he told you amiably, causing that sympathy to well up in you again.

“I’m glad you find me of amusement.” you replied eventually, smiling.

Loki seemed to struggle to find a response to that, so you changed the subject.

“So, how are we going to persuade Tony to let you use your magic again? I think he trusts you… but I’m not sure if it’s enough for him to get that off of you.” you thought aloud, gesturing to the cuff around his wrist, watching Loki’s thoughtful expression change to one of someone who had a plan.

“Unless we don’t need to persuade him. He doesn’t need to know…”

You were shaking your head before he’d even reached the end of his sentence.

“No, I can’t go behind his back, not after what he’s done for me.” you said firmly, and Loki shrugged, looking only vaguely disappointed.

“I thought you’d say that. You’ll need to talk to him, he won’t listen to me.” he told you; you nodded in agreement.

“I’ll talk to him about it while I ask them about the whole using my magic in public business, he won’t be able to argue with me then because technically Nat and Steve are already on our side.”

“Stark wants a sorcerer to train you, someone called Strange.” Loki said… bitterly?

“I’ll talk to him about it.” you said, trying not to feel secretly pleased that he seemed to want to train you so badly. You failed.

“I should go, the others won’t appreciate my being alone in here with you.” he said, standing up suddenly and turning to look at you.

“Oh, okay.” you replied, trying not to display your disappointment in your voice.

“Get well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Loki said, opening the door and giving you a shadow of a smile.

“See you later.”

A laugh. An actual laugh. If that wasn’t progress you didn’t know what was.


	11. In which you have to stay behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, chapter eleven is heree, I've been posting like twice a week but that will have to change quite soon or I might run out of chapters, I'm currently writing chapter twenty-two and don't want to catch up with myself because I can't handle pressure XD Thanks for your lovely comments, it makes writing this seem worth it when I know people are enjoying what I'm doing! <3

The day after you had made the ground-breaking discovery that Loki could laugh, you finally felt well enough to come out of your room, a decision which seemed to make everyone rather happy, much to your surprise and delight. Whoever would have thought that your presence would be wanted by the Avengers? That had been yesterday, and you’d decided not to bring up the fact that Thor had told you about the argument everyone had had about you and using your magic in public purely because everyone had seemed to be in such a good mood. And besides, your throat was too sore for an argument which might involve yelling.

Today, however, was a different story. You were sat around in the living area eating breakfast, and everyone was present (even Clint, who was making a speedy recovery), so you decided to bring it up.

“So, is anyone going to tell me about the argument that went on when I was in my room?” you asked innocently, biting into your toast.

“For crying out loud Thor.” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair.

Thor remained silent, watching you from across the room as you chewed your toast, looking at each person in the room one by one, none of whom seemed to want to make eye contact with you, apart from Loki. He returned your gaze with a look that so clearly said ‘be careful’ it was almost as though he’d said it to you out loud.

“Did Thor tell you everything?” Nat asked, finally addressing you. You glanced at Thor, who subtly shook his head.

“Some of it. But I’d like to hear it from you guys if that’s okay? Something about me being a weak link…”

The moment these words left your lips there was an outburst of protest: Thor yelling that he hadn’t said anything like that, half the room telling Thor off and the other half protesting about what you had said. Loki closed his eyes momentarily at the explosion of noise and you saw his eyes move under his eyelids as he rolled his eyes and exhaled. You didn’t want to be careful, you wanted to call people out.

“All we said was that it’s not a great look for us, or you, if you’re out in the field not knowing what you’re doing.”

Wow, leave it to Nat to give it to you straight.

“It’s for your safety Y/N, first and foremost.” Steve told you.

“Yeah, I get that. It just would have been nice for someone to tell me about all this to my face.” you replied, and again you were met with silence.

“There is an easy way to solve this.”

Of all the voices in the room, you had not been expecting to hear Loki’s. Everyone looked up in surprise, but no one said anything, so Loki interpreted this as an invitation to continue.

“She needs training.” he said; you nodded in agreement, but before you could open your mouth to back him up, Tony spoke.

“No, absolutely not.” he said, as he walked over to stand by where you were sat on your stool almost protectively.

“Tony, why not? It’s a logical- ”

“Yes, you need to be trained, but not by Reindeer Games.”

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Loki sit up a fraction straighter, clenching his jaw. Thor shifted in his position stood by the wall, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Why is that?” you asked, unamused.

“Because I’ve arranged training for you already.”

“And what if I don’t- ” you started saying, trailing off as JARVIS interrupted your sentence.

“Sir, there has been an incident.”

Immediately after, Tony’s phone started ringing, and his face dropped when he saw who was calling.

“Gear up.” he said to the room, before leaving the room swiftly to answer his phone. Everyone jumped to their feet apart from Loki and Clint, abandoning their food to go and get geared up. Thor stopped you however as you made your way towards the door.

“Lady Y/N, you are still recovering, I believe it is unwise for you to accompany us on this mission.” he told you, kindly enough, but with a stern undertone.

“Thor, I’m fine, honestly! It will do me good to get some fresh air…”

“Go, brother.” Loki said from behind you, suddenly becoming part of the conversation, and Thor nodded gratefully and left.

“Loki, what are you doing? I want to- ”

“I know, but you should stay behind regardless with this argument going on. It will only create tension. Also, you really don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I’ve been training with Nat! I do know what I’m doing.”

“Not with your magic you don’t. Hand to hand combat can only get you so far, you need your magic. Besides, it’s dangerous for your emotions to run so high when you can’t use your magic, you don’t know what you’re capable of.”

“I just- I…”

“Miss Y/N, Tony has instructed you to stay behind on this occasion.” JARVIS’ voice told you suddenly.

“Kid, you know you’re fighting a losing battle when Rudolph and Tony are on the same side.” Clint piped up from the sofa.

“Great, thanks Clint.” you snapped, turning on your heel to leave the room.

“Wait… where are you going?” Loki asked, following you from the room.

“My room, is that alright with you?”

“You can’t leave me with him!” he hissed, catching hold of your arm and tugging you backwards.

You stared at Loki’s hand in surprise, and he dropped your arm quickly.

“Sorry.” he said.

“Kid! Keep an eye on these boys will you? I don’t know how long we’ll be gone for, this is serious.” Tony told you, heading for the elevator.

“Sure. Have a great time.” you replied sourly.

“Hey…” Tony jogged over to where you were stood and took hold of your shoulders.

“We’ll talk when I get back okay? I know you’re pissed… don’t be.” he said.

You looked up at him and were surprised to see how worried he looked, suddenly realising why he was trying to make amends with you. In case he didn’t come back. And then you weren’t mad anymore, feeling worry blossom in your chest instead.

“I… be careful.” you said, going to squeeze his hand but then realising that he was unlikely to feel it through his iron suit.

“We will kid, don’t worry. See you later.”

“Love you too Tony! Don’t worry about saying bye to me, I’m just chilling.” Clint declared from the sofa, making you laugh.

You followed Loki back into the living room, and watched as the Quinjet took off about two minutes later.

“They’ll be fine Y/N, quit worrying. Chuck me the remote would you?” Clint said from where he was splayed on the sofa. You wished you could be as relaxed as him, but you were unable to get Tony’s worried expression out of your mind. And all you had for distraction was Loki and Clint. This was going to be a long day.

In order to distract yourself, you kept busy all day. First you tidied up from breakfast; everyone’s discarded plates were lying around the room and you couldn’t stand mess. Then you decided to clean the kitchen, acutely aware of Loki watching you while you worked. Again. This time though you didn’t receive a headache.

When you were done you left the room to get your gear on, despite Loki’s obvious silent pleas for you to stay (which mostly involved him glaring at you), and then went down to the training rooms to take out some of your pent-up frustration on a punch bag. You stayed down there for about an hour, and afterwards you knew you would be aching profusely tomorrow, but didn’t care. You’d needed to let out some of your anger. Afterwards, slumped against the wall, you remembered what Loki had said about you being potentially dangerous when your emotions were running high. Holding your hand out in front of you, you concentrated hard on it, imagining your magic rising to the surface. It wasn’t difficult; a second later your hand had a purple glow about it. Immediately, you felt your eyes burn… but it wasn’t a burn. More of a tingle. You didn’t feel scared, watching the purple glow around your hand grow stronger until there was a ball of purple mist sat in your outstretched palm. Smiling slightly, you tossed it up in the air and caught it, laughing in disbelief when you were able to hold it there.

Suddenly, there was a noise from out in the corridor, and the mist vanished instantly as you looked up in surprise. A bit disappointed, you collected your things and headed back upstairs to shower and get changed, making a note to tell Loki what you’d discovered when you weren’t covered in sweat.

After you’d showered, you returned to the living room to find Clint exactly where you’d left him, asleep, but no Loki. Still determined to keep your mind off of the team, you grabbed a book from the bookshelf and started to read. Luckily, it was a good book, which managed to keep you occupied until your stomach alerted you to the fact that it was time for lunch. You threw a pillow at Clint to wake him up and ask him what he wanted to eat, and then made lunch for the two of you. Loki still didn’t show up.

You cleared up, and then watched a film with Clint which took you up to about four o’clock. Still no Loki. Still no word from the team.

“Y/N, I could hardly hear the film over your worrying. You have to stop. They’re all fine, okay?” Clint said to you sternly, sitting up with a wince, holding his shoulder.

“You don’t know that.” you replied.

Clint chose to ignore this.

“Where’s Reindeer Games got to? I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“He’s probably just in his room… or something.” you told him, without much confidence.

“You realise that Tony will kill us both if he’s made a run for it.”

“He hasn’t made a run for it. And Tony would kill you, not me.” you corrected, earning an impressive eye roll from Clint.

“We should go look for him, just in case.”

“It’s fine, he’s fine. If he still hasn’t turned up in an hour then ‘we’, meaning I, will go and look for him.” you said, and Clint nodded in acceptance.

“Deal. Now, what do you wanna watch?”

“Really? You’ve been watching TV all day, don’t you want to stretch your legs?”

“No. I’m injured, I need to rest.”

“Bullshit, you’re fine. You’ve just got chronic laziness.” you smirked, ducking as he lobbed a pillow at you.

“I didn’t see you getting injured in the line of duty Y/N, pipe down.”

“Yeah, because I wasn’t stupid enough to get myself shot.” you countered, laughing as he performed yet another eye roll.

“Alright smart arse, pass me the remote.”

An hour passed, and Loki still remained absent, so Clint shooed you away to go and hunt him down. He wasn’t in his room as you’d suspected, nor was he in the training rooms, or the labs, or the penthouse, so you decided to check the roof as a last resort. You found him sat crossed legged on one of the benches on the roof next to the helipad, looking the most like a normal human you’d ever seen him. His chin was rested in the palm of his hand, elbow rested on his knee, and he was staring out across New York with a glazed look on his face.

You approached tentatively, but that didn’t stop him from sitting bolt upright the minute he heard you behind him, swinging his legs back down to the ground and spinning around.

“Oh.” he said as he saw you, visibly relaxing.

“Hey, can I sit?” you asked.

He nodded, and you sat down next to him, crossing your legs as he had done.

“You haven’t been up here all day have you? Clint said you disappeared after breakfast.” you said.

“Well, it’s not much fun being left alone in a room with someone who strongly dislikes you when you can read their mind.” he replied, tugging the ends of his jacket sleeves down so that they covered his hands.

“Shit, I forgot. Sorry. I needed to go punch some things.” you explained, trying not to stare at the obvious act of insecurity he had just displayed.

“I know. It must be frustrating for you, not being able to use your magic. I can’t imagine how that feels.”

A slow smile spread across your face as you looked at him. He was pleased with himself.

“Sarcasm? I’m impressed.” you commented, laughing as he shrugged and pulled a ‘what can I say?’ face.

“Seriously though, you’ve been up here all day?” you continued.

“No, I was in the penthouse. Barton’s thoughts are loud, and yours are unusually quiet. I’ve just been reading, and then came out here when it got too warm.” he told you, making brief eye contact. He’d been doing that more recently; you wished you could have longer to look at his face. Now that he wasn’t being held prisoner, he had stopped looking like one, and started to look more like how you imagined he had as an Asgardian prince. More elegant and, dare you say it, handsome. He didn’t look gaunt anymore, his hair had a shine to it and the dark shadows had disappeared from under his eyes. He looked healthy.

“What?”

You snapped out of your trance, realising you’d been staring.

“Sorry, zoned out there for a second.”

He frowned at you in suspicion, and turned back to face the view, the fading sunlight illuminating his face. His eyes looked amazing in this light, they were _so_ blue. Stop it Y/N. Stop staring. You turned away, thanking god that he couldn’t read your mind. You cleared your throat.

“So, anyway, when I was done punching stuff, I tried to use my magic…”

“That was stupid. You could have hurt yourself.”

Bit harsh.

“Well, it was only this.” you said, holding out your hand and concentrating. Nothing happened.

“I don’t understand. It worked earlier.” you said, feeling frustration rise in your stomach that you couldn’t summon your magic by will. And then your hand was enshrouded in purple.

“Oh.”

Loki examined your hand, nodding.

“That’s good, it’s the first step to training: being able to do small things.”

“I think I have to be feeling some form of strong emotion to summon it, like I can’t just do it whenever.”

“That comes with practice. For now you should try not to use it.” he told you, and you dropped your hand, feeling the magic leave.

Seconds later, a familiar sound reached your ears, growing louder and louder. The Quinjet.

“They’re back!”

“I should go, they won’t like us being up here alone together.” Loki said, standing up swiftly and turning away.

“Tell Clint you haven’t run away will you?” you asked, half joking, half not.

“Did you think I’d left?” he asked, turning back to you.

“He did.” you replied, grabbing at your hair as the jet landed behind you, causing it to fly everywhere.

Loki simply nodded, his face unreadable and turned back towards the door.

You ran to the door of the Quinjet, which opened to reveal everyone inside, seemingly uninjured.

“You okay kid? Did something happen?” Tony was with you instantly, worry etched on his face.

“No, I just came to see that you were all okay.” you replied, confused as to why he’d been so worried.

“Come on, let’s get inside. We’re all fine.” Tony said, leading you towards the doors into the tower.

Why was he so worried? Something had definitely happened on that mission. You had a feeling you were about to find out what.


	12. In which you find out you're in danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo, I did say I'd start posting less regularly but I'm too eager to get all of the chapters I already have out there! The pace will start slowing down pretty soon though (I think). Here's chapter twelve, comment if you enjoy! Also thanks for all of the great comments you've been leaving already uwu <3

Once you were inside, the team all piled into the living room (much to Clint’s annoyance) and you were sat down by Tony, who in short told you that it was safe to say there was a group of people out to get you.

You were being targeted, you were in danger.

He then explained how they had found this out on the mission they had just been on, but you weren’t paying attention anymore, trying to work out how to feel. Scared? Angry? Calm?

“Kid? You okay?” Tony asked; apparently he had finished talking now.

You nodded mutely and pointed towards your bedroom, standing up and leaving the room.

The minute you were inside your room with the door locked, you sat on your bed in shock. That was how you felt: shocked. And not safe. An unhelpful combination, which meant that you didn’t sleep very much at all that night.

…

The next morning you were the first one up (if you could call it ‘up’ when you hadn’t slept all night), Or so you thought.

“Good morning Y/N.” Loki’s voice came suddenly from one of the sofas, making you jump.

“Hey, sorry, didn’t see you there.” you exhaled, placing a hand on your chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s fine. Why are you up so early?” you asked, heading for the kettle.

“I have told you already, I don’t need to sleep. Everyone was worrying about you extremely audibly in their thoughts all night, especially Stark.” he replied, causing a pang of guilt to shoot through you.

“Do you know what they found that made them so worried?” you asked, trying to sound casual.

Loki opened his mouth, and then closed it again.

You stared at him. If he found it disconcerting, then you were definitely in big trouble.

“It’s my fault.” he finally said.

There was a good few seconds of silence as you tried to process what had just been said.

“What do you mean it’s your fault? What have you done?” you replied, half in disbelief, half in fear.

“At the party. When I was arguing with Thor about not attending, I said some things I shouldn’t have when there were guests nearby. About you.”

You were becoming more and more confused by the second.

“I don’t understand… why were you talking about me when you were arguing with Thor-”

“He said that I seemed to enjoy your company and it might do me good to spend some time with you, and I told him that the only reason you were being remotely kind to me was because we share the same magic and you wanted to learn how to use it.” he told you, his voice louder than usual and without its usual self-important air.

Shocked, you stood very still, not knowing how to deal with this unexpected situation.

“Someone must have heard, and… I don’t know, told the wrong people. It’s my fault.” he concluded matter of factly, determinedly not looking in your direction.

Your brain was going a hundred miles an hour trying to wrap your head around it all. Was this why these people were after you, because they knew you had the same magic as Loki and had seen what he had done in the New York attack? And they thought that you were going to do the same, and cause more damage. Loki seemed to think so; that would make sense, and they were targeting you because you still didn’t know how to use your magic properly; you were weak.

But you would think about that later, there was a bigger problem to deal with first. You walked around the kitchen island and sat on the sofa opposite Loki.

“Surely you know that that’s not true.” you said, after a pause.

“How else do you explain how these people know about our magic being similar? I doubt the others have been talking about it in public…” he said bitterly.

“No, Loki. I mean the bit about me only talking to you because I want to learn how to use my magic.”

Nothing. No giveaways, not even a blink. He really knew how to hide how he felt.

“Because it’s not true.” you continued, tilting your head to try and get him to look at you.

He stood up suddenly and walked away five steps, only to stop suddenly and swing around to face you, pointing at you almost threateningly.

“You… are infuriating.” he told you, sounding immensely annoyed.

“…what? Why?” you asked, frowning in confusion at his sudden outburst.

“I can’t understand you! Why do you insist upon being so nice to me? Everyone else here can’t stand me; they’d rather I wasn’t here, but you… you talk to me. You don’t make up crude nicknames or fall silent when I enter a room. But I can’t read your mind, I don’t know what goes on in your head. I can’t…” here he trailed off, shaking his head while staring at you.

You leaned back against the sofa, once again lost for words. Loki walked back over and sat heavily back down, continuing to make eye contact with you. You looked right back at him.

“You are odd.” he eventually said.

For some reason this caused your lips to twist into a smile.

“Thanks. So are you.” you replied, and he nodded, finally breaking eye contact to look back down at his hands.

“Can you forgive me?” he eventually asked.

“Don’t be stupid, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known what would happen.” you retorted, brushing away his apology.

“You could be in serious danger. You are, according to Stark and the others.”

You shrugged.

“I’m joining the Avengers, I think that’s going to be a given from now on.” you replied, trying to smile.

Loki opened his mouth to say something else, but at that exact moment Tony entered the room. He stopped short when he saw the two of you sat opposite each other on the sofas and raised his eyebrows.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked.

“No, no. You’re not. No.” you said quickly.

“The very fact that you just told me no three times in a row would suggest that I am in fact interrupting.” he replied, with a hint of a smile.

“You’re not.” you confirmed, forcing a smile. You seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

“Well good, because I want to talk to you. Mainly about how these people who are after you know that your magic is the same as Rei- Loki’s.”

Loki stiffened, almost imperceptibly, but you saw it. Tony would go mental if he found out what had happened.

“We were actually just talking about that.” you said, thinking fast, feeling your chest tighten as Loki looked up at you sharply, a plea in his eyes. Did he really think you would sell him out just like that?

“It must have been someone at the party. Everyone was so drunk Tony, they could have let anything slip.” you told him.

“Yes, that’s what I thought at first, but see… the others didn’t find out about that until after the party. So the only people who would have known about it during the party were you pair. Nat had already said she was concerned about you talking to people Y/N, and I don’t think you would have mentioned your magic to anyone. Which just leaves…” Tony trailed off to look at Loki.

“What is it exactly that you’re trying to suggest, Stark?” Loki asked, standing up as Tony walked over to face him. You stood up too, determined to keep the peace, momentarily distracted by how much taller Loki was than Tony.

“Okay, guys, let’s not get carried away…” you said, moving to stand between the two men.

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me Reindeer Games?” Tony spoke over the top of you, apparently unfazed by the height difference.

Loki glowered at Tony, clenching his jaw.

“Tony, back off…” you told him.

“Y/N, get out the way.” Tony said to you.

“Yes, move Y/N, let’s see what Stark will do.” Loki told you, a challenge in his voice.

You didn’t move.

Tony was glaring at Loki with true hatred in his eyes, and held out an arm for the sleeve of his Iron Man suit.

Tony, don’t…” you begged, putting a hand on his arm.

“Y/N, move!” Loki half shouted from behind you.

“Don’t yell at her, I swear to-”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not one of your minions Stark, you can’t order me around.”

“I can send you back to Asgard, that’s what I can… do.”

Tony trailed off as he looked at you. You and your purple eyes. You turned around to look at Loki too, who immediately backed off.

“Sit down.” you instructed them both, trying not to feel pleased when they both did so instantly. As they did so, you turned your eyes back to their usual colour. You could control it. Fighting down the elation you were feeling, you focused on the matter at hand.

“Tony, this isn’t Loki’s fault, okay?” you told him.

“We don’t know that-”

“He told me and I believe him. It was probably me, I don’t remember half of the night, I could have been talking to anyone. Also, what was it you said to Nat about having ‘triple checked’ the guest list?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as Loki smirked. It was a low blow, but you were pissed that he’d jumped at a chance to accuse Loki of something.

Tony didn’t have an answer for that one.

“And besides, how do we even know that that’s why they’re targeting me? It might be for a different reason…” you stopped talking when you saw the look on Tony’s face.

“We saw the plans Y/N, it wasn’t hard to understand why they were doing what they’re doing.”

You tried not to think about it. Loki didn’t look so smug anymore.

“I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to try and stop me from coming on missions?” you asked.

“Until you’ve learnt how to control your magic, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Tony returned.

“Loki can teach me.”

“Are we still arguing about this? Tony, just let him teach the kid. It’ll be a help.” Clint’s voice emanated from the doorway.

You looked triumphantly at Loki, and then Tony.

“We’ll talk about it with the others later.” Tony replied, sounding disgruntled.

…

Later, with the others, Tony was largely outnumbered. By everyone.

“Thor can sit in on her training, just to be safe.” Nat said, trying to console Tony after his massive defeat in the discussion.

“Can I now?” Thor asked.

“Yes, that would be good Thor. And you can be responsible for that band as well – saves me having to worry about it.” Tony said, gesturing towards the cuff on Loki’s wrist and sounding immensely displeased about the fact that it was going to be removed. You’d talk to him later. Meanwhile, Thor looked positively _thrilled_ at the prospect of sitting in on your training.

You were buzzing. You were finally going to learn how to use your magic properly, _and_ Loki was going to be able to use his magic again too. You hoped he was pleased, you couldn’t explicitly tell from his face, but you thought his jaw might be slightly more relaxed than usual.

You’d take that as a good sign.


	13. In which you start training with Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, here's chapter thirteen; thank you all so much for the amazing comments you've been leaving, it literally makes me so happy uwu ;)) Just a side note, I've noticed that AO3 doesn't use italics which is kinda annoying because I use that for internal dialogue! I'm sure you guys will work it out though, anyone know if there's a way to get italics on here - am I just being stupid? XD Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

Annoyingly, you’d had training with Nat immediately after breakfast, and you were far too tired to do anything but shower and sleep after that, so you’d had to schedule your first training session with Loki (and Thor) for the morning after.

That night you had sat in front of your window and practiced summoning the ball of magic to your hand again, choosing to not think about what Loki had told you about it being dangerous. Then you’d stood in front of your mirror and turned your eyes purple and then back to their normal colour, again and again until you could do it almost without it burning. You’d only been practicing for about half an hour before you fell into bed, shattered, and went straight to sleep.

The next morning you got out of bed the minute you were awake, got showered and dressed and went to have breakfast on your own; it was a Saturday morning – no one usually got up this early on a Saturday morning. Except for one person.

“What is it with you being sat in here every morning? I know you don’t need to sleep, but you could find something to do.” you asked, startling him this time.

“Good morning to you too.” Loki replied, watching as you made your daily route to the kettle, smiling at his sarcastic reply.

“Reading passes the time, and I couldn’t sleep at the moment even if I wanted too: I haven’t used my magic for a while.” he continued.

“What’s that got to do with sleeping? Is that when you need to sleep, when you’ve been using your magic?”

“Yes.”

“So you have to recharge after you’ve used it?”

“Yes.”

“Will it be the same for me?”

“Probably.”

Huh, that explained why you’d fallen asleep so quickly last night. You made your drink, grabbed a piece of fruit for your breakfast and went and sat opposite Loki, who had returned to his book. As you ate, you thought of about twelve more questions to ask him, but decided that you probably shouldn’t talk too much more in case he got annoyed. After a short while though, Loki sighed, closed the book and looked at you expectantly.

“What?” you asked.

“I can practically hear you thinking about me. Ask away.” he said, putting the book on the table and leaning back, spreading his arms wide in invitation.

“You can’t… actually hear me thinking though, right?” you asked in uncertainty.

“No, you’re doing a brilliant job of keeping me out.” he scowled, and you briefly felt a tiny pain in your temple.

“Get out.” you grinned, pressing your hand to your temple, and got a smile only slightly more noticeable than the pain had been.

“What do you want to know?” he asked again. You had a million questions; you were determined not to mess this up.

“Could you use your magic when you were imprisoned on Asgard?”

“Yes, in a way.”

“What does that mean?”

“I could cast illusions, small things like that, but nothing more. Otherwise I could have broken out.”

“Do you miss it there? On Asgard?”

He paused before answering.

“I miss being free there.”

There was the sympathy again. It was hard not to show it, you guessed that he probably hated it even more than you did.

Eventually you sat talking for at least another half an hour while you drank your drink before you were interrupted by Bruce, who gave you a funny look when he entered the room.

“Hey.” you said, when he didn’t speak.

“Good morning Y/N. Loki.”

Loki looked up, shocked that he’d acknowledged him.

“We should probably go now, before Tony wakes up and changes his mind about letting me train.” you said, standing up and stretching.

“Shouldn’t you wait for Thor?” Bruce piped up from the kitchen.

“Will you tell him we’ve already gone down when he appears?” you asked. Bruce didn’t look too pleased at the prospect of you going alone with Loki, who stood up and came to stand next to you.

“I can’t use magic until Thor comes down and takes this off.” Loki reminded him, holding up a hand to display the metal cuff.

Bruce nodded curtly.

“Be careful Y/N.” he said.

“Will do.” you replied cheerfully, following Loki, who had already left the room.

“I dislike him.” Loki said, the second the elevator doors had closed.

“Thor told me about the… incident.” you said, trying not to smile at the intense scowl on his face. You couldn’t blame him in all honesty. You’d seen the Hulk in action, it can’t have been fun to be on the receiving end of his anger.

“He acts like it didn’t happen. It did happen. It hurt.” he continued.

You listened to his small rant in silence, still holding back a smile.

The training rooms were empty, luckily, and you headed for the biggest one.

“I have a plan.” Loki announced as you leant against the wall.

“Oh? Sounds dangerous.” you smiled.

“When Thor takes this cuff off of me, I’m going to teleport away to somewhere I can use my magic properly.” he started, stopping when he saw the look on your face.

“Why not here?” you asked, gesturing to the space you were in.

“It’s too small in here.”

To do what exactly? Is what you wanted to ask, but you didn’t.

“Right. And then what?”

“Thor will throw a fit, which unfortunately I won’t be present for. You’ll have to enjoy that for me.” he said, sounding truly disappointed. You smiled.

“And then?”

“I will return, and hopefully he won’t tell Stark.”

You breathed an internal sigh of relief. You hadn’t been sure how the plan was going to end.

“The last part sounds a bit risky, but I’m up for that.” you said, trying not to sound relieved.

“I just need to use it. Properly use it. If only for two minutes.” he continued, looking wistfully out of the wall window.

“And to get out of here?” you guessed.

“Yes. That too.”

You stood in silence for a moment, watching him looking out of the window. 

“Where will you go?”

“Nowhere with Midgardians, that’s for sure.” he replied, scowling again.

You hoped that didn’t mean a different planet.

“I will come back.” he said suddenly, turning back to look at you.

“I know.” you replied. You trusted that he would.

“So, what are we starting with? Can we do anything without your magic?” you asked, eager to get going.

“Yes, actually, we can.” 

For the next fifteen minutes he talked you through the inner workings of Asgardian magic and taught you an easier way to summon your magic without having to get really emotional before it happened. By the time Thor arrived your eyes were purple, and you were happy with how much progress you had made in literally a quarter of an hour and didn’t feel tired yet.

“Started without me?” he asked, walking into the room with a key.

“Hang on, this isn’t locked by some science or magic? It’s just a key?” Loki asked, sounding outraged.

“Yes brother, just a key. Now please don’t do anything foolish. Please.” Thor begged as Loki held his arm out.

“Would I?” Loki said, rolling his eyes. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for Thor, knowing what was about to happen. You also couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. 

The lock clicked open as Thor twisted the key and took the cuff off of Loki’s wrist. Loki flexed his wrist, beginning to smile.

“Loki…” Thor said, a warning in his voice. You doubted Loki even heard him. He looked at you with a full grin on his face… before vanishing into thin air.

Thor swore loudly.

You smiled and looked out of the window, wondering where he’d gone, feeling only slightly nervous that you’d just let the god of mischief loose in the world with all his powers intact. It would be fine… probably.

“Why are you smiling?! This is-” Thor trailed off as you looked at him with a knowing look on your face.

“Where is he.”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say where he was going.” you replied.

“Lady Y/N, that was foolish.” Thor sighed, and you threw your hands up.

“You really think I could have stopped him if I had wanted to?”

“Yes, I do! He listens to you.” Thor shot back.

“Well, I think it’s good that he’s getting to use his powers and get out of here for a while. He’s been imprisoned for such a long time.”

“And for good reason!”

You blinked, taken aback.

“I thought… don’t you trust him?” you responded.

“He has betrayed me too many times before. I don’t want to see you get hurt the same way.” Thor said forlornly.

“Well, I trust him. For now. He’ll come back.” you said confidently.

Ten minutes later however, you weren’t feeling so confident. You and Thor were sat side by side on the floor leaning against the wall, not talking. What would happen if Loki didn’t come back? Tony, and everyone else for that matter, were going to _kill_ you. You could always persuade Thor to tell them that you didn’t know he was planning on escaping. Thor would cover your back… wouldn’t he? If not, would you have to leave? You hoped not, you felt at home here for the first time in your life, and you didn’t have anywhere else to go…

Right as you were about to start panicking, there was a flash of green in front of where you and Thor were sat, and Loki reappeared.

“HAH!” you exclaimed, leaping to your feet and pointing at Loki excitedly, looking triumphantly at Thor, who held his hands up and slowly got to his feet.

“You doubted me?” Loki asked, and you turned to face him, supressing the overwhelming urge to hug him. He probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

“No. I didn’t.” you replied, your heart thumping in your chest.

“You seem very happy to see me… brother, wait.” Loki said, taking two steps back as Thor approached him with the cuff in his hand.

“I can’t risk you escaping under my watch Loki…”

“I’m not going to escape! I came back didn’t I? I’m stood here right now with all of my powers and I’m choosing not to leave. For some reason.” Loki implored, eyeing the cuff with distain.

“How do I know you won’t leave again?” Thor asked, already visibly refraining.

As Loki talked, you couldn’t help but stare. You seemed to be doing that a lot lately. He looked _alive_. Of course, he had looked alive before, but now he looked… good. Healthy. And so much better than when he had first arrived. He looked like a prince. A god.

As he turned to you, you quickly erased the smile from your face for fear of looking like a creepy person.

“Well?” he asked, still looking right at you.

“Well what?”

“Thor asked you if you still want to train.”

“ _Yes_. Obviously.” Oh no. Now you sounded desperate. The smile you received from Loki after saying that made it worth it.

“Good. Let’s continue, shall we?”

Thor was looking at you suspiciously, and you decided to pull a face at him as Loki turned his back, only to receive a knowing look in return. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t seen you watching his brother with a smile on your face for the last minute and a half.

Great.

After about an hour of training, you felt as though you could sleep for a day, even though you had barely just woken up. Thor was channelling your energy and had fallen asleep against the wall; you were obviously very interesting to watch train.

“How are you feeling?” Loki asked, as you sat down heavily in a chair.

“So tired. Is that n-nor-” you were unable to finish your sentence as you yawned so widely tears came to your eyes.

Loki chuckled.

“Yes, I would imagine so.”

“Do you think the mist will still try and protect me, even after I can use it properly?” you asked, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as Loki sat down next to you.

“I don’t know. We’ll find out when you’re next in danger I suppose.” he replied, not all that reassuringly.

That was just great, you thought to yourself. If it wouldn’t protect you anymore before you could even use it properly, that would be a problem.

“Your wall is down. Around your mind.” Loki said suddenly, causing you to look up sharply.

“Why? Can you…?” your tired brain struggled to form a coherent sentence. You were slightly panicking, not entirely sure you wanted Loki inside your head.

“It must be because you’ve exhausted your magic after that training. And- yes.” he said, beginning to smile.

“Hey no! Don’t.” you exclaimed, sitting up and putting your hands over your head, as though that was going to do anything to help.

“Relax, I won’t.” he replied, still smirking.

“What are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing! I just – I’d rather not…” Why could you not string a sentence together?

“I’m not going to read your mind Y/N.” he told you reassuringly.

“Thank you.” you sighed, resting your head on your arms tiredly.

“You need to sleep. We should wake him up.” Loki eventually said, standing up reluctantly.

You pulled a face, not wanting him to have to put the cuff back on.

“We’ll train again soon. Maybe you can get out of here for a bit again too?” you suggested, slowly getting to your feet.

“Maybe.” he replied, sounding more despondent than hopeful as he nudged Thor’s leg with his foot.

“Wake up.”

Thor grunted his way back to consciousness and stood up, apologising profusely for falling asleep and then proceeding to lock the cuff around Loki’s wrist again, who didn’t resist. You noticed Thor looked rather more relaxed as you all took the elevator back up to the living quarters. Loki did not.

You just about made it to your door without falling asleep and just remembered to say thank you to Loki as you turned around and collided with his chest.

“Shit. Sorry.” you said, taking a step backwards only for your back to come into contact with your door.

“Are you okay?” he asked, half reaching for your arm.

“Yeah. Just need to sleep.” you replied, and he nodded, taking a step back.

“Listen, thank you for helping me. I really appreciate it.” you said, for some reason struggling to make eye contact at this close quarters.

“You’re welcome. Thank you for letting me use my magic for a while.” he replied.

“You might want to go and check that Thor’s keeping his mouth shut.” you advised, and Loki nodded.

“I will do that. Sleep well.”

You barely made it to your bed before collapsing, fully dressed, on top of it.

You wouldn’t wake up for another four hours.


	14. In which you go on your second mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I am about to pass out I'm sooo tired, it's ten past eleven (pm) and I've only just got back from doing two shows today :(( Shattered and I can't think what to write - comment if you enjoy <3

For the next week you alternated between training with Nat and Loki, and as a result the only time of the day you weren’t tired was the few hours (if that) after you got out of bed in the morning before you started training. After you actually fell asleep sat having dinner one night, a plan was made that you would train in the evenings before you would go to bed anyway as to try and keep your sleeping pattern relatively intact.

You’d been training for over a month with Nat now, and felt a lot fitter and more confident with your physical abilities than you had six weeks ago. As for your magic, it was like a part of you now; you didn’t even have to think about trying to summon and use it. Loki was teaching you bigger things now, like how to break a fall with your magic and lift things. Unfortunately, you had to practice these things, and they hadn’t come without injury; on several occasions Loki had had to heal you… not that you minded.

You had been spending more time with Loki than anyone else lately, and this had not pleased very many people, namely Tony. Ah well. Thor seemed happy about it, even letting you train just the two of you at times. And you were definitely happy. Granted, you hadn’t been overly happy when Loki had told you that the only way to practice breaking your fall with your magic was to jump down the middle of the stairwell of the Avengers Tower (on an occasion where Thor was not present), but generally other than that things had been great. (Practice had begun from one floor up, then two, then three… you were on the ninth floor before the fall had been too much and you’d broken both your legs. That had hurt. Luckily Loki had been able to heal you; it had only taken just under an hour, and lots of swearing. You’d both agreed not to tell anyone about it; Tony and Thor definitely didn’t need to find out.)

Probably best of all, you’d worked out how to communicate with Loki with your mind while not letting him fully into your head. It was cool being able to talk without anyone knowing, although most of the time an eye roll was all it took for you to work out what he was thinking. You could also hear snippets of what the others were thinking if you tried, but you didn’t want to invade on their privacy too much.

This morning you had decided to give yourself a lie in (your legs were still kind of sore from being broken less than a week ago), and didn’t roll out of bed until nearly half past ten, appearing at eleven after a shower with your wet hair tied in a bun on the hunt for food.

“Hey lazy.” Bucky was sat at the table eating some toast and looking as though he too had recently rolled out of bed.

“Hypocrite.” you replied with a smile, grabbing a piece of toast from his plate, ignoring the sound of protest he made as you looked for something in the fridge. Settling for strawberries and Nutella, you sat yourself next to Bucky and offered him some in repayment for stealing his toast.

“I should think so.” he muttered, grinning as he bit into a strawberry. You sat talking and eating companionably for a while, and after a bit were joined by Nat and Bruce who for some reason looked quite solemn.

“What’s up guys?” Bucky asked.

“Tony’s got wind of bad news; we’ll be called out later on I expect.” Bruce told you.

“Oh, what kind of bad news?” Bucky asked, but you weren’t paying attention, having turned your gaze to Nat who was already looking at you.

“You think you’re up for it?” she asked you seriously.

“Yes.” you replied without hesitation.

“Reindeer Games been teaching you well?”

“Loki has been teaching me well, yes.” you said, putting emphasis on Loki’s name. You wished they wouldn’t call him that, even though he didn’t seem to mind.

“Well, it’s up to Tony. I trust your judgement though.” Nat replied, and you smiled broadly. Time to use your magic for good, and actually use it properly this time.

“So what’s going on?”

“It’s pretty bad. SHEILD have uncovered an organisation who are developing some sort of AI technology, and weaponizing it.” Bruce explained.

“We don’t know all the details. It sounds like something SHIELD won’t want to get their hands dirty with though; they’ll swoop in at the end and take away organisers. If we catch them.” Nat added bitterly. You shared a disconcerted look with Bucky. This sounded pretty dangerous.

“Y/N, you don’t have to…”

“No, I’m coming.” you told Bruce firmly, who smiled.

“Remember, you need to be careful. This whole business with the group of people out for you… we need to be on high alert. You’ll be safe if we don’t get disorganised.” Nat said to you.

“I’m not stupid, I’m not going to let myself get kidnapped. And I have you guys.” you replied positively, seeing Bucky nodding his head next to you.

“Yes, you do, but we can’t babysit you while we’re trying to fight.” Nat told you sternly.

“Yes, I know.” you mimicked her tone, earning a scowl. Fifteen minutes later, Tony entered the room; he looked tired.

“Tony, you can’t keep on staying up all night. You look a mess.” Nat told him as he came over to the table and sat down next to you.

“God, you sound like Pepper.” he groaned, running his hands through his hair.

“She’s right. You should listen to her.” Nat shrugged.

“I’m fine.” Tony insisted. He didn’t look fine, he looked almost like Loki had when he’d arrived, minus the injuries.

“So what’s the deal with this robot mission?” you asked, wanting to change the subject. Tony looked at Nat as if to say ‘really?’; Nat just shrugged.

“I suppose you’ll want to come along?” Tony asked you.

“Yes, hence why I’m asking about the mission.” you said. Wasn’t it obvious? With a resigned sigh, Tony explained what he knew about the organisation and that SHEILD wanted you guys to go in first because you were ‘more equipped’ to face whatever was in there. Someone called Nick Fury (apparently he was the founder of the Avengers, but you were yet to meet him) had given you the okay to go on the mission, but not Loki. You doubted anyone would have a problem with that.

The rest of the day was spent in nervous anticipation; you couldn’t even go down to the training rooms to release some of your pent-up tension because you needed to save your energy for later. Around mid-day most people drifted off to rest before the mission, but you were way too energetic for that. Loki was nowhere to be found and you were too nervous to knock on his door, so you spent the afternoon binge watching Netflix. You couldn’t help but find it ironic that you were doing such a normal thing when later you had plans to go and fight a literal robot army alongside the Avengers.

There was a knock at your door around four, and Tony stuck his head around the door .

“I thought you wouldn’t appreciate a count down, we’re leaving in twenty. Is that okay?” he asked.

“That’s great. Thanks.” you smiled. He knew you well, you would have hated having a set time to think about all day. You quickly got changed into your gear, (still pleased at how good it looked) and went into the kitchen to have a drink before you left. Bucky and Steve were there with the same idea; Steve handed you a glass of water and you thanked him and downed it immediately. A few minutes later you were joined by most of the others and started heading up to the roof. You were in the elevator and half-way to the roof when you suddenly remembered Loki. You felt like you should have said bye to him or something. An idea appeared in your mind, and while the others talked you reached out with your mind to Loki, who was getting further away as you rose up through the building.

_Hey._

_Y/N? What are you doing?_

_We’re leaving now, thought I would tell you as no one else bothered._

_Oh. Thanks._

_Where are you?_

_Nearly on the roof._

_That’s an impressive range for an amateur._

_Yeah, well, it’s giving me a headache so I’m gonna stop now._

_Good idea._

_Good luck._

_Thanks._

You barely managed to think that to him before the elevator doors opened and you followed everyone out on to the roof, rubbing your temples. That had hurt.

“You alright Y/N?” Tony asked, looking back at you.

“Yeah.” you said, jogging to catch up with him.

“You don’t need to worry, we’ve got your back okay?” he reassured you as you neared the jet. It was freezing and getting dark, the weather had caught up with the fact that it was November.

“I have my back too.” you reminded him, making him smile.

“I know kid.” In the jet, after you were in the air, Tony was going over the plan again when Nat nudged you gently with her knee. You looked across at her and saw that she was handing you a hairband.

“You’ll need it.” she mouthed, nodding at your hair which you’d left loose. You smiled at her in thanks and hastily tied your hair back into a ponytail, making a mental note to put your hair up at the tower next time. The journey to wherever it was you were going took at least half an hour, and when you landed it was well and truly dark.

“Be careful, mess up whatever weaponry you can find, catch and disarm the bad guys, don’t get hurt. Got it?” Tony asked before you disembarked the jet.

“We’ve got it Tony, you’ve been telling us for the last half an hour.” Steve reminded him, exiting the jet first. The rest of the team followed, but Tony held you back.

“I’m going to be immensely mad if you get hurt or lost.” he told you sternly.

“Relax. I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.” you said, equally as stern. Or so you would like to think. Tony just nodded curtly and herded you from the jet. You couldn’t help but feel slightly glad that he was being so protective of you. You’d never had anyone be protective of you before.

Focus up Y/N, time to concentrate on the situation in hand.

The jet had landed at the edge of a dark looking forest, next to which the silhouette of a large factory-like building loomed out of the blackness. There was no light left in the sky now, and it had started to rain slightly. It was cold outside the warmth of the jet. You thought about asking where you were, but thought better of it after looking around at everyone’s faces. The back of the jet closed up and the reassuring hum of the engines ceased; all of a sudden it was very quiet, apart from the trees rustling and the sound of everyone breathing. Tony gestured everyone to follow him, and as you crept around the side of the building in almost complete silence you felt the first small gnawing sensation of fear in your stomach. You tried to reassure yourself: you had your magic now, and the team. They wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

Suddenly Tony stopped, he’d reached an abandoned looking doorway. Everyone watched as he tried to push it open, and you fought back a smile and Nat threw him an exasperated look. ‘What?’ he mouthed, shrugging as if to say: ‘it was worth a try’. He then tapped something on the back of the hand of his suit, and placed it against the door tentatively. It gave a series of beeps, which sounded loud in the silence surrounding you, and then the door emitted a metallic clink and clicked open. Tony pulled a face at Nat as he detached his hand from the back of the door and pulled it open quietly. You liked the quiet banter that still circulated the group even in stressful times like these. It calmed your nerves. Truth be told, you were terrified, but you weren’t going to let Tony know that as he held the door open invitingly for you to step into the dark warehouse.

You had this.


	15. In which you break your leg (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, happy Monday (ew), I hope you're all doing okay! I've literally got home from college, started a new book and then accidentally didn't stop reading and finished it three hours later, and also have just eaten a whole bag of mini eggs in one sitting, so I guess I'm doing fine? XD Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, can't believe how much love this fanfic is getting on all different platforms! I love you guys <3

“Y/N. Open your eyes. I know you can hear me.”

“It hurts.” you mumbled, trying to concentrate on anything, anything other than the pain in your leg.

“I know, but I need to make sure you’re not concussed. Look at me.”

You opened your eyes reluctantly, trying to focus on Steve’s face.

“Okay. You’re not concussed, but you have a broken leg, so keep still.”

That explained the pain in your leg. You’d felt the same a week ago when you’d jumped from nine floors up down into the stairwell. You chuckled to yourself. In hindsight, that had been stupid.

“She’s delirious from the pain. How far away are we?”

“Hey! I’m not delirious.” you complaining, trying to sit up but gasping in pain as you shifted your leg.

“Y/N! Keep it still.” Bruce told you, propping it back up. Man, everyone was tense. You turned your head to see Steve now doing something to the side of Bucky’s shoulder, who was in obvious pain, and Clint trying to convince a furious looking Nat to sit down.

“Nat! It’s obviously broken, will you sit down.”

“It’s fine, it’s my own stupid fault. I’m fine.”

Tony was talking seriously to Thor, sat in the cockpit.

“Y/N, when did you break your leg before?” Bruce asked you suddenly. He still had a streak of green running through one of his veins next to his right temple. That had been the first time you’d seen him as Hulk. He was terrifying. But he was still Bruce.

“I- uh, it was…” you fought to think of a valid story which didn’t involve Loki. Nothing came to mind.

“Last week? It’s obviously recently healed.” How did he even know this sort of thing off the top of his head? Yeah, he was a doctor, but seriously!

“I thought I told you not to get hurt kid.” Tony said, appearing suddenly to sit on the edge of the seats you were propped up across. The mission had been in vain. None of the organisers had been there, or if they had been there they’d been very well protected and hidden. You’d managed to destroy most of the weaponry, but at a cost.

“I seem to remember covering you from the angry robot guns.” you retorted, and heard Bucky laugh from across the jet. You smiled, glad that he was alright.

“I didn’t ask you to do that. You shouldn’t have tired yourself out, look what’s happened.”

“This isn’t primarily from the battle Tony, she broke it last week.” Bruce chipped in. You shot Bruce a look which quite clearly told him where he could stick it.

“What? You didn’t break your leg last week.” Tony said, confused.

“I did… Loki patched me up.” There was a very long silence.

“Was this in training with him?”

“Yes, but-”

“And where was Thor?”

You pressed your face into your hands. Shit.

“He wasn’t there.” you told him reluctantly, your voice muffled by your hands. You closed your eyes as Tony nodded slowly, standing up.

“Tony, listen, don’t-”

“We’re back. You three, get to the medical wing. I couldn’t care less if it doesn’t hurt Nat, you need it looked at.” he said firmly, striding from the jet as the back opened.

“Thor, help me please.” you asked, in a tone that made it clear you were not going to be carried. You hobbled from the jet after Tony with Thor’s help, biting the inside of your cheek so hard that it bled, the pain in your leg was so intense. Nothing you couldn’t handle. Tony had already gone down the lift by the time you reached it, so you had to wait for it to come back up again. On the way down you tried to reach out to Loki with your mind, but the instant you tried you almost passed out: you were too drained from the fight. When you got down to your level, Thor tried to steer you in the direction of the medical ward, but you stopped short at the sound of Tony yelling. You didn’t have to guess at who the recipient was. You started in the direction of Tony’s voice angrily, but Thor tugged you back gently.

“Lady Y/N, I think it’s best that…”

“No. It’s not fair.” you said through gritted teeth, trying to put weight on your broken leg and hissing in pain. Now you could hear Loki’s voice too, getting louder by the second. You needed to stop them. If you couldn’t get to them, they’d have to come to you.

_Loki. LOKI._

You almost blacked out as you yelled through your thoughts, but you knew it had worked when approximately three seconds later he was rushing towards you.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“What happened is that she’s hurt because of you.” Tony responded, following him into the hallway. Loki span around threateningly.

“That’s bullshit Tony. What happened is that I jumped off of the ninth-floor stairway into the stairwell.”

That shut him up for a second.

“Why would you do something so stupid?” he finally asked, looking incredulous.

“I was practicing breaking my fall, but it didn’t- fuck.” In your stubbornness you had entirely forgotten about your broken leg, and decided to step forward on it to confront Tony. Your leg crumpled beneath you and Loki and Thor reached for you in the same instant; Thor got there first.

“Enough of this. We’re going to get this leg sorted.” Thor told you, picking you up in a swift movement. You didn’t try to fight it; you were watching the colourful dots which were flying around in front of your eyes.

“This is your fault too Thor, letting them train alone, what were you thinking?” Tony moved his attack to Thor, who walked away with you calmly.

“We’ll talk about this later Stark.”

“Make sure they don’t kill each other.” you mumbled to Thor, seeing him smile briefly before you lost consciousness.

…

When you came around again it was the next morning, and you were lying in the medical ward with your leg strapped up and elevated slightly; the pain wasn’t so bad now. Turning your head, you saw Bucky asleep in the bed next to you, half hidden by a curtain which was pulled around his bed. You could see the bandages covering his shoulder from where you were. Just his luck that the bullets hadn’t struck his metal shoulder, that wouldn’t have done half as much damage. You were just wondering if there was a button anywhere around you which you could reach to call someone in when company arrived in the form of Loki.

“Hey, I was just going to try call someone…”

“Yes, I know.” he replied, pulling a chair over to the side of your bed and sitting down gently.

“What do you mean you knew?” you asked, confused. Loki tapped your head lightly.

“You really tired yourself out on that mission, didn’t you?” Oh no.

“Don’t read my mind.”

“Well you weren’t exactly being quiet. When your magic stops protecting your head your thoughts are very audible.” he replied.

“Loki.” you gave him a look, half raising your hand to your head.

“Stop worrying, you’d know about it if I was properly in your thoughts. Which I’m not.” You nodded, relaxing back into the pillows which were propping you up.

“So, what did Tony say?” Loki pulled a face, leaning back in his chair.

“He mostly shouted it rather than said it. You can probably guess most of it.”

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Don’t be so… it’s not your fault. I let you get hurt.”

“I let myself get hurt.” you retorted. He wasn’t going to win this one. Loki seemed to recognise this, and gave up fairly quickly.

“Do you think Tony will let you fix my leg again? I don’t fancy staying in this cast for longer than I have to.” you asked after he had given up trying to argue with you.

“He doesn’t have to give me permission.”

“Well, he does; he can take that cuff off of you. Or Thor…” you trailed off as you saw the look in his eye.

“What have you done?” Loki shrugged.

“Nothing.”

“You’ve done something. Is that- ow!” you exclaimed suddenly. You’d tried to move your right hand to point at the cuff around Loki’s wrist and it had hurt. Really hurt. You looked down and were surprised to see that it was red and swollen. Why hadn’t you noticed that before? Probably because you’d been concentrating on your leg.

“Let me see.” Loki said instantly, reaching across you taking your hand in his. You really hoped he had been telling the truth about not being able to properly read your mind. Trying to put your shield back up wouldn’t work, you’d either pass out again or he’d realise that you were trying to hide something. Think of something else, anything else… Suddenly, your hand grew very warm, and a greenish glow surrounded Loki’s hands holding yours. Your mouth fell open. The pain vanished almost instantly, and then you could practically feel the swelling go down. This wasn’t anything new, you’d watched him heal two broken legs like this. The impressive part was that he was wearing the metal cuff designed by Tony Stark to prevent him from using magic. When he was done he let go of your hand and leant back in his chair again, looking mildly amused at your expression.

“Better?”

“Wh- how…?” you whispered, watching the metal cuff on his wrist.

“You didn’t seriously think I was going to let those fools put this back on me after I had a chance to use my magic again did you?” he asked, looking faintly disappointed in you.

“But how?” you repeated.

“When Thor fell asleep while we were training. It wasn’t hard.”

“But… I was there. I didn’t see you-”

“You were quite occupied with your magic, you wouldn’t have noticed if there had been an earthquake.” You didn’t know whether to feel offended or not. You’d thought he trusted you, but apparently not.

“Right. Well, thanks for fixing my hand.” you said shortly.

“Can you go and get Thor to take that thing off of you so that you can fix my leg? And Bucky’s shoulder too while you’re at it.” He seemed to gauge that you were a bit miffed, and stood up and left without another word. Why hadn’t he told you that he could use his magic all this time? You could have had more training…

_I’m sorry._

_Get out my head Loki!_

You tried to put the wall back up, and to your surprise it actually worked, despite giving you a small headache. Five minutes later Loki was back with Thor, and he healed your leg without a word.

“Thanks.” you said, but he had already moved away to heal Bucky. Thor threw you a look, and you shrugged, stretching your newly fixed leg. Bruce was not amused that he had strapped your leg up attentively and now it was better anyway.

“You still need to rest Y/N, that twice in a week you’ve broken it now. No amount of magic can fix an injury like time.” Loki had retreated to his room after you had been short with him. The reason you were so annoyed was really because you were worried. What if he decided to leave? You didn’t want that. You were also worried that if he got too deep into your thoughts he might find some things which you really didn’t want him finding. Things like feelings. Towards him. And confusion about whether they may be slightly stronger than you had originally planned… You would have to talk to him. He couldn’t leave.

“Y/N, we’ve been talking.” Tony’s voice snapped you out of your stupor.

“Mm, yeah? What about?”

“You. And making you a proper Avenger ASAP. We want these guys who are after you to know that you’re not weak, and that they’re gonna have their work cut out to get anywhere near you.”

“Sounds good. When?”

“How does next weekend sound?”

You grinned happily; Loki was temporarily forgotten about.

“Amazing.”


	16. In which you officially become an Avenger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 is hereee, I'm starting to catch up with myself now, I finished writing chapter 24 last night so I either need to stop posting as regularly or get a move on with writing XD Can't believe this is almost at 2k hits, thank you all so much for reading this! Please someone come up with a good title for this fic, I'm still ignoring the fact it doesn't have a proper name! Hope you enjoy this chapter <3 (side note: the stuff in italics is y/n and Loki talking through their minds, just in case it was kinda confusing!)

Before you knew it, it was the week later and a public induction ‘ceremony’ (as Tony kept calling it) had been planned, and it was time to put on the outfit Nat and Pepper had bought for you on that shopping trip which seemed so long ago, specifically for this purpose. It was smart enough to show that you were trying, but casual enough that it also looked like you weren’t trying too hard. Perfect. The minute it was announced to the public it seemed as though a race had started to get to the event as quickly as possible.

“I have a question.” you asked Tony as you leant against the counter in the kitchen, watching him try to make at least four phone calls at the same time.

“I have time to answer one question.” he answered distractedly.

“Why is this all so rushed? Is there a time limit to this procedure or something?”

“No. I’ll be straight with you: this gives your stalkers less time to plan an ambush. The sooner we get there and back, the better.” Tony told you, and then started talking quickly into his phone about something completely different.

Good to know. You’d been slightly nervous before, having only given a small thought to the fact that your stalkers might be watching, but now Tony had said it… it felt very real and daunting.

“I have another question.” you stated, but Tony waved you away and plugged his free ear with a finger. Well, that wasn’t a no. You walked out of the living area and down the corridor to stop outside Loki’s door. You’d never been brave enough to knock before. Deciding to try a different tactic first, you let down the wall around your mind (noticing only then how tense you’d been) and reached out for him in your mind… to find nothing. He wasn’t letting you in. Things had been… distant this past week. You still hadn’t entirely forgiven him for not trusting you enough to tell you that he had his magic back.

You had to knock.

Raising your fist, you were about to knock when the door swung open and Loki appeared, looking less than happy.

“What do you want?”

You lowered your fist, trying to decide what to say.

“You want me to come and watch your initiation ceremony. Do you really think Stark will let me out of the Tower?” he asked sarcastically.

“Let me speak…”

“Oh and, what’s that? You’re sorry for being rude and ungrateful?”

“I-”

“Sh, there’s more…” he told you, raising a hand and pretending to frown in concentration.

You exhaled heavily and turned to walk back down the corridor, unamused by his antics. Trying to put the wall back up around your mind was harder this time, and gave you more of a headache.

“Y/N, wait – I’m sorry.” Loki said from behind you; you stopped short and rolled your eyes, turning back around to see him leaning out of the door frame.

“I get if you don’t want to come. It’s fine.” you shrugged.

“I do. But you understand that means me sneaking out invisible and getting back here with none of them realising, don’t you?” he asked. You nodded.

“I’m sure you’re more than capable.” you challenged, raising an eyebrow as you walked back towards him.

“How’s your leg?” he responded, evidently reminding you exactly what he was capable of.

“Good as new. So, will you be there?” you asked.

“I’m rather confused as to why you want me there in the first place, but yes, I will be there.” Loki responded.

“Moral support I guess.” you smiled, consolidating the wall around your mind as you spoke, praying that he didn’t realise what you were doing as his eyes swept your face.

“Y/N Y/L/N, we meet at last.”

You and Loki turned to the source of the voice, and you blanched as you saw Nick Fury stood not five metres away from you.

“Fury! What are you doing here?” Tony’s voice emanated from behind you, and you stepped away from Loki. Tony was still mad about the broken legs; you decided not to push it.

“Good luck.” Loki said as he stepped back into his room, evidently wishing to avoid conflict.

“…wanted to meet the newest recruit before initiation. You don’t look like much, do you?”

Was this guy for real? You turned your eyes purple and held up two hands shrouded in your mist.

“Big deal, glowing eyes. What do you actually do?”

You smiled. Oh, he shouldn’t have asked that. Letting down the wall around your mind, you could hear Loki telling you in your mind to do what you had already been planning on doing, and smiled broadly.

“What are you smirking for? I asked you what you could-”

You walked up close to Fury, the scary looking man, and focused hard on his one eye which wasn’t covered by an eye-patch; he stopped talking abruptly.

“Y/N, what are you…?” Tony asked, seemingly stumped.

Barely hearing him, you smiled as you were able tap into Fury’s thoughts easily enough, and the situation became even better when you uncovered what it was you had been thinking about.

“You can’t wait for the day to be over. You thought it was going to be fairly relaxed until my initiation was announced and you’ve had to come out here to oversee it. You couldn’t care less about me being in danger, you just want it over quickly so that you can get home. You think I’m weak and vulnerable but your opinion is changing fast.”

“Y/N…” Tony’s voice was of little concern to you right now, you were enjoying your moment.

“Shall I go on? How about what you were planning on doing when the day is finally over, what was the plan… a nice bubble bath? And that book you’ve been wanting to get back to… Love on the Rocks?”

“That’s enough. Very clever Y/N. See you in twenty minutes.” Fury said, striding back off down the corridor. Tony was staring at you.

You could practically hear Loki smiling.

 _Very impressive._ _Well done._

_I learnt from the best._

“That was brave.” Tony commented.

“Thank you, shall we get going?” you asked, gesturing towards the elevator.

Happy was waiting for you and Tony outside the lobby and you ran to the car holding your coats above your heads; it was raining hard.

The journey didn’t take long, and ten minutes later you were stood in the wings of a venue which was much bigger than you’d expected, with a lot more people than you’d hoped for. At least the team were all here, and Loki… probably.

“Here kid, put this in.” Tony said, approaching you with an earpiece.

“Oh, thanks. Why?”

“Just in case. We won’t use them, I promise. It will be fine.”

Why did you have to wear an earpiece then? It wasn’t the most reassuring gesture, but better safe than sorry you supposed.

Too soon, your name was being announced, and Tony was accompanying you onto the stage among rapturous applause. There were so many people here… for you. Nick Fury was there, plastering on an obviously false smile as he addressed the crowds, talking about you. Your eyes searched the crowd, unable to believe that all of these people knew you and were here to support you as you became part of the most famous group of people to ever live. Suddenly everything felt like, a lot.

_Hey._

Loki.

_Where are you?_

_To your left, blonde hair, good looking._

You had a quick glance, and sure enough there was a blonde handsome guy leaning nonchalantly against the wall, looking at you.

_Hm. Think I preferred Bertrand actually._

You saw him smile at that, and had to contain a grin of your own.

_Concentrate._

All in all the ceremony was turning out to be a bore, so far it had just been Fury and Tony talking, and then you were called forward to swear an oath. There was a large cheer as you were declared an Avenger, and you thanked everyone for coming when Tony urged you to say a few words. Then Fury said that there was time for a few questions, which you were not prepared for. Luckily they were fairly easy (“what’s it like living with Tony Stark?”), and you were just starting to feel confident, even managing to get a laugh out of your audience, when your earpiece crackled into action.

Your heart dropped.

“We have a problem. Five blocks away, it’s too close to say no. Police are at least another five minutes away.” Nat’s voice was urgent.

Tony’s hand was on your shoulder as he guided you from the stage, to the audible annoyance of your audience.

_Y/N? What’s going on?_

“Suspected terrorist attack. They reckon there’s a bomb in this block of flats, there might be more.” Nat informed you as the rest of the team gathered in the wings, most of them suited up.

“Move, now.” Tony ordered; you ran to the nearest fire exit and spilled on to the street outside. Tony’s suit came flying down to greet you and he got into it immediately, barking orders at the rest of you.

_Y/N, talk to me._

_There’s a mission, five blocks away._

“I can carry two of you, the rest of you get there as fast as you can.” Tony said, offering two of his arms out. Bucky and Clint stepped forward; Thor was gone in a flash having wielded Mjolnir and Steve was already running, alongside Bruce who was already Hulk. Nat pulled you towards a motorbike parked next to the curb; in less than a minute she’d started it up with no key, driven it (with you holding on to her for dear life) five blocks and delivered you both with no injuries. You made a mental note to learn how to ride a motorbike.

“Which of block flats is it?” you asked, realising where you were with a sudden horrible flash of déjà vu.

“That one.” Tony said, pointing briefly and then launching into the plan of action.

“That’s my old block of flats. I lived here.” you said, cutting over Tony. “Is this to do with…?”

There was a second of silence.

“Right now we need to get everyone out of these buildings, we’ll worry about that later. Y/N, stay near.” Tony said, before numerous police cars screeched to a halt on the road, sirens blaring, followed by fire engines. Then bomb disposal.

“They’re saying focus on this one first, there may be others.” Tony told you all, gesturing again to your block of flats.

“Let’s go, be careful.”

You stayed outside with Nat and Clint and get all of the civilians away from the flats and outside the perimeter which was already being set up by the police, the rest of the team went into the block of flats tasked with getting people out; Tony had already started tracking the bomb, despite the fact that literal bomb disposal was present. Luckily most people in the flats seemed to hear the police announcements through the megaphones and were swiftly exiting the buildings, clutching anything they could carry, looking terrified.

“It’s almost mid-day, with any luck most people will be out on a Saturday afternoon.” You heard Bucky say through your earpiece.

“They can’t miss us knocking _and_ that racket the police are making outside.” Steve answered.

“What’s going on? Why do we have to leave?” people were asking questions left right and centre as you, Nat, Clint and around twenty police officers herded them away from the potential danger and did your best to reassure them. The contents of three blocks of flats were spilling on to the streets, hundreds of people, all too close to the danger, they were moving so _slowly_.

Suddenly there was a commotion from behind you, and you turned around to see Nat pushing past a police officer to climb on to the roof of a police car with a megaphone.

“There is an active bomb in one of these buildings, please get as far away as you can as quickly as possible. Thanks.”

Chaos reigned. At least the civilians were moving faster now, but there was also panic; people were pushing and shoving to get away as swiftly as possible.

“Nat, that was stupid.”

“No it wasn’t, look, they’re moving!”

“I’ve found the bomb… it’s about to go off.” Tony informed you all, sounding oddly calm for a man stood next to a bomb which was about to explode.

“How long Tony?”

“Fifteen, fourteen… Cap, I’d get out of here if I were you.” he said, now sounding vaguely panicked.

“How many people are still in here?”

“It’s impossible to tell, there might still be people on the top floor, the whole building is coming down the minute it goes off.”

You listened to this in horror from your position a hundred metres away, watching people still emerging from the building Tony had gone into. There had to be something…

“Ten, nine…”

Tony now flew from the building in his suit, flying up to check for people in the windows.

“There are still people in here!”

“I can hold it.” you said, thinking out loud to the team, stepping back into the perimeter tentatively, watching the steady stream of people still emerging from the building.

“Y/N, don’t be stupid.” Steve panted through your earpiece; you watched for him to reappear out of the building with the others, but he didn’t. It had started to rain.

“Where are you guys?!” Tony yelled, still scouring the windows.

“It’s too dangerous to go down any further if that bomb is about to exp-”

You were only about twenty metres away when the bomb went off, having timed your arrival from Tony’s earlier countdown. It went off right as you said zero in your head, and threw up a shield of mist around you. That didn’t stop you from getting knocked back at least five meters, and the sheer _noise_ of the explosion made your head spin. There was no time to think about the fact that your hearing was obscured by a loud ringing noise, muffling the yells and screams of civilians behind you and the shouts of your team-mates through your earpiece, you had a building to hold up.

You staggered to your feet and ran straight into the wreckage which the bomb had caused, hearing the building groaning and beginning to collapse already. Ignoring the yells from the team and ripping your earpiece out, you closed your eyes and concentrated, planting your feet firmly beneath you.

You had to get this right.


	17. In which you hold up a building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I would stop updating as regularly as I am at the moment? I lied XD I want to get this finished before my exams I think, so I'm doing a lot of writing at the mo to try and get done before May... whether I achieve this goal or not will remain a mystery until the time comes! Hope you enjoy this chapter, get ready for some fluff ;)

You felt your magic as it made its way down into the ground, into the small parts of the building which were still attaching the framework to the ground, and up, all the way up, holding the structure still. You’d never had to concentrate on anything more in your life; you couldn’t think about the electrical sparks which were jumping from wires all around you, or the water which was pouring from a pipe dangerously near the wires, or the evidence of a bedroom which used to be located ten metres in front of you, now blown to bits. You definitely couldn’t think about all of the people outside who had just lost their homes. You needed to think about concentrating, standing strong, keeping your arms up and your knees locked even though it _hurt_ like nothing you’d ever felt before. It was worse than breaking your legs. But you weren’t thinking about that. You weren’t thinking about how if you let go now, people would die…

Shit. You had to stay here. You couldn’t move, but it was so difficult, it hurt…

There was a sudden crunching sound to your left, and you turned your head ever so slightly to see Bruce, as Hulk, entering the wreckage. You could barely see him through a combination of your mist and a film of tears over your eyes. Bruce made his way to the opposite side of the hole which the bomb had made and crouched down, bracing his back against the ceiling. The weight it took off of you was infinitesimal in comparison to what you were holding up, but you would take all the help you could get. Squeezing your eyes shut, you prayed that no one was hurt, or worse, and that everyone would be out soon so that you could get out of here. Focus. Your knees were starting to bend from the pressure, and you heard Bruce roar in pain as the building’s stability took a turn for the worse; your feet sunk a couple of inches into the soggy mud created by the water from the pipes. These heels Nat had picked for you to wear for your initiation, although not very tall, weren’t ideal in this situation.

“Kid, you’re doing amazing. Not long, I promise.” Tony’s voice was suddenly in your ear, and you cracked your eyes open to see him in his suit with his face uncovered brace himself against the ceiling and activate his rocket shoes, or whatever they were called. Your brain was fuzzy, but you doubled your efforts and felt your magic in every crack and particle of this building. Surely everyone was out by now? You hoped so, because your head was starting to feel more and more fuzzy by the second, and you were almost up to your knees in mud now; your arms shaking uncontrollably.

_Y/N!_

That was Loki’s voice in your head. You’d forgotten about him.

_I’m coming, stay there…_

What did he think you were going to do, walk off? Wait, he couldn’t be here, Tony would go mad.

There was a sudden unmistakeable groan from the building you were struggling to keep upright, and you literally felt it tilt dangerously to one side.

“Y/N!” Tony yelled, as Bruce roared yet again from the corner, also now half sunk in the mud.

Your feet began to slide, you weren’t going to last much longer… until suddenly you didn’t have to.

“I’ve got it. Let go.” Loki was behind you, still disguised as the blonde man, and now everything was green rather than purple as you slumped to the ground, gasping for breath, trying to remember if you’d breathed at all in the last few minutes. You were utterly exhausted.

“Reindeer Games, what the hell?!” Tony yelled.

“Yes, hello Stark.” Loki replied through gritted teeth, obviously concentrating as you had. You wanted to help him, but your body wasn’t working, and you were sunk up to your knees in mud. It was all you could do to keep your eyes open. Something warm was oozing down your face; you had a nosebleed.

“Y/N, move… you need to get out.” Loki said from behind you; you could feel him sinking into the mud next to you. He didn’t understand, you were so tired…

“Okay, everyone’s out, we’re good!” Tony yelled to the three of you, having obviously heard the news through his earpiece.

“Bruce, you go first, then Stark, get Y/N and I’ll hold it.” Loki instructed, already sounding tired. You tried to protest, but Bruce was already extracting himself from the mud and crawling back outside.

“Are you sure?” Tony asked, and you had to assume that Loki nodded, because then Tony was next to you and grabbing your arms to pull you from the mud.

“Loki…” you said, not wanting to leave him by himself holding the building up, how would he get out? But Tony had already flown you outside into the pouring rain, and over to the rest of the team on the edge of the perimeter. You were soaking wet and shivering in seconds; Tony set you down amidst the rest of the team who all started fussing and asking questions, but you only answered Thor: “He’s in there.”

The second the magic around it vanished, the building collapsed in on itself, causing the ground to shake as if it had started an earthquake. There were yells and cries as the people you had saved watched their homes collapse. Barely remembering that this had been where you used to live, you stumbled forward a few steps and watched with your heart in your mouth as Loki didn’t reappear. Five… ten seconds. Nothing. Only dust.

You closed your eyes and concentrated, trying to summon the energy to reach out with your mind.

_Loki?_

_Yes?_

You spun around in relief to find a very smug looking god of mischief in disguise smiling at you.

“Brother.” Thor said in relief, as the others turned around too.

“The cuff, I don’t… how are you using magic?” Tony asked Loki incredulously.

You were exhausted, and your brain was working slower than usual, but you were able to conclude that Loki had just forfeited his ability to use magic. To save you.

_Thank you._

Your legs finally gave up, and you made a quick descent towards the ground as everyone lunged for you before you hit the ground. This time Loki caught you first.

After that there was nothing. In all fairness, you had just held a building up practically on your own for over five minutes.

You deserved a nap.

…

When you felt yourself beginning to regain consciousnesses, you fought to stay asleep. You’d been dreaming of nothing, and hadn’t been able to feel the pain. You could feel it now. It was an aching, bone deep sensation which made you want to lie still for the rest of your life and never move again. Unfortunately, the more you tried to fall back asleep, the more your brain seemed to want to wake up. Eventually you admitted defeat, and opened your eyes. It was dark, but you were sure you were in the medical ward back at the tower. This ceiling was becoming a familiar sight.

You lay still, more because you were scared to move than anything, and listened to the sound of your breathing. And… someone else’s breathing? Someone was asleep, judging by their breathing, close to you. You turned your head to the side slowly, gritting your teeth in pain as you did so. Everything hurt. Including smiling. Which is what you did when you saw Loki asleep in the chair next to your bed.

He was shrouded in darkness, a strip of light from where the blinds hadn’t been shut properly cast across one side of his face, illuminating a closed eye and a single strand of hair which had fallen across his forehead. He looked so vulnerable in his sleep. Peaceful. There was none of the tension he usually held while he was awake: the clenched jaw, the frown lines or the eyebrow which always seemed to be raised; he was relaxed. It was an odd sight, but a nice one. Briefly, you wondered if you would be able to read his mind while he was asleep, but swiftly decided against it. Besides, you doubted you could use your magic while you were in this state.

Deciding to test this theory, you painstakingly raised a hand and tried to summon even a tiny particle of mist: the simplest of tasks, but nothing happened; you just received a sharp pain running from your wrist to your elbow. Letting your hand drop back down dejectedly, you turned your gaze to Loki again, remembering all that Thor had told you about him before he had arrived over a month ago now. He was a frost giant. He didn’t look like one. He just looked like Loki. You caught yourself smiling again (even your _cheeks_ were aching), but stopped abruptly when he stirred, frowning as he shifted in the chair and sighed deeply. There was a tugging feeling in your chest, which you determinedly ignored as Loki opened his eyes sleepily. They widened as he saw you looking at him, and sat up straighter.

“You’re awake.” he croaked, pushing his hair off of his face.

The tugging got stronger; you had to catch your breath before replying.

“I am.” you whispered, unable to stop yourself from smiling again.

“How do you feel?” Loki asked, leaning forward and rubbing the back of his neck which was apparently sore from where he’d been asleep in the chair.

“Everything hurts. But I’m fine, tell me about what happened. Was everyone okay?” you asked, suddenly worried about the civilians you’d fought to protect.

“A few injuries, nothing major. No deaths, thanks to you.” he replied.

“And you.” you added.

“You did most of the work.” he countered.

“What about Tony? What did he say about… everything.” you asked, referring to Loki sneaking out of the tower and using magic without his permission, feeling bad that you hadn’t thought to ask before.

“He wasn’t happy. Correction: he isn’t happy. Neither was eyepatch, the man who’s mind you read? Fury?” he frowned, trying to remember, as if that was the most pressing issue here.

“So, what did they say? How’d you get out of it?”

“…I didn’t. They were talking about imprisoning me again and I…” he didn’t finish his sentence, puffing his cheeks out and leaning back in his chair.

“Loki.” you sighed, closing your eyes dejectedly.

“You’d rather me be locked up again?”

“Of course not, don’t say that. Just… what did you do?” you replied, watching him in concern.

“I left.”

“Except you didn’t, because you’re here.”

“I came back.”

You stared at him.

“Why?” you asked, feeling your heart rate pick up ever so slightly. Thank god you weren’t hooked up to a heart monitor.

“It’s safe here.” was his simple response.

_I wanted to make sure you were okay._

You heard it in your mind, clear as anything. Had you just accidentally read his mind? Surely he hadn’t meant for you to hear it. You tired brain couldn’t work it out, and Loki’s face remained impassive.

“What will you do?” you asked.

“Well, I was hoping you might talk to Stark… I’m not one to beg for forgiveness but I would also appreciate staying here for a while longer. I don’t think that’s what he has in mind at the moment.”

“Course I’ll talk to him.” you agreed, suddenly overcome by a wash of fatigue.

“You need to rest, you’re still healing.”

“M’fine.” you argued, feeling your eyelids growing heavy very quickly.

He didn’t reply, and you felt yourself edging dangerously close towards sleep.

“Loki.” you mumbled.

“I’m here.”

“Stay.”

Whether he replied or not would remain a mystery, because you had already fallen asleep by the time you’d finished uttering the request.


	18. In which Tony thinks you've been kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 1) thank you for the lovely comments and 2) PlEaSe someone think of a name or just some ideas for a name for this fic, I've never had more trouble coming up with a name for something in my life :(( Here's chapter 18, hope u enjoy <3

When you woke up it was light, but you had no clue what time it might be. Your body didn’t feel like it had just been in a washing machine anymore either, which was good news. Loki was gone, but that didn’t surprise you, Tony wouldn’t have been too pleased to find him asleep here this morning. You trusted that he was somewhere nearby.

You tentatively swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood up slowly. You didn’t collapse, as you had been doing a lot recently. That was a good sign. You were still wearing the clothes you had been in for your initiation yesterday; you needed a shower. You made your way to your room and had a hot shower, relishing in the fact that you could move your limbs without it hurting already. Being Asgardian had its perks. As you stepped out of the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel, you could hear panicked voices in the corridor outside.

“She’s gone, he’s fucking taken her, I knew something like this would happen, right after the _stupid_ initiation show we had to put on…”

“Tony, calm down, I’m sure she’s fine…”

“She is _not_ fine, she has been _kidnapped_.”

Oh no.

You opened your door and stuck your head around it, smiling at a very dishevelled looking Tony and a sceptical Nat.

“Hey there. Who’s been kidnapped?”

“You! Where have you… why would you…” Tony spluttered, gesturing wildly.

“Why would I have a shower? Hygiene?” you replied, earning a smirk from Nat.

“We thought he’d gone and taken you with him.” Tony told you.

Shit. How to act? Shocked? Indifferent?

“She knew. You knew he was gonna do a runner?” Nat immediately deduced, cocking her head and raising an eyebrow at you.

“…give me a minute.” you requested, swiftly closing your door again before Tony could absorb what Nat had just said. You got dressed quickly and tied your wet hair into a bun before making your way to the kitchen. Tony, Nat, Steve and Thor were sat on the sofas in the lounge; you tried not to feel intimidated as you sat amongst them.

“Hear me out first, okay?” you asked, as Steve opened his mouth to speak. He nodded at you to go on.

“I only found that Loki could use magic like two days ago, even though he’s been able to use it for weeks - please! Don’t interrupt.” you begged, as they all made noises of protest.

“He has been able to use his magic for weeks, but how many times have you seen him using it? None. It’s unfair, Tony it’s like… I don’t know, not letting you have access to your workshop and suits. Thor, it’s like not being able to have Mjolnir.”

“That’s different.” Tony said, ignoring your request not to be interrupted.

“You’re right, it’s worse for him. It’s a _part_ of him. It’s unnatural to take it away from him. Also, I asked him to come to my initiation, that’s why he was at the mission in time to _save_ us from getting crushed, and all the civilians who were still in the building when I couldn’t hold it up anymore. I don’t suppose you thanked him.” you concluded, feeling as though you had put up a strong argument. Tony, Nat and Steve looked thoughtful, but Thor was smiling at you almost as though he was proud.

_Thank you._

_Nosy. Are you ever not listening to me?_

_Only when you’re too far away to hear. How do you feel?_

_Intruded upon._

_You know what I meant. Physically._

_Fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore._

_Good._

_Where are you?_

_The penthouse._

“Y/N? Earth to Y/N.” Steve was trying to get your attention.

“Yes?” you replied, trying to look like you hadn’t just been having a completely different conversation. You really needed to work on this having two different conversations at once business.

“How come you zoned out like that? Do you feel okay?” Steve asked. Now Thor was looking at you knowingly.

“Yeah I’m fine. What were you going to say?” you asked.

“Even if we were to invite Loki back here, Fury won’t allow it unless he categorically can’t use his magic. If that can’t be guaranteed…”

“We didn’t exactly chuck him out. He just disappeared.”

“You threatened him.” you said.

“What I’m saying is that he can come back, but how are we going to tell him that?”

You felt relief wash over you. That had been a lot easier than you’d been anticipating. Nat didn’t look best pleased.

“I have a feeling Y/N might be able to help us with that.” Thor said, smiling at you.

_Hey, you can come down if you want._

_Did Stark say it was okay?_

_Don’t pretend you weren’t listening. And since when do you care what Tony says?_

_Good point._

A second later he was sat on the sofa next to you.

_Show off._

_I don’t know what you’re talking about._

You didn’t miss the smirk he showed as Tony, Nat and Steve all stared disbelievingly at him, and had to fight down a laugh yourself. You’d never seen Nat’s face more expressive.

“What did you do with the cuff?” Nat finally spoke.

“I’m still wearing it.” he said, pulling up his sleeve to show them.

“We need Fury to think you can’t use your magic, that’ll mean Tony ‘making’ a new one.” she said.

_They’re helping me?_

_Yes._

“I can just make it a bit bigger. Fury has no way of checking.” Tony thought aloud.

“But, this is only temporary right? We’ll have to talk to him eventually, Loki can’t just keep pretending to be locked up here without his magic forever.” you asked.

“It’s a short-term plan.” Tony said, slapping his knees and getting to his feet.

“Don’t mess up Reindeer Games, or next time you’ll be gone for good.” he added, as he left the room.

Steve and Nat got to their feet too and removed themselves to the kitchen on the other side of the room, out of earshot of you, Loki and Thor.

“Where did you go brother?” Thor asked.

“That is none of your concern.” Loki replied coolly.

“Well, time to be on your best behaviour from now on, you heard what Stark said.”

“Behaving is boring, I’ve been doing it for far too long.” Loki sighed.

“You broke literally the only rule you were told to follow about three weeks after you got here and lied to everyone about it for a month. I’d hardly call that behaving.” you observed.

“I would.” Loki said, crossing his arms.

“Do you want to go and train? After breakfast though, I’m starving.” you said, suddenly realising how hungry you were.

“No, you’re still recovering.” Loki told you.

“I’m fine. Let me grab some breakfast and then we can go…”

“No. You’re still healing.” Loki repeated.

“I’m done healing, I slept for about fourteen hours last night!” you replied indignantly.

“You might be physically healed, but you need to leave time for your magic to recover too.”

“Fine. But I’m starting training again tomorrow, okay?”

“You should be back to normal by tomorrow.” he nodded.

“Why do I get so exhausted so easily?” you huffed. “You didn’t even flinch when you took the weight of the building off of me, you were already using magic for a disguise, _and_ then you managed to teleport away after.”

“That’s because I’ve been using magic for centuries, and you have only been learning for a month. Also, you will have noticed that I was properly asleep last night, for the first time since I arrived here, apart from when I had to heal your legs.”

“And why would Lady Y/N have noticed that you were asleep last night?” Thor asked, having apparently been listening to your conversation.

You heard Loki cursing in his thoughts, loud, and you furiously fought not to smile.

“Because…”

“We usually talk when I can’t sleep. Last night he wasn’t replying, so I knew he was asleep.”

“Didn’t you think he might have left?” Thor asked.

“No.” you replied.

That pleased Loki. You could tell. You were getting quite good at this mind reading business.

“Y/N, you want some food?” Steve called over to you from the kitchen.

“I do.” you replied instantly, getting to your feet, then turning to Loki and Thor.

“You guys want breakfast?” you asked.

They both shook their heads, so you joined Nat and Steve in the kitchen.

“You and Lady Y/N can communicate through your thoughts? Why is that I wonder?” Thor asked Loki suggestively.

“I suggest you stop talking brother.” Loki advised.

“I thought only Asgardians with a special kind of connection can communicate through their minds… or am I remembering it wrong?” Thor continued.

Loki didn’t reply, watching you talk to Steve and Nat across the room.

“What was it? Soulmates-”

“Stop.” Loki said abruptly, turning to look at Thor instead.

“That’s just superstitious nonsense, there’s no evidence to prove it.”

Thor simply raised his eyebrows, tilting his head in your direction.

“Wouldn’t that explain why the two of you have bonded so quickly?” he prompted.

“Why do you sound so hopeful?” Loki scorned.

“I want you to be happy. She makes you happy.” Thor plainly stated.

Loki turned back to look at you. For once, he couldn’t argue with Thor’s logic.

“It’s not real. But even so… don’t tell her.” Loki said.

“But if it’s not real…”

“Just, drop it Thor.” Loki insisted, becoming annoyed.

To Thor’s credit, he did drop it after that, but Loki couldn’t get the idea out of his head.

“Hey Y/N, have you seen the news?” Bruce asked, coming into the room and grabbing the remote from the coffee table to turn on the TV.

“No, why?” you asked curiously, walking over to the TV with your breakfast.

“You’re getting some good publicity from yesterday.” he explained, as a birds-eye view of you holding up the block of flats from yesterday appeared on the screen.

“Whoa.” you said, watching the same situation you’d been in yesterday from a different angle. It looked pretty cool, you couldn’t lie. There was more footage of the building, luckily with little to no focus on Loki, whose disguise had apparently worked well, and then some tearful interviews with the citizens you had saved, including…

“Oh my god.” you said, as your foster parents appeared on the screen, looking less than pleased.

“First she leaves without paying her dues, and now she’s gone and ruined our home! She’s scrounging off of the richest man in New York now, so she should be able to pay back what she owes, you hear me Y/N? We want our money-” the interview cut off there, apparently having only been there for comedic effect, and moved on to a tearful mum with two children, thanking the Avengers for saving them.

There was an awkward silence in the room.

“That was your foster dad?” Nat asked you sympathetically.

“Yep. Charming right?” you said, forcing a laugh. You felt sick.

“Asshole.” Nat said, giving your arm a squeeze.

You nodded vigorously; your throat felt really tight.

After watching the report for another five minutes and letting conversation continue around the room, you abandoned your breakfast and subtly escaped back to your room, where you could cry in peace. Why you were crying was a mystery, you’d never had proper parents, why was it hitting you so hard now?

Back in the living room, Loki was fighting a fierce internal battle. Kill that man on the television, or try and make you feel better by talking to you. It was a hard decision. After a few minutes of you letting your emotions run riot just down the corridor, he decided to try and talk to you: he was meant to be behaving after all.

You had just managed to get a grip when Loki’s voice arrived in your head.

_Are you okay?_

_Yes. Thanks._

_No you’re not._

_Why did you ask then?_

_Sorry._

There was a pause, and then you broke.

_Can you come in?_

Twenty seconds later, Loki was sat next to you on your bed.

“I’m not very good at dealing with emotion, but my father was an ‘asshole’ too, as Natasha so eloquently put it.” he told you, making you smile at his use of a curse word.

“Mm, I’ve heard all about Odin.” you nodded, thinking back to all Thor had told you on the roof that night.

Loki blanched. How much had Thor told you? Did you know about his heritage? Surely not.

“Oh?” he responded, inviting you to continue, but you didn’t. You couldn’t know about what he really was. None of this would be happening if you did.

“I need you to look at something.” you said suddenly, getting to your feet and moving to your pinboard, on which you had pinned the picture of your apparent parents.

“Do you recognise these people?” you asked, returning to the bed and showing him to picture.

Loki scanned it, frowning, and shook his head.

“I don’t, but that’s not to say they’re not on Asgard. I can’t remember every face in the kingdom.” he told you, handing the picture back. You stared at it morosely.

“You’ll find out about them one day, I’m sure of it.” Loki reassured you, and you smiled at him through red-rimmed eyes, hoping it to be true.


	19. In which Tony's previous thought comes true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guyss, I can't believe I'm already posting chapter nineteen! I should really be revising right now, but I've already written two essays in the last two days so that's quite enough brain power for now I think. Also I might be getting more time than I bargained for if we have to self-isolate soon! I hope none of you have been affected too harshly by coronavirus, stay safe <3 hope you enjoy this chapter :)

It had been two weeks since the building collapsing incident, and there had been no missions since then, leaving you plenty of time to get back to full health and do a load of training with both Nat and Loki. You felt stronger than ever, both physically and in the sense of your magic; you were certain that, if tasked with holding up a building now, you would be able to hold it for much longer than you had two weeks ago. Although that might just be you being optimistic.

This morning you had trained with Loki for a couple of hours, and were rewarding yourself for your efforts with ice cream and a movie, as there wasn’t much else going on. It was a cold and gloomy November afternoon and you were quite happy to curl up under a blanket with a tub of your favourite flavour of ice cream and a film. It was barely ten minutes before Loki joined you; he was rarely not around you recently, and you couldn’t say you minded. Your feelings for him were definitely… progressing, but you were determined not to think about it too much in case he heard you and your friendship (if you could call it that) was ruined. You couldn’t afford for that to happen. You’d find a time to sort things out when there was no chance of him overhearing… is what you’d been telling yourself for the last fortnight.

“What’s this?” Loki asked you, positioning himself a respectable distance from you on the sofa. The _same_ sofa, you noted happily, before shoving that thought far down into the deepest crevice of your mind.

“It’s called Harry Potter. It’s about a boy who finds out he’s a wizard and goes to a school of magic where he learns… did you just compare me to Harry Potter?” you laughed, hearing his thoughts in your own head.

“You’re getting too good at reading minds, it’s beginning to get quite unnerving.” Loki told you.

“Maybe you’re just-” here you paused and looked around dramatically. “Letting you guard down?” you finished in a whisper, looking at him in wide-eyed sarcasm. He rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Maybe.” he replied, and you fought to stem the thoughts that had been about to enter your head.

“Tell me more about this odd sounding film.” he said, and you obliged; managing to get him to sit all the way through it: an achievement in your eyes. Various people had joined you throughout the course of the film, including Bucky, Clint and Thor – you had to re-explain the whole plot to Thor when he arrived, assisted this time though by Bucky and Clint.

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully, and you turned in for the night early, tired despite not having done anything much all day. You got into your pyjamas using magic (an insanely helpful trick, especially when you needed to get changed quickly, which you had taught yourself) and lay in bed listening to the rain against your window and listening to the sounds of the city below. Deciding to finally honour the lie you’d been telling yourself for two weeks, you put up the mental wall around your mind which meant that Loki wouldn’t be able to hear you even if he wasn’t trying to listen in (which you very much hoped he wasn’t). Better safe than sorry.

It felt weird finally being able to think about it freely after so long trying not to. You loved that you could talk to Loki in your head, and sometimes even hear bits of what he was thinking, but you would be lying if you said it didn’t get tiring sometimes. It made you better equipped in training when he was trying to explain something though, you were able to do whatever he explained fairly quickly; if it was in his head it was in yours too. The two of you had an odd relationship, but then, not many people could read each other’s minds. It was only now you thought about it you realised how close you were, much closer than you’d ever been to anyone else before in your life. And now you’d stopped lying to yourself, it was safe to say that you liked him, and not just in a friendly kind of way. But shit, now you’d admitted that to yourself it was going to be hard to not think about it when he was around, and if you kept this wall up he’d get suspicious… things weren’t looking good. Unless…? No, you couldn’t tell him. You’d gone mad with that last thought; you were too tired. You fell asleep thinking about his eyes, those _gorgeous_ eyes… how on earth were you meant to carry on keeping your thoughts quiet around him?

…

“Y/N, I’m sorry, you need to wake up, we have to get going.”

Tony? Why was he speaking to you? You were still in bed.

“Y/N!”

“Mmhff?”

“I’ll interpret that to mean ‘yes I’m getting up right away Tony.’, we need to leave, there’s… I’ll explain on the way, just hurry up.” he rambled, already leaving the room.

A mission? But it was…

“ _Fuck_.” you groaned, looking at your clock. It was 1:22am. You rolled out of your warm bed, listening in dismay to the rain on your window and the wind blowing a gale outside. It took less than a minute for you to get ready with your new trick, and you went out into the corridor right as Loki appeared from his bedroom, obviously also having just rolled out of bed. Unhelpful.

“What’s going on?”

Your brain was trying to coordinate a sentence whilst taking in the view in front of you, and it wasn’t going too well.

“Mission.” you finally managed to croak, clearing your throat loudly and pointing towards the elevator. Smooth.

“What, now?”

“Yup.”

“Lady Y/N, hurry, we must leave now!” Thor called to you from the elevator.

“Be careful.” Loki told you, watching as you rubbed your eyes which were still puffy with sleep. Did he sound worried about you? It was probably your half-asleep brain playing tricks on you.

“I- yeah. I will. See you.” you said, jogging to the elevator where Thor was waiting for you.

On the roof you made a shield around yourself and Thor as you ran to the jet through the torrential rain.

“Nice weather for flying.” Tony commented cheerfully, handing you an earpiece as you entered the jet and took the shield down, slumping into a seat next to Bucky, who looked like he might have actually fallen back asleep.

“Not all of us don’t need sleep Tony, keep the noise down.” Nat grumbled, tying her hair back and punching Clint to make sure he was awake.

“Buck.” you said softly, nudging him awake with a slightly more subtle method than the one Natasha had employed with Clint.

“It’s not time for being awake yet.” Bucky moaned, and you nodded in agreement, feeling the jet take off in a slightly bumpier fashion than usual what with the weather being so bad.

“Okay troops listen up, here’s the deal…” Tony was talking, but your head was elsewhere, namely back down in the corridor with a half-asleep Loki. Bucky’s head slumped on to your shoulder, doing nothing towards helping you stay awake; you slowly felt your eyes becoming heavier again.

“Y/N, Buck, this is important! Did you hear anything I just said?” Tony snapped, who knows how long later, and you jerked back to consciousness, cold and tired. You missed your bed.

“Yes.” you said defiantly, but then when there was a pause in which you were supposed to tell him what he’d said…

“No.”

“Right, we’re there now, just… cover Steve and I okay? We’re doing the important shit.”

“Roger that.” you said, giving a half-hearted thumbs up and trying to get some magic running through your veins to warm you up. As the jet landed you managed to get your eyes purple, and tried to keep them that way so that you were ready for instant action, if it were to occur. 

“Let’s get this over with. Be careful.” Tony said as the back of the Quinjet opened up into the stormy weather outside, blowing your hair back from your face and waking you up far more effectively than trying to keep your magic at the surface. You all piled out into the rain, which was almost painful with the wind driving it into you, and were soaked within seconds. It was so dark; you all followed Tony and Steve trustingly through the darkness towards a building, when suddenly Clint yelled out, startling you all.

“Look out!”

Everyone instinctively ducked, but nothing happened.

“Clint, what…?”

It was less than five seconds before you were surrounded by figures all dressed in black, hidden by their outfits and the pouring rain.

“Who…?” Steve started to voice the question you were all thinking, and then seemed to realise that no one would have an answer. Tony stepped forward towards the intimidating crowd of figures, clad in black, unmoving in the rain, uncovering his face. You and the rest of the team stood poised behind him, facing all different directions staring at the silent group who had surrounded you.

“Hello, we come in peace, what are you…?”

And, all of a sudden, then they were attacking you. Pure panic fuelled your magic, and you fought off countless figures as they approached from seemingly nowhere. There were so many of them.

“Don’t hurt them, just keep them at bay… we need to find out what they want.” Tony instructed, reacting calmly as you were attacked.

“What could they possibly want that we have on us?!” you heard Nat yell breathlessly through your earpiece.

It was beyond you, you were just concentrating on keeping these creepy dudes away from you.

“One of us.” Thor replied through clenched teeth, sending the figures flying with Mjolnir as if there was no tomorrow.

“What?!” Bruce had also abandoned the ‘don’t hurt them’ rule and was now going full Hulk mode on the figures, who seemed to be dropping back slightly.

In your desperation, you hadn’t realised that the figures around you had their own personal agenda of getting you away from the rest of the group, who were still fighting back to back now at least twenty metres away from you.

Fear gripped you as you realised what was happening, too late. These were the people who wanted to take your magic. You blinked rainwater out of your eyes frantically, doubling your efforts to keep them away from you, but there were so many of them, and they kept on coming… you cursed yourself as you started to feel tired already. You’d only been going for five minutes and you already felt like you needed to rest, but you couldn’t, not if you wanted to…

“Y/N! Where are you?!” Tony yelled. Your chest tightened as you heard the fear in his voice. You couldn’t keep this up forever; your magic was only knocking them back, not doing any serious damage so that they couldn’t keep coming at you. Unable to reply to Tony, you were so out of breath, you formulated a plan. You couldn’t get out of this, you needed to give yourself a fighting chance when they inevitably overpowered you. Breathing hard, you purposefully missed a beat with your systematic blasts of magic, which, up until this point, had been keeping the figures back, and used the split second to tear your earpiece from your ear, turn it off and shove it down your bra. The panicked voices of the team vanished from your ear, and you were left with the sound of your erratic breathing and the pouring rain. Praying none of the figures had seen what you had done, you braced yourself as one of them ran at you and rugby tackled you to the ground, letting out a cry as pain shot through your ribs and then more of the figures were surrounding you, pinning you to the ground and pressing something against your mouth.

A strong scent of something acidic and unpleasant filled your mouth and nose, and you felt yourself losing consciousness yet again. You really needed to work on staying awake in dangerous situations like these.

…

_Loki’s POV_

Something was wrong. Something was really, horribly wrong. Loki didn’t know how he knew, or why, he just did. It was you, there was something wrong with you; something had happened on the mission. What a stupid time to leave for a mission, in the dead of night while the weather was like this, of course something bad had happened. He was still in his room, wide awake, as he heard the Quinjet approach and then land on the roof. About time, it had been at least three hours since you’d left, and two since he’d known something was wrong. The rain hadn’t stopped.

You weren’t dead, he was sure of that, but still he braced himself for the worst as he invaded the thoughts of the team who were descending in the elevator towards him. He didn’t want to try and get into your thoughts, in case something had happened with your magic. He didn’t want to harm you more than you already might be.

Loki blanched as he realised what had happened.

Tony’s thoughts were the loudest.

_We left her. We left her. She’s in danger and we left her._

They’d _left_ you? You weren’t back here with them? Loki struggled to comprehend what had happened from the mess of thoughts in everyone’s heads, but gradually it began to make sense. They’d spent an hour and a half looking for you, and they weren’t going to stop. After a minute of pushing down the initial rage (how could they have been so _stupid_?) and worry he had felt, he strode to his door and yanked it open as the team trudged past in the corridor; they turned to look at him in surprise as he took in the state of them: soaking wet, disheartened and feeling like they’d betrayed you.

“I’ll help. Find her, I mean.”

Ordinarily he would have rather died than help any of them, but when it came to you, things were different. And he wanted to get rid of this tight, awful feeling in his chest which he got whenever he thought about what state you might be in. Was this what it felt like to be worried about someone?

“Come on then.” Tony said, without breaking his stride. He was a man on a mission. None of them questioned how he knew what had happened. Maybe this is what it felt like to work together with a group, rather than against them. It was alright, he supposed. It would be alright, once you were back here. Safe.


	20. In which you throw up in a sink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So it's been a pretty crazy few days for me, my sixth form announced that they were closing yesterday, and then in the evening it was released that all exams have been cancelled in the upcoming months (cos of corona). That's literally a hugeee deal for me, as I've been working towards those exams for two years and they will decide whether I get into uni or not, and on top of that we don't know what grades we are being given - it's being announced tomorrow how they will work it out. So today was suddenly my last day of sixth form and I had to say goodbye to all of my friends, some of which I've been at school with since I was eleven, and it was really emotional, and now I have nothing to do for six months, maybe longer if I don't get into uni. Sorry, rant over, I don't know why I'm putting all that on here but it's just really shitty! Coronavirus sucks man. Anyways. Hope you enjoy this chapter, have some angst to match the general mood for today I guess 0_o

When you woke up you didn’t know where you were, and it took you a few seconds to remember what had happened. Oh, that was right, you’d been kidnapped.

 _Shit_. You’d been kidnapped. And if the team had been right before, your kidnappers wanted to take your magic away from you. You sat up abruptly, taking in your surroundings. You’d been lying on a small, uncomfortable wooden bed and the room you were in looked almost like a prison cell, with nothing more than a toilet, a sink and a desk with nothing on it. It was damp and cold; the metal door on the other side of the room was locked when you got up and tried to open it. You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting. There was a sharp pain in your side, presumably from where you’d been rugby tackled earlier. How long ago had that been?

Returning to sit on the wooden bed, you tried to stay calm. The others would be looking for you, without a shadow of a doubt. If they were okay… what if the black figures had got them all? No, that was ridiculous, they would be okay. And they would be looking for you. You would be fine too until they arrived, you had your magic. They couldn’t take it from you. Momentarily reminded of something Loki had said to you on the night you’d found out that you were Asgardian, you clasped your hands together tightly.

‘It’s not something that can be taken away from someone, apart from under extreme circumstances.’

Did this count as extreme circumstances? You hoped not. You wondered if Loki knew you were missing yet. Had the others gone back to the tower without you, or stayed to search for you? The thought of them all back at the tower without you made you feel utterly isolated, and you struggled to stay optimistic. Would Loki be mad, upset, worried? Would he even care?

Your thoughts were interrupted as the metal door produced a metallic clunking sound and opened slowly; you swiftly got to your feet, ready to defend yourself. You had been expecting armed guards come to escort you somewhere, but instead you were met with the sight of an elderly lady, probably in her mid-fifties, alone.

“Y/N, hello. Please don’t be alarmed, sit.” she said, gesturing at the bed behind you.

You didn’t move.

“Who are you? What do you want from me?”

“Questions! Be patient, I will explain. Now sit.” she said slightly more forcefully than before, and this time you obliged, disconcerted by this woman.

She perched on the edge of the desk, taking you in.

“Why am I here?” you asked again, needing answers.

“If you let me talk, I will explain. We have identified you as a danger to society, and have chosen to neutralise you as a threat.”

“Neutralise me?” you repeated, fear rising in your throat.

“Oh don’t be silly, we don’t want to _kill_ you, we just need to separate you and the destructive force which has attached itself to you.”

What the hell was this crazy old lady talking about?

“What destructive force? You mean this?” you asked, holding out your hand to show her the purple mist. She shifted away from you slightly.

“I would appreciate if you didn’t summon that in such a confined space.” she told you. She was afraid.

“I would appreciate not being kidnapped and trapped in a room, but you did that to me.” you replied angrily, standing up.

“Please, don’t hurt me. We aim for minimal loss of lie at this institution, it would be shame for us both to die.”

Basically, ‘if you hurt me, you’ll die’ you thought to yourself, trying to calm down before you did something stupid. You just wanted to get out of here and get back to the tower.

“What was the deal with the people in black? What happened to the people I was with?”

“You don’t need to pretend dear, of course I know you’re part of the Avengers. And we tricked Mr Stark into thinking there was a mission to be had, when really it was only going to be an ambush. It was quite easy really.”

These guys had wanted to kidnap you really badly. The lady seemed to guess your thoughts.

“We’ve spent lots of time and resources on finding and capturing you to take your ‘magic’, as you call it. You must understand that if we wanted you dead we could have killed you long ago. We tried to get you at the site of that building collapse, thinking that while your friends were distracted we could swipe you, but you went running in to save the day.”

“That was you? You planted bombs in innocent peoples’ homes…”

“Now hang on, let me explain. There was much discussion over this tactic, but we decided that it was for the greater good. A few people might have died, but compared to the number of people you will inevitably harm and kill with your magic… it would have been a small price to pay.”

“What gives you the idea I’m some sort of killing machine?! I’ve never killed anyone in my life, and I don’t plan on doing so!” you retorted, breathing hard.

“Perhaps not, but did you ever think about the fact that, once, your friend Loki might have said those words too? People like you are so easily manipulated, especially when loved ones are involved. It’s too dangerous.”

Your blood ran cold. So someone had heard Loki at the party weeks ago, someone who was working for this woman. You felt sick. These people had been in your home, right under yours and everyone else’s noses, and you hadn’t even realised. Nat had been right to be wary.

The lady looked satisfied that she’d given you a good enough answer now, and stood up.

“I’ll be seeing you shortly. Don’t try anything silly, we don’t want anyone getting hurt.” she said as she left the room, closing the door abruptly and locking it. The metallic clunk sounded loud in the empty room, and you let the magic leave your hands. Then you ran to the sink and threw up.

When you’d emptied the contents of your stomach, you sat on the floor and rested your head on your knees, fighting not to cry. You’d never felt so helpless. You were completely on your own, you didn’t know where you were, the others had no way of finding you and you had no way to contact them.

No, wait. The earpiece! Your heart leapt and you thanked your past self for planning ahead gratefully as you remembered shoving the earpiece in your bra. It was only tiny, but now you thought about it you could feel it resting just above your heart. You checked the room for CCTV, but there didn’t seem to be any, so you pulled the earpiece out and pressed the button to turn it on, praying.

_Tony’s POV_

The light that appeared suddenly on the screen in front of him was like a lifeline for Tony’s mind. He scrambled to his feet, hardly daring to believe it, and then your voice was emanating through the speakers. After almost three hours of sitting here waiting, a miracle had occurred.

“Hello?”

Tony scrambled for the microphone, desperate to let you know he could hear you.

“Guys? Please- someone…”

“I’m here, kid, I’m here, I can hear you!”

“Tony?”

The relief in your voice made him want to cry.

“I’m so sorry kid, we all are, we looked all over for you…”

“Don’t, it’s my own fault…”

“JARVIS, tell the others to wake up, we’re leaving. Y/N, there’s a tracker in this earpiece which can get us near, but the one in your suit is better, you need to try and find it and activate…”

“Hang on, there’s a tracker in my suit?” you asked, with a hint of indignance.

“Yes, there is, for situations such as this one. You need to activate it.” Tony replied, without a hint of an apology.

Suddenly, Loki was by Tony’s side.

“Y/N?”

“Loki.” you said, and both men heard the smile in your voice. Tony glanced at Loki, who pretended not to have noticed.

“Are you okay?”

“Apart from being kidnapped?”

“Where are you, can we get a location?”

“Yeah, the tracker in her suit is better than this one though…”

“Someone’s coming.” you said abruptly.

“Y/N, find the tracker in your suit and turn it on, understand?” Tony told you desperately.

“What’s going on, you found her?” Steve had arrived, followed by the others.

“Shh.” Tony flapped a hand to get everyone to be quiet.

Muffled male voices were coming from the speakers, and then there was a scuffling sound, you yelled ‘no!’ from a distance, and then silence. The light on the screen blinked off.

“We’re leaving, get to the jet, now.” Tony commanded, doing something on the screen to get your vague location back up. No one argued; seconds later it was just Loki left.

“You’re not coming.”

“Stark-”

“No. Fury will kill us all, and that’s not an over-exaggeration.”

Loki looked like he was going to kill someone himself.

“There’s a tracker on that thing, he’ll know if you leave.” Tony stressed, pointing to the new cuff he had made for show, which was on Loki’s wrist.

“You think I can’t get it off myself…”

“Right now Loki, Y/N needs me. I’m leaving. Please stay here.”

Tony ran down the corridor clutching a memory stick which was his only clue to where you were, and, deciding that the elevator was too slow, summoned his suit and flew up to the roof out of a window instead, where the others were already waiting to take off. The storm had blown itself out, but it was still cold and raining outside. It was only six am and still pitch black. 

In the jet, during take-off, Tony plugged the memory stick into the flight deck and brought up your location for the others to see.

“It’s miles away from where we went last night, no wonder we couldn’t find her.” Steve commented.

“This might be inaccurate, those earpieces aren’t meant for long distance tracking.” Tony replied.

“Reindeer Games not tagging along?” Nat asked.

“No, I asked him to stay put and he has… I think.”

“He cares about Lady Y/N a lot, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s gone after her himself.” Thor contributed.

“Not my problem right now. We have to find her before…” Tony paused, unsure how to finish the sentence.

“She’ll be alright, she can look after herself.” Nat asserted.

Everyone agreed wholeheartedly, but the atmosphere was still one of trepidation as the team flew back towards where your earpiece had last been detected.

_Your POV_

The men had found, taken and destroyed your earpiece, and now you were being escorted down a series of long corridors to an unknown destination. The place looked and smelt like a hospital. To your horror, you passed countless other metal doors which looked exactly like the one you had just come out of.

“Are there other people here? Like me I mean?” you asked your guards, but they didn’t respond, marching you towards a room at the end of one of the endless corridors. There were more guards waiting at the end, and behind them on the left was a window. A plan emerged in your head. It was ridiculous and incredibly risky, but it was a plan. Right now you’d take whatever chance you got.

You were distracted from your plan to escape when you were shoved by one of the guards away from the window and towards a doorway leading to a room which looked horribly like a surgery room, complete with a table (which you would evidently have to lie down on) with restraints on it. There was no way in hell you were going to get on that thing.

“She was talking into an earpiece, they might be coming. We need to work fast.”

The old woman from earlier was here now, trying to reassure you, guiding you into the room. You almost felt sorry for her as panic overwhelmed you and you saw the fear in her eyes. The two guards, along with those in the corridor, backed away from you slowly.

Your eyes were burning.


	21. In which you jump out a window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we've just been put into lockdown so I'm officially in quarantine, AKA more time for writing! In other (better) news, the uni I want to go to gave me an unconditional offer today, so my A levels and grades don't matter anymore, I've got a place! i'm sooo happy XD Anyways, hope you enjoy chapter twenty one, and thanks for the lovely messages I've been getting <3

Get to the window.

That was your only thought as you unleashed your pent-up fear and anger on these people who had kidnapped you with no remorse, your only goal to escape this hell hole. You didn’t know how high up you were, or how far the fall would be, but it was a risk you were willing to take. Hopefully it wasn’t any higher up than the ninth floor of the Avengers Tower. Loki wasn’t here to heal you if things went wrong this time: you’d be on your own if that were to happen.

The guards were appearing in force now, but they were no match for you in this state, which was fast approaching pure panic. Some of them were even faltering and backing away down the corridor, presumably having seen their comrades being thrown about like rag dolls and not fancying going next. There was no time to think about not hurting them, you just needed to escape.

“Stop her!” the woman cried as you ran for the window, guessing correctly that the two guards stationed there would get out of your way as you approached them. There was no stopping you as you leapt straight through the window, closing your eyes and yelling as you smashed through the glass. It took you a second to remember that you had to break your fall with your magic as you fell, and caught yourself just in time, rolling over a few times as you hit the ground just to be sure. As you scrambled to your feet, winded but unhurt, you glanced up at the window you had fallen from. It had only been four floors up.

“She can’t get away, quick, go!” that was the woman again, yelling at the guards.

You glanced around your surroundings briefly, but it was too dark to see anything apart from the looming building you’d just escaped from. Deciding that the best route was away from it, you started running blindly into the darkness, praying that the others would be here soon.

Wait, you’d forgotten about your tracker. Tony had told you to find the tracker in your suit and turn it on. You slowed to a brisk walk and started feeling around the arms and sides of your suit for… anything. Couldn’t Tony have told you where the tracker was? Suddenly, your foot found a hole in the ground and you tripped, falling flat on your face having been preoccupied trying to find the stupid tracker.

You got to your feet, cursing, and stopped completely, checking over your shoulder for guards, and feeling about for your tracker again. This time you were luckier, and found a tiny cube under the fabric on your left underarm. Did you have to get it out, or could you just hit it? If you got it out you might lose it, and then you were well and truly screwed. But there was no time to stand around debating what to do, because now there were guards coming out of the building. Armed guards.

Praying that it would be enough, you hit the small cube a few times, and then broke into a sprint again, running away from the guards, towards who knew what. Exactly what you were running towards became apparent just a few seconds later, when suddenly a large metal fence, at least nine feet high with barbed wire along the top, came into view. You skidded to a stop just before hitting it, stumbling back a few steps. This is very annoying. You could blast a hole in it but that would attract the attention of the guards, who thankfully still hadn’t seen you in the darkness. They’d just catch up with you on the other side if they knew where you were.

Were you really going to have to climb over this thing? Without any better ideas, you stepped up to the fence and grabbed hold of the nearest bar. Bad, _bad_ idea. You didn’t need to know many volts went through your body to work out that you were in trouble, because three seconds later you were flat on your back with the smell of burning surrounding you and a loud ringing in your ears.

“Over there! I saw a flash!”

That hadn’t felt good at _all_. You tried to get to your feet but everything was spinning and you only got to your knees before toppling over again. Your escape wasn’t going as well as you’d hoped. You tried to summon your magic as you heard footsteps approaching, but that just _hurt_ …

“She’s here! She’s been electrocuted though…”

“Where, let me see.”

That stupid old woman again.

“Y/N dear, now look what’s happened. Didn’t I say for you not to try anything?”

“Fuck _off_.” you groaned, closing your eyes and trying to get your head to stop spinning. It was like you’d been put in a washing machine on the full speed setting. You couldn’t breathe.

“Come on, pick her up and get her back to the room. We need to check her vitals before…”

“No, you can’t- I won’t…” you interrupted, breathing hard. Why couldn’t you talk?

One of the guards picked you up and you were powerless to resist as you headed back towards the building. Unable to breathe, let alone think about escaping, you felt yourself drifting… no. You weren’t going to pass out, not this time. Even though your head felt like it had been put in a microwave. You could still smell burning.

Suddenly, you heard a familiar noise over the ringing in your ears.

“Hah.” you smiled, opening your eyes to see the Quinjet descending over the building. The hitting method had worked!

“Get her inside, quickly. We need to act fast, otherwise plan B becomes an option.” the woman said, and you were carried swiftly inside, surrounded by guards. Plan B? You didn’t like the sound of that.

_Y/N? Can you hear me?_

Oh no, now you were hearing things. Loki wasn’t here. Maybe you’d already passed out.

_Y/N, you haven’t passed out, tell me where you are, please._

“Loki.” you said, looking around incredulously.

“She’s losing it, that was a strong shock she’s just had. She might have internal injuries-”

“Nonsense, she’s fine, quickly now…”

_Y/N, please-_

_Loki?_

_Yes! Yes, I’m here._

The obvious, palpable relief in even his thoughts made you smile and that feeling in your chest returned, except this time it was a bad thing because you were really struggling to breathe…

“Stairs or elevator?”

“Elevator of course, you fool, get in. The rest of you take the stairs.”

_Y/N?_

_Elevator._

Talking through your thoughts was making your skull throb like mad, so you tried to keep the meaning short.

_What floor?_

_Fourth._

You tried to focus on your breathing as the guard carrying you put you down and you lurched to the side, reaching out to steady yourself against the side of the elevator.

“Y/N, stop being dramatic please, you’re fine. And if you’re not fine, well, you heard about plan B didn’t you?”

They wouldn’t kill you. They couldn’t. The team were here; Loki was here, you were going to be fine.

_They’re not going to kill you. I won’t let them._

Your heart lurched in your chest; either a reaction to Loki’s statement or you were going into cardiac arrest, you couldn’t quite tell in your current situation.

The doors of the elevator opened and you were re-joined by the other guards who had gone up the stairs as you were half walked, half dragged down the corridor. You waited for something to happen, anything, but you were just getting closer and closer to that goddamn room again.

Loki.

Had you thought that or said it out loud?

_I’m here. Hold on._

“The Avengers have infiltrated the building.” one of the guards said, touching his earpiece, and the woman stopped in her tracks.

“How long?”

“A minute, tops.”

She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily, before turning to look at you regretfully.

“I’m sorry Y/N, perhaps this could have ended differently if you’d decided to cooperate with us sooner.”

You heart contracted in your chest, now you really couldn’t breathe. They weren’t going to have to kill you, your body was giving up on its own…

The woman turned and nodded at the guard who had been holding you, and he unholstered a gun from his belt.

Time slowed down. Your legs decided that they didn’t work anymore and you dropped to your knees as the guard pointed his gun at you.

_Loki…_

_Wait._

Everything happened at once. The gun went off, but nothing hit you. Nat was sprinting down the corridor from one direction, and Tony flew through the window which you had smashed earlier, and all hell broke loose. Then Loki was hauling you to your feet, and then all of a sudden you were outside, and there was fresh air and quiet, the sounds of fighting from upstairs now distant. He’d teleported you both outside.

“Y/N, what happened? What’s wrong with you?” Loki asked you urgently, gripping your upper arms tightly. He was scared.

“The fence.” you tried to explain, waving towards it vaguely. “I tried- I shouldn’t’ve…”

“Just breathe.” Loki told you, watching you worriedly.

“It was electric, the fence; I can’t breathe.” you said, realising how scared you were and feeling a sob rise in your throat as you met Loki’s gaze.

“It’s okay, we’ll just- let’s get you to Banner, he’ll be able to…”

“LOKI!” Tony bellowed out of the window.

“Odin’s beard.” Loki muttered, and then you were in the Quinjet. You really needed to learn how to teleport.

You were met with a series of “Y/N!” and “Loki?” from all of the team apart from Tony, Nat and Thor who had apparently gone in first to see what the situation was like and not needed any back up.

Bruce was with you instantly, taking you from Loki and helping you to sit down.

“Tell me what happened.” he said.

“She was electrocuted by the fence around the perimeter; she can’t breathe or stand properly and her hearing is off. She can’t use her magic.” Loki reeled off, and you nodded to confirm what he’d said.

“How’s your sight?” Bruce asked.

“Fine.” you replied.

“Good, that’s good. I think you’re just in shock, but I’ll check for internal damage when we get back to the tower. For now just stay still and concentrate on your breathing, alright?”

You nodded, closing your eyes to try and counter the dizziness you were feeling.

Loki was pushed aside as the others came over to see for themselves that you were alright.

“Tony and the others will be back any second, they’re all fine.” Steve reassured you, and you nodded again, relieved. You could vaguely hear their thoughts, wondering what you’d been through and why you were so tired, but you didn’t have to energy (or breath) to tell them. Bucky, who was correctly guessing the gist of what had happened, sat next to you and put his arm around you; you leaned into him gratefully, closing your eyes. He could sympathise with what might have happened to you if the team hadn’t turned up when they had.

You hadn’t noticed in your state, but you couldn’t hear Loki’s thoughts anymore. If you’d been paying attention, you would have noticed that he was determinedly not looking at you and Bucky and that his jaw was clenched. But you weren’t, and you didn’t notice.

“Go, let’s go. Quick.”

That was Tony. You opened your eyes to see him, Nat and Thor running up the ramp, and mere seconds later you were in the air with no apparent resistance from those still on the ground.

Tony made a beeline for you, and Bucky removed his arm from around you just as Tony crouched down to your level and enveloped you in a hug.

“Kid, I’m so sorry.” he said into your shoulder.

“It’s not your fault.” you replied, gently detaching yourself from him. It was nice that he cared, but you were struggling to breathe as it was, without being crushed by him.

“Look at you.” he said sadly, scanning your face.

“Lady Y/N, are you hurt?” Thor asked in concern, peering over Tony’s head at you.

“Can’t tell yet, we’ll find out later.” you wheezed, attempting a smile.

“Don’t talk, you’re making it worse. Just breathe.” Bucky told you, laying a hand on your arm in concern. You nodded gratefully, again not seeing Loki watching you in from the corner where he was now sat. There was only one word for what he was feeling. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about.

Bruce was talking to Tony about possible internal injuries you might have while you tried not to listen, and Nat came over to give your arm a quick squeeze before sitting down herself, visibly exhausted.

You rested your head back on Bucky’s shoulder and focused on your breathing, praying that you weren’t suffering from some serious internal problem, which it felt like you were currently. You would be okay. Bruce would be able to fix whatever it was. Or Loki. You looked up and over to where Loki was sat; to your surprise he looked upset, or angry. You’d talk to him later, you were way too tired to try and talk to him through your mind right now.

You hoped he was okay.


	22. In which Loki has a revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you're all doing okay :) No news from me, I've literally been doing nothing stuck in quarantine, like many of you I'm sure! Writing and reading fanfic has been keeping me going. Here's chapter twenty-two (woww this is going so quick!), hope you enjoy! <3

The journey down from the roof of the tower to the medical ward seemed a lot longer than it actually was in your state, and despite your furious protests Thor eventually carried you for the second half of the trek. When you finally got there you had to sit and take some deep breaths for a minute before you could open your eyes, even though you’d been carried and hadn’t walked yourself.

“You guys can leave, I’m just going to check her vitals and when she _is_ fine I’ll give you a shout.” Bruce told the others, putting emphasis on the word is. Everyone had followed you down apart from Nat, Clint and Steve. You lay down on the bed under Bruce’s supervision and faded in and out of consciousness as he hooked you up to some machines and watched a computer screen, clicking frequently.

“Am I okay?” you asked, unable to wait while he analysed your vitals.

“Yeah, there’s nothing serious going on, you just need to take it easy or things might start going wrong. Got it? That means no leaving here until tomorrow.” he told you, detaching you from the monitors and switching the computer off.

You sighed heavily, slumping back on to the bed.

“It’s a miracle you’re not seriously injured Y/N, you should be grateful.” Bruce said.

“I am, I’m just getting bored of being stuck in here constantly.” you moaned.

“It’s only for a little bit. Now let me look at your hands.”

“What? My hands are fine.” you said, holding them out to show him. Your mouth fell open as you saw your palms; they were bright red, shiny and swollen. Burnt from where you’d grabbed hold of the electric fence.

“I hadn’t even noticed.” you said in disbelief.

“You were probably preoccupied, what with not being able to breathe.” Bruce joked, crossing the room to get medical supplies.

“Let me.” Loki’s voice came from the doorway.

Bruce turned to look at him in surprise, then to you for confirmation. You smiled.

“Thanks Bruce.”

You felt bad as he left the room, but Loki could get it done quicker and more effectively.

Loki sat down next to you and held his hand out; you obliged and let him start healing you. You sat in comfortable silence for a bit, before you realised something was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, noticing that he wasn’t looking at you.

He didn’t reply verbally, rather let you hear what it was he had been thinking.

You were shaking your head as you realised what he had been thinking.

“Don’t try and tell me that you think it’s your fault I got taken? I was the one who let my guard down, I was half asleep.”

“They heard me at that party. I was careless.”

“Well, I don’t blame you; you don’t need to worry about me being mad.”

He looked up at you sharply, and then back at your hands.

“You weren’t meant to hear that bit.”

“You saved me. From being shot. How could I be mad?”

He didn’t reply, but his grip on your hands became ever so slightly firmer.

When he was done, your hands looked almost good as new, apart from still being slightly red. To your surprise, next he reached for your face, and you leant back as he moved towards you.

“You’re covered in scratches.” Loki explained, and you frowned before remembering that you’d smashed through a glass window to escape.

“Oh yeah.” you laughed half-heartedly, leaning back forward to let him heal the scratches. You were so wiped out that you didn’t even have to distract yourself while he was doing it.

“There.” he finally said when he was done, leaning back.

“Thanks.” you smiled, again slumping back into the pillows on your bed.

“…I’m sorry.” Loki told you, watching you worriedly.

“It’s not your fault!” you exclaimed. Why didn’t he understand that? You weren’t really mad, but you didn’t know how else to get through to him.

He observed you for another couple of seconds, and then stood up and made for the door.

“Shall I ask Thor to come down? Or Stark?”

“Thor, please. I’m sorry for…”

He was already gone. 

You cursed yourself for being so stupid. He’d shown emotion and you’d been short with him. Then again, you couldn’t have him thinking it was his fault you’d been kidnapped. But maybe you could have been a bit less harsh.

Minutes later Thor was by your side.

“What did you do to him? He wasn’t happy.” he asked you, with a hint of a smile.

“Just told him it wasn’t his fault I was kidnapped.” you shrugged.

“Ah yes, that would do it.” Thor said humorously; you smiled.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”

“I know. I wasn’t worried.” you replied. Wow, you were cranky. Then again, you’d had barely three hours sleep (not including the time you’d been out cold for) and been kidnapped in the last twenty-four hours. If ever there was a reason to be cranky, that was it.

“I’ve never seen him so worried about someone before. Loki, I mean.” Thor told you, watching your face carefully as he leant back in the chair next to your bed.

“Well, he’s good at hiding his emotions.” you countered, not letting your expression betray the fact that your chest had tightened _again._

“That’s what I mean. He wasn’t so good at doing that yesterday.” Thor said.

You shrugged.

“We’re friends Thor, we’ve spent a lot of time together. I would’ve been worried about him too.”

“Well, I think the others have warmed to him slightly after that. Tony wasn’t even that angry that he’d snuck on to the Quinjet when he told him to stay put…”

“What? He wasn’t meant to come with you guys?”

“No.” Thor replied, with an ‘I told you so’ look on his face which you stubbornly ignored.

Your chest was getting tighter by the second, and it had nothing to do with the fact you’d been electrocuted.

You quickly changed the subject after that, and Thor kept you company for about twenty more minutes before Tony appeared.

“Hey kid, how’re you doing?” he asked, coming to stand at the end of your bed.

“I’ll let you two talk, see you later.” Thor said to you, standing up and allowing Tony to replace him in his seat.

“I’m feeling better thanks. We need to talk about that place I was being held.” you told Tony as Thor left the room, and he nodded.

“That woman, she called it an ‘institute’. What does that mean?” you asked.

“SHIELD are dealing with it as we speak I should hope. It was an underground organisation which, as you know, was focused on eliminating ‘threats to society’. Basically they didn’t like anyone who held more power than them; all of us were on the plans we found of theirs on that mission when we found out you were in danger. The difference was that you seemed ‘weaker’ than the rest of us so they were targeting you. ” Tony explained.

“I think there were other people there. Will SHIELD help them?” you continued.

“…I hope so. They’ll probably all be enrolled into their programme, if they’re fit to do so…” here he trailed off, and you both sat thinking about what horrible things they might have done to people.

“But the main thing is the organisation is being broken apart as we speak. And you’re alright.” Tony suddenly continued, grasping your arm firmly.

You nodded.

“And what about Loki?” you asked.

“What about him?”

“When are you going to talk to Fury about the fact that he should be able to use his magic? And not be locked up here in the tower?”

“He can use his magic, we’re doing him a favour. Fury won’t go for him being allowed in public, we both know that.” Tony sighed.

“Can you at least try and talk to him about it? He might say that he can use his magic again, and then we won’t have to pretend that he’s still powerless.”

“Maybe Reindeer Games shouldn’t have his powers. None of us knew he was on the jet when we came to get you earlier, he’s good at what he does. That makes him dangerous.”

“He’s not dangerous.” you stated firmly.

Tony gave you a sceptical look.

“If you say ‘you weren’t there during the attack’ I’m gonna-”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Tony interrupted. “We’ve heard about all of the times he’s betrayed Thor, and he’s proven he can be manipulated… kid?”

You realised your anger had exposed itself in the form of your eyes glowing purple as Tony stared at you in surprise.

“He wasn’t manipulated, he was tortured and brainwashed by a _titan_.” you said angrily.

Tony nodded sadly. Your eyes slowly returned to their normal colour.

“Sorry.” you whispered. Now you felt like crying. What was going on?

“You really care about him don’t you?”

You had a flashback of you saying that to Thor on the roof, weeks ago.

Tony was still looking at you; you just shrugged, not trusting yourself to speak.

“I think you need to get some sleep Y/N.” he said, standing up putting a hand on your head comfortingly.

You nodded, closing your eyes.

“Wake me up for lunch?” you asked, and Tony laughed.

“I will. Get some rest.”

Then he was gone.

You were alone with your thoughts for approximately three seconds.

_Are you okay?_

You smiled.

_I’m fine. Just tired._

_And angry? What did Stark say?_

_Nothing, I just need to sleep._

_I agree._

There was a bit of angst behind that comment, you could tell.

_Sorry for getting annoyed. I need you to know that it’s not your fault that I got taken._

_Go to sleep Y/N._

_When you admit that it wasn’t your fault._

_You’ll be awake for a while._

You didn’t reply to that. Knowing that he would give in.

 _Fine. Maybe it wasn’t_ entirely _my fault._

_Good enough for me._

He tried to reply to that, but you didn’t hear him, having already started to drift off to sleep.

_Loki’s POV_

There was a smile on his face as he lost contact with you as you fell asleep. What was wrong with him?

‘You’re going soft’ he told himself under his breath sternly, only realising how ridiculous he must look after he’d uttered the words. You were changing him, for better or for worse. He’d risked his safety and his magic to sneak on to the jet and save you, having not even thought about the consequences of his actions until after you were safe. But the consequences seemed to have been mostly positive (oddly); the others had thought better of him on the way back (he’d literally heard exactly what they were thinking), and Tony hadn’t been that angry. There had been a minute lecture, if that, and afterwards Tony had actually clapped him on the back. Apparently that was a nice thing to do on Midgard.

All of the evidence was pointing towards one thing – sentiment. But for the first time in a long time Loki wasn’t seeing it as a bad thing. It felt good, and right. There was just the small issue of you not seeming to return the feeling, and the fact that you never would. You were a normal Asgardian, whereas he was… not. The thought hurt.

But, as Loki lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, he remembered that sentiment couldn’t just be pushed aside. It had to be dealt with. Now he was remembering why he didn’t mix with people, it made things complicated and annoying. But then there was you. Y/N.

The simple thought of you wasn’t complicated and annoying. It didn’t make him feel bad.

It made him feel something completely, totally different.

Loki sat up slowly as the word bounced around his head.

He’d barely known you for seven weeks, that was barely a blink of an eye in his lifetime, but you were so _different_ to anyone else he’d ever met. Things were about to get complicated; there was no pushing this down.

The word continued to fly relentlessly around his head.

Love.


	23. In which you have a small existential crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yooo guess who has writers block right when she gets a whole load of time to do some writing?? Me. It's me. Send help. Ideas, thoughts anything, just give me fooddd. I'll try and keep updating twice a week but we'll see if I can kickstart my brain again before I make any promises. Here's chapter twenty three, hope you enjoyyy :))

Two days later you were back on your feet, having thankfully not suffered any internal damage from the electrocution. The beginning of December had been confirmed by the first snow of the year and it was getting colder by the day. There had been no training for you since the mission; Loki and Nat rarely agreed on the same thing, but when it came to you wanting to train so soon after you’d been injured their decision was a unanimous one: you needed to rest. Maybe it was just you, but Loki had been acting kind of weird since the mission; you hadn’t talked to him in your mind since you’d made him admit that it wasn’t his fault you’d been kidnapped. You didn’t want to bring it up, but something was definitely going on with him.

In the back of your mind, there was a small nagging voice which was calling for you to entertain the possibility that he might be having the same problem as you and was trying to hide his feelings from you… but you knew that was just wishful thinking. He was a _literal_ god, you were an abandoned Asgardian left to fend for herself on Midgard with no idea how to use her magic. Not to mention the fact that Loki was immortal like Thor. You made a mental note to ask him how old he was next time you saw him; maybe that would put you off.

Yesterday you had been bored out of your mind with Bruce, Nat, Steve and Loki continuously telling you to sit down and stop straining yourself while the others watched on in amusement. Tony had snuck outside with you when none of them had been around and showed you his cars, and upon learning that you didn’t know how to drive (you weren’t sure why he was shocked) drove you in an Audi R8 to an abandoned empty car park twenty minutes out of town and spent three hours teaching you how to drive an automatic. By the end you were confident enough to drive back to the tower, and you did so well with Tony’s guidance. The others hadn’t been impressed that you had snuck away (especially Loki), and you were ordered to go and lie down for a while before dinner. You had planned on telling Loki that you were going out on your way downstairs, but had decided against it because he had closed his mind off to you.

That had been yesterday, and he still hadn’t let you in.

Now it was mid-afternoon, and you were lying spread eagled on one of the sofas in the lounge scrolling through your phone while Loki sat opposite you reading with his feet up on the coffee table. He was forever reading; you didn’t ask where he got all the books from. The others had been summoned by Nick Fury; Tony had tactfully suggested that you didn’t need to tag along for it because it would probably be boring, and thus strongly suggesting that you hadn’t been invited. A raised eyebrow from Loki (who had been stood behind Tony at the time) had confirmed he thought the same. The two of you were definitely being discussed, but you didn’t mind and you weren’t worried – the others would tell you what had been talked about when they got back.

Suddenly you remembered that you’d meant to ask Loki how old he was, and looked up to ask the question before realising he had heard you already.

“One thousand and forty-eight. Why?”

Your phone dropped from your hand on to the rug and your jaw went slack in shock as you stared at him.

Loki smirked at you. “What were you expecting?”

You struggled to form a sentence.

“Not that.” you finally managed. “So, how old does that make Thor?”

“He’s older by four hundred and forty-seven years, so…” he paused to work it out in his head, while your brain tried in vain to comprehend this new information.

“One thousand four hundred and ninety-five.” Loki said matter of factly.

“…right.” you replied, reaching down for your phone, which luckily was undamaged. Your mind was spinning.

“Why?” Loki repeated.

“Just curious.” you shrugged. You lapsed into silence again for about two minutes, before you exclaimed: “ _One thousand-”_

“-and forty-eight, yes.” he smiled, shaking his head and your incredulous expression.

“I thought you were like, two hundred and something, at a push!”

“I’ll take it as a compliment. And remember, time works differently on Asgard and Midgard, so there’s no real way to tell…”

“Okay, enough, my brain hurts.” you winced, holding up a hand.

“I wonder how old you are, really?” Loki mused.

“What do you mean? We know how old I am.” you frowned.

“Yes, in human years, but you’re Asgardian. Asgardians live way longer than Midgardians, and you can’t remember when you came to Earth, so you might well have been alive for… I probably shouldn’t have brought that up.” Loki said, watching you in mild concern.

Your expression had glazed over; you were trying to contemplate the fact that you might have been alive for longer than you thought. It wasn’t going well.

Loki kicked his legs up and off of the table and in a flash was sat next to you. You were so thrown by his comment that you didn’t even have the capacity to make a sarcastic joke about him being too lazy to walk around the table.

“Y/N, try not to think about it…”

You turned to look at him incredulously. Try not to think about the fact that you could never know how _old_ you were?

“Okay, it sounds bad when you put it like that. But age is just a number, it doesn’t really matter.”

That brought you crashing back down to Earth. You refused to even consider the thoughts which almost came to the forefront of your mind, which had mainly been along the lines of your earlier thought of ‘age might put me off’. That ship had just well and truly set sail.

“Maybe to you.” you said, meeting his gaze and suddenly realising how close he was sat to you. He looked away quickly. You were just plucking up the courage to ask him why he wouldn’t let you in his mind when the sound of the jet reached your ears and you both looked towards the window.

Loki was back in the other sofa with the book in his hands again in a moment, and you looked at him with a questioning frown. All you got was a shrug in response, as if to say, ‘isn’t it obvious?’. It wasn’t, but you let it slide.

Minutes later the team started filtering into the room, giving no indication of what had happened in the meeting with Fury. Suddenly Tony’s appeared around the doorway.

“Y/N and Loki, can you come with me a sec?”

You and Loki shared a brief look before getting up and following Tony down the hallway and into the elevator.

“We have a new important mission coming up. I talked to Fury and he agreed that you can come on the next mission with us, but only because it’s going to require your specific skill set. Y/N, this is important for you too, if you’re up for it.” Tony said.

“Obviously.” you replied, right as Loki said “No.” firmly.

You turned to look at him in surprise and indignance, while Tony ran a hand through his hair in agitation.

“Stop reading my mind Reindeer Games. And that was my initial reaction, but let me explain…”

“She… it’s too dangerous.” Loki continued in disbelief.

“Explain! What’s going on?” you said, becoming more confused and annoyed by the minute.

“I’ll show you.” Tony said as the doors pinged open him and he started towards his lab. You followed him and sat down on a work surface while Loki stood next to you with his arms crossed, watching Tony bring up a screen on the projector. The face of a moderately good looking but self-righteous man appeared on the screen, and Tony turned to you.

“This is Alberto Ricci. He’s been involved in loads of criminal activity, hiring people to steal stuff for him and selling it on; he’s gotten filthy rich from it but until now there’s been no evidence and no way to track him down.” Tony explained.

“Did they try looking in Italy?” you smirked, and received two disapproving looks.

“Sorry. Please continue.” you grinned.

“SHIELD spies have managed to track him down after almost two years; he’s hosting a party in a private mansion in Connecticut next Saturday, and we’ve been asked to go and, well, ‘take him down’. Obviously we won’t be able to go as ourselves, and not all of us will get in; we’ll need fake identities… which is where you two come in.”

“I don’t follow.” you frowned, ignoring Loki who was shaking his head next to you.

“He wants you to go as Ricci’s date and trick him into being captured.” Loki said plainly.

“…how am I supposed to go as his _date_?!” you laughed, as a gorgeous blonde model woman appeared next to the target on the projector. Penelope Whittaker.

“That depends on you being able to cast an illusion.” Tony told you. You both looked at Loki.

“Can you teach me?” you asked him.

Loki looked at you incredulously.

“You want to do this?” he asked.

“Yeah, why not? It’ll be useful to be able to cast illusions too.” you replied, secretly enjoying how concerned Loki seemed about you.

“You’ll be in there too, with Buck and Clint, maybe Nat too if she can disguise herself well enough. Steve, Bruce, Thor and I would be recognised instantly so we’ll be on stand-by nearby.” Tony added.

Loki still looked unhappy.

“I’m in.” you said firmly, looking back at Tony, who smiled.

“I thought you might say that.” he said.

You looked back at Loki, and were surprised to see that he was glaring at Tony almost vehemently.

“Hey…”

“Fine, I’ll teach you.” he said shortly.

“Great, uh, tomorrow we’ll start looking at the finer details…” Tony trailed off as Loki nodded distractedly and left the room. He turned to you wide eyed for an explanation, but you just shrugged.

“Don’t look at me!” you told him.

“You can hear his thoughts Y/N, if anyone would know what that was about it’s you.”

“Not at the moment, he’s blocking me from his mind.”

“Oh.” Tony said suddenly, looking past you in realisation.

“What?”

“He can read minds. I was thinking that he was being super protective of you when he started glaring.” he explained.

“Oh.” you echoed, sighing. Loki would have _hated_ that. Any sort of emotion was viewed as a weakness in his head.

“He was though. Being over-protective of you I mean.” Tony told you with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk.

“What are you trying to suggest?” you asked, feeling a reluctant grin spread across your face. Your heart was beating slightly faster than usual.

Tony just shrugged, looking away nonchalantly.

“Oh, you can tell Loki I’ve got some gear for him when he’s stopped being an arse-”

“Hey.” you interrupted him, with a disapproving look.

Tony pulled a face. Dropping the gear he had picked up back into the box in had been in, he turned to a mess of metal, wires and tools covering the work surface next to him.

“Show me what you’ve been up to in all your sleepless nights then.” you requested, hopping down from the table and joining him at the table.

You received a big smile, and then he started explaining his latest project to you. Usually you couldn’t read other people’s minds, but Tony’s thought had been so loud and full of emotion that you couldn’t avoid hearing it.

_She really wants to know, she cares. I love this kid._

Resisting the urge to hug him, you listened intently as Tony talked instead.

This was how family should be.


	24. In which you prepare to kidnap a criminal mastermind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, have an early update to make up for all the nights I update at like midnight! Hope you enjoy chapter twenty-four, I think I'm getting over my writers block so hopefully I won't have to sacrifice any updates :)) Thank you so much for almost 3k reads and all the amazing comments I've been receiving! <3

Nine days later, it was the day of the mission and there was a palpable sense of tension in the air around the tower. For the last week and a bit you had been training almost non-stop with Loki trying to learn how to cast and hold an illusion; it was the hardest magic you had attempted yet and you’d only mastered it two days ago. You and Loki had had some pretty intense arguments during the first couple of days; you hadn’t been able to change even your hair colour for three whole days, but once you’d overcome that hurdle things had gone much better, mainly due to the fact that you were actually making progress each day. Annoyingly, arguing with him had only magnified your feelings for him by tenfold, and this had made you even more frustrated, which led to more arguing, and thus you were stuck in a vicious cycle.

If only you knew that he was stuck in the exact same cycle as you were.

Between training with Loki you’d had to find time to train with Nat, who for the last week had been training you in stilettos in preparation for the party ‘and who knows what else.’ You’d been walking around in those stupid shoes all week to try and get used to them, and were outraged when you discovered you still weren’t nearly as tall as Loki with them on. At the start of the week you’d looked like a new-born giraffe walking around in them, but with Nat’s insistence that you wear them every day with insoles and your persistence, yesterday you’d even admitted that they were actually quite comfortable. Nat had told everyone that she could now die happy because she’d completed a seemingly impossible goal.

“Now you’ll never have trouble wearing them again.” she had told you triumphantly.

On top of this, you’d had to research this Penelope girl you were imitating in order to ensure that you acted and sounded just like her so as not to raise too much suspicion. Her excessive British accent which you had been practicing had been the cause of much amusement during the last week. You were quite good at it if you said so yourself.

Today however, there was no joking around, everything was deadly serious. Breakfast had been a sordid affair, no one had talked much and you were unsure whether Loki had actually spoken all morning. His mind remained as shut off as ever, and you’d decided to return the favour so that now you couldn’t communicate with each other at all without talking. He hadn’t brought it up. It felt weird.

It was now mid-afternoon and Tony had decided to call the seventh meeting about this mission since last week; you all gathered in his lab to go over the plan yet again; you sat on a work surface again and tried not to overthink the situation when Loki joined you. It didn’t go well. You were rather preoccupied during the first five minutes of Tony’s speech, mainly due to the fact that Loki’s hand was resting about two inches away from your thigh on the table. It was only when you heard your name that you re-joined the meeting and engaged with Tony’s speech (which you had heard numerous times before anyway).

The plan was this: you, Loki, Bucky, Clint and Nat (who had been outraged when Tony suggested her not going) would go to the party in disguise (Nat had seen to it that your fake identities had make their way on to the guest list). Once inside, you would find Penelope and ‘make sure that she was out of the way’ as Tony had so deftly put it, and then you would cast your illusion to make yourself an exact copy of her. After that it was up to you to get Ricci drunk and lure him out the back of the mansion by the pool where the Tony, Steve, Bruce and Thor would be waiting nearby, and get him to the jet without a struggle. Loki, Bucky, Clint and Nat were essentially there for if anything went horribly wrong, which it inevitably would. There would be armed security there and CCTV cameras surrounded the mansion, it would be a miracle if you weren’t caught. But hopefully by the time they’d worked out what was happening you’d have Ricci and be out of there. There had been numerous arguments about whether you should even be attempting this with you in such a dangerous position, but with your consistent nailing down of your belief that you could get yourself out of any bad situation you might get into with your magic you’d finally won everyone over. Well, almost everyone… Loki still wasn’t thrilled about the idea. You had a feeling that that wasn’t going to change.

Thankfully the meeting only lasted half an hour, by which time it was just after 3pm: five hours until you were scheduled to leave for Connecticut. Despite being glad that the meeting was over relatively quickly, you were now facing five hours of nervous anticipation which you were not looking forward to in the slightest.

“Do you want to go and practice the illusion? Last chance before tonight.” Loki asked you as you left the room. You wondered, not for the first time, if you were really successfully blocking him from reading your mind at all.

“Yeah, sure.” you said gratefully, and followed him to the training rooms.

“How are you feeling about it?” he asked, as you entered the training room and thankfully kicked off the stilettos, no longer being under Nat’s watchful eye.

“Tonight? Okay I guess, kinda nervous.” you replied, trying to not show your surprise at his question as he nodded. He didn’t often ask you how you felt.

“Right, show me Penelope.” he said, gesturing for you to cast the illusion. You closed your eyes and concentrated, picturing the woman’s face and shape best you could as you cast the illusion. In theory it would be easier when you had her in front of you to use as a guide; for now you were just going off of pictures of her. When you were convinced you’d done a good enough job, you opened your eyes to gauge how well you’d done from Loki’s expression. He looked mildly impressed.

“Good job. Of course Ricci and this girl will be drunk by the time we make the swap, so if you’re a bit off with appearance hopefully he won’t notice anyway.”

You prayed that that was true, who knew if you would even be able to hold this illusion as long as you needed to, let alone get it right in the first place.

“Just a small observation… I’m pretty sure Penelope’s eyes aren’t purple? Or they weren’t in the picture I saw…” Loki said, a small smile playing across his features.

“I can’t help it.” you huffed, concentrating harder to try and cover your eyes with the illusion. Nothing changed, apart from a blinding pain shooting through your right temple.

“Ow…”

“Okay, sit down.” Loki instructed, standing up and conjuring a chair for you to sit in, pushing you into it gently.

“What am I supposed to do when that happens tonight?” you said bitterly, massaging your head.

“It won’t happen tonight, and like I said, everyone is going to be too drunk to notice anything out of the ordinary.”

“Not the guards.”

He didn’t have an answer for that one.

“It will be fine.” he said firmly, but unconvincingly. You threw him a look.

“Why are your eyes purple?”

_You._

“Nerves.” you shrugged.

He didn’t respond. He didn’t believe you. You sat in silence for a while, until finally the pain in your head dissipated and you managed to turn your eyes the bright blue which matched the appearance of Penelope.

You looked at Loki triumphantly, who smiled at you as if to say: ‘I told you so.’ You held the illusion firmly in place as your face flared red, before realising that he hadn’t been smiling at you at all, but Penelope. A woman ten times prettier than you. That stupid feeling in your chest returned, and you internally cursed yourself for being so naïve.

“So, who are you going as?” you asked, determined to keep things normal between you and him.

“Good question.” he replied nonchalantly.

“You don’t know yet?” you asked in disbelief. You’d practiced the illusion of the woman you were getting into the party as (Louise something-or-other, you couldn’t remember her last name, Nat had made up the fake identities for you all last week) numerous times as well as Penelope, just to be safe.

“No, I’ll work it out tonight. It’s not likely to be a problem.” he said.

“Well, I hope whoever it is you’re being can communicate with me through his mind. That might make things quite a lot easier for the mission.” you remarked after a beat, not looking at him.

“I have my reasons for not letting you into my mind.” Loki responded after a moment, a hard edge to his voice. You wondered whether you’d pushed it too far.

“I can’t read your mind though, I only hear what you want me to hear. Same with me.” you probed, finally letting your illusion down and looking at him properly, forcing him to meet your gaze.

“You’re getting too good at reading minds… I don’t want you hearing anything you shouldn’t.”

“Like what?”

“If I told you that would completely defeat the object of me not letting you read my mind.”

“I’m just curious. Surely it can’t be that bad?” you asked, conscious that you were pushing your luck.

“Alright, let me into your mind and I’ll do that same.” Loki challenged.

“Point proven.” you muttered after a pause, with a reluctant smile.

“There are some things about me you’re just better off not knowing.” he told you.

_There’s nothing you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you._

“If you say so.” you shrugged.

“Come on, let’s do some actual training, it’ll pass the time. Get those shoes back on.” he said, pointing at your discarded stilettos on the floor.

“Shouldn’t I be preserving my energy?” you groaned, standing up and going over to pick your shoes up.

“You don’t need it, you can have a sleep before we leave if you really need to.” Loki told you, watching as you struggled into the shoes and holding out an arm for support as you straightened up, wobbling slightly. You held on to his arm for a second before you regained your balance and swiftly let go with a quick smile.

“Thanks.”

This couldn’t go on for much longer. You didn’t know how much more you could take.

…

You trained for about an hour and a half, maybe more; the time flew by as you had known it would. When you began to get tired you stopped, and now the idea of having a quick sleep before going on the mission tonight suddenly sounded very appealing. You conveyed this idea to Loki, who agreed that it might be a good idea.

Ten minutes later, you were showered and ready for a good sleep, which you had, and two hours later you were woken up by your alarm. 7pm: an hour until you had to leave. You pulled on some jeans and a loose top and made your way into the living area, which was relatively quiet, all things considered. Nat was… well, not Nat anymore. She had heavy make-up, a floor length dress and a wig on; you only knew it was her because you knew her face so well. The disguise was amazing. She was currently surrounded by a tonne of face paint and make up of all different skin tones, working on Bucky’s face to turn him into someone else; his hair pulled back into a bun which was to be hidden under a hat, while Clint looked on in trepidation. Loki was sat at the table looking over some files while Tony, Steve, Thor and Bruce were nowhere to be seen.

“You look amazing Nat.” you said, walking around to inspect Bucky’s face.

“Thanks, not all of us can just cast an illusion and look like someone completely different as easily as you.” she replied, concentrating hard.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘easy’.” you muttered, joining Loki at the table and realising that he was looking at his fake identity for tonight.

“Lewis Scott.” you read over his shoulder and scanned the picture of a man who was actually from Ohio.

“Mhmm.” was all the response you received. You retrieved your fake identity from the pile of files on the table: Louise Powell, that was her last name. She was a small, skinny thing, with dyed grey hair and bright green eyes – you were more confident with this illusion than Penelope, you didn’t have to get this one right down to a tee. You looked up at Loki but saw instead Lewis Scott, his brow slightly furrowed as he read through the rest of the file. If you squinted you could see Loki through the illusion, but not clearly, as if he were stood on the other side of translucent glass.

Pulling Penelope’s file towards you, you looked over it for what seemed like the hundredth time, pretty sure you had memorised everything on there. The plan included waiting until Ricci and his girlfriend were fairly drunk before the mission started going ahead, as it was be easier to distract them and get away with things if they were to go wrong. Convinced that you didn’t need to look over the files any more than you already had, you sat yourself next to Clint and watched the end of Bucky’s transformation into a rather scary looking man which didn’t look at all like himself (you supposed that was the object of the whole disguise idea), and then watched as Clint was transformed into someone completely different too. It took the best part of the next hour, and by the time it was done you were running late, as Tony kept reminding you all every four seconds.

Clint ran to get changed whilst the rest of you headed up to the jet which was reading to go on the roof, you and Loki in gear (and stilettos, in your case), Nat and Bucky in a dress and suit respectively, and Tony, Steve, Thor and Bruce were also in formal wear.

“Just in case.” Tony had said.

It had taken a while, but you had eventually convinced Loki to try on the gear Tony had supplied for him. You could tell he liked it, even if he wasn’t showing it.

You were also a fan.

Clint rushed into the jet, pulling his jacket on, at twenty past eight.

“Looks like we’re going to be fashionably late.” Bucky said, sitting down as the ramp closed and the jet immediately started to ascend.

“The flight barely takes ten minutes, you’ll be in there in twenty.” Tony said.

“Good, the sooner we’re in there the sooner we can get out again. With Ricci.” Nat commented.

That was true. You kept that thought in your head as you flew towards the mansion in Connecticut, from which you were about to kidnap a criminal mastermind disguised as his girlfriend.

Just your standard Saturday night.


	25. In which you infiltrate a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, another update in the daytime rather than in the dead of night, quarantine is making me act crazy! Can't believe this hit 3k hits last night thank you alll this is so exciting for me! <3 I've been writing a lot through lockdown so I'm less worried about not having enough chapters to post now hehe. Here's chapter twenty five, hope you enjoy! :))

“A drink ma’am?”

“Yes, thank you.”

You were in. Nat’s fake identities had passed the guest list test and got you past security, and subsequently you were now being offered a drink by an extremely fancy looking waiter, which you accepted eagerly.

“Don’t drink that. You need to be alert.” Loki, no: Lewis, muttered to you. You were hanging on to his arm tightly, trying not to look as nervous as you felt.

“It’s for the nerves.” you muttered back, before knocking back the whole glass in one and detaching your arm from his. If you were going to be alert you weren’t allowed to be distracted.

“Y/N, if you get drunk this whole mission is futile.”

“Stop it, I’m not getting drunk, I had one glass of champagne. And it’s Louise, not Y/N.”

‘Lewis’ rolled his eyes, and you smiled at the expression of annoyance which you had become so used to.

“Let’s split up, we need to scope this place out.” you heard Nat say through your earpiece (a tiny one, so that it was almost invisible unless you were looking for it), and Bucky and Clint agreed. It took half an hour to explore the mansion, and that was only the first and second floors, let alone the gardens, which housed two pools and a jacuzzi. The majority of the guests were now inside however, as it was dark, cold and had begun to rain outside, and as the front doors were closed with a resounding thud you couldn’t help but feel like you were being trapped.

“I’ve got eyes on Ricci and Penelope, they’re in the lobby.” Bucky said discreetly. The lobby was so huge that, although you were also in there, you could spot neither Bucky nor your two targets. Two identical and elaborate white marble staircases swept down from either side of the upper floor, which was open plan and visible from the bottom floor, and were currently swarmed by guests, all drinking and laughing. Finally you spotted Bucky on the upper floor, who nodded in the direction of Ricci and Penelope.

You finally spotted them near the bottom of the right staircases. It was odd seeing them for the first time in person when you’d spent almost two weeks studying them. You knew almost everything about them, right down to how they danced, because there would inevitably be dancing later on.

“I see them.” you said, wondering if Bucky could even hear you over Nat talking to a random guest and Tony and Thor discussing something from the jet, hidden half a mile away from the mansion. This earpiece technique wasn’t working out so well at a busy party.

Suddenly, you had the weirdest sensation in your head, like someone was pressing softly against the back of your skull. You raised your hand to your head in confusion, before realising what was happening. Mentally bracing yourself, you took the wall down from around your mind and heard Loki’s voice in your head for the first time in two weeks.

_It’s just for tonight, don’t make a fuss about it. Where are you?_

_In the lobby with Buck. Why don’t you just use your earpiece? I’ll hear you on there._

_There’s too much going on there, it’s easier like this._

Maybe for him, but now you had to concentrate on keeping your mind half shut off while also holding up an illusion and kidnapping a criminal mastermind. You weren’t sure if you were up to this. Of course, you could always completely let your guard down around your mind and trust Loki not to go prying, but you didn’t want to risk it. You also weren’t sure if you trusted yourself not to think something so audibly that he accidentally heard something you didn’t want him to.

_Okay._

This was so, entirely not okay.

For the next hour or so it was a waiting game, and you watched alongside the others as Ricci and Penelope got more and more drunk, and more and more affectionate, you noted with displeasure. Ricci could hardly keep his hands off of Penelope, and you were not looking forward to being in her shoes. And not just because she was wearing stilettos similar to the ones you’d been wearing all week.

Finally, Penelope whispered something in Ricci’s ear and made her way painstakingly slowly away from him and up the stairs, stopping at least every three steps to talk to someone, swaying dangerously in her heels as she laughed and hugged people along the way.

_Follow her._

You could see Loki as Lewis standing metres away from Penelope as she crossed the landing to get to wherever it was she was going, and you walked as swiftly as possible up the stairs after her without making it look suspicious. She went down one of the many corridors which branched off from the landing and disappeared from your sight; you looked at Loki for reassurance.

_Go, I’m right behind you._

You were shaking slightly as you followed Penelope down the corridor. You’d been over this so many times you couldn’t quite believe it was happening for real.

“Hey, excuse me?” you called after her, running awkwardly to catch up with her. Penelope turned around in surprise and smiled politely as you approached her.

“Can I help you?” she asked in that clipped English accent.

“Well, I’m actually having a bit of trouble… I was wondering if you have any, erm, sanitary products you’d be willing to give up? I wasn’t expecting…”

Penelope held up a perfectly manicured hand to stop you talking.

“Say no more hun, come with me.”

“Thank you so much, you’re a life saver.” you told her, only half faking your relieved tone.

“Nice work Y/N.” you heard Tony say, right as Loki informed you that he was right next to you, invisible, though your mind, and simultaneously Penelope began talking to you.

Your brain struggled to comprehend what was going on for a few seconds, and you smiled at Penelope as you walked alongside her, hoping that the conversation wouldn’t require you to talk. Her words were slightly slurred, you noticed. That was good, she was less likely to remember what was about to happen to her. You almost felt bad as she held open a door which presumably led to her bedroom and gestured for you to enter with a friendly smile. You hesitated for a fraction of a second before entering, allowing Loki to invisibly slip through the door ahead of you.

The bedroom was huge, and she directed you to a door on the other side of the room which obviously led to an en-suite.

“You should find what you need in there, but be quick, I’m bursting for a wee!” Penelope said. And then she collapsed.

Loki reappeared behind her and caught her as she fell, picking her up and placing her on the massive bed which dominated the room.

“I feel bad.” you told him, fighting down the ridiculous surge of jealousy you had just experienced.

“We don’t have time for feeling bad, there was CCTV in the corridor outside and if you’re in here for too long it’ll look suspicious.” Loki replied, looking at you expectantly. Apparently he had no problem with knocking someone out and wiping their memories, although, you reminded yourself, he’d probably done a lot worse.

You moved around the bed to look at Penelope properly for the first time. She was exceptionally pretty, and you had to push down some more jealous feelings towards her before you took a deep breath and performed the illusion.

“How’s that?” you asked Loki when you were done, who was watching you with a glazed look on his face. Snapping out of it, he looked down at Penelope then back at you.

“She has more make up on than that, and the hair is a shade too light.”

You made changes accordingly, and then looked back to him for approval. After a few more adjustments to the dress and hands, you were ready to go.

“Come on guys, you’ve been gone ages. Ricci will get suspicious if you’re much longer.” Nat said through your earpiece.

“Almost done.” you replied, and then reached up and took your earpiece out. Loki saw this and smiled.

_Is that a good idea?_

_It’s getting annoying, I can’t keep up with you in my head, and them in my ear and other people talking around me._

_How will you know what’s going on?_

_You’ve got your earpiece in, right?_

_I see, I’ll be your correspondent shall I?_

You nodded at him, grinning, before realising Loki’s silence probably sounded odd to the others.

“Will she stay asleep?” you asked Loki, moving towards the door.

“Until I let her wake up, yes.” he replied, stopping you with a cool hand on your arm before you opened the door.

“What?”

He looked as though he was internally wrestling with himself, opening his mouth and closing it again twice before finally speaking.

“There’s CCTV outside. It’ll look pretty suspicious if Louise and Penelope walk in and then Penelope comes out with a random man.” he said, transforming into Louise in front of your eyes. He made it look so easy.

“Hah. I’m taller than you.” you smirked.

_Get going._

Why hadn’t he answered you out loud? There was no time to dwell however, because as you left the room you saw that Ricci was walking down the corridor towards you. Shit.

“There you are babe, you’ve been gone ages! And who’s this?” Ricci asked, sliding an arm around your waist and looking inquisitively at Loki, disguised as Louise. You suddenly had the overwhelming urge to laugh, this was surely the weirdest situation you’d ever been in.

_I hate you._

Suddenly the situation was a lot less scary.

“This is Louise, I was just showing her around. Let’s head back downstairs, yeah?” you said, perfectly matching Penelope’s English accent and steering your ‘boyfriend’ back towards the party, attempting to get back to the safety of the crowd as quickly as possible.

“Sure, and oh, I found Smithy, there’s this other girl who he…” Ricci started talking about something meaningless as you headed back to the lobby, and you chanced a glance over your shoulder. Loki was gone, probably somewhere out of sight of the CCTV to transform back into Lewis.

You spotted Nat on the other side of the landing as you emerged from the corridor, who pulled a face at you and mouthed ‘sorry’, nodding at Ricci. It would have been nice to have some warning about his whereabouts, but it was pretty busy and her, Buck and Clint were trying to blend in.

As you walked down the staircase with Ricci, you were overcome by a sudden wave of anxiety. You felt as though you were in a dream, and not a good one.

_Loki?_

_What?_

_Where are you?_

_On the landing, I can see you._

You looked up briefly and saw him as Lewis again, observing the scene below with a haughty air. It was reassuring to know he was there, and you could see Nat too, watching you.

_Stay where I can see you._

_Why?_

_Just in case._

_Just in case what?_

_Just… please Loki._

You didn’t care that it sounded needy and pathetic, you were worryingly close to panicking.

_As if I was going to let you out of my sight anyway. You know I wasn’t happy about this plan from the start._

Your heart performed a small backflip. You had known alright, you’d thought of little else for two weeks. Ricci was leading you towards a large group of people who you would evidently be expected to talk to, so you abruptly finished your conversation with Loki.

_Thank you._

Now it was time to test your knowledge about Penelope.

“Are you okay? You’re kind of quiet.” Ricci informed you in his thick Italian accent, stopping you before you reached the noisy group of people and looking at you in concern.

“I’m alright Al.” you smiled, employing the nickname Penelope used for Ricci to throw him off the scent. It seemed to work.

“If you say so.” he said, kissing you on the forehead before leading you over to the group. You prayed that that would be the extent of kissing you would have to do, before plastering on a huge smile as you were introduced to a load of new people. Thankfully you found a drink in your hand, and one in Ricci’s too. That was helpful.

You ignored Loki’s protests as you necked another drink and smiled at the cheers it provoked from the crowd of people around you.

It was for the nerves.


	26. In which you ruin a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... I'll apologise in advance for this chapter ;) Make of that what you will... here's chapter twenty six! <3

An hour later, you were feeling a lot better. Granted, you’d probably had a few more drinks than was sensible in your position, but you were doing fine so far. You’d been dancing in the next room across from the lobby which had basically been turned into a nightclub for about an hour, maybe more and despite the fact that you were technically on a serious mission, you were having a great time. You weren’t having any trouble keeping up the illusion, your stilettos had been discarded long ago and you were feeling fine. In fact, you were feeling great.

Mid-song, you spotted Nat over at the bar, who discreetly nodded for you to join her, and you reluctantly departed from the dancing crowd to see what she wanted.

“I don’t suppose you can hear us with that racket going on?” she asked, tapping her earpiece.

“No, sorry, did you want me?” you replied, deciding not to mention that you’d taken your earpiece out earlier.

“Yeah, how drunk is Ricci? Can you get him out the back without raising suspicion or should we give him a few more shots?”

“Uh, I reckon he’s pretty far gone already, but a few more shots wouldn’t hurt.” you suggested, looking over to Ricci who was currently dancing with another girl.

“Right.” Nat said, gesturing to the bartender for a round of shots.

“Take some of these to him, and find me again when you reckon it’s time. Do you know how you’re gonna get him out back?”

“I’ll just say I need to show him something.” you shrugged, picking up the shots and going to drink one yourself, but Nat put her hand over the top of the glass.

“You’ve had too much already, we can’t risk it Y/N.”

“You’re right. Okay, I’ll take these to him, stay here so I can find you in a bit.” you said to her, before making your way through the dancing crowd back to Ricci with the shots.

“Babe!” you yelled, trying to attract his attention away from the brunette he was currently dancing with.

“Oh hey! Are these for me? Legend!” Ricci yelled, downing all four shots one after the other and handing you back the empty glasses before turning away again.

“He seems like a good boyfriend.” Nat observed, as you made your way back over to her and dumped the empty glasses back on the bar.

“I feel bad for Penelope, she seemed really nice.”

“Before you knocked her out?”

“That was Loki, not me.”

You tried to sit down next to Nat but she shook her head and turned your shoulders back towards the dancefloor.

“It’ll look suspicious if you’re not out there having a good time. Go find some men to dance with, try and win Ricci’s attention back.”

You scowled, knowing she was right, and headed back on to the dancefloor. You had no trouble finding some men to dance with, or rather, Penelope had no trouble. You wondered what it was like to have men constantly looking at you like they looked at Penelope – must be nice. After about ten more minutes of dancing and looking pretty, you felt a possessive arm slide around your waist and reluctantly turned to find yourself pressed right up against Ricci, who incidentally smelt strongly of vodka and whose eyes were bloodshot.

“What do you think you’re doing dancing with these guys, hm?” he muttered in your ear, and you instinctively felt annoyed for Penelope.

“What were you doing dancing with that brunette just now, hm?” you replied, mimicking his tone and hoping you hadn’t pushed it too far. Luckily, it didn’t seem like you had.

“She was just a friend.”

“Then these guys are just my friends.” you smiled, and he chuckled in your ear. You were starting to feel vaguely sick; you needed to get out of here. Turning your head to see if Nat was still around, you were relieved to see that she wasn’t, having obviously pre-empted what was about to happen when Ricci had approached you.

“Listen, there’s something I want to show you. Will you follow me?” you asked Ricci, and he smirked at you through half glazed eyes.

“Anything for you gorgeous.”

Fighting the almost overwhelming urge to run, you led him through the crowds and to the nearest doorway, which was currently being blocked by two burly looking security guards.

“Let us through boys, will you?” Ricci shouted over the music.

_Don’t go through there, they won’t let anyone else through and we won’t be able to follow you if something goes wrong._

Oops. You’d almost forgotten about Loki.

“No can do I’m afraid sir.” one of the guards replied, and a look of utter indignance crossed Ricci’s features.

“Do you know who you’re talking to? This is my party and my house and if I want to go through a door I-” he trailed off as he realised the security guards weren’t going to budge.

“Why can’t we go through then?” Ricci asked.

You had read the guard’s mind before he had a chance to reply. Your heart dropped.

_Loki, they know._

_I know, Stark and the others are on their way now. We need to move quickly._

_What are we going to do?_

_I’m waiting for someone to come up with a plan. Nothing much is happening._

_You need to change your illusion, they saw you on the CCTV._

No reply.

“Come on babe, we’ll get round another way.” Ricci slurred, tugging you away from the guards and back across the dancefloor.

_Loki?_

_You need to get Ricci outside, I’ll distract the security guards by that door and then you run with him through those doors outside, understand?_

_Wait a minute, how will you-_

_Dance with him, now._

You had to trust him. Grabbing Ricci’s arm, you swung him back on to the dancefloor and started dancing again, praying that he was too drunk to notice that his girlfriend was acting extremely suspiciously. Luckily he just went along with it, pulling you close to him while you watched with your heart in your mouth as Loki walked casually over towards the guards.

You heard their thought process as they were told over their earpieces that they should follow him, and they moved away from their posts on the door to advance towards him. Loki looked at you pointedly before pretending to notice the guards for the first time and turned around swiftly, walking back through the crowd of dancing people. One of the guards quickened their pace to follow after him, but the other had stopped and was staring at you.

You heard the message through their earpieces as clearly as if you’d heard it in your own ear.

“We’ve just found Penelope Whittaker unconscious in her room, whoever that is with Ricci, it’s not her.”

_Run._

“Quick, the security guards are gone!” you yelled at Ricci, yanking him towards the now unguarded door. You thanked god that you weren’t still wearing your heels as you reached the door, only to find it was locked. You were going to have to use your magic, despite the fact that Ricci was right next to you and there were people all around, the closest being only about two metres away. Turning your back, you concentrated on the lock, managing to keep your mist mostly under the illusion as you unlocked the door successfully.

“Wow, how did you do that?!” Ricci exclaimed, before stopping short as the sound of a gunshot, unmistakeably loud over the music, echoed through the room. There was a split second of silence as the music stopped before chaos erupted. People were screaming and yelling and started stampeding towards the front doors. Why had the idiots started shooting? Had someone been shot?

_Loki?_

_Get Ricci out of here!_

Suddenly Clint was with you, dragging Ricci away from the chaos and down the corridor behind the door you had just unlocked.

“They’re outside, quick…”

“They went that way!” you heard a yell from behind you, and then there was another gunshot.

But this time it was different. It felt like an iron fist had clenched around your heart, and suddenly you couldn’t draw a breath. You stumbled to a halt, barely registering Clint yelling at you and Ricci starting to put up a fight, realising something was wrong. Then Nat was bolting towards you out of the crowd, taking out a few guards as she did so and grabbing your arm as she passed you to try and drag you along after Clint and Ricci.

“Y/N, what are you doing?!”

“Loki.”

“Loki? He’s gone the other way…”

“No.”

You were shaking, your heartbeat loud in your ears as you stumbled forward, pushing a few stragglers out of your way, looking for Loki, praying…

Loki wasn’t Lewis anymore, he was himself again, but he wasn’t the Loki you were used to. The Loki you knew didn’t make a habit of lying on the floor. Nor was he usually white as a sheet and covered in blood. His hands were pressed tightly over the right-hand side of his stomach and his breathing was shallow, jaw clenched tightly as though in concentration.

You were on your knees beside him in seconds, unaware of the fact that Nat was yelling your name and trying to pull you away, or that there were guards running in from the other side of the room through the masses of scared guests all trying to get out of a locked door. Pressing your shaking hands over his, you tried in vain to remember what it was you were meant to do in this situation, but your mind was blank.

“Loki…”

His eyes flew open, with a horrified look when he realised that you were still here.

“What are you doing? Go, get out.” he said through gritted teeth.

“I’m not leaving you. You need to get up.” you told him firmly, but his eyes were already half closing again. You tried to talk with him through your mind, but there was nothing, his mind was cloudy with pain and you couldn’t hear anything.

“Loki, get up.” you said fiercely, getting angry now and borderline panicking as the guards closed in on you, knowing that if he wasn’t already trying to move, you couldn’t make him.

“Y/N, let’s go! He’ll be fine.”

“He’s _dying_!” you shouted at Nat, feeling tears well up in your eyes. You were so incredibly useless, why weren’t you doing something heroic to save him? You were an Avenger now, you were meant to know what to do in these situations…

“Y/N listen to me. I can get myself out of here, but not both of us. You have to leave while you still can.” Loki said, his voice hoarse.

“Promise you’ll be okay.”

The childish request had fallen from your lips before you could do anything to stop it from happening. You were so scared you even forgot to be embarrassed, especially when he actually smiled at you (or it might have been a grimace of pain) and moved one of his hands to squeeze yours.

“Promise.” he breathed, even managing half of an eye roll.

“Y/N!” Nat was struggling to hold back the guards by herself. You had to believe him. Bracing yourself, you detached yourself from Loki and left him lying on the floor covered in his own blood, ignoring every fibre of your being which was screaming at you to go back and help him. You channelled this emotion into a powerful blast of magic which sent at least ten guards flying backwards into the wall, and then you and Nat were sprinting down the corridor and bursting out of the end door into the pouring rain, where the Quinjet was getting ready for take-off. Only then did you realise how warm it had been inside; you were freezing almost instantly.

It looked like they had had to sedate Ricci, and Thor was helping to lift his unconscious form up the back of the ramp as you and Nat arrived, breathing hard and soaked to the skin. Bucky was thankfully already safe in the jet, which gave you no reason to hang around any longer. Nat started up the ramp into the jet, and then seeing that you had turned around and weren’t moving, walked back down again, grabbed your arm and pulled you into the dry, warm interior of the jet.

“Are we all here?” Tony asked, scanning your faces to make sure everyone was there before he closed the ramp.

“Where’s Loki, Y/N?” Steve asked you in concern.

You tried to speak, but your throat seemed to close up and all that came out was an odd choking noise.

Thor was staring at you, and then he dumped Ricci unceremoniously on one of the seats and came to your side, leading you to sit down. 

“We can’t leave without him… can we?” you heard Bruce saying quietly to Tony; you looked up at them hopefully.

Suddenly a bunch of guards tumbled out of the door of the mansion and Tony swore from the cockpit, slamming some levers and buttons, and then you were in the air, the ramp was closing, and you were flying away.

“Wait, let’s talk about this. Y/N, what happened?”

“I- don’t know. He got shot.” you replied, looking anywhere but your hands, which were stained with blood.

Tony bought the jet to a stop a while away from the mansion, bringing it to a hover and joining the conversation.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Weren’t you there?” he asked you.

“No, she was with me.” Clint replied.

“It’s impossible. Loki wouldn’t be stupid enough to get himself shot.” Thor was saying in disbelief.

“He was literally a distraction for our plan, it’s not unbelievable…”

“Yes but he knew he was bait, he would’ve been expecting it.”

“He wouldn’t have been expecting guns, none of us were.”

“He can read people’s minds, he would have known about it.” Thor said firmly.

You had tuned out, guilt rising in your throat as you thought about what had just happened. You should have stayed with him. He could be dying, and you were all sat here having a chat about whether he’d deliberately got himself shot or not. Suddenly, a very loud thought of Bucky’s drifted across your mind. You hadn’t meant to hear it, you really hadn’t, but you did, and your head snapped up to stare at him across the jet. He saw you staring, and looked back at you in shock.

“Did you just read my mind?” he protested.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” you apologised, still staring at him in disbelief.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, looking between the two of you.

Bucky sighed.

“I don’t think it was an accident that Loki got shot. The security guard was aiming for Y/N, down the corridor, or it might have been you Clint, I don’t know. The guard after Loki wasn’t even using his gun.”

A very loud silence ensued.

You felt ill. It should have been you. He’d saved you and you’d left him.

If he died, it would be all your fault.


	27. In which Thor tells you a story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo my lovelies, here is the highly anticipated chapter twenty seven! Thank you for being patient and for all the love I've received for this story, you're making lock down that little bit easier for me :)) Enjoy (and sorry about getting Loki shot hehe) <3

“So you’re saying he deliberately got himself shot.” Steve was saying.

“That’s what it looked like, but that’s only what I saw.” Bucky shrugged.

“That settles it then. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t think he’d be okay.” Tony said.

“Jumping in front of a bullet isn’t exactly a thought-out decision is it though, he…” Nat stopped talking as Tony threw her a glare, which you didn’t miss.

“We have to go back.” you said hoarsely, looking to Tony for confirmation. You didn’t get any.

This only reinforced your belief that you should’ve stayed in there with Loki. You knew that the team, or at least Tony, would go back for you in a heartbeat; you wouldn’t even have been left behind in the first place.

“How are we going to get him out Y/N? How are we even going to get back in?”

You fought to come up with an idea, anything, but it didn’t happen.

“We have to go, we need to get Ricci to SHIELD.” Tony reasoned with you, gesturing at the unconscious man slumped across two seats.

“He’ll be alright. He’s been through much worse.” Thor told you, as if that was meant to make you feel better. You’d left him, after he’d been shot, surrounded by guards who wanted to capture him. You felt sick as Tony returned to the cockpit and the jet started back towards New York.

It was five minutes or so later that you realised that you had dropped your illusion. When had that happened? Not that it mattered. You’d failed in all aspects of the stupid mission. If not for Clint and Nat, Ricci would have got away and you’d probably be stuck back at the mansion with Loki. You should have let them catch you, at least then you’d know if Loki was okay…

He would be okay. He would.

“He’ll be fine.” Thor was saying, for the tenth time in the last minute.

“We can’t know that, can we.” you replied bitterly, finally having enough.

“…I think we can.” Thor said, surprising you.

“How?”

“How did you know Loki had been shot, even though you didn’t see it happen?”

You hadn’t thought about that yet: the metal fist which had so definitely clenched around your heart when he’d been shot and the fact that you irrevocably knew what had happened, even though you had no reason to.

“I just… it felt…” you struggled to find the words, bringing your hand to your chest and clenching your fist to try and demonstrate.

Thor was nodding thoughtfully.

“On Asgard, there’s a well-known old wives’ tale. It’s about soulmates.” he said, somewhat tentatively.

You stared at him.

“Soulmates? That’s not a real thing, it’s just superstition.”

“That’s what Loki said too.”

“You talked to him about this? What did you say?” you asked quickly, feeling embarrassment rise at the thought of Thor suggesting to Loki that the two of you might be _soulmates_. It was a ridiculous notion.

“I only mentioned the fact that legend says soulmates can read each other’s minds. And now this, you felt it when he was hurt. The tale says…”

“Will you stop. It’s not a thing.” you snapped. Thor fell silent.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… he’s - he might be in trouble, and you’re sat here talking about old wives’ tales.” you said, a few seconds later.

“I’m sorry. All I meant was that I think we would know if something was seriously wrong.” Thor replied, squeezing your shoulder.

You were ninety-nine percent certain that soulmates didn’t exist, but you’d felt something when Loki was shot; you’d _known_ he wasn’t okay. The thought that you might know if something awful had happened (you didn’t want to think about it) reassured you a tiny bit, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

By the time you arrived back at the tower it was past midnight, and everyone was visibly tired.

SHIELD agents were waiting for you on the roof with a helicopter, and they moved Ricci from the Quinjet into their helicopter without so much as a word to any of you. You were too preoccupied to care.

You trudged to the elevator after everyone else and when you got to your floor you made a beeline for the kitchen sink, scrubbing your hands until they were raw to get every last trace of blood off of them. Then you sat on the sofa.

“Y/N, I’m only going to tell you this once. Go to bed. You’re tired, and sitting here worrying isn’t going to change a thing and you know it.” Tony implored, sitting down next to you on the sofa.

“You’re one to talk. When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” you asked.

“She has a point.” Nat agreed, entering the room alongside Steve.

“Okay, I feel like we’re missing the point here.” Tony said.

“I’m fine here.” you said, forcing a smile.

Tony opened his mouth to argue, but before he could say anything Nat started talking about something completely unrelated. You loved her for it.

After a while the whole team had joined you in the living room, every single one of them completely shattered.

“Guys, go to bed.”

“Y/N, go to bed.” Tony mimicked you, and you almost laughed.

“Fine, maybe I will.” you countered. Clint looked up hopefully.

“You heard the lady, let’s go.” he said, half standing up before getting yanked back into his seat by Nat.

“Maybe you will? Or maybe you’re just saying that to get us to leave.” Tony said to you.

From the armchair by the fire, Thor started snoring loudly.

“There, now I won’t be alone.” you stated, looking around the room expectantly.

About six minutes later, Clint left, closely followed by Bruce and Steve, and then a few minutes later Bucky, who gave you a hug on his way out which almost made you cry.

“I’m sorry doll.”

Nat went next, an impressive fifteen minutes later, until only Tony remained, aside from Thor who was still snoring loudly from his armchair.

“I’m not going to say he’ll be fine, I’ll just say that he probably will be.” he told you with a hint of a smile, and you nodded, not knowing what to say.

“Try and sleep.” he said, finally standing up and walking to the doorway, where he turned around and looked at you sadly.

“Night kid.” Tony said, flicking the lights off and leaving you with only the lights of the city coming through the wall to ceiling windows.

“Night Tony.”

You were so tired. But you were also so worried that you still felt sick, and it was purely this which had been stopping you from passing out before now. You’d carried off some insanely difficult magic tonight, and it had drained you both physically and emotionally. But you couldn’t fall asleep, you were far too preoccupied. Besides, Thor was snoring loud enough to keep you awake no matter how tired you were.

But it wouldn’t hurt to shut your eyes. Just for a minute…

…

_Loki’s POV_

It was getting light by the time he made it back to the tower.

Loki constantly found himself wondering why he was voluntarily going back there, when just a few months ago he would’ve done anything to get away. But he had nowhere else to go… and you were there. He hadn’t stopped thinking about you since last night, in fact he was struggling to remember the last time he _hadn’t_ been thinking about you. For the last few hours though, he’d been specifically thinking about the moments after he’d been shot: your small hands covering his, the raw and palpable fear in your eyes when you looked at him, your desire to know that he was going to be okay before you left him. And you had left him, but that was okay, because in that moment he had cared more about you getting to safety than himself. A point he had proven to himself when he’d thrown himself at that idiotic man who had been about to shoot you. The fear he had felt when he’d realised what was about to happen had been unprecedented, never in his entire life had he experienced anything like it.

And that was saying something.

He hadn’t meant to get himself shot however, and for a moment he hadn’t been certain he would be able to make it out. But then he’d promised you. So he had.

Right now he was stood outside the Avengers Tower trying to look nonchalant (and failing miserably, he had already attracted some odd looks from passers-by), and trying to summon the energy to teleport up fifty-two floors as the first light of the day started to softly illuminate the buildings surrounding him. He doubted he would be allowed to walk in looking like he did and just go on up in the elevator, Fury would be notified, and that wouldn’t be good news for his freedom. But he also wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to pull this off. He knew he had lost a lot of blood, and he’d pushed his magic to the limit trying to teleport out of that mansion and then from there back to New York. He had no idea how he’d managed it, just that he had, and now all that was left to do was get up fifty-two floors. To you. If you were even up there. You might not be up there, and you might not be okay. He hadn’t been sure that you or the others had even made it back safely, and he couldn’t hear you, which meant you were either not up there, or asleep. He wanted nothing more than to get up there and make sure you were okay. Almost dying last night had changed his perspective on things pretty drastically; the thought of dying without ever getting to tell you how he felt, or getting to hold you in his arms, or experience how it might feel to kiss you… that wasn’t a prospect he wanted to face.

This time yesterday the thought of you knowing how he felt towards you would have mortified him, but now that was all he wanted. He wanted you to know. Even if… he was what he was. He would have to tell you about his heritage too. That was the scariest part. But that wasn’t his biggest problem right at this moment.

Praying that you were asleep, Loki closed his eyes and readied himself for one last effort, reminding himself of the promise he had made you.

He wasn’t planning on breaking it.

…

_Your POV_

When you woke up, at first you thought you were still dreaming.

Half-asleep and disorientated from having not woken up in your bedroom, it took you a moment to work out where you were, taking in your surroundings in confusion for a moment. Then you spotted Thor, still sleeping in the armchair, and slowly remembered the events of last night. Your chest became very tight; you wished you could return to your worry-free dreams. But now you were awake.

When you saw Loki slumped against the wall, half hidden by the edge of a sofa on the other side of the room, it took you at least four times as long to react as you normally would have. Firstly you wondered if you were just imagining him, he physically couldn’t be here… but then you remembered: it was Loki. Who happened to be a god.

Secondly it occurred to you that he appeared to be dead.

That woke you up.

You practically fell off of the sofa in your haste to get to his side, shouting at Thor to wake up as you did so. Kneeling beside Loki’s lifeless form you grabbed his arm and felt his wrist desperately for a pulse, unable to find one. His arm was ice cold. Did gods even have pulses? Were you doing it right?

Thor hadn’t moved. You yelled his name again furiously and threw a pillow at him; finally he stirred.

Was Loki always this cold? You knew his average body temperature was way lower than normal, he was a Frost Giant after all, but his skin literally felt like ice. Surely that wasn’t normal.

You said his name. Then again, louder, wondering as you did so what the point was, he couldn’t hear you… but then his eyelids twitched, and his head moved a fraction of a centimetre, and a tidal wave of relief crashed over you. He was alive.

“He needs the medical ward.” Thor croaked from behind you, and you nodded mutely, searching Loki’s face for more signs of life as Thor asked JARVIS to wake Bruce up and ask him to get to the ward, ASAP.

_Y/N._

You barely heard it, it was so quiet, but it was there.

_I’m here. I’m here._

_You’re okay._

You laughed out loud at that, but it sounded more like a strangled sob. Here he was, half dead on the floor after you’d abandoned him while he was injured, and he was relieved that _you_ were okay.

_I’m so sorry._

He didn’t reply to that. He was either too tired to think or he hadn’t accepted your apology.

Thor had to carry him to the medical ward; the fact that Loki didn’t put up a fight showed just how injured he was. Bruce was already there when you arrived, hooking Loki up to machines and giving him injections the moment Thor deposited him on the bed, by which time he was already unconscious again. You found yourself wondering what you would do without Bruce.

“You guys can leave, this might take a while.” Bruce told you, carefully cutting open Loki’s suit to expose the gun wound underneath. The three of you froze as his entire torso was uncovered. There was so much blood, but apart from that, there was hardly an inch of skin which wasn’t scarred. They were everywhere, and by the looks of it they spread to the rest of his body too.

You looked away quickly, sympathy rising in your throat and threatening to suffocate you. What had _happened_ to him?

“Come on.” Thor said to you, his voice gruff, and led you out of the room to leave Loki in the very capable hands of Bruce Banner. You found yourself thinking how ironic it was that the same pair of hands had once done everything in their power to harm the very person they were now working to mend.

It was only half past seven in the morning. You knew that a long wait lay before you.


	28. In which you wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, chapter twenty eight is hereee, I can't believe I'm posting this already time is going sooo quickly at the moment! Anywayss, hope you enjoy this chapter, prepare to have your fluff-needs (partially) filled ;))

As you had suspected, the day _dragged._

First you got out of your gear and showered, climbing into some joggers and a hoodie afterwards and not bothering to dry your hair, which you shoved into a messy bun on top of your head. Then breakfast, which you were forced to eat by a very stubborn Nat. You found yourself obsessively looking at the clock, as if that was going to change anything. How had it only been forty minutes?

Thankfully there was a distraction a few minutes later as Tony arrived with news of the mission yesterday. Ricci was in his rightful place, Penelope was unharmed but understandably upset (as it turned out, she hadn’t known that her incredibly rich and good-looking boyfriend had been a criminal mastermind), and was planning on flying back to England imminently. No one else had been hurt at the party, just very confused and hungover. Overall it had gone as well as you could have hoped it would. Apart from Loki.

“As for Fury, it remains to be seen what he’ll make of Loki getting injured.” Tony said finally, directing this at you and Thor.

You hadn’t even thought about that. Would Fury be mad, or pleased at how Loki had acted to benefit the mission? What would happen as a result of the decision he would have to make?

You couldn’t deal with all of these what if’s, you just wanted to know if Loki was actually going to be okay before any of that. This was a question which would be answered about twenty-five minutes later when Bruce entered the room… and smiled at you.

“He’s fine. It’s incredible how fast he’s healing, I’ve only ever seen that rate of healing with Thor before. And you, with your leg Y/N.” he said, heading to the kitchen for some food.

“It’s because we’re Asgardian, we heal quickly.” Thor supplied helpfully.

“And gods.” you added, smiling for the first time since last night. Relief didn’t even begin to cover how you felt.

“That too.” Thor nodded.

“Well, he’s not consciously healing himself at the moment. He’s on a lot of drugs so he’ll be out for a few hours I expect.” Bruce continued. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed; you tried not to show it in your face.

“You’re a star Bruce. Thank you.” you told him, receiving a smile in return.

The day continued to drag; now you were waiting for Loki to wake up rather than news, and while you weren’t as tense you were still eager for him to wake up so you could talk to him. There was a lot to talk about. Mostly why he’d felt the need to take a bullet for you. Your heartrate sped up every time you thought about talking to him about it, but it wasn’t exactly a topic you could avoid. You’d just have to cross that bridge when you came to it.

An hour passed, then two. It wasn’t even midday yet. Tony offered to take you driving again, but you declined, wanting to be at the tower when Loki woke up. When Nat offered to do some training with you at about half twelve, you jumped at her offer; Steve’s protests (“We only just went on a mission yesterday!”) fell on deaf ears as you practically ran to get changed. Two hours later after a dedicated training session, you finally admitted to Nat that you should probably stop and have some lunch before you collapsed or starved to death. A quick shower and change of clothes later you were eating lunch with Nat and Bruce, and being reassured that it was perfectly normal that Loki hadn’t woken up yet.

Three o’clock. Then four. A familiar sense of worry had settled on your chest again. ‘A few hours’, that’s what Bruce had said. The others’ incessant reassurance was beginning to drive you slightly insane, so you retreated to your room to try and distract yourself. You read six pages of a book, then watched some Netflix, then rearranged your wardrobe and tidied your drawers. Five o’ clock came and went, and then you resorted to lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. What would you say to him when he woke up? You desperately wanted him to know how you felt, but actually having the guts to tell him… that was a different matter. But he’d almost _died_. And for you! What if he had really died, and you’d never told him? For the hundredth time, you gave yourself a reality check. He. Was. A. God. It was never going to happen, and the sooner you accepted that, the easier things would get.

But you loved him.

The thought thrilled you almost as much as it utterly terrified you. You were in love with him. It was so typical for you to have fallen for the one person who you could never have.

Don’t think about it.

You returned to the kitchen for food a while later, and tried to seem involved with the conversations that were circulating around the room between various people. After you’d eaten you helped to clear everything up, you then resigned yourself to sitting on the sofa in between Thor and Clint to watch TV. You wished that everything was normal, so that you could enjoy sitting in the company of your friends, who all seemed happy and relaxed.

After several hours of talking, watching and listening, it was almost half past ten. Slowly, everyone started drifting off to bed, and eventually you stood up too.

“Going to bed?” Tony asked, looking mildly surprised.

“Yeah, I’m tired from training earlier. I don’t fancy another night on the sofa, as comfy as they are.” you replied with a smile.

The guys left in the living room bid you goodnight as you left the room, and you gave them a tired wave. Once in your pyjamas and in bed, you tried not to think about anything and fall asleep quickly. You were especially not thinking about Loki. Not worrying, or pining, or thinking about him at all.

It took you almost forty minutes to finally fall asleep.

…

When you woke up again, it was still dark. You rolled over to look at your alarm clock: it was half past two in the morning. Why were you awake? You rolled back over and shut your eyes again, getting comfy and already feeling yourself falling back asleep.

_Y/N?_

Your eyes flew open again.

You didn’t even bother to get dressed, only stopping to grab a hoodie before running pyjama clad and half asleep through the dark, silent tower to get to the medical ward as fast as you could, the only audible sound your feet hitting the floor as you ran.

When you finally arrived, you thought you’d made a mistake: Loki looked like he was still asleep. Your heart sank almost as fast as it was beating. But then…

“Hey.”

You collapsed in the chair which he usually occupied next to the bed.

“Hey.” you whispered, scooting your chair a bit closer and pulling your knees up to your chin, removing your feet from the cold floor.

“Did I wake you up?” he asked, in a voice so quiet you had to strain to hear it.

“Yeah, it’s half two in the morning.” you told him, noticing as you spoke the end of a scar protruding from the neck of his gear, which Bruce had thankfully covered him back over with. He still wasn’t using magic. Good.

“Sorry. How long was I out for?”

“We… I, found you early yesterday morning, so almost a day.” you said.

“Found me?” he asked, his eyes still closed.

“You were out cold on the floor in the living room.”

At that he gave the smallest of smirks, exuding something like satisfaction.

“How did you get back? Connecticut is almost a hundred miles away from New York.” you asked in disbelief.

“That’s not so far for a god. Even if he has been shot and left to die.”

His words were like a punch in the stomach. Several, in fact.

“Loki I’m so sorry… I didn’t want to leave you.” you breathed, your throat suddenly very tight.

“I know that, I was only joking. You did the right thing.” he told you, a hint of a smile on his face.

There followed a very long silence, in which you were sure you were both thinking about the moments after he’d been shot. You’d spent so long thinking up things to say when he woke up, and now you couldn’t think of anything at all. You knew what you _wanted_ to say… but now didn’t seem like the best time. What would you say? ‘Yes I know I left you to die, sorry about that. By the way, I’m desperately in love with you.’ Definitely not.

The silence lasted for so long that you thought he might have fallen back asleep, and you were just considering returning to your room (your feet were getting really cold) when Loki spoke again.

“I got back because I told you I’d be alright. I keep my word.”

You looked at him, to find that he was looking at you too.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” you whispered, as if saying it quietly might disguise the genuine feeling behind it.

“It’s just a scratch.”

“You were _shot_.” you exclaimed, smiling when you saw he was smirking again, properly this time. He moved a hand to press gently against his wound, and you winced as he inhaled deeply, obviously in pain.

“It’s healing quickly, it should be pretty much gone by tomorrow.” he told you, before freezing as he caught sight of something on his hand. You were confused, before you realised that he was looking at a scar on his hand. One which he usually hid with an illusion, along with all of his other scars. He looked at you sharply, before visibly deflating when he saw the sympathy on your face.

“You saw.”

You nodded, thinking back to the masses of scars which you’d seen had covered almost every inch of his torso. He looked away swiftly.

“Why do you hide them?” you asked tentatively, after another long pause.

“Because they’re hideous.” he replied, with a scornful laugh, still avoiding looking at you.

“They’re not.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Yes, it is, because it’s the truth.” you told him, slightly more forcefully than you had intended.

More silence.

“What happened?” you asked tentatively, aware that you were crossing a line.

Loki looked at you.

“Sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” you backtracked swiftly.

“You know what happened. Thor told you about Thanos, didn’t he?” Loki said, still looking at you.

You nodded. You’d known Loki had been through some shit, but those scars represented more than just ‘some shit’. And now he would have another one, because of you.

“Don’t look at me like that.” he told you bluntly; you quickly tried to rearrange your features into a less sympathetic formation. When this failed, you just looked away instead.

“What happened to me was my own fault, I should have…”

“That’s not what Thor told me.” you interrupted.

“And what did Thor tell you?”

“Everything.”

Loki froze.

“Define ‘everything’.”

You were confused. Why did this matter?

“Well… everything.” you said, throwing him a confused look. He looked almost scared.

“He told me about the war between Jotunheim and Asgard, and how Odin found you and took you back to Asgard to…” you trailed off, unsure how to proceed.

“Use me?” Loki finished for you, a bitter undertone in his voice.

You didn’t reply, searching for an alternate way of putting it. And giving up.

“Thor told me…”

“Do you know what I am?”

The abruptness of his tone threw you off and you looked at him in surprise, blanching when you saw that he was almost glaring at you.

“…a Frost Giant?”

He was now staring at you as if you’d just announced that you enjoying killing puppies.

“You… how long have you known?”

“Thor told me ages ago, before you even got here. Why is it such a big deal?” you replied, borderline scared at the expression on his face.

“You don’t understand. I’m not human, I’m not even Asgardian, I don’t belong anywhere. I’m a… creature. A monster.”

After almost twelve weeks of him showing next to no emotion and not once even mentioning talking about his feelings, it was safe to say that you were thrown by this declaration of self-hatred.

You dropped your feet back down to the floor and leaned forward slightly, trying to find the words.

“You’re not a monster.”

“I am. I’ve killed so many people.”

“That doesn’t make you a monster.” you insisted, feeling your heart contract as Loki closed his eyes and shook his head. He looked like he was going to cry. You were all for expressing emotions, but you weren’t sure how to handle this; it was breaking your heart. What you wanted to do was throw yourself at him and shake him and tell him how stupid he was being and then hug him until he stopped talking nonsense… but you couldn’t.

“Everyone in this tower has killed people, apart from me, but that doesn’t make all them monsters, does it?”

“You make it sound so simple.” he said quietly.

For that you had no response. This time the silence stretched for so long that you started falling asleep, your head dropping to the side as your breathing became slower.

“Y/N, you’re shivering. Go back to bed.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re cold.”

“…a bit.” you conceded.

“Go to bed.”

You didn’t want to leave him down here on his own. He must have heard you think that, because then he was rolling his eyes at you and telling you to leave again. You could tell he didn’t really want you to. Looking around for inspiration, your eyes fell upon the blanket on one of the other beds, and you got up to get it, feeling Loki’s eyes on you as you walked back around the bed.

“There.” you said, sitting back down in the chair, this time with the blanket.

“Why are you so stubborn.” he asked. He was pleased you were staying. You could just tell all these little things about him. Thor’s story kept bouncing around in your head. Soulmates.

“Not stubborn. You slept in this chair for me; now it’s my turn.” you responded, already feeling sleepy again.

“…stubborn.” Loki repeated. Your eyes were shut.

“Not.”

“You are.”

“Am not.”

“You’re quite literally contradicting yourself by continuing to argue.”

You half laughed, almost asleep already. Now Loki was saying something else to you, but you couldn’t even try and stay awake, and tiredness won you over.


	29. In which you receive an invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you :( I'm having a pretty rough time at the moment as I got some really bad news a few days ago, and as a result I haven't really felt like writing much or been in a very proactive mood. Had I been more organised and written ahead far enough I might have been able to carry on updating at the same rate but as it is I'm going to have to start updating once a week instead of twice and see how that goes (just every Monday, not Thursday now). I'm sorry this has had to affect you guys as well as me! I'll definitely try and keep writing because I love it and don't want to let anything get in the way of that :) I just wanna say thank you to everyone who's leaving kudos and comments on this still, it's a real boost for me! Anyways I'll shut up now, here is chapter twenty nine, I hope you enjoy <3

Loki didn’t go back to sleep. He was too busy thinking.

You knew.

You had known from the very start what he was, and yet… it didn’t seem to bother you.

Perhaps it was sympathy. Or maybe you didn’t understand what it actually _meant_ to be a Frost Giant _._ You didn’t know that this wasn’t what he really looked like… or did you? How much had Thor told you? Did you know that he wasn’t even a proper Frost Giant, cast out because he couldn’t even be good at the one thing he actually was? He didn’t know whether to be furious or grateful that his brother had told you so much; if he hadn’t told you about it at the very start would things be different now?

It was getting light outside now; the clock on the wall read five past seven. You were still asleep in the chair, breathing evenly curled underneath the blanket you’d stolen from the other bed. Loki had been awake for just over five hours. He’d slept more in the past day than he had in the past year, not needing to sleep apart from to recharge his magic or when he was healing. In last night’s case he’d needed both, which is why he’d slept for so long. He was still healing, but he didn’t need any more sleep, just rest. He’d thought about using his magic to speed up the healing process, but knew that that wouldn’t be a good idea so soon after being badly injured. So he sat. And waited.

He’d had had a lot of time to think in the last five hours, listening to the sounds of the city. ‘The city that never sleeps’, that’s what you’d told him Midgardians called New York. He’d had enough sleepless nights since getting here to know that that was an apt title, there was never a moment of complete silence, even in the dead of night. This contrasted drastically to the cell he’d come from on Asgard, where there was rarely a moment which _wasn’t_ silent. He’d decided that he preferred the noise to silence.

Truthfully, these thoughts had only been present to stop him from thinking about what he should be thinking about. _Why_ hadn’t he told you how he felt. Just yesterday he would’ve given his right arm to have you know about his feelings for you, but then the moment actually presented itself and what had he said? Nothing. He’d just sat there, internally yelling at himself: _tell her! Just tell her!_ Ultimately, the fear of rejection outweighed his need to tell you how he felt. He was a coward.

You shifted slightly in the chair, frowning in your sleep and exhaling as you settled into what must have been a more comfortable position. You’d been doing that a lot through the night; that chair wasn’t a comfy place to sleep. Loki tried not to stare. He’d been trying not to all night, realising that it was odd to be watching you sleep… but he’d failed more than once, resigning himself to just watching you as you dreamed. Once you had even muttered something indistinguishable and smiled faintly, leaving Loki to guess what you’d said which had been so funny.

He was watching now as you moved in your sleep, wondering how long it would be until you woke up. You hadn’t tried to talk about how he’d been shot earlier, which meant that you must have thought it had been an accident. As if he would ever let that happen on accident.

It was a while before Loki noticed that he was being watched, and when caught sight of Thor out the corner of his eye he _almost_ startled. But not quite. The illusion was back up in an instant, without him even having to think about it. Scars covered. Vulnerabilities hidden. Just like always.

“You’re awake.” Thor said, moving from where he’d been leaning against the doorway to sit on the other side of the bed. Loki sat up, forgetting for a second why he’d been lying down in the first place, and couldn’t help the hiss of pain which escaped him as pain shot up his side. Thor said nothing, which Loki was grateful for. He was fine.

“Yes. I’m fine.” he said, trying to lean back discreetly to dull the pain.

“You didn’t look that fine yesterday morning.”

“I’ve been told.” Loki replied, turning to look at you, _again._ It was like a reflex.

Thor looked at you too, and smiled.

“Did she tell you?”

Loki was instantly nervous.

“Tell me what?”

“Obviously not then.” Thor chuckled.

“Tell me what?” Loki repeated, slightly more urgently than he had anticipated.

“She knew you were hurt before any of us realised that you were in trouble, at the party.”

Loki frowned, confused. Thor waited, and sighed when he didn’t cotton on.

“She said she felt it in her chest when the gun went off, and that she knew you weren’t okay without seeing you…” he trailed off as Loki understood what he was trying to say.

“Not this again.”

“Yes this again! How else do you explain it…?”

“I don’t know Thor, but it’s not _soulmates_ – hang on, you didn’t tell her about this did you?”

Thor’s silence told him all he needed to know. Loki sighed, closing his eyes letting his head drop back in despair. _Why?_

“She had the same reaction as you.”

How to feel? Relieved? Annoyed? But there was no time for that, because suddenly you were waking up.

Your eyes opened slowly, and then you caught sight of Thor and Loki watching you.

You still managed to look beautiful, even when you had just woken up from sleeping in a chair for five hours. _Don’t_ stare.

_Your POV_

When you woke up, it was to see Thor and Loki both sat watching you. Your hand jumped to your hair self-consciously, you probably looked a mess.

“Morning sleepy head.” Thor greeted you, and you yawned in response.

“You okay? Is it healed?” you asked, turning your attention to Loki while rubbing your eyes to try and get them to open properly.

“Yes. It’s fine.” he replied.

You tilted your head and raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“…almost.” Loki conceded, moving a hand to where he’d been hit. It was then that you noticed that his scars were gone.

“I have news.” Thor said, before you could say anything. You both turned to face him.

“First, Nick Fury was pleased that you risked your life for the mission, but he still wants that on you at all times.” he informed Loki, nodding towards the cuff which was meant to prevent him from using magic, but now didn’t, around his wrist.

“Right. Any interesting news?” Loki asked.

“Second, Mother has requested that we visit home.” Thor continued.

“Oh.” Loki said.

“With Lady Y/N.” he added.

Your mouth fell open as both Thor and Loki looked at you. 

“She… asked for me? Specifically?” you asked in astonishment.

“Yes.”

“But… are you sure? How does she even know who I am? She’s mixed me up with someone else.” you insisted, heart pounding.

Thor shook his head, smiling. Loki was watching you in something like concern.

You stared at Thor with your mouth slightly open for a good ten seconds, waiting for him to laugh and tell you it was a joke. When he didn’t, you let out a sudden delighted laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. You were going to _Asgard_.

“Do you think… will I be able to find out about my parents?” you thought aloud.

“I don’t see why not…”

“When are we leaving?” you asked, your brain moving at a hundred miles an hour.

“Tomorrow morning. Is that okay? You’re up for it?”

“Yes! Of course.” you said happily.

Loki still hadn’t spoken.

_Can you go? I need to talk with Thor._

Charming. You’d slept in a chair all night to keep him company and this was the thanks you received.

“I should go shower. And get dressed.” you said, standing up and stretching.

_Sorry._

“We can talk more about this later.” Thor told you as you returned the blanket you’d used to its rightful place on the bed.

“Yeah sure, see you later.” you smiled, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie down over your hands as you left the room. Your neck was killing from sleeping in that chair.

_Loki’s POV_

Loki tried so hard not to watch you leave the room.

“You asked her to leave. Why?” Thor asked. He was getting good at noticing when you and he talked through your minds. It was disconcerting.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? Why has mother asked her to come with us? I have a bad feeling about this.” Loki said, the minute he was sure that you were out of earshot.

“You have a bad _feeling_ …” Thor said, with a pointed look.

“Soulmates. Do not. Exist.” Loki said through gritted teeth. This was getting tedious.

“I don’t know why mother wants Y/N to visit Asgard with us. Maybe she’s getting fed up waiting for you to make a move, like the rest of us.” Thor suggested, his eyes sparkling.

Loki glared.

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Thor said, backing down, visibly trying not to smile.

“Will Fury even let me leave here? I doubt he’ll be very happy about letting me off of Midgard.”

“I’ll have to talk to Stark about that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Thor replied.

“What if her parents are dead. Or, I don’t know, abandoned her for some reason.” Loki said, looking at Thor in concern.

“I’m sure it’s nothing that bad. And if it is, at least she’ll know. Anything is better than not knowing.” Thor replied.

“Perhaps not.” Loki countered.

“Why are you so set on making yourself unhappy?” Thor asked, after a beat.

“What do you mean.” Loki sighed.

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you.” he said blatantly.

“Stop it. I’m not _in love_ with anyone. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You may be the god of lies brother, but you’re not fooling anyone this time. Especially me.”

Loki was on the verge of teleporting far, far away and never coming back.

“Admit it.” Thor demanded.

“No.”

“Why? I’ve seen the way you look at her. And the way she looks back at you.”

Loki allowed the smallest spark of hope to ignite in his chest at those words, and it obviously showed in his eyes, because then Thor was leaning back in his chair and looking at him triumphantly. Shit.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I refuse to have this conversation with you.”

“You have to-”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything.” Loki injected vehemently. This wasn’t happening.

Thor just sighed, finally seeming to realise that he wasn’t going to help the situation.

“Whatever the reason for mother wanting Y/N to visit Asgard, it must be important.”

“That’s why I’m worried.” Loki said.

“She’s strong, she can handle whatever it is.” Thor said confidently.

But Loki didn’t _want_ you to have to handle the truth if it was going to hurt you. Maybe Thor was right, maybe it would be fine, but why would you need to go to Asgard if it wasn’t serious?

He didn’t care what that Fury said, he was going to Asgard with you and Thor whether he was _allowed_ to or not. It would be good to see his mother again. Odin… he would have to face him for you, and rely on the hope that he didn’t condemn him back to that awful cell.

As for how he felt about you… he would just have to close his mind off again and wait for the right moment to say something.

But first he needed to work out what exactly it was he was going to say to you. Nothing about soulmates, that was for sure.

“Loki?” Thor was saying.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

No. Nothing was okay. Everything was horrible.

“Yes.”

“You’ve lost your touch. I can see right through you, god of _lies_.” Thor smiled. Loki clenched his jaw so hard he thought it might actually get stuck there. Thor could be so aggravating.

“What exactly is it that you want from me?” Loki asked, his voice dangerously low.

“Just _tell_ her. I promise you, it’ll be worth it.” Thor replied honestly.

Loki was hating every second of this. Mainly because he knew Thor was right: he had to say something to you. And the harsh truth was he had absolutely no idea how. There was a long pause while Loki wrestled with himself, head and heart yelling totally contradictory things at him. Eventually, for the first time in a long time, his heart won.

“How.”

_Your POV_

You hadn’t got any further than the other side of the doorway, just out of sight of Thor. That was where you’d been stood for the last few minutes, listening, with your heart in your mouth.

And that’s where you’d heard Loki say it: ‘How.’ Only one word, but it changed everything.

Everything about your parents was forgotten as you tip-toed quietly away from the door, and then ran back the rest of the way to your room, just as you had last night. When you got there, you collapsed on your bed, and tried not to feel too… well, ecstatic.

You had to chill out, this didn’t mean anything yet, you had to act as if everything was normal. 

All you had to do was wait.


	30. In which you travel to Asgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for all of the supportive comments and messages you've been leaving after last week! :) I can't believe I'm posting chapter thirty already, time is speeding past. I hope you're all doing okay - here's chapter thirty! <3

Luckily, Fury had been fine with Loki travelling to Asgard with you and Thor, apparently because he trusted Odin to keep him under control. He had been the person to lock him up in the first place, after all. Perhaps he thought Loki would be locked up again once he was back on Asgard. You had talked to Thor about that; he had reassured you that Odin wouldn’t try and lock Loki up again, but you weren’t so sure. From what you had heard about Odin he was terrifying and a bad father, so all in all you weren’t looking forward to meeting him. Frigga was a different matter, she sounded lovely, so at least you had one thing to look forward to. You were trying not to feel too optimistic about meeting or finding out about your parents after overhearing Thor and Loki’s discussion, but deep down you couldn’t help yourself.

You’d spent the rest of the day after you’d overheard the conversation wondering what to pack, and trying desperately not to think about Loki.

The second part had not gone well.

You’d showered and got dressed and then ventured to the kitchen for some breakfast; to your disappointment no one seemed to be up yet so you had to sort some food out for yourself. You’d sat alone to eat, content to watch the city grind to a slow start on a chilly December Monday morning and found yourself thinking about Christmas.

It was only about two weeks away now and there was a massive tree in the corner of the room, along with various decorations around the rest of the living quarters in the tower. You’d never really done Christmas properly before, and you were looking forward to finally having a proper holiday, and maybe even presents. Around half eight Thor had joined you, and then slowly the rest of the team had started to appear. You were happy to note that they all seemed genuinely pleased when they’d found out that Loki was awake and okay. The rest of the day had passed fairly uneventfully; Loki had only appeared in the evening, claiming that he’d been ‘enjoying the peace and quiet’ and only left the medical ward to get some food. That was a lie, because he wasn’t in his gear anymore and was walking with a tiny limp, which thankfully no one mentioned. You weren’t surprised to find that his mind was closed off again, but this time you didn’t mind. You had closed yours off too though when you’d noticed, just to prove a point.

You’d gone to bed early that night, wanting to be awake and alert in the morning. When you would travel to Asgard. It still hadn’t sunk in properly… you were actually going to _Asgard_. Instead of trying to sleep, you’d sat for a while and stared at the picture of your apparent parents. If everything went to plan, you’d be talking to the people in this picture tomorrow.

…

The next morning, typically, it was chucking it down with rain.

The team had all gathered in the penthouse to say bye before you left; you still weren’t entirely sure how you were getting to Asgard, all you knew is that you were headed up to the roof.

“Make sure you bring her back in one piece.” Tony said to Thor, as you did your rounds, hugging Bucky goodbye last.

“We’ll be back before you know it, two days is no time at all.” you said, moving to stand next to Thor.

“Just make sure you don’t get into any trouble while you’re up there.” Tony said, thinking very audibly as he did so about Loki, who rolled his eyes, stood by the staircase leading up to the roof, obviously eager to leave.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” you replied, stifling a laugh and turning to follow Thor who was heading towards the staircase.

“Farewell friends.” Thor called over his shoulder as you ascended the staircase towards the roof, and you turned and gave a small wave to everyone before they disappeared.

“So, how are we getting to Asgard?” you asked Thor, trying to avoid his cape which billowed out behind him as he walked up the stairs ahead of you. You were all wearing your gear to look less Midgardian, and you had nothing else on you, apart from the picture of your parents tucked inside your back pocket.

“The Bifrost, Heimdall will open it for us.” Thor replied, tossing his hammer up in the air and catching it again as you reached the top of the stairs.

“The… what? Who?” you said in confusion.

“We’re flying.” Loki supplied helpfully, holding the door open for you.

“We’re… flying?” you repeated in disbelief, feeling your stomach drop.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t take long.” Loki reassured you, creating an umbrella with his magic above your heads as you walked outside into the rain. Thor was for some reason not under the umbrella, and you laughed as he scowled at Loki, becoming soaked almost instantly. Loki was in a great mood; you realised this as he shrugged at Thor, his eyes glittering. He was happy to be going home. Loki extended the umbrella as Thor held an arm out to you, gesturing for you to hold on to him. You looked inquisitively back at Loki.

“I’m right behind you.” he told you.

“I’d hold on tight if I were you.” Thor advised, before lifting his face to the skies.

“Heimdall, open the Bifrost!”

The umbrella above you disappeared as you held Thor in a death grip, pushing your face into his chest as you rocketed into the sky. It was only about thirty seconds, but to you it felt like at least an hour. You kept your eyes firmly squeezed shut, trying not to think about what was happening, imagining that you were just flying to the top of a tall building rather than travelling to a different realm.

Finally your feet hit solid ground, and your knees would have buckled if not for Thor holding you up.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and you nodded, not trusting yourself to open your mouth in case you threw up and suddenly feeling light-headed as you realised you hadn’t actually taken a breath for half a minute.

“Welcome back Thor.” a deep voice said, and you turned to see a huge man in golden armour stood behind you. His eyes were also pure gold.

“Heimdall!” Thor exclaimed, leaving your side to greet him. Your legs still hadn’t recovered and you managed to stand upright for about four seconds after he let go of you before your knees started trembling. Loki appeared by your side and offered you an arm, which you grabbed before you fell over. You were about to thank him, but before you could you looked up. And saw Asgard.

At first you thought you’d died and gone to heaven, because surely this was what heaven looked like. It was like nothing you’d ever seen before, and it rendered you totally speechless for the first time in your life. You literally couldn’t form a sentence. The palace was… you had originally thought ‘out of this world’, but you weren’t even on your world anymore. And that was Thor and Loki’s home.

“That… that’s where you grew up?” you eventually managed, turning to look at Loki.

He nodded, looking at the palace with something like sad nostalgia.

You realised your mouth was hanging open, and quickly closed it before Loki could look back at you; as you did so releasing your grip on his cold arm.

“Sorry, thanks.” you said.

“Y/N, welcome to Asgard.” Heimdall said; you didn’t ask how he knew your name. The guy had golden eyes, you weren’t about to question him.

“Thank you.” you replied, turning to see him observing you as if you were an interesting artefact and Thor smiling at his home. The sight of him so happy made you smile.

In comparison to Thor’s good mood, there was a frosty atmosphere between Heimdall and Loki. You didn’t know the fine details, but you guessed there had been some sort of clash between the two of them when Loki had been king for a short while. You made a mental note to ask Thor what had happened later on.

After bidding Heimdall farewell, you followed Thor on to the Bifrost where there were three horses waiting for you.

“While I am glad we don’t have to walk, whoever assumed I could ride a horse assumed wrong.” you said, stopping when you saw the huge creatures.

You pretended not to notice as Thor glanced ever so briefly at Loki, who shot Thor a death glare in return and climbed up on to one of the horses as if he’d been doing it all his life.

“You can ride with me. I’ll have to teach you how to ride properly one day.” Thor said, and you avoided looking at Loki as you clambered (so not elegantly) onto one of the horses. Thor swung himself up behind you and you set off towards the palace. You still couldn’t believe the view, still half convinced that you were in fact dead and arriving in heaven.

When you reached the palace Thor dismounted the horse and then helped you down. You were attracting a lot of attention from Asgardian citizens, most of whom had stopped to stare as you walked towards the palace. You kept having to remind yourself that Loki and Thor were royalty here. Walking up the steps into the palace, past the heavily armed guards, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. You were completely out of your depth here, whereas Thor seemed completely at home. Loki was walking with his head down, no longer seeming happy or excited to be returning home. As you walked through the palace you opened your mind, trying to reach out to him and talk even though his mind firmly closed off. You’d never tried to get into his head, and it made you feel slightly light-headed as you walked. But eventually it worked.

_What?_

_Are you okay?_

At first he didn’t reply, but then he slowed down and allowed you to catch up with him, letting Thor stride ahead of the two of you.

“There’s still a lot about me that you don’t know; I don’t think Thor told you everything like you said before. Coming back here… it’s just a reminder.” Loki told you quietly.

“He said he told me everything.” you protested, frowning at Thor’s back.

“Did he tell you I tried to kill him?”

You missed a beat, almost tripping over your own feet. Loki smirked briefly, but his eyes remained downcast.

“I thought not.”

You walked in silence for a bit while you struggled to come up with something to say. You were desperate to know the full story, but now wasn’t the right time. Loki misinterpreted your silence as nerves.

“Don’t worry, my mother will love you.” he told you confidently.

“And Odin?” you asked. He didn’t reply.

“Remember, my mother can read minds too.” Loki said, and then you were in the throne room, if you could call it a room. It was the size of the interior of a cathedral, if not bigger, and a huge throne occupied the far wall. And occupying that, was Odin. Well, you assumed it was Odin anyway, he looked like one would expect a king to look, and he only had one eye. Next to Odin stood a beautiful, kind looking woman who could only be Frigga. This was confirmed as you walked into the room.

“My sons, welcome home.” she said happily, descending gracefully down the stairs which led to the throne to embrace Thor and Loki. Odin remained silent.

“And Y/N. Welcome to Asgard.” she smiled, moving forward to clasp your hands in hers.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty.” you replied, returning her smile.

“Please, call me Frigga. I believe we have much to discuss.” she said, returning to stand by her husband’s side. Odin was regarding you with something like displeasure, his hands resting lazily on the arms of his throne.

“We did wonder why you summoned Lady Y/N to Asgard with us.” Thor prompted, looking back at you. Loki was admiring the ceiling, as if the conversation were boring him. You could tell he was nervous.

“Well, I’ll get straight to the point. I’m afraid Odin and I have somewhat of a confession to make.” Frigga explained, turning to Odin for support. He simply nodded at her to go on.

“Y/N, when you were a child you didn’t understand that you possessed magic. When you were four years old there was an incident with another child, and again when you were five. You weren’t allowed to attend school, and eventually it got to a stage where you couldn’t interact with anyone other than your parents. You weren’t like the other children and that scared people. On your sixth birthday, your father decided to take you outside as a treat… there was yet another incident in which a man was almost killed. After that the decision was made that it wasn’t safe for you to remain on Asgard, so you were moved to a children’s home on Midgard.”

“And you thought that would be safer?” Loki asked in disgust, suddenly involved in the conversation.

“I suggest you remain quiet Loki.” Odin said.

You were reeling. Why didn’t you remember any of this? If you’d been five, surely you should have some recollection of Asgard, of your home, your parents? Frigga seemed to understand what you were thinking.

“That, however, is not the confession.” she continued, and you looked back at her. She sighed deeply before continuing.

“We took your memories.”


	31. In which you meet your parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I have a weird question for y'all: how do we feel about smut? I know people will have mixed opinions, and I'm not gonna be writing anything massively explicit (I get really embarrassed lol) but I've reached a point in the story where I feel like I can't really ignore it for much longer ahh. Just wondered what your opinions were about it, obviously we're all imagining Y/N differently but for me she's like 18/19 but if there are any underage readers that kinda makes me want to boycott any smut XD Let me know, I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

“Mother! How could you?” Thor exclaimed.

“We had to, for her safety as well as ours. We couldn’t have an Asgardian child going down to Midgard and telling everyone about us. Not that anyone would have believed her, but better safe than sorry.” Odin said bluntly.

You were shaking. Of all the scenarios you’d come up with in your head, none of them had even come close to this. You didn’t know how to feel.

“Why not teach me how to control it? Or, I don’t know, something other than abandon a six-year-old on another planet?”

“Are you questioning our decision?” Odin asked, in a voice that suggested you shouldn’t argue with him.

“Yes!” you said defiantly.

_Loki’s POV_

Loki didn’t think he’d ever been more in love with you than in that moment, watching you stand up to Odin with an utter disregard for the fact that you were speaking to the king of Asgard. He couldn’t say he blamed you for feeling reckless, you’d just found out that him and Frigga had stripped you of your memories and family and dumped you on a different realm when you were six years old. Still, you probably shouldn’t have spoken to him like that.

Odin stood up threateningly and Loki found himself moving towards you purely out of instinct. Frigga placed a gentle hand on Odin’s arm, which at least stopped him from killing you on the spot. She then whispered something in his ear, causing him to glare at you vehemently, and then Loki.

“This was a bad idea. If this goes wrong, I will not hesitate to lock him back up, along with the mortal.”

Then he strode from the room, hardly glancing at any of you. Frigga sighed again, moving down the steps towards you. She looked old, Loki thought sadly. He wished she could be happier.

“You’ll have to excuse him, he’s not having a good day.” Frigga said.

When did Odin have a good day? Had he ever had a good day? Loki doubted it. You were shaking; he wished he could do something about it.

“Can I have my memories back?” you asked Frigga.

“Yes. I’m afraid Odin disapproves, but you deserve to have them.”

Loki opened his mouth, and then somehow found the restraint to close it again. His mother threw him an appraising look, and then turned to you and placed a hand on either side of your head.

“This won’t hurt.” Frigga said, and then your eyes glazed over as she performed the difficult magic which gave you your memories back. Loki could have seen what you were seeing if he’d wanted to, but he didn’t want to pry. Thor was watching him watching you, but Loki didn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know he’d seen. After a minute, Frigga withdrew her hands and you swayed where you stood. All eyes were on you.

“Where are they?” you asked eventually, your voice shaking. Your parents. Your poor parents…

“They’re waiting outside.” Frigga said, nodding in the direction that they were, and you immediately turned to walk away.

“Y/N, wait.” she continued, moving towards you again.

You were angry, not upset; that’s why you were shaking. Loki briefly considered trying to talk to you in your mind, before realising that his mother would likely hear whatever he said too.

“I am sorry, I hope you can forgive Odin and I where your parents could not.”

You forced a smile and nodded.

“I understand why you had to do it.” you told her. It was such an obvious lie, which Frigga, Loki and Thor all saw straight through, but at least you were trying. Then you turned and walked quickly out of the room.

“You are both very fond of that girl.” Frigga said when you were gone: a statement rather than a question.

Loki looked at the floor, and then back up to find his mother and brother smiling at him. He scowled at Thor, but couldn’t bring himself to do the same to Frigga.

“Perhaps you should leave us Thor.” Frigga suggested.

“Yes, I’ll go and find Sif and the Warriors Three, it’s been too long.” Thor said happily, and strode off, his cape billowing out behind him.

Frigga observed Loki for a moment, and then gestured towards the palace gardens.

“Let’s walk.” she said.

Loki sighed. He had never been able to lie to his mother, and he had a horrible feeling that he wasn’t about to be able to start now.

…

_Your POV_

The memories had been hazy, but they were there, and they were yours.

The clearest memory was of the stories you’d been told of your great grandmother who had been a sorceress and an outcast from old Asgardian society because of her ability to use magic. Specifically, purple magic. Your mother had told you it had skipped two generations to come to you, and that it was an amazing gift that not many people understood.

Best of all had been one of the final memories, which had been of your mother sneaking the picture of her and your father into the small bag you had taken with you to Midgard: the very same picture which was currently in your pocket right now. You couldn’t wait to see them.

As Frigga had promised, they were waiting in the courtyard outside the throne room. They were older, but they were the people in the picture alright. Your mother was already sobbing by the time you reached them, and your father’s eyes were filled with tears as he pulled you into an embrace. Oddly, it was the smell of them that made you cry rather than anything else. That long forgotten scent… it smelt like home. Ylva and Ivor, those were their names. How could you ever have forgotten?

“You remember us? They gave you your memories back?” your father asked.

“Yes. Frigga was apologetic, Odin not so much. He didn’t want me to have my memories back.” you explained, gently detaching yourself from your mother, who was still crying.

Once you had all composed yourselves you sat, and you talked. There was a lot to catch up on. You told them about your life on Midgard, showed them the picture of them you’d always carried with you and tried to downplay how ultimately miserable everything had been before the day Thor had almost flattened you with a bus. You told them about life with the Avengers, your mother visibly worrying when you told them about the missions you had been on.

“I don’t like that you’ve been spending so much time around Prince Loki. Surely you know what he’s done?” your father said, after you’d spent about twenty minutes talking about him. Oops.

“No listen, not many people know this, but he had been brainwashed when the attack on New York happened, and…”

“The what? He attacked your city?!” your mother exclaimed. This wasn’t going well.

“Well, yes, but like I said…”

“Do you know that he tried to lead an attack on Asgard which almost resulted in the death of Odin? Was he tortured before that happened?” she continued.

“No, but Odin only ever used him as a bargaining chip, he was trying to prove himself to him. Or something.” you said, unsure who you were actually trying to convince.

“Y/N, he killed his own father. He’s a Frost Giant. He can’t be _safe_ to be around.”

Wow. You had a bone to pick with Thor. He’d left out some very major details when he’d told you ‘everything’ on the roof of the tower all those weeks ago.

“Loki killed Laufey?” you asked, and both your parents nodded.

From their perspective, you could see how he probably didn’t look like the best person for their daughter to be spending practically every second of every day with.

“You’re in love with him.” Ylva said suddenly, staring at you. Something weird happened in your chest. Both you and your father turned to look at her in astonishment.

“No, I’m not _in love_ with anyone.” you said dismissively, and then your father was staring at you instead.

“You’re as bad at lying now as you were when you were five honey.” your mother told you, her eyes filling with tears again.

“I don’t, it’s not…” you struggled to find the words under the gaze of your parents. Eventually you just gave up, resigning yourself to stare at the table. You could hear your parents’ worried thoughts loud and clear. They didn’t understand. Or maybe it was you that didn’t understand.

“How old am I?” you asked, suddenly remembering the question you had been so desperate to ask.

“A question we’ve often wondered about too. Time works differently on Asgard and Midgard, so we can’t be entirely sure, as you’ve spent time on both realms. We think about a thousand in Asgardian years, give or take.” your father told you, apparently thankful for a change of subject.

“Wha - a thousand? Really?” you asked, gobsmacked.

“The average life span for an Asgardian is around five thousand years, you’re young!” your mother laughed.

“I’m sure Frigga will know exactly how old you are, or perhaps Heimdall.” your father said, somewhat bitterly.

You couldn’t believe it. Had you stayed on Asgard you would have been a _thousand_ years old. And that was young!

“Enough about me, tell me about you, and Asgard.” you requested, and that took another half an hour of talking up. No one had told you that you couldn’t leave the palace, so after that you walked from the palace to your childhood home, which you were delighted to find hadn’t changed a bit. Your bedroom had remained untouched since you’d been moved to Midgard, and you spent a while sat on your bed looking through your old toys and storybooks. Then you had lunch and talked with your parents some more.

After a while there was a knock on the door, and your mother opened it to reveal Thor, flanked by three men and a woman.

Your mother instantly sunk into a deep curtsy, and Thor smiled and bowed his head graciously.

“Hey Thor.” you called.

“Lady Y/N! Mother said we might find you here.” he replied, smiling as you got up to stand next to your mother.

“Thor these are my parents, Ylva and Ivor.”

You laughed at how starstruck your parents seemed as Thor greeted them both.

“You don’t mind if we take Y/N for a bit do you? I want to show her Asgard.” Thor asked your parents politely.

“No, of course Your Highness.” your mother smiled, covering her nerves with charm.

You hugged your parents goodbye and thanked them for lunch, and then joined Thor at the doorway.

“Ylva and Ivor, you have been invited to dinner at the palace tonight if you so wish to attend.” Thor mentioned casually as you were about to leave. Your parents looked at each other. You knew what they were thinking: they hadn’t forgiven Frigga and Odin for what they had done to you, and them.

“We’ll think about it. Thank you.” Ivor said with a smile.

“Very well.” Thor replied, before turning to leave.

“Hang on a minute Thor.” you said, and moved back towards your parents.

“Please come tonight, I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I go back!” you begged.

“Y/N, there’s something else that you should know. There were rumours, when you were a child, that you were somehow a child of Odin, that he’d been unfaithful to Frigga and that’s why you had magic. We think he may have sent you to Midgard to protect his reputation… that’s why he didn’t want Frigga teaching you how to control your magic.” your father explained quickly and quietly.

“But… surely not - Frigga wouldn’t let something like that happen… would she?” you asked in shock.

“Just keep that in mind okay? We don’t trust them, so be careful.” he told you, turning you back towards the door.

“Now go and have some fun. We’ll see you again before you leave.”

“Okay… I’ll see you later.” you said to your parents with a wave, who waved back, and then followed Thor out of the doorway.

“Are you okay?” Thor asked you as you joined him outside.

“Yeah, it’s just a lot.” you replied, looking back up at the palace which dominated the skyline.

“We can talk about all that later. Now it’s time for a tour of Asgard!” he announced, and you laughed, aware that he was trying to cheer you up.

You couldn’t forget what your father had said about Odin. Would he really have dumped an innocent Asgardian child on Midgard just to protect his reputation? After what Loki had told you about him, it wouldn’t surprise you. And there was another thing: Loki. The way your parents had listed all of the undeniably awful stuff he had done… were you being blindsided by how you felt about him? You vowed to yourself that you would talk to him about it at some point; hopefully he would be able to explain what had happened properly. Unlike _some_ people, you thought, glancing fondly at Thor.

You pushed it all from your mind, and tried to concentrate on the moment. You were on Asgard! Time to enjoy yourself.


	32. In which you attend a royal dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope everyone is well, I'm living for your comments on this fic through quarantine so please let me know what you thought! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :) <3

“Lady Y/N, this is Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral: The Warriors Three. And this of course is Lady Sif.” Thor said, introducing you to the three men and woman he had been accompanied by at the door of your parents’ house. Volstagg was massive; he looked like a proper Viking, and shook your hand like one too. Hogun was smaller but quite terrifying to look at, however his smile was a friendly one. Fandral was stupidly handsome, like some sort of fairy tale Prince Charming, and you couldn’t help but blush slightly when he bowed and kissed your hand as Thor introduced him.

Sif was gorgeous, and had a firm handshake which you were slightly taken aback by.

“I’m so happy you’re all finally getting to meet.” Thor smiled happily.

“I’ve heard great things about the Warriors Three and Lady Sif.” you grinned.

“And we’ve heard great things about Lady Y/N in the last few hours at the tavern.” Sif joked, making you and the others laugh.

“Come on then you lot, or it’ll be dark by the time we finish this tour.” Volstagg said, and Thor strode ahead gesturing for you all to follow.

The ‘tour’ lasted for about two hours, although who knew how long it really was, what with the ambiguous time on Asgard in relation to Earth. The first half of the tour was spent actually showing you around, and Fandral telling you tall tales of his many conquests and battles at various locations, the others chiming in regularly to tell the story how it really had been, and once even to claim that one battle hadn’t even happened like Fandral told it at all.

Funnily enough Thor’s tour ended at the tavern, where you were introduced to countless people, all with difficult sounding names and different faces. It was there that you spent the second hour of the ‘tour’, getting slightly tipsier than you should have when you were about to attend a royal dinner at the palace.

Eventually Thor announced that it was time to leave, and the six of you made your way back up towards the palace, laughing and joking loudly all the way. At the palace doors the Warriors Three and Sif said goodbye (“We’ll see each other later tonight, I’m sure.” Fandral told you, kissing your hand yet again while Sif rolled her eyes in the background).

Then Thor led you back through the palace, past another cathedral sized room which had been prepared for the meal on and up several staircases, then down a long corridor where you met Loki walking the other way.

“You’re late. They’re expecting us down there in fifteen minutes.” Loki told you both, looking you up and down, sending what felt like a jolt of electricity through your body. You fought to maintain a poker face; he was wearing what you assumed to be Asgardian formal wear, whereas you were still in your gear, and Thor in his. You desperately tried not to stare, or think about how good he looked at this moment in time.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” you suddenly realised, looking at Thor.

“Don’t worry, you’ll find something you like in there. This is where you’re sleeping tonight by the way.” he told you, gesturing to the door to your left. You opened the door and peeked inside; the room was huge, dominated by massive four poster bed, beyond which double doors led out to a balcony which looked out over all of Asgard.

“Wow.” you breathed.

“Go, get changed. You don’t want to be late.” Loki told you, and you pulled a face at him before disappearing into your room. Once inside you made a beeline for the wardrobe, which you discovered to be full of gorgeous dresses along with matching shoes, all helpfully in your exact size. You were aware that you didn’t have loads of time, you rifled through them in an attempt to pick your favourite but failed; you loved all of them. You were holding a green and a blue dress in either hand when you were interrupted.

“I think the green one suits you.” a voice emitted from the doorway, and you turned in surprise to see a maid stood in the doorway. She must have only been a year or so younger than you, or maybe a hundred if you were talking in Asgardian years.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Prince Thor sent me to help you get ready.” she smiled, curtseying.

“Oh, that’s kind of him, but I’m actually okay.” you smiled.

“Let me do your hair at least.” the maid said, and your hand flew to your hair, suddenly self-conscious.

“Oh, okay.” you agreed, and waited for her to leave so that you could get changed. When she didn’t you turned around, embarrassed, and quickly changed into the green dress. Reaching behind you to do it up, you realised that instead of a zip there were about thirty buttons. You turned back to the maid, defeated, and she smiled again, gesturing for you to turn around. Holding your hair up for her as she started on the buttons, you admired the room you were in once again.

“What did you say your name was?” you asked the maid, eager to make conversation. You were excited but nervous, again.

“I didn’t. I’m Astrid.” the maid said, her fingers working impossibly quickly to do up the back of your dress.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.”

“I know.” she said, finishing with the buttons and guiding you to sit down on the stool in front of the dressing table and removing a hairbrush from one of the drawers.

“What shall I do with your hair?”

“I don’t mind, whatever you think.” you told her, thinking back to the time when Nat had done your hair at the tower all those months ago for the party. You felt a million miles away from the tower and your friends here.

“We don’t have long, I think I’ll just…” she trailed off as she concentrated, transforming your hair before your eyes from a tangled mess to an elegant updo in about one and a half minutes.

“How did you do that?” you asked in astonishment as she used nothing but a strip of fabric to hold it in place.

“Practice. You have lovely hair.” Astrid replied, moving from your hair to a jewellery box on the dressing table.

“Thanks…” you said, before she revealed the contents of the box and you were rendered speechless. It was like looking into a treasure chest you only saw in movies. The earrings that she handed you were set with real emeralds and weighed a tonne; your ears protested as you put them in.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the weight. This is the Queen’s jewellery, so just don’t lose it.” Astrid told you, handing you a simple necklace to go with the earrings, which also weighed a lot despite the fact that the actual jewel was smaller than your little fingernail.

“The Queen’s- right.” you said nervously, gently fastening it around your neck.

“There, you’re done. You look lovely.” Astrid told you, and as you stood and looked in the mirror you realised that you actually didn’t look half bad.

“Thank you Astrid, turns out I did need your help after all.” you said, and she smiled.

“Don’t forget your shoes.”

Luckily, the shoes were nowhere near as high as the stilettos you’d been walking around in to prepare for your last mission, so you were able to walk around in them with ease. You sent a silent thank you to Nat before checking your reflection one last time in the mirror. The dress was a ballgown and quite heavy; it floated just above the floor as you walked and you struggled not to feel ridiculous as you walked to the door in it. It was like nothing you’d ever worn on Earth before and you tried not to laugh as you imagined what Nat and the others would think if you turned up to one of Tony’s parties wearing this.

Hoping you weren’t about to turn up to dinner with the royal family late, you thanked Astrid again and stepped outside to find Loki waiting in the corridor.

“You took your… time.” he said, missing a beat as he took the sight of you in. You tried not to feel pleased.

“Am I late?”

“Yes, you took ages. Come on.” he said, starting to walk briskly down the corridor ahead of you.

“Thanks for waiting for me. I’d have got lost.” you told him, struggling to keep up with his long strides.

“I know. That’s why I waited.” he replied.

Huh, someone wasn’t in a talking mood. You followed him in silence the rest of the way to the hall where you were eating. In was half inside, half outside, so you couldn’t really call it a hall. Also, the ceiling was about sixty feet tall. You lifted your dress up a fraction as you made your way down some stairs, suddenly feeling immensely self-conscious, as though you were in fancy dress. Although, this was a different planet you were on.

“You look nice.” Loki suddenly said. Had he heard you? You struggled to comprehend the fact that he’d paid you such a blatant compliment before replying.

“Thanks, you too.” you replied, praying that you hadn’t gone red.

He stopped in the corridor just before the huge doorway to the hall and turned to you. You looked towards the hall nervously.

“Don’t be nervous. It’ll be over soon.” he told you.

“This is just so different. You’re used to this sort of thing; I don’t know how to be… like that.” you said, glancing towards the doorway through which voices and the clinks of glasses were emitting.

“Just be yourself. I doubt mother or Odin will take any notice of you anyway.” Loki said, reassuringly? You noted his use of Odin’s name, not father, especially as he’d called Frigga mother.

“Come on then, seeing as we’re so _late_.” you grinned, and he fake bowed, gesturing towards the door.

“After you.”

You walked into the room trying not to look as nervous as you felt, and actually deflated slightly in relief when you saw that Odin and Frigga’s chairs at the head of the table were not yet occupied, along with a few other seats around the long table, set for about fifty people. There were name places on every plate. Thor waved at you both as you entered the room, seated near the head of the table and you waved back, dismayed to note that Loki was making his way to sit opposite him. Which meant that you were sat…

“Lady Y/N, how splendid!” Fandral exclaimed, jumping out of the seat next to yours to pull your chair out for you.

“Thank you Fandral.” you smiled, sitting down and resigning yourself to a long dinner. You had a feeling that this seating arrangement hadn’t been an accident. To your immense relief Sif was sat opposite you; hopefully she would swoop in if Fandral started laying it on a bit too thick again. She smiled at you broadly, as if she’d heard your thoughts. Six seats to your left, someone actually had heard your thoughts.

_Unlucky._

_Loki, get out of my head. Fandral is -_

“You look exquisite tonight.” Fandral muttered in your ear, as if you’d known each other for more than about three hours.

_What where you saying? I couldn’t quite hear over -_

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” you complimented him over the sound of Loki’s voice in your head, which actually made him blush.

_I was saying he seems really nice._

_I’ll say._

_I like him. Didn’t you hear? I’m ‘exquisite’._

_I could have told you that._

You weren’t entirely sure whether he’d meant for you to hear that last comment, but you had. Your heart stopped for about three seconds, and then started beating double time. Was he _flirting_ with you?

“Are you… talking to Loki?” Sif frowned, staring at you and then up the table at Loki.

Was it that obvious? You didn’t know how well known the whole ‘soulmates’ story was on Asgard, but you didn’t want to risk starting any rumours.

“What? No, why?” you laughed, and thankfully Sif didn’t get a chance to reply because then Frigga and Odin had arrived.

“All rise for the King and Queen.” someone announced, and everyone pushed their chairs back to stand as Odin and Frigga took their seats at the head of the table. As Odin gestured for everyone to return to their seats, you realised that two of the unoccupied chairs had been for your mother and father. You couldn’t say you blamed them for not wanting to attend.

As the first plates of food began to appear you realised that you were starving, and soon after that you discovered that the food was _very_ nice. You were sat next to a handsome man who was openly flirting with you, and just along the table from you was another very handsome man who also may or may not be flirting with you.

Maybe this wasn’t so terrible after all.


	33. In which you learn how to dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm really ahead at the moment so you can look forward to a double update this week! I hope you're all doing okay and enjoy this chapter! <3

_Loki’s POV_

The next two hours were terrible.

The food was nice enough, but Loki had spent the majority of the dinner trying not to listen to Fandral flirt with you. He couldn’t say that he blamed him, you looked (without meaning to sound awfully cliché) like some sort of princess in that dress. His mother kept looking at him pointedly and then down the table at you, which was horribly embarrassing. She’d made her feelings about his reluctance to tell you how he felt very clear during her talk earlier today, and to his immense annoyance her lecture had actually made a lot of sense. He knew that she was expecting him to talk to you tonight, and he had no excuse. Soulmates. The word still sounded stupid and made up, but Frigga had seemed determined to push the idea that you and he had some sort of special _bond_. The thought wasn’t entirely awful, Loki supposed.

Thor seemed in an exceptionally good mood sat opposite him, but that was probably because you’d all been to the tavern before the meal. He was glad you’d been sensible enough not to get overly drunk, although looking around it seemed as though not many people _wouldn’t_ be drunk soon enough. He was planning on staying sober however, he didn’t want any more slip ups like earlier when he’d accidentally let you know he thought you looked ‘exquisite’. Which, for the record, you did, but he hadn’t meant for you to hear it. He didn’t know how you’d taken it, being unable to see your face, but you’d remained silent since then. Whether that was a good or bad thing remained to be seen.

“Loki?” Thor was saying.

His head snapped up as he realised that everyone was standing up to allow the tables to be cleared for dancing, and he quickly vacated his seat, glaring at Thor when he correctly guessed what (or, who) he had been thinking about.

While the servants and maids worked quickly to remove the tables and chairs to make space for dancing, Loki moved away from Thor and Odin (who kept shooting him disdainful looks) to stand next to his mother.

_She looks lovely in your colour._

He couldn’t get over how weird it felt having another person’s voice in his head. A person that wasn’t you. His mother was right though, green suited you down to the ground.

_She does._

Fandral was now leading you away from the hall and down the steps which led to outside. You were casting an alarmed look back at Lady Sif, who simply laughed and waved you away. Loki watched this with a deadpan expression, trying not to worry. Fandral was all talk and no show, he wouldn’t try anything… would he?

_He’s teaching her to dance._

_That is none my concern._

He had been right. He couldn’t lie to his mother.

_Your POV_

After everyone was done eating, the tables and chairs were cleared to make room for dancing. This was the part you’d been dreading.

“Why do you look so nervous?” Fandral asked, noticing your stiff posture.

“I don’t dance. I mean I do, but I assume that dancing here isn’t the same as the sort of dancing I’ve done on Earth.” you confided. He was actually really nice, despite your first impressions of him being a massive flirt. And he was a massive flirt, but there was more to him than that, as you’d found out after spending two hours with him over dinner.

“I can teach you, it’s not hard. Come with me.” he told you, holding out his hand. You took it and allowed yourself to be led away down the steps of the hall to outside on the grass, casting a slightly alarmed look back to Sif, who simply laughed and waved. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Loki stood next to Frigga at the far end of the room. If you were being totally honest with yourself you were a tiny bit disappointed, having half hoped that someone else would offer to teach you how to dance…

Outside it was cool; the sun was low in the sky and the sound of insects was loud in the air. They sounded like crickets; were there crickets on Asgard?

“So, there are two different types of dance that you need to know. One is just a casual dance and one is a group dance.” Fandral explained.

“A group dance?!” you repeated fearfully. He laughed.

“Don’t worry, it’s really easy. I’ll show you the casual one first.” he reassured you.

He really was ridiculously good looking; you found yourself staring at him as he taught you the basic steps. Thankfully, he had been right: it was easy, and before long he had you dancing in circles on the grass with him, one hand holding his and one hand on his shoulder.

“You’re a quick learner! Now for the group dance, it’s more of the same really…” he said, once again going through the basic steps with you. This one was slightly harder to practice as it involved turning to your left at the end where you would end up dancing with someone else.

“You’ve got it.” Fandral told you happily after about five minutes of practicing the same steps over and over again. You sighed in relief, glad that you weren’t going to look like a fool in front of everyone. Well, less of a fool anyway.

“You’re a good dancer.” he complimented you, leading you back up the steps to the hall. A few people were already dancing; you didn’t know if you could cope with that just yet. You needed to have at least another drink before that happened.

“Thank you for teaching me.” you smiled, and he bowed deeply.

“It was my pleasure.”

You spotted Thor, Sif and Volstagg stood together nearby watching your exchange in amusement and you made your way over to them, swiping a wine glass from a passing servant as you did.

“Having fun?” Thor asked, his eyes sparkling and his cheeks red.

“Yeah, Fandral taught me how to dance.” you told him, grinning at how happy and at home he looked.

“Come on then.” Thor said, handing Volstagg his drink and holding out a hand to you.

“Oh, no Thor, maybe in a minute - hey!” you protested as Volstagg plucked your drink from your hand and Thor dragged you to the middle of the dance floor.

“This is not gentlemanly.” you reprimanded him, as he mock bowed to you, making you laugh. You curtseyed sarcastically (if you can curtsey sarcastically?) and then he offered you his hand again, which you took, and started to dance. It was actually quite nice once you got used to it; you became more confident as you moved around the dancefloor with Thor, who was an _exceptionally_ good dancer. Lots of people followed suit once you and Thor began to dance, and before long you were in the midst of a flurry of swirling dresses and tailcoats. Thor laughed aloud at the expression on your face which was one of pure joy: this was amazing! You were sad when the song ended; there was a polite round of applause and then a new, slower song began to play.

“May I?” a voice requested from behind you, and you turned to see a man you had never seen before holding out an arm.

“You may.” Thor answered for you with a grin, and he raised his eyebrows at you before you reluctantly let go of him and accepted the stranger’s arm. Thor turned away and was instantly met with about five other women waiting to dance with him.

The man’s name was Sven, and he was also a very good dancer. You tried to pay attention to him, but you kept accidentally catching sight of Loki still stood where you’d seen him earlier, not dancing and looking pretty bored. After a while you caught sight of a group of girls clustered against the wall near to him, and one was pushed forward away from the group and towards Loki, giggling. You didn’t need to read any minds to know what was going on there. The girl looked older than you by a few (Earth) years, and was extremely pretty. Prettier than you by a long way. And now she was walking towards Loki.

“Are you alright?” Sven asked you. Oops. You’d forgotten you were dancing with someone.

“Yes, sorry.” you replied, vowing that you wouldn’t look at Loki again. That lasted all of fifteen seconds; when you glanced back he was walking towards the dancefloor with that girl on his arm, and she was looking gleefully back at her friends. You allowed a gigantic wave of jealously to crash over you before reprimanding yourself. He was perfectly entitled to dance with whoever he liked. It was of no interest to you.

The song ended and you tried to escape, not feeling like dancing much anymore, but then Hogun was asking you to dance and you couldn’t refuse, so ended up dancing some more, and then some more with Volstagg. By the time that song had finished you were smiling again, Volstagg wasn’t the best dancer and made no secret of it; it was a laugh trying to avoid getting your toes trodden on and steer him in the right direction.

“I think I’ll leave the dancing to Fandral.” he grinned at the end and you readily agreed, thankful to follow him away from the dance floor towards where the drinks were being served. He’d managed to distract you from watching Loki dance with that girl, and then another, and another… okay so maybe he hadn’t _totally_ distracted you, but at least you’d had fun.

You barely had time to finish the new drink which you had picked up before suddenly Odin and Frigga were making their way towards the dancing crowd, which apparently signalled the start of the group dance. Fandral was by your side in an instant.

“Shall we?”

He led you to the middle of the dancefloor where you did _not_ look at Loki, who was now back with that girl from earlier. You ignored the almost overwhelming need to read her mind and listened to Fandral, who was whispering the steps through to you again. The music started; the men bowed and the women curtseyed, and then you were dancing again.

“How long does this last for?” you whispered to Fandral, and he pulled a face.

“About ten or fifteen minutes I suppose. You usually dance with everyone at least once.” he replied.

You grimaced. As much fun as this was you were starting to get tired. Oh well, ten minutes more wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle. Especially with the promise of getting to dance with Loki in that next ten minutes. You were pleased to see a few people getting the steps wrong in the first few seconds of the dance as you glided along seamlessly with Fandral. Without meaning to sound cocky, you really were quite good at this.

“Ready?” Fandral asked, spinning you around alongside all the other women and preparing to pass you along.

“We’ll find out soon.” you grinned.

“See you later then.” he laughed, and you let go of him and spun to the left, finding yourself face to face with Volstagg again.

“I’ll apologise in advance.” he chuckled, and you laughed as you set off dancing again. You pushed your tiredness aside as you danced, concentrating on not getting the steps wrong. It started to feel like clockwork after a while however, allowing you to relax a little and make small talk with the people you danced with. After a while you came face to face with Thor, who smiled broadly at you.

“Are you having fun?” he asked you again.

“Yeah! I’m tired though.” you confided in a low voice, as if you’d get into trouble if someone overheard you.

“It’ll be over soon enough.” Thor told you.

“But it’s not even dark yet!” you exclaimed, catching a glimpse of the sun still visible, if low, in the sky.

“This isn’t one of Stark’s all-night parties Lady Y/N.” Thor chuckled.

“I guess not.” you grinned, catching Fandral’s eye as he swept past, throwing you a wink.

“He’s become very fond of you. Try and let him down gently won’t you?” Thor teased, seeing the exchange and smiling.

“We’re leaving tomorrow, I don’t think he seriously thought we could be a ‘thing’.” you told him.

“Besides the fact that you so clearly have your sights set on someone else.” Thor grinned.

There was no time to argue, because then he was spinning you around and you were turning to dance with someone else, throwing Thor a rueful look over your shoulder as you did so. He beamed back at you, now dancing with his mother who also threw you a smile, and then you turned to realise that you were dancing with Sven.

“Hello again.” he smiled.

You made small talk with him while you danced, and then spun into the next person’s hold. Odin looked just about as pleased to see you as you felt to see him. You danced in silence for the most of your time together, you trying to avoid eye contact while he seemed to be scrutinising you with his one uncovered eye.

“You dance well.” he told you suddenly; you looked at him in surprise as he span you around slowly.

“Thank you.” you smiled politely, thinly veiling your shock.

You were relieved to be rid of him as you span to your left, hoping that your next partner was a slightly better dancer than Odin. Your wish was well and truly granted. Loki smiled as you spun around to face him, and you smiled back, falling into step with him easily, acutely aware of his hand suddenly resting on your waist.

“Hello.” he murmured; your smile widened unwittingly.

“Hi.” you replied. He was an amazing dancer. Obviously.

“How was that?” he asked.

“How was what?” you replied, having to concentrate twice as hard on talking when your faces were this close together.

“Dancing with Odin.” he said, nodding at him over the top of your head.

“Slow.” you said, and Loki grinned at you. You loved it when you could make him smile; it was a rare privilege.

“He told me I danced well.” you continued, with the tiniest hint of pride.

“Did he?” Loki asked, sounding surprised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing. You’re an excellent dancer.”

“I had a good teacher.” you smiled.

Loki didn’t reply to that; you danced in silence for a few seconds.

“You’re tired.” he said suddenly, a statement rather than a question.

You didn’t ask how he knew this.

“A bit.” you shrugged, as if it wasn’t that bad. It was, and although you were having a great time you’d had a long day and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep. Then he was spinning you around and you reluctantly let go of him and turned to the left to find yourself face to face with Hogun.

_Do you want to go somewhere quieter?_

Don’t overthink it. Don’t.

_Yes._

_After this is over then. Wait for me in the corridor where we came in._

“What’s so funny?” Hogun asked you, with a hint of a smile.

“Nothing.” you replied, smiling broadly. “I’m just in a good mood.”


	34. In which you sneak off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm being really productive at the moment so decided to treat y'all with an extra chapter :) I hope you enjoy it, I know you've been waiting for an eternity but there's not long left to go now... hope you enjoy! x

The corridor was cooler than the hall; almost cold. You were leaning against the wall (out of sight of anyone in the hall) with your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to look inconspicuous in case anyone happened to walk past. A few minutes went by and you began to get bored, wondering if you’d made some sort of mistake. No, Loki had definitely been talking to you, unless there was someone else in the room who he could communicate with through his mind. The thought made you feel vaguely sick.

Just as you were thinking this, Loki walked out of the hall.

“Sorry, I got stuck talking to someone. Come on, quick.” he said, not stopping.

Who had he been ‘stuck’ talking to? You hoped it was that girl. No, that was mean. You still hoped it was her though. And why did you have to be quick? You voiced this question to Loki aloud.

“You’ll see.” was his simple reply, leading the way up a different staircase than the one you’d climbed before.

“I’m intrigued.” you probed, wanting and find out more and trying to work out where you might be going, but it was impossible in this maze of a palace. Loki didn’t reply, exuding something like… trepidation? Annoyance? It was hard to tell when he was practically speed-walking away from you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, frowning.

“Nothing. Hurry up.”

You stopped. After a few paces he stopped too and span around to look at you almost angrily. Thereafter followed a very intense staring contest which only lasted about five seconds, and which you won. Loki’s shoulders slumped and he performed what was possibly the best eye roll you’d ever seen him do and sighed dramatically.

“Do you enjoy being so stubborn?” he asked, walking back towards you, defeated.

“Do you enjoy being so rude to people?” you countered, fighting down a smile.

“Yes.”

You tried to look at him disapprovingly, but you couldn’t hold back the smile which ruined it.

“Not you though. I’m sorry, it’s just some of the people down there…” he said, glaring back down towards the hall, not finishing his sentence.

Ah. That explained it. He looked back at you.

“Go back down if you want. This was -”

“No, I have to find out what this secret is we have to rush to.” you told him, pointing ahead down the corridor.

“Come on then.” Loki said, and you were pleased to noticed he seemed slightly cheered.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as rude.” he told you, now walking alongside rather than ahead of you.

“I know. Who annoyed you, out of interest?” you asked casually.

“Who didn’t.” he scowled; you laughed.

“Odin, for one, he can’t seem to look at me without frowning. And then – in here.” he said suddenly, pointing to the door on your side of the corridor. You pushed it open. And stared. Loki carried on talking, but you didn’t hear a word he said.

The library. Of course it was the library, and it was _huge_ , seeming even bigger because it was mostly shrouded in darkness now that the sun was going down.

“Whoa.” you said. Loki walked past you and beckoned you to follow.

“This isn’t what I wanted to show you, although it is lovely. I spent most of my childhood in here.” he said. You smiled, imagining a tiny Loki sat in here reading one of the massive books which lined the shelves.

You followed him through the dark, musty room, trying not to trip over or walk into anything. When you looked up again, Loki was gone.

“Loki?”

“Through here. You might have to duck.”

You heard him, but still couldn’t see him, until a hand appeared behind one of the bookcases which appeared to be pushed all the way against the wall, but wasn’t.

“Is this safe?” you asked doubtfully, peering at the rotten looking wood behind the bookcase.

“Probably not.” Loki replied.

“How reassuring.” you said, taking his hand and ducking behind the bookcase into the darkness. It was only dark for a second or two, and then to your surprise you were outside. There was a balcony set into the wall, even though there was no door leading to it, only the small gap which you had just clambered through to reach it.

The view was incredible, as it was from any of the palace balconies, but now the sky was painted pink by the crimson red sun which was just disappearing below the horizon. The golden city was bathed in a pink glow. You walked to the edge of the balcony and stared, wanting to ingrain the view in your memory forever; it was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen.

“It would have been better five minutes ago.” Loki said, coming to stand next to you.

“It’s still amazing.” you said.

“It is.” he replied. He wasn’t looking at the sunset.

A minute passed, maybe two, and you both watched the sun disappear below the horizon. Today had been great, but you’d also discovered a lot of new, not great stuff. Loki had tried to kill Thor. Loki _had_ killed his real father. Frigga had stolen your memories. Odin had possibly sent a six-year-old kid to Midgard without her family to protect his reputation.

“What’s wrong?” Loki asked you this time.

“We need to talk.” you said, turning to face him. You saw something flash behind his eyes, but then it was gone and you thought you must have imagined it.

“About?”

“My father told me that you… killed your father.”

Saying it out loud like that to him, so bluntly and plainly, it almost made it worse.

Loki just looked at you, that perfect poker face remaining intact, unmoving. You could see past it though, to the raging emotions behind his eyes. You just didn’t know what they were.

“Did he.” he finally said, turning away to look back out at the view.

“Did you?” you asked.

“Yes.”

He said it without any emotion, just one word which held so much meaning. A long silence followed.

“Thor is _awful_ at telling stories.” you finally said, and Loki looked at you with an expression which was almost grateful.

“Did he tell you about Jane?”

“Who’s Jane?!” you exclaimed.

“That’ll be a ‘no’ then.” Loki smiled.

You shook your head, waiting for an explanation.

“He was… is in love with her. She’s from Midgard.” Loki explained.

“I…” you said, flabbergasted. How had Thor never mentioned that? You felt slightly offended that he’d left out so much of the story, but then again it was a long time ago that he’d told you; you’d barely known each other back then.

“Will you tell me about it? Everything, that is, not Thor’s version of everything which wasn’t everything at all.” you asked Loki. He looked at you.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah… that’s why I asked.” you replied with a confused smile. Loki looked like he was struggling with something, until eventually…

“Okay. It’s a long story.”

“We have a long time.” you countered.

Loki moved to sit on the stone bench which was the only other thing on the abandoned balcony. You joined him; the bench was freezing and you shivered inadvertently. A second later Loki was holding a blanket, and he held it out to you.

“Thanks.” you smiled, unfolding it and wrapping it around your shoulders.

“Okay, shoot. Tell me everything.”

And so he did. You had no idea how long you sat out there for, with him talking and you not interrupting, just listening, but by the time he was finished the sun had gone down and it was almost pitch black; the sky stuck in limbo between light and dark.

His version of events had been the same as Thor’s but from Loki’s point of view, and containing the important parts Thor had left out. He got to the part where he, Thor and Odin had been on the Bifrost and stopped there.

“You know what happens next.” he said.

“Thanos.” you said, and he nodded. You couldn’t decide whether you wanted him to carry on or not, but you were glad when he didn’t. Loki was watching you almost intently, even though neither of you were talking.

“What?” you asked, looking straight back at him.

“You and Thor are the only two who don’t hate me. I… hope this hasn’t changed anything.” he said, turning his gaze away.

“Don’t be stupid, the others don’t _hate_ you.” you replied sharply, and received an unconvinced look in return.

“Okay, so it’s taking some time for you to earn their trust – that doesn’t mean that they _hate_ you.”

“I’m not just talking about Stark and the rest. Everyone on Midgard knows what I did. A whole realm that considers me an enemy. Another one.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

“Well, no. You telling me a story that I already knew most of hasn’t made me hate you if that’s what you were worried about.” you told him matter of factly.

“Good.” he said, and it sounded like he meant it.

“There’s actually something else I need to tell you as well.” you continued. Your heart rate quickened as he turned and looked directly into your eyes. For the love of all things holy. Why couldn’t you just _say_ something, _anything_ , tell him that right at this moment in time you would like nothing more than to throw yourself into his arms and kiss him and make him _yours_ , and that you had hated seeing him dance with those other girls earlier because _you were in love with him_.

You swallowed hard.

“It’s about Odin.”

His face remained totally impassive, apart from a raised eyebrow.

“When I was with my parents earlier today, my father told me that there were rumours that I was actually Odin’s kid. People thought that he’d been unfaithful to Frigga and that’s why I had magic. He said that they thought he may have sent me to Midgard to protect his reputation and that’s why he didn’t want Frigga teaching me how to control your magic.” you told him.

Loki seemed lost in thought.

“Don’t take this the wrong way. Is there any proof that you’re not actually Odin’s child?” Loki asked.

“Yes! My great grandmother was a sorceress; I get my magic from her.” you said defensively.

“Okay! Just checking. It wouldn’t surprise me is all.” he shrugged.

“You really think Odin would do that to Frigga?” you asked. This was absurd, you were discussing the king and queen of Asgard as though they were a high school couple.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” he said.

It was really dark now; you could just make out Loki’s pale features, close enough that you could have reached out and touch him if you’d wanted to. You watched as people started leaving the palace, the dancing must have finished. Tony would be so disappointed, it wasn’t even past midnight yet.

“Let’s go back inside, it’s cold.” you said decisively, standing up with the blanket still wrapped around your shoulders.

“Is it?” Loki asked, not moving.

“Yes, come on.” you probed, walking backwards towards the gap in the wall.

Loki sighed and stood up, following you back through the gap in the wall, this time illuminated purple with your magic so that you didn’t fall over. You walked out of the library and retraced your steps to the staircase by the hall, and then back to your room, neither of you speaking.

“So, how do you like Asgard?” Loki asked you as you reached the room where you were staying.

“It’s incredible. Today has been the most fun I’ve had in ages.” you told him with a smile.

“Good. I thought you might like it here.”

“I love it. And I could get used to living in a palace and having my every need waited on.” you said, looking around at the extravagant décor and high ceilings.

“Trust me, the novelty wears thin after a while. Especially when you go from royalty to being held in a cell down there.” Loki told you, looking down as if he could see through the floor, his jaunty tone so clearly hiding something else. You smiled at him sadly.

“I bet.”

There was a beat of silence, in which the mood swung from light-hearted to something else completely, and you noticed he was discreetly picking at the palm of one of his hands. He stopped the minute he saw you looking, and cleared his throat, appearing to almost brace himself.

“Does it really not bother you? Everything I’ve done?” he asked you.

“I told you, you’ve explained everything and… well I may not fully understand some bits, but you’re still you.” you told him.

“Even though I’m - I’m not…”

“I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.” you told him firmly.

He nodded, just staring at you.

“…Loki?”

“Did you hear me? Earlier, when we were at the table.” he asked.

Your heart started beating slightly faster than necessary again. Was he talking about…?

“After Fandral called me -”

“Exquisite.” he finished for you, holding your gaze, suddenly serious. You didn’t think you could have looked away even if you’d wanted to. Okay, this was happening. Breathe.

“Yeah, I heard.” you said, your voice barely more than a whisper.

“I meant it.” he told you.

You smiled weakly, trying to remain calm. And then, _then_ , he slowly reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, still looking right at you. You held your breath, wondering if your heart had actually stopped.

 _Speak_ Y/N, say something. But you were frozen, stuck gazing into those crystal blue eyes, your mouth slightly open, not breathing. Loki took a step closer to you, letting his hand drop from behind your ear to graze your jaw and you let out a swift exhalation, suddenly remembering that you needed to breathe. Had you been in a more observant state of mind you might have noticed that his hand was shaking like a leaf, but as it was you were so absorbed in his eyes you probably wouldn’t have noticed if someone had set off a bomb in the corridor. He smiled at you, but his eyes were nervous, searching your face, asking for permission.

You’d never actually been in a trance before, but if you had you were sure that this is what it would feel like. Vaguely wondering how much longer your legs were going to remain fully functioning for, you answered Loki’s unspoken question by lifting your face a fraction of a millimetre. He was so tall. You could hear a distant ringing in your ears as he hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your chin the rest of the way, and then your eyes were closing and…

_Crash._

Spell broken, you both turned towards the sound of something very large and expensive being broken.

“Volstagg you _oaf_ , that’s an antique!”

“It wasn’t me! I-”

“It _was_ you, you just fell into it!”

“That is a false accusation!”

The oh-so romantic sounds of Thor and Volstagg yelling at each other while Fandral and Hogun roared with laughter reached your ears, and Loki’s hand dropped back to his side as you started to laugh too, biting your lip as you looked down at the floor. As Thor and the Warriors Three appeared around the corner, roaring with laughter and extremely drunk, Loki stepped away from you and turned to face them instead.

_I think I’m gonna disappear before drunk Fandral spots me._

Loki nodded, not looking at you, glaring down the corridor. A muscle was going in his jaw.

“I should probably… go and fix, uh, whatever that was.” he said, sounding actually _flustered_.

“Yeah, probably. I’ll see you tomorrow.” you said, backing into your room, unable to look at him. Loki nodded distractedly and then strode off, ignoring Thor’s overjoyed greeting.

You waited a while, until the sounds of Thor and the others had completely disappeared, and then sank to the floor with your back against the door, letting your emotions run riot.

_Oh. My. God._


	35. In which you go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hope you're all doing okay, I don't really have anything to say today lolll. Hope you enjoy the chapter! <3

Eventually, you slept well in the massive four poster bed, despite not being able to fall asleep long after you lay down. It was no mystery to you why that was. You woke up early, or you assumed you did, because the sun had only just come up when you got out of bed. It had taken you a second to realise that what had happened last night hadn’t been a dream, and when you did you couldn’t supress the massive grin which spread across your face.

Remembering the promise you’d made to your parents about visiting them again before you returned home, you got dressed and made your way through the palace (assuming you were allowed to leave), eventually managing to find your way out after several wrong turns. There was hardly anyone about as you made your way to your parents’ home and you found yourself once again struck by the sheer beauty of Asgard. You loved it here, and much as you missed your friends and the tower, you weren’t ready to leave yet.

Luckily, Ivor was up and answered the door when you knocked, inviting you in for breakfast. You spent the best part of the morning there, until there was a knock at the door a few hours later.

Thor did _not_ look good. He didn’t suit being hungover.

“Lady Y/N, it is almost time for us to depart. I’m to escort you back to the palace.” he told you, nodding his head as your parents bowed and curtsied.

“Sure, can we have a minute?” you asked, and he nodded and stepped away from the door; your father pushed it shut. Your mother cried again saying goodbye, but you wouldn’t, adamant that you’d visit regularly.

“Be careful around Loki, won’t you.” your father asked, right as you were about to leave.

“I- yes. Of course.” you replied, feeling only slightly guilty.

You had to leave quickly before you got emotional, and Thor didn’t say a word to you as you walked back up to the palace, sensing that you weren’t in a talking mood. And he probably had a splitting headache. You wondered how much the literal god of thunder had to drink before he got drunk enough to have a hangover the next day. A lot.

The throne room was less daunting without Odin sat on the throne; Frigga was talking to Loki at the bottom of the steps leading up to the huge golden seat. When you reached them you received a brief glance of acknowledgment from Loki, nothing more. Which was more than could be said for Thor, you supposed. You could sense the anger Loki felt towards Thor just from standing near to him; you struggled not to feel happy about it. He was angry because Thor had interrupted the two of you last night, when…

“Y/N, I’m so sorry this visit was tainted with bad news. I hope you can forgive Odin and I for what we had to do, and know that you are always welcome here on Asgard.” Frigga was saying, and you snapped out of your daydream to listen to what she was saying.

“Thank you.” you said simply, neither confirming nor denying that you would forgive them. It wasn’t as though Odin was overly bothered, having not even showed up at say goodbye. You wouldn’t forgive them, but you weren’t about to say that to her face, especially when she was looking at you with such kindness and concern. You expected she already knew.

“And before you go, I’m aware there has been some… speculation, about the fact that Odin may be your father.”

At this Thor turned to look at Frigga incredulously, but she held up a hand.

“I want to assure you that this is not the case. Your parents are your biological parents, as I’m sure they reassured you.” she told you.

“Thank you.” you said, unsure of how else to reply. Frigga smiled sadly at you and turned to say goodbye to her two sons, and then you followed Thor back the way you had come, taking one last look back at the magnificent throne room but glad to be escaping outside. Loki caught your gaze as you turned and half smiled at you, not looking directly at you. Nervous.

_Have you ever seen him this hungover?_

You slowed down: an invitation. He accepted, coming to walk beside you.

_Yes, it’s not pretty is it._

_Not exactly._

As you exited the palace and walked back the way you had come only yesterday you found yourself thinking that yesterday felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened in the last day.

“Lady Y/N, wait!”

You turned at the sound of your name being called to see Fandral rushing towards you, flanked by Volstagg and Hogun. Loki groaned exaggeratedly and you tried not to smile.

“You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?” he asked when he reached you, looking concerned.

“No, of course not.” you lied through your teeth.

_Liar._

_You’re one to talk._

Thor approached to say goodbye to his friends, and Fandral drew you to one side, away from the others.

“It has been a pleasure Lady Y/N, I hate to see you leave so soon…”

“I know, but my place is on Midgard, not here.” you told him, not breaking eye contact and hoping that he would understand.

“I understand. Very well, safe travels.” he said looking vaguely disappointed, kissing your hand yet again.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry…”

“No, no, that’s all water under the bridge now.” he said firmly waving his hand, as if it had happened longer ago than ten seconds.

You returned to the group, determinedly ignoring Loki’s pointed looks and said goodbye to Volstagg and Hogun, asking that they say goodbye to Sif for you. No one said goodbye to Loki.

This time there were only two horses waiting for you, instead of three. The same thought flashed through both your and Loki’s heads at exactly the same time, and you couldn’t help but laugh, causing Thor to turn and frown in confusion.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Loki was smiling.

“Do you want to…?” he asked you, gesturing at the horse he had ridden when you arrived.

“I think that would probably be a good idea.” you grinned, looking at Thor who was stood contemplating his horse unenthusiastically.

Loki swung himself up on to the horse, and then turned to offer you a hand to help you up behind him. You grabbed his arm and managed to seat yourself behind him on your first try without making too much of a fool of yourself, which you tried not to feel too smug about. Then you realised you didn’t know where to put your hands.

Thor was slowly making his way to the top of his horse, and when he got there he had to have a rest, looking rather out of breath. Loki shook his head, turning the horse around to face the Bifrost and doing something with his feet to make it go forward. Trying and failing not to laugh at Thor, who did not look like a god of thunder in this moment, you were surprised by the movement and grabbed on to the thing nearest to you, which just so happened to be Loki.

“You’ve really never ridden a horse before?” he asked; you could hear the smile in his voice.

“What do you think?”

Eventually the sound of hooves behind you confirmed that Thor had managed to make his horse move at least. You twisted around to look at him and then immediately wished that you hadn’t when he raised his eyebrows and pulled a face, nodding towards Loki. You retaliated by mouthing something you probably shouldn’t have at him, and then ignored his outraged response with an innocent smile, directing your gaze instead back at the palace and Asgard, which was slowly getting smaller. You would miss it here.

Heimdall was waiting for you at the end of the Bifrost, his expression deadpan as usual as he watched you approach and dismount your horses. Loki helped you down from the horse; the feel of his strong hands on your forearms distracted you so much that you even forgot to laugh at Thor as he half fell off of his horse. You walked to the spot where you had arrived, and Heimdall followed you to take his place at the top of the golden podium-like structure in the centre of the huge sphere-shaped room.

“Farewell Heimdall.” Thor said, saluting him.

“I have a feeling we will see each other again soon. Sooner than you might think.” Heimdall responded; Thor looked up at him, confusion flashing across his features.

Having been momentarily distracted by this odd exchange, you suddenly remembered that when you arrived you’d been holding on to Thor, who currently seemed to have completely forgotten about you. Before you could say anything however, Heimdall was opening the Bifrost, and the whole room started moving and spinning. Would you be alright on your own? Wouldn’t you fall off or something? You needn’t have worried however, because Loki’s arm was around you an in instant, and you grabbed on to him in relief slightly faster than was necessary.

He chuckled, and you scowled up at him only to have the breath knocked out of you when you found yourself at such close quarters with him. Like last night…

“Keep your eyes open this time.” he told you, right as you felt your feet left the ground and you squeezed your eyes tight shut, instinctively tightening your hold on Loki. The falling sensation in your stomach and the sudden loud roaring in your ears confirmed that you were hurtling back to Earth, through _space_ , which gave you no inclination whatsoever to open your eyes.

_I’ve got you. Look._

Retaining your death grip on Loki, curiosity got the better of you and you peeked your eyes open.

It was _amazing._

The sensation was still horrible, but the sight of space, infinite space and stars and planets was almost enough to make up for it. You, Loki, and Thor were encased in a literal rainbow; if you looked up you could see it stretching as far as you could see, the colours glittering and merging as you were transported away to a different realm. Looking down you could see Thor, and then suddenly there was Earth, getting closer and closer until you were approaching it at such speed that you had to close your eyes again…

Your feet hit the ground and you stumbled, letting go of Loki from the impact. You were back on the roof of the Avengers Tower, and it was bright and cold. Thor was bent double a few feet away, looking vaguely green, eyes shut. You sat down on the floor and put your head between your knees, concentrating on breathing, and more importantly not throwing up.

“Look at you two. It’s as if you’re not used to hurtling between realms at unholy speeds.” Loki smirked. You lifted your head and scowled at him again, and Thor just made a noncommittal sound, unmoving.

“Come on, it’s cold.” Loki said to you, holding out a hand. You took it and let him pull you to your feet, and at that moment there was a loud bang from the doorway which led to the stairwell. Tony stumbled out on to the roof, looking first relieved and then extremely confused as he clocked you and Loki hand in hand and Thor looking like he’d just recently stepped out of a washing machine.

You swiftly dropped Loki’s hand and smiled a bit too innocently at Tony.

“Hey!” you said cheerfully, making your way towards him. Steve and Bucky appeared behind him, closely followed by the rest of the team, all of whom looked overly happy to see you after only a day.

“Where have you been?!” Tony yelled, and you stopped walking in confusion as he rushed towards you an encased you in a tight hug.

“Uh… Asgard. Like we said.” you replied, returning the hug in confusion. What was going on?

“You said you’d only be gone for a day or two!” he said accusingly, glaring over your shoulder at Loki as if this was somehow all his fault.

“We were… weren’t we?” you asked, a sudden sinking feeling appearing in your chest as you realised what was happening.

“No… what? You’ve been gone for over a week Y/N. It’s Christmas Eve.” Tony told you, holding you away from him by the shoulders and scanning your face as if he were looking for signs of damage. He’d been worried about you. They all had. The thought of them all being worried about you made your chest swell with a feeling which wasn’t entirely unpleasant. Quite the opposite in fact.

“Time moves unpredictably between realms. Odd for it to have moved so quickly though.” Loki commented from behind you, and you turned to see him leading Thor towards the stairwell.

“He needs to get inside, quickly.”

“What did you _do_ to him?” Steve asked in trepidation as Thor walked mutely past everyone, nodding in way of greeting as if he was afraid to open his mouth.

“He’s hungover.” you explained quickly, seeing Loki practically bristle in indignation and wanting to avoid a confrontation. Everyone ‘ahh’ed in realisation as Loki threw you a look, and unnoticed by anyone else you threw him one right back.

In the elevator Nat squeezed your hand quickly and discreetly, with a look which told you she was glad you were alright. You squeezed back and smiled gratefully. When you reached the living room you discovered that exactly ten days had passed on Earth for the one day you had been on Asgard for, and according to Loki it was unusual for that much time to have passed, but also that time is unpredictable, and you never know when it might change between realms. Thor retired to his room and didn’t appear again until that evening. You also discovered that it was half past eleven in the morning on the 24th of December, and that travelling between realms made you very hungry.

You sat in the living room eating from a massive plate of toast Bucky had made for you while you talked, and watched the others steal slices from it as you told them everything. Well, almost everything. Occasionally a slice of toast would disappear from the plate on the coffee table, and you’d look over to see Loki sat on the kitchen counter, chewing inconspicuously.

Eventually you got bored with answering questions about Asgard and asked about what had happened while you’d been away. It didn’t sound like you had missed an awful lot: there had been no missions and Nat said that she had been bored without anyone ‘capable’ to train with, earning her glares from both Clint and Steve.

“Well, I hope none of you have bought me Christmas presents, because if I was unorganised before I’m definitely unorganised now.” you grinned around the room, and luckily everyone assured you that they hadn’t got you anything either.

“Your present to me can be training a bit later on.” Nat told you, and you eagerly agreed.

Amazing and beautiful as Asgard had been, you were glad to be home.


	36. In which it's Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's safe to say I spent a LONG time on this chapter so if you enjoy it please please let me know! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and left kudos/comments on this story, you guys are the best :) I really hope you enjoy this chapter <3

Apparently, ‘a bit later on’ in Nat’s book meant almost immediately, and so half an hour later you were a in training room stretching with her before you got started.

“So, a royal dance in an Asgardian palace huh? Meet anyone you liked the look of up there?” Nat teased, and you rolled your eyes at her.

“Hardly.” you scoffed, and then felt bad as you remembered Fandral.

“Well, there was this one guy, but he was very eager. And I doubt a long-distance relationship between two realms would work out anyway.” you grinned.

“Honestly, you go to Asgard for a day and you’re already talking like you live there, ‘realms’?” she laughed.

“That’s just what they’re called!” you said defensively.

“I’m joking, it’s great that you got to see where you’re from and meet your parents. Odin sounds like a dick though.” she said.

You only hesitated for a moment before you replied. Would he know you were talking about him?

“Yeah. He is.” you agreed, waiting for a bolt of lightning to appear and strike you down. It didn’t.

“So this eager guy. What’s his name?” Nat asked.

“Fandral.” you replied, straightening up and reaching to tie your hair back.

“I see. And how does Loki feel about Fandral?”

You faltered, turning your gaze to Nat, who was smirking at you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, already feeling yourself turning red.

“Come on, I know you can read my mind.” she grinned.

“I don’t make a habit of it, but if you insist…” you grinned back mischievously, delving into her mind.

She knew that you liked Loki. And she thought that he liked you back. ‘Like’ seemed like such a trivial word, but that’s what entered your mind when you explored Nat’s thoughts. The dislike that she still felt for Loki was prominent too, but you pushed that aside. You could see flashes of memories, of you and Loki smiling at each other and of him watching you across the room; that rare smile which you hardly ever got to see but loved so much. And there was more…

“You guys made a _bet_?!” you asked, outraged as you withdrew from Nat’s mind. She blinked a few times before replying, recovering from having her thoughts intruded upon.

“Yes, we did. Did you kiss him, or did he kiss you?” she asked. She was being serious.

“We – _not_ that it’s any of your business, but we didn’t kiss.” you replied indignantly. She looked outraged.

“Seriously?! Tony’s gonna be so smug.”

“I can’t believe you lot! Tony condoned this bet did he?” you asked, desperate for details.

“He obviously wasn’t happy about it, he’s in denial, but we all know what’s going on between you two. In fact none of us are very happy about it, why’d you have to go for him of all people?” she replied, moving to stand in the middle of the room and gesturing for you to follow.

“Maybe you lot don’t have all the facts.” you suggested, following her to the centre of the room.

“I think the fact that he’s murdered a load of people and tried to kill every one of us here speaks for itself.” she told you, not joking anymore.

It hit home when she put it like that. It made you think, but then you thought back to the conversation you’d had with Loki on Asgard.

_Does it really not bother you? Everything I’ve done?_

_I told you, you’ve explained everything and… well I may not fully understand some bits, but you’re still you._

“Maybe you should reserve your judgement until you’ve listened to what he has to say for himself. It might make you think about him a bit differently.” you said to her, thinking about the scars which covered almost every inch of Loki’s skin which he hid from them to seem less vulnerable. You had to resist the urge to ask her to remind you how many people she herself had killed, but refrained from doing so, hearing her argument already: “That’s _different_ …”

“Maybe you’re right. Even so, it’s clear to see that you’re crazy about him, and him about you. Hence the bet.” she replied.

“Out of interest, who bet what?” you asked, slightly cautiously.

“Everyone bet that he’d kiss you apart from Tony.”

You didn’t know whether to be offended or not that no one thought you would have the guts to kiss him first. Then again, you wouldn’t. Loki would though apparently, and your thoughts started to drift again…

“You’re not telling me something. What happened up there?”

You looked at Nat, who was now regarding you with suspicion. She wasn’t going to let you get away with this one.

“Okay, so we might have _almost_ kissed…”

Your ‘training session’ very quickly turned into a talking session which lasted for just under an hour and a half. After your lengthy chat (in which she had demanded that you tell her _everything_ ) you decided to do some actual training, which meant that you were in the training room for a total of over three hours, and when you emerged back upstairs you were hungry, _again_.

You had a quick shower and made your way back to the kitchen on the hunt for food; then sat eating the massive sandwich you had made yourself in front of the TV in the company of Bucky and Clint. The afternoon passed quickly, and soon everyone apart from Thor and Loki were gathered around the TV, Tony had cracked open some champagne and announced that it was steak for dinner, in honour of it being Christmas Eve. At about five pm Thor made an appearance, earning a slightly tipsy cheer from everyone. He sat next to you on the sofa and waved away the champagne he was being offered, still looking quite queasy.

You were on your third Christmas film of the day, Tony was wearing a Christmas apron and chefs’ hat in the kitchen with his sous chef Pepper, who had insisted on helping with the steaks in case he ‘burnt the whole tower down’, and there was talk of a game of monopoly later on which you were thoroughly looking forward to. You were utterly content… almost.

_Loki?_

_I wondered how long it would be before you asked. I’m not joining you._

_Please? It will be fun. I bet you’ve never even tried steak before._

_It’s just meat. I’ve eaten meat before._

_It’s really, really nice meat._

He was smiling at that. You just knew.

_Pleaseee. For me?_

_It’s not exactly my scene. And they don’t want me there._

_I do. They want to play a board game later, we can cheat at that and beat them all?_

Loki had never had steak before, and as it turned out he quite liked it. You ate on your laps milled around the sofas and kitchen, all complimenting Tony and Pepper on the food, but mostly Pepper, who had taken over when Tony had almost dropped the tray of tomatoes which were to be cooked along with the steak and cut his finger so badly it had bled through three plasters. For dessert there was ice cream, tubs of it, which you made quick work of between the ten of you. Loki discovered a new-found love for ice cream that night.

You insisted upon helping with the dishes, using your magic to speed up the process considerably, and then Tony left the room and returned triumphantly with monopoly, which was met with various degrees of enthusiasm.

“Pair up, it won’t work with ten of us.” he instructed, setting the game down on the coffee table. Tony and Pepper, Nat and Clint, Steve and Bucky, and you and Loki squashed yourselves on to the sofas around the board; Thor had eaten an obscene amount of food and was currently snoozing on the floor with a pillow under his head (curtesy of you), and Bruce was happy to look on as the ‘banker’.

_This had better be worth it._

Loki was looking at the board and cards unenthusiastically. You were hyper aware of how close you were sat to him on the sofa.

_It will. We’ll win. We just need to be careful._

_Who says we’ll have to cheat?_

_Very optimistic of you. Just wait._

The rules were briefly explained for the benefit of Steve, Buck and Loki, and then the game began. It got heated _very_ quickly.

“You _can_ collect rent when you’re in jail! Look in the rules, it says- ”

“Too late, sorry, Tony already rolled.”

“No! Go back, that’s cheating!”

This went on for about two and a half hours; you and Loki got an hour in before you started to lose money fast and had to have a diplomatic discussion through your minds ( _You said we could cheat. Yeah, go on then.)_ and decided that it was in your best interests to start stealing 100 notes out of the ‘bank’ using illusions (it was too risky to steal 500s, someone would notice), and a few times even from Nat and Clint’s pile when they threw the dice before poor Steve or Bucky had time to realise someone had landed on their property. Inevitably they were out first, (you’d never seen either of them look so confused), and then Nat and Clint when they landed on Tony and Pepper’s Oxford Street with a hotel. It got to eleven pm before you and Pepper managed to convince Loki and Tony that you’d run out of hotels and it was time to count the money and see who had the most to announce the winner. _Shockingly_ , you and Loki had the most, which Tony was most unamused with and resorted to reminding you of how much money he had in real life so technically he had won the only monopoly that really mattered: real life monopoly. That did nothing to wipe the smug smirk off of Loki’s face.

_You realise we cheated our win, don’t you?_

_But we won._

_Yeah, by cheating._

_But we beat Stark._

You decided to give up and let Loki take the win, deserved or not.

Thor went to bed first, despite the protests from everyone else that he should stay until midnight. Twelve o’ clock came and went, and it was Christmas Day. With the prospect of a long day tomorrow everyone else followed in Thor’s footsteps and started to leave the room; you were torn between wanting to go to bed and wanting to be alone with Loki for a bit. You hadn’t spoken about last night yet. You didn’t know whether you wanted to or not.

Eventually nerves got the better of you and you stood up and announced that you were going to bed. Nat, Bruce and Loki were the only ones left in the room at this point, and following your announcement Nat and Bruce swiftly stood up and said goodnight too. You felt unnecessarily nervous and a bit guilty as you followed them from the room, leaving Loki on his own in the living room.

_Y/N?_

You stopped, and turned around slowly. Why was your heart pounding?

“Yeah?” you replied, trying to slow your heartrate.

Loki stood up and beckoned you over, walking towards the window.

“Look.”

Confused now, you crossed the room to stand next to him at the window and looked outside.

It was snowing.

“Snow! This is so cool, it’ll be a white Christmas.” you enthused, watching the snow fall thick and fast outside the window. How had you not noticed it before?

“Midgard is odd. It’s just frozen rain and yet everyone will think it’s some sort of miracle.” Loki said.

“Loki, it’s Christmas Day. Could you try and refrain from making unnecessary sarcastic comments for just one day?” you teased.

“I suppose. But the whole concept of ‘Christmas’ is just baffling. Why is there a tree over there? And why are there plants hanging from the ceiling?” he asked, gesturing towards the mistletoe Bucky had insisted on hanging in almost every doorway in the tower. You grit your teeth. _Why_ did he have to bring up the mistletoe?

“Oh. Uh… that’s mistletoe. People are meant to kiss under it, I don’t know why or what the story behind it is.” you said, turning your gaze back to the falling snow outside.

After that, everything happened extremely quickly.

“If you ask me it’s kind of…” you trailed off as you caught sight of something happening above your head in the reflection of the window. You stared at it for a moment, confused, and then realisation slammed into you like a truck. Looking up so fast you almost cricked your neck, you saw the mistletoe growing from the ceiling above your head as if by magic. Green magic. Something weird was happening in your chest, like all the times you’d ever felt anything towards Loki before all squashed into your chest at the same time and there wasn’t enough room and it was crushing your lungs and now you couldn’t breathe -

Eventually you remembered that Loki was actually stood next to you, and dropped your gaze from the ceiling to his face. He was _blushing_.

“Kind of…?” he prompted you, searching your face in the same manner as he had the previous night, like he was trying to find something.

What was he talking about? You were certain that your ribcage was about to explode. There was a loud thundering noise in your ears. Suddenly you were overcome by the overwhelming urge to laugh, and erupted into giggles. Loki’s face split into a relieved, almost apologetic grin. He took a tentative step towards you, and as he did so you were flooded with a sudden surge of utter adoration towards him. You loved him. And if he didn’t make a move very soon you were not going to be held responsible for your actions.

You bit your lip as you stopped laughing, and when you looked back at him his eyes were fixated on your lips.

_Kiss me._

The thought had been loud, and you knew he’d heard it as his eyes met yours. That had been unplanned. Or had it?

Loki was staring at you as though you were some exotic creature he’d never seen before in his life, a small smile still tugging at the edge of his mouth.

“Kiss you?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. Teasing you.

“ _Loki_ ,” you breathed in exasperation, closing your eyes momentarily as he took a step forward to close the gap between you, “please.” Then his hands were reaching for your waist and pulling you towards him, and your arms were circling around his neck, and he stopped as your lips were mere centimetres apart.

“What are you waiting for?” you whispered, feeling increasingly lightheaded. You couldn’t take it anymore. Were you dreaming?

Loki smirked at you (which incidentally almost made your knees give out), and then leaned down, closing his eyes, and brushed his lips against yours. It was barely a kiss, but if he hadn’t been holding on to you, you felt sure you would have been knocked off your feet. When you opened your eyes he was resting his forehead against yours, gazing at you.

“Y/N-”

That did it. Hearing him say your name like that, in a sort of hoarse whisper, tipped you over the edge and you pressed your lips against his, hard. Loki kissed you back readily, his hands sliding from your waist up to the small of your back, crushing you against him. You were pleased to note that his heart was hammering almost as fast as yours was.

After a while (you weren’t sure how long it lasted for, it could have been several days and you probably wouldn’t have noticed) it suddenly hit you: you were actually kissing him. And he was kissing you back. You laughed into the kiss, or it might have been a relieved sob. Either way, suddenly Loki wasn’t kissing you anymore, and you reluctantly opened your eyes as he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” you breathed, smiling. Nothing had ever been less wrong, ever.

“Good.” he said, and then he was kissing you again, and you were in heaven, surely this was heaven.

After another unspecified amount of time you suddenly remembered that you needed to breathe; you pulled away and gasped, feeling more than slightly elated. Loki was smiling, keeping a tight hold on you while you recovered. When the thundering in your ears had decreased slightly, you looked back at him, still trying to remember how to breathe. He was looking at you in such a way that you thought you might just melt into a puddle on the floor.

_Are you okay?_

You opened your mouth, but no sound came out, and you just stood there blinking at him, wondering how and why this beautiful _god_ had decided to kiss _you_ of all people... You’d have to rely on your mind, your vocal chords appeared to be broken.

_Yes. God, yes._

His smile stretched wider, and you smiled too when he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours, squeezing you gently.

_Finally._


	37. In which you open your mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I was so happy at the barrage of happy comments that the last chapter prompted, I was so hoping that you'd like it! This chapter is basically just a whole lot of fluff, enjoy! <3

_Finally._

You don’t know how long you stood there like that, just holding each other next to the window, but you never wanted to move. Ever. Apart from after about five minutes your arms started to cramp, so you moved to the sofa instead.

As you sat down, Loki took your hands in his and you smiled at him, only to become instantly concerned when you saw he was looking at you seriously.

“That was…” here he nodded towards where you’d been stood at the window and fought to find the words, which you couldn’t help but feel quite smug about.

“Amazing.” he finally concluded, looking back at you. You smiled nervously. There was a but coming.

“But I just… I need you to be sure. I need you to be certain that this is what you want, because…”

“I am.” you interrupted, and he swallowed, still looking unsure.

“Are you? You’ve been drinking, and I don’t know whether…” he was rambling; you never heard him do that before, he was usually so literate and composed. While he talked you were suddenly struck with an idea. You only hesitated for a moment before letting your mind open fully, completely, for what was perhaps the first time since you found out that Loki could hear your thoughts. You’d opened it before to communicate with him, but you’d always left some part obscured, hidden out of the way so that he didn’t find out how you felt. There was hardly any need for that now. As you let go, you experienced a blissful sort of relaxation descending upon you; it was as if you’d had a headache which you hadn’t realised was there, but now it was gone you felt a million times lighter.

Loki faltered in his explanation as he realised what you were doing.

“You want to know how sure I am?” you asked, feeling oddly calm about letting someone into your mind with no filter. You trusted him.

_Are you sure?_

You’d never heard his voice so clearly in your mind before. It made you smile. You nodded, closing your eyes, your hands still encased in his. It felt weird when he entered your mind. Not unpleasant exactly, just odd, but you soon got used to it. After a few minutes the feeling disappeared, and you opened your eyes to see Loki looking so totally shell shocked you burst out laughing.

“I… you – since…?” he stuttered, staring at you in disbelief, and you just nodded, unable to stop smiling. After a few more seconds of this he abruptly pulled you towards him and kissed you again, and ten minutes ago you wouldn’t have thought it possible but this time might have even been better than the first. Time became extraordinarily irrelevant while you were kissing him, so again you weren’t sure how long it lasted for, only when he pulled away this time you would have much rather he hadn’t have.

You made a noise of protest and opened your eyes; he was frowning in concentration, listening?

_What is it?_

_Someone’s coming._

“Shit.”

This you said aloud in a sort of shout-whisper, and made to get up from the sofa, but Loki pulled you back down swiftly and you felt an illusion descend over the two of you as the sound of footsteps reached your ears. You were half lying down, practically on top of Loki on the sofa, now invisible, and you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing when you thought of what Tony would think if he knew what was going on. Oh no. What was Tony going to say? Actually, you knew exactly what he was going to say.

Loki met your gaze, having heard what you’d thought and cocked an eyebrow.

_Who cares what Stark thinks?_

_Me!_

The footsteps had now entered the room, and someone was now padding barefoot around the kitchen. You tried to work out who it was from the sound of their movements.

_It’s Barton._

_How can you tell?_

_I can hear him hating me._

You rolled your eyes at the joke.

_He doesn’t hate you._

_He does, and with good reason._

You didn’t have an answer for that one. After another minute or two Clint left the kitchen, and Loki waited until it was silent again before lifting the illusion and you both sat up.

“How are we gonna tell the others?” you asked nervously.

“We won’t.” Loki replied simply.

“…how can we not?” you frowned.

“Why do we have to? Surely they’ll work it out for themselves sooner or later.” he countered.

“Well… okay.” you conceded, deciding to let it drop for the moment.

“Isn’t it your turn now anyway?” you grinned, nodding at his head, referring to him opening his mind to you. He hesitated.

“I don’t… sorry – you don’t have to.” you backtracked quickly.

“I want to. I’m not trying to hide anything from you, I promise. It might just… take some time.” Loki said to you, looking at you in concern as if that wasn’t perfectly fine.

“You don’t have some secret lover back on Asgard that you’re not telling me about do you?” you joked, and his face split into a relieved smile.

“No. It would appear that you do though.” he added with a pointed smile, thinking of Fandral as he spoke. You whacked him on the arm playfully.

“Fandral’s not my type.” you told him.

“Oh?” he smiled and you nodded matter of factly.

“I hated watching you dance with him.” he continued, suddenly serious, shifting so that you were sat closer together.

“I hated watching you dancing with those Asgardian girls.” you scowled.

“You weren’t watching me, you were too caught up with Fandral. I was only dancing with them because I couldn’t stand watching you dancing with anyone else.” Loki insisted.

“What’s this? Could it be… jealously? Surely not.” you teased, smirking.

“I wasn’t jealous. Slightly… envious, perhaps.” he corrected you.

“That means the same thing!” you laughed.

“Well then, maybe I was jealous.” Loki admitted. You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Why? You had your pick of the girls in that room.” you grinned, only half joking.

“Why was I jealous that he was dancing with you?” Loki asked, suddenly looking at you rather intensely. You suddenly couldn’t do anything other than nod.

_Why me?_

“Why you? Where to begin? When I first got here, to Midgard, you were the only interesting one here, not to mention the only one besides Thor who wouldn’t rather I was dead.”

Here you made a noise of protest, but he ignored your remonstrations and carried on.

“The fact that I couldn’t read your mind drew me to you, and then two days later you were asking me to throw a knife at you. You knew what I’d done, who I was, and you handed me that knife and told me to throw it at you.”

“And you did throw it.” you reminded him.

“You asked me too.” he countered, smiling when you laughed.

“I’m trying to prove a point here. I couldn’t read your mind. You asked me to throw a knife at you. You threw yourself down nine flights of stairs in training behind Thor’s back and broke both your legs. You watched a bomb go off in a building and your first thought was to run towards it and try and hold the building up on your own.”

“You had to save me from that one.” you said.

“Yes, but that’s not the point. You’re amazing. Not to mention you are the most stunningly gorgeous creature I have ever laid my eyes on.” he told you, and your face flamed red under his gaze.

“You’re going to have to up your game I’m afraid, Fandral told me I was -”

“ _Exquisite_ , yes, I am aware.” he smiled.

“Well, point proven I guess.” you muttered, still unbelievably bright red from the barrage of compliments you had just received.

“Good.” he said, leaning back in satisfaction.

“So… mistletoe huh? How long had you been planning that one for hm?” you asked. Now it was his turn to go slightly red.

“For about five minutes before it happened.” he admitted.

“So you do know the tradition.” you smirked.

“Of course, the story comes from Norse mythology on Midgard. I’m part of it.” Loki informed you, which a slight bitterness in his tone.

“I’m guessing you don’t come off well in the story?” you asked, and received a stoic smile in return.

He may not have opened his mind completely to you, but you could hear the worried, guilty thoughts which followed this exchange, crystal clear. He thought of the New York attack, of the Midgardians who had been killed by the Chitauri, and of Jotunheim, and…

You reached out to take his hands on yours and stop the stream of thoughts, but he withdrew his hands before you could touch them.

“How can you absolve me of everything I’ve done so readily?” he asked you; the guilt he felt now clear for you to see in his eyes. You wished the others could see this side of him, maybe they’d finally forgive him, if only partially. But he would never show vulnerability in front of any of them, not like this. That triggered the memory of seeing his scars, and you only now realised that he was covering them with an illusion still.

“Your scars, you’re covering them.” you said, momentarily forgetting the question he’d asked you.

If he was thrown by the sudden change of topic he didn’t show it. He just shrugged.

“Habit.”

“You don’t have to hide them. In front of me, or the others.” you told him sincerely.

“It’s just easier like this.” he replied, in a tone which suggested it might be wise for you to change the subject. Fine, back to what he’d said earlier.

“I’m not _absolving_ you of anything. I don’t know how you can blame yourself _wholly_ for what happened here when it wasn’t -”

“It _was_ me. It was.” he insisted.

“Physically, yes. But… back on Asgard you told me that he, Thanos, altered your memories. And you were being controlled by the stone in that staff thing.”

He smiled, even if it looked painful.

“The mind stone, in the scepter.” he corrected you.

“That one. So how can you say that it was you, truly?”

He blamed himself entirely. Even after all that he’d had to endure. He couldn’t reply to what you asked of him, just shaking his head mutely. You hated listening to him loathing himself, so you decided to put a stop to it, scooting across the sofa to lean against him and take his hands in yours. He pulled them away from you again, but this time it was to shift into a position where he could wrap his arms around you, tight.

“You’re not a bad person Loki.” you whispered, pressing your face against his arm. He just shook his head, resting his chin against the top of your head.

“You jumped in front of a bullet for me. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

You felt his head jerk up at that.

“You know about that?”

“Yeah, Bucky saw you.” you twisted around to look up at him. He was frowning lightly.

“I don’t think I ever said thank you for that.” you said, making him look at you, your faces inches apart.

“It was nothing.” he told you, the corner of his mouth quirking up as you scowled good naturedly.

“And listen, I almost killed a man when I was six years old, so if you’re going to insist upon being a bad person for something that wasn’t entirely your fault then we can start a club.” you told him, making him laugh involuntarily, his chest vibrating with the noise next to your head. Was it possible to hear him laugh like that and _not_ smile? You doubted it.

You were silent for a while, you curled against him with his arms around you and your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat in utter contentment.

“Did Thor say anything to you about us being… soulmates?” Loki asked you after a while, putting emphasis on the word as if it made him nervous.

“Yeah, he did. Did you know about the superstition?” you replied.

“Yes. But I never even thought about it until he mentioned it. I don’t know if I believe in it or not.” he said.

“I don’t know. When you got shot back at the party… I didn’t see you, but I knew something had happened. It was in my chest, I couldn’t breathe properly.” you told him, thinking back to how awful the feeling had been.

“I haven’t had anything like that. Except… when you were kidnapped on that mission. I thought something was wrong before the others got back, and I was right. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it though.” Loki said, his arms tightening around you an infinitesimal amount. You smiled at the thought of him worrying about you all those weeks ago. If only you’d known.

“I looked in the library when we were on Asgard; mother said there might be some books with information about the myth. I only found one, it was quite vague, but it said that the connection isn’t noticeable until the two people meet, when it starts to get stronger. That would explain why you didn’t feel anything when I’ve been in danger before.” he continued, and you nodded, intrigued.

“Maybe Thor wasn’t just saying it to try and set us up.” you grinned and practically _heard_ Loki roll his eyes.

“My brother is a nightmare.”

“He loves you. And I know you love him too.” you said, smiling when he huffed in indignation. But there was no counter argument.

“What if we are actually soulmates? If we are ‘meant to be’? What happens?” you asked.

“I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose. Apart from the fact that we’ll always know when the other is in danger or feeling a particularly strong emotion, and according to that book if the connection is really strong when one of the pair dies the other will feel like a part of them is dead or missing too.” Loki said.

“That’s a bit morbid. Did you have to tell me that?”

“It doesn’t matter, neither of us are going to die anytime soon.”

“Don’t jinx it!” you exclaimed in horror.

“Saying it won’t ‘jinx’ it.”

“It might.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Loki told you fondly.

“Well, you’re stuck with me now.” you informed him happily.

“I can live with that.” he replied, squeezing you.

You lapsed into silence again, and after a while you began to feel your eyelids drooping. Soon you were fighting to stay awake, and then Loki started lightly running his fingers through your hair. That did it. You’d never fallen asleep quicker in your life. Or happier.


	38. In which it's Christmas Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff! Enjoy ;)

When you woke up, you were in your own bed. Remembering what had happened the night before felt like getting slapped across the face… but in a good way. Fleetingly, you wondered if it had all been a cruel dream and the kiss hadn’t really happened at all, but you felt different. Lighter. Your mind was completely open, you weren’t hiding anything anymore. It had happened; Loki must have carried you to bed. The thought made you feel slightly faint, but again, in a good way.

And it was Christmas! Never before had the prospect of Christmas Day been more exciting to you. A quick glance at your clock told you that it was just after eight am; you got out of bed (gladly noting that you were still wearing yesterday’s clothes, that would have been awkward) and had a quick shower before getting dressed and making your way to the living room.

Outside, the snow was still falling thick and fast; New York was quieter than you’d ever heard it without the usual sound of traffic and commuters going about their daily business drifting up from the streets below. Bruce, Thor and Loki were already up, an unlikely trio occupying three different sofas, and Tony and Pepper were sat at the kitchen island reading something on a tablet. As you entered the room there was a chorus of “Merry Christmas!” from everyone apart from Loki.

“Merry Christmas guys.” you replied happily, receiving a hug from Pepper, and then sat yourself down on the same sofa as Loki, far enough away for it not to be suspicious but close enough that Thor gave you one of his pointed looks. Loki smiled at you briefly as you sat down, but then looked away when Thor turned to you. You were almost sat where you had been last night.

_Good morning._

So normal. Like nothing had happened.

_Hey. I don’t seem to remember going to bed last night._

_That would be because you didn’t. I didn’t think Stark and the others would appreciate finding us here this morning._

_How thoughtful of you._

_I try._

You fought back a smile. Thor was very audibly thinking that something was different between you and Loki, and you turned to look at him questioningly. He just shrugged innocently and pulled a face, clearly conveying that he knew something was going on.

_We’re not gonna be able to keep this from Thor for long, you know that. Or any of the others for that matter._

Loki sighed almost imperceptibly, but didn’t reply. He knew alright.

Over the next half an hour the rest of the team filtered into the living room and exchanged a _lot_ of “Merry Christmas!”s, and then some other people arrived (they looked like waiters) to turn the kitchen island into a long table for ten and set it for what you assumed would be Christmas dinner later on. You were proved wrong when Tony came and sat next to you (squashing himself in between yourself and Loki rather than on your other side where there was plenty of room, which Loki wasn’t exactly pleased about), and told you that he’d hired a team of kitchen staff to cook for the ten of you today. You dreaded to think how much they were charging, but you couldn’t say that you minded exactly, especially when breakfast was brought in and it was your absolute favourite breakfast dish.

You ate all together and then had your plates cleared by the waiters, and then to your horror when you all gathered back in the living room there were _presents_.

“You guys said you didn’t get me anything!” you protested, as you were handed a small pile of presents.

“Well, I was telling the truth.” Clint told you plainly, and Thor, Steve and Bruce nodded in agreement, making you laugh.

“Don’t feel bad, it’s only small.” Nat told you, as you unwrapped a pair of gorgeous earrings set with amethysts.

“Denied. I feel awful. Thank you so much, I love them!” you exclaimed, getting up to hug her.

Tony had made you a simple looking silver bracelet which, when activated, connected to everyone’s earpieces and projected a screen on to your arm, allowing you to see everyone’s locations alongside a whole bunch of other cool stuff which he said he’d explain to you another time.

Bucky had got you something silly; an inside joke from weeks ago, and after that you were content to sit back and watch everyone else open their presents. Loki had nothing, which you supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised about, but it still made you sad.

_No sympathy, please._

_I’m sorry._

_Were you really expecting them to forgive me so quickly and eagerly that they bought presents?_

_I guess not. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything._

_Yes, well. I’m crushed._

You couldn’t help the smile which forced its way onto your lips, and determinedly avoided looking at Thor, who was looking between you and Loki almost gleefully.

Once all the presents had been opened the TV was switched on and the first of what you were sure would be many Christmas films started to play. Tony pulled more champagne out of the kitchen cupboard (“Tony it’s half past ten, put the alcohol _down_.” “Oh don’t be such a killjoy, it’s Christmas!”) and forced a glass on each of you, even Loki, who eyed it suspiciously before taking a sip. He looked pleasantly surprised at the taste.

“Merry Christmas!” Tony toasted, and you all raised your glasses.

The next few hours passed in a haze of laziness and happiness. Bruce became outraged when he learnt that you didn’t know how to play chess and insisted on teaching you; which was more funny than anything with Tony trying to coach you at regular intervals over your shoulder and Bruce telling him that he had no idea what he was talking about and that “under _no_ circumstances should you ever listen to Tony when chess is involved”. After you’d played Bruce four times with no success you decided that chess wasn’t one of your strengths and instead joined Thor on the sofa with Nat, who was trying in vain to explain the plot of ‘Elf’ to him.

Then someone produced Trivial Pursuit and you had to quickly explain to Loki that this wasn’t a game you could easily cheat at before he got himself into a difficult situation. You sat on the floor around the board with Nat, Bruce, Tony and Clint and played for about ten minutes before Loki got the gist of it and started thinking of ways to cheat.

_Just read their minds when they have the answer in front of them._

_No!_

_Why not?_

_Did it occur to you that I might be able to win_ without _cheating?_

_No, you’re doing terribly._

You supressed an eye roll and rolled the dice. It landed on one. You could practically feel the smugness radiating from Loki who was sat in the sofa behind you.

_Shut up._

_I didn’t say anything!_

_Shush._

You lost. Terribly. Luckily though there was no time to dwell, because there were some delicious looking and trays full of food being delivered to the table in the kitchen, filling the room with gorgeous aromas. Everyone gathered swiftly around the table; breakfast had only been a few hours ago but it had been perfectly portioned so that you were all hungry enough to want to eat again now. You were sat with Loki to your right and Bucky to your left, opposite Nat who threw you a particularly un-subtle look which was obviously a gesture to the fact that you and Loki had chosen to sit next to each other. Loki noticed this and brushed his hand against your leg under the table; Nat thought that you flamed red because of her look. She was wrong. Loki was smiling.

Tony cut the turkey: an extraordinary feat because it was about the size of a small car. Eventually everyone had food on their plates, but Pepper stopped everyone before they started eating, waving her cracker in the air.

“Crackers first!”

You grabbed your cracker which was on the table in front of your plate in your right hand and passed it under your left arm to Bucky, holding your left hand out around your chest to Loki, who looked bewildered, but soon cottoned on when he saw everyone doing the same and forming a chain around the table.

_This is absurd._

_This is Christmas!_

You counted down from three and everyone pulled, causing an inconsistent series of bangs around the table. You were left holding two ends; Loki had bested you and Thor, who was sat to his right, winning two crackers. He looked at least vaguely pleased as he noticed that you were empty handed and handed one of his crackers to you.

“Ah, he does have a heart.” you muttered, accepting the gift with a smile.

“It would seem so.” he replied, unheard by anyone else around the table.

You had one of those ridiculous oversized paper clips which would never realistically be used for anything, and jammed your paper hat on to your head in annoyance.

“I always get the rubbish stuff.” you complained when Bucky laughed.

“As opposed to what? The amazing stuff you get from crackers?” he teased.

“I would be happy with a fortune fish. Or a mini stapler, they’re really useful!” you decided, scowling when Clint waved a fortune fish at you from across the table.

“Oh no, I got one of them when I was a kid and stapled my thumb accidentally. That was not a fun Christmas dinner.” Pepper told you; you and Bucky creased with laughter.

Loki was regarding the paper hat and mini spinning top he had pulled from his cracker with suspicion; whereas Thor was delightedly examining the tiny card set he had won.

_Absurd._

_Just wear the hat you Scrooge._

_What’s a Scrooge?_

_It’s from a film, I’ll tell you later._

Then you ate. And ate. And ate some more, until you were convinced that you would never be able to move from the chair you were currently sat in ever again. You couldn’t remember ever being this happy; finally you knew how it felt to have a _proper_ Christmas Day. With a family. You thought back to last Christmas which you had spent in your room, present-less, listening to your foster parents get drunk with some of their friends from across the hall.

Loki, who was fixated on an intense debate with Thor about some Asgardian politics, shifted slightly in his chair to press his leg against yours under the table. He’d heard your thoughts. You were suddenly overcome by an intense urge to be back in his arms again.

_Later._

_I’ll hold you to that._

_I’d like nothing more._

The waiters came back and cleared your plates, and at the mention of dessert there was a collective groan from around the table.

“Would it be possible for us to have dessert a bit later on?” Tony asked one of the waiters, who nodded.

“Preferably in about two weeks.” Clint added.

It was another twenty minutes before you recovered enough from the enormous amount of food you had just eaten to move yourself from the table to a sofa, where you collapsed. The others followed suit, splaying across the sofas or, in Clint’s case, the floor.

“I’m going into a food coma.” he groaned.

You knew how he felt.

Home Alone was playing; after a while the urge to lie back against Loki (who was leaning back against the arm of the sofa behind you) and just go to sleep became almost overwhelming.

_Just come here Y/N._

_You know I can’t._

_Why?_

_Tony will have a heart attack. Nat and Clint will try and fight you. Thor will explode._

_Fair enough._

_We have to tell them though. Just not today._

_Maybe._

You rolled your eyes. Thor beamed at you, and then Loki.

“Tony, what’s happening with the New Year’s party?” Nat suddenly asked.

“It’s happening. That’s all that’s planned at the moment.” Tony replied.

“That’ll be good then. Just us getting drunk and some music?”

“No! I won’t forget this year. It’s going to be amazing.” he asserted.

You were filled with excitement at the thought of another party. Loki not so much.

By the time the film ended Steve, Thor, Bruce and Tony had all fallen asleep, Nat and Clint were lying on the floor engaged in an intense game of Battleships, Bucky was reading a book and Pepper had disappeared downstairs to ask the kitchen staff if they could bring dessert up.

You were comfy enough to go to sleep, and might actually have drifted off if Loki hadn’t suggested going up to the roof through your mind. He left first, largely unnoticed, and you followed about three minutes later, groaning exaggeratedly as you removed yourself from the sofa, earning a laugh from Clint and a knowing grin from Nat as you left the room.

Loki was waiting for you in the hallway and held out a hand for you as you approached him. You took it, and suddenly you were on the roof. You staggered, blinking a few times to make sure you weren’t hallucinating.

“Maybe tell me when you’re about to do that next time?” you suggested to a grinning Loki.

“Sorry. It’s quicker than taking the elevator.” he replied, pulling you towards him and putting his arms around you.

It was still snowing, but not as heavily now, flurries of snowflakes falling gently and chasing each other through the air rather than hurtling straight towards the ground. New York was painted white: the snow a colourless blanket which covered everything and muffled any sound which tried to emerge from amongst it. And it was _cold_.

“It’s so beautiful.” you said, turning your head sideways to rest against Loki’s chest as you looked out across the white, glittering city.

Loki made a noncommittal sound in response, and you turned instead to look up at him. He really was beautiful, especially with little bits of snow getting stuck in his hair. You smiled at the sight, and then he was kissing you again and everything else was forgotten; for the minute the only things you were aware of was the feel of his lips against yours and his arms wrapped tight around you. Eventually though the chill which was slowly making its way to your bones became too much, and a violent shiver ran through you which made Loki pull away.

“Let’s go back inside.”

“No, not yet.” you insisted, turtling inside your hoodie for warmth and wrapping your arms around him tighter, before realising that he wasn’t exactly a source of heat. You fit exactly underneath Loki’s chin; he rested his head on top of yours as you stood in the snow.

“I don’t want to have to hide from the others. They deserve to know anyway.” you said, and felt Loki nod.

“Yes, but you’ll just have to find the right time to tell them.”

“I think you mean _we_.”

“Fine, but I’m not telling Stark. I’ll tell Thor.” he said, and you laughed.

“You’ll have to watch it, he might try and hug you.”

“You’re right. Maybe I will tell Stark.” he grimaced, making you smile.

“Tony will be fine about it. Eventually. They all will.” you told him.

He didn’t reply. You stood like that for a while longer before you started shivering almost uncontrollably and Loki forced you back inside out of the snow. The rest of the day passed in a happy blur of dessert, lots more alcohol, an intense couple of hours of Wii Sports and drunk dancing until late at night.

The Avengers, as it turned out, knew how to do Christmas properly.


	39. In which you get caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope y'all are doing okay, thank you so much for 8000 reads on here I'm so happy this story is being read and enjoyed! Also I made a twitter account for incorrect marvel quotes, if you're on there my user is @elsmissesloki (naturally) :) Hope you enjoy this chapter <3

The next few days leading up to New Year’s Eve and the party passed in a blur. You’d never been so happy; like the rest of the world the days in between Christmas and New Year’s in the Avengers Tower consisted of doing absolutely nothing apart from watching reruns of Christmas films, eating and sleeping. You’d suggested training a couple of times to Nat who had said that you would ‘tomorrow’, but you just never seemed to get round to it. You couldn’t say you minded, particularly.

You also still hadn’t got around to telling the others about the situation with you and Loki, but you didn’t want to ruin the blissful atmosphere which had been gracing the tower recently. Besides, you suspected that at least half of them already knew, and Loki wasn’t exactly eager to share this information with anyone. You’d been snatching moments together when you could, but it wasn’t often; someone was always around and when they weren’t you were constantly listening out for footsteps. Which is why the last couple of nights you’d been sneaking into Loki’s room after everyone had gone to bed to make up for the time you weren’t getting to spend alone with each other during the day. It was completely innocent, but you knew that Tony would have a fit if he found out about it. Loki had reassured you that he wouldn’t fall asleep so that if Tony did come knocking for whatever reason or there was a mission, he could get you back in your room before he realised anything was off.

You’d been staying awake with him until the early hours of the morning talking about anything and everything, and then falling asleep only to wake up back in your own bed later that morning. Last night, however, you had tried to get a full night’s sleep because tomorrow was New Year’s and you had a strong feeling that there would not be a lot of sleeping going on.

You woke up early on the last day of the year, having gone to sleep earlier than you had in a long time last night, and were surprised to find yourself still in Loki’s room. Loki was lying on his back with his eyes shut, one arm around you and one arm behind his head.

“You said you wouldn’t fall asleep.” you mumbled into his chest, shifting closer to him. His arm tightened around you and he ran his cool fingers lightly over your back.

_I’m not asleep, nor have I been. I’m resting._

Spending so much time alone together had taken its toll on your communication skills, sometimes you’d be talking aloud and gradually lapse into talking through your minds instead, without even realising you’d done so until five minutes later.

_Why am I still in here then?_

_Because I’m quite enjoying this, if that’s alright with you._

You smiled, humming your agreement.

_However, my arm has been dead for about three hours. Can we swap sides?_

You fell back asleep after swapping sides for a few hours, and only woke up again because Loki woke you.

“The others will wake up soon.” he told you, untangling himself from you, and you reluctantly got up and crept invisibly back to your room across the hall.

Half an hour later you were showered, dressed and having breakfast in the kitchen with Tony, who had obviously tried and failed to sleep before the party tonight. He looked tired, as per usual as he scrolled through something on the tablet on the table in front of him. You’d inadvertently heard his thoughts, and Pepper’s; you knew of the nightmares and flashbacks he had of the New York attack and the wormhole, the reasons he had such trouble sleeping. It was no surprise he was finding it hard to forgive Loki.

“Kid? You with me?” he asked, and you nodded, returning to the conversation.

“Sorry. Yeah, what were you saying?”

Tony continued to talk about the party, but you quickly became distracted again when Loki walked into the room. He really was very attractive. This rather loud thought earnt you an appraising look as he walked over to the coffee machine behind you, and you grinned at him. He’d acquired a taste for coffee since living here: black, of course.

“…and fireworks at midnight of course.” Tony was saying, and you shifted your attention back to him.

“It sounds amazing. I can’t wait.” you told him, drumming your fingers against the kitchen island, which had been returned to its usual state after Christmas Day.

“Obviously the guest list has been checked extremely thoroughly so that we don’t have a breach like last time.” he continued, opening something else up on the tablet and looking at it intently.

“Don’t look so stressed out Tony, that organisation was put to bed by SHIELD, wasn’t it?” you reminded him.

“Yes, but that’s not to say others won’t have had the same idea. Speaking of SHIELD, I need to talk to you. And you Reind – Loki.” Tony told you, spinning around on his stool so that both you and Loki were in his eyeline. You span around to face Tony, and Loki leant back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms.

“Fury has said that there’s been a certain amount of unrest within SHIELD regarding you two, especially Loki, for obvious reasons.” Tony said. Loki raised an eyebrow, but his bored expression remained unchanged. You wished you could get up and stand with him, but you stayed put.

“As you know the ‘Avengers Initiative’ was created by SHIELD and Fury, so whether we like it or not we answer to them. Fury was reluctant to let you join Y/N, as you know, and agents are concerned about the fact that Loki’s living here and practically acting as he would as if he were an Avenger already.”

“They have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of joining your little club.” Loki said, and you closed your eyes briefly.

_Be nice._

“That’s good, because you’re not going to.” Tony replied sharply. Loki looked at you, and then across the room.

“The point is, SHIELD are getting worried, especially since Loki was allowed to come on our last mission, which means that if you want to carry on staying here you might have to jump through some hoops.”

Loki opened his mouth in outrage, before catching your gaze and closing it again, swallowing hard.

“What does that mean? Hoops?” you asked Tony.

“I don’t know exactly. Fury just said that you two would be called in ‘sometime in the foreseeable future.’ So that’s it. I just thought I should tell you.” Tony finished, looking at Loki once more before swivelling back round on his stool to look at his tablet again. You and Loki shared a look before you turned back around too.

“Thanks for telling us.”

Eventually enough of the others had entered the room to distract Tony enough that it didn’t seem suspicious when first Loki, and then you left the kitchen. He was sat on your bed when you entered your room and shut the door behind you, moving to sit next to him.

“They’ll try and find an excuse to send me back.” Loki said shortly. He was scared. Scared of being sent back to Asgard where he would be condemned to a cell by his own father.

“They won’t, you’ve been here for months now and nothing’s happened. They’re not completely stupid; they know that you could have escaped and wreaked havoc by now if you’d really wanted to. Once you prove that you’re safe, which you _are_ , they’ll back off.” you reassured him.

“I can’t go back there.”

“You’re _not_ going back there.” you asserted, taking his hands in yours. He smiled weakly.

Aware that you weren’t going to be able to make him feel better with empty promises, you stood and pulled him to his feet, wrapping your arms around him instead. He followed suit, sighing heavily.

“If you do get sent back to the dungeons, I’ll go back to Asgard with you and do something stupid so that Odin locks me up too.” you told him, smiling when it made him laugh, although it might have been in exasperation rather than humour. He planted a kiss on the top of your head, and then pushed you gently towards the door.

“Go on, before they get suspicious.” he said.

“Bored of my company already?” you teased, resisting.

“On the contrary, I simply wish to avoid attempted murder when Stark finds out about us.” he replied, pulling you back towards him and kissing you again, on the lips this time. You smiled.

“Tony won’t try and kill you, he’ll be too busy going into cardiac arrest.” you said, walking to the door.

“And what when he recovers?”

“I suppose I’ll have to protect you.” you winked, earning a smile before you slipped out the door. Straight into Thor’s chest. You looked up at him guiltily.

“Who were you talking to?” he asked, barely managing to supress the smile which was so clearly fighting its way on to his face.

“Myself, who else?” you replied, edging your way past him.

“So, Loki isn’t in your room?”

“No…”

“Why would I be in Y/N’s room?” Loki’s voice emanated from behind Thor, who span around to look at him in shock as Loki emerged from his room and pulled the door shut behind him. You grinned from behind Thor’s back.

“What a thing to say Thor.” you said, shaking your head and making your way back towards the living room, almost feeling sorry for him. You wished you could just tell him. Not yet.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by in anticipation for the party, which was to start at nine pm and would be held upstairs in the penthouse and on the roof this time. Suddenly it was eight pm, an hour to go, and you were being dragged away from the leftover food you and Bucky had raided from the fridge by Nat because there wasn’t enough _time_ and you needed to get ready _right now_.

You had a quick shower and then climbed into the dress you had been wanting to wear for a while, it was a little black number which finished just above your knee. Only now did you remember how clingy it was, making you regret your decision to raid the fridge with Bucky twenty minutes ago. Deciding not to dwell, you grabbed your shoes and made your way down the corridor to Nat’s room. Once you arrived her and Pepper practically pounced on you, and another twenty minutes later your hair and make-up were done too. You sat on the bed and wrestled with your heels for a few minutes while discussing how late you thought the party would last, and then you and Nat made your way to the living room while Pepper disappeared upstairs to check on the last minute preparations and tell the doormen to open the doors and start sending the party-goers up.

Steve walked out of the living room as you and Nat walked in, giving you a twirl as you walked past.

“You both look gorgeous.” he told with a smile. Bucky was _still_ eating in the kitchen, this time joined by Thor and Clint. Tony and Bruce were discussing something in the living room. Loki was in his usual position on the sofa, with a book; you fought not to notice as his eyes went on a journey and you felt the beginnings of an emotion which was definitely not yours deep in your chest.

 _We’ll always know when the other is in danger or feeling a particularly strong emotion._ Isn’t that what Loki had told you? Was this what you were feeling, _his_ emotion? He had said the connection got stronger as you grew closer…

You resisted the temptation to meet his gaze across the room and walked to the kitchen instead.

“Have you moved since I left?” you laughed, assuming Steve’s vacated stool and looking longingly at the ice cream Bucky had now moved on to.

“Yes, actually. I am in my party attire, thank you for noticing.” Bucky told you, spinning on his stool to show you and almost losing his balance, grabbing your outstretched arm as he wobbled.

“You look _wonderful_.” you assured him through a laugh as he righted himself, only to find that his ice cream had been stolen by Clint.

“Right then, let’s get this show on the road!” Tony announced, checking his watch.

“Three minutes to go. Where’s Pep?” he asked, looking around.

“She went upstairs to check on the prep.” you supplied helpfully.

“Ah, that’s not good. I’ll meet you up there. Reindeer Games, stay down here, keep you out trouble and don’t let anyone see you, got it? The rest of you get upstairs ASAP.” Tony instructed, and you felt a pang of indignance on Loki’s behalf.

“Come on then.” Bucky said, getting to his feet and gesturing towards the door.

“You go, I’ll meet you up there.” you replied.

“Ahh, alright.” he said, casting his gaze across the room to Loki and then winking at you suggestively; you shoved him away playfully.

You put away the food which had been left out on the kitchen island as an excuse to hang back, and when everyone was gone (Bruce left last, _very_ reluctantly) you turned around to find Loki stood directly behind you. He wasted no time in catching you by the waist and pulling you flush against him. You reached up to rest your arms on his shoulders, lifting your chin.

_You are beautiful._

You smiled unwittingly and closed your eyes, turning your head away.

_You are. And all those drunk Midgardians up there are about to see that too._

You looked back at him incredulously.

 _You’re not_ worried _, are you?_

_Of course not._

_A lie._

_Of course I am._

You smiled again.

_You shouldn’t be._

_But I am._

_Well you should come up with me then, and make sure I’m not getting into any trouble._

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking up.

_I’ll say it again, it’s not exactly my scene._

_You enjoyed steak and monopoly. You might enjoy this too._

_Maybe later then._

You sighed, knowing it was the best you were going to get. This only served to make his smile wider.

_I’m grateful that Stark trusts me enough to stay here by myself this time. I intend to make the most of it._

_Enjoy your peace then._

_Oh I will._

He moved to kiss you, but stopped suddenly, opening his eyes and freezing.

_What?_

He sighed, closing his eyes again, this time in resignation.

_Look._

You frowned, peering around Loki’s arm towards the door.

Thor looked _ecstatic_.


	40. In which you sneak off, again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! An early update today, let me know what you thought! Also, if you should definitely check out 'The Adventures of Loki and his Commander' by @The_geeky_fangirl if you're on the hunt for some amazing Loki fanfic! <3

“Thor, calm down.”

You had said a swift goodbye to Loki and ushered Thor from the room towards the elevator as quickly as you could, wishing to avoid any unfortunate incidents involving the two brothers and a knife Loki had been about to conjure.

“I cannot! This is brilliant news, how long have you been, I mean – was it Asgard? When…?”

“Thor, please.” you grinned, holding up a hand.

“It wasn’t Asgard, it was Christmas Eve -”

“I knew it!”

“Although, it would have been Asgard, if you and the Warriors Three hadn’t intervened…” you remembered, grinning at the horrified expression on his face.

“What do you mean?! When?”

“After the dancing, Loki and I were outside my room and Volstagg knocked something over and broke it.”

“And that was… you were – and we…?”

“Yep. Thanks for that, by the way.” you added sarcastically.

“I was _slightly_ drunk, I don’t recall…”

“ _Slightly_ sounds like a bit of an understatement.” you smirked.

“So, tell me…”

Unfortunately, it was at that moment you reached the penthouse, and the elevator doors slid open.

“You’re not getting away with this. I want to talk to you later on.” Thor told you sternly, but unable to keep the smile from his face. His excitement was affecting you, making you smile widely.

“Okay, but listen, don’t tell the others yet. Please.”

Thor’s face fell.

“Why not?”

“I think you know. I doubt the others will be as pleased as you are.”

“You’re right. I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

Thor pulled you to one side as you stepped out of the elevator and into the corridor leading to the penthouse; you turned to look at him in surprise.

“Y/N, you and Loki… he – it’s…” he faltered, searching for the right words.

You smiled, hearing what he was trying to say in your mind very clearly, feeling his happiness and relief as though it was your own. Placing a hand on his arm to stop him talking, you nodded.

“I get it.”

Thor suddenly enveloped you in a very tight hug. You returned it in surprise, abruptly feeling an unexpected swell of emotion in your chest. He released you just as swiftly and grinned widely.

“Let’s get drunk.”

You entered the crowded penthouse and rejoined the others, and had barely started on your first drink when…

_Are you okay?_

_Yes, why?_

_I felt something. A feeling which wasn’t mine._

_Thor and I had a moment._

There was a pause in which you would have bet your life on the fact that Loki was rolling his eyes.

_Are you on the roof?_

_In the penthouse._

_Last time you tried to talk to me from up there you said it gave you a headache._

You’d forgotten about that. You were talking to him now as clearly and easily as if you were sat next to each other. All of a sudden Tony appeared by your side and steered you towards a large crowd of people, introducing you.

_Have fun._

And you did. The party didn’t properly kick off until about ten, when the music got turned up and the lights turned down, and the dancing _started_. You, Bucky and Nat convinced Steve and Bruce to do shots which was one of the funniest things you had ever witnessed, and then you danced for about an hour which brought you to ten past eleven. You were having such a good time you didn’t even notice right away when Loki joined the party. It was only when you were dragged back over to the bar by Bucky that you noticed a familiar looking face leaning against the wall, his eyes on you.

“Bertrand!” you laughed, leaving Bucky to make a beeline for Loki.

“You look dapper as ever.” you grinned, running a finger down his tie and thinking back to the first party all those months ago when you’d first realised you could see through his illusions. That seemed like a million years ago. You hadn’t had a lot to drink, but you were having to squint a bit to see Loki’s face properly through the illusion. He looked vaguely annoyed.

“Thank you. You seem to be having fun.”

“I am! Will you do shots with us?” you asked as Bucky yelled at you from the bar.

“No.”

“Yay!”

You pulled him over to the bar with you and handed him a shot glass, picking up one for yourself and clinking glasses with Bucky.

“Me too!” Tony yelled, appearing from the dancing crowd and grabbing another shot.

You all drank and pulled the obligatory faces as the liquid burnt the back of your throats. Loki hardly winced, whereas you squeezed your eyes shut and pursed your lips at the taste.

“Let’s goo!” you yelled, turning to return to the dancefloor, but Loki held you back.

“What?” you shouted over the music. Suddenly you were on the roof. You half fell against Loki, who caught you. It was _freezing_ out here.

“Lok- Bertrand!” you exclaimed, lowering your voice dramatically when you realised other people were on the roof too. Luckily no one seemed to have noticed that two people had just materialized out of thin air.

“I asked you not to do that! And anyone could have seen us just disappear or reappear! You’re not even meant to be able to use your magic; someone could see.” you reeled off, pushing him away from you.

“They can’t see us.” he told you, and you realised that you were invisible.

“That’s not the point.”

“Sorry, I know.” he apologised, looking so put out by your outburst that you immediately moved back towards him.

“I just don’t want you to get into trouble.” you muttered.

“I know.” he repeated, pulling you into an embrace. Something was wrong.

“What is it? Why did you bring me out here?”

He may not have opened his mind completely, but that didn’t stop you from hearing the rush of thoughts which sprang to the forefront of his mind as you asked him the question.

“I should’ve stayed downstairs. Couldn’t you hear all of their thoughts down there? I wasn’t even trying to, but because they’re all drunk they have no filter.”

He was jealous. You pulled away from him so that you could look at his face properly.

“I’m not _jealous_ , I just didn’t need to hear a bunch of Midgardians thinking inappropriate things about you which -”

“Okay, okay. We’ll call it being protective rather than jealous, shall we?” you teased; Loki scowled.

“I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t bother me.” he told you plainly, and the smile fell from your face.

“I can’t do anything apart from reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.” you told him, entwining your fingers with his, and then involuntarily shivered violently. It was _so_ cold. He drew you back into his arms and rested his chin on the top of your head.

_You’re mine._

Whether he had meant for you to hear this or not was entirely irrelevant; you felt as if a few thousand volts of electricity had just surged their way through your veins and quite possibly stopped your heart for good. The cold instantly vanished from your skin, which was now flushed. You looked up at him and he looked back; there was a look in his eye which you hadn’t seen before. The kiss was different, good different, charged by the electricity running through you and then something shifted in the air around you; you were holding on to each other so tightly and the kiss was so deep and profound that you found yourself going slightly lightheaded.

Suddenly the temperature increased dramatically and when you opened your eyes you were all the way back downstairs in the living room, the noise of the party reduced to just the throbbing sound of the bass. Loki didn’t miss a beat, letting himself fall back on to the sofa and pulling you down with him so that you ended up on his lap. You giggled as he started kissing along your jaw and down the curve of your neck.

“You should know that I don’t usually let strangers pull me from a party and seduce me.” you whispered, sounding only slightly breathless.

“Why are you whispering?” he whispered back, bringing his lips back to yours almost hungrily.

You shifted closer to him as he kissed you again, tangling your hand in his hair at the base of his neck and causing him to make an un _holy_ sound in the back of his throat, which did nothing to help your situation.

_I want you._

Your eyes flew open to meet his gaze, which looked almost dazed as he took you in. You weren’t exactly sober, but this wasn’t a drunken mistake you were going to regret in the morning. It was Loki. He heard this thought process and looked at you in such a way that for a few seconds you entirely forgot how to breathe. You nodded almost imperceptibly, and in one swift motion Loki stood up with you in his arms and carried you towards his room.

You sent a quick prayer up to the sky that none of the others would come looking for you, and then Loki was kicking the door shut behind you.

…

Afterwards, the only reason you made the effort to return to the party was because it was almost midnight, and you were conscious of the fact you’d been missing for a while; soon the others would begin to wonder where you’d got to. You persuaded a reluctant Loki back upstairs with you, firmly stating that you wanted him to watch the fireworks with you and it wasn’t just because you couldn’t be bothered to walk.

Once on the roof you left Loki (who was now disguised as Bertrand again) briefly to find Nat and the others, all of whom seemed relieved that you hadn’t been kidnapped but hadn’t been worried enough to leave the party and search for you.

“There are three minutes to go! Quick, find a drink.” Nat exclaimed, casting around for anything alcoholic and eventually grabbing your arm and following Clint to the temporary bar which had been set up on the roof. She bequeathed upon you a glass of champagne, and you swiped another one stealthily before making your way back over to Loki/Bertrand, handing him one of the glasses.

“Two minutes.” you told him, stamping your feet and rubbing your arms to try and find some warmth. Luckily, Bertrand came equipped with a jacket which was soon around your shoulders, along with his arms as the countdown started.

As the clock struck midnight, there was a resounding yell of “Happy New Year!” from the crowd, and then everyone was kissing and hugging and drinking. Loki was shaking his head, once again marveling at the absurdity of Midgardian traditions; making you laugh.

“Happy New Year.” you smiled, tilting your head back and sideways to view his bewildered expression affectionately. He kissed your forehead, and then you both jumped and the first firework exploded above your heads. There was an ‘oooh’ from the crowd, and you turned your face skywards instead to watch the display. It lasted for about ten minutes, and you found yourself wishing that you could capture the moment and keep it in a jar; you were so happy. And only a little bit drunk.

After the display and applause, everyone piled back down into the warm penthouse for more drinking and dancing; you and ‘Bertrand’ were roped into doing more shots after being told you weren’t drunk enough by Tony. You weren’t entirely sure that the others had realised that Bertrand was actually Loki, but you decided not to mention it. They didn’t need to know.

The night slowly descended into chaos, which was only to be expected. Things started to get a bit blurry just after you and Thor attempted to dance the Asgardian dance you had learnt on Asgard, knocking a few people over as you went. Then Bucky wanted to learn it, so you taught him, shouting instructions over the deafening music in the middle of a dancing crowd. There was a _lot_ of laughing, so much that your stomach ached. Following that you did _more_ shots with Nat and Clint, and then things became too blurry to even try and remember. Had Loki been _dancing_? Something about stairs. Things went completely black after having pulled some blinds or curtains down to block out the sunlight which was streaming through a window.

…

A blinding pain woke you up. At first your dazed mind thought that it might have just been your body aching from the night before, but then a wave of pain so intense washed over you that you cried out and sat bolt upright, reaching out for something to hold on to. You felt as though you were on fire. The minute you opened your eyes however, the pain ebbed and then vanished. Your eyes were watering, you’d never felt anything like that before in your life.

Unfortunately, the moment that pain had vanished a new sort of pain arrived in the form of a splitting headache. You closed your eyes and pressed your palms into your eyes, groaning. When you opened them again you took in your surroundings properly. You were in Loki’s room, but on the floor, wearing an interesting combination of both yours and Loki’s pajamas. A familiar looking hand hanging over the side of the duvet next to your head suggested that Loki had made it on to the bed where you had not. Smiling, you tried to recall any memories of drunk Loki, but you drew a blank. Shit, what if he hadn’t kept the illusion up while he’d been drunk? Anyone could have seen… but no, everyone would have been too drunk to notice last night.

Hopefully.

Slowly, so slowly, you stood, glancing at the clock which read 8:30am. It had been light when you’d fallen asleep… which meant you’d only been sleeping for a few hours, maybe less. That would explain why you were still bone tired. You wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Loki and go back to sleep for at least half a day, but before you’d even sat down on the bed you realised something was wrong.

Really wrong.

Loki was asleep, but he was frowning and his jaw was set; there was a vein throbbing at his right temple. Even as you watched he turned his head to one side, making a face which looked as though he was in pain, and then his whole body convulsed. He was having a nightmare, and a bad one.

“Loki.” you said, or rather tried to say, making a rasping noise which made your eyes water the first time round. You cleared your throat, only now realising how thirsty you were, but you had more important issues to deal with first.

“Loki.” you said again, moving to sit on the bed and placed a hand on his arm, shaking him gently. He didn’t wake up. You couldn’t leave him like this, he looked awful. It was then you realised what was so wrong. His arm was warm, almost the same temperature as yours.

Alarm bells were ringing loud and clear in your head.

“Loki, wake up.” you said, slightly louder than before, gripping his arm.

_Please. No – I can’t…_

Fear gripped you as you realised what was happening.

The pain you had felt when you’d woken up hadn’t been your own, and Loki wasn’t experiencing a nightmare.

It was a memory.


	41. In which Loki opens his mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter has a lot of angst but there's also quite a bit of fluff to make up for it, I hope you enjoy! <3

A memory. Which you now had to try and wake him up from.

Trying desperately not to panic, you thought hard. Would you be able to get into his mind and wake him up? You didn’t have a better idea.

While you didn’t know exactly how you were going to achieve this, you knew you had to try. Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes, you reached out to Loki with your mind. The minute you tried this another wave of pain engulfed you, and you felt a wild panic which didn’t belong to you rise in your throat. Fighting down a sob, you pushed through it. You had to get him out.

Suddenly you felt yourself go lightheaded, as though all the blood had been drained from your brain. You felt yourself slipping, losing consciousness of your body, and then everything went black.

You landed on your knees on hard, rocky ground and had the breath knocked out of you, pain spiking through your kneecaps and thighs. Looking up through a haze of tears you found yourself on what appeared to be a mound of rock floating through space; everything was dark save for the tiny amount of light provided by the stars which glimmered far, far away. Before you’d even had time to take in any more detail than that, you were hit by a fresh bout of horrendous pain. Doubling over reflexively to try and protect yourself from the burning sensation which was slowly spreading up your torso, you grit your teeth and straightened up. Loki. You had to find him.

You didn’t have to look very far. There were voices coming from behind the huge mound of rock you’d landed next to; you cautiously made your way around it, driven only by your desire to wake Loki up, and not wanting to see what you already knew was just the other side of this rock, you didn’t want to look, you didn’t want to look…

Thanos. You knew it was Thanos inadvertently, for who else could this horrifying-looking purple creature be? He was crouching on the floor in front of a large throne which had been cut into the mound of rock you’d landed on the other side of. In front of him there was a dark shape: a slumped, broken human form which you turned your gaze away from before you’d even looked properly, your heart contracting painfully. You couldn’t bear it. Thanos was speaking in a low voice, but you didn’t stop to hear what he might be saying, because across from the memory version of Loki who was sprawled before Thanos was _your_ Loki, kneeling on the floor and watching his memory unfold with a stunned expression about twenty feet away.

Relief, a welcome respite from all of the horrible emotions you were feeling at this moment, coursed through you and you quickly made your way towards him. Before you reached him however, you heard memory-Loki speak. The sound of his rasping voice, fraught with pain, drew an involuntary sob from deep within your chest.

He said only one word: “No.”

You could practically feel the anger radiating from Thanos, and knew what was about to happen before it did. The pain, when it hit, was the most excruciating, unbearable agony you could have ever imagined. Every fibre of your being was alight with agony; the extent of it so severe you didn’t even notice as you hit the floor. Only after the feeling had subsided did you realise you’d been screaming.

Memory-Loki was shaking as Thanos spoke to him again, much like you as you staggered to your feet and stumbled the rest of the way towards your Loki, who hadn’t batted an eyelash while you’d been feeling what his memory-self had felt. When you reached him you dropped to your knees in front of him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him roughly.

“Wake up.” you said, your voice laced with desperation.

He blinked slowly, but didn’t look away from the memory.

“Loki, please.” you half sobbed, gripping his arms tightly. What if you couldn’t get him out? What if you were stuck? The thought made you panic and dread overwhelmed you, or maybe it had been memory-Loki who had felt that, because it wouldn’t be long until the torture returned.

“Loki, wake up!” you yelled, and his eyes slid from the memory to your face. There was a split second of liberation before pain exploded inside you again and you slumped sideways, marvelling at the fact that you weren’t already dead. Again, the pain reduced slowly but this time you didn’t get up, you couldn’t. Your face was wet with tears.

Loki was frowning down at you, confusion finally beginning to emerge.

“Loki.” you sobbed, and then _finally_ realisation, immediately followed by horror, passed over his face. He reached for you, and then you felt yourself slipping again, losing consciousness.

You sat up on Loki’s bed with a sharp inhale, relief crashing over you like a tidal wave and making you go slightly dizzy. You’d done it.

Loki jerked upright abruptly, staring at you and taking deep, shuddering breaths. You were about to reach for him when he seemed to compose himself, turning his face away and closing his eyes, inhaling deeply. Then his face crumpled.

An enormous wave of emotion hit you square in the face: half his, half yours, and you climbed across the bed to sit in his lap, wrapping your arms and legs around his torso. He pulled you towards him and pushed his face into the curve of your neck, holding you tight against him. You held him while his shoulders shook, not speaking and trying not to think, trying not to cry, caressing the back of his neck gently, your eyes closed. His skin was cool again.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that for, only that you weren’t going to move until Loki wanted to. Which, it seemed, he didn’t. After a while he stopped shaking and his breathing returned to normal, but his hold on you remained firm, his face hidden against your neck. Something felt different. It took you a few moments to work out why.

His mind was open. Completely open.

“I didn’t want you to see that.” he told you, his voice thick with emotion and slightly muffled. You didn’t reply, not trusting yourself to speak, shaken to the core by what you had just seen. What you had just felt.

“I’m sorry.”

At this you shook your head violently, gripping him so hard it almost hurt.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise. Ever.” you said furiously, fighting down your tears. You had no right to cry, not after what you’d just seen. But now the shock was wearing off and you were beginning to realise, fully, what you’d just experienced. The tears came, flowing down your cheeks even as you tried to stem them with your sleeve, or rather Loki’s sleeve. Now he sat up, looking at you worriedly, but the sight of his red-rimmed eyes only made you cry harder. Your head was already pounding from last night and now you had the added pain of a crying headache too.

“Don’t cry.” Loki murmured sadly, pressing his forehead against yours. You fought to calm down, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to breathe normally.

“I’m sorry, it’s just – I _felt_ it; I can’t stand the thought of you -”

“I know.” he said soothingly, trying to avoid another sobbing fit. He did know. He could hear your thoughts clearly, just as you could now hear his. _Finally_ you regained control of your tear ducts and slid from Loki’s lap on to the duvet, wiping your face with his sleeve yet again, noticing for the first time the smudges and blotches of black that covered it. You’d forgotten about your makeup, you must look a right state. Loki shook his head, reaching for your hands.

_What did I do to deserve you?_

You half laughed, letting him encase your hands in his.

_Do you want to…?_

He was referring to you going inside his head. With no filter.

_Are you sure?_

He nodded. And so, tentatively, you did.

It was dark. So dark. You’d never done this with another person before, but you were sure that if you did it would be drastically different to this. You watched as hundreds of memories played out before you in a matter of seconds: Odin and Frigga, much younger than you knew them, and smiling, Thor as a young boy, as a teenager, as a young man ready to ascend the throne of Asgard. Jotunheim. Loki watched in horror as a Frost Giant held his arm and his skin began to turn blue. Odin telling him that his whole life was a lie. Thor getting stripped of his armour and cast down to Midgard. The Warriors Three and Sif, and then a feeling of hatred and jealously, so strong that it wiped everything else out. The Bifrost, and then he was falling… you skipped forward here, not wanting to see any more than you already had. A feeling of utter loss and detachment. The Tesseract, Germany, The Avengers. New York. Hulk. And then back to Asgard, listening to Odin tell him that his birth right was to die and that he was condemned to rot in a cell beneath the palace for all of eternity. Then Thor, a year later, telling him he’d convinced Odin to let him go to Midgard.

And then there was you.

You handing him a knife and telling him to throw it at you. Falling through the air in the stairwell as Loki realised half a second too late that you weren’t going to be able to catch yourself. An unexpected feeling of guilt as he healed your shattered legs. Realising that he could use his magic to escape, and then realising that he didn’t want to. You, asking him to come to your initiation after you’d argued. Holding up a block of flats, half buried in mud, your eyes a vibrant shade of purple. The fear he had felt when the team had returned without you and he’d realised you’d been taken, and the need to have you in front of him, to know you were okay. The relief when he’d got you back. Realising what he felt towards you. Hearing Ricci’s guard’s thought process as he turned the gun towards your retreating figure, and feeling a fear so intense that for a second he was unable to move. Then he was on the floor and you were there, your small hands covering his, panicking, shouting at Nat and then he was telling you to leave him, even though he wasn’t sure he could make it out alive. Getting back to the tower alive, and the relief he felt when he’d woken up the next morning and you’d come running. Then Asgard again, but this time his only concern was how beautiful you looked and the fact that you were dancing with _Fandral_ of all people. Jealously, sharp and painful in his chest. The balcony, and then your face was inches away from his and _it was happening_ , until Thor and his idiotic drunken friends arrived. You, pressing yourself against him as you returned to Midgard through the Bifrost. Then Christmas Eve. Nerves, and then everything had been worth it. You opening your mind. Then the last couple of days, last night, and _now_ , you saw yourself through his eyes, messy hair, red rimmed eyes and mascara streaked down your face, but beautiful.

You retreated from his mind, feeling slightly dizzy, feeling Loki withdraw his hands from yours as you did so. When you opened your eyes you involuntarily jerked backwards in shock. Loki smiled sadly, his gaze cast downwards.

He was _blue_. This was what he really looked like, in his Jotun form. You immediately felt awful and shifted back towards him, unable to take your eyes off of him. His hands were shaking; you could feel how nervous he was. Instinctively you reached out to take his hands in yours, but he drew away from you sharply.

“Loki…” you began sadly, but he shook his head.

“I’ll hurt you. Frost bite. You can’t touch me like this.” he told you, looking at you for the first time. His voice was the same. His eyes were not. They were red. And you couldn’t hide your shock from him.

“I don’t want any secrets from you. Even if that means…” he trailed off.

“Even if that means what?”

“You know what. That you don’t - that we don’t…”

“What, you think I can just stop loving you because you have blue skin? If you can put up with me having purple eyes I can put up with… what?” you asked. He was staring at you, returning to his usual appearance as you spoke.

“You just said – you…”

Oh. Well, there was no turning back now.

“Of course I love you.” you replied, almost defensively.

He just blinked at you in shock. You waved a hand in front of his face, starting to smile.

_Loki? Anyone home?_

His expression changed from shock to amazement.

_I can hear you so clearly._

_I could too when I let you in._

_It is better. Like I had a headache I didn’t know about and now it’s gone._

Your brain was officially fried; you were very hungover, possibly still slightly drunk and mentally drained. Loki looked to be in a similar state. But you couldn’t help being slightly bothered that he hadn’t responded at all to your unintentional declaration of love.

“I’m gonna go wash all of this off.” you told him, referring to the streaks of black mascara which were currently all down your face, “and then I’m going to sleep for the rest of the day.”

“Sounds good to me.” he replied, getting up with you and tugging his shirt off. You didn’t know where to look for a second, before reminding yourself of what had happened last night. Loki seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

“I think it’s a bit late for chasteness Y/N.” he said, catching hold of your waist and pulling you back towards him. You giggled, turning to see him grinning at you. Unfortunately, laughing came with the side effect of feeling like your head was being split in two while hungover, so you both ceased to do so rather quickly. Suddenly serious, Loki met your gaze and held it.

“I love you too.”

You couldn’t think of a coherent reply, so decided to just kiss him instead.

Soon you were make-up free, in another one of Loki’s tops which wasn’t covered in mascara and drinking from the glass of water he’d brought you like you’d been dying of dehydration in a desert for weeks. Which, for the record, it felt like you had.

“Don’t ever let me drink again.” Loki told you, and you finished your drink and joined him under the duvet, him holding out an arm for you without opening his eyes.

“Roger that. I hope no one was sober enough to recognise you.”

“It’ll be fine.” he said.

“I’m glad you think so.” you mumbled, the familiar sound of his heartbeat in your ear as you lay your head on his chest already lulling you back to sleep. It was now 9:15am on the first day of the year.

That was one way to start off your new year, you supposed.


	42. In which life returns to normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy, I have nothing to say today lmao, I hope you enjoy xx

A week had passed since the New Year’s party, and life was slowly but surely returning to normal. You and Loki had stayed in bed for the best part of two days afterwards, insanely hungover, and you discovered later that so had everyone else, only occasionally seeing someone on your infrequent ventures to the kitchen.

You had started training again with both Nat and Loki which had been extremely painful after over a week of eating more food than you usually did in a month with little to no exercise. Obviously you hadn’t been able to hide what had happened between you and Loki from Nat, and by now you suspected the others knew about it as well. Or perhaps you were just coming up with excuses to not have to explicitly tell anyone about it. Loki wasn’t exactly what you would call ‘publicly affectionate’ anyway; he still looked at Thor like he wanted to stab him whenever he projected a particularly loud thought about to two of you across the room, knowing you would hear. Which he did frequently.

You began to spend a _lot_ of time training with Loki, which you were certain didn’t go unnoticed by the others. It seemed however that everyone else was just as reluctant to talk about it as you were, which suited you just fine. Now that you and Loki had both opened your minds, training had become a whole new playground. You were picking up magic quicker and easier than you’d ever done before, and Loki had even agreed to try and teach you how to teleport which you were insanely excited about.

You were in the training rooms with Loki right now, practicing conjuring objects from thin air, sat cross legged on the floor frowning in concentration at the palm of your hand. You had a lip balm in your back pocket, which you were trying make appear in your hand. Loki was sat against the wall, twirling a knife which he’d used to demonstrate between his fingers, watching you. You decided not to ask where he’d got the knife from.

_Try the paperclip again._

_No, I already did that._

Loki fell silent again, letting you concentrate. Right as you were sure you were about to get the lip balm, you were interrupted by JARVIS.

“Miss Y/N, Mr Stark requires your presence upstairs. There may be a mission.”

You reached into your back pocket and yanked the lip balm out, gripping it in your hand.

“That’s easier. Thanks JARVIS.” you told the AI.

“The second it took you to reach for that could be the difference between life and death.” Loki said, standing up and offering you a hand.

“Yeah, this deadly weapon would really help in a life or death situation.” you grinned, letting him pull you to your feet, tossing the lip balm in the air and catching it again as you made your way to the door. Once upstairs, you were greeted by a tense atmosphere.

“What’s up?” you asked, and Clint pointed to Thor for his cue to look towards the sky, looking shocked when he didn’t.

“I’ve learnt your Midgardian ways now Barton, don’t look so surprised.” Thor said.

“Tony’s talking to Fury now.” Bruce told you, and you turned to see Tony over the other end of the living room with a serious look on his face. Right as you looked he turned to you and waved his hand which you assumed meant ‘suit up’, mouthing “we’re on”. You couldn’t help but feel a bit put out as you followed the others towards your rooms, it was almost seven pm and you hadn’t had anything to eat in hours.

You were suited up and ready to go in less than two minutes, equipped with the bracelet Tony had made you and given to you for Christmas. He’d shown you how to use it properly earlier this week, it had loads of cool settings which on one hand you didn’t want to be forced to try, but on the other hand you _really_ wanted to try them out. You were just about to get Loki to come in when he materialised in front of you. He was worried.

_I’m not worried._

_Liar._

_Just don’t get hurt. Or kidnapped._

You laughed, reaching up to kiss him.

“I won’t. Don’t get into trouble while we’re gone.” you told him, wishing that he was allowed to come with you.

“Go on.” he said, giving you a gentle push towards the door, but you resisted. It was ridiculous, but you didn’t want to leave him. He rolled his eyes.

_I’m not the one you need to be worrying about._

_I’m not worried._

_Liar._

You gave him a playful shove, grinning.

_Seriously, go. Just be careful._

Loki kissed you again and then took a step back and disappeared. Why were you so cut up about leaving him? You’d chalk it up to being in the honeymoon phase.

You went out into the corridor and decided to take your mind off of it by racing Thor, Bucky and Steve in the elevator up the stairs. You lost, but at least it got you ready and raring to go, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly excited as you entered the Quinjet. Your good mood didn’t last long however, as Tony explained the situation to you. It didn’t sound great.

As the Quinjet took off and flew away from the tower, you told yourself that you were just imagining the tugging feeling in your chest. You tried to ignore it as Tony spoke to you all about the mission. Apparently this was just something you were going to have to get used to.

…

The journey to wherever it was you were headed had taken about twenty minutes, and the mission itself had gone on for just over two hours. You had spent most of the time keeping watch with Bucky while the others surrounded the buildings you were infiltrating and took down guards, but you weren’t complaining. You were _starving_ , as your stomach was reminding you every couple of minutes. You’d been sat with Bucky for about an hour and ten minutes, regularly checking in with the others through your earpieces, when finally three cars approached the gates you were watching.

“We’ve got company.” Bucky told the others, and then gestured for you to proceed.

“After you.”

You jumped down from your high perch on a grassy bank where you’d been hidden by bushes and foliage to land in front of the first car, using your magic to break your fall. The first car slammed its brakes on and the car behind almost went into it. In the space of about ten seconds you had about seven different guns aimed at your face. You held your hands up.

“Shall we have a chat before you shoot me?” you suggested amicably.

One of the men pointing a gun at your forehead barked something in a language that you didn’t understand and you pulled a face.

“Sorry dude, no comprende. Do you speak English?”

The man looked confused, and turned to another man in the car behind, shouting something else in the language that you didn’t understand.

“He says, move or be moved.” a heavily accented voice emerged from the car behind the first.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna talk? Maybe we can work something out.” you asked, taking a step towards the car before you, pre-empting what was about to happen and surrounding yourself with magic. The bullets flew through the air towards you, but simply ricocheted off of the protective shield you’d formed around you. The shooting ceased pretty swiftly when the men realised that they weren’t hurting you. Bucky jumped down from the bank and joined you. The men in the two other cars were piling out and aiming their guns at you both.

“I’ll handle these guys. Can you take care of them?” Bucky asked, nodding towards the men who had just got out of the back two cars.

“I’d love to.” you replied, right as an alarm started blaring from inside the building the rest of the team were in. The men launched into action, and so did you and Bucky. Once they had been taken care of you’d joined the others inside and helped carry some stolen equipment and files back to the Quinjet while the others cleaned up.

No one had been hurt too badly, and the mission had been an ultimate success. Apart from the fact you felt as though you might faint from hunger any minute as the Quinjet took off again. As you approached the tower you felt the tightness in your chest begin to lessen; you almost forgotten about it while you’d been away.

_Are you okay?_

_Yes, fine. You_ were _worried._

_Not at all._

The second you got back you made straight for the kitchen, craving any food you could get your hands on quickly and easily. Loki waited until everyone had gone to get changed before appearing in front of you, giving you a once over and healing the tiniest scratch you’d acquired on your cheek.

“Thanks.” you smiled, before he gave you a quick forehead kiss and disappeared back to his room.

Most of the others joined you in eating and you ended up having a late dinner all together. Not long after you changed out of your gear and showered, putting your pyjamas on before re-joining the others back in the living room, knowing you weren’t going to last very long having tired yourself out on the mission. Thankfully the others seemed to be thinking along the same lines as you and started drifting off to bed, which gave you an excuse to go as well.

Loki was already in your room when you entered, lounging on your bed watching something on the TV.

“Comfortable?” you teased with a smile. You didn’t mind, your rooms had become both of yours in the past few weeks.

“This show, do you know it?” he asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the screen. You knew it just from a quick glance.

“That’s Sherlock. Do you like it?” you grinned.

“It’s clever. Is it on… what’s it called?”

“Netflix? Yeah.”

“Good.” he said, grabbing the remote. You chuckled, disappearing into the bathroom to brush your teeth and take your make up off before joining Loki, who was still trying to work out how to get Netflix up on the TV. You showed him how to do it, and then pressed play on the first episode of season one of Sherlock, knowing that you weren’t going to make it until the end of the episode.

“Wait.” Loki said, and you paused it.

“What?”

_Did you feel it? When you left earlier?_

_Yeah, like a tugging feeling, here._

You brought your hand up to your chest to demonstrate.

_It was weird, wasn’t it? Not painful, just uncomfortable if you thought about it._

_Did the book you found in the library say anything about that?_

_No. But I don’t know how else you would explain it._

Soulmates still sounded ridiculous in your head, despite everything you knew. Loki nodded in agreement as you thought this.

“I’m tired, I need to lie down.” you said, giving Loki the remote and getting under your duvet. You were physically exhausted from using your magic on the mission and feeling pleasantly full of food.

“Are you not going to watch?”

“Yeah, sure.” you replied, turning around to rest your head on his chest so that you could see the TV.

Minutes later, you were fast asleep.


	43. In which you visit SHIELD HQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, thank you so so much for 10k hits, the every single kudos and comment left on this story mean everything to me! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Two and a half uneventful weeks passed, taking you towards the end of January. You trained everyday with both Loki and Nat, and had finally grasped conjuring objects from your pockets to your hands and started working on teleporting, which was insanely difficult and dangerous according to Loki. You were taking it slowly so that you didn’t injure yourself. There had been no more missions. Everything had been perfectly fine. That had changed dramatically yesterday afternoon when Tony had told you and Loki that you were both being called into SHIELD, tomorrow.

“Do you know what might happen?” you had asked nervously.

“Sorry kid, I don’t. I’m sure you’ll be okay though.”

“I don’t think it’s me we need to be worried about.” you replied, casting a sidelong look at Loki, who gave a resigned smile, accompanied of course by a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve faced worse.”

“I’m sure. Look, neither of you need to worry. Fury isn’t cruel or unfair.” Tony told you both. It was so obvious that he was lying that it was almost painful to hear. But he was trying to help.

“Thanks Tony.” you smiled.

That had been yesterday. You hadn’t slept at all last night, accompanying Loki all through the night for once as he didn’t need to sleep anyway. You thought back to when Tony had told you and Loki this might happen on the morning of New Year’s Eve. Loki had been worried that they were going to try and send him back to Asgard. Most of last night had been filled with his thoughts of going back to the cell he had been kept in beneath the Asgardian palace, despite your constant reassurances that that wouldn’t happen. Although you weren’t exactly sure what would happen if they did try and send Loki back to Asgard, you knew for certain that you weren’t going to stand by and watch it happen.

The morning had dragged painfully, until finally it was time to leave. You’d avoided saying goodbye to most of the team; it felt too much like you were leaving on some horrendous trip from which you wouldn’t return. A SHIELD car was waiting for you outside to escort you to the headquarters. It was a short drive and you found yourself wishing it could have been longer, wanting to postpone your imminent arrival at the headquarters indefinitely. You almost felt as if you were being driven towards your execution. Loki, who was sat to your right, heard this thought and smiled tightly. You cast an illusion over your hands and reached across to lace your fingers through his, undetected by the driver or the agent in the passenger seat.

_An hour or two, and this will all be over. Everything will go back to normal._

_I hope so._

_It will._

You weren’t sure who you were trying to convince more, Loki or yourself.

You reached the headquarters annoyingly quickly and were escorted inside by two SHIELD agents, where Nick Fury was waiting for you inside. There was no greeting, simply a nod in your direction.

“I know neither of you are overly pleased to be summoned like this, and certainly there have been some misgivings about asking you here.”

Loki’s mind was wandering; he gave you a small mental nudge as he noticed all of guards that were stationed around the place, spaced out enough so that it didn’t look threatening but enough of them to make you feel unnerved when you detected them. Every one of them had guns on them.

“-and this is a necessary precaution.” Fury finished, observing you looking at the guards.

There was a very pregnant pause, and then Fury gestured forwards. You followed him up several flights of stairs and down a long corridor with a high ceiling, where there were numerous doors lining each side of the corridor. Fury stopped outside of one and turned to the guards which had followed you down the corridor.

“You can wait outside.”

“But Director-”

“That will be all.” Fury said, opening the door and gesturing for you to enter.

You walked into the room, followed by Loki and then Fury, who shut the door behind you. The room was huge, with floor to ceiling windows dominating one of the walls and a huge meeting table with countless chairs surrounding it.

“Please, sit.” Fury said, pulling out a chair from the table and sitting down heavily in it, leaning back and watching you and Loki as you sat down opposite him.

_He knows something._

_What do you mean?_

_He’s smug about something._

Loki was usually right about these things.

_What is it?_

Fury sat up in his chair and placed his elbows on the table.

“You’re communicating with each other through your minds, am I right?”

_See?_

If the shock on your face hadn’t immediately given the answer away, your lack of an answer did. You went straight into Fury’s mind. He knew you and Loki could communicate without speaking. He knew the cuff which Loki still wore didn’t prevent him from using magic. He knew what was going on between the two of you, and he knew that he was having his mind read.

“Yes.” Loki replied. You looked at him sharply, and he shrugged. There was no point lying to a man who already knew the truth, you supposed.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t read my mind, for now.” Fury said, and you frowned.

“For now?”

“Yes. First we need to have a chat about how long your boyfriend has been able to use magic for without SHIELD’s knowledge.” Fury said to you, leaning back in his chair again and kicking his legs up to rest them on the table.

You were temporarily rendered speechless. _Boyfriend?_ The word seemed childish when pitted against the relationship that you and Loki had. But that wasn’t the point. What would you have replied, anyway? ‘Actually, we’re soulmates’? Loki heard this and fought not to smile; you turned to him to see his poker face beginning to waver.

“Fine, but we know that you can use magic with that thing on, so you might as well take it off.” he continued, nodding towards Loki’s wrist.

_Is this a test?_

_I don’t know. I don’t think so._

Fury rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t a test. You need to trust me.”

You knew full well that he couldn’t hear your thoughts, but the coincidence still threw you.

“Why don’t you tell us why you’ve brought us here then.” Loki asked. Fury nodded.

_Can you hear me?_

That was Fury’s voice, clear as day in your mind. He was projecting his thoughts; he wanted you to hear him. Loki could hear him too.

_Am I doing it right? Nod if you can hear this._

You nodded slowly, still very confused.

_Good. It may not be safe for me to tell you this out loud._

_There’s no one here other than us. Are you talking about the guards?_

That was Loki’s voice, and Fury took his legs off of the table and sat forward in his chair, clearly thrown by hearing a voice inside his mind.

_Yes. This is top secret information I’m about to tell you, so you can’t go telling all your friends back at the tower._

_They’re not my friends._

You doubted Fury had heard Loki think that, it had been a quiet thought in the back of his mind. You supressed an eye roll.

_We believe there’s a secret organisation being founded within SHIELD amongst the lower ranks, maybe the higher too. We’re unsure of how many people are part of it yet, only that it’s large enough to be a threat. Depending on who is involved, they could have access to some pretty dangerous stuff._

Your head span. This was not what you had been expecting.

_Stuff?_

_Classified files, weapons, technology._

You turned to look at Loki, who was looking at Fury with the same expression he donned when reading a book.

_Can’t you put a stop to it?_

_They don’t know we’re on to them yet. It would be unwise to try and disband them until we have an accurate idea of their size and the danger they pose to SHIELD. If we attempt to catch them and even one of the members escape we have no way of knowing where they will go or what knowledge they’re leaving with._

Loki leaned back in his chair suddenly, crossing his arms with an expression of almost grim understanding. Fury looked at him appraisingly.

“What?” you said aloud.

_What we need is a mole._

You stared at Fury for a few seconds before realisation hit you. Loki smiled thinly, shaking his head and looking away out of one of the windows.

“No.” you said.

“You both know it’s a good idea.” Fury said. You looked at him in exasperation and disbelief.

“ _How_ is this a good idea.”

_The other top level SHIELD agents who know about this didn’t want me telling you two about it all, but I persuaded them that if we could use Loki to get inside-_

You stopped listening abruptly, feeling Loki’s anger wash over you. _Use_ him?

“I am not your puppet.” Loki hissed, his eyes burning into Fury’s.

“No, quite the contrary in fact.” Fury agreed, “But perhaps we could come to some sort of agreement.”

“Like what.” Loki scorned.

“Like, perhaps, _not_ having you sent back to Asgard.”

The silence which followed this statement spoke volumes.

“Blackmail.” you finally managed to say.

“I wouldn’t call it _blackmail_.” Fury mused.

“You’re giving me a choice between doing your dirty work or being locked up for all of eternity. I would call that blackmail.” Loki said bluntly. The hatred towards Fury, towards SHIELD, that suddenly bubbled up inside you must have shown in your eyes when you looked back across the table, because now Fury was holding his hands up.

“There were worse suggestions regarding ways to get you to comply, believe me. Involving you, Y/N, and Thor.” he told you both. You felt Loki’s fear rise in your chest and it caused your heart to twist painfully.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked, glaring at Fury.

_No one was exceedingly keen about having Loki work for us, but it’s too risky to send one of our own agents in._

Loki nodded.

_I’m expendable._

“You are _not_ expendable.” you burst out, your voice contorted with rage, surprising yourself with the malevolence with which you spoke. Fury was looking between the two of you curiously, his gaze lingering on you and your eyes which you knew were burning amethyst.

“Why am I here? I can cast illusions too, I’ll do it.” you said, receiving a warning glance from Fury.

_Be quiet, they might be listening. You’re here, Y/N, because you would have found out about this anyway, and yes, we may need you to get involved in the future._

You were shaking with anger.

“What are we supposed to tell the others?” you asked.

“That’s a discussion for when a decision has been made-”

“You know full well I have no choice but to say yes.” Loki said, his voice filled with contempt.

“Good. Then this meeting is over.” Fury said, standing up abruptly. “Loki, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

It took you a couple of seconds to register what Fury had just said. When neither of you moved, he sighed again.

“This is non-negotiable. There was unrest about you staying at the Avengers Tower anyway, and now that you work for SHIELD…”

“He is not staying here.” you said as you stood up, your voice low with rage.

“As I said, I’m afraid it’s non-negotiable.”

“I think you’ll find it’s very negotiable.” Loki told him, standing up and taking your arm. Seconds later you were outside in the cold.

“Loki-” you started, looking nervously back towards the building you’d just escaped from, expecting guards to come pouring forth from the doors. They didn’t.

“I can’t stay there.”

“No, of course you can’t. But you just let him know that you can use your magic.” you stressed, grabbing his arm and starting to pull him away from the building you’d just accidentally escaped from.

“He knew anyway.” Loki told you, seemingly unbothered. You sighed in exasperation, and then did a double take as a red dot suddenly appeared on Loki’s forehead. In a split second you were both encased in a shield of your magic; you span around quickly to see where the laser sight was coming from.

“What is it?” Loki asked you, looking around in concern.

“Look.” you replied, nodding towards the culprit who was hanging out of one of the top-most windows of HQ. It might be fun to let him fall and catch him at the last minute.

“They won’t shoot, they need me.” Loki said casually. You on the other hand, were not calm. Now came the guards, followed by a very out of breath Fury. Loki took your arm again but you shrugged him off.

“If you teleport away again they’ll just follow us to the tower. Let’s have it out with them now.” you told him, dropping your shield of magic and holding your hands up.

“That was an unwise antic Loki.” Fury yelled, the effect ruined slightly by the fact that he could hardly talk because he was so breathless.

“I’ve said I’ll work for you. That’s the extent of my willingness I’m afraid.” Loki called back.

“Oh I’m sorry, did you _want_ to go back to Asgard?”

“You need me.” Loki replied. Fury didn’t seem to have an answer for that.

“Will that be all?” you asked, try to hide the fact that your voice was shaking.

“Stand down.” Fury muttered, and the guards surrounding you lowered their weapons.

“I’ll be in contact. You can walk back to the tower.” he told you, before gesturing for the guards to return inside.


	44. In which you still can't teleport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, there's not long to go with this story now, i'd say about ten or fifteen more chapters? I'm considering a part two but we'll have to see what happens! hope you enjoy this chapter :)

A small crowd had gathered around the steps you and Loki were stood on. As the SHIELD guards and agents dispersed and disappeared back inside the headquarters, all attention was on you and Loki.

“Come on.” you muttered, wishing to avoid all of the phones and cameras which were being pointed in your direction, taking hold of his arm and tugging him away down the street. Once you were away from all of the attention you were able to cast illusions unnoticed, taking on the appearances of a couple you passed going in the opposite direction, and soon you were lost in the throng of people going about their business on the streets of New York.

The walk back to the tower seemed to last an age. Your brain was working at a hundred miles an hour trying to process what Fury had just told the two of you, and Loki wasn’t exactly being quiet with his thoughts. You were nervous; he was radiating a sort of quiet rage and hadn’t spoken a word to you while you’d been walking, vocally or mentally. Originally you’d planned to ask why you weren’t just teleporting back to the tower, but you could tell that he needed to let off some steam, so you followed him wordlessly.

When you finally arrived back at the tower Loki stopped you before you could go inside.

“I need to leave.” he told you. You saw through the illusion to his face, and then through his facial expression to his emotions. Past the anger and the annoyance and straight to the fear.

_I’ll come with you._

_No._

You sighed in exasperation.

“I can’t just let you-”

“ _Let_ me! Why does everyone here think I’m some sort of prisoner? I can leave whenever I please!”

You faltered, taken aback by the outburst.

“Loki, that’s not-”

“Don’t follow me.”

You reached out to stop him, but froze when you heard the thought which passed through his subconscious before you could grab him.

And then he was gone.

…

“So where is he now?”

“Still at SHIELD. He’ll be back later.”

You were lying to your friends for him, figuring that if Tony found out that Loki had gone off-piste, Fury would also find out and perhaps then he would not be as ‘generous’ with his terms. Tony, Thor and Nat were sat around you on a sofa in the living room and you’d just told them about what had happened at the headquarters. Most of it, anyway.

“How did he take being blackmailed? Badly, I assume.” Thor asked, and you smiled wearily.

“Fury told him that he had to stay at SHIELD while he was working for them too.”

There was a profound silence.

“I’ll make sure he stays here kid. It’s a bad idea to have him over there anyway.” Tony told you after a pause, patting your hand and standing up. You were suddenly overcome with the almost overwhelming urge to cry, made worse when you tried to thank him through your mind rather than saying it out loud.

“Thanks.” you said, your voice sounding oddly constricted. Nat gave your arm a squeeze and then stood and followed Tony from the room, leaving you with Thor.

“He’s not at SHIELD, is he?” Thor asked you when they were out of earshot, and you shook your head mutely, blinking back tears.

“I may have to go and look for him.”

“No, you shouldn’t. He was so angry, that’ll only end badly.” you said. Thor nodded.

“Lady Y/N, Loki may be my brother, but if he has or is going to hurt you in any way…”

“Thor, stop.” you insisted, a sad smile creeping its way on to your face.

“I’m just saying. I consider you one of my closest friends and I like to make sure my friends are okay.” he told you firmly, as if that settled the matter. Now you felt tearful again; you placed one of your hands atop of one of Thor’s massive hands and smiled at him in gratitude.

“You should go and get some rest; you’ve had a trying morning.” he told you and you agreed, retiring to your bedroom. The minute you sat down on your bed you wished you’d stayed in Thor’s company.

_It’s her fault._

Loki hadn’t meant for you to hear it, that you were sure of, but had he really meant it? Sure, he’d been angry, really angry, but how was it your fault that he was being blackmailed? It hurt more because you didn’t understand. And now he was gone, off doing who knew what who knew where while you got to sit here and worry, trying to ignore the tugging feeling in your chest which was really starting to annoy you. The whole soulmates thing was all very well, but was it really necessary to have this awful feeling every time you weren’t in the same room as Loki? You hoped it would ease off as you spent more time apart, which you undoubtedly would be doing now that Loki had a job. The thought only made you sadder.

You fell asleep thinking horrible thoughts about SHIELD, involving what Fury might have meant when he’d said there had been worse ideas about getting Loki to accept their ‘offer’, involving you and Thor.

You slept fretfully, waking yourself up during a particularly horrible dream only a few hours later. Loki still wasn’t back. The rest of the day passed slowly; you trained with Nat and then ate lunch, reassuring Thor every ten minutes that you were sure Loki was fine and that he didn’t need to go looking for him. In reality, you weren’t sure. The others thought you were just worried because you’d left him at the headquarters, which gave you an excuse to mope around all day.

At about six pm you gave up, telling everyone that you were tired even though you’d never been less tired in your life, disappearing to your room to try and distract yourself. Nothing worked, and you became increasingly annoyed at Loki. He knew you’d be worrying and it had been hours now, why wasn’t he back?

_It’s her fault._

You had a shower, then sat and tried to read a book but only succeeded in staring at the same sentence for what felt like an age. After a while a recklessness overtook you: Loki was being stupid; why couldn’t you be too? Ignoring everything he had told you about teleportation being extremely advanced and dangerous magic, you stood up and closed your eyes, concentrating hard on everything Loki had told you about it, picturing your destination: the roof.

Nothing happened. You weren’t surprised, but quickly became annoyed. Focusing harder you tried to block all other thoughts from your mind but it was so hard when you felt this anxious, what if…?

You gasped as a violent jolt of pain lanced through your head, temporarily rendering you blind, and then you were on your knees and blood was pouring from your nose. Clapping your hands to your face you got slowly to your feet, wincing at the remaining pain in your head and staggered to the bathroom in annoyance.

When the bleeding had subsided, you made your way to the roof via the stairs rather than your extremely limited teleportation skills. The sunsets from the roof of the tower never failed to disappoint, and tonight was no exception; you just wished you could enjoy the view without the worry which was now firmly settled in your chest. Loki had been gone for almost ten hours, and while you knew nothing awful had happened you’d rather know categorically that he was safe.

The sun went down and darkness began to close in, accompanied by a dramatic decrease in temperature. You were however reluctant to return back downstairs to your bedroom, where your mind would be stuck back in a torturous loop.

_It’s her fault._

You drew your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs, resting your chin on your knees with a sigh. Up here it was easier to let your mind wander away from those thoughts and not think of anything at all.

You must have only been sat up on the bench on the roof for half an hour when all of a sudden the tightness in your chest disappeared, and you could hardly remember what had been so wrong. Loki was back downstairs, safe. Relief, sweet relief, and then anger. Rigid, belligerent anger. He was a fool if he thought you would be okay with him after disappearing for a whole day like that. If you’d been calmer you would have recognized the odd feeling in your stomach to be regret. Loki’s regret.

_Y/N?_

_I’m on the roof._

He was behind you in an instant. For a while he stood still, sensing your anger, before coming to sit next to you on the bench. You didn’t move. He didn’t speak, but you could sense him trying to find the right words. Now you felt his regret.

“I’m sorry.”

You simply nodded, keeping your eyes fixed on the horizon.

“I needed to get away, I felt so… it was-”

“You were gone ten _hours_ Loki-”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

You dropped your feet back to the floor and turned to look at him.

“It’s not…” you trailed off as you caught sight of him, feeling as though you’d been smacked across the face. Loki was avoiding your gaze, concentrating on something on the floor about four feet to your left and closing his eyes as you looked at him.

His hair… where before it had fallen down past his shoulders to reach his shoulder blades, now it barely reached the nape of his neck. It looked as though it had been cut off roughly with a knife.

“What did you _do_?” you breathed, temporarily forgetting that you were angry with him.

_I would’ve thought that was fairly obvious._

You stared for a few more seconds, trying not to feel too distraught, before snapping out of it.

“Why would you… I mean, can’t you grow it back?” you asked.

_Why would I grow it back when I just cut it off?_

_Don’t you want it back?_

_No._

_I do._

You hadn’t meant for him to hear that last bit.

“I thought you could make it look better.” he told you, still avoiding your gaze. You couldn’t be angry with him anymore; as much as you wanted to be, you wanted him to feel better more.

Sliding across the bench towards him, you reached a hand out to run your fingers through the uneven ends of his hair at the base of his neck. Loki exhaled and leaned into your touch, his eyes closed, a small frown appearing on his face. He was tired. You didn’t know if you wanted to find out where he’d been and what he’d been doing for the ten hours he had been gone for. Suddenly you remembered what had flashed through Loki’s mind before he’d left this morning.

_It’s her fault._

He must’ve heard you think this because his eyes immediately flew open in horror. You withdrew your hand but he grabbed on to it, shaking his head.

“Y/N-”

“Do you really think that it’s my fault that they blackmailed you?” you asked him sadly.

_Listen to me. It is your fault. If not for you I would have been out of here months ago._

A feeling of dread descended over you, turning your blood cold. You tried to pull your hand away from Loki’s but he held on to it firmly.

 _It_ is _your fault. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re the only reason I’m staying here and you know that; if I had escaped months ago I’d probably be dead by now._

Here you both thought of Thanos, and then you were hugging Loki tightly, your face pressed into the space between his neck and shoulder.

_I’m sorry you heard that and misinterpreted it. I shouldn’t have left._

_No, you shouldn’t have._ Don’t _do it again or next time I’ll have to actually stay mad at you._

 _Only if you don’t try and teleport when I’m not here._ Ever _again._

You drew back from his embrace slightly, feeling guilt and annoyance in equal measures.

“Disappearing for a whole day _and_ reading my mind without letting me know? You’re treading on thin ice.” you told him, only half joking.

“Promise me.” Loki demanded, looking at you seriously.

“Yes, fine.” you muttered, meeting his gaze. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and you smiled, reminded of that night on Asgard. You mirrored his action, shaking your head at his new haircut.

“Let’s go downstairs, I have to sort your hair out.”


	45. In which it's this or Asgard

It was ten days after you had visited SHIELD HQ, and you hadn’t heard anything from Fury since then. You were trying to not get lulled into a false sense of security, but things had pretty much returned to normal. Except Loki’s hair. You’d managed to make it look less like it had been brutally attacked by a pair of shears and more like it had been done properly. Loki had been almost as relieved as you when it had turned out alright.

The two of you were currently in a training room and he was finally allowing you to try and teleport properly, after _weeks_ of training for it. Granted, you were only teleporting to barely a metre in front of you, but it was still exciting. Or, it would be, if you could only do it. You were trying to clear your mind, but Loki was worrying about you very loudly right next to you and you couldn’t stop thinking about how hungry you were, and this was beside the fact you could feel a headache coming on.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?”

“I’m fine!”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Then stop looking.”

Sometimes you wished Loki cared about you a little less. No, that wasn’t true, but it did become quite tedious in training sometimes when he made you stop in case you hurt yourself every three seconds.

“Okay, stop. We can try again tomorrow.” Loki said after about ten minutes, touching your arm gently. You groaned in annoyance, but knew that it would be stupid to try and carry on.

“I’ll train with Nat instead. At least I can actually practice moves with her rather than just giving myself headaches and nosebleeds.” you muttered.

“Magic is mentally draining, the training you do with Natasha physically drains you rather than affecting your mind.”

“Yeah, but using magic is physically draining too.” you argued, moving to sit down heavily on the floor against the wall.

“I suppose mental health and physical health are connected.” Loki mused, sitting down next to you on a chair he conjured from mid-air.

_Show off._

“Training hard are we?” Tony’s voice emanated from the corridor; you both turned to look at him.

“Reindeer Games, it’s for you.” he continued, holding the phone he held in his hand out towards Loki. Your heart dropped. You’d known it was only a matter of time before SHIELD got in contact, but you hadn’t wanted to think about what would happen when they did.

The phone vanished from Tony’s hand and appeared in Loki’s, who looked at you for a moment before lifting the phone to his ear. You were cheered slightly by the astonished look on Tony’s face as he stared at the hand he had just been holding the phone in, but the feeling didn’t last long as you listened in on the phone call.

“Right now?” Loki was asking. Even Tony felt a pang of sympathy when he heard that.

“A few days’ notice might have been nice.”

Fury was arguing that this was a developing situation and they couldn’t have all the information all the time, and that Loki couldn’t afford to be making demands. Then he told him to be on the roof in four minutes and hung up. You and Loki stared at the phone for a few seconds, and then Loki stood up and crossed the room, returning the phone to Tony.

“Thank you.”

Then he walked back towards you and you stood up, correctly guessing what was about to happen as you held out a hand for him. Seconds later you were in his room and he was sitting on the edge of his bed; you followed suit and took one of his hands in yours. Neither of you spoke, until…

_It’s this or Asgard. Locked in a cell for eternity._

Your grip on his hand tightened, but he continued.

_I’d rather be away from you for a few hours than forever._

You laughed, albeit humourlessly.

“It’s not about being away from me. It’s about being made to work for SHIELD because you’ve been _blackmailed_.”

“It is very much about being away from you.” he contradicted, pulling you towards him so that he could wrap his arms around you. You stayed like that for the two minutes you had left together, trying not to worry about what he’d be doing and how long he’d be gone for, running your fingers through his new, short hair. You’d become used to it now, and while you missed his long hair you couldn’t deny that short hair suited him well. Eventually he pulled away from the embrace and kissed you. It was definitely a goodbye kiss, slow and lingering and it left you breathless.

_I’ll be back so soon, you won’t even notice I was gone._

You smiled weakly at him.

“I love you. Be careful.”

He planted another kiss on your forehead, and then he was gone. You lay back on his bed, waiting for the familiar tugging feeling in your chest.

_I love you too._

You grinned, wrapping your arms around yourself. Now here was the tugging sensation, growing stronger as he left the roof in what must have been a helicopter. Ten minutes ago everything had been normal.

After a while you decided that lying on Loki’s bed feeling sorry for yourself wasn’t going to do you any good, so got up and went to find Nat to ask if she would train for a bit.

 _You won’t even notice I was gone._ You repeated these words over and over to yourself through training with Nat. Through dinner. Through the rest of the evening, and then through the whole night when you didn’t sleep from worrying. Through the morning where you sat with Thor (who was visibly worried too) in the living room and watched the sun come up, through breakfast, through the next three hours, until finally a distraction arrived in the shape of a mission.

“Guys, get suited and booted, we’re up.” Tony announced, jogging into the kitchen before leaving again immediately to give JARVIS some orders. This was perfect timing. A distraction was exactly what you needed. You leapt to your feet and ran to get changed, following Buck and Clint into the corridor from the kitchen.

Five minutes later you were in the Quinjet listening to Tony tell you about the mission as you flew away from the tower. You hoped Loki didn’t get back while none of you were there; the SHIELD agents might be reluctant about leaving him alone in the tower. Worry blossomed in your chest yet again, and you fought to push it down and focus on what Tony was saying.

Stolen SHIELD technology. You were to recover it and detain the people who had taken it. You wondered if this was anything to do with the secret organisation being formed within SHIELD’s ranks which Fury had told you about, but you couldn’t voice this query aloud because none of the others were meant to know about it.

“We’re going to need to go in quietly; take them by surprise.” Tony was saying, casting around for suggestions. You answered the unspoken question by turning invisible, and then reaching out to hold Nat’s arm to turn her invisible too.

“Buck and I will go in with them.” Steve supplied, and Bucky nodded.

A hasty plan was formed as you approached the landing area; the Quinjet became invisible as it entered the zone around the building you were infiltrating and landed a fair distance away. You all turned your earpieces on and stood up as the jet landed.

“Ladies first.” Bucky grinned as the back of the jet opened into the ramp.

“You’re too kind.”

You exited the jet followed by Nat, then Steve and then Bucky and the rest of the team waited a while before following to surround the building in a loose circle. The four of you held on to each other as you approached the building; your magic extending across your connected arms to make you all invisible in case of CCTV. You’d never tried making four people invisible simultaneously before, and the sensation made you feel slightly lightheaded. You approached a back door and you strained to hear any thoughts coming from within the building. Luckily there was someone right on the other side of the door, presumably a security guard.

You looked to Nat, mouthing the word ‘one’. She nodded and then reached out and knocked loudly on the door. A few seconds later it swung open, and for a moment the security guard peered around in confusion, not seeing the four of you stood invisibly in front of him. Then you let go of Nat’s arm, making you all visible. The guard barely had time to react as Nat flew at him and Steve grabbed the door to prevent in from swinging shut. There was a thud from inside the door, and then a surprised yell.

“They’re here! The Avengers, they-”

This was spoken by an unfamiliar voice, followed by another cry and then a thud. A second security guard. Who, by the sound of it, had just revealed your arrival to the whole building.

“You said there was only one!” Nat complained as you entered the building.

“I only heard one. Number two must have been asleep.”

“Yes, he was.” Nat replied, gesturing at the now vacated chair which was positioned by the back door.

“So much for going in quietly.” Bucky supplied, gesturing at the radio the second man had used to tell whoever else was in the building.

“Keep going. We’re on the roof.” Tony spoke through your earpieces. You started forward down the corridor but Steve held you back.

“Let me go first.”

You and Bucky followed Steve, and Nat took up the rear as you made your way deeper into the building, becoming more and more unnerved as you encountered no security guards.

“Do we have a location on the tech yet?” Nat asked over comms as you crept around another corner to find yet another abandoned corridor.

“I’m working on it. Although by looks of it we’ll just be able to physically search the building without much resistance.”

“Something isn’t right.” Steve muttered as you reached the end of the corridor.

“You’re at the centre of the building now, it’s a storage room.” Tony told you.

“I’ll look.” you volunteered, turning yourself invisible before anyone could protest. You pushed the door open slowly and slipped through to the other side. Tony had been right, the centre of the building was a storage room, but it was gigantic. You were on a raised platform which ran around the whole edge of the room about twenty feet above the floor; spiral staircases reaching down to the floor were situated at six points around the platform. The room must have been about two hundred metres by a hundred metres at least, and huge storage units and shelves filled the whole space.

For a moment you were taken aback by the sheer size of the room, before snapping out of it and scanning the room for guards. You couldn’t see or hear anyone.

“Tony you were right, it is a storage space. I can’t see or hear anyone.” you addressed the team quietly through your earpiece. As you said this however, you felt someone’s presence appear on the other side of the room.

“Wait, wait. There’s someone here.” you whispered as the others tried to follow you into the room.

You strained to hear the faint voice which was getting closer as the person walked between the storage units. Their thoughts were muddled, and excited. Something good had happened, but there were nerves present too.

“They haven’t got here yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Everyone is in position… yes I know we need to leave soon, but if there’s going to be a fight it’s better for it to be in here.”

Your breath hitched in your chest as you heard the voice. His voice. But it couldn’t be…

“You alright kid?” Clint was asking you through your earpiece, and you shook your head, forgetting for a second that he couldn’t see you.

The person whose voice you’d heard stepped out from behind a shelf, still speaking into a phone and completely unaware of your presence.

It was Loki.


	46. In which you fight the Avengers

“Y/N, talk to us. What do you see?”

You couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. Nothing was right, this was impossible.

No, really, this was impossible. You snapped out of the initial shock you’d felt, blinking hard, and used your brain. Unfortunately that was quite difficult when you had seven people practically yelling at you through your earpiece.

You slid back through the door quietly and gestured to Bucky, Steve and Nat to follow you a little way back down the corridor.

“What did you _see_? What happened?” Nat asked urgently in a low voice.

“It’s Loki, but-”

Nat’s face dropped. Steve took a step back and raised his face heavenwards and Bucky moved forward to console you. There was a barrage of noise over your earpiece too: Tony and Clint yelling and Thor asking loudly for clarification. You were still trying to work out what was going on.

“Guys, no- shut up and listen to me!” you whisper-shouted, and all was quiet again.

“It’s not Loki. I can tell, but someone’s either using magic or technology to-”

You were interrupted by the sound of Tony swearing.

“The stolen tech, they’re using it. The agent said it was masks which can be calibrated to look like any face, and it changes the voice too.” he explained. You felt guilty for feeling relieved.

“Hang on. How we know that it’s not really Reindeer Games down there?” Clint asked. You clenched your jaw, trying not to feel annoyed by the question.

“He would’ve seen and heard me.” Beside the fact that your chest still ached, but you weren’t about to mention that.

“What if he was pretending not to.” Steve helpfully supplied.

“It’s not hi-”

“But it…”

“He’s working _for_ SHIELD, not against them, that doesn’t make any sense! He was blackmailed-”

“Yes, but-”

“It is _NOT_ Loki!” you demanded, slightly louder than was probably a good idea. Silence again.

“Sorry.” you whispered, taking a breath.

“Did he say anything?” Thor asked, sounding vaguely relieved. You internally scolded yourself for being annoyed by this fact. You yourself had felt relief only a few moments ago.

“He was telling someone on a phone that we weren’t there yet, and that everyone was in position.”

“So there are more masks?” Bruce asked.

“Maybe. I’m not sure.” you replied.

“There are around a dozen of them.” Tony said.

“Well, let’s find out shall we?” Clint asked.

“Hang on, we need a plan-” Steve interjected.

“We go in and get the tech, how’s that for a plan?” Tony replied.

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Let’s go, visible this time.” Nat told you, and strode towards the door, but you stopped her.

“Wait. I can get one of the masks off of this one guy so that we can see what we’re dealing with.”

“You want us to let you go in there alone?” Tony scoffed.

“I’m not alone, I have you guys for back-up.” you argued, walking towards the door.

“Y/N, listen to me…” Tony said sternly.

Steve nodded to you to go ahead.

“I am listening.” you replied, before pushing the door open.

Show time.

“Loki!” you exclaimed, trying to inject surprise and relief into your voice. The guy looked up in alarm and quickly hid the phone he’d been talking into behind his back. You vaulted over the railings of the platform and landed hard on the ground twenty feet below, using your magic to break your fall before standing up and jogging towards the guy. He looked terrified, or rather, ‘Loki’ did.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, feigning concern as you neared him. He was trying not to stare at your eyes.

“No- nothing. Nothing’s wrong… babe?” he said hesitantly. You gave him a pitying smirk.

“Not even close.”

Panic flashed behind his eyes, Loki’s eyes, and you gave a satisfied smile as you were able to conjure a knife on your first attempt without very much thought at all. The guy swung for your face and you blocked him easily with your magic once, twice, three times, before kicking his legs out from underneath him and bringing the knife down to hover over his exposed throat. You could hear doors banging open on the other side of the storage room.

“Time for that back up I think.” you said to the others over comms.

You ran your finger over the side of the guys face, trying to find the edge of the mask and determinedly ignoring the fact that it was Loki’s face looking up at you. Making reluctant eye contact, you realised with a jolt that this Loki had long hair, you were an idiot for not seeing it sooner. You’d blame it on the initial shock. After a few seconds you found a tiny ridge and slid your nail under it, pulling up.

“Get your hands off of him.”

You yanked the mask off of the guys face, drawing a hiss of pain from him and stood up quickly, backing away in shock. Tony was walking towards you, pointing the palm of his Iron Man suit towards you. Nat emerged behind him, then Steve, then Bucky and Thor. It took you a second to work out what was going on. The door on your side of the storage room flew open and the real Avengers poured through, hesitating when they saw their doppelgangers watching them. You watched in a mixture of shock and interest as your look alike appeared from behind a storage container, staring you down.

Tony flew over to land in front of you, facing his look alike square on.

“Shit.” he said.

“Language.” Steve said, at exactly the same time as his doppelganger did. Your brain was working overtime. You were the only one present who could tell the real Avengers from the fake ones, being able to hear their thoughts.

“I can tell who’s who.” you announced, and all eyes turned to you. The guy who had been imitating Loki was getting off of the floor, rubbing his throat.

“We can’t.” Nat countered.

“That’s the point.” her look alike said, and launched herself at real Bucky. Things escalated quickly after that. Real Steve and Thor turned to defend Bucky, but their doubles intercepted them before they could do anything. Tony flew at your look alike and soon you were all locked in combat. You shoved the stolen mask into your back pocket, recognising as you did so that you should probably be treating such high-tech equipment with a tad more care, and met Clint’s double with your magic, speaking over comms as you fought him.

“My double can’t use magic, and her eyes aren’t purple.”

Nat joined in.

“Thor’s has a fake Mjolnir, you can spot that a mile off, and Steve’s double’s shield is obviously fake. We’ve all trained together pretty much, so we should be able to-” she was cut off as Tony’s double slammed her to the floor.

“Just go for the faces, get the masks!” Tony instructed.

You were quite easily able to keep Clint’s double at bay with your magic, but the problem was that you needed to get close enough to him to get the mask off of his face.

“Thor no, it’s me!” you heard Steve yell, and the unmistakable sound of Mjolnir hitting vibranium resounded across the room. Seconds later everyone was on their backs on the floor. You saw your chance and took it, launching yourself at Clint’s double to tear the mask off of his face, but not before his fist had connected hard with your jaw. You reeled backwards in pain, your head spinning, clutching the mask in your hand. But Clint’s double wasn’t done with you yet. He stood to face you once again, this time alongside the guy who had worn Loki’s face.

You sighed, shaking your head to try and right your vision, which had gone slightly blurry after been punched in the face. Before you had a chance to make a move, a figure flew over your head: a streak of black and red. A quick glance into their mind told you that it was only Nat’s double, and then Clint’s double and the other man were running at you.

Feeling only slightly bad, you moved your left arm towards Clint’s double in a sweeping motion, flicking your wrist which sent him flying backwards into a storage container. There was a loud echoing bang, and then he slumped to the ground, unconscious.

The other guy didn’t even flinch, and came at you swiftly with a knife clutched in either hand, ironically, after having tried to imitate Loki.

“Why did you choose Loki to imitate?” you asked, before he swung one knife towards your face and then the other with deadly skill and precision. You dodged both and knocked him back with your magic, conjuring another knife of your own.

“He’s not an Avenger. It’s not common knowledge that he’s even on Earth.” you continued.

“Wasn’t my choice.” the guy grunted, falling back before launching himself at you again. He was fighting to seriously injure, and your heart rate picked up dramatically as you realised that if this guy wasn’t messing around, the others probably had orders not to either.

“Oh yeah? Who’s choice was it?” you asked, or rather panted, dodging another violent slash and using a technique Nat had taught you to try and disarm him. It didn’t work, and he managed to catch your arm with his next swipe, causing you to hiss in pain. Your magic swelled inside you and you sent a blast towards him which he dodged, and then swung back towards you, catching the side of your head with the blunt edge of his knife. You staggered backwards, feeling something warm and wet spill down the side of your face and obscuring your vision in one eye.

“Why would I tell you?” he sneered, coming at you again. You closed your eyes, and without really thinking about it, teleported behind him. Letting out a triumphant laugh, you used your magic to send the guy flying and knocked the knives out of his unsuspecting hands. He sprawled on the floor with a shout of pain, but scrambled straight back to his feet, apparently unhurt and cast around for his knives.

Your first mistake was that you got cocky. This led to your second mistake, which was that you let your guard down. Having been concentrating solely on the man in front of you, you’d forgotten about the other threats in the room.

You opened your mouth to say something to the man in front of you, maybe to ask him whether he was part of the secret organisation within SHIELD, but he was staring at a point just above your right hip.

You were as shocked as anyone to see the knife lodged in your side. Even as you watched, a red stain appeared and started to spread across the side of your suit.

The guy grinned a horrible smirk and launched himself back towards you, but was intercepted midway by Bucky. Then Steve was running towards you, or was it Steve’s double? Nope, this was a double, his shield looked ridiculous. You made a split second decision, and yanked the knife out of your side, gritting your teeth in pain. Fully aware that taking a knife out after having been stabbed was an awful idea, you threw it to the ground. The way you saw it, you could either keep the knife in now, be rendered unable to fight and die, or you could pull the knife out, fight, and hopefully not die from blood loss. Not the most ideal situation, but you would have to make do.

You met Steve’s double and were very relieved to find that he wasn’t half as skilled as the man you’d just fought had been. You overcame him fairly quickly considering that you were partially blind and had just been stabbed, and looked up after you’d floored him to find that there were a lot of people lying on the floor, some with masks who still looked like the team and some of the actual team.

“We need to get out of here, tech or no tech.” Steve was saying over comms, which you found odd as you looked down at his unconscious double on the floor in front of you. You bent down to retrieve the mask and groaned in pain, disguising it as a cough so the others wouldn’t go into panic mode.

“I have three masks.” you said, straightening up and pressing a hand to the wound in your side. When you looked down again, your hand was stained crimson red; your vision went blurry for a few seconds and you swayed where you stood. Blinking hard, you made another questionable decision.

You cast an illusion. Clint and Bruce both looked to be out cold, and Nat looked as though she’d broken something. You had to help them get out of here first. You would be fine, Asgardians healed quicker than Midgardians. 

After all the masks had been counted and you were tying the thieves up, a large group of SHIELD agents arrived.

“In the nick of time.” Steve muttered, and you laughed, disguising your wince of pain with a smile.

“Let’s go, quickly. Who’s hurt?” Tony cast around the group for any sign of more serious injuries. Clint and Bruce had come to and Thor was carrying Nat, who looked white as a sheet.

“There were three of them, I could’ve taken them, but-”

“I’m sure you could have.” Thor was agreeing with her.

You wiped the blood out of your eye and took a step forward to follow the team out of the building. A second later you were falling, and you didn’t even think to try and break your fall. Your nose connected hard with the concrete floor and a fresh bout of pain washed over you, causing you to black out for a second. You willed yourself to pass out, but annoyingly you stayed conscious and the pain remained. You had no chance of keeping up the illusion now; you felt yourself lose control and the stab wound became visible again. There was blood everywhere. Tony and Bucky were shouting, and then you were being lifted and you couldn’t help the cry of pain which escaped you as the wound in your side seemed to grow even bigger.

Bucky’s face blurred in and out of focus as he ran with you towards the Quinjet, and then you were lying on the sick bed, Tony’s hands pressed firmly against your side. It _hurt_.

“M’ fine.” you tried to tell Tony, who was shouting at Bruce, who still looked awful from being knocked out. You made the mistake of looking back down at your side, and saw that your suit was stained dark red all across the front.

“Oh.” you said dumbly, and then your head fell back and you lost consciousness for a few minutes again. When you came to Steve was doing something to your side. You grit your teeth as a sharp pain shot all the way up through your torso.

“Why didn’t Tony make this thing stab proof?” you muttered, and Steve smiled half-heartedly.

“You’re really hurt Y/N, try and stay still.”

“You don’t say.” you murmured, suddenly feeling suddenly, awfully like you were going to throw up. Then your head started spinning and you squeezed your eyes shut tight, making a noise which sounded like a constricted sob in the base of your throat.

“You’re gonna be okay kid.” Tony told you. When had Tony got here? Steve had been here a moment ago. Tony sounded terrified. He thought you might die, you could hear him thinking it. Suddenly fear rose in your throat, so strong and terrifying that it made you gasp aloud. It wasn’t your fear, you were in too much pain to be feeling any strong emotions at this moment.

“What’s happening?” Tony asked loudly, sounding scared.

_Y/N? Y/N please, talk to me…_

Loki. Relief hit you in the square in the chest and you relaxed for a second, before you remembered that you might be dying. He must have felt you get stabbed and panicked. You loved him so much, and you tried to let him know that you were okay through your thoughts but all you could think about was the pain. You couldn’t lie to him about this even if you’d wanted to.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” Bruce was asking you, and you felt the jet touch down.

“Loki.” you slurred, forcing your eyes to stay open and trying to lift your head.

“Get her downstairs, Nat too.” Tony was saying, and then suddenly he was pushed aside as Loki rushed towards you. You let out a relieved sob when you saw him, which turned into a gasp of pain as the agony you were feeling in your side seemed to intensify. Your fear was reflected in his eyes.

The second he had you in his arms the pain evaporated, and you fell into the relief of not feeling anything. You’d never been more grateful for Loki’s magic.

_I’ve got you. I’ve got you._

You came to again minutes later as another wave of pain washed over you and you moaned in discomfort. It felt like you’d been hit by a bus. Loki was there, holding your hands tightly.

“I’m sorry, I know it hurts, I know. You’re going to be fine, okay?”

You tried to focus on his face; it was blurred and swimming above you. He reached up to brush your hair, sticky with blood, out of your face. His hands were stained red with your blood. You were in the medical wing on the operating table. Bruce was moving around just out of your peripheral vision.

_Sleep, love. You’ll be alright now._

The darkness was already descending before he thought it. You kept a tight hold on Loki’s hand as you surrendered once again to the void.


	47. In which Tony uses the B-word

You dreamt of nothing, having fallen into such a deep sleep that not even the pain from your stab wound could wake you. When you did eventually wake up you were on your back in a dark room: still in the medical ward. You hadn’t been moved from the operating table; the dull ache which remained in your side and your nose proved that that had been a smart idea.

You turned you head to the side and could just make out the shape of Loki, asleep, sat on a chair next to the operating table and slumped forward, resting his face on his folded arms atop of the table next to your torso. Gingerly, you lifted an arm and moved your hand to his hair, running your fingers through it slowly. He must be shattered if he was sleeping this deeply. You didn’t want to think about why he might have had to use so much magic that he’d tired himself out like this.

Loki hummed quietly in appreciation in his sleep, causing you to not so much laugh as to breathe out heavily through your nose. This was a mistake. Pain shot through your side and you tensed in pain, biting your lip in an attempt not to make a noise and disturb Loki. He was already awake, sitting up abruptly.

“What, what’s wrong?” he asked drowsily, his voice thick with sleep, blinking sleepily in the general direction of your face. He moved to brush his hair out of his eyes, a force of habit, as now there was none there to brush away. You felt a rush of affection towards him.

“I’m okay.” you whispered, smiling as he yawned. “Are you?”

Loki threw you a disbelieving look, which you then thought you might have actually imagined; the room was so dark you could barely see his face. His thoughts, however, were crystal clear.

_You’re recovering from a stab wound, two cracked ribs and a broken nose and you’re asking me if I’m alright?_

_I was worried about you._

_I’m fine, it was fine._

_You’re tired out._

_Yes._

_Why?_

He moved his chair up so that he was closer to you and gently took one of your hands.

_You were in a lot of pain. It took a lot of magic to numb it._

So he hadn’t used magic on his mission. He’d used it on you. You closed your eyes briefly, squeezing his hand.

_Thank you._

_What happened?_

You started explaining to him about the technology they’d had which made them look like the team, but he stopped you.

“Thor told me about that. I mean how did this happen?” he asked, gesturing towards the stab wound which was now barely even there.

“… I got stabbed?”

Loki rolled his eyes endearingly.

“Obviously.”

“There were so many of them; it was hard to keep track. I was so caught up with fighting this one guy I wasn’t really thinking about any of the others.”

“If I’d have been there…”

“But you weren’t. Accidents happen.”

“Someone _stabbed_ you.” Loki stressed.

“I’m an Avenger. It’s in the job description.” you retorted humorously. Loki didn’t smile.

“I’m fine. It hurts a bit but I’m healing fast, right?” you continued, deciding to prove your point by moving to sit up. The pain brought tears to your eyes, but you made it. Loki was shaking his head at your stubbornness, still half asleep. You lifted the hem of your shirt to examine the stab wound; it looked as though it were a few days old rather than only a few hours. Being Asgardian and having access to high tech medical equipment had probably had a large part to play in your inhumanly fast healing process.

Your back ached from lying on a hard table for a long period of time and you looked longingly over at the beds which lined the far wall as you dropped the hem of your shirt.

Loki sighed, getting to his feet in resignation.

_Let me carry you._

_No-_

He was already gently lifting you off the table; you screwed your eyes shut and turned your face away as pain lanced across your side. Never before had a bed felt so soft or inviting; you were half asleep again before Loki had even put you down properly. You could feel how tired he was even over your own fatigue.

“C’mere.” you murmured as he set you down, keeping hold of his arm.

_No-_

You yanked on his arm, ignoring how much it hurt, and he practically collapsed on the bed next to you.

_I’m not going to be able to stay awake._

He thought you were worried about the others seeing.

_I don’t care. They know._

Relieved, he moved his arm behind your head so you could rest your head on his shoulder and remain on your back. Eyes already closed, you reached up with your left hand, the side which didn’t have a stab wound in it, and intertwined your fingers with Loki’s left hand which was next to your head. He squeezed your hand briefly before falling straight back to sleep.

Trying to ignore the dull ache which remained in your side and nose, you just had time to wonder if the stab wound would leave a scar before you too fell back asleep.

Bruce refused to speak to you for a week after he came to check on you in the morning and saw you and Loki asleep together.

_Six months later_

“Y/N, where’s your boyfriend?”

“I don’t know, hiding from the sun somewhere.”

“Find him and get downstairs will you? Fury wants to talk to you.”

You sat up abruptly. “Fury’s here?”

“No, just on the phone.”

“Oh.” you sighed in relief, shielding your eyes from the glaring sun to squint at Tony. You were sunbathing on the roof of the Avengers Tower; the mid-August sun still warm enough to justify you wearing summer clothes. You noted Tony’s use of the b-word with amusement, it had only taken him seven months to accept that you and Loki were a _thing_.

Tony disappeared back inside and you stood up and stretched, brushing your fingers over the scar just above your right hip as you did so. It had been half a year since you’d been stabbed for the first time, and since then you’d acquired more than a few more scars on various parts of your body. It wasn’t something you were pleased about, but you didn’t mind them really.

_Lokes?_

_Yeah?_

_Tony wants to see us._

_Alright. I’ll be up in a minute._

The connection between you and Loki had only grown stronger in the last half year. You could communicate with each other over a distance of almost five miles (you’d spent a few nights testing how far you could teleport from one another and still communicate a few months ago), and when you were any closer than that it was as easy to talk to each other as though you were in the same room.

Of course, this wasn’t much use when he got sent off on his SHIELD assignments, sometimes for weeks at a time. The worst one had been throughout the whole month of May; Loki had been gone for twenty eight days and you’d heard nothing from either him or SHIELD for that whole time. When he had finally turned up at the tower safe, you’d been on the brink of storming the HQ and demanding to speak to Fury yourself. Upon seeing Loki you were so relieved that you’d gone into shock, been rendered temporarily unable to speak and then cried for twenty minutes straight. The others hadn’t let you hear the end of it; you still feigned ignorance whenever anyone decided to bring it up.

They were still working Loki to the ground; he had been almost constantly undercover for the last few months, and when he wasn’t in the field he was researching for assignments or training. He told you constantly that he was happy though, just frequently tired, and you believed him. He hadn’t been able to lie to you yet, and you didn’t plan on letting it happen any time soon.

Six months of training with both Loki and Nat had turned you into someone almost unrecognisable from the person you’d been when Thor had arrived to take you from your foster parents almost a year ago, both in terms of physicality and skills. You could now teleport to more than a metre away, quite a bit more in fact, but you were still working on that. Casting illusions and conjuring items were like second nature to you at this point, and you’d even learnt some healing magic which had proved very helpful on certain missions.

Training with Nat had turned to practice rather than learning. The art of wearing high heels during combat was one that you’d mastered by now (there had been a few more parties over the last six months).

_Where are you?_

_Sorry, coming._

You made your way back inside and then teleported down to the kitchen, startling Bucky and causing him to almost fall off of his stool. He angrily threw a book which happened to be in front of his at the time at you.

“Will you _stop_ doing that!”

You caught the book deftly with an apologetic grin and tossed it back on to the table.

“Sorry Buck.”

Loki was already with Tony in the living room, sat on opposite sofas and you hastened over to sit next to Loki. No longer was there an awkward tension around the others and Loki, but you were sure that Tony would rather not be alone with him for any elongated period of time. As you sat down Tony began to talk, but you became somewhat preoccupied when Loki’s mind started to wander away from Tony and towards you.

_You’re burnt._

_I’m not burnt._

_You are, look._

A quick glance down at your arm proved him right.

_Oh._

“-didn’t have any plans this evening, did you?” Tony asked.

“…no.” you replied, conscious of the fact you had no idea what he had just said to you.

“Good, I’ll tell him. They’ll probably send a car for you later on sometime.”

“Great. Thanks.” you smiled, watching as he stood up and left. You turned to Loki.

“We’re going back to SHIELD. Fury wants to speak to us both.” Loki filled you in. You were only slightly indignant that he had been listening to Tony and thinking about something entirely different at the same time.

“About what?”

“He didn’t say.” Loki shrugged.

_Maybe they want me in on the undercover thing? Investigating HYDRA?_

You’d since found out the name of the undercover organisation operating within SHIELD; the thought of going in on it with Loki filled you with equal amounts of dread and excitement. Loki looked displeased.

_I hope that’s not what this is about._

…

“We need you to go undercover, together.” Fury told you.

Loki’s jaw went into overdrive, and Fury was watching you in anticipation.

“I’m in.” you said.

“No. Wait. Just – why do we both need to go. Why not just me like usual?” Loki asked. It was almost cute how worried about you he was. The thought earnt you a glare.

“Because this is different, you’re going to London so it makes sense to have two of you rather than just one; you’ll have a better chance of getting out unscathed if things go south. Obviously we’d rather send in actual agents, but they’d be recognised almost immediately. HYDRA are meeting there with representatives from all over the world and you’re both going to be representatives from New York and Washington.” Fury told you, pointing at Loki and then yourself respectively.

“How long for?” you asked, cutting across Loki who had opened his mouth to argue some more.

“Indefinitely, you’ll be finding out intel as you go.”

“I see. And won’t it look a bit suspicious when we turn up having no clue what’s going on?”

Fury tossed a file across the table towards you.

“Everything we have is in there, so you’d better get reading. You leave tomorrow.”

You tried to hide your shock. Loki was in a seriously bad mood by now. Opening the file, which looked awfully thin to contain ‘everything we have’ inside, you pulled out two different sets of plane tickets.

“These are for separate flights.” you observed after examining them.

“Yes Y/N, they are.” Fury praised you sarcastically.

“Why?”

“Because the HYDRA representatives from New York and Washington will get flights from the nearest airport to them, AKA not the same airport. It would look suspicious if they were to be on exactly the same flight.”

“Would it?” you asked dubiously.

“It’s for your own safety. It’s probably for the best that you have little to no interaction while you’re around the other members of the organisation as well.” Fury said dismissively, standing up to leave.

“Great.” you said flatly.

“I’ll be in touch.” Fury told you, and strode from the room. You turned to look at Loki, who met your gaze with an unamused scowl.

“Free holiday?” you suggested.

“No.”


	48. In which you go undercover

When you got back to the tower later that day, you told everyone  that you were being sent on an undercover mission together while Loki started trawling through the file Fury had given you . 

“So, you’re leaving....?”

“Tomorrow.” you finished Tony’s sentence for him, trying and failing not to feel the immense amount of worry everyone in the room was feeling for you.

“Right. Indefinitely?”  Tony  continued. 

You nodded. You couldn’t say you  were upset that you and Loki were being sent off on an undercover mission together, but you weren’t  exactly  thrilled either. You were going to be associating with literal Nazi’s for the foreseeable future, and that wasn’t something that filled you with excitement. 

That evening was an uncharacteristically quiet one ,  and although it was to be your last night at the tower for who knew how long you couldn’t  bear to sit and listen to everyone thinking about the worst things that could happen to you (and Loki, in Thor’s case) on the undercover mission. Usually you would try to block out such unsavory thoughts, but  the intensity and number of th em which were bouncing around the room was such that you  couldn’t block them out. Eventually you stood up and bid everyone goodnight, even though it was barely past nine pm. 

Once you were safely away from everyone’s thoughts in your room, you changed into your pajamas and started looking through the file that Fury had given you and Loki. You put aside the separate plane tickets, hotel booking references and taxi bookings and picked up the fake identities you were about to be taking on. The lady you were going to be impersonating was called Michelle; you stared at the picture attached to the file for a moment before casting an illusion over yourself to become said lady. She was middle aged, in her late thirties according to her file, and had a mean looking face with harsh eyebrows and thin lips. Her mousy brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, and you guessed that she rarely wore it any other way. A quick scan through the rest of her file showed that she had been engaged to be married a few years earlier, but her fiancé had been killed in a freak accident a few months before the wedding. There was a clipping of an article covering the accident, which heavily hinted that SHIELD had had something to do with the ‘accident’, which had resulted in the deaths of several high-ranking government officials. Turning the piece of paper over, you discovered the word ‘HYDRA’ stamped in red ink. 

SHIELD had obviously been investigating this underground organisation for far longer than Fury was letting on.  Further  examination of the file led you to discover that  Michelle had  no other family apart from an older sister living in Spain with whom she had had no contact with for years. This led you to wonder what had become of  Michelle after SHIELD had discovered she was really  working for  HYDRA. 

You were drawn from your  thoughts by a noise of surprise which emitted from the doorway to your room. Loki obviously hadn’t been expecting to find a small , headteacher-like lady sat on your bed. 

“ Michelle looks like she could use a holiday.” he smirked,  closing the door behind him.  You were far past the point of being surprised that he’d known what you were thinking despite the fact he’d been in an entirely different room.

“I don’t think she’ll be jetting off on any holidays any time soon.” you remarked, dropping the illusion as Loki walked towards you. He hummed in appreciation as  your face reappeared .

“That’s better.” he smiled, lifting your chin to give you a kiss before moving to sit next to you to look at the files; you were unable to stop the smile which spread across your face. Loki picked up the file which contained all of the information on the person he was to be impersonating and barely gave it a glance before tossing it aside again with a sigh. It was the same person he’d been pretending to be on all of his previous undercover missions investigating HYDRA; he already knew all there was to know about them. This you gleaned from his thoughts.

“Here, you’d better look at mine.” you said, handing him  Michelle ’s file.

“I thought we weren’t meant to know about each other or ac knowledge one another at all?”  Loki reminded you. 

“I’m sur e Michelle and Harry have probably met before.” you shrugged. Harry was  the man that Loki had been impersonating for the last few months, and unlike Michelle you knew all too well what Harry’s fate had been when he had admitted to  betraying SHIELD. His colleagues in HYDRA were apparently none the wiser.

“So, Fury hasn’t been telling us everything.” Loki said, holding up the newspaper clipping with HYDRA  stamped on the back. 

“That’s what I thought.” you agreed.

“Good to know right before he ships us off to the other side of the world with no backup on a potential suicide mission.” he  mused sarcastically ,  pulling the rest of the file’s contents towards him. 

“We don’t need backup, we have each other.” you reminded him.

“Might be nice to know that the calvary is nearby , just in case. ” he suggested.

The two of you spent the next few hours combing through the file and getting every detail about  both of  your new identities , travel routes and  quirks  down to a tee. All of a sudden it was almost midnight and your head was pounding from all the new information you’d acquired in the last short few hours. 

Eventually the file was pushed aside and  Loki convinced you to try and get some sleep . 

“You’re going to have to keep up an illusion for hours on end, you need to rest.” he told you. He was right; you hadn’t thought about this aspect of the mission yet. You were confident that you’d be able to keep the illusion up, but he was right about needing rest for it. Once you were in bed, curled against Loki’s side, a thought emerged in your mind which you hadn’t really had time to think about yet. 

_ We won’t be able to talk, or _ _ … well, anything. Maybe for weeks. _

Loki’s hand stilled on your back for a second before he responded.

_ Yes, we will. We talk like this all the time. _ _ They can’t watch us around the clock. _

_ This is HYDRA we’re talking about.  _

_ Even so. _

_ All I’m saying is that it might be difficult.  _

Loki sighed, deeply.

_ Maybe. We’ll be okay.  _ _ Unless they have CCTV _ _ everywhere _ _. _

You s tarted to laugh , but then started wondering whether they actually would have hidden cameras.

_ Relax. We’ll worry about it out when we get there. Now sleep. _

It was hard to drift off while your mind was buzzing  like it was, but  after a few minutes of concentrating solely on the sound of Loki’s heart beating , sleep came to you quicker than you had anticipated it would. 

The morning arrived far too quickly.

It was just beginning to get light as you got up and you could barely keep your eyes open  as  you were met by SHIELD agents in the kitchen and they began to explain in excruciating detail  how the rest of your day was going to go. After you got on your flights, everything was down to you, they explained, as if you weren’t already very aware of that. 

Then Tony was there, forcing breakfast on you , and then the rest of the team arrived in various states of consciousness. Thor had never  looked  more awake, or more solemn for that matter, whereas Nat kept having to kick Clint to get him to stay awake.

After the agents had finished talking to you (you hoped Loki had been listening, you hadn’t taken in a word of what they’d been saying)  they informed you that  there was a helicopter waiting for you on the roof and a taxi waiting downstairs for Loki. You hadn’t realised  that yo u’d be split up this early on. The agents left , and Thor immediately immersed you in a bear hug .

“Be careful.” he told you aggressively, his voice slightly muffled. You made a noise of agreement, unable to speak  due to the bone crushing embrace you were trapped in.  Once released you said goodbye to everyone else , apart from Clint who was now fast asleep on the sofa. 

You turned to Tony last; he gave you a strained smile and clapped you on the shoulder . Then he seemed  to have second thoughts and held his arms out to you instead. You hugged him tightly.

“I’ll be okay.”  you told him as he released you.

“Yeah . Y ou’d better be.” he responded, his voice sounding oddly constricted.  You felt a sudden, random rush of affection towards Thor, and turned  to see Loki  looking away from him, curiously bright eyed.

_ Don’t even _ _. _

You grinned , and then  abruptly stopped when  you realised it was time to go.  Loki looked at you across the room.

_ Go, I’ll meet yo _ _ u  _ _ in the elevator. _

“ S how time Y/ N , get going.” Nat grinned, and you smiled at her gratefully,  happy to have a reason to leave the room before you got upset. You hadn’t realised how much you didn’t want to leave .  The walk to the elevator felt like an out of body experience ,  but you were brought quickly back down to earth as the doors slid shut and Loki appeared in front of you. The elevator began to move.

“Are you okay?”

You didn’t even bother replying,  just letting him wrap his arms around you and putting your head against his chest, inhaling the smell of him. The thought of  not being able to talk to him, or see him , or touch him for the next however long was almost unbearable. 

“ We’ll find a way, okay?” he murmured,  moving a hand to  your hair as you clung to him. 

_ What if there isn’t a way. _

_ There will be. Of course there will be. _

He was worried too. This did nothing to  alleviate your concerns,  and now you only had seconds left with him  before …  before whatever was about to happen.  There was a split second in which you looked at each other and  made a joint decision to make the most of it, and then he had you pinned against the wall and was kissing you hard.  Right before the elevator was about to reach the roof  you broke away from him and punched the emergency stop button .

Loki smiled, drawing you back to him and resting his forehead against yours , his hands sliding up your arms to your shoulders and then  cupping your face. You closed your eyes,  wishing you could stop time and just stay in this moment forever.

_ Me too. _

You smiled sadly as the moment passed. 

“I’ll see you later.”  Loki  said, pulling away from you reluctantly. Just as reluctantly, you let him go.

_ I love you. _

_ I love you too. _

And then he was gone. 

You had to take several breaths before  assertively hitting the emergency stop button again to allow the elevator to continue its journey towards the roof. 

Everything was  going to be fine.


	49. In which you travel to London

Two SHIELD agents were waiting for you on the roof alongside a helicopter. They introduced themselves as Alfie and Sienna, and then you were climbing into the helicopter and being flown away from the tower and towards who knew where. Alfie explained that you were being taken to a SHIELD base on the other side of Manhattan, where you would board a private jet and fly to Washington D.C., where you would then become Michelle, get a taxi to the airport and fly with a commercial airline to London. Your brain struggled to keep up; you still felt as though you’d just gotten out of bed.

The helicopter journey was short, which was a good thing because you weren’t enjoying it all that much: it was really loud and the headphones you’d been given to wear were too large and kept slipping. The view, however, almost made it worth it. You tried not to think about the fact that Loki was right now in one of the tiny cars moving around far below you, heading towards the JFK airport.

It didn’t work. At least you weren’t experiencing the horrible tugging feeling you used to get whenever the two of you separated.

A feeling of relief settled over you when you started descending to land on a runway outside what must have been the other SHIELD base Alfie had spoken of.

You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, but it wasn’t to be ushered swiftly from the helicopter you’d arrived in and straight on to a private jet waiting less than forty feet away. Inside was none other than Nick Fury himself.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, trying to hide your incredulation as you looked about the luxurious interior of the plane. Everything was white, including the leather seats, save for the carpet and tables, which were light brown.

“Y/N, pleasant as ever to see you.” Fury acknowledged you, gesturing for you to sit in the seat opposite him. Alfie and Sienna disappeared into the cockpit; apparently they were trained pilots as well as agents.

“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting to see you.” you told Fury.

“Evidently. I came to wish you good luck.”

You stopped in your tracks. This was very unlike Fury. There had to be an ulterior motive at play here somewhere. He raised his eyebrows, seeming to guess what you were thinking.

“This is a very important mission. Although Loki is still considered a liability…” here you set your jaw unwittingly, “he has been working for us for a while now. He knows what he’s doing. You, however…”

“I know what I’m doing. I’ve imitated people before, on missions and not. One time I imitated Bucky for a whole afternoon, you should have seen Steve’s face when…” you trailed off. Wrong audience.

“This is your chance to pull out of this operation. You must understand that if this goes wrong, SHIELD could be _massively_ compromised.” Fury stressed, staring at you intently with his one visible eye.

“They won’t catch us.”

“And if they do…”

“They _won’t_.”

You said this with a conviction which was almost unwavering. Ninety percent of you was sure that you wouldn’t get caught, and the other ten percent just didn’t want to think about what might happen to you if you were found out. And Loki…

“Good. Don’t let it happen.” Fury said after a long pause, turning to look out of the window. You were surprised when you looked out of the window and the world outside was moving, having not even noticed the engines starting up. 

“Uh, aren’t you supposed to be getting off before we take off?” you asked Fury.

“No. I’m going to D.C. anyway today; it makes sense to travel together.” he told you, reaching to fasten his seatbelt. A feeling of dismay settled over you. You’d been looking forward to having a whole hour of luxury to yourself. And instead…

“Let’s see how much you’ve learnt shall we?” Fury asked you, revealing a copy of Michelle’s file. You tried to maintain a neutral face as you fastened your seatbelt and watched the ground drop away from beneath you as the plane rose into the air and Fury began to test you. This was going to be a long hour.

When you finally touched down in Washington you’d been through every detail of Michelle’s file for so long that you almost felt as if you were her. Fury had made you stare at her picture for so long that it almost felt like second nature to cast the illusion which turned you into her. You checked your watch as you stepped off of the plane. It was six thirty in the morning, so taking the time difference and flight time into consideration, it was about twelve hours before you would be able to drop your illusion. The thought made you feel exhausted.

You entered a building and were presented with a large suitcase and handbag, which according to a new agent who had just appeared alongside a whole entourage of SHIELD agents contained everything you would need for up to a month’s stay in London. You didn’t ask what would happen if you were required to stay over there for longer than one month, which you sincerely hoped you wouldn’t have to.

“As of now, you are Michelle Cooper, agent of HYDRA. Not Y/N Y/L/N, and certainly not someone who is affiliated or has had any contact with SHIELD in any way, ever.” Fury said to you. You nodded mutely, suddenly overwhelmed with nerves.

“Don’t get caught.” he said, before striding away through a door on the other side of the room flanked by two agents.

“Thanks, I’ll miss you too.” you muttered under your breath, and a young agent stood opposite you stifled a laugh. You smiled at him, and he smiled back. Thank god someone was around to lighten the mood.

Unfortunately the relapse didn’t last long as you were informed that your taxi was picking you up a twenty minute walk away from the SHIELD building and you had to set off immediately. You grit your teeth and picked up the handbag and suitcase handle.

“Good luck out there.” spoke the agent who had laughed, and a few of the other agents wished you good luck too. You nodded in acknowledgment and appreciation, not trusting yourself to speak, and stepped outside into the cool morning air. Correction: Michelle stepped outside into the cool morning air. She had a flight to catch.

Approximately two hours later you were sat on board the most gigantic plane you had ever seen, still reeling from the awful experience which had been getting through the airport. It had been loud, crowded and extremely hot and you’d hated every second of it. The queuing, the security checks, all of it. Your heart ached for Loki; if you’d hated it he must have had the worst time of his life. You wondered where he was right now, probably already in the air, halfway over the Atlantic. He would hate the flight too.

You, on the other hand, had accidentally charmed the man at the desk into upgrading you to first class, and were now sat watching the ground drop away from beneath you out of a tiny window for the third time since you’d woken up this morning in luxury. You marvelled at the fact that you could barely feel the fact that you were hurtling into the air at five hundred miles per hour; this was a very different experience to flying in the Quinjet. Now you thought of the team back in New York; you missed them already.

Pulling out the headphones which were provided inflight, you began browsing for the least boring looking film you could find on the TV screen in front of you. You needed to stop thinking for a while; you had six more hours to kill before you began your descent over London. Pressing play, you reclined in your chair and looked out of the window, watching Washington grow smaller and smaller below you. Your thoughts roamed immediately to Loki; this was hopeless. Concentrate on the film Y/N. No, Michelle. Michelle Cooper.

The flight went considerably slower than you had hoped it would go, but eventually you felt the plane begin to lose altitude, and for the first time in hours you could now see land when you looked out of the window. You pulled out Michelle’s phone; the time had changed automatically to match the time zone you had entered. It was only three pm for you, but in England it was eight pm, and the sun was beginning to get low in the sky. The descent over London was beautiful; the views managed to distract you from your troublesome thoughts, even if only for half an hour. The minute your flight touched down to the minute you stepped out of the airport was almost exactly one hour, and you managed to find your taxi with relative ease. Thankfully exiting the airport had been a lot easier than getting though it the other way.

After about twenty five minutes of sitting in the taxi looking out of the window you began to feel a lot less stressed, even though you were approaching a hotel filled with Nazi’s who you were expected to affiliate with for the next few weeks. Loki was near, you could tell. Sure enough within the next couples of minutes you began to be able to hear his thoughts; he was talking to someone but knew you were getting nearer.

When you finally arrived at the hotel it was pitch black and you were absolutely starving hungry. Your cab driver lifted your suitcase out of the back for you and went on his way, and then you were alone, in the dark outside the hotel. It looked nice enough, but you got the feeling that you were going to grow to hate it here.

_Y/N._

His voice in your head was such a natural thing; being without it for even a short amount of time felt odd, unnatural. You were insanely glad that he was here with you.

_Are you okay?_

_Yeah._

A lie.

That was all there was time for, because then he was being drawn into another conversation. You dragged your suitcase inside and checked in, sneaking a peak around the door of the dining room as you did so. Loki met your gaze; you could both see through each other’s illusions as though they weren’t there. Then the receptionist was talking to you again and a porter was taking your bag and leading you upstairs, and you had to turn away.

Your room was nice, it had a king-sized bed, an en-suite and small kitchen area with a kettle, fridge and other essentials. Thanking the porter you dumped your bags on the bed 0and immediately went back downstairs into the dining room. Now it was time to really become Michelle, there were people in this room who knew her, and the ones who didn’t were bound to ask questions about her life.

The minute you stepped inside the room you were swamped by an eager crowd of HYDRA agents greeting you, and you fought to look anywhere but in Loki’s direction. After twenty minutes of successful small talk a strange hush fell over the room as a large, entitled looking man in a sharp suit entered the room and stood at the head of the table, observing you all.

“Good evening. Now that we are all present I have an announcement to make before we eat.”

You hoped this speech of his didn’t last long; your stomach hadn’t agreed with the plane food so you’d hardly eaten a thing all day, and the smells coming from the kitchen were positively heavenly.

“We’ve been alerted to the fact that there is a large possibility that SHIELD have become aware of our presence, and there is every likelihood that there are one or more SHIELD agents amongst us at this very moment.”

A jolt of dread shot through you, and you had to fight to keep the aloof, slightly bored look on Michelle’s face as a murmur swept around the room.

_There’s no way they can know, don’t worry._

You wanted to go over to Loki so badly.

“Would anyone like to say anything before it’s too late? I can only guarantee a painless death at this point, but after that… well.”

You’d never had to try so hard to keep an illusion up, save maybe for the first time you ever tried it. The room became deathly silent.

“Good. Well then, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about.” the man in the suit smiled, and it struck you how unnerving it was that he looked like a genuinely nice person when he smiled.

“You should all know that we have tripled security and made ID and background checks even more vigorous, and there is CCTV running almost everywhere in this and the neighbouring hotel. As I said before, this should not faze anyone who has nothing to hide.”

_Don’t panic. Y/N, it’s fine, we prepared for this._

_Not like this!_

“Now, let’s eat shall we?” he continued, gesturing for everyone to sit down around the table. You had completely lost your appetite.

You don’t know what was making you more stressed, the fact that it was now common knowledge that there were spies in the midst of this room of murderers and you just so happened to be one of those spies, or the fact that you had to pretend to be strangers with Loki for the foreseeable future. You weren’t going to be able to sneak off together, not with the amount of security around.

Just before the food arrived, someone you’d got stuck talking to dragged you over to Loki, no, Harry, to introduce you. Perfect.

“A pleasure to meet you Michelle.” Harry said, lifting your hand to kiss it. The swell of longing which rose in your throat threatened to suffocate you as you forced Michelle to smile politely. This was the worst torture imaginable to you, what had you done to deserve this? 

_Sit down, quickly._

You slid into chairs next to each other without much notice as everyone else began to sit down too, and began to make small talk so you wouldn’t look suspicious while simultaneously talking through your thoughts.

_How do you think they found out?_

_Never mind about that, Michelle and Harry are going to have to fall in love._

You bit back a smile as Loki pushed his leg against yours under the table and you returned the pressure, hard. It was going to have to do for now.


	50. In which they know

The next fortnight was one which you would rather forget.

As the days went by you became more and more frustrated; Michelle’s days were long and gruelling and some days you barely managed to make it back to your hotel room before dropping the illusion and falling straight into a deep sleep. Loki was struggling less with the illusions, but no less with the fact that you’d barely interacted for the entire time you’d been in London. This was solely due to the fact that Harry was working night shifts, and Michelle day shifts. Your timetables regularly seemed to fit perfectly (or, not) around the other’s, with one of you just coming off of a shift as the other arrived back from one. You couldn’t help but wonder if this was a deliberate move. The head of this department (the entitled man in the suit from dinner on the first night: Agent Gregor) had not warmed to either Michelle nor Harry and on more than one occasion you’d overheard your temporary colleagues discussing this fact.

Rumours were circulating.

Eight days into this awful regime there was finally a respite: you finished your shift an hour early and when you returned to the hotel Loki still had two hours before he was due to leave. All thoughts of Fury’s warnings about jeopardising the mission and the fact that you were in a building of the most evil people you’d ever met went straight out the window; you’d be damned if you weren’t going to grab this opportunity with both hands.

Two positively blissful hours later you teleported back to your room and slept the best you had in a week. So maybe you didn’t want to forget _all_ of the fortnight.

Thoughts of that night and brief, sleepy conversations through your thoughts got you through the following week to the day of the meeting. You’d a bad feeling about it the minute it had been announced that morning: an ‘emergency’ meeting regarding the ‘safety and continuation’ of the organisation. Along with everyone else you were assigned to your shift with you returned to the hotel early and were directed to the board room where all the other agents were gathered around the long table in the centre of the room. Half of the agents present looked half asleep, having been working the previous night and using this afternoon to catch up on lost sleep. Harry looked slightly bleary-eyed, whereas Loki quite literally looked like he was going to fall asleep at the table. You sincerely hoped that wasn’t about to happen; you barely had enough energy to keep up your own illusion these days, let alone a whole other one alongside that.

Loki raised his head and gave you an appraising look from down the table as he heard your thoughts as you sat down and you smiled uneasily in return, unseen by anyone else. The blinds were drawn so that little light was actually entering the room, you assumed that this meant the topic of the meeting was not going to be a light and breezy one. Then again, you probably could have worked that out from the urgent nature of the meeting.

Agent Gregor entered the room and closed the door abruptly behind him. The volume dropped rapidly, alongside your body temperature as he looked directly at you. You felt Loki’s attention, and your own for that matter, sharpen dramatically. Finally, after what seemed like an age, the man’s attention moved away from you and he strode purposefully towards the head of the table, where he slowly sat down.

Apparently nerves had begun to make you hysterical, because you were suddenly forcefully reminded of Voldemort sat at the head of a long table full of Death Eaters and a laugh bubbled inside of you. Loki was giving you an incredulous look. He looked so tired; you were aching to hold him again. Some agents had their eyes fixated on Agent Gregor, while many others were gazing at their hands, or various points along the wall.

“Among us today, are two spies.”

Your soul left your body.

“SHIELD agents, no less. As we suspected.”

Michelle and Harry remained entirely indifferent. You and Loki did not. You fought not to start hyperventilating; all your senses had heightened tenfold. Loki had started plotting different escape routes, all of which relied on you being able to teleport out of the building while holding the illusion which everyone else in the room believed to be Michelle.

_I can’t._

_You’re going to have to if you want to avoid a fight._

_I’ll fight._

_No, we want to_ avoid _fighting-_

“These agents are in disguise, posing as two of our loyal agents, who are in fact dead.”

The ripple of shock which passed around the room struck you as ironic. The number of innocent dead people by HYDRA’s hands was uncountable, and now a mere two of their own had died and there was upset. You wondered whether these people actually believed that they were doing right.

_Y/N, listen to me, we need to move quickly._

It was at that moment that you realised something was wrong.

Besides the obvious worrying fact that you were about the be exposed in a room full of murderous Nazis, something else was very, very wrong. Loki was oblivious to your thoughts, trying to explain to you how you were going to get out of the building without detection. Agent Gregor was talking again, and suddenly everyone was looking at Loki. Rather, they were looking at Harry. Fear spiked in your throat, but for some inexplicable reason you weren’t afraid because he’d just been exposed as a traitor.

Time slowed down, and you were reminded of all those months ago when you’d thought you were going to die after you’d been kidnapped and that old lady had tried to have you shot. Loki had risked his life to save you then, and on several occasions since. Time to return the favour.

Several things happened at once, all in apparent slow motion. Three of the men around the table stood up, including Agent Gregor. Loki, finally realising that you hadn’t listened to any of his thoughts and that something else was horribly wrong, looked at you in horror down the table as you dropped your illusion. The dread for him which you were feeling had reached such an intensity that you instinctively channelled every last inch of your magic into creating a shield around him.

Suddenly, time returned to normal. For a second, you, Y/N, not Michelle, were stood utterly defenceless in the midst of a room full of HYDRA agents, and the fear which you had felt barely a second ago had vanished, confusion taking its place. Loki, however, now looked terrified.

You locked eyes with him for a fraction of a second before the wall behind him exploded.

In reality you were probably airborne for about three seconds, but it felt like a lot longer to you. Noise ceased to exist. The air was sucked from your lungs as you were thrown backwards into space alongside the agents you’d been sat among.

 _That’s_ why you’d been so scared for Loki, he had been about to die. _Here_ was a useful side effect of this soulmate connection. At least he would be safe, the shield you’d created would take most of the shock wave for him. It was then that it occurred to you that you should probably be slightly more concerned about your own wellbeing; you’d just been sat less than twenty meters away from a bomb which had just gone off. Here was that fear again, but this time you felt it for yourself instead.

You were falling now, about to hit the floor. Above you now was the sky, grey and cloudy and vast; fire and smoke followed you from the building and then suddenly noise returned briefly, shattering all comprehension you thought you’d previously had of the word ‘loud’. The little breath which you had was knocked from you as you hit the floor, a lot gentler than you’d anticipated. You didn’t need to look to know it was Loki’s magic beneath you, protecting you.

The burst of relief you felt was short and sweet. During your time as an Avenger you thought you had built up a pretty good pain tolerance, but the agony which suddenly enshrouded you was unprecedented. You were in too much pain to make a noise. How long you lay there for you didn’t know, listening to the distant ringing noise in your ears and the grating of your lungs as you fought to breathe. The air was thick with brick dust and smoke; you couldn’t see the sky anymore. You also couldn’t feel your right leg, but couldn’t raise your head enough to see what was wrong with it.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, figures started emerging from the dust and smoke. You recognised the uniform, these were paramedics and police officers, and now you could make out blue lights from beyond the gloom. No sirens though, still only ringing. They started moving people (bodies? You couldn’t tell) from amongst the debris. You wondered if you were going to die; you felt oddly numb now, as though detached from your own body. The next time you opened your eyes, Loki was leaning over you.

Relief, you decided, was your favourite sensation. Nothing else mattered.

You were so glad he was okay, although he looked painfully pale and scared, so scared, especially when he looked at your leg, which incidentally you still couldn’t feel.

If he tried to warn you before he moved to pick you up, you didn’t hear him. You didn’t hear the distorted groan of pain you emitted as he lifted you, nor the scrape of metal on brick that came from the large piece of steel which had five minutes previously been part of the hotel’s framework, but was now lodged through your right calf.

Loki half carried, half dragged you away from the chaos, and then suddenly someone was helping him to lift you. The pain was washing over you in waves of torment, and you were helpless to stop it. Then you were in the back of a car, slumped over as Loki shouted something, trying to keep you upright. The car moved forward, this you knew because you were pressed sideways against the back of the leather interior with significant force. Loki was holding you, but his left arm was broken and he had a cracked rib. This you knew innately, without having to look or hear what he was saying. The fact that you still couldn’t hear anything apart from ringing was beginning to worry you.

Then you saw your leg, and all worries about your ears vanished. It had been sliced almost clean in half by a chunk of steel framework from the hotels wall. It was huge, and it had cut right through your calf.

That did it. It didn’t matter that you were suspended in your own oddly calm bubble of unfeeling and not hearing anything: seeing your leg cut almost in half was too much.

You sincerely hoped you were heading towards safety, and then you fainted.


	51. In which it really is a free holiday

When you woke up again, you felt like you were fifty feet underwater. Your limbs felt heavy and your eyes didn’t want to open properly.

“Y/N?”

Loki’s voice broke through your consciousness. You could hear, that was good. Loki said your name again and you opened your eyes slowly; everything came flooding back. You were still in the back of the car, but now you could feel the pain you were supposed to be feeling, if dully. To you this was a welcome feeling, not being able to feel anything had been horrible.

Suddenly you remembered the reason you’d passed out in the first place. You jerked your head up to see your leg and choked in relief when you saw that the metal pole was gone; your leg was bandaged tightly but the material was stained with blood. Where had the bandages come from?

Loki helped you to sit up; his hands were shaking. You slowly turned where you were sat and took him in, he was still deathly pale and covered in blood and brick dust. He let out a shaky laugh and pulled you towards him gently, both of you wincing from your injuries as you hugged.

_I’m so sorry._

You shook your head, knowing where this was going.

_Don’t start._

_I should’ve realised, I could have protected you._

_You did._

_Not enough. You were so quick, I barely even got a scratch._

Suddenly there was a knock on the window, making you jump.

“It’s okay.” Loki told you, releasing his hold on you and swinging the door open. There was a SHIELD agent stood outside, but that wasn’t the bit that shocked you. It was dark and cold outside; the smell and sound of the sea engulfed you.

“What time is it? How long was I… where are we?”

Your voice was quiet and hoarse.

“You’re awake.” the SHIELD agent said, looking at your leg through the door.

“Yes. Hello.” you replied, after clearing your throat.

“This is Agent Shawcross, he drove us to a hospital and then… here.” Loki told you.

“Y/N, it is half past ten, you’ve been asleep for just under eight hours and we are on the south west coast of England, Cornwall.” the agent told you.

“Why?”

“There’s a safe house here. You’re both to stay isolated here until further instructions.”

You looked at Loki in disbelief. He was fighting back a smile.

“Help me out?” you asked.

He climbed out of the car and allowed you to lean on him as you clambered after him, gritting your teeth at the dull ache which seemed to reside in every particle of your being. It was windy outside of the car, and the welcoming sound of the sea was loud in your ears. After having been virtually deaf you were drinking in the smallest of noises, savouring them.

You were at the end of a long row of whitewashed, extremely modern looking houses which lined the edge of a cliff, beyond which was a steep drop into the ocean far below. It was a clear night and the moonlight was reflecting off of the pitch black water to illuminate a small beach at the base of the cliffs you were currently atop of. You could taste salt as your hair blew in tendrils across your face, obscuring your vision.

“Let’s get inside, quickly.” the SHIELD agent said to you, walking towards the house you were parked nearest to. On ground level there was a huge driveway and double garage doors, and a marble staircase led up to the first floor of the house where the front door was located. The agent took the stairs two at a time while extracting some keys from his pocket, while Loki helped you ascend in a much slower fashion. By the time you reached the front door Agent Shawcross was already inside, turning lights on and running the taps in the kitchen, presumably checking that the water was working.

The house was immaculate, minimalistic and beautiful. The whole first floor was open plan, with a huge kitchen diner and living room; the far wall was entirely made of glass which looked out over the ocean. Spiral staircases led up and down in the centre of the space; you assumed these led to the garage below and the second floor above. The whole thing reminded you forcibly of the pictures Tony had showed you of his house in Malibu.

Thinking of Tony had been a mistake: first you were hit with a fresh bout of homesickness and then immediately starting wondering whether the team had heard news of the attack on the hotel you’d been staying in. They must have heard by now, the agent had said the attack had happened eight hours ago and you were five hours ahead because of the time difference, so it would have happened early in the morning for them. It would be late afternoon back home by now.

_Y/N, they don’t even know what our mission was, let alone whether we were in that hotel or not._

_They knew we were going to be in London on a mission for SHIELD, and now there’s been a bombing in a hotel full of SHIELD’s biggest rivals in the centre of London. They’re not entirely stupid._

_Well…_

“Do the team know we’re okay?” you asked the agent, who was now digging around in a bag for something else. He looked up at you blankly.

“The Avengers. What have they heard?” Loki clarified for you.

“I’m afraid I don’t know.” the agent said apologetically.

You went into his mind; he was telling the truth.

“Can you find a way to let them know we’re alright?”

“I can talk to Fury…”

“Fury will be denying that he or SHIELD had anything to do with this incident, he won’t want to be seen contacting the Avengers almost immediately after it happened.” Loki interjected.

“Please.” you implored, holding his gaze.

“I… I’ll see what I can do.” he told you, looking at you for a second more before returning to searching around in his bag. Loki led you over to one of the sofas while you waited and sat you down, feeling your forehead as he did so.

_Lokes, stop fussing. I’m fine._

_At the hospital they said to make sure you didn’t overheat, it could be a sign that the wound is infected._

You took his hand away from your forehead and kissed the back of it.

_I’m okay._

“Right, you need to take this.” Agent Shawcross was now holding out the keys he had used to get in, some sort of credit card and a phone. Loki took the items from him.

“Keys for the house, the card to get food and essentials and a phone for emergencies only. It’ll put you straight through to the London HQ so make sure it really is important if you do feel the need to use it.” he told you.

“Are you leaving?” you asked. You didn’t know what you’d been expecting, he had no reason to hang around here any longer.

“Yes, I need to get back up to London and help cover up any sightings of the two of you.”

For some reason this made you feel rather guilty.

“Thank you.” you told him. “Really.”

“Just doing my job.” he replied, giving you both a tired smile.

“Make sure you don’t leave this house without that disguise thing you do, we don’t want to have even more work on our hands.”

“How long will we be here for?” you asked.

The word ‘indefinitely’ had never sounded more glorious to you.

Loki went with him to the door, and then he was gone and it was just the two of you. Alone together, _finally._

He returned to sit with you on the sofa and positioned himself behind you, making sure not to disturb your leg which you’d propped up on the coffee table in front of you. You sighed happily as he hugged you to him and buried his face in your neck.

_I missed you so much._

_I know. I missed you too._

You stayed like that for a long while, perfectly content to sit and ignore the growing pain in your leg, concentrating instead on the sound of Loki’s heartbeat and the feel of his breath on your neck and how his hands completely covered yours when he held them. A thousand tiny diamonds sparkled and danced on the surface of the ocean; it was so soothing to watch, almost enough to distract you from your leg.

Almost.

“The doctors gave me some painkillers for you at the hospital.” Loki told you, knowing full well that they wouldn’t help in the slightest. He could feel your discomfort, wanted to help.

“Tell me how you got us in and out of the hospital without being recognised?” you asked through gritted teeth, needing a distraction.

“I cast illusions over us both.”

You blinked in shock.

“But… how long were we in there for?”

“I don’t know, I lost track. Hours.” he replied, unable to keep a hint of pride from his voice.

 _You kept two fully believable illusions up for_ hours _, one of them over a person who was being operated on? And you didn’t get caught?_

_Well, mine was probably less convincing. I had to hide in a broom cupboard towards the end because it kept fading. And we did sort of get caught, we had to run for it on the way out, which was quite difficult with you fresh out of the operating theatre. I had to wipe a few Midgardian’s minds too._

You were staring at Loki in disbelief.

“You are amazing.”

“It was quite spectacular.” he agreed, and you laughed.

“Shame I couldn’t have done the same back at the hotel.” he continued glumly, looking at your leg.

_This isn’t your fault. It’s… hey, who’s fault is it? Did Shawcross tell you who was behind the attack?_

_No, they could think of more than a few potential candidates who might have wanted to blow up a room full of Nazis though._

_Shame they didn’t ask SHIELD for help. Then Fury might have said ‘hey, don’t do that.’”_

Loki chuckled and you sighed, thudding your head back against his chest and screwing your eyes shut as the pain in your leg become even more intense. It was going to be a long night.

And it was a long night, but you got through it, reminding yourself constantly that you’d rather endure this pain in Loki’s company than go through one more painless night without him. The sun finally made an appearance at around half past five in the morning, and the minute cars began to start driving up and down the main road past your road and people started going about their daily business Loki took the card Agent Shawcross had given you and went to the shop on the high street down the hill. It was close enough that you were able to talk while Loki shopped, which was lucky because he hadn’t the faintest idea about what to buy, or how to buy it for that matter. While you instructed him through your mind you hobbled around the kitchen inspecting the contents of the cupboards and drawers.

By the time Loki got back, having teleported up the hill rather than make the six minute walk (“what’s the point?”) you’d convinced yourself that your leg felt better and set about eating close to half of all the food Loki had just purchased. It hadn’t occurred to you how hungry you were until you’d actually seen the food in front of you. After a ten minute break for digestion purposes you started putting all of the food away, or trying to at least.

“Will you sit _down_ Y/N.”

“I’m fine.”

“You are not _fine_.” Loki argued, grabbing your shoulders.

You tried to shrug him off but he wasn’t giving in, moving his hands to your ribs where he knew you were ticklish, a smile appearing on his face. Laughing now, you tried to escape his hold by ducking beneath his arm, forgetting momentarily about your leg. This was a mistake. Your gasp of laughter turned into a gasp of pain as your leg folded beneath you; Loki seized your forearms as you made your ungainly way towards the ground.

_You okay?_

You groaned in response, feeling the blood drain from your face as fresh pain lanced yet again through your leg. Loki sat with you on the floor until the pain subsided, holding your hands in his, your head resting on his shoulder. The guilt that he felt would have been clear to see in his eyes even if you hadn’t been able to read his mind.

_It’s not your fault Lokes._

_Yes it is._

_It’s going to be a long holiday if we carry on arguing about everything like this._

_Good. I’m keeping you here for as long as I can._

You smiled, tilting your head to meet his gaze. He was as thrilled to be here as you were.

“Indefinitely.” you murmured happily.


	52. In which HYDRA retaliates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please call me out on any grammar or spelling mistakes in these last two chapters, they were very hastily written and hardly edited! <3

Unfortunately, indefinitely wasn’t as long as you’d originally hoped for it to be.

You spent most of your days inside (your leg was healing quickly but Loki wanted you to rest completely until it was fully healed), or sat on the balcony which looked out over the sea and the beach, watching the last holidaymakers of the year having fun before the weather turned. You lost count of how many books you read, having spent days with your feet propped on Loki’s lap, both of you reading. After a few days your leg was feeling good enough for you to venture outside; you went after dark so you wouldn’t have to cast an illusion while you walked.

After a few moonlit walks on the coast with Loki you decided you loved the ocean. It was the happiest you’d been all year; not that you weren’t usually happy, but not having to worry about Loki had become a rare luxury in the last half year.

The phone Agent Shawcross had given you remained untouched for an entire blissful week, until exactly a week after you had arrived, it rang. You leapt up from the sofa and snatched the phone from the drawer you’d put it in in the kitchen; Loki watched in interest and trepidation.

_Unknown number._

You pressed the green button and raised the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, good to hear you’re alive.” Fury said.

…

A little under three hours later a car pulled up outside to take you home. You were going to miss it here, but you now hadn’t seen the team for just under a month, and you were ready to sleep in your own bed again.

The flight home was a lot more comfortable than the flight over had been, possibly because you were back in a private jet and not on a noisy, crowded, hot commercial airplane. You’d never been so thankful for leg room before in your life.

When you landed in New York it was five o’ clock in the afternoon, but it felt a lot later to you. Skipping the airport this time (Loki was insanely relieved) you were put straight into a taxi and driven not to the tower, much to your disappointment, but to SHIELD HQ, where an oddly happy looking Fury was waiting for you. Maybe happy was a bit of an overstatement, he was perhaps frowning slightly less than usual.

“Welcome back agents.” he greeted you, and Loki opened his mouth to no doubt remind Fury that he was _not_ one of his agents and then closed it again when you threw him a look. You followed Fury to his office and sat in the exact same seats that you always did.

“It’s been a while since we were last sat here.” Fury mused, looking at you both. Loki raised an eyebrow. He must have been in a good mood if he were reminiscing, you didn’t think you’d ever heard him do that before. Usually it was straight down to business.

“I suppose you want to know what happened then.” Fury told you rather than asked, pulling a file which had been on the table towards him. Not really, you thought, what you really wanted was to get home and see everyone and go to sleep. You nodded nevertheless, and Fury began to talk.

It had been as you’d expected, another anti-HYDRA organisation had got drift of the fact that there was a meeting taking place in central London and decided to take a more radical form of action than SHIELD, aka deciding to blow the meeting room up while everyone was in it, killing almost everyone in the room. Unfortunately they had not decided to check if there were any undercover agents within the building, a fact which Fury was not pleased by and assured you was being dealt with ‘accordingly’.

As he talked, a phone began ringing on the table next to him. The first time it rang he gave it an odd look, silenced it and carried on talking to the two of you. The second time it rang he ignored it completely, but the third time he snatched it up mid-sentence and spoke angrily to whoever was on the other end.

“ _What_?” he asked angrily, at the same time as the door burst open and several SHIELD guards came pouring into the room.

“Sir-”

You and Loki felt it first, a split second before the others, reaching for each other simultaneously as a loud explosion rocked the building.

Quite hilariously, Loki’s first thought was _not again_. Rather rapidly after you thought that you realised that there was not much funny about the situation.

“It’s HYDRA sir, we’re almost certain of it, we need to get you-”

Loki was three steps ahead.

“Y/N can get you all out quicker. I’ll go down and see what I can do downstairs.”

“No.” you said, tightening your hold on his arm.

“Yes.” Loki told you; you both stood up. Screams and yells were echoing from the streets below, and then there was another loud bang and a tremor, bigger than the last one had been.

_Get as many people out as you can and make sure the team get here quickly._

“Loki-” you spoke over his thoughts to you, trying to hold on to him as he pulled away from you.

 _Quickly Y/N._ And then he was gone. Your head span, thirty seconds ago you’d been daydreaming about what you were going to have to eat when you got back to the tower.

“-need to contact the Avengers…” Fury was saying.

“No you don’t, they’ll already be on their way.” you said, snapping back into reality. People were most likely dead or seriously injured downstairs where the explosion had come from, Loki was right, you needed to be fast. Ignoring the protests from the SHIELD guards, you grabbed hold of Fury and one of the other guards and teleported them to safety about two blocks away.

“How dare- Y/N! I need to get back-” Fury protested, yanking his arm from your tight grip.

“You need to stay safe above anything else and you know it, SHIELD need you. Keep him away from HQ.” you said sternly, first to Fury and then to the SHIELD guard, and then you teleported back into the building. Chaos was reigning. People were throwing things out of windows for no apparent reason, threating people on the streets below who were gathering around the scene of the explosion. You hoped the team would be here soon, Nat would sort them out in no time.

The next ten minutes passed in a blur of teleporting SHIELD agents to safety; you began to feel quite dizzy after a while, a combination of both yours and Loki’s efforts. He was currently holding the groundwork of the building together.

“You’d think they’d have better security in a place like this, wouldn’t you? I mean it is the headquarters of a secret spy organisation.”

“Tony, maybe now’s not the time.”

“Just trying to lighten the mood, someone’s gotta keep the laughs coming.”

Resisting the overwhelming urge to turn and launch yourself at Tony, you settled for throwing him a big smile to show him that you were okay (ish, considering the circumstances), and continued to search for agents who were unable to get to safety. It was another five minutes before you felt Loki really beginning to struggle.

_Y/N, I appreciate that you are preoccupied, but if this building goes down…_

_I know. I’m coming._

“Kid! Heads up.” Tony’s voice emanated from somewhere to your left, and then an earpiece was flying towards you.

“Thanks!” you yelled as you caught it, and then he was gone again. You hastily shoved the earpiece into place and turned it on, smiling at the familiar chaotic outburst of voices.

“I’m going down to help Loki hold the building up, are you guys…?” you stopped trying to make yourself heard over the chorus of ‘Y/N!? How are you? Are you hurt?’, and a second later you were next to Loki in the bowels of the building, he looked pale and was surrounded by magic.

_Don’t look._

_Why?_

You looked at him and he looked back at you; his expression and pale eyes told you all you needed to know.

_Trust me._

Some agents, or what was left of them, hadn’t been as lucky as the ones you’d managed to teleport away on the upper floors. Your stomach twisted and you concentrated on Loki’s face.

_Whoever did this knew what they were doing, they’ve gone for the two most stable points of the building. I need you to go to the other one._

You were over there in an instant, looking at your shoes and nowhere else, terrified of what you might see if you looked up. Trying not to think about it, you closed your eyes and let your magic wash over you, holding nothing back. It was easy to tap into Loki’s magic, it felt as natural as using your own, and soon enough you were holding the groundwork together with relative ease, something you knew wouldn’t last.

_Thank you._

“Y/N, talk to us!” Nat demanded over the earpiece.

“I’m okay, my leg got busted up pretty badly but I’m all in one piece. For now.” you added as an afterthought.

“And Loki?” Bucky asked. Your heart swelled at the thought of the team being even slightly worried about Loki, who was currently pretending to be indifferent to the fact he had been asked after.

“He’s okay too.”

Five minutes later, you were beginning to feel the pressure of the building which you were holding up. Loki was trying to distract you.

_How long has it been since you held a building up? You’re getting out of practice._

You laughed through gritted teeth.

_Almost a year now. I try not to make a habit of it._

You concentrated on the sound of the team’s voices in your ear, thinking about how glad you were to be home despite your current precarious situation. The minutes dragged by, the team seemingly no closer to getting everyone out of the building.

_Y/N, you can do this._

Loki was right, you could do this, you were doing it, the question was how much longer you were going to be able to keep on doing it.

Every second felt like ten; you found yourself counting them just to distract yourself from the pain.

You were shaking by the time you got to fifty-eight, eyes closed, every ounce of your concentration set on keeping your magic flowing into the foundations of the building. If you were to give up now Loki wouldn’t be able to hold it on his own; his magic may be more powerful than yours but he’d been down here for fifteen minutes even before you’d arrived.

There were still people in the building. You had to hold on. Loki was talking to you but you couldn’t hear him, even in your own mind. All you could hear was your heartbeat. You suddenly had a horrible thought: how were you and Loki going to get out from down here when the building eventually did come down? And it was going to come down, soon. The foundations of the building were now completely useless, being held down only by yours and Loki’s magic. You seemed to spend a lot of time worrying about other people and not a lot of time worrying about yourself at the moment.

The team’s voices were a blur of sound in your mind as you felt your knees beginning to buckle. A horrible crunching noise emanated from above you as you crashed to your knees, feeling pain shoot through your kneecaps and up your legs. Loki was talking to you urgently now, saying your name, but your brain was too preoccupied to take in what he was saying to you.

_Hold it. Hold it. Hold it…_

…

When you came to, you were lying on the ground. You could hear sirens.

You were really cold; a violent shiver ran through you and almost forced you to sit up. Every part of you ached. As you opened your eyes, you wished you hadn’t. SHIELD HQ was gone, and there were people everywhere, most of them covered in dust and injured. Cries and screams pierced the air.

Loki.

Where was he? You turned your head, wincing as pain shot down your spine. That didn’t feel good. Loki was slumped against the wall behind you, eyes closed. He was breathing. You closed your eyes again.

The next time you opened them Thor was there. You could feel yourself going into shock; your body was shutting down.

You let it.


	53. In which Thor goes missing

“Sh- SHUSH. Don’t wake her up, she needs to rest.”

“You don’t need to worry about me waking her up, you’ve just done a magnificent job of it by _shush-ing_ no less.”

_Dimwits._

You were smiling as you opened your eyes. On either side of you were Thor and Tony; Loki was sat on the bed next to you, for you were in the medical ward yet again.

“Hey kid.” Tony scowled, obviously annoyed that Thor had proved him right.

“Hi.” you replied in a whisper, suddenly overcome with emotion. You’d _missed_ everyone. Sitting up in order to hug Thor and Tony only made your tears intensify (you weren’t exactly feeling at the top of your game after the day’s events and moving _hurt_ ), but it felt good to get it off your chest.

“How is everyone? What did we miss?” you asked when you were settled back against the pillows, wiping your face with the edge of the blanket. Tony started telling you about what had happened while you and Loki had been away (not a lot, as it transpired) and you sat and listened, content to just enjoy his company. Then you remembered that you should probably check up on Loki, despite the fact that you could feel and see that he was physically fine.

_Are you okay?_

_Yes love._

_Thank you for saving me from being crushed by a building I failed to hold up. Again._

The smallest hint of a smile.

_It was no trouble._

As Tony talked Thor stood and left the room (not before reassuring you that he’d be back shortly), and about one and a half minutes later the rest of the team arrived in a chaotic mess of noise and, in Bucky’s case, pizza.

The next half hour was a happy one; you were beyond relieved to be back at home. Loki was pleased to be back too, you could tell, although he would never have admitted this fact to anyone in a million years. The noise levels were starting to irritate him though.

“Guys, can you just it down just a notch? My head…”

You were then showered in hushed apologies, and received an appreciative grin from Loki which no one else saw.

“We should probably leave you to get some more rest…”

“No!” you protested vehemently, sitting up to prove that you were fine, which you were in fact not. Everyone tried to make you sit back, but you were determined to get up. There was no way you were going to stay in the medical ward on your own when you were finally back home with everyone.

“Y/N, don’t be thick, you’re hurt.” Clint was saying.

“Maybe so, but it’s nothing life threatening. I can cope.” you responded, reaching for Loki who had got to his feet and was now acting as your support beam, very aware of the fact that you were not to be persuaded back into the bed which you had just vacated.

“Meet you upstairs.” you grinned through the pain, before preparing to teleport to the living room. Loki got there first, and in the blink of an eye you were upstairs.

“Awful idea.” he told you, carefully lowering you on to the sofa.

“It’s never stopped me before.” You retorted, to which Loki responded with only an endearing eye roll. The rest of the team arrived about thirty seconds later and everyone got settled again; conversation returned to normal. Life was back to normal.

If only you’d known that the next two months would be the last months in a very, very long time that you would be able to call normal.

…

The next two months passed without incident (unless you counted Clint setting the toaster on fire and almost burning the whole kitchen down), and you settled easily back into the life which you called normal. Loki still went on missions for SHIELD, but he wasn’t gone for half as long as he used to be, a fact which you were extremely grateful for.

Everything was fine until the morning Thor disappeared.

You didn’t even notice until around mid-afternoon, but only because you’d been training with Nat all morning and it wasn’t unusual for everyone not to be around on any given day. Upon entering the kitchen with Nat, it immediately struck you that something was wrong with Loki.

_What’s wrong?_

_Thor is gone._

_What? What does that mean?_

“You okay Y/N?” Nat was peering at you; your confusion must have shown on your face.

“Loki is saying that Thor is gone.” you replied, while simultaneously listening to Loki’s reply.

_He’s not here, on Midgard I mean. I think he must be on Asgard._

_Did he not say anything before he left?_

_No._

“Gone? What does he mean, gone?” Nat was asking, and now Steve had joined the conversation too. Bruce was listening in from a sofa across the room.

“What’s going on? Thor’s where?”

Loki chose this moment to teleport into the kitchen, making everyone apart from you startle. While Nat and Steve asked him questions you went about making yourself some lunch. You were worried about Thor, but you were also very hungry.

“I’m sure he’ll be back this evening with a perfectly good explanation as to where he was.” Steve said confidently. Loki looked unconvinced. He was worried, and that made you worried. But not worried enough not to eat your lunch.

Contrary to Steve’s belief, Thor did not return that evening. Nor did he return the next evening. Or the next, or the next. Oddly, the longer Thor was missing for, the more relaxed Loki became.

“It means that it’s more likely he’s on Asgard, remember when we went for two days and a week passed on Midgard?”

You on the other hand, like the rest of the team, only became more and more concerned as the days went by.

Exactly eight days after Thor disappeared, you, Loki, Clint and Bucky were sat around the kitchen island discussing some meaningless subject, when Loki stiffened suddenly and sat bolt upright. A second later he vanished. Clint and Bucky both looked blankly at you for an explanation; you looked back just as blankly.

“I think Thor might be ba-” you were rendered unable to finish your sentence as something very large and very solid hit you square in the chest, knocking the breath out of you. Or that’s what it felt like anyway.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Clint and Bucky both looked extremely concerned.

You didn’t reply, couldn’t reply. Grabbing hold of the table for support you concentrated on the stability of it to help you teleport up to the roof after Loki.

_What happened? What happened, are you okay?_

Thor was stood a few metres away from Loki on the rooftop, looking distraught. The pain that he was feeling was clear to see in his face. The pain that Loki was feeling was even clearer, for it was as though the pain he felt was your own. It was your own. He didn’t reply to your question, shock crashing over him and you both.

Something awful had happened.

Thor opened his mouth to say something to you, and then closed it again as his face crumpled, overcome by emotion. You took a step back as one word from his mind entered yours.

_Frigga._

Frigga was dead.

You stood in a loose triangle, Loki staring at Thor, Thor with his eyes closed as if to hide from what was happening and you looking between the two of them. The sheer volume of emotion that Loki was feeling was beginning to scare you; you didn’t know how he was going to react.

“How?” Loki finally spoke, his voice constricted.

“She was… protecting Jane.” Thor said in what was barely more than a whisper.

“The Midgardian girl?” Loki asked incredulously.

“Let me explain… lots has happened since I left-”

“Clearly.”

Anger laced his voice, now dangerously low.

“Let’s go inside…” Thor suggested, but Loki wasn’t having any of it.

“Explain.”

His voice wobbled and almost broke, but he held it together, glaring at Thor. You remained rooted to the spot, completely out of your depth. You’d never suffered a bereavement before and had no idea how to deal with a person going through one, let alone two immortal gods.

Thor started talking, explaining how he’d gone to London to see Jane after Heimdall warned him that he was unable to see her and how she’d somehow managed to absorb something called the ‘Aether’. He had taken Jane to Asgard with him where Odin had said that she would die, and then the Dark Elves had attacked Asgard in an attempt to find Jane, sensing that she contained the Aether. Frigga had died protecting Jane and the Dark Elves had been forced to flee without their prize.

Your head was spinning, but Loki seemed to be taking it in his stride. You were stupid not to instantly realise why Thor’s explanation was seemingly calming him down. He now had someone to blame for Frigga’s death. Someone to seek revenge upon.

“Father has ordered me not to do so, but I cannot let Jane die: I must travel to Svartelfheim to confront Malekith. It’s the only way to save her… and I’ll need your help.” Thor explained desperately.

Loki couldn’t care less about Jane, you knew, but he cared a lot about going after Malekith.

“Of course we’ll come with you.” you said determinedly. Both brothers turned to look at you.

“No. You’re not coming.” Loki told you. You looked at him in disbelief.

“What makes you think that?” you asked incredulously.

“It’s too dangerous.”

“Yes it bloody well is, which is why you’ll need all the help you can get!” you retorted.

“Heimdall, Sif and the Warriors Three have agreed to help.” Thor told you gently.

“I will not sit here doing nothing while you’re all off risking your lives in another realm.” you asserted loudly, half aware that you should not be yelling two people who had just lost their mother.

“You’re not coming.” Loki repeated.

“I can help! I can-”

“If something were to happen to you I would never be able to forgive myself. You’re safe here.” Loki said, in a way which almost made you back down. Almost.

“What about when something awful happens to you? You think I’ll be able to forgive myself for not coming with you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He wasn’t even looking at you.

You looked at Thor for back up, but he was on Loki’s side.

“Fine,” you said, throwing your hands up in despair, “go and get yourselves killed. Say hello to all the others for me won’t you.” And with that you turned and walked back towards the door. You got halfway before remembering that you were able to teleport, something which you swiftly proceeded to do.

Once in your bedroom you sat angrily on your bed and buried your head in your hands. Loki was going to get himself hurt, or killed, you just knew it. After about thirty seconds your anger gave way to what it really was, worry. Soon after that the guilt kicked in. Loki had just been told that his own mother had died and you’d… god, you’d _shouted_ at him.

You teleported back up to the roof. The roof which was now empty. A sob rose in your throat as you pressed a hand to your mouth.

What had you _done_?


	54. In which you die

A night passed, as nights tend to do.

Then a day followed, and another night.

And another. And another. And another.

Twelve times over you counted another day and night where you heard nothing from Loki.

Worry and guilt made you sick. You didn’t eat, hardly slept and barely spoke. Dark circles appeared under your eyes. This, obviously, did not get past any of the team. Especially Tony.

A week into this new regime of no self-care, he sat you down and talked to you.

“Kid, listen to me, I know I’m not one to talk, but you can’t go on like this. I won’t watch you do this to yourself.”

“Then don’t watch.” you said, a flicker of a smile appearing on your face.

Tony sighed and put a hand on your arm.

“He’s gonna be alright kid. They both will.”

You set your jaw and nodded with more conviction than you felt.

_You would know if something was wrong. You would know if something was wrong. You would know…_

The twelfth day dawned slowly. That night hadn’t been a good one; what little sleep you had managed to get had been disrupted by nightmares so horrible that you’d given up trying to go to sleep all together at around two o’ clock in the morning.

It was a surprisingly nice morning for November, a bright sunrise giving way to a crisp, pale blue sky. You started your morning wrapped in a blanket on the roof, watching New York drag itself to a start as the sun came up. Crystals of ice glistened in the weak morning sunlight, gradually melting into tiny puddles as it rose further and further into the sky. It was so very quiet.

You found it hard not to feel at peace, despite the constant worry which had inhabited your entire being for the last twelve days. Closing your eyes, you inhaled the cool morning air and counted yourself lucky to be alive in this exact moment.

All of a sudden, the Quinjet rumbled to life on the other side of the roof, breaking you out of your trance and causing you to look up sharply. For a moment you were confused, and then you realised: there must be a mission.

You swiftly stood and teleported downstairs, where sure enough the team were hurrying around, half asleep and in various states of being geared up.

“Mission?” you asked Steve.

“…yes, but-” he faltered, casting around for Tony, you assumed. His thoughts were loud. He didn’t think you should come on the mission, having been so upset about Loki and Thor leaving. He thought it might make you reckless.

“Steve. I’m okay.” you told him, reaching for his arm and maintaining eye contact. You even managed a small smile. Steve’s eyes searched your face for a few moments, and then he nodded, wordlessly moving past you to the roof.

The smile vanishing from your face, you teleported to your room and got geared up in about thirty seconds, grabbing the silver bracelet Tony had given you for Christmas and jamming it on your wrist as you teleported back up to the roof.

It was another eight and a half minutes before you took off. And another three before something went horribly wrong.

Tony was debriefing you about the mission when all of a sudden the Quinjet tilted dramatically to one side, throwing Tony (who had been stood in the middle of the jet while the rest of you sat) to one side. You all grabbed on to the handles behind your heads and stared at each other in confusion. There was barely time to speak, let alone work out what had happened, before a loud crunching noise emitted from one side of the jet, and then one of the engines died.

“I’m just guessing here, but that didn’t sound all that great.” Clint said, his voice rather higher than usual. Your stomach dropped as the jet began to lose height, fast, your knuckles whitening as you tightened your hold on the handle behind your head.

Tony was making his way to the cockpit and yelling at JARVIS, a large cut dripping blood down the side of his face.

“Sir, it appears that you are under attack. One of the engines-”

The Quinjet groaned loudly in complaint, and then all the lights went out. Your hair rose about your head and your stomach seemed to rise to your throat as you made a fast descent towards the ground.

“JARVIS?!” Tony yelled, holding on to a handle on the roof of the cockpit with one hand and punching at some buttons with the other. When this did nothing, he turned to look at the rest of you with more wide-eyed disbelief than fear.

You closed your eyes tight and projected a shield around the interior of the jet, putting every ounce of effort you possessed into the magic which was flowing out of you.

And then you prayed.

…

Opening your eyes it came to your attention that you were under attack.

You were lying among the crumpled remains of the Quinjet, the team sprawled around in varying conditions of health, some standing, some unconscious. All alive, thanks to you.

There were four men in black who you didn’t recognise, and who you immediately understood to have bad intentions when you saw that two of them were trying to kidnap Nat, another one was pointing a gun at Bruce and another one was crouched over Tony’s unconscious form. You struggled angrily to your feet, swaying slightly as you did so, registering only now that Bucky was shouting and trying to move from beneath a large piece of metal to help.

“I’m on it.” you muttered, before tripping over your own feet. The man with the gun swung around to look at you, and you straightened up to face him. You felt a bit out of sorts.

“Stay where you are.” the man said.

“Yes sir.”

You could have used your magic, but the feel of your fist connecting with his nose and the satisfying crunching noise it made was so much more rewarding. The man let go of the gun and bellowed in pain, causing the other two men who were currently trying to kidnap Nat to turn and look. They shouldn’t have taken their eyes off of her.

You watched as she disarmed and knocked out the two men with at least two broken ribs and a broken ankle with pride, before realising that you should not have taken your eyes off of your attacker.

The last thing you saw before he smacked you around the head and knocked you out was Bucky’s horrified face.

And the gun which lay on the floor between you.

…

You were awoken again by a bucket of freezing cold water being poured over your head.

Gasping from the shock of the dramatic decrease temperature, your eyes flew open and your brain struggled to take in your surroundings. Two of the four men who had been in the Quinjet with you were stood in front of you, and to your immense surprise it looked as though one of them had been crying. He was _young_ , maybe only a couple of years older than you.

Even more surprising was the fact that you were on a boat. You didn’t feel all that brilliant from being knocked out twice within one hour, and wondered briefly if you might be hallucinating. But no, it seemed as though you really were on a boat. What was more you were tied to a chair, your hands bound behind your back tightly. Your gear was gone, you were in only the leggings and tank top you wore beneath the suit Tony had made you. You felt desperately for your bracelet; thanking Odin when you felt it still on your wrist.

The older of the two men stepped forward and looked at you coldly. His nose was bent out of shape and covered in the same blood which covered your right fist. You were shivering violently; it was a freezing cold day outside already, even without being drenched in cold water in nothing but a tank top and leggings. They’d even taken your shoes.

“You’re Y/N.” the man said, as though this wasn’t perfectly obvious to you that that was the case. You said nothing.

“We were going to take your friend Natasha, but you’ll do perfectly well instead.” he told you.

“What do you want from me?” you asked, trying to sound braver than you felt. Surely the others would find you, your bracelet had a tracker in it.

“Well, nothing. That is rather the point.”

They were going to kill you.

“You killed my father.”

You looked up in shock. The younger of the two men, the one who looked as though he’d been crying, was glaring at you. He was practically shaking with rage, his eyes flashing dangerously.

“I- I can assure you, I didn’t.” you replied, frankly startled by the sheer anger this stranger was directing at you.

“Thomas’ father was at the meeting in London the day you set the bomb off.” the older man explained, watching you intently. You gaped at them both, beginning to feel sick from the chill which was now setting into your bones.

“I- I didn’t set any bomb o-off. We- I d-didn’t even know-” you tried to explain, your teeth chattering as you shook.

“How did you survive then!? How come he died and you lived?!” Thomas shouted, approaching you angrily.

“Please, I d-don’t know-”

“You don’t know.” he repeated scornfully.

“You and your little team of superheroes have pissed a good few people off, HYDRA or not. It’s always “they saved this person” and “they stopped this from happening” and never “here’s all of the people that have died because of their stupidity.” So we decided to take matters into our own hands, it wasn’t hard to get HYDRA in on the plan after your little showdown in London.”

You were barely listening at this point, unable to comprehend just how cold you had become. Would you even be able to summon your magic if you tried?

“Really, all of you deserve to die. But we thought plucking one of you from the middle and killing you would be more poignant. I wonder how Tony Stark will feel when he finds out he couldn’t save you? Possibly quite similar to how Thomas here felt when he found out that his father was dead.”

As he talked he walked closer and closer to you, eventually leaning over you and resting his hand on the back of the chair you were tied to. You were shaking uncontrollably, acutely aware that your vision was staring to fade.

“We’ll soon find out.” the man told you, smiling softly before giving the back of the chair a tiny push. The chair rocked backwards, suspended in space for a fraction of a second before you fell. You’d been unaware that you had been so near the edge of the deck.

When you hit the surface of the Hudson river, it almost felt warm.

That was when you knew that you were going to die.

Your brain grew fuzzy as you sank, shouldn’t you be floating? They’d probably attached weights to the chair to make you sink.

Down.

Down.

Down.

The river wasn’t very deep, but when you hit the riverbed you may as well have been at the bottom of the ocean. You hadn’t even thought to take a breath before you fell. What a stupid way to die, you thought to yourself, lying on your back tied to a chair at the bottom of a river which wasn’t even that deep.

Your lungs began to spasm as you ran out of breath, and you thought of the team. Your heart contracted painfully, was it because you hadn’t been able to say goodbye or because you were drowning? Probably the latter.

Whoever said drowning was peaceful had obviously never drowned before, because this was not peaceful, far from it in fact.

Aware that you only had a few seconds of thought left, you decided that you should be thinking about something far more profound.

You watched the sunlight sparkling on the surface of the water and the rays which were barely reaching down to you at the bottom of the river, and you thought of Loki.

…

Far, far away, in an entirely different realm, a tall man with long black hair collapsed to his knees as he felt his soul ripped out of his chest.


	55. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! Thank you so much to every single person who has read, left kudos, commented on and shared this story in the last nine months, it's been a wild ride and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have:)) So much love <3

It had all been so bright under the water, and then so very dark. Now it was bright again, almost blindingly so.

It suddenly occurred to you that you had no body. For some reason this didn’t alarm you.

People were shouting; they sounded scared, terrified in fact.

A tall blonde man was dragging the body of a girl out of the water. She was deathly white, her eyes staring unseeingly at the sky.

She was dead.

This you knew innately, because the body was yours. Had been yours. Was it still?

_For now._

A woman’s voice interrupted your thoughts, but you ignored it, concentrating on what was happening on the street below you, for you were hovering in mid-air.

On your wrist, a silver bracelet sparkled in the sunlight. The bracelet which contained the tracker which these people had used to locate you.

“Call an ambulance, does anyone have a phone?!” a man with long brown hair and a metal arm and, by the looks of it, a broken leg, was shouting at passers-by, some of whom were backing away, some of whom were trying to help. They were slow, too slow, the ambulance would never make it in time. It was already too late.

_It is not too late._

A woman who was also injured with red hair was clutching at your body and shaking it in what appeared to be disbelief.

Nat. Why didn’t you feel sad? You loved her. You loved all of the people who were currently surrounding your body down on the ground, but you understood that there was some sort of barrier between you and them now.

Clint pulled Nat away from you so that Steve could start performing CPR while Bruce was reciting everything he knew about resuscitation. They all looked pretty worse for wear. Tony seemed to be dismantling his suit. You quickly realised what he was doing: he was trying to make a defibrillator.

“Tony you genius.” you whispered, immediately struck by the fact that you could whisper.

_You have not yet departed from this realm. There is still time._

Finally you recognised the woman’s voice. Turning away from the chaos on the street below you, you turned to see Frigga.

_You’re dead._

Frigga smiled gently.

_I’m afraid so._

_Am I dead too?_

_Yes._

Why were you not panicking?

_There is still time._

“Move, move!” Tony was shouting, and Steve moved back to let Tony attach two discs to your chest, with wires leading off of them to his suit. There was a large crowd of people gathered now.

“Get back.” Bruce said, trying to clear as much space as possible. Tony wasn’t waiting for a ‘clear’.

“Now, JARVIS.”

An electrical current surged through the wires and into your body, jolting it off of the ground momentarily. You felt yourself pulled towards the ground, towards your body by a seemingly invisible force.

_It’s working!_

_Y/N, will you do something for me?_

_What is it?_

“Again.”

Another shock, and you were pulled closer again to your body. One more and you’d be back.

_Tell my sons that I love them._

You watched in anticipation as Tony prepared to shock you again, but Bruce put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“No, no, what are you doing?!” you shouted, feeling yourself beginning to float away again.

“Tony, it’s too dangerous. You’d be running the risk of…”

“I know what I’m doing Banner.”

“Tony, listen-”

“I can’t let her die…”

“She’s gone Tony. She’s gone.”

Tony’s face crumpled and if you’d still had a heart it would have broken.

“No, Tony- Tony I’m here, I’m right here! Please!” you begged, desperately trying to stop yourself from floating away any further: an impossible task. Finally, panic gripped you.

“TONY!”

And with that Tony told JARVIS to shock you again.

You were propelled towards your body at speed with unimaginable force, and for a second everything was dark again.

Then the pain exploded, and you revelled in it.

You choked on the water which was filling your lungs, jerking upright and heaving to expel the liquid that was suffocating you. As you retched there were cries of amazement and relief from around you; hands clutching at you, towels and clothes being thrust towards you.

Dizziness descended upon you. Once you had ousted the contents of your lungs and stomach you lay back down and closed your eyes. It felt like you’d been stabbed through the chest with a bread knife and you were struggling to draw a breath.

You opened your eyes to tell someone that you couldn’t breathe and saw only Tony, amazing, wonderful Tony who had just saved your life and was now sobbing uncontrollably. Reaching out to take his hand, you almost withdrew your arm when you touched him: he was boiling hot. It took your scrambled brain a moment, but you finally got there when you looked at your arm and saw that you were blue, really blue. Tony wasn’t hot, you were cold. Really cold.

Now you thought of Loki. Was he okay?

Finally, sirens.

You were placed on a stretcher and given an oxygen mask and hooked up to a number of different machines. Tony came with you in the ambulance; a star struck paramedic stayed behind with the rest of the team to check them over. They were pretty banged up after the plane crash.

Tony stayed by your side for the next three hours while you were checked over a million and one times by a hundred different doctors and nurses for about forty two different illnesses, none of which you seemed to have.

And then finally, _finally_ , you were allowed to sleep.

You did so for an entire day.

…

Back at the tower two days later, you were barely allowed to breathe for yourself. The team had never been this protective of you before, you weren’t allowed to be left by yourself at any given time because apparently it wasn’t unthinkable that you would suddenly keel over and die again.

_Again._

You had _died_ , and yet here you sat, alive. Breathing. Something had happened to you since you’d been revived on the edge of the Hudson River, something innate which you hadn’t immediately been aware of. You viewed the world differently now, having died. You couldn’t stop repeating it to yourself. You’d been _dead_ , and you’d watched yourself getting brought back to life. For some reason you couldn’t explain even to yourself, you hadn’t told anyone about this.

And then there was Frigga.

_Tell my sons I love them._

Which meant that Thor and Loki were alive. Frigga had told you no such thing, but for some reason you were now completely relaxed about the fact that the two brothers had been gone for over two weeks with no word. You would have felt something if Loki had died.

Which led you to start wondering if Loki thought that you were dead. You tried not to think about it, but it was difficult not to.

It was what you were thinking of right at this moment in time, sat on the sofa under seven blankets which Bruce had forced upon you the minute you’d sat down. He was feeling extra guilty, you knew, because he’d tried to prevent Tony from delivering the shock which had saved your life, even though he had done it with the best intentions in the world. According to the doctors it was a miracle that you hadn’t suffered brain damage of any kind, or any serious internal injuries. You privately suspected that that was more down to you being Asgardian than a miracle.

“-in London, that’s what I said, turn the TV on! JARVIS!” Tony yelled from the corridor, and came jogging into the room just as the TV came on.

“What-” you trailed off as Thor appeared on the TV. He appeared to be in London. Next to a very large spaceship which was currently heading towards what looked like a large, well-kept square garden surrounded by posh looking buildings.

The next few minutes were total carnage. Tony received a very loud phone call from Fury while the rest of the team gathered around the TV to watch glimpses of Thor flying around wielding Mjolnir as filmed by various news channels, none of whom had any idea what was going on. Loki was nowhere to be seen, a fact you weren’t sure whether you were relieved or worried about.

After about ten minutes, the spaceship disappeared into a portal. And so, apparently, did Thor, because you didn’t see him again. And wouldn’t for another four days of torturous waiting.

The Bifrost wasn’t exactly quiet, so the minute Thor returned you all knew immediately. Everyone jumped up and started towards the roof, apart from you. Because Loki wasn’t with him.

“Y/N?” Tony asked. You stood up slowly.

“I think you should all stay here.” you said, your throat dry. And then you teleported to the roof.

Thor looked so tired; you could see him trying to hold it together as you walked towards him, heart beating out of your chest. It took Thor three attempts to speak before he finally managed a weak “he”… and then fell to bits. You put your arms around him and he hugged you to him tightly, crying silently.

It took you a good minute to pluck up the courage to read his mind, even though you were already certain of what you were going to encounter.

Loki had been killed.

…

It was the longest evening of your life. No one knew what to do or say. You didn’t know how to feel.

On the one hand, you were sure that Loki wasn’t dead. On the other, you’d watched him die in Thor’s mind. Your imagination had immediately run riot trying to think of all the possible explanations which could involve Thor seeing what he’d seen but resulted in Loki _not_ dying, all as ridiculous as the next. You couldn’t understand why your brain could not just accept it; you needed to grieve and cry.

It didn’t happen.

Eventually everyone started to get tired, but no one wanted to leave you or Thor, so you pretended to fall asleep. One by one the team quietly left the room, until only you and Thor remained. Thor stayed for so long that you thought you might actually fall asleep, until finally he left about an hour and a half later.

You opened your eyes and looked out of the windows. The moon was rising up above the New York skyline, big and beautiful in the night sky. It wasn’t yet dark enough for the stars to be totally visible.

You thought of Frigga. When you’d told Thor that you’d seen and talked to his mother one last time when you’d almost died he had at first not believed you, until you told him what she had said to you. Then he’d cried. You felt beyond awful for him; he’d lost his mother and his brother in what had probably only been about two days for him.

Melancholy thoughts continued to plague you for the next few hours. You watched the moon rise higher and higher until it disappeared from your sight and you decided to go up on the roof, bringing a blanket with you for warmth.

You’d been expecting the roof to be deserted, obviously.

You’d certainly not been expecting to find yourself face to face with Loki, who, a split second previously, had arrived via the Bifrost.

The blanket fell from around your shoulders as you stared at each other wide eyed. Loki reached out and grabbed your forearms tightly, and then shook you slightly as if checking that you were real, which is exactly what he was trying to do.

You blinked up at him stupidly. Was this some sort of whacko side effect of dying? Life like hallucinations?

Suddenly he crushed you to his chest, one hand on the back of your head and one on your back, inhaling sharply as he did so. This was no hallucination.

“Loki-”

He let out a sob which sounded as though it had been lodged deep in his chest for a while as you whispered his name, causing tears to prick at your own eyes as you allowed your hands to slide up his back.

He was here. He was alive. You both were.

Loki shook as you held each other, his face pressed against the top of your head as you sobbed into his chest, all of the tears you hadn’t cried over the past few weeks suddenly making themselves apparent. It took you a second to realise that you were both saying the same thing to each other, over and over.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…_

It felt so good to have his voice back in your head.

_I shouldn’t have yelled at you before you left… I’m so sorry, I was so worried-_

_Never mind about that, what happened to you? I felt- I thought-_

He was unable to even think it.

_I died._

Loki’s hold on you tightened.

_Someone tried to drown me, well, did drown me. The others found me and resuscitated me._

_I felt it. It felt… it was the most awful thing-_

_I saw Frigga._

Loki drew away from you so that he could look at you properly. You used your sleeve to wipe the tears from his face.

“You what?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“She spoke to me. Said that there was still hope for me, and asked me to tell you that she loves you.”

There was none of the disbelief that Thor had shown, only love, and immense grief. He didn’t reply, just nodded tightly, frowning as he bit his lip.

_It’s okay Loki._

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye-” his voice broke, and you ached with sympathy for him. After a few more minutes of simply standing and holding each other, you realised that there was a very obvious question you hadn’t yet asked him.

 _Why does Thor think you’re dead? Again?_ There was a slightly accusatory tone to that last word.

Loki took a deep breath.

“I need to tell you something.”

_Yes, I think you probably do._

_Odin is in a care home a few blocks away from here. I disguised myself as him to talk to Thor so he doesn’t suspect anything. Asgard thinks I’m dead, and with Odin gone…_

Here he pulled away from you and cast an illusion to make him look like Odin, holding his arms out. You stared at him in utter disbelief, before an astonished laugh bubbled in your throat.

“You can’t be serious.” you grinned.

_Deadly._

Your face fell as he let the illusion drop.

_What is it?_

_Lots of things. Mainly, ruling Asgard involves living on Asgard. But we live here…_

Loki moved back over to you and took your hands in his. You knew what was coming, and the thought thrilled and terrified you in equal measures.

“Come with me.”

A million thoughts and feelings passed between the two of you in a matter of seconds.

“I can’t leave the team, Loki.”

“You’re Asgardian, it’s where you _belong_.”

“I may be Asgardian, but I’m an Avenger too. They’re my family.”

“You’d be safe! No one kidnapping you or drowning you…”

You laughed, you couldn’t help it.

“Let’s go, right now. We don’t need anything.”

You looked at him, right at him. His eyes were bloodshot from crying but he had the beginning of a smile on his face, knowing full well that you had already made up your mind.

_One condition._

_Yes, anything._

_You let Thor and the others know that you’re alive and safe._

Loki’s face dropped.

“No one else needs to know. Just them.”

He gave a resigned sigh.

“Fine.”

You stared at each other for another second.

_Are we really doing this?_

_I, your king, have already done everything. So yes,_ we _are._

_Well then Your Highness…_

_It’s actually Your Majesty-_

_Oh, shut up Loki._

And with that he pulled you towards him again.  
“Ready?”  
You nodded.  
Loki turned his face to the sky to call for the Bifrost to be opened. Within seconds you were being pulled up into the sky in the multicoloured band of light, away from the tower and Midgard and towards your new life on Asgard.


	56. A new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I couldn't resist a part two:) My country is in yet another lockdown because our government is incompetent so I've had a lot of free time on my hands to write a second part to MTB, I hope you enjoy :)

It was you who noticed the Bifrost open first.

A few people at the back of the crowd turned to look at the spinning Observatory, but no one paid it more than a few moments notice before turning back to the play. Initially you did too, before sensing that something was wrong. Your time on Asgard with Loki had gone suspiciously smoothly; you were ready for the near perfect reality you had built yourselves to come crashing down around you at any moment. Loki had noticed your disinterest in the play.

_What is it?_

_I’m not sure yet._

The connection between your minds was still as strong as ever. You heard him in your head as though he’d spoken directly into your ear.

Stood behind the chaise lounge upon which Loki (disguised as Odin) was sat, sipping his wine and watching his play, you shifted in annoyance. He’d seen it numerous times before but never seemed to tire of it, unlike you. You were sick to the back teeth of the stupid thing. Not that you would ever let on.

Now you were stood waiting to discreetly try and peer over your shoulder to see who had arrived through via Bifrost. People started to mutter so you turned back to the play, scowling. Posing as one of Odin’s maids had been the easiest way to allow the relationship you and Loki had to continue while he acted as king, but it also meant that you actually had to work (sometimes), and maintain the façade of a maid.

You had spent the past year living in the castle, by day acting as a maid, visiting your parents (who were overjoyed that you were now living on Asgard) and training to sword fight with Sif and the Warriors Three, and by night sneaking from your chambers and about the castle (sometimes beyond) with Loki. You learnt to function on very little sleep, and to ignore jealous accusations from some of the others that you were ‘Odin’s favourite’. Maids weren’t usually seen learning to swordfight, or let off of their duties so easily. A year had changed you drastically; your Asgardian clothes and armour felt more natural then any clothes you’d ever worn on Midgard, and you were almost as adept with a sword than even your own magic. Armed with both, you were an almost unstoppable force on the battlefield, something you had learnt on your visit back to Midgard when the Avengers had needed your help saving Sokovia. The Avengers becoming fugitives had been an excellent excuse for you to return back to Asgard, to Loki, and luckily Thor hadn’t followed.

It hadn’t been an entirely easy year: yours and Loki’s views when it came to politics (and massive, golden statues) hadn’t exactly been harmonious, and you’d almost been caught more than a few times. But you didn’t want anything to change. The connection between you and he had only grown stronger in the past year, and Asgard was your home; you loved living here more than anything. The guilt you felt for lying to your parents and friends about Loki’s death, and most of all lying to Thor about Loki posing as king, wasn’t _quite_ strong enough for you to give it all up. At least Thor and the team back on Midgard knew Loki was alive; you hadn’t been prepared to lie about that to them.

Suddenly there was a small commotion behind you, and you turned to see Thor muscling his way through the crowd carrying a large horned skull draped in chains, of all things. The jolt of shock which shot through you was so powerful it caused Loki to turn and look at you in alarm.

_What?_

People were staring; and he forced a smile and turned back around as if nothing was wrong. You cast an illusion subtly, changing your face until you no longer looked like yourself and praying none of your friends stood around you would notice.

At that moment the play came to an end, and Loki stood up with his arms spread wide in delight, applauding loudly with the rest of the crowd.

“Father.”

Thor was kneeling before Loki.

“Oh shit.” Loki cursed into his wine, before turning to Thor with open arms.

_Why didn’t you tell me?!_

_I tried!_

“My son, Thor, has returned! Greetings my boy.” Loki proclaimed loudly to hide his shock.

Your heart was in your mouth. Thor wasn’t stupid; he was about to expose the two of you. Maybe it was time. But you didn’t want it to be. It had been the best year of your life.

Thor and Loki were talking about the large skull which Thor had been carrying with him. You deserved to be exposed; you shouldn’t have lied to him about where you were, about Odin. Whenever the Avengers had asked you where you and Loki were staying you had avoided answering them completely, simply alluding to the fact that you weren’t staying in one place. Which was, of course, a lie. And as for your parents and friends on Asgard, you had simply told them that you’d decided you wanted to move to Asgard after Loki’s death. Pretending to grieve had been awful; you’d felt so guilty. Yes, you definitely deserved to be exposed… you would just give anything not to be.

“…the freedom to be massacred.” Thor was saying. It appeared that his chat with Loki was not going all too well.

“Yes, besides, I have been rather busy myself.” Loki replied.

“Watching theatre.”

“Board meetings, and security council meetings…” Loki sounded truly desperate now. You wished you could help him.

“Are you really going to make me do it?” Thor asked.

“Do what?”

Thor held Loki’s gaze as he began to spin Mjolnir round and round his hand and then hurled it off into the distance. Then he grabbed Loki by the back of the neck. You had to stop yourself from stepping forward and saying Thor’s name. The royal attendants behind you were looking on in shock and Odin’s bodyguards stepped forward but did nothing, unsure.

“You know that nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand. Not even your face.” Thor muttered in Loki’s ear.

“You’ve gone quite mad. You’ll be executed for this!” Loki choked, his eyes on Mjolnir which was fast returning through the air. You took tentative a step forward, knowing now that your time was up. Loki’s eyes darted to yours, and resignation dawned across his face as he saw the look in your eyes.

“Then I’ll see you on the other side, brother.” Thor muttered.

Mjolnir was too close...

_Loki!_

“Alright, I yield!” Loki shouted, and he dropped the illusion. You closed your eyes briefly, trying not to hear the gasps which echoed around you. Thor shoved Loki away and caught Mjolnir, not even looking smug. Loki stumbled slightly before turning back to Thor, his hands in the air. You moved to drop your illusion and stand with him, but he shot you a sharp look before you could move.

_No._

Suddenly Skurge stumbled into the circle which the crowd had created, out of breath after what had obviously been a long run.

“Behold! Thor… Odinson…” he panted.

Loki closed his eyes and held up a hand to silence him, his nostrils flaring. Then he turned around to look at Skurge.

“You had one job! Just the one.”

“Where’s Odin?” Thor asked, his voice low with anger.

“You just couldn’t stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you, Asgard was prospering!” Loki said, turning back to Thor angrily, gesturing at the crowd around him, who you could sense were gradually becoming angry.

“You’ve ruined everything. Ask them!”

This was more horrible than you ever could have imagined. Thor advanced on Loki, who swiftly backed up on to the chaise lounge.

“Where’s father? Did you kill him?” Thor asked angrily.

“You had what you wanted; you had the independence you asked for!” Loki continued. Thor pressed Mjolnir hard into Loki’s chest; you dropped your illusion.

“Ow, ow, ow! Alright! I know where he is.” Loki conceded. After a moment’s deliberation, Thor lifted Mjolnir from his chest.

“Take me to him.”

Loki didn’t move for a second, then sighed and got to his feet.

“What about Y/N? What have you done with her?” Thor asked.

Loki opened his mouth in protest, but you didn’t give him a chance to speak.

“He hasn’t done anything with me.”

The look on Thor’s face as he turned to you made your heart stop. You hated yourself.

“Y/N… you knew? You’ve been here this whole time?” Thor asked you incredulously.

You were acutely aware of your fellow maids, your friends, shifting away from you. You prayed that Fandral and the others weren’t in the crowd. They would never forgive you. And your parents…

You nodded, unable to meet Thor’s gaze, feeling smaller than you ever had in your life.

Thor didn’t speak for a moment, and then turned back to Loki.

“Let’s go.”

Loki looked at you, opening his mouth to tell you that you weren’t to come with them, and then seemed to realise that it was pointless.

On your way back down the Bifrost a very loud silence settled over the three of you. And Skurge, who couldn’t stop staring at Loki. When you reached the Observatory, it was to find the head of an exceptionally ugly dragon on the floor, surrounded by blood and guts.

You opened your mouth, and then closed it again. Thor finally spoke.

“What of Heimdall? Where is he?”

“How should I know? He disappeared before his trial after I charged him with negligence of duty – ow!” Loki complained as you smacked him with the blunt edge of your hilted sword. The last time you had travelled to Midgard a bunch of robots had attacked and destroyed a whole city; you weren’t taking any chances: where you went, your sword went.

Thor turned to you incredulously.

“And you? You were just… okay with this?”

“No, I was not.” you retorted, glaring at Loki, who scowled and looked away. You had in fact had a raging argument about what Loki had done to Heimdall, and you for one had been pleased to find out that Heimdall had escaped before his trial.

“Let’s go.” you said assertively, gesturing to Skurge, who obediently opened the Bifrost for you.

“Hey, don’t listen to her -” Thor began, but then you were being beamed down to Midgard. Loki took your arm as you went, fully aware that you still didn’t enjoy travelling by Bifrost. You resisted the urge to tug your arm away. It wasn’t his fault that Thor had exposed the two of you, and technically he had just lost a lot more than you. The throne, for starters. Your guilt was just making you angry. You took his hand instead, and squeezed. He had been a good king… if you didn’t count the politics side of things. Which he hadn’t, at all. Okay so maybe he hadn’t been all that great… but he’d been right, the people had been happy, so surely that counted for something.

You dropped Loki’s hand as your feet hit the floor and looked around. You were stood in front of a demolition site which looked horribly like it had once been a nursing home. Looking around, you quickly realised that the three of you looked awfully conspicuous, and cast an illusion over yourself to make it look like you were wearing Midgardian clothes. Loki cottoned on and created an entirely black suit for himself, which you cast an unconvinced glance at before casting an illusion over Thor too, turning Mjolnir into an umbrella.

“I swear, I left him right here.” Loki said, referring to Odin as he squinted at the building site, as though Odin would be sitting happily in the midst of the construction work.

“Right here on the sidewalk? Or right there, where that building is being demolished? Great planning.” Thor said sarcastically.

“How was I supposed to know? I can’t see into the future. I’m not a witch.” Loki retaliated.

“Oh? Then why do you dress like one?” Thor asked. You disguised your laugh as a cough.

“Hey.” Loki said reproachfully.

Thor stared at you for a second, then Loki, who raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t believe you’ve been pretending to be father all this time.” Thor scowled, almost as if he were annoyed at himself.

“Yes, quite.” Loki replied, and Thor opened his mouth to reply but at that moment two college girls arrived to ask for a picture with Thor. Loki rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Will you start acting like you’re at least a bit sorry?” you muttered to Loki.

“But I’m n-”

“Yes. You are. I know you are.” you told him sternly.

Loki sighed wearily.

“Fine.”

But your attention had been caught by the phone which one of the girls was using to take a picture with Thor and her friend. It was quite a bit more advanced looking than anything you had seen on your last visit to Midgard.

“Thor… what year is it on Midgard?” you asked as the college girls left, giggling excitedly.

“Two thousand and seventeen.” Thor told you.

“Two thousand and- oh.” you said. By your count you’d visited Midgard only four months ago when the Avengers had needed your help with Sokovia, and yet two years had passed on Midgard in the four months you had been back on Asgard.

Loki was watching you in concern. You gasped suddenly as Thor grabbed your arm and pulled you back away from Loki, looking at the floor. You looked down in confusion to see a circle of golden sparks spinning and fizzing around Loki’s feet.

“What’s this? What are you doing?!” Thor exclaimed.

“This… isn’t me.” Loki said in confusion and slight annoyance, which you understood. When had Thor ever seen Loki use magic that looked like this?

All of a sudden, Loki dropped out of sight, vanishing with a yell through the solid concrete.

“Loki!” you yelled, lunging forward, but it was too late. All that remained on the sidewalk was a business card.

Thor poked at the business card tentatively with his umbrella.

“Loki?”

You rolled your eyes, knocking Thor’s umbrella out the way and picking up the business card.

“177A Bleecker Street.” you read aloud, and then looked at Thor.

“You’re the Midgardian, after you.” he said, gesturing forward.

“It’s actually that way.” you pointed the opposite direction to the way Thor had gestured.

“And I’m not Midgardian.”


	57. 177A Bleecker Street

The walk to 177A Bleecker Street was an awkward one.

You so badly wanted to apologise to Thor for lying to him, but couldn’t find the words for an apology quite that big. When you finally did start to speak, Thor held up a hand to silence you before you’d even uttered two words.

“Not now Y/N.”

“But I-”

“Please, save it. I thought you were above such betrayal, that you would change Loki for the better, but it turns out he’s just changed you for the worse.”

He might as well have hit you in the face.

“That’s not true.” you said, and your hurt must have been audible in your voice, because Thor sighed and stopped to look at you.

“Then why did you lie?”

“Loki deserved his chance at happiness. He saw the opportunity and he took it; how could I deny him that?” you pleaded.

“Because it meant treason? And lying to your friends?” Thor suggested.

“Well… yes. Maybe if Odin had been a better father-”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

“That has everything to do with it Thor! Don’t you see?” you asked desperately.

“No, I don’t.” he replied bluntly, walking past you.

“He deserved at least a chance at being king. I wanted him to have it so badly, I thought if we just gave it a go…” you continued, chasing after him down the street.

“And how _did_ it go?”

“Well! To start with. And then… but the people were happy!”

“Other realms were not so happy, they were dying. And that’s partly because of Loki.” Thor snapped.

“Thor I’m sorry, I truly am. But I don’t regret seeing Loki the happiest he’s ever been sitting on that throne, even if he made some bad decisions.” you told him stubbornly.

Thor didn’t seem to have an answer for that one. You caught hold of his arm and made him stop; he met your gaze.

“I am sorry.” you said earnestly. Thor’s gaze softened.

“I know you are.” he said, reaching out to squeeze your forearm.

“I missed you Y/N.”

A year ago you might have cried, but now you held the tears back and smiled broadly.

“I missed you too. And the others, so much.”

After that the air was a lot easier to breathe as you walked.

“What was the deal with the huge skull? And the dragon head in the Observatory?” you asked as you walked.

“I’ve been having awful dreams recently about Asgard falling: Ragnarok. The Fire Giant Surtur is prophesied to bring about Asgard’s doom, so I paid him a visit.”

“And… decapitated him?”

“Essentially, yes.”

“Right, well, good.” you said, unsure how else to validate Thor’s actions. “And the dragon head?”

“The beast tried to follow me through the Bifrost.”

“I see.” you replied. You couldn’t help but worry that Thor had brought the head of the creature prophesied to destroy Asgard _back_ to Asgard, but he seemed unconcerned. You left it, deciding not to push your luck so soon after your reconciliation.

It wasn’t long before you arrived at your destination.

“I’ll stay invisible, just in case.” you told Thor. He nodded, before stepping up to the door which read 177A and knocking once, twice… and then disappearing.

“Uh, Thor?” you asked. No response.

“Oh good.” you muttered to yourself, before teleporting inside. Thor was stood next to a table clutching his umbrella and looking around in badly disguised fear.

“Thor Odinson, God of Thunder.” a voice emanated from the shadows, and then a dark figure drifted from across the room in front of a large circle window towards Thor, who held up his umbrella, ready to fight.

“You can put down the umbrella.” the dark figure said, his thick American accent sounding kind enough. Thor tentatively lowered Mjolnir, and then disappeared again. You swore, teleporting after them into the next room.

“So Earth has wizards now?” Thor asked as he looked suspiciously around the room.

“The preferred term is ‘Master of the Mystic Arts’.” the strange floating man replied.

“Alright wizard, who are you? Why should I care?” Thor asked heatedly.

“My name is Doctor Stephen Strange and I have some questions for you. Take a seat.”

And with that they both disappeared again. Doctor Strange! Tony had mentioned him once before to you; he’d wanted him to train you to use your magic rather than Loki. You teleported after them again, where Thor was sat in a chair refusing tea. Strange gave him a stein filled with beer instead, which didn’t seem to empty as Thor drank from it.

_Yes good idea Thor, drink the unknown magical liquid the stranger who kidnapped your brother has given you. Good job._

“You should know that I am aware of your presence Miss Y/N.” Strange said suddenly, looking right at you. You stood stock still for a moment, and then dropped your illusion.

“Tea?” Strange offered.

“No, thank you.” you said pointedly, sitting next to Thor, who quickly caught on and stopped drinking the beer.

“So, I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world. Your adopted brother, Loki, is one of these beings.” Strange told Thor.

“He’s a worthy inclusion.” Thor said, and you shot him a reproachful look.

“Then why bring him here?” Strange asked.

“We’re looking for my father.” Thor explained.

“So if I were to tell you where Odin was, all parties would promptly return to Asgard?” Strange asked.

“Promptly.” Thor nodded.

“Great, then I’ll help you.” Strange said.

You zoned out while Thor and Strange talked some more, interested only in finding Loki and getting back to Asgard. You didn’t really care if Odin was okay or not, as far as you were concerned he had deserved what had happened to him. Your only concern was what Odin might try and do to Loki upon your return. Suddenly you were all in a different room. You staggered against Thor from the unexpected movement; looking over to Strange who was flipping through a book.

“- just seeing whether this incantation requires any Asgardian modifications.” he was saying. Then: “nope.” All of a sudden you were across the room near a work station. Thor appeared to have brought the bookcase he was holding on to with him as well.

Strange said something else about a book, and then you were back in the room where you’d started. Thor looked like he was about to throw up.

“Look, will you stop doing that?” you asked, gesturing to Thor.

“I just need one strand of his hair.” Strange said, approaching Thor.

“Let me explain something, my hair is _not_ to be meddled wi-” Thor started.

Suddenly Strange was behind Thor, and easily plucked a strand of hair from his head. He extended the strand and infused it with some sort of magic, doing a few gestures that created a bright light similar to the one Loki had disappeared into, and then suddenly you were at the front staircase of the weird building.

You grabbed the banister and closed your eyes; Thor rolled unceremoniously down the stairs next to you. Strange was stood at the bottom of the stairs and had opened a portal leading into what looked like a peaceful meadow.

“We could have just walked.” Thor groaned as he got to his feet; you walked unsteadily down the stairs to join him.

“He’s waiting for you.” Strange told you, gesturing through the portal.

“All right.” Thor said, looking through the portal uncertainly.

“Don’t forget your umbrella.” Strange reminded him.

“Yes.” Thor replied, extending his arm. You winced as loud crashing noises emitted from upstairs.

“Sorry.” Thor said. Finally the umbrella arrived in his hand, some stray pieces of glass falling from it as Thor dusted it off.

“And Loki?” you asked Strange.

“Yeah, right.” he replied, seemingly having forgotten all about him. He made more weird gestures with his hands, and a portal opened up above your heads. As you looked up, Loki fell from the portal and landed hard on the floor in front of you. As you moved towards him, he flicked a strand of hair which had fallen in his face back and looked up, seething.

“I have been falling… for THIRTY MINUTES.” he shouted.

You bit back a laugh and reached down to help him to his feet.

“You can handle him from here.” Strange was saying to Thor.

“Are you okay?” you quickly asked Loki, to try and distract him from the conversation going on behind him. It didn’t work.

“Handle me? Who are you?” Loki growled, shrugging you off.

“Loki-” Thor said, stepping forward as Loki summoned two daggers, glaring at Strange with dangerous intent.

“You think you’re some kind of sorcerer? Don’t think for one minute, you second rate-”

“Buh-bye.” Strange interrupted him, and proceeded to pull the portal over the three of you as Loki lunged for him.

You closed your eyes as the portal engulfed you, and when you opened them again you were on a cliff top in the peaceful meadow, next to the sea. Loki was on the ground again; Thor was smirking at him as he scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off, positioning himself at your side.

You saw him first: the lone figure sitting near the cliff edge, watching the ocean.

“Father.” Thor said, starting towards him. Loki didn’t move from your side.

“Go. I’ll wait here.” you told him, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it gently.

_You’ll be okay._

You watched the two brothers approach their father and presently sit down with him. Trying not to eavesdrop on Loki’s thoughts, you turn your attention to the ocean, watching the sun bounce off of the waves and thinking about the last time you were so near the sea. You and Loki had been hiding in a safe house in England. That would have been five years ago now on Midgard; to you it only felt like little over a year. Having been lost in your thoughts for several minutes, it took you a moment to realise what you were seeing when you eventually looked back over to where the three men were sat. Odin was dissolving into what looked like stardust which drifted out across the ocean. Was this a normal thing for the Allfather to do?

A few seconds later the ocean turned grey as the skies darkened overhead and the wind picked up drastically. Thor was advancing on Loki, who was walking slowly backwards. You quickly teleported over to stand beside Loki.

“This was your doing.” Thor said to Loki, his voice dangerously low, electricity crackling at his hands.

All of a sudden there was a loud crack from behind you. The three of you spun around to see a black portal opening in midair. Thor slammed down his umbrella, breaking your illusion and reappearing in his Asgardian armour armed with Mjolnir; you and Loki followed swiftly followed suit.

_Y/N, hide yourself._

_But-_

_Quickly!_

You did as Loki asked, turning yourself invisible again, just in time for a menacing figure to appear in the portal, making its way out and towards you. Loki shifted slightly so that he was in front of you.

The figure revealed itself to be a fearsome looking woman with long dark hair and a gaunt, white face featuring sharp cheekbones and piercing green eyes. She was wearing a skintight black and green bodysuit which rose all the way up her neck, leaving only her shoulders and hands exposed. The woman looked around for a moment, considering her surroundings, and then spoke.

“So he’s really gone?” she asked. Loki and Thor remained silent.

“That’s a shame. I would’ve liked to have seen that.”

How did she know about Odin?

_Who is she?_

_Our sister._

What _?_

_I’ll explain later. All you need to know now is that she’s the Goddess of Death and probably wants to kill us._

_Right. Thanks._

“You must be Hela. I’m Thor, son of Odin.” Thor said.

“Really? You don’t look like him.” Hela replied.

“Perhaps we can reach an arrangement.” Loki suggested.

“You sound like him.” Hela scorned. Loki shifted nervously. Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir.

“Kneel.” Hela demanded suddenly.

“I _beg_ your pardon?” Loki asked incredulously, leaning forward as if he hadn’t heard what she had said perfectly well.

Hela conjured a large, black blade.

“Kneel, before your Queen.”

“I don’t think so.” Thor asserted, and launched Mjolnir at Hela.

Who caught it. You blinked hard; all your blood seemed to rush to your head and your eyes widened in shock as you witnessed the impossible. This couldn’t be right.

Slack jawed with shock, Thor reached out to try and call Mjolnir back to him, but Hela held on tightly, her hand shaking only slightly, staring Thor down.

“It’s not possible.” Thor muttered in shock.

“Darling, you have no idea what’s possible.” Hela smiled condescendingly. She tightened her grip on Mjolnir, and it shattered. It actually shattered, falling in bits to the ground at her feet. The blast from Mjolnir’s destruction knocked you, Thor and Loki off of your feet.

You were in shock as you sat back up. How had she not seen you yet? If she was powerful enough to destroy Mjolnir… but it seemed Hela had other things on her mind. Next to you, Thor was radiating pure anger. Loki was terrified, panic exuding from his every move. When you looked back up at Hela she was running her hands over her head to create a terrifying, spiky headdress. How dramatic of her. She was definitely an Odinson.

Loki scrambled to his feet again and raised his face to the sky.

“Bring us back!” he shouted.

“No!” Thor yelled.

_Come here._

You grabbed Loki’s arm as Hela charged towards Thor, and then you were swept upwards with the Bifrost.


	58. Fandral and Volstagg

You clung to Loki’s arm as the Bifrost engulfed you and you began your ascent to Asgard. Above you, Thor was glaring down past you and Loki; you followed his gaze to see Hela beneath you and catching up fast.

_Let go. Do not let her see you._

Trying to ignore the terror which was rising in your throat you let go of Loki’s arm and watched as he procured two daggers from thin air and launched them downwards at Hela. She stalled for a moment as she deflected them; you felt the briefest flicker of hope.

It didn’t last for long. You reached out to grab Loki again, but before you could grip his arm properly Hela launched herself upwards towards him with a yell. Before you could so much as blink Loki was knocked sideways out of the Bifrost.

“No!” you screamed, hearing Thor bellow Loki’s name above you. Hela was looking around in confusion for the source of your scream, but then saw Thor above her and seemed to forget about it. She projected a jet-black grappling hook up towards Thor and grabbed hold of him, pulling him towards her. Your heart was hammering in your chest; you had to do something.

Torn between wanting to help and terror at the sight of two gods fighting above you, you had barely summoned your magic before Thor kicked out at Hela with both feet and dislodged himself from her grasp. The momentum of his kick was too much though, and he too crashed through the side of the Bifrost. You barely managed to bite a second scream back, freezing as Hela cast her gaze downwards. She still hadn’t yet seen you.

Suddenly you landed hard on all fours in the Observatory, Hela landing on her feet a few paces ahead of you. You scrambled to your feet silently, blanching in terror when you saw Volstagg holding the Bifrost sword, Fandral behind him. They appeared to be overseeing Skurge who was mopping up dragon guts off of the floor. They both drew their weapons as they saw Hela.

_Fandral, Volstagg, it’s me. You have to run-_

“Who are you? What have you done with Thor?” Volstagg asked boldly. Fandral was frowning over Hela’s shoulder, looking for you. The pure terror you were feeling was a physical weight in your chest, pushing on your heart and lungs painfully.

Quick as lightning, Hela launched a black dagger at Volstagg, which tore through his armour and buried itself in his stomach. Fandral raised his sword, but before he’d even taken two steps forward there was a dagger through his chest too.

“No-” you choked silently on the word, stepping forward. The magic you had summoned died at your hands. You would never be able to beat her.

“I’m Hela.” Hela stated, sounding bored. With a casual flick of her wrists she impaled Fandral and Volstagg with two more daggers; they both dropped to the ground like stones.

Your knees gave out; you had to press a hand to your mouth to stop the sob which rose in your throat.

Hela was walking towards Skurge, who was cowering before her. Your brain was telling you to go and help him, but your body remained frozen on the floor.

“I’m just a janitor.” Skurge said, his voice shaking as he peered up at Hela.

“You look like a smart boy with survival instincts. How would you like a job?” Hela asked Skurge.

You watched as Hela looked out over your home and then started walking down the rainbow bridge towards Asgard, Skurge in tow. After a few seconds you slowly turned your gaze back to Volstagg and Fandral; your eyes burning. Your heart leapt suddenly as you saw Fandral’s hand move ever so slightly; his eyes were still open.

Illusion forgotten, you threw yourself forward across the floor towards him, repeating his name over and over as you placed your hands on his chest; using your magic to numb the pain for him. Ever so gently you moved his head so that it was resting in your lap; his eyes never left your face. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out, just a distorted gargling noise.

You screwed your eyes shut as grief lanced painfully through your chest.

_Don’t try and speak. Think it; I’ll hear you._

_Traitor._

Your eyes flew open in horror. Shame, white hot and burning, washed over you. Fandral’s eyes were angry. He’d heard about Loki’s betrayal. And yours.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” you croaked, barely able to speak.

_No._

“Forgive me Fandral. Please, I’m so sorry.” you begged, tears spilling down your face. Your vision blurred and you wiped your eyes furiously.

You could see again, but Fandral wasn’t looking at you anymore. He wasn’t looking at anything.

“No, no.” you moaned, grabbing Fandral’s shoulders, shaking him desperately. When he didn’t respond you broke down completely, sobbing into his blood-soaked chest.

How long you stayed there for you didn’t know.

Fandral was dead. Volstagg was dead. Thor and Loki were… you didn’t want to think about it, and Hela was about to take over the throne. You’d never felt so helpless in all your life. There was nothing you could do, there was no way you could stop Hela. How could it be that only an hour ago things had been normal?

_Y/N._

You lifted your head quickly and looked around, but no one was there.

“Show yourself.” you said hoarsely, moving Fandral’s head gently to the floor and standing up to draw your sword.

_I’m here._

You recognized that voice…

_Heimdall?_

You span in a full circle, finally spotting him as he walked towards you from the entrance to the Observatory. He looked so different to the last time you’d seen him, golden armour replaced with tattered, old looking clothes. A thick beard and long hair surrounded his face, which looked much older.

A thousand questions rose to your lips at the sight of him, but then you saw that he was looking down at Fandral and Volstagg and the awful sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach grew so strong again that you were unable to speak.

“Did she do this?” Heimdall asked you solemnly. You nodded, sliding your sword back into its scabbard. Heimdall turned his gaze to you.

You swallowed hard before opening your mouth to ask about Loki and Thor, but Heimdall was a step ahead of you.

“The princes are alive.”

You took a deep breath and nodded in relief, going quite light headed for a second.

“I see them, but they are far away, on a planet called Sakaar. You must go to them and bring them back here immediately; Hela cannot be allowed to rule Asgard. Tell Thor that the Einherjar have fallen and Asgard is defenseless.”

You opened your mouth to protest: the Einherjar was still intact, but Heimdall held up a hand before you could speak.

“I must take the Bifrost sword now to hide it from her, so you will have to find an alternate route back here. Can you do that?”

“Yes.” you said determinedly. In truth you had no idea how you were going to do that, but you felt like you needed to prove yourself to Heimdall after what Loki had done to him.

Before you could open your mouth to speak again the cries and yells of hundreds of Asgardian soldiers being slaughtered reached your ears, as if to prove Heimdall’s point. Heimdall hurried to the centre of the Observatory and placed both hands on the Bifrost sword.

You looked back down at Fandral and felt grief rise in your throat again as you knelt to close his eyes. Then you moved to Volstagg on the steps to do the same, before walking to stand before Heimdall, who was watching you with great sadness.

“You must be careful, Sakaar is a dangerous place on the verge of a revolution. The fate of Asgard depends on you Y/N.” Heimdall told you, before activating the Bifrost. No pressure then.

“Heimdall…” you wanted to apologise, but as with Thor you couldn’t seem to form a grand enough sentence.

_I know._

You looked at him, and saw that he understood, and forgave you. With a final nod of good look, Heimdall sent you shooting off into the unknown.

You’d only travelled by Bifrost on your own twice before: once when you’d gone to Midgard to fight with the Avengers and once when you returned to Asgard after said fight. This was a lot more daunting, at least before you’d known there was someone waiting for you on the other side. This time you knew only the name of your destination: Sakaar. You didn’t let yourself think about how you were meant to find Loki and Thor on a whole _planet_ ; you’d worry about that later.

Finally your feet touched solid ground, and the Bifrost disappeared to reveal that Heimdall had dropped you in the middle of a wasteland; there was nothing but trash, piles and piles of rubbish surrounding you for as far as the eye could see. Above you, the sky was filled with wormholes, out of which trash was falling from. It was dark, almost pitch black.

Perhaps oddest of all were the alien ships flying around; they seemed to be scanning the landscape for something. You stood still as one of the ships seemed to notice you and landed a fair distance away, blasting some weird, alien music. Your hand hovered over the hilt of your sword.

Humanoid creatures began to emerge from the ship, all of them masked, all of them armed. You casually drew your sword and they halted their approach.

“Are you a fighter, or are you food?” one of them called.

“Well I’m certainly not food.” you replied after a beat.

“That’s something that food would say.” another of the masked creatures said, levelling its gun-like weapon at your face.

“Look, I don’t want any trouble. Maybe we could-” as you spoke you took a step forward, which turned out to be a mistake. The creatures fired their weapons, which you barely deflected with a wave of magic. They stumbled back, scared.

“I just want to talk.” you reasoned.

“Get her!”

_Have it your way._

Sixty-four seconds later you were picking your way through the unconscious bodies of the creatures on the floor, making your way towards their ship. It wasn’t until you were sat in the pilot’s seat that it occurred to you that you probably should have brought one of them with you to fly the damn thing. You would be fine; you’d been in the Quinjet enough times to know roughly what had to happen.

Eventually it transpired that you had in fact _not_ been in the Quinjet enough times to know even remotely what had to happen to get the ship in the air. Cursing yourself, you returned to the mass of bodies you’d left outside and set about standing on all of their hands. After a while there came a badly disguised gasp of pain and you hauled one of the creatures to its feet.

“Do you know how to fly this thing?” you asked. It didn’t reply.

“Well?” you demanded, giving it a shove. You weren’t in the mood for games, and the numbness which had spread through your body ever since you’d left Fandral and Volstagg dead on the floor was beginning to alarm you slightly.

“Yes.” the creature spoke, and you huffed in relief.

“Good. Take me back to… wherever it is you come from.”

It didn’t take long before you reentered civilization (if you could call it that): ten minutes perhaps. This must be the capital of Sakaar. The city was lit up; the light pollution was such that you could hardly see any stars. At the centre of the city was an enormous stadium which was lit up so brightly that if you were inside you might mistake it for daylight. 

You couldn’t take your eyes from it as you flew lower and lower over the buildings, finally landing in a secluded area which didn’t look exactly savory.

As you stood up the creature in the cockpit flinched away from you, and you suddenly felt remorse rise in your throat. You pushed it down quickly, fighting back the absurd urge to thank the creature for flying you here as you exited the ship. A quick glance around told you that you were sticking out like a sore thumb; a great variety of creatures were staring at you with emotions ranging from fear to dislike to awe. The ship behind you took off again immediately and flew back in the direction you had come from.

You spotted a human looking woman in the crowd and cast an illusion over yourself so that you looked exactly like her. Not waiting to see the fear and confusion on her face you walked swiftly away, pulling the hood of your new cloak up over your head just in case. Your right hand stayed firmly planted on the hilt of your sword.


	59. Sakaar

Soon after you began to walk you found a secluded alleyway which you ducked into inconspicuously. There was no time to dwell upon the events of the day, you needed to concentrate or you might lose your nerve, and you couldn’t afford for that to happen.

“The fate of Asgard depends on you Y/N.”

_Traitor…_

No, don’t think about it. Think about Loki. You needed to find him; he might be in trouble. Screwing your eyes tightly shut you tuned into the connection you and Loki shared and immediately felt the strong tug which would lead you to him. He was near. You opened your eyes again to find another obviously drunken humanoid creature staggering towards you. He was on the floor before he’d even had a chance to open his mouth to make the disgusting thoughts he’d been thinking apparent to you.

Stepping over his body, you followed the tugging sensation in your chest, which eased more and more every step you took closer to Loki. You remembered the days when you’d first found out that you were soulmates and could hardly bear to be apart from each other; the tugging sensation which had been almost unbearable. The roaring of a huge crowd coming from the stadium grew louder as the tugging led you closer to it.

Unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong, you were led into an awfully large and, dare you say it, _grand_ looking building, and up what started to feel like hundreds of flights of stairs after a while. It seemed suspiciously quiet, and there was an even more suspicious tension in the air. Finally you came across someone going in the opposite direction, and went straight into their mind. There was a big event happening in the stadium… a fight, and something about a champion. And the word ‘grandmaster’, was that like the king here? In reading the passing creature’s mind you’d only served to confuse yourself even more. Oh well, what was important now was that you found Loki and Thor and worked out how to escape this awful place.

Presently you began to hear the unmistakable rumble of a large crowd again and quickened your pace rapidly; you had a bad feeling about all of this. As you rounded another corner, almost running now, you collided with an armed guard.

“Hey!” he yelled, grabbing hold of your arm. Your brain went into overdrive. There were two guards. Loki was just behind the door up ahead, you knew it, but still something wasn’t quite right… finally you understood why you’d felt so unnerved all this time.

Loki was fine. He was _happy_. Not worried or angry or full of revenge… relaxed.

Less than an hour ago he’d seen his father die and fought his demon sister, _the_ Goddess of Death, fallen out of the Bifrost and now here he was… drinking?! His happiness bubbled inside you and you almost smiled because of it, then instantly felt ill. How could you even think of smiling when Fandral, Volstagg and probably the whole Einherjar had just been _slaughtered_?

A sudden dull blow to your stomach brought you crashing back down to Earth. Or more literally, Sakaar.

“I said, _wench_ , what are you doing up here by the Grandmasters VIP box? Trying to sneak in?” one of the guards scorned, making the other laugh uproariously.

“Only the Golden Ladies and a few of the Grandmasters choice friends are allowed inside the luxury suite. I don’t suppose you are one?” the other guard mocked you.

What on Asgard was Loki doing in a ‘VIP box’? Half of you wanted to call out to him, but the other half, the half which had not one hour ago seen two of your closest friends die, wanted to surprise and confront him. The second half won.

“What, are you mute you stupid girl? Answer – agh!” one of the guards exclaimed as you dropped your illusion and blasted them both backwards into the wall, knocking them out. They barely had time to raise their weapons.

Leaving them lying on the floor, you paused outside the door to the VIP box. If Loki had really been worried about you he would have noticed your presence the minute you landed on Sakaar, and he would definitely be aware that you were stood less than ten metres away from him. The anger you felt boiled to the surface and you stormed into the room.

The pleasant chatter which had been occurring before you entered stopped rapidly as you clattered into the room, sword drawn and eyes blazing. The fight drained from you as you saw Loki. He was in some weird Sakaarian lounge attire, holding a drink and _lounging_ , talking with a grey-haired man on an obscenely large chaise lounge. They both turned to look at you as you entered; the grey-haired man frowned at you suspiciously. Loki stood up in shock, his drink falling to the ground.

A second later he was in front of you, waving more guards away and taking hold of your forearms, asking you a hundred questions, none of which you heard. You were looking past him to the largest arena you’d ever seen, crammed full of hundreds of thousands of people who were all screaming and cheering loudly.

“Y/N, _talk_ to me. Whose blood is this?!” Loki shook you gently; when you looked back to him there was genuine fear in his eyes. You felt nothing. You looked down at the front of your armour and realised for the first time that you were covered in Fandral’s blood. Still you felt nothing. Loki was trying to read your mind. You closed it, ignoring the hurt, confused look on his face as you did.

“Loki, who is this fearsome looking young lady? Introduce me quickly before I go on.” the man with grey hair demanded, waving you over. One of the guards tried to take your sword but you tugged it back sharply, slamming it back into its scabbard and wrenching yourself from Loki’s grip.

Loki was looking at an utter loss. Eventually he moved over to the man and you followed him, the eyes of everyone in the room still upon you.

“Grandmaster this is Lady Y/N, my… associate. From Asgard.”

Associate.

“Well, I suppose as you are a friend of a friend I’ll have to let you off barging into my little soiree, as long as it doesn’t happen again.” the Grandmaster said pleasantly enough, waggling a finger at you. He had eyes like a snake. Loki nudged you.

“Thank you.” you said hoarsely.

“You’re welcome! Now, get yourself a drink and sit back and enjoy the show!” he said, before leaving the room by a side door.

The second he was gone Loki grabbed you by the shoulders and sat you down.

“Talk to me. Where have you been all this time? It’s been weeks, I thought…”

“Weeks?” you repeated in shock.

“Yes…?” Loki responded, frowning.

“But… you and Thor fell out of the Bifrost only an hour ago -”

Horror dawned on Loki’s face, and at the same time the Grandmaster walked out into the centre of the arena, a sixty-foot-tall projection of him suddenly looming above the stadium. He began talking to the crowd, hyping them up ready for the show.

“I’ve been here for over three weeks… I’ve been so worried…”

You interrupted him with a disbelieving laugh, turning away so that he didn’t see the tears which pricked your eyes.

“Okay, I know how this must look, but I knew you weren’t dead!”

You closed your eyes as he talked at you. A stress headache was beginning to form at your temples. You had to find Thor and get out of here.

“You’re not even listening to me. Look, just open your mind so I can-”

But you stopped listening all together when you heard the Grandmaster’s next words.

“I give to you… Lord of Thunder!”

You shot to your feet, at the glass window which looked over the arena in an instant.

Thor. Thor was walking out into the stadium, dressed for battle. His head had been shaved and he was wearing the flimsiest armour you’d ever seen, although he was covered in weapons. As you watched in horror, he looked up at the screaming crowd and put his helmet on.

You turned to Loki in shock and froze when you saw the definite guilt all over his face.

“You knew about this?” you asked him, your voice barely audible with anger.

“I – yes, but listen…”

That did it. You were done listening to him; if you didn’t do something to satisfy the weight in your chest soon you were going to pass out. Your vision blurred as you turned back to the stadium: you needed to get to Thor before he got himself killed.

Loki tried to stop you as you turned and made for the door but you shoved him roughly away from you. Then the guards stepped in front of the door before you could leave.

“First you didn’t want me in here, and now you don’t want me to leave. Make your minds up.” you scorned, drawing your sword with a satisfying swish of your cape.

“Whoaa, what’s going on? Lady Y/N, stay to watch the show! I insist.”

You closed your eyes. This Grandmaster figure was really getting on your nerves.

_Y/N listen to him. That wasn’t a request, it was an order._

“I’m afraid I also must insist.” you replied, turning around.

Then several things happened at once.

The Grandmaster’s eyes narrowed and he flicked his wrist at the guards behind you, his eyes not leaving your face. Loki shouted your name, and you saw none other than Hulk facing up to Thor in the arena behind. You barely had time to widen your eyes before one of the guards slapped something cold and metallic on to your neck; you gasped as it seemed to latch on to your skin. Then you were being electrocuted. A cry of pain left you as you pitched forward on to the floor, your head making contact with the ground, hard.

Darkness.

…

The minute you opened your eyes you leapt to your feet, your head spinning crazily. You were in a large room with bars making up two of the walls; weapons lined the other two walls. It looked like some sort of pre-fight holding area. Raising a hand to your neck you felt for the metal circle which had electrocuted you. It was stuck fast on to your skin.

You staggered over to where a small crowd of fighters were gathered around a tiny window, presumably watching Thor and Hulk fight.

Bruce was _alive_ , but what was he doing here on Sakaar and how on Asgard had he wound up here? You knew he’d gone missing after Sokovia… did the Avengers know he was here? You highly doubted it.

“Hey, watch where you’re going… lady?” one of the fighters, turned as you knocked into them and seemed taken aback by the fact that you were a woman, as if it weren’t weirder that there was a creature entirely made from rocks stood just next to him.

“Sorry.” you muttered, clutching your pounding head and craning to see the fight to no avail. You could only hear the roar coming from the hundreds of thousands of people in the arena beyond the small window. You stumbled along the wall of the holding cell until you came to a small gap in the wall and peered through to the arena. It wasn’t the VIP box, but it would have to do.

As you pressed your eye to the gap in the wall there was an almighty crash and a roar, and Hulk came into view at your eye level, which was right next to the ground. His face disappeared as he got back to his feet.

“I know you’re in there Banner, I’ll get you out!” Thor shouted, loud enough so that you could just hear him over the roaring of the crowd. He was wielding a warhammer, which he used to disarm Hulk and then break his weapon with. You winced as Thor then bashed Hulk in the chest, knocking him back to the ground.

“What’s the matter with you? You’re embarrassing me, I told them we were friends!” Thor shouted angrily at Hulk. You could hardly believe what you were witnessing; you wanted to help but your head was throbbing painfully and you ached all over. Even you knew that it would be stupid to try and get involved in a fight in your current state, especially one between Thor and Hulk.

Now Thor was on his back, and you could hardly bear to watch as Hulk began to pummel him with crushing blows, over and over again. But something was happening to Thor… he was glowing with what looked like electricity. Your mouth fell open as Thor blasted Hulk backwards with a powerful burst of lightning. The crowd was going wild, you could barely hear your own thoughts over the screams and cheers. Seething with electricity, Thor leapt to his feet and blasted Hulk with a second massive lightning blast, sending him flying backwards across the arena.

The crowd was on Thor’s side now, chanting: “Thunder! Thunder! Thunder!”

The prisoners further down the holding cell joined in with the chanting, until it was all you could hear. In the arena Thor was getting to his feet, looking down at himself in surprise, at the small charges of electricity crackling through his veins. You could feel the power he was exuding from where you were stood. Hulk charged back towards Thor and they engaged in close quarters fighting again, but this time Thor had a clear advantage.

All of a sudden Thor dropped to the ground. You froze, listening to the gasps of the crowd and trying to work out what had happened. Hulk wasted no time, planting his feet and then launching himself into the air, high above the arena.

“Another day, another Doug.” one of the prisoners said despondently, turning away from the window looking out into the arena.

You closed your eyes as Hulk hit the floor, and Thor.


	60. The Quinjet

You had no concept of how long you stayed in the holding cell for.

Vaguely aware that Loki was trying to talk to you through your mind, you concentrated on not listening to him. You’d befriended the giant rock man, his name was Korg and you were currently teaching him how to use a sword (the guards had taken yours when you’d been unconscious, but you’d simply summoned it back to your side). If you sat down for too long you would start thinking about Fandral and Volstagg again, and you weren’t ready for that yet. Korg wasn’t keen on sword fighting, apparently happy to rely on his fists. To be fair, they were made from rock.

Just as you were showing him how to disarm an opponent, Korg suddenly straightened up at the sight of something behind you and launched your sword over your head like a javelin. You span around in shock to see Loki ducking beneath your quivering sword which was wedged in the wall where his head had seconds previously been.

“Good aim.” you praised.

“The ghost is back.” Korg announced, moving to stand in a position which looked as though he was ready for a fight. You didn’t stop him, lifting your chin a fraction of an inch as you watched Loki straighten up and yank your sword from the wall.

“I’m not a _ghost_.” Loki said, punctuating the word ghost with the removal of your sword from the wall. He crossed the cell and held your sword out to you.

“Hey, you know this guy?” Korg asked you.

“Yes, he’s an _associate_ of mine.” you replied, your eyes not leaving Loki’s as you took your sword from him.

“Do you know Thor too?” Korg asked, lowering his gun.

“Yes, this is his brother. Although you’d never guess it.” you said. Loki looked away, clenching his jaw. A second later he had your arm in his grasp and then you were in another room, his room. He had a _room_ here. You ripped your arm from his grip, glaring at him, trying to ignore the pounding in your head.

“What are you doing?”

Loki gaped at you, at a loss for words. Finally he seemed to find them.

“What am I doing?! How about what are you doing? You turn up here after weeks, covered in blood and shutting your mind off, picking fights with the Grandmaster’s guards…”

“Yeah, to find you having a _fucking_ holiday!” you shouted at him.

Loki laughed in disbelief, and your anger increased tenfold.

“A holiday!? I had to work hard to gain the Grandmaster’s favour-”

“How exactly did you gain that favour, may I ask?” you asked vehemently, cocking an eyebrow.

“I- Y/N, don’t be ridiculous. It was nothing like that.” Loki told you indignantly, understanding perfectly what you’d be insinuating even though he couldn’t read your mind.

“Were you not worried about me?” you asked, internally loathing yourself as you heard the hurt in your voice. Loki heard it too, and the injured look in his eyes made you hate yourself even more.

“Of course I was, you know I was. But after- when you…” he took a deep breath.

“When you died, before.” he finally managed. It looked as though it caused him physical pain to say the words aloud. He was of course referring to the time you had drowned and been brought back to life by Tony’s quick thinking.

“I felt it. You know I’ve never felt anything like it before and I hope I never have to again; we’ve talked about it. I knew you were alive.” he stated.

You couldn’t stay angry at him. But you had to; if you weren’t angry you’d let your guard down and then…

“And what was ‘she’s my associate’ all about?” you asked, your wavering resolve clear in your voice. Loki’s expression softened.

“What did you want me to say? Girlfriend?” he half smirked.

You glared.

“Okay, sorry.” he said, moving towards you slowly. You felt like a dam which was about to burst; the headache which had been made even worse by your fall earlier had reached an almost unbearable pain.

“Now will you tell me who’s blood this is? It’s not yours.”

It was less of a question and more of a demand. You closed your eyes as Loki took your hands in his. Opening your mouth to utter their names was a lot harder than you’d anticipated. After several seconds of clenching and unclenching your jaw you finally gave in and opened your mind.

You felt Loki’s shock as clearly as you’d felt your own and the first sob escaped you. Loki didn’t move for a few seconds as he took in everything that had happened to you since he’d fallen from the Bifrost, but then seemed to snap back to reality and pulled you towards him, holding you tightly as you cried. You thought your head might explode from the added pressure of crying on top of your headache.

Loki moved his hands from your back up to your head and tried to ease the pain, but you pulled away from him, shaking your head.

“No, let me feel it, I deserve it…” you sobbed.

“Y/N, don’t be stupid. Come here.”

You were so upset that you could see purple behind your eyes; your magic was glowing at your fingertips without you meaning to summon it. Loki pulled you firmly back towards him and cupped the back of your head in his hands; immediately the pain in your temples was reduced almost to nothing. He couldn’t, however, take away the awful crushing feeling in your chest which was a terrible combination of guilt, fear, anger and several more raging emotions, none of which you could quite put your finger on.

After an undetermined number of minutes the tears stopped, and your breathing started to return to normal.

_Don’t shut yourself off again._

He was afraid you were going to close your mind again.

_I won’t._

There it was again, guilt.

“You have no reason for guilt. I do.” Loki murmured, still holding you tight. You didn’t argue, your silence speaking volumes.

“I’m sorry.” he sighed.

“I love you.” you told him, your voice muffled from your face being pushed against his chest, thanking the universe that he was okay, if nothing else.

_I love you too._

You allowed yourself a few seconds of bliss, not thinking of anything apart from the sound of Loki’s heartbeat loud in your ears.

_Tell me what’s happened since you arrived here._

_Nothing interesting. I had to make friends with the Grandmaster to ensure my safety; Thor arrived earlier today after being picked up by a scrapper and entered into the tournament…_

_Did you know about Bruce?_

_No. If I had…_

Something was off with him.

“Why didn’t you try to leave?” you asked, pulling back to look him in the eye.

Loki faltered under your gaze, knowing full well that you could see right through him. He liked it here. He wanted to stay, with you. Even after what he had just seen in your mind.

“Loki, Asgard is going to be destroyed. Everyone will die, we are their only hope of survival…”

“Asgard doesn’t stand a chance. You saw what Hela was capable of, and if what you say is true and the Einherjar has fallen… what chance do we have? We don’t even have a way off of this planet.” Loki argued. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“You can’t be serious.” you said, stepping backwards. Loki’s arms fell to his side.

“There must be a small part of you that wants to stay here.” he said, almost desperately.

You searched your heart, deep down, and there was not one part of you that wanted to stay on this god forsaken planet; even if Asgard _wasn’t_ in mortal danger you wouldn’t want to stay here. Even if Loki hadn’t been able to read your mind, he would have seen your thoughts clearly reflected in your expression.

“Do you know where Thor is?” you asked him, your expression set in resolve. You felt ten times better after releasing all your pent-up emotions; now you were ready to do something about all that had happened.

“No, Y/N, please don’t. You said you wouldn’t.” Loki said to you. You had promised not to close your mind, nothing more. He heard you think this and sighed in resignation, closing his eyes. Something changed in him.

“I’m scared of losing you again.” he told you straight, his voice slightly constricted. You softened slightly.

“Lokes, you don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’ve trained, I can look after myself.”

The worry in his eyes didn’t alter.

You moved back towards him and took both of his hands in yours.

“I know you know that we can’t just stay here. We _can’t_.” you implored. He looked at you sadly.

“I want a normal life for us. Not living with a group of crazy Midgardians or pretending to rule a kingdom… we can have that here. No one knows us. It could be perfect. There can be no life on Asgard for us now, not after what happened. Everyone knows.”

You hadn’t thought about that. If you didn’t have a place on Asgard, where would you go? The thought made you feel vaguely ill. Loki gripped your hands as he realised you were wavering.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, Asgard is in danger.” you said determinedly.

Loki sighed, fondness and despair fighting for a claim over his expression. Fondness won.

“You must be tired.”

Now that he mentioned it, you were really quite tired.

“We don’t have time, Asgard…”

“Y/N, Thor will be out cold until tomorrow afternoon at least, I went to see him after the fight. We don’t have a way out of here still, and Bruce is… well, you saw him. I assume you won’t want to leave him here; if we leave now we’ll have to smuggle a comatose Thor and a giant green monster out of here with no way to escape or any way to get past the guards without arousing massive amounts of suspicion.” Loki said.

You couldn’t argue with that.

“We need to find a way to get off of this planet.” you stressed.

“Tomorrow.” Loki told you sternly.

_Fine._

_Thank you._

Loki pulled a small metal object from his pocket it pressed a button on it. The metal disk in your neck flashed and then released your skin. You sighed in relief, reaching up to remove it.

“Were you waiting to see if I’d agree to sleep before you took that off of me?” you asked suspiciously.

“Would I?”

“Probably.”

Once showered and in bed you allowed yourself to relax for the first time since Thor had crashed Loki’s play all those hours ago. You were asleep within seconds.

…

The next morning on Sakaar dawned far too quickly. Your first instinct when you opened your eyes was to close them again and go back to sleep. You didn’t want to think about anything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. If you tried hard enough you could almost imagine that you were waking up next to Loki in the grand master bedroom he’d claimed for himself in the palace on Asgard, like you had been this time yesterday morning.

Loki heard this thought and exhaled gently with a wistful smile: a small laugh.

_We can teleport, why not time travel?_

You sat up and stretched.

“Time travel is a tad more complicated.” Loki replied to your thought, trying to pull you back down into bed. You batted his hand away playfully and got up, making your way towards the bathroom.

“Have you ever tried it?”

Had you known the date of the next time you would get to share a bed with Loki, you wouldn’t have thought twice about lying back down with him.

Half an hour later you were sat by the window together brainstorming ways to help Thor escape his cell, and how you might get Hulk to cooperate. So far you’d had no ideas.

Loki opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment the doors to the room swung open and two guards walked in. You stood up and made to grab your sword, but Loki stopped you.

“It’s okay.”

“The Grandmaster requests your presence, immediately.” one of the guards said.

“As he wishes.” Loki replied, and turned back to you.

“Immediately.” the other guard repeated.

Loki clenched his jaw and looked at you piercingly.

_Promise me you won’t do anything stupid._

He stood up and began walking towards the guards.

 _I promise I won’t do anything_ unnecessarily _stupid._

The despair Loki felt towards you almost made you laugh. You couldn’t make him a promise that you weren’t going to keep. Finding Thor was the first step to getting out of this awful place, and you’d wasted enough time already.

_I’ll find you._

You waited until Loki and the guards were gone and then looked both ways down the corridor before setting off. In a complete stroke of luck you glanced out of the window to your left, and your breath caught in your throat as you caught sight of something which definitely wasn’t junk in what looked like a junkyard.

The Quinjet.

 _That_ was how Bruce had got here, and it could be your potential escape route! _Surely_ this was a sign that you were meant to escape and save Asgard. It was a long way down, but you were in far too much of a hurry to take the stairs. Closing your eyes in concentration, you took a deep breath and then teleported down to the Quinjet. You staggered slightly as you appeared on the ground, reaching out to the side of the Quinjet for support. Teleportation was difficult, and despite your practice over the last year you still weren’t entirely comfortable with teleporting thirty floors down.

Suddenly you froze. You couldn’t hear anything from inside the Quinjet, but you could sense someone’s presence on the other side of the wall you were leaning against.

“Hello?” you called.

There was a thud as Thor dropped whatever weapon he had been holding to the floor and he appeared around the side of the jet. Unable to believe your luck, you stared at each other for a moment and then you were enveloped in a tight bear hug. You almost didn’t recognize him with short hair.

“You’re alive! I was so worried-”

Thor was interrupted by a huge roar, and suddenly he was dragging you inside the Quinjet.

“What’s going on?” you asked, craning to look over your shoulder.

“Banner, he-”

_CRASH._

You and Thor jumped as Hulk entered the Quinjet, peeling back the metal which was in his way with ease.

“Friend stay!” he bellowed, smashing the roof of the Quinjet out of the way of his head.

“No, no, no!” Thor shouted, turning desperately to the Quinjet’s console.

Hulk continued to smash up the interior of the jet, shouting “Stay!” over and over as he did so.

“Stop! Stop breaking everything!” Thor yelled.

“Don’t go!”

You might as well have been invisible for all the attention Hulk was paying you.

“Bruce, stop!” you shouted, stepping into his line of vision.

“No Bruce! Only Hulk-” Hulk yelled, faltering when he saw you.

“Bruce, it’s me!” you said desperately, stepping towards him.

Suddenly Thor triggered a message on the flight console, and Nat’s voice filled the cockpit. You were hit with a pang of homesickness for Midgard, and the tower.

“Nice work big guy. We don’t know where Ultron’s headed, but we know you’re going very high, very fast.”

Hulk had now stopped short; his whole demeanor had changed. You stepped out of the way towards Thor so that Hulk could see the recorded message of Nat.

“I need you to turn this bird around, okay? We can’t track you in stealth mode…”

Hulk had walked towards the console screen and was now right up against it.

“So I need you to help me out. Okay? I need you to…”

“NO! No Banner!” Hulk roared, his body convulsing as he dropped to his knees. You stepped forward to try and help but Thor held you back. Hulk roared again and grabbed at his face, shaking his head, trying to fight it back. He was transforming back into Bruce.

After several more seconds of roaring and thrashing about; thus destroying the Quinjet further (Thor groaned in annoyance) … there was calm.

Bruce was back.


	61. Tony and the gypsy

You and Thor hastened to Bruce’s side.

“Banner. Hey, hey, hey. You all right Banner? Sun’s going down, sun’s going down. That’s it, breathe. I won’t hurt you. Sun’s going down.” Thor soothed him, rubbing his arm vigorously.

“Thor? Y/N?” Bruce asked in confusion. He was wearing only what had previously been Hulk’s skirt and massive necklaces.

“Yeah.” you smiled, reaching out to touch his arm. He looked awful: groggy and disorientated.

“What happened to your hair?” he asked Thor. It wasn’t the first question you might have thought to ask if you had been in his situation, but you’d let him off given the circumstances.

“Some creepy old man cut it off.”

“It looks good.”

“Thanks.”

You let out a laugh of disbelief and Bruce turned to look at you, frowning in confusion.

“Where are we? How’s Nat?”

“Nat is good, I’m sure.” Thor reassured him.

“And what about Sokovia?”

Your heart ached with sympathy for him; he really didn’t remember anything.

“Sokovia?” Thor frowned, a second behind you.

“The city, Sokovia. Did we save it?”

“Banner, listen…” Thor started.

“What?” Bruce said, almost desperately.

“Sokovia, Ultron… that was two years ago.”

“What are you saying? I’ve been Hulk for two years?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Bruce’s eyes widened as he tried to process this information. You felt awful for him, knowing only a fraction of what he felt, but a fraction nonetheless. For you Sokovia had only been four months ago.

“What the hell happened?!” he asked, getting to his feet and rushing over to the flight console. You and Thor shared a look before following him.

“Banner, there’s something you should know...”

“Voice activation required.” a voice emitted from the console.

“Banner.” Bruce said.

“Welcome, Strongest Avenger.” the voice said.

“What?” Thor frowned in annoyance.

“Ship’s log…” Banner said, and the ship’s log appeared on the screen. You watched as a video of Hulk thrashing around in zero gravity in deep space played. He looked stressed and practically car sick, much like Banner did as he watched the footage.

“Guys. Where are we?” Bruce asked, his voice suddenly sounding very small.

“Yeah, about that.” Thor said. Then…

“It’s bad news, bad news today.”

You looked around in shock as the Grandmaster’s voice echoed through the air. Bruce rushed to the windshield and you followed, looking up to see a massive hologram projection of the Grandmaster hovering above the city.

“Sakaar, hear ye. Attention please. I have some bad news. My beloved, exalted Champion has turned up missing. Take to the streets. Celebrate my champion.” his voice rolled across the city. Perhaps that was why he’d called upon Loki. To find Bruce. You hoped he’d make the connection between his missing brother and the lack of Bruce’s presence.

“Who’s that?” Bruce asked.

“He kind of runs the place. You actually lived in his house.” Thor told him. You kicked Thor in the shins and glared at him.

“Not helping.” you mouthed.

“I did…?” Bruce was saying.

“Yeah, quite a lot’s happened. You and I had a fight recently.”

You rolled your eyes as Thor went ahead and blatantly ignored your warning.

“Did I win?” Banner asked.

“No, I won. Easily.” Thor asserted.

“That doesn’t sound right.” Bruce muttered.

“Well, it’s true.” Thor told him matter of factly.

“It seems that the criminally seductive Lord of Thunder has stolen him away.” the Grandmaster continued, decreasing your chances of going unnoticed by almost one hundred percent.

“Seductive _God_ of Thunder. We need to move.” Thor said, while you looked around the jet.

“Oh, no. This is bad. This is really, really bad. I think I’m freaking out.” Bruce was saying.

“No, no, don’t freak out.” Thor told him. You had trouble holding back an eye roll. Then you spotted some of Tony’s clothes in a bag on a shelf that had been bashed up by Hulk.

“Here, put these on.” you told Bruce, grabbing Tony’s clothes and tossing them to him.

“These are Tony’s clothes.” he said, regarding them with slight disdain.

“I know.” you replied.

“Come on!” Thor was saying.

“Is he here? Is Loki here?” Bruce asked you.

“No, he’s not here. Loki is, somewhere.” you told him, turning your back as he changed into Tony’s clothes.

“Oh. Are you two still…?” he asked, voice muffled as he pulled Tony’s shirt over his head.

“We are still, yes.” you replied, unable to help the smile which worked its way on to your face.

“Will you hurry up! We’ll have time for a lovely catch up later, after we get out of here.” Thor told you both.

“Okay, okay! I’m ready.” Bruce said, and you exited the jet. You put your hand on the side of the bashed up Quinjet, not wishing to leave it behind. It held so many memories.

“Y/N! Let’s go.” Thor said. You reluctantly followed him and Bruce out of the junkyard where the Quinjet had landed and down some cobbled streets, keeping to the shadows.

“Hey, I forgot to tell you. Loki is okay, he’s here too.” Thor said to you as you stealthily made your way down the streets.

“I know, I’ve seen him.” you replied.

“Of course you have.” Thor retorted, giving you a fond look.

“Have you seen him?”

“Yeah, we spoke briefly when I got here. He seems to have been having a lovely time.”

“Tell me about it.” you muttered, and Thor gave you a look.

“He wants us to stay here.” you told him. Thor didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“Of course he does.” he replied derisively, and then he seemed to have a thought.

“You don’t want to stay here… do you?”

“Of course not! Don’t be absurd, Asgard needs us.”

Thor visibly relaxed.

“How on Asgard did you end up with my brother.” he said, shaking his head.

“It was meant to be.” you smiled.

“It would appear so.” Thor replied, smiling too when he caught sight of your face.

“I talked to Heimdall too.” he continued.

“What?! What did he say?”

“He showed me… she’s tearing Asgard apart. Heimdall is helping refugees to a stronghold built by our ancestors, but he wants to evacuate everyone. He can’t let Hela leave, but she’s destroying Asgard… he told me to find you and to go through one of the doorways to get back, ‘the big one’.” he finished, looking up at the sky which was littered with wormholes. The biggest one looked absolutely terrifying.

“He wants us to go through that thing?”

“If it’ll get us home…” Thor said. You nodded slowly, staring at the wormhole.

It wasn’t long until Bruce started to freak out again. His thoughts were so loud and panicky it was beginning to give you another headache.

“I need to sit down.” Bruce suddenly groaned, and staggered over to a step on the side of the street. Thor sighed and you threw him a look before sitting on either side of him. You rubbed Bruce’s back as he groaned, head in hands, while Thor kept a look out for threats.

“The sun’s going down. It’s getting really low, the sun’s going down, it’s getting real low…” Thor was muttering.

“Would you stop saying that?!” Bruce burst out, making you jump.

“I just need you to stay calm.” Thor told him.

“Calm?! I’m on an alien planet!” Bruce retorted. He had a good point.

“It’s just a planet. You’ve been on a planet before.” Thor countered.

“Yeah! One!” Bruce shot back.

“Now you’ve been on two. That’s a good thing. It’s a new experience.” Thor told him. You rolled your eyes at his logic.

“My neurons, they’re firing faster than my brain can handle the information.” Bruce complained, looking vaguely sick.

“Hey, just breathe.” you said, your hand still on his back.

“The whole thing is totally different this time.” Bruce said, apparently having not heard you.

“In the past, I always felt like Hulk and I each had a hand on the wheel, but this time it’s like he had the key and I was locked in the trunk.”

“Alright, well, you’re back now, that’s all that matters.” Thor said distractedly, still looking down the street. You had to roll your eyes this time.

“No, it’s not what matters. What I’m trying to tell you is that if I turn into the Hulk again Banner may never come back. And we’re stranded on a planet that is designed to stress me out.”

“We’re not stranded, I’m gonna figure out a way to get us home.” Thor said determinedly.

“Thank you.” Banner sighed in relief.

“Not your home though. Asgard.” he continued.

“What?”

“Listen, my people are in great danger. You and I, and Y/N, we have to fight this really powerful being who also happens to be my sister.” Thor explained. Bruce looked at you in utter shock and then back at Thor.

“Okay, that is so wrong on so many… I don’t wanna fight your sister. That’s a family issue. Y/N, tell him that’s a family issue.”

“No, she’s an evil being.” Thor corrected him before you could open your mouth.

“I don’t care what she is. I’m not fighting any more ‘beings’. I’m sick of it, I just told you, if I turn into the Hulk, I am never gonna come back again. And you don’t care.” Bruce complained.

“That’s not true!” you protested, although Thor seemed to be thinking exactly along those lines.

“No, no. I’m putting together the team. The Hulk is the fire.” he said. You shook your head.

“Wait, you’re just using me to get to the Hulk.” Bruce accused Thor.

“What? No!” Thor backtracked swiftly.

“It’s gross. You don’t care about me. You’re not my friends.” Bruce told you, shrugging your hand off of his back.

“No! I don’t even like the Hulk. He’s all like, ‘smash, smash, smash.’ I prefer you.” Thor said confidently.

“Thanks.” Bruce replied flatly.

“But if I’m being honest, when it comes to fighting evil beings, he is very powerful and useful.”

“Thor!” you burst out in annoyance. He shrugged as if to say, ‘it’s true’.

“Banner’s powerful and useful too!” Bruce told you.

“Is he though?” Thor replied, pulling a face. Now it was your turn to put your head in your hands.

“How many PhDs does Hulk have. Zero. How many PhDs does Banner have? _Seven_.” Bruce said angrily, as though Thor would have any idea what that meant.

“Fine, you won’t have to fight anyone. But we’re in danger here, so we have to move.” Thor said, casting about for inspiration and grabbing a towel off of the floor from next to him, which he then proceeded to put over his head.

“What are you doing?” you asked while Bruce looked on in confusion.

“I need a disguise. I’m a fugitive.” Thor replied, as though it was the most obvious reason in the world.

“That’s hardly a disguise…” you started.

“I need a disguise.” Bruce said suddenly.

“You are the disguise.” Thor retorted.

Bruce dug around in the pockets of Tony’s jacket and unearthed a pair of sunglasses. You were hit with another sudden pang of homesickness. You missed Tony so much.

“I’ll be Tony Stark.” Bruce said.

“What?” Thor asked.

“Yeah. Tony and the gypsy. And…” Bruce trailed off, turning to you. You turned yourself invisible and then reappeared.

“Right, just Tony and the gypsy.”

“No, no you’re not Tony. You’re Bruce Banner.” Thor told him, looking for all the world like a madman with red warpaint on his face and a towel on his head.

“Then why did you dress me up like Tony?”

“Because you were naked.”

“I’ll give you that.”

Thor stood up and you and Bruce followed suit. Bruce stood awkwardly on one leg and appeared to be adjusting his crotch.

“What are you doing? Stop doing that?” Thor said in disgust, hitting Bruce’s hand away.

“Tony wears his pants super tight!”

“Why are you being so weird?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I was trapped for two years inside a monster made me a little weird!” Bruce half shouted, flashing green for a second.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re good, calm down. Come on, listen, we’re gonna go to Asgard and you’re not gonna have to think about the Hulk ever again. Alright?” Thor lied, soothing him.

“Alright.” Bruce said grudgingly.

Not half a second after the word had left his mouth, Bruce was hit in the face with a splatter of green paint. You and Thor both grimaced, and then suddenly the three of you were swept into a massive street festival. Sakaarians in fancy dress were dancing and cheering while throwing green paint powdered paint everywhere. It was total chaos; you lost Thor and Bruce within seconds and quickly spotted a pack of scrappers searching for Bruce, after the reward.

Thankfully, seconds later you saw a glimpse of Thor’s stupid towel disguise; you muscled your way through the noisy crowd towards him, but then spotted a terrified looking Bruce and changed course to make your way towards him instead.

You finally reached him and grabbed on to his arm, wondering briefly if he was about to pass out. Turning to look for Thor you were greeted with the sight of a massive scrapper looming over you and Banner, grinning horribly. Thor stumbled in front of you clutching his towel, and then suddenly the scrapper was on the floor.

Behind the scrapper stood a young woman with some cool looking armour and white war paint on her face. She stared back at you and Bruce who were gawping at her.

“Hi.” Thor said. You turned to look at him. Did he know this woman?

“Hi.” she replied.

“I was gonna do that.” Thor told her, gesturing towards the scrapper on the floor.

“Yeah, well, I did it first.” she retorted.

“That’s good. What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here? I thought you were leaving.”

“I got sidetracked.”

“What’s with the…” the woman asked, gesturing towards the towel on Thor’s head.

“It’s my disguise.” Thor told her.

“But I can see your face.”

“Not when I do this you can’t.” Thor countered, pulling the towel across his face.

“Not to interrupt, but we might want to get out of here.” you suggested, looking over towards the remaining scrappers.

“Come on then.” the woman said, before turning and leading you down an alleyway away from the street party.


	62. The Revengers

You dragged Bruce after Thor and the woman; he seemed a little star struck.

“What are those things on her eyes? Are those the people she’s killed? She’s so beautiful and strong…” he mumbled as you walked down the street. You were beginning to really worry about him.

“Sorry, but who are you?” you asked the woman.

“Call me Valkyrie.” she responded, “Who are these two?” she then asked Thor. That didn’t sit right with you. You were right there; she could have asked you herself.

“These are my friends.” Thor told her.

“Who? Me? I’m Bruce?” Bruce said.

“I’m Y/N.” you said pointedly as Valkyrie led you into a Sakaarian apartment building.

“I feel like I know you.” she said to Bruce, ignoring you completely.

“I feel like I know you too.” Bruce replied.

“Nice to meet you too.” you said loudly, and Valkyrie met your annoyed gaze with a look of… was it respect or just appraisal?

As you continued down the hallway, Valkyrie talked.

“Look, I’ve spent years in a haze trying to forget my past. Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink and forget and to die one day.”

“I was thinking that you drink too much, and that it was probably going to kill you.” Thor agreed.

“I don’t plan to stop drinking, but I don’t want to forget. I can’t turn away anymore. So, if I’m going to die… well, it may as well be driving my sword through the heart of that murderous hag.”

“Good.” Thor said happily.

You arrived at a door, and Valkyrie stopped and turned to face you, Thor and Bruce.

“Yeah, so I’m saying that I wanna be on the team. Has it got a name?”

“Yeah, it’s called the Revengers.”

“The Revengers?” you and Valkyrie both echoed.

“Because I’m getting revenge, you’re both getting revenge…” Thor said, nodding towards you and Valkyrie.

“Why do you want revenge?” Valkyrie asked you.

“She killed my friends.” you said, your voice catching in your throat. This time there was sympathy in Valkyrie’s gaze.

“I’m sorry.” she said.

“What friends?” Thor asked, his voice sounding smaller than usual.

 _Shit_. Your face dropped as you realised what you’d done. How could you have been so _stupid_? Thor didn’t need this now. You struggled to find the right words.

“Thor-”

“Y/N. Who did she kill?” he asked again.

“Fandral. And Volstagg.” you could hardly bear to look at him as you said it. A whole range of emotions flashed behind Thor’s eyes as he took a deep shuddering breath. You stepped forward and gripped his arm tightly.

“You saw it?” he asked, as though you might have got it wrong. You nodded sadly.

“What of Hogun and Lady Sif?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see them; we can only hope they’re with Heimdall.”

He nodded tightly, and then turned to Bruce.

“Do you want revenge?”

“I’m undecided.”

“Okay.” Thor said. He’d gone very pale.

“I’ve got a peace offering.” Valkyrie said, before opening the door.

You didn’t immediately see what said surprise was, being situated at the back of the group.

“Surpriiise.”

The arrogantly bored voice reached your ears as Thor stopped dead in the doorway with Bruce peering out from behind him. What was Loki doing in Valkyrie’s apartment? The answer became clear as you looked around Thor’s right bicep to see Loki tied up with numerous chains sat on an upturned crate. The rest of the apartment was a mess; there were empty bottles and blood-spattered clothes everywhere, and perhaps most disturbingly: a knife in the wall.

You stepped back as Thor cast around, picked an empty can and then threw it at Loki’s head. Loki looked down and allowed the can to bounce of the top of his head, before looking back up at Thor.

“Ow.” he said, his voice emotionless.

“Just had to be sure.” Thor said.

“Hello Bruce.” Loki said pleasantly as Thor moved into the apartment after Valkyrie.

“Hello Loki.” Bruce replied awkwardly.

 _What are you doing here_.

You looked at Loki incredulously.

_I could ask you the same question._

_You could._ _Who is she?_

_She’s going to get us out of here._

Loki grimaced.

_I don’t like her._

You saw what had happened in his thoughts and smiled again.

 _Beaten by a_ girl _?_

_I let her win. Besides, I never said a girl couldn’t best me. You would._

_I did._

_You did._

“What’s happening?” Valkyrie said, bringing you back into the room. She was holding a long object shrouded in a cloth, watching you and Loki looking at each other; a look of confusion on her face.

“They’re talking to each other. In their minds. They do that a lot.” Thor told her.

“…right.” Valkyrie said, clearly trying to work out what the situation was between the two of you. Then she turned and put the object down, unwrapping it to reveal an old Asgardian sword. Thor’s eyes widened.

“Is that… a Dragonfang?”

“It is.” Valkyrie said shortly. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

“That’s the famed sword of the Valkyrie.” Thor said in awe, picking it up to admire it.

Valkyrie decided to change the subject.

“Sakaar and Asgard are about as far apart as any two known systems. Our best bet is a wormhole just outside the city limits.” she said, moving to the window next to Loki and pointing to a relatively nice, clean looking wormhole outside the city.

“We’ll refuel on Xandar and be back in Asgard in around eighteen months.”

You opened your mouth to complain: eighteen months?! But Thor spoke first.

“Nope. We’re going through that one.” he said, joining you and Valkyrie at the window to point out the horrific looking wormhole he’d shown you earlier.

“The Devil’s Anus?” Valkyrie asked. You turned to her with raised eyebrows.

“Pardon me?”

“Wait, who’s anus are we going through?” Bruce asked worriedly.

“For the record, I didn’t know it was called that when I picked it.” Thor chimed in.

“That looks like a collapsing neutron star inside of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge.” Bruce said in horror, squinting out of the window at the wormhole.

“We need another ship. That would tear mine to pieces.” Valkyrie said.

“She’s right. We need one that can withstand the geodetic strain from the singularity.” Thor agreed. You and Bruce stared at him.

“And has an offline power steering system that can function without the on-board computer.” Bruce continued, still looking baffled at Thor’s declaration of physics knowledge.

“And we need one with cup holders, because we’re gonna die. So, drinks!” Valkyrie added cheerfully, strolling back towards the back of her apartment.

“Do I know you? I feel like I know you.” Bruce said yet again.

“I feel like I know you too, it’s weird.” Valkyrie confirmed, pointing at him.

“What do you say doctor? Uncharted metagalactic travel through a volatile cosmic gateway. Talk about an adventure.” Thor said to Bruce, fist bumping him, except Bruce met his closed fist with a high five. You turned to Loki with an incredulous look; he looked equally as confused.

“We need a ship.” Bruce said.

“There are one or two ships, top of the line models…”

“I don’t mean to impose, but the Grandmaster has a great many ships. I may have even stolen the access codes to his security systems.” Loki spoke up unexpectedly, cutting Valkyrie off.

Valkyrie decided that that was the correct moment to lob an empty bottle at Loki’s head; you intercepted it half way across the room with your magic and sent it smashing into the wall opposite, glaring at her. You would allow Thor throw bottles at his brother, but no one else.

Valkyrie glared back at you for a moment, and then turned back on Loki.

“And suddenly you’re overcome with an urge to do the right thing.” she scorned.

“Heavens, no. I’ve run out of favour with the Grandmaster. In exchange for codes and access to a ship I’m asking for safe passage… through the anus.” Loki said. You frowned at him.

“Um, you’re coming with us regardless of ‘exchanging of codes and access to a ship’.” you told him, before realising you should probably be addressing the other half of the room.

_They don’t trust me. I need to earn it._

“You’re telling us you can get us access into the garage without setting off any alarms?” Thor asked suspiciously. You clenched your jaw, but could find no real reason why Thor should in fact trust his brother.

“Yes, brother, I can.” Loki said.

“Hang on, he was ready to kill me just a minute ago.” Valkyrie piped up.

“He wasn’t trying to _kill_ you.” you argued, turning to Loki for confirmation. He just stared at Valkyrie.

“He’s tried to kill me before too.” Bruce added; you spun back around to glare at him in annoyance, only to find Thor launching into a monologue about how Loki had once disguised himself as a snake and stabbed him. Loki was smiling.

“You’re not _helping_.” you hissed to Loki.

“I don’t even want to leave; I’m doing this for you.” he argued.

“You’re planning something.” you said, after a pause.

“I am not.”

“You are.”

“Am not.”

“Stop being such a child.” you scowled, turning to look at the nightmare wormhole again. You really didn’t want to think about its real name.

 _How about coming back here_ after _we save Asgard?_

_I’m sure we could find another, nicer place to live. One that doesn’t have a creepy old man who has a crush on you on it._

_The Grandmaster doesn’t have a ‘crush’ on me._

_Yes he does. And will you stop calling him ‘The Grandmaster’ like he’s some sort of weird king. What’s his real name?_

_…I don’t know._

_Right, well… call him Jeff._

_Jeff._

_Yes, Jeff._

Thor had reached the end of his monologue.

“If we’re stealing a ship, we’re gonna need to draw some guards away from the palace.” Valkyrie said.

“Why not set the beast loose?” Loki suggested.

“Shut up.” you and Thor told him at the same time.

“You guys have a beast?” Valkyrie asked.

“No, there’s no beast, he’s just being stupid. We’re going to start a revolution.” Thor said.

“Revolution?” Bruce asked.

“Thor, that’s brilliant!” you exclaimed, having read his mind to understand the plan.

“I’ll explain later.” he said to Bruce and Valkyrie, waving away their confused looks.

“So, it’s a deal?” Loki asked.

“Yes, fine. Y/N will tell us if you plan on betraying us.” Thor told Loki.

“Thank you brother, I am aware.” Loki said, shrugging his chains off as though they were a dressing gown and standing up. Valkyrie scowled, knowing full well that he could have escaped any time he’d wanted to.

“So, what’s the plan?” Bruce asked as you and Loki moved across the room towards the three of them.

“I need a wardrobe change.” you said, looking down at your blood-stained outfit. Loki touched the back of your hand gently; Valkyrie saw this and looked away quickly.

“Oh, uh, I’ll find you something.” she said, stomping away to a wardrobe in the corner of the room. She pulled out an outfit similar to the one she was wearing and showed it to you, eyebrows raised.

“Thanks.” you told her, even offering half a smile. You couldn’t decide whether you liked her or not. Correction: you did like her; you were just jealous. She was so _cool_ , and carefree… and she had an awesome cape, better than yours. The new outfit didn’t have a cape. Loki heard this thought and threw you a funny look which you ignored as you disappeared into the small bathroom to get changed.

The bathroom was in a similar state to the rest of the apartment, and you had no worries about dumping your blood-stained clothes and baldric in the bottom of the grimy shower. You doubted you’d be back for them; the thought was a bleak one. When you were dressed you splashed your face with cold water and stared at yourself in the mirror, holding on to the sides of the sink.

You weren’t looking great. You were really pale; your Y/E/C eyes were bright with emotion. After tying your hair back you picked up your baldric and sword (saying a mental goodbye to your Asgardian clothes) and went back into the apartment.

“Ready?” Thor asked as you emerged. You nodded.

“Right. Let’s go kill a Goddess.” Valkyrie said when he was done. She was itching to leave.

“Shouldn’t we like, all put our hands in the middle or something?” Bruce asked weakly, holding his hand out: stalling.

Loki was already out the door, closely followed by Thor and Valkyrie. You placed your hand on top of Bruce’s, smiling.

“Come on.”


	63. Escape

You were walking along a long corridor in silence with Valkyrie. It would have been awkward even if you hadn’t been holding on to her arm in order to make you both invisible.

You’d bid farewell to Loki, Thor and Bruce about one minute ago. Loki and Thor were going to steal a ship strong enough to get through the wormhole, and Bruce was going to wait in Valkyrie’s ship for you and her to get back, after you’d armed a revolution. You were feeling only slightly panicked.

“What’s the deal with you and lackey then.” Valkyrie asked stiffly. Was she trying to make conversation?

“It’s Loki. And…”

“Let me guess, you’re in love.” she said, pulling a face.

“If you like.” you replied with a small, slightly nervous laugh.

“You can see it when you look at each other.” she told you. How were you supposed to reply to that? Thank you?

“You’re lucky. Don’t let it go.” she told you abruptly. You were taken aback, but tried not to show it.

“I don’t plan on it.”

You had to fall silent then, as two guards passed you going in the opposite direction. When they were gone, you’d finally thought of something to say.

“Valkyrie…”

“Call me Val. We’re stuck together for the time being so best not to mess around with niceties.”

You smiled.

“Val then. I can actually teleport; it’ll be faster than walking.” you told her.

“Well why didn’t you say so when we left my apartment?” she asked, stopping short.

“It’s quite an odd experience, I wanted to check you were alright with it.”

“Yes, I am.” she told you firmly.

You closed your eyes; picturing the holding cell you’d been in earlier, and teleported. When your feet hit the ground you grabbed a tight hold of Val’s arm, correctly preempting that she would fall over.

“You good?” you asked.

“Yeah, yep.” she said, straightening up and letting go of your arm, becoming instantly visible to all of the prisoners. You quickly made yourself visible too.

“Does anyone here know a Korg?” you asked.

“Y/N! Welcome back.” Korg said loudly, appearing from around a corner with Miek.

“Hey Korg. Remember that revolution you were telling me about?”

…

The prisoners had been extremely easy to rally, as you’d been expecting, and once armed they posed rather a bigger threat than you’d anticipated. Not that that was your problem.

After you’d freed the prisoners, you and Val had teleported to her ship (Warsong: even her _ship_ was cool) where Bruce was waiting for you.

“Are you guys okay? Did the prisoners rally?” he asked anxiously as Valkyrie settled into the pilots seat and gestured for you to sit in the chair next to her.

“Oh they rallied alright. Now we just need to hope the guards are too preoccupied to notice the Grandmaster’s biggest ship being taken.” Val said cheerfully as the ship rose into the air; Bruce sat down heavily and put his seatbelt on.

“There’s not much point Bruce, we’re not sticking around on here for very long.” you reminded him.

“I’d actually like to survive long enough to be able to get off of this ship and on to the next one.” he retorted, holding on for dear life. You felt a rush of exhilaration as the ship raced forwards into the open air, and a wide grin spread across Val’s face. Bruce had his eyes shut.

“Loyal Sakaarians, the Lord of Thunder has stolen my ship and my favourite champion. Take to the skies. Bring him down. Do not let him leave this planet!” the Grandmaster’s voice echoed over the city. Valkyrie cursed loudly.

“Look, there.” you said, pointing at a very large and obvious ship flying fast away from the city, towards the wormhole. It was flanked by two Palace Patrol ships, but only two. For now.

“Yep, that’s the Commodore.” Val muttered, changing course to fly directly behind the ships. Then she flicked up a panel and pressed a button, before putting both hands back on the joystick and pressing another large button. You jumped as the two patrol ships blew up simultaneously ahead of you.

“Nice shot!” Bruce said, and you turned to see him now leaning forward eagerly.

Valkyrie bought her ship directly underneath the Commodore and then pressed some more buttons on the dash.

“Open the doors.” she spoke into a radio; you assumed Thor was on the other end. Then the whole ship spun upside down, yet the cockpit which the three of you were sat in remained upright.

“I hope that you’re tougher than you look.” Val said to Bruce, who looked at her in trepidation. You didn’t mean to read her mind, but she was taking such amusement in what she was about to do that you couldn’t help but overhear. You reached back and undid Bruce’s seatbelt.

“Why? _Why_?” Bruce asked, increasingly nervously.

Val hit yet another button, and Bruce was launched upwards out of the ship with a yell. You craned you neck looking upwards to make sure he landed safely, which he didn’t, sliding right to the edge of the door before managing to pull himself back up into the ship.

“Your turn.” Val said.

“Wait.” you told her, reaching out to grab her hand before she could hit another button. You’d intruded upon her mind more than you probably should have; you knew what she might do if things turned bad.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” you told her, echoing Loki’s words to you earlier. “We’re all going to get out of here.”

“I know.” she told you after a pause, with a funny smile. “Brace yourself.”

You were launched upwards out of Val’s ship and into the Commodore, making a slightly wobbly but overall stable landing. Bruce looked as though he had just got up from the floor; Loki was with Thor in the cockpit. You breathed a not-so-secret sigh of relief that he was there.

_You doubted me?_

_No._

_Liar._

“Shouldn’t we be shooting back or something?” Bruce asked, making his way to the cockpit with you.

“Yes, we should.” Thor agreed. “Where are the guns on this thing?” he continued, now talking into a radio.

“There aren’t any, it’s a leisure vessel.” Valkyrie’s voice crackled back through the radio.

“What?!” Thor and Bruce yelled in unified horror. You removed your hands from the back of Loki’s chair very swiftly.

“Grandmaster uses it for his good times, orgies and stuff.” Val continued. You closed your eyes. That’s why the ship was so lavishly decorated. Wonderful.

“Did she just say the Grandmaster uses it for _orgies_?” Bruce repeated.

_I wish people would stop saying the word orgies._

“Yeah, don’t touch anything.” Thor said, sounding vaguely ill. The ship rocked as there was gunfire from behind, causing you to grab the chair again reflexively. A few seconds later Val’s ship shot out from underneath the Commodore and appeared to be flying straight towards the Grandmaster’s riot ship, the Statesman, which was hovering over the rioting masses in the streets below and raining chaos down upon them.

“What’s she doing?” Loki asked, leaning forward.

“She’s hit… Val, this was the kind of stupid thing I was talking about!” you shouted into the radio. There was no reply.

You all watched in horror as Warsong ploughed straight into the side of the Statesman, exploding on impact. The Statesman was knocked off kilter and spun down towards the ground in a plume of smoke.

“No!” Thor and Bruce shouted, their devastation hitting you in the chest almost as hard as yours had. Barely a second passed, however, before suddenly a figure was flying out of the explosion, growing larger as it headed towards you…

“It’s her!” Bruce exclaimed, flinching only slightly as Val hit the windscreen and hung on for dear life. The Commodore lurched to one side as there was more gunfire from the patrol ships pursuing you.

“Get inside!” Thor yelled.

“In a minute!” Val yelled back, and then pulled herself up onto the roof and disappeared. You heard footsteps thudding across the roof, and then silence.

“She’s jumped onto another ship.” Loki said.

“She’s mental!” Bruce said.

“I should probably go and help. Banner, you fly.” Thor told Bruce, standing up to leave the ship’s controls unmanned.

“Here, take the wheel.”

“Wha- no! I don’t know how to fly one of these things! Loki can do it, or Y/N.” Bruce responded in panic.

“Loki isn’t allowed to fly.” Thor scowled, and you threw Loki a quizzical look. He just glared at Thor.

“You’re a scientist, use one of your PhDs!” Thor continued when Bruce didn’t respond, moving away to the back of the ship.

“None of them are for flying alien spaceships!” Bruce shouted over his shoulder, now sitting in the pilot’s seat looking very lost. You were wondering whether to go and help Val and Thor.

_No. Stay here._

_But-_

_Stay here._

You glared out of the window in annoyance.

_You know I’m right._

_Why do you think I’m scowling?_

From behind, you could hear loud explosions and metallic screeching coming from the patrol ships, which sounded like good news.

“Okay, come on. There’s gotta be a gun on this thing. That looks like a gun.” Bruce was muttering, looking at a button with what looked like an explosion on it.

“That doesn’t look like a gun.” Loki supplied.

Bruce pressed the button. The ships lighting changed to a sort of disco effect and weird dance music started blasting over the PA, followed by the Grandmaster’s voice.

“It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday!”

As the sound of fireworks reached your ears, you closed your eyes briefly and then turned around. You’d had enough.

“Y/N, don’t.”

“ _You_ don’t.” you told Loki, fully aware that you sounded like a child. You weren’t dignified with a response. 

You jogged to the back of the ship, where you then teleported up on to the roof. You watched as the fireworks, colourful smoke and confetti blinded one of the ships that had been pursuing you and caused it to crash land into the water below; you were past the wastelands now and flying over the ocean.

Allowing another rush of exhilaration to wash over you, you easily took down a patrol ship with your magic, seeing Val and Thor tear apart another ship behind it with their bare hands just behind. After a minute or two, the only other ships that you could see were far away in the distance; Thor and Val bought the last remaining ship underneath the Commodore and then jumped up into the Commodore’s open doors; you swung yourself back down into the open door to land next to them.

“Nice.” Thor said, as the doors closed behind you. Nice was correct; your heart was pounding and you felt _alive_.

 _Luckily you_ are _still alive._

_What did I tell you about being able to look after myself?_

“We’re coming up on the Devil’s Anus.” Valkyrie said as the three of you returned to the cockpit, your flight path a lot smoother now that you weren’t being fired upon.

“I’d buckle up if I were you.” Bruce said, swapping places with Thor and looking in dread at the approaching wormhole. Loki stood up and gestured for Valkyrie to take his seat.

“How chivalrous.” she commented.

There were only two proper seats in the cockpit and two bench like chairs against the far wall of the back of the ship. You tried very hard not to think about what the chairs might have previously been used for as you sat down on the right hand one next to Loki. Bruce occupied the left hand one.

None of you spoke as you approached the wormhole; the ship began to shudder violently as you entered it.

“Here we go.” Val said gleefully, gripping the sides of her chair tightly. Thor’s forehead was creased with worry. The euphoria you’d all been feeling just minutes ago had vanished completely, replaced by fear.

The ship’s onboard computer shorted out with a spark and a pop and then the lights flashed out. You curled your fingers around the edge of your chair as the hull creaked noisily, under intense amounts of pressure. The cabin shook beneath the strain, irregular thuds indicating debris flying about outside of the ship.

Loki took your hand; you squeezed, hard.

It felt as though the air was pressing down on you, compressing your lungs, your entire body, and making it difficult to draw a breath. Praying the ship wouldn’t be torn apart, you finally gave in and squeezed your eyes shut tight, half aware that you were losing consciousness.

 _‘Please’_ you thought, as Loki’s grip on your fingers loosened, and then his hand fell away.


	64. Asgard

You woke up to an odd floating sensation.

Opening your eyes slowly, you lifted your head from Loki’s shoulder and looked outside.

You’d made it. The ship was flying smoothly through space now; there was no more turbulence.

You started to smile, but then you saw Asgard. It was on fire.

“I never thought I’d be back here.” Valkyrie said from the front of the ship. She sounded like she was fighting back a range of emotions.

_Lokes, wake up._

You watched as he regained consciousness, one hand on his leg. As he woke up he looked at you, and then out at Asgard.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?”

You gave him a look before standing up unsteadily and moving to stand next to Bruce at the front of the cockpit as the ship descended into the clouds above Asgard. 

“I thought it would be nicer. I mean, not that it’s not nice. It’s just, it’s on fire.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you took in your home, destroyed, and a renewed hatred for Hela rose in your throat. Loki came to stand behind you.

Bruce was right, you had to admit that Asgard looked pretty woeful. It possessed none of the gleaming grandeur you’d witnessed on your first visit; instead it looked like a devastated ghost town. Fires littered the city, most of the buildings looked to be wrecked and plundered and dead soldiers were strewn across the streets.

“Here, up in the mountains.” Valkyrie said, pointing to a projected map on the console which showed the mountain where the stronghold was located, full of Asgardian citizens.

“Heat signatures, people clustered together. Hela’s coming for them.” she continued. You prayed that your parents were in there somewhere.

“Okay, we’ll land at the palace and I’ll draw her away.” Thor said.

“Thor, no.” you said, right as Valkyrie said, “And get yourself killed?”

“The people that are trapped down there are all that matter. While I’m dealing with Hela, I need you to help get everyone off of Asgard.” Thor told the four of you.

“How the hell are we supposed to do that?” Bruce asked incredulously. He was starting to look vaguely sick again.

“I have a man on the ground.” Thor said.

“Heimdall?” Loki asked in trepidation. He hadn’t seen him since he’d tried to have him imprisoned for treason.

“Yep.” Thor replied, unconcerned.

He made a fairly good landing in front of the palace, and about six minutes later you’d gained a massive Asgardian blaster which Thor had helped move into the ship, Valkyrie had some new armour which Thor had found in the armory and you’d risked teleporting to your room in the palace for a swift outfit change.

“Where are you going?” Loki had asked as you exited the ship.

“Wardrobe change. If we’re all going to die I want to go out in style.” you told him matter of factly before teleporting away. He followed you to your room.

“No one’s going to die. Well, we’re not. I can’t say the same with such certainty about my brother or that crazy Valkyrie. Or Bruce.” he told you as you swung your baldric from over your head and quickly grabbed your favourite gear, amour and cape from your wardrobe.

“I know that we’ll all be fine.” you said, laying the items you’d chosen out on your bed and closing your eyes. A second later Valkyrie’s clothes which you had been wearing were on your bed and you were wearing your own clothes.

_That’s much better._

You were ten times more comfortable in your own Asgardian-made gear and armour; your cape swished familiarly down your back as you picked your baldric back up and swung it over your head to rest across your torso.

“Are you getting changed?” you asked, looking at his Sakaarian outfit in concern; it didn’t look overly protective.

“No, I only need this.” he told you, his golden horned helmet appearing in his hand. You smiled.

“Of course.”

“We should get you one of these.” he told you, spinning it around and placing it on your head gently. It was way too big and slipped down to cover your eyes, making you both laugh.

“It’s too heavy.” you said, pushing it back up so that you could see Loki, who looked oddly bright eyed all of a sudden. You took his helmet off of your head and put it on his instead.

“Better.” you told him. He smiled and pulled you towards him. You let him.

_It’ll be okay._

You didn’t know who you were trying to convince more, you or him.

“I’m seriously considering locking you in that wardrobe until this is over.” he told you, his chin resting heavily on your head. You smiled.

“I hate that you worry about me so much.”

“I can’t help it.” he replied defensively, “You don’t know how it-”

“How it felt when I died, yes, I know.” you finished for him. You’d had endless conversations about it; how it’d felt for him. You prayed that you would never have to experience the same thing.

“Hela is ridiculously powerful. I don’t know how we’re going to beat her.” he told you. You pulled away from him and looked out of the window into the courtyard where the Commodore was sat.

“Hopefully we won’t have to face her. We just need to get everyone out of here.” you replied.

_But how?_

_I told Korg to follow us through the wormhole on the biggest ship he could find. We have to hope that he listened and made it out of Sakaar._

_That was clever of you._

_I hope so._

You both stood for a second, knowing you should return to the ship but not wanting to leave the security of your familiar room. In fact… suddenly the strongest feeling came over you; one that you couldn’t explain at all. One look at Loki showed that he felt it too.

_Something feels… weird._

_I know._

_What is it?_

Loki was frowning; looking past you into nothingness. When he met your worried gaze it was with concern.

_Something bad._

_What?_

“It’s… our soulmate connection.” Loki replied. You followed his thought process: _I don’t think we should go out there. It’s too dangerous._

_Why? Do you think…?_

_It’s trying to tell us something, and it’s not something good._

_Lokes, we can’t not fight now..._

_I won’t lose you again!_

“You _won’t_! We’re probably just worried about each other and it’s making our connection… whatever it is, play up.” you asserted. Loki was shaking his head; you grabbed hold of his face to stop it.

“If I die, you can say I told you so. Okay?”

“You’ll be the death of me.” he muttered after a pause, in which you tried to engrave the exact colour of his eyes into your brain so that you would never forget it. You’d done it a million times before and could categorically remember it off by heart, but hearing you think it always made him smile.

“I hope not.” you whispered back, closing your eyes and pressing your forehead against his. Ten seconds passed, then twenty, both of you waiting for the other to move first.

“I’m going to lock you in the wardrobe now.”

You laughed, and then he was kissing you, hard. Tears pricked at your eyes as you kissed him back and he pulled away, a question in his eyes.

_That was a goodbye kiss._

_No it wasn’t. It was a don’t die kiss._

You’d stalled for as long as you possibly could.

“Come on, let’s go and get it over with.” you finally told Loki. He nodded reluctantly, setting his jaw.

As you teleported out of your room and back to the palace courtyard, you knew inherently that that was the last time you would ever set foot in that room.

Thor was nowhere to be seen when you got back to ship. Just Bruce and Val, both of whom were looking oddly solemn.

Val smirked when she saw Loki’s helmet.

“Nice horns.”

“What’s happened? Where are the others?” Loki asked, ignoring her.

“Thor, uh…” Bruce said, pointing out of the windshield across the courtyard, where Thor was kneeling down next to one of the hundreds lifeless bodies which scattered the courtyard. Your breath hitched in your throat. You’d been sure that it was coming, but the confirmation that Hogun was actually dead still hit you hard.

The Warriors Three. All of them gone.

Loki reached for your arm, but you had teleported across the courtyard to Thor before he could touch you, tears pricking at your eyes yet again.

Thor wasn’t crying, he was just radiating a sort of quiet anger. You put a tentative hand on his shoulder and he looked up at you, his eyes ablaze with emotion.

“This stops now.” he said, his voice low in anger and grief.

“Thor?” you both spun around, Thor standing up swiftly at the sound of a female voice behind you.

“ _Sif._ ” you breathed in relief, stepping towards her instinctively. She stepped back, away from you. There was true anger and hurt in her eyes. Ah, you’d almost forgotten that you were a traitor and an awful person.

“Thor.” she said again, and walked straight past you into Thor’s arms. You stayed stock still and concentrated on breathing. Sif was alive, that was all that mattered.

“Where have you been? Hela, she’s torn everything apart…”

“I know, we’re here to stop her, what are you doing down here? Everyone’s up in the stronghold with Heimdall.” Thor said.

“I’ve been scouting the city for survivors, just to be sure. I’m so glad you’re here, she must be so close to finding our hideout. Heimdall is moving everyone as we speak.”

“Then we’re running out of time. Y/N, you need to get moving, go with the others to the Bifrost, quickly.” Thor told you, looking back towards the Commodore where Loki, Val and Bruce were talking.

“What about you?”

“I told you, I’m going to distract Hela.” he said, a steely look in his eye which told you that now was not the time for arguing. For the first time you saw Thor not as your friend, but a god; a leader. King of Asgard. He was practically radiating power as he stood before you. You just nodded, and then turned to Sif. She stared right at you.

“I’m sorry.” you said simply, your voice breaking on the last syllable. Then you teleported back to the ship.

“We need to get to the Bifrost.” you said, making Valkyrie and Bruce jump as you reappeared suddenly in their midst.

“What about Thor?”

“He’s going to distract Hela.”

“But -”

“He won’t change his mind. We need to move quickly, the whole of Asgard is on the move right now.” you stressed.

“We can’t just leave him here to die!” Valkyrie stressed.

“I’m not happy about it either, but he can look after himself. Right now there are several hundred people who need our help more than Thor.” you told her. You met her steely gaze with an imploring look, and she sat heavily back down in the pilot’s seat. 

“Thank you.” you said. As you took of you watched Sif disappear off to who knew where, and Thor ran up the steps and into the palace.

“He’ll be alright.” Loki said loudly to no one in particular. You nodded, again to no one in particular.

Val flew you out to the Bifrost, upon which was all that remained of the Asgardian population. You suspected there were about a thousand refugees down there, led by Heimdall who carried the Bifrost sword. Bruce suddenly grabbed your arm and pointed out towards the Observatory.

Sat at the far end of the Bifrost was an enormous, evil looking wolf.

“Fenrir. Hela’s mutt.” Valkyrie said, her voice filled with hatred. Even as she spoke, the hound stood up and started making its way menacingly towards the refugees, who looked for all the world like a herd of frightened sheep. From your point of view you saw Heimdall gesture for everyone to turn around, but blocking them was Skurge, wielding a massive axe and accompanied by an army of evil looking half human, half demon creatures.

“The Draugr.” Loki breathed, following your gaze.

“The what now?” you asked.

“Hela’s army of undead. She’s brought them back.” he explained. “Valkyrie, take us back over there. Y/N and I will hold the Draugr off while you two deal with that beast; we’ll have to hope that the refugee ship arrives before Hela finishes with my brother.”

You looked back towards the palace, praying for Thor’s safety.

“Refugee ship?” Bruce asked as took the ship low over the refugees. Heimdall was squinting up to see who the pilot was.

“Val will explain. Don’t die, you two.” you said, putting one hand on Val’s shoulder and one hand on Bruce’s arm. Val reached to pat your hand and Bruce nodded; you and Loki teleported down onto the Bifrost.


	65. Hela

You and Loki appeared between the refugees and the Draugr on the Bifrost. Skurge looked a bit put out when he saw the two of you.

“Hello Skurge.” Loki said, speaking loudly to be heard over the engines of the retreating Commodore. There were screams and yells from behind you as Fenrir started to run, and the sound of gunfire emanated from the Commodore.

“Attack.” Skurge said flatly, pointing his axe towards you. The Draugr advanced past him with a hundred times the enthusiasm of their leader, obviously having been waiting for the order eagerly. You and Loki were joined at the front of the crowd by a handful of terrified but determined looking Asgardian warriors, and your resolve was strengthened tenfold as you unsheathed your sword. These people needed you, and you weren’t going to let a single Draugr get past you to them.

You braced for impact, and then with an upward swing your sword made first contact with the first Draugr’s weapon. They were skillful warriors, and not as easy to strike down as you’d imagined, but you were more than a match for them with your sword and your magic. After about a minute of fighting there was a surge in the crowd, unhelpfully pushing you towards the Draugr.

_Push them back, now!_

You and Loki sent powerful explosions of magic ahead of you simultaneously, blasting all of the warriors within thirty yards of you backwards and off of the Bifrost. More were running towards you.

“Where are they _coming_ from?” you asked incredulously, gesturing ahead of you with your sword: there were hundreds of them. Loki had turned around to see what had caused the surge backwards, and you turned too to see Hulk dragging Fenrir off of the Bifrost. Before you had time to worry about Bruce the next wave of Draugr were almost upon you, but now the crowd of refugees you were defending were making progress towards the Observatory, no longer blocked by the monstrous dog.

“Go, please.” you said to the warriors who hadn’t moved with the crowd but stayed to defend their people alongside you and Loki. They didn’t need to be told twice, retreating quickly towards the Observatory.

_Shall we stay here or move back with them?_

_Stay here, we’re buying them time._

“Okay.” you said, more bracing yourself for the oncoming army than anything. Time didn’t exist on the battlefield, so it could have been five minutes or an hour before Loki spoke to you in your mind again.

_Korg’s here._

To say that you relaxed would have been a lie, but you certainly suddenly felt a lot more hopeful of the situation than you had previously.

“Y/N, Loki.” a familiar voice greeted you, and then Heimdall was by your side, wielding the Bifrost sword.

The Draugr were relentless; they were pushing you backwards slowly but surely towards the refugees and the rescue ship. You were beginning to tire and had sustained a few injuries, but nothing life threatening. Yet.

Your concentration had been such that you didn’t noticed the skies rapidly darkening and the electricity crackling through the air until Heimdall said “Look!”

Raising your head wearily your mouth fell open as you saw Thor flying through the air encompassed in an actual lightning bolt, heading straight for the centre of the mass of Draugr. You paid for your three seconds of ignorance, feeling a white-hot pain suddenly lance through your side. A cry of pain left you as you swung wildly at the Draugr that had maimed you, hardly touching it as it dodged your blade. A split second later its head was on the floor and Loki was in front of you.

You looked down to assess the damage: the wound was fairly deep, but nothing you couldn’t manage.

_You okay?_

_Just a scratch._

You grit your teeth as you returned to the fight, not allowing yourself to be distracted by anything else, not even flying gods in lightning bolts. Loki was staying closer to you now than before. After a few more minutes the last imminent Draugr had been slain, but now a much greater threat stood before you. Hela was stood at the end of the Bifrost, seething.

“Heimdall, go and make sure everyone is on that ship and then get out of here.” Thor instructed as he walked towards you, one side of his face caked in blood. Heimdall bowed and hurried off.

“Everyone okay?” Thor asked as Valkyrie approached you, looking worriedly over her shoulder for Hulk.

“That nerd was the big guy? Plot twist.” she said to you. You nodded, unable to speak you were so out of breath. A look of worry spread over her face as she saw you were hurt.

“You’re missing an eye.” Loki observed, squinting at Thor’s face as he moved towards you to look at your wound. He’d lost his helmet. You stared at Thor; Loki was right, one of his eyes was gone.

“Stop it. I’m fine.” you told Loki as he tried to start healing you. He correctly interpreted this as ‘save your strength’ and took his hand away reluctantly. The four of you looked towards Hela as she started walking menacingly towards you.

“I think we should disband the Revengers.” Thor said seriously.

“Hit her with a lightning blast.” Loki said, pointing at Hela.

“I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning blasts. It did nothing.” Thor shot back.

“We need to hold her off until everyone’s on the ship.” Valkyrie said.

“It won’t end there. The longer Hela’s on Asgard the more powerful she grows; she’ll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.” Thor replied, looking over his shoulder at the refugees, half of which still weren’t on the ship.

“What’s the plan?” you asked.

“I’m not doing get help.” Loki told Thor, looking at him in concern.

Thor seemed to be having an epiphany.

“Asgard’s not a place, it’s a people…”

Valkyrie frowned at you, and you shrugged. Loki was now watching Thor intently.

“This was never about stopping Ragnarok… it was about causing it.” he said, turning to Loki.

“Go to the vault. Surtur’s crown. It’s the only way.”

Loki opened his mouth, then a look of resolve settled across his face and he closed it again.

“Bold move brother, even for me.” he said. Then he turned to look at you. You were speechless.

“Have you gone quite _mad_?” you asked Thor. “You’ve lost a lot of blood, maybe…”

“Y/N, he’s right.” Loki told you, drawing you away from Thor and Valkyrie.

“No. You’re not going into that vault. You… we can’t just destroy Asgard! What have we been fighting for this whole time?”

“It’s how we stop her. How we get them to safety.” Loki said, looking towards the refugees.

“Then I’m coming with you.”

_No._

_Then you can’t go._

_I have to. And fast._

You knew he was right.

_I’m coming with you._

_I’m asking you to stay here. Please. I promise I’ll be okay._

You were running out of time, Thor was making his way towards Hela, followed by Valkyrie. You wanted to punch something.

Loki kissed your forehead, his cold hands on your shoulders.

_If I die you can say I told you so._

_That’s not fair._

_No, it isn’t._

He let go of your shoulders and cocked an eyebrow, smiling at you before disappearing, having teleported to the Commodore which Valkyrie had crash landed near the Observatory. Some Draugr had snuck past your defense by climbing underneath the Bifrost and were now making their way towards the refugees.

You didn’t give yourself time to worry about Loki, running straight towards them.

By the time you’d slain the last one, every single Asgardian was aboard the rescue ship.

“Go!” you shouted to a heavily injured Heimdall, who had been the last to get on after Korg.

He nodded, and you started to make your way back down the Bifrost towards Thor and Hela. Your side was really starting to hurt now; you’d lost a lot of blood. The ships engines roared to life and it began to take off, but then a giant black spike shot out of the water and impaled it, preventing it from rising into the air any further than it already had. You watched in horror as Hela halted your only escape route, and then hundreds more Draugr were racing towards the black spike and the refugees.

The only thing stood between them and all that was left of the Asgardian population was you. And you were bleeding out.

You cursed the universe as you unsheathed your sword yet again, wincing as you did so.

As they reached you, you apologised silently to everyone on the ship above you. There was no way you were strong enough to hold an entire army off by yourself, even when you weren’t injured and exhausted. But you had to try. You held your own for about thirty seconds before the first of the Draugr got past you. Then another, and another.

“No!” you grimaced, blasting the Draugr which had made it on to the spike with your magic, only to narrowly avoid getting kebabbed by a massive spear another of the creatures was wielding. You stumbled backwards, allowing even more Draugr onto the ship; they were everywhere. You thought you could hear Thor shouting your name.

All of a sudden there was a burst of gunfire from above you. You looked up in shock to see several Draugr flying out of the entrance to the ship. Then there was another short burst of gunfire and some more of the creatures were sent flying backwards, landing hard on the Bifrost. A few seconds later your savior revealed themselves to be none other than Skurge.

He came flying out of the ship as it broke away from the spike and began to rise into the sky, and relief rushed through you. You watched as Skurge landed on the Bifrost and blasted a few more Draugr, before yelling Hela’s name.

For the second time in the last two days you watched silently as Hela turned on Skurge, wanting to help him but not knowing how. He was dead in an instant, a blade from Hela going straight through his unprotected chest.

You waited until Hela had turned her furious attention back to Thor before advancing down the Bifrost towards them.

“Enough!” Thor shouted, and appeared to be surrendering to her.

“You want Asgard? It’s yours.” he told her.

You stopped walking and dropped your sword. You were all going to die here. The people were safe; you’d done what you needed to do… but now you were going to pay the price. You wished Loki were with you.

“Whatever game you’re playing, it won’t work. You can’t defeat me.” Hela scorned.

“No, but he can.” Thor said, pointing towards the palace.

Hela turned around just in time to see an enormous Surtur exploding through the roof of the palace. Your breath caught in your throat, waiting for the crushing sensation Loki had described to you so many times before to take hold of your chest, but it didn’t come. He was alright, for now. Or was he?

“No, no!” Hela shouted, watching Surtur destroy the palace with the massive sword he was wielding. And he was growing. Her attention was somewhat diverted as Val appeared from nowhere and drove her sword right through Hela’s chest.

Before Hela could retaliate Thor yanked Val from her clutches and blasted his sister with lightning. You stumbled backwards and fell to your knees as the section of the Bifrost where Hela had been stood cracked and broke, crumbling into the sea, sending her flailing down into the water below.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Thor called across the gap. You nodded mutely, unable to tear your eyes from the destruction Surtur was causing. Ragnarok was happening before your eyes.

Loki should have been back by now.

Thor and Val were talking, so they didn’t notice as Hulk pulled himself up on to the Bifrost next to you, dripping wet.

“Friends safe?” he grunted, poking you.

“The people are safe.” you said, pointing back towards the refugee ship which was about to reach the lower orbit of Asgard.

Hulk looked at the retreating ship, and then seemed to spot Surtur for the first time. His eyes widened.

“Hulk… no- Hulk!” you yelled, getting to your feet as he crouched down and then launched himself with immense power at Surtur.

“Hulk no! Stop it you moron!” Thor yelled as he spotted Hulk flying towards Surtur.

Incredibly, the shock of Hulk’s impact caused Surtur to take a destructive step backwards. Hulk was pounding his face, and then proceeded to try and yank one of the fire giant’s horns off of his head. Surtur reached up, grabbed Hulk and hurled him back down to the ground.

He landed hard, smoking and seething with anger, but before he launched himself back at the giant, Thor shouted “Hulk, just for once in your life, _don’t_ smash!”

“But… big monster!” Hulk complained.

“Let’s go!” Valkyrie said. With an almighty huff, Hulk turned away from Surtur and picked Thor and Valkyrie up. You picked your sword up as he hopped over the gaping hole in the Bifrost and scooped you up too.

“Can you make it?” Thor asked.

“Wait… Loki.” you said, twisting around with a grimace of pain to look at the palace. It was all but gone. There was a very loud silence before Thor said, “Let’s go.”

“No…”

Hulk crouched down and launched himself up towards the refugee ship with astonishing power, landing gently in the open side door of the ship.


	66. Refugees

Hulk placed you, Thor and Valkyrie down softly and you all turned to look at the destruction which had yesterday been your home.

Home. Your parents. Were they here?

“Mother?” you called, spinning around to look at the crowd of people behind you fearfully. Everyone appeared to be in shock, which was understandable, and many people were crying, especially the children. You muscled your way through the shell-shocked crowd calling your parents’ names until after a couple of minutes finally you saw them, relief coursing through you as you did.

Your mother encased you in a tight hug which didn’t help the wound in your side, but your father didn’t move towards you.

“I told you to stay away from him.” he said coldly. He was talking about Loki.

“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry, I shouldn’t have lied.” you said earnestly, your eyes filling with tears at the look on his face.

“I didn’t get a chance to apologise properly to some people and… wait, have you seen Sif?” you asked suddenly, turning around to try and spot her.

“She’s on the ship, we saw her earlier.” your mother told you, moving back to stand with your father, some of the same look appearing in her eyes. Betrayal.

You opened your mouth to say something else, but then there was an enormous _boom_ , and the whole ship rocked to one side, throwing everyone off balance. There were gasps and cries from the front of the crowd where Thor was stood with Val, Hulk and Heimdall looking out towards Asgard. You stumbled back through the crowd towards them; a constricted sob left you as you reached the window.

Surtur had driven his sword straight through the centre of Asgard, destroying it in an instant. It was now nothing more than thousands of chunks of rock floating through space, backlight by a bright blue light from the aftermath of the cataclysmic explosion.

Thor looked sideways at you.

“Is he okay?” he asked quietly, his voice wavering and almost breaking.

“I don’t know.” you whispered, your eyes not leaving the destruction in front of you. Loki wasn’t on the ship, but he wasn’t on Asgard anymore either… there was no Asgard left for him to _be_ on. There was no evidence that he should be alive… apart from the fact that you weren’t experiencing the pain he had described having felt when you’d died. Was this what your connection had been trying to warn you about when you’d been stood in your room? That you weren’t going to see each other again?

 _It’ll be my fault._ Thor’s guilty thoughts were too loud for you not to hear.

You stayed with Thor at the window long after many others had moved away, watching the remnants of Asgard get smaller and smaller as you retreated into space, trying to think of anything but Loki. Eventually Valkyrie persuaded you both to get checked over by the few Healers that were on board; they’d set up a kind of medical camp in the corner of the ships main room with the little supplies that had either been salvaged from Asgard or found aboard the ship.

You were presented with a horrible smelling balm to put on your wound and a handful of bandages before being ushered away to sort yourself out; there were people in a lot worse shape than you after having been hunted refugees hiding in the mountains for two days.

Deciding that you would find somewhere else to tend to your wounds you left the ship’s main room and found a smaller, private room which looked like a cross between a bedroom and a kitchen. You removed your baldric slowly, painfully, and placed it on the bed, before beginning the slow and arduous task of getting your amour off over your head without stretching the wound in your side any more than it already had been. You were too drained to use your magic, and if you got it wrong something horrible might happen.

Finally pulling the armour over your head with a hiss of pain you dropped it on the bed and looked down to inspect the gaping hole in your side. It was worse than you’d thought. Not wishing to smother yourself in the horrible substance the Healer had given you (it was no doubt going to hurt like a bitch), you crossed the room to stand by the window and looked out into space. From this side of the ship you could only see half of Asgard… or, what had been Asgard.

Trying not to think about Loki wasn’t going well at all. You would know if he was dead. _Surely_ you would know…

Then he was behind you.

You saw him materialize in the reflection of the window, stood in the middle of the room holding a glowing blue cube and breathing heavily as though he’d just been running. As you made eye contact in the reflection, your mouth open in shock, his face split into a wide smile and then gave a half triumphant, half disbelieving laugh. 

“I didn’t think that was going to work.” he said, tossing the blue cube aside and moving towards you as you turned around to look at him properly. And then you were in his arms.

Safe. He was safe.

“Why were you gone for so _long_!?” you exclaimed, suddenly furious, gripping him tightly. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“I know, I’m sorry. I had to figure this out.” he said, pulling away from you and summoning the blue cube back to his hands.

“Is that…?”

“The Tesseract.” he confirmed. “I took it from the vault; it’s how I got back.”

You took it from him carefully, it was freezing cold to touch. You could tell it was enormously powerful and extremely dangerous.

Tossing it on to the bed, you put your arms around Loki again and kissed him. His hands slid up your back as he held you to him tightly, smiling into the kiss. When you eventually pulled away he looked up, resting his chin on your head to look out of the window at the chunks of rock, still slightly backlit by the blue light.

“Good job you didn’t lock me in the wardrobe.” you said, turning your face away from the window. Loki laughed: a genuine, happy laugh. The sound made you smile broadly.

You stood in silence for a few minutes, content to just stand and hold each other. Then Loki pulled away from you rather abruptly.

“I’m just going to do this now.”

“Going to do wha-”

He conjured a small, black box which looked awfully like it had a ring inside of it. Your heart shot up into your throat and lodged itself there.

“Don’t freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out.” you managed after a pause in which was definitely were freaking out.

“You’re not breathing.”

You took a deep breath and met his gaze. He was _nervous_.

“I- what…?” you asked shakily.

“It’s whatever you want it to be.” he replied carefully, flipping the box open to show you. The ring was gorgeous.

“I don’t know… if it’s too soon, or- I’ve been waiting for the right moment for a while, but now I don’t know if there’s going to be one, or if there’s even such a thing as a ‘right moment’. I just know that… I-” he paused and took a step closer to you as he tried to find the words.

_I love you. And I know we’re soulmates and that’s amazing but I want you to be mine. Properly. If you do too, I mean. And this doesn’t have to be an engagement ring if you don’t want it to be, it can just be a promise ring, or…_

“Are you trying to propose to me?” you asked, furiously fighting back tears. If a voice can be restricted by the sheer extent of love they are feeling towards a person, yours was at this moment.

“I- yes.” Loki replied, swallowing hard and watching you nervously. Then his eyes widened and he stepped back.

“Oh, wait.” he said, before crouching to kneel on one knee, looking up at you.

“Lokes.” you choked, half laughing half crying. He looked hopeful, and terrified. 

“…is that a yes?”

“Yes, of course yes. I love you.” you sobbed.

The visible relief which spread across his face made you laugh; he stood up again and reached for you. You hugged him tightly for a second and then pulled back to kiss him. This time he pulled away first.

_Did you really think I’d say no?_

_I wasn’t sure._

Loki took the ring from the box and held it out to you; you furiously wiped your tears away and then offered him your left hand and he slid the ring on to your finger.

“It’s perfect.” you smiled, holding your hand up to admire it.

“You’re perfect.” Loki told you sincerely, watching you in reverence. You were unable to take your eyes from the ring.

“It’s Frigga’s. I took it from their old room… I figured she wouldn’t mind.” he told you.

You smiled at him.

“I love it. Truly.”

“Good. But… that was all wrong. I was going to do it on the balcony where we snuck off to after that ball, there was a whole speech… I had it all planned out.” Loki told you.

“There was nothing wrong with it. It was perfect, this ring is perfect, you are perfect. Everything is perfect.” you replied, elation rising in your chest as he smiled and pulled you back towards him.

Now that the shock was wearing off, for the second time in the last hour, your side began to remind you that it was split open again.

“How bad is it? And don’t say just a scratch.” Loki said. You smiled.

“It’s worse than I thought.”

“Come here then.”

You sat on the bed looking the other way while Loki healed you, unable to take your eyes from the ring on your finger.

“Don’t heal it fully, it’ll knock you out.” you told him.

“I’m fine. And besides, we’ve got nowhere to be.”

You couldn’t argue with that. Still staring at the ring on your finger, you were suddenly hit with a terrifying thought.

“We’ll have to have a _wedding_.” you said suddenly.

“Well… yes. That’s rather the point.” Loki smiled, “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”

“Of course I have.”

You hadn’t.

“Just… where will we have it? And who will be there? What am I going to _wear_?!”

“You’re freaking out again.”

“I’m not freaking out! I’m just… considering our options.” you retorted.

“It doesn’t have to be any time soon. Whenever you like… although preferably after we’ve found somewhere new to live which isn’t a refugee ship.” Loki told you. You laughed, and then winced.

“Almost done.” he said; when you looked back down at your side you saw he was right. The wound in your side now looked several weeks old.

“Honestly, stop. You’re tired, that’s fine.” you told him, pushing his hands away.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Thank you.” you said, giving him another kiss before standing up to enjoy the lack of pain in your side as you did. “You should go and tell Thor that you’re alive.”

“Yes, I probably should.”

“You definitely should.”

“Y/N? Thor said… oh check it out, you’re alive!” Valkyrie said as she appeared in the doorway and spotted Loki.

“It would appear so.” Loki said, standing up.

“Good for you man. Thor asked me to ask you if you could you go and see him, I dunno what it’s about. He’s next door.”

“Thanks Val.” you said, and she nodded before disappearing back around the door.

“After you.” you said to Loki, gesturing ahead of you.

“He’d better not try and hug me.” Loki muttered as you left the room.

Thirty seconds later he was trapped in a deathly bear hug embrace from his brother, looking vaguely terrified.

_What do I do?_

_Hug him back!_

Loki reached round and awkwardly patted Thor on the back. You sighed. At least it was something.

“I knew you weren’t dead.” Thor said happily, releasing Loki who looked enormously relieved. He looked so different with short hair and his new eyepatch.

“We have some news.” Loki told him, gesturing at you. For a second you were almost as confused as Thor.

“We do?”

Loki just looked at you.

“Oh! We do have some news.” you smiled, stepping forward to stand next to Loki and showing Thor your left hand.

The blast of emotions Thor felt when he saw Frigga’s ring on your finger hit you square in the face; you almost took a step back because of it. Thereafter followed tears and more hugging which Loki was less than pleased about.

“I’m so happy for you both.” Thor said gleefully for the seventh time in the past two minutes.

“Val said you wanted to see me?” you asked, attempting to calm Thor down but unable to keep the grin from your own face.

“Yes, of course. Where are we going?” he asked.

“I… don’t know. Where are we nearest to?” you replied, looking at Loki, who shrugged.

“I have no idea.”

“Okay… maybe we should go and talk to the others about it?”

“Everyone’s out there waiting for me.” Thor said in a slightly panicked tone.

“Hey, chill out. Let’s just go and work it out.” you said. Thor nodded.

The three of you walked back out into the main room and the crowd of refugees, Asgardian and Sakaarian alike, parted as you moved towards the front of the room. Valkyrie, Heimdall and Hulk were next to the captain’s chair, along with Korg who was carrying a seemingly dead Miek.

“Your throne.” Valkyrie grinned, gesturing for Thor to sit down. After a hesitant pause, he did.

Loki was watching him; you took his hand and he turned to smile at you instead.

“So, king of Asgard. Where to?” Heimdall asked.

“I’m not sure. Any suggestions? Miek, what’s your home planet?” Thor replied.

“Oh, Miek’s dead.” Korg explained, “I accidentally stepped on him on the bridge; I’ve just felt so guilty I’ve been carrying him around since…”

Suddenly Miek wriggled to life, having apparently only been sleeping. Korg’s face lit up.

“Miek, you’re alive! He’s alive everyone! What was your question?”

Thor looked forward into space, a small smile on his face.

“Earth it is.”


	67. Thanos

You didn’t know it then, but you had only ten more minutes.

You should have spent them with Loki.

Instead, you sought out Sif. She was alone in a corner, gazing out of a window, so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice you approach her until you cleared your throat.

“Can I sit?”

A pause, and then she nodded.

You talked to her for a while, explaining and apologizing in a big, messy monologue, and when she still said nothing still you just sat with her, waiting.

“Fandral and Volstagg are dead too.” finally she spoke, her voice cracking. It wasn’t what you’d been expecting to hear.

“I know.” you whispered, “I was there when… when she…” you were unable to finish the sentence. Even after everything that had happened in the last two days, it was still raw.

“Good. So they weren’t alone.” Sif said, her face blank, her emotions raging.

“Fandral used his dying thought to call me a traitor.” you told her, your voice catching.

She looked at you properly for the first time.

“He was right.”

It would have hurt less if she’d run you through with her sword.

“But you’re his friend, and he would have forgiven you in time. Just like Volstagg and Hogun. And me.” she finished. You fought not to let any tears escape, you had no right to cry.

“Thank you.” you managed. And then the first missile hit.

For the second time the ship lurched to the side, but this time no one knew what had caused the commotion. You and Sif both got to your feet hurriedly; the beginnings of fear were starting to taint the previously quite pleasant atmosphere.

Fear, burning hot and cold at the same time, ran through you. It wasn’t your fear.

“What was that?” Sif exclaimed in horror, and then another missile hit. This time there were screams.

This couldn’t be happening. You’d _just_ saved everyone, barely half an hour ago you’d finally relaxed, and now everyone was in imminent danger again.

“I need to go.” you whispered, and teleported to Loki. He was stood next to a window speaking urgently to Thor; when you appeared he grabbed your arm.

“What’s happening?” you barely got to the end of the sentence before you saw the enormous ship looming ahead of you which stopped you in your tracks. Thor grabbed your shoulder, squeezed, and then ran out into the main room. His authoritative voice echoed through the ship as Loki seized your shoulders and turned you away from the window to face him.

“It’s Thanos.”

Fear gripped you.

“No.” you whispered, shaking your head. This wasn’t happening.

“This is happening, and I need you to listen to me.” Loki demanded, moving you away from the window as another explosion rocked the ship. More screams from the refugees. You closed your eyes in despair.

“No, Y/N, look at me.” Loki said, shaking you slightly. You opened your eyes again. Terror was coursing through the two of you in equal measures.

“He’s after the Tesseract.”

“What? Why?”

“It- because it’s powerful.”

A drop of indignance infused with the overwhelming senses of confusion and dread you were feeling.

_Tell me._

_It’s an Infinity stone._

_What’s that?_

_It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he can’t get his hands on it, otherwise…_

_What?_

_It will be bad. Awful, in fact. But he knows I have it, somehow. That’s why he’s here._

Your head was spinning. Yet another explosion; this one sounded and felt like it had hit home in the centre of the ship. The silence which followed was a thousand times scarier than the screams had been.

“He, Thanos, doesn’t know about you, about us. And he cannot find out, understand?”

“No, wait, stop, stop.” you said desperately, shaking your head and grabbing at his arms. Things were happening too quickly for your brain to keep up with. Loki was worried Thanos would try and use you as a bargaining chip. Worried didn’t even begin to cover it.

_You need to hide, okay? Cast the strongest illusion you can and stay as far away as you can from wherever they go. And don’t try and talk to me through your mind, one of his minions is a telepath. And-_

“What are you going to do? About the Tesseract?” you asked in unease.

“I-” Loki started, but was unable to finish his sentence, shaking his head and staring into your eyes as though the answer he was looking for was written somewhere within them. His grip on your shoulders tightened as he clenched his jaw: a reflex as he tried to stay calm.

He didn’t know. A sob rose in your throat but you caught it and forced it down into your chest, moving forward to comfort him out of instinct, even though there was no comfort to be given.

_Promise me you’ll stay hidden. Even if things get bad._

This time you couldn’t stop the tears, laying your forehead on his chest in defeat. He took your face in his hands and gently forced you to look at him. He was so frightened.

_Promise me._

_Yes._

_Swear it, on my life._

You kissed him instead, until the next and final explosion rocked the ship so violently that it was all you could do to stay upright; you felt the heat of it through the wall.

“Don’t die. Not for a stone.” you told Loki, your voice so constricted it hardly sounded like your own.

He grimaced rather than smiled.

“It’s not just a stone-”

“I don’t care what it is or what Thanos is going to do with it. You stay _alive_.” you told him furiously, fueled by a sudden surge of anger, fear and love.

The conflict raging behind his eyes was clear to you both in his face and mind.

“They’re here.” he said suddenly, looking at the wall which was now all that separated the two of you and Thanos; fresh fear washed over you both.

“I love you, so much. Hide.” he said, pulling away from you, resisting your attempts to hold on to him. His hands shook as they left yours. And then he was gone.

You pressed a hand to your mouth as though that would do anything to calm the overwhelming panic which threatened to engulf you. Loki was just on the other side of the main room; you could feel his presence, but he might as well have been on the other side of the universe for all the help you could give him.

He’d told you to hide, but you didn’t think you were physically capable of moving away from instead of towards your soulmate while he was facing up to his biggest fear, one which had plagued his dreams and caused him years of torment. He’d also told you to cast the strongest illusion that you could; that you could do.

When you teleported to the very edge of the main room to watch what was going on, it was all you could do to stop your knees from giving out. Dead Asgardians littered the floor so densely that you could barely see any actual flooring, and the smell of blood was almost overpowering. In your shock your illusion flickered, and a hideous alien looking creature which was walking among the dead bodies turned sharply to look towards you.

The fear which shot through you powered the strength of the illusion which you promptly reinforced, and the alien only stared for a few more moments before moving on. That must have been the telepath Loki had told you about.

Loki. He was stood among some other horrific looking aliens about twenty feet away from your hiding spot, deathly pale, watching Thanos, who was stood before them all surveying the scene before him. Thor was on the floor at his feet, apparently unconscious.

Your heart leapt as you spotted Heimdall, severely injured but alive, on the floor. The alien walking among the dead began to speak.

“Hear me, and rejoice. You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan. You may think this is suffering… no. It is _salvation_. Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice. Smile, for even in death, you have become Children of Thanos.”

Universal scales tip towards balance because of your sacrifice? Was he trying to justify this mass murder? You turned your attention towards Thanos. Hesitating for only a moment, you delved into his mind.

Within seconds you had to retreat. He wanted to _murder_ half of the entire _universe_. And all he needed to do it was six stones. One of which Loki was hiding from him.

Your heart was beating far too fast and loud in your chest; you were sure it was going to give you away. Never in your life had you felt fear such as this. Now you understood. Loki couldn’t let him have the Tesseract. But Thanos was prepared to kill everyone here to get it.

There was no way out.

Thanos was looking out of a window which hadn’t been destroyed by the missiles.

“I know what it feels like to lose. To _feel_ so desperately that you’re right… yet to fail nonetheless.” he said, reaching down casually to lift Thor up by the neck of his breastplate. Thor struggled feebly, but to no avail. He was covered in blood and looked half dead; you had to stop yourself from stepping forward to go to him.

“It’s frightening.” Thanos continued, “Turns the legs to jelly. I ask you, to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say… _I am_.”

He then held up his hand to reveal that it was encased in a huge golden gauntlet; there was a purple stone glowing in one of six holes the gauntlet hosted.

He already had one stone. The fear you felt was growing by the minute; the alien which had looked towards you before was looking back towards your hiding spot.

“You talk too much.” Thor growled, blood drooling from one corner of his mouth.

Thanos looked at Loki, addressing him.

“The Tesseract or your brother’s head. I assume you have a preference.”

 _No_ , you mouthed, actually taking a step forward this time. It had been unintentional, an intrinsic reflex to be closer to Loki, but it had cost you everything. In the next instant the alien who had been looking towards you stripped your illusion and had a tight hold on your arm.

_Got you._

His voice was clear in your head, as clear as you had only ever heard Loki’s voice in your head. Panic gripped you. How had he stripped your illusion so easily, and how was he inside of your head?

_Stupid girl, my abilities are far superior to yours._

And then you were stood before Thanos.

“No.” Loki said, stood just behind you, his voice hoarse with dread. You tried to turn to him but the alien used his powers to force you to look at Thanos, who dropped Thor back to the ground unceremoniously as he turned his attention to you instead.

“No, don’t-” Loki sounded like he was cut off mid-sentence by the alien’s powers. You should have listened to him when he’d told you to hide.

“A girlfriend?” Thanos asked Loki in scorn, looking past you to him.

“Soulmates, my Lord.” the alien informed him, sounding positively gleeful. Thanos ‘ahh’ed in understanding.

You could feel Loki fighting to try and break free from the alien’s restraints behind you.

_Ebony Maw._

The alien wanted you to know his name before you died.

Thanos walked slowly towards you, watching Loki rather than you, enjoying his fear. Your mind went curiously quiet as you watched the Titan approach you; you wondered if you were going to pass out.

“Y/N-” you heard Thor groan your name from the ground behind Thanos.

“Change of plan.” Thanos said, turning you around surprisingly gently to face Loki and the rest of the aliens. You didn’t know what you’d been expecting, but seeing him so scared and vulnerable and helpless was surely worse than any torture Thanos was about to inflict upon you.

_I’m so sorry._

Ebony Maw allowed Loki to speak.

“Don’t hurt her.” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“The Tesseract.” Thanos said, lifting the hand which wasn’t holding you, the hand donning the gauntlet, to your head. Loki looked at you, and broke.

_I told you to hide._

_I know. I’m sorry. You can’t let him have it._

For a split second you were able to register the confused look on his face. He hadn’t realised that you’d worked out what Thanos wanted with the Tesseract.

Then Thanos gripped the back of your neck, lifting you into the air. You closed your eyes, unable to bear the look on Loki’s face anymore.

_Don’t give it to him._

“No, NO!”

He pressed the purple stone which was in the gauntlet into your temple.

You hadn’t thought anything could have been worse than the psychological pain of seeing Loki in the state he’d been in.

This was worse. This was physical, bone deep, gut wrenching pain which made you forget which way was up. This was anguish as you’d never experienced it before; it obliterated any sense you thought you’d had of the word and revealed itself to be a whole different world of nightmares. Every nerve in your body was alight with agony, waves of torturous pain surging through your veins and causing your muscles to convulse in absolute torment. You were unable to even think, every part of you entirely consumed by burning anguish.

The only good thing to be said about it was that it barely lasted ten seconds.

When the agony ceased, the aftershock rendered you absolutely useless; you couldn’t even find the strength to lift your eyelids. Your throat felt raw, had you screamed?

After another few seconds, during which you were aware of nothing but a loud ringing in your ears, Thanos released his hold on your neck and you felt yourself drop to the ground, almost passing out as your aching limbs made hard contact with the ground.

Then there was a roar and a large collision above you, and you waited to die. Instead you felt someone picking you up, it _hurt_ , and then everything became quieter as you were teleported away.

_Y/N, Y/N look at me. Open your eyes._

Everything ached; you didn’t want to move. But Loki was panicking.

You opened your eyes to see him knelt before you with tears running down his face. He could hardly breathe.

“No.” you said sadly, trying to sit up properly so that you could reach him. He leaned towards you instead and pressed his forehead against yours, shaking violently.

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

_Stop, it’s my fault. I-_

_No. It’s_ not _your fault._

_What’s happening? Where’s Thor… where’s the Tesseract?_

He didn’t move, didn’t speak.

_You didn’t let him have it-_

_I had to._

_No-_

_Yes. I did. You were dying-_

There was a loud, familiar sounding roar from behind you and a loud _crunch_.

_Hulk?_

_Yes, but he’s only a distraction._

_Where is the Tesseract? If we can get it-_

You moved painfully to stand up, but Loki caught hold of your arms gently.

_There’s no point. We have no way out._

Just then Hulk crashed to the ground ten feet away from where you were hidden, having been flung aside by Thanos. Loki let go of you and stood up, casting an illusion so that he could watch what was going on without being seen. He was looking at Thor, who, having tried to fight Thanos with Hulk, was now bound in metal debris from the ship by Ebony Maw.

You stood up shakily and cast an illusion of your own, ignoring the pain, which was potent throughout your whole body, moving towards Hulk.

The next two seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.

In the first second you became aware that someone was using astonishingly powerful magic, and were then suddenly encased in a blindingly bright light, along with Hulk five feet ahead of you.

In the next second you were able to work out that Heimdall had summoned the Bifrost and that you and Hulk were inside it. Loki span to look at you in shock, and then unmistakable relief spread across his face. You made to step towards him, reaching for him, opening your mouth to say his name.

And then you were swept away into space.


	68. Midgard

“No! No, no, no-”

You were shouting, screaming as you hurtled through space, knowing all the while that it was utterly pointless. The only person who could hear you was Bruce, and even he seemed to be unconscious. There was no one to hear your cries. Relief that you had escaped, anger at Heimdall and fear for Loki and Thor crushed your chest, and all the while you were still reeling from being tortured with the Power stone.

You’d never felt so helpless in your life.

Suddenly you reached wherever it was Heimdall had sent you; it wasn’t a graceful landing. You and Bruce smashed through a large window set into a roof and crashed to the ground; fresh pain lanced through your body again and almost sent you back into blissful unconsciousness.

Almost.

You rolled over, your whole body convulsing as new waves of agony swept over you.

“Y/N?” a familiar American accent invaded your consciousness. Bruce was staggering to his feet; you heard him stumble and crash into something.

“Thanos.” he said stupidly.

“Whoa, hold on. Y/N, can you hear me?” Strange asked you; you opened your eyes and sent your gaze upwards to the hole in the ceiling which you and Bruce had presumably just created, and to the sky above. Loki was up there, with Thanos. Fear and desperation gripped you so tightly that you could barely breathe.

“I have to go back.” you croaked, struggling to your feet, pushing through the pain. There was another man now, helping you tentatively to your feet. Your entire body was glowing purple.

“Thanos, he’s coming.” Bruce stressed, grabbing Strange by the shoulders.

“I need to go back!” you said loudly, pointing at the sky. You were aware that you probably sounded mental, but it was the only thing you knew. Loki… and Thor… you actually doubled over from the awful, burning dread that had settled heavily on your chest, squeezing your eyes shut. Surely this was some awful nightmare that you were about to wake up from.

“She’s in shock.”

“I’m not in shock!” you shouted, tears running down your face. You’d been unaware that you were crying, “I need to go back, I have to-”

“Wong, find Stark. We need him.”

It took you a few seconds to realise what Strange had said to the man who had helped you to your feet.

“Y/N, you need to calm down. Is Thanos really coming?” Strange said, now speaking to you.

“He’s after the Infinity stones.” you told him, “Is there one on Midgard?”

As you spoke, his hand moved to a circular pendant hanging on the chain around his neck.

“Is that…?”

“The Time stone. Where are Loki and Thor?”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“Loki had the Space stone.” you whispered. Bruce was watching you sadly. Strange nodded but said nothing.

“Can you get me back?” you asked Strange desperately.

“Back to where?” he replied pityingly.

You opened your mouth, unable to rid your mind of Loki’s panicked, tear stained face. A pained groan escaped you as you turned away and buried your face in your hands.

“Found him.” Wong said suddenly, opening a portal in the air ahead of him.

“Follow me.” Strange told you and Bruce, and walked through the portal. You allowed Bruce to take your arm and lead you to follow him to emerge in a park. Before you were a bewildered looking Tony and Pepper.

Bruce let go of you and went straight to Tony, hugging him tightly. Tony hugged him back, confusion written all over his face, staring at you over Bruce’s shoulder.

“Kid?”

He looked so worried; your eyes filled with fresh tears which you tried to furiously blink away as he broke away from Bruce and moved towards you. You heard his loud, messy thoughts as he reached for you, the primary one being _she looks awful._

You felt awful.

“Where have you been? And you! Where have you both been? It’s been two _years_!” he asked, addressing Bruce too.

“There’ll be time for a lovely catch up later, for now we have a more pressing issue on our hands.” Strange said, gesturing towards the portal you’d come through. Tony turned to Pepper; she looked scared.

“I’ll be home soon, okay?” he told her, kissing her forehead. She nodded reluctantly.

“Be safe.” she called, as he, you, Bruce followed Strange back through the portal. You recognized now that the building was the Sanctum Sanctorium, AKA 177A Bleecker Street. This was where you’d met Strange before, with Thor.

“Kid, seriously, are you okay? You look rough, where’s Reindeer Games?” Tony asked you as you followed Strange down a series of corridors.

“Thanos…” you managed, before your throat closed over again.

“He’s not..?” he didn’t need to finish his sentence, his thoughts doing the work for him. _Dead._

“I don’t know.” you whispered.

“Over here, quickly.” Strange said, ushering the three of you over to the man he had called Wong, who used magic to conjure up a projection of the Universe and five of the six Infinity stones.

“From the dawn of the universe, there was nothing. Then, boom! The Big Bang sent six elemental crystals hurtling across the virgin universe. These Infinity stones each control an essential aspect of existence.” Wong told you. What was this, a science lesson? You were waiting for the feeling in your chest which would tell you Loki had died at any moment. Maybe he was already dead.

“Space, Reality, Power, Soul, Mind. And Time.” Strange said, opening up the pendant hung around his neck to reveal the Time stone.

“Tell me his name again.” Tony said, staring at the projection.

“Thanos. He’s a plague, Tony. He invades planets, he takes what he wants. He wipes out half the population. He sent Loki.” All eyes turned to you, “The attack on New York. That’s _him_.” Bruce explained.

“This is it…” Tony muttered under his breath, then aloud, “What’s our timeline?”

“No telling. He has the Power and Space stones, that already makes him the strongest creature in the whole _universe_ , if he gets his hands on all six stones Tony…” Bruce said.

“He can destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of.” Strange finished for him.

Tony leaned against a nearby cauldron, stretching like he was about to go for a run.

“Did you seriously just say ‘hitherto undreamt of’?”

“Are you seriously leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos?” Strange asked, matching his sarcastic tone.

“Is that was this is?” Tony asked, before being smacked sharply by Strange’s levitating cloak.

“I’m going to allow that.” Tony said, looking offended, “If Thanos needs all six, why don’t we just stick this one down the garbage disposal?”

“No can do.” Strange said.

“We swore an oath to protect the Time stone with our lives.” Wong explained.

“And I swore off dairy, but then Ben and Jerry’s named a flavour after me, so…” Tony retorted.

“Stark Raving Hazelnuts.” Strange nodded.

“It’s not bad.” Tony said.

“A bit chalky.” Strange shrugged.

“A Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge is our favourite.” Wong chipped in.

“That’s a _thing_?” Bruce asked in astonishment.

“ _Guys_.” you half yelled in exasperation. Loki and Thor could be dying or dead and they were stood here talking about _ice cream_. You thought you might be about to throw up.

“My point is: things change.” Tony concluded.

“Our oath to protect the Time stone cannot change. This stone may be the best chance we have against Thanos.” Strange told him sternly.

“And conversely, it may also be his best chance against us.” Tony argued.

“Well, if we don’t do our jobs.” Strange shot back.

“What is your job exactly, besides making balloon animals?” Tony asked condescendingly.

“ _Tony_.” you cut in sharply.

“Protecting your reality, _douchebag_.” Strange replied, cocking an eyebrow.

“Will you _stop_.” you said angrily.

“Okay guys, could we table this discussion right now?” The fact is that we have the stone. We know _where_ it is. Vision is out there somewhere with the Mind stone, and we have to find him _now_.” Bruce asserted, and you nodded vigorously, moving to stand by the only person who seemed to feel half as much urgency as you were feeling.

“Yeah… that’s the thing.” Tony said, slightly shiftily.

“What do you mean?” you asked quickly.

“Two weeks ago Vision turned off his transponder. He’s offline.”

“ _What_? Tony, you lost _another_ super bot?” Bruce asked angrily.

“I didn’t _lose_ him. He’s more than that. He’s evolving.” Tony explained.

“Who could find Vision then?” Strange asked.

“Shit.” Tony muttered, “Probably Steve Rogers.”

You frowned; something was off.

“Oh, great.” Strange sighed, confirming your suspicions.

“Maybe, but…” Tony didn’t finish his sentence, sighing.

“Call him!” Bruce said.

“Tony, what happened?” you asked nervously.

“God, we haven’t caught up in a spell, have we?” he addressed the two of you. You just stared at him.

“The Avengers broke up. We’re toast.”

Your heart seemed to fall out of your chest. _Broke up?_

“Broke up? Like a band? Like… The Beatles?” Bruce asked in shock.

“Cap and I fell out, hard. We’re not on speaking terms.” Tony told you. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Tony, listen to me. Thor’s gone-”

“ _Don’t_ say that. Not until we know.” you said sharply, cutting across Bruce.

“Right, yeah. But Thanos is coming. It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to or not.” Bruce finished.

Tony hesitated for a second before pulling out an old flip phone and flicking it open. Before he could take any further action, an unusual rumbling noise distracted him. You heard it too, looking up in confusion.

“Say Doc, you wouldn’t happen to be moving your hair, would you?” Tony asked Strange. You looked over to Strange and sure enough the lock of his hair which fell over his forehead was fluttering.

“Not at the moment, no.” Strange replied, frowning up at his forehead.

Tony moved towards the front door and you all followed him, halting as he yanked the door open. Outside, it was chaos.

Debris was flying about everywhere; people were running down the street screaming and shouting, traffic lined the street as people abandoned their vehicles and chose to run instead and litter was whirling through the air so thickly that it was almost difficult to see.

The five of you spilled out on to the street into the chaos, and a woman tripped and fell at Tony’s feet. He reached to help her up.

“You okay?”

The woman ignored him, either having not heard him or too hysterical to answer as she continued to run down the street. A second after a car crashed into the pole next to you, making you jump.

“Help him! Wong, Doc.” Tony said, starting up the street.

“Go, I’ve got it.” Bruce said.

Tony pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, “FRIDAY, what am I looking at?”

You couldn’t hear the AI’s response in the din that surrounded you as you made your way up the street behind Tony.

“Hey! You might wanna put that Time stone in your back pocket Doc!” Tony shouted to Strange. Your heart stopped, that meant that Thanos was here.

Strange strode past you, bands of magic encasing his forearms, “Might wanna use it.” he replied.

The strange rumbling noise which you now recognized to be of mechanical origin grew louder as you reached the end of the street and turned the corner. A gigantic, circular ship was floating over Bleecker Street. You stopped in your tracks.

“FRIDAY, evac anyone south of 43rd Street, notify first responders.” Tony said, seemingly unperturbed by the enormous spaceship descending in front of you.

Strange performed some sort of magic spell which made the dust settle as two figures appeared, presumably by transmat, from the ship. One of which you realised to be Ebony Maw. You reached for your sword as a reflex, before realising you hadn’t picked it up when Thanos had attacked the refugee ship. Suddenly you felt very exposed. But not one bit less furious.

“Kid, no.” Tony hissed, throwing an arm out to hold you back as you tried to advance past him.

“I’ll kill him.” you snarled, your magic burning at your hands; Tony looked sideways at you in shock.

“Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful that your meaningless lives are now contributing to…”

“I’m sorry, Earth is closed today.” Tony interrupted Maw’s monologue defiantly.

Ebony Maw looked towards Strange, “Stonekeeper, does this chattering animal speak for you?” he asked, gesturing towards Tony.

“Certainly not. I speak for myself.” Strange said, stepping forward and bumping his fists together to create a magical shield, “But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.” Behind him, Wong emulated his actions.

“It means get lost, Squidward!” Tony yelled.

“He exhausts me.” Maw sighed, and the hulking figure behind him who you also recognized from the ship spoke two syllables which you didn’t understand.

“Bring me the stone.” Maw instructed him. That you could understand, and so, it seemed, could the massive creature. It dropped its huge malicious looking hammer and dragged it along behind him as it advanced towards you.

“Banner, you want a piece?” Tony asked Bruce, who had just rejoined you.

“No, not really, but when do I ever get what I want?” Bruce sighed.

“That’s right.” Tony nodded.

Bruce closed his eyes and attempted to release the Hulk. It didn’t look like it was working.

You turned your attention to Ebony Maw instead, you met your gaze as he looked at you. A sickening smile, if you could call it a smile, spread across his face as he spotted you.

“Where’s your guy?” Tony was asking Bruce.

“I don’t know, we’ve sort of been havin’ a thing.” Bruce grunted, concentrating.

“There’s no time for a thing.” Tony said.

“I _know._ ”

_So this is where the watchman sent you. He died so that you and your green friend could live._

Maw’s voice echoed around your head. It was an entirely unpleasant sensation; different in all aspects to what Loki’s voice sounded like in your head. Heimdall was dead because of you.

 _Your trickster_ _is dead._

Your chest tightened with each breath you took.

_No he isn’t._

_You wait for a sign that he is truly gone: this is it. I watched him die._

“Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.” Tony was saying in annoyance to Bruce.

You stared at Maw with burning hatred, every muscle in your body tensed, wishing you could see into his mind like you could with everyone else.

_You wish to read my mind? Very well._

You were powerless to resist as images from Maw’s mind flooded your own.

Images of Loki as Thanos picked him up by the throat, choking the life out of him, killing him. Thor, incarcerated behind the Titan and helpless to do anything but watch, tears running down his face.

Images of Loki lying dead and bloody on the floor, his eyes open and glassy, staring blankly into nothingness.

Maw released you from his mind and you staggered, but managed to stay upright. You thought Tony might have said something to you, but you couldn’t be sure. There was a loud ringing in your ears, and the sound of your heartbeat as you gasped for air. You turned your face slowly back to the alien.

You’d heard of the saying ‘red mist descending’ before. Up until this moment you’d never experienced it.

Your mist wasn’t red.

It was purple.


	69. Peter Parker

You launched yourself at Maw, a raw, furious scream tearing itself from your throat as you flew towards him surrounded by a pulsing field of magic, the strength of which you’d never felt anything like before.

You were going to kill him.

Maw looked shocked for a second, before quickly regaining his composure and throwing his arms up to create a shield with a spike he pulled from the earth. You smashed through it effortlessly and grabbed him by the throat, slamming him to the floor.

_He. Is. Not. Dead._

You punctuated each word with a fist to his chest, face and torso, your magic surging from you and pinning him to the floor until he found the strength to shove you away from him, hard. Incensed as you were, he was a hundred times more powerful than you.

You were thrown backwards through the air and slammed into the wall of a building. The breath was knocked out of you as you fell to the floor.

Maw got up and flew down the street towards Strange, barely giving you a second glance. You struggled to your feet.

“Kid! What the hell was that?! Are you okay?” Tony yelled, landing next to you in his Iron Man suit. You couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, unable to rid your mind of the blank expression on Loki’s face.

“Kid?”

“I’m fine, let’s go.” you managed, pointing down the street. Maw couldn’t be allowed to get his hands on the Time stone. Tony hesitated, then picked you up and flew after him, dodging the obstacles which were being flung back towards you, until the huge creature with the hammer made a reappearance and knocked you off course with an almighty strike of his weapon.

You threw up a shield of magic around yourself and Tony as you smashed into and then out the other side of a building, ending up slamming into the base of a tree in a park.

Bruce rushed over to you.

“Guys, you okay? How are we doing? Good? Bad?”

“Really, really good. Really good. Do you plan on helping out?” Tony asked, getting up gingerly and pulling you to your feet.

“I’m trying, he won’t come out.” Bruce said in defeat.

“Uh, that thing with the hammer is back.” you informed Tony, gasping for breath and pointing across the park as the creature lobbed its hammer towards you.

“Hammer.” Tony said, shoving Bruce out of the way and sending an energy beam towards the creature, which deflected off its shield and sliced down a load of trees, one of which you and Bruce barely evaded being crushed by.

“Come on Hulk, what are you doing to me? Come out! Come out!” Bruce yelled, lying on the floor and slapping himself across the face as you struggled to your feet, casting around for Tony.

You spotted him a few feet away, having just been knocked down by the huge creature who looked like he was about to deliver a decisive blow to Tony’s head. Barely having enough time to lift your hands, you were relieved when the hammer was halted in its tracks by a small figure dressed in red and blue gear. From where you were stood you couldn’t see the spider painted across the front of the kid’s chest.

“Hey man, what’s up Mr. Stark?” the kid said cheerfully, as though he wasn’t wrestling with one of Thanos’ minions.

“Kid, where’d you come from?” Tony asked. You stared at him indignantly. _Kid_? That was _your_ nickname! Where had this child come from indeed?

“Field trip to MoMA.” the kid said, before being picked up and flung away by the creature with a yell. You took your opportunity to blast the creature with your magic, throwing him backwards into a tree which was torn from the ground as it smashed into it.

“What’s this guy’s problem Mr. Stark?” the kid asked, swinging back towards you unharmed, suspended from what looked like _web_.

“He’s from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.” Tony explained, but the kid wasn’t listening anymore, having just caught sight of you as you jogged towards Tony.

“Whoa… you’re Y/N!” the kid said in awe. His face was hidden by his mask, but his voice betrayed his amazement. You stared at him in confusion, and then looked over his shoulder as the creature dragged itself back to its feet.

“Uh yeah. Hello.” you replied, helping Tony to his feet.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Mr. Thor, and Loki?” he asked you, suffused with amazement and innocence. The image of Loki, dead, shot to the front of your subconscious. Your throat closed over again; you looked to Tony for help, but he was looking at Bruce who was still sat on the floor yelling obscenities at Hulk.

“I’m Peter, Peter Parker. I like your cape.” the kid said, holding out his hand to you, seemingly unbothered by your lack of answers.

“Thanks. Nice to meet you.” you replied, your voice thick with pent-up emotion, shaking his hand and then moving him behind you as the creature approached again. Just then, an unconscious Strange shot through the air in front of you, heading towards the ship.

“No.” you breathed, teleporting after him in an instant, not hanging about to listen to Tony telling you to be careful. Maw was following closely behind Strange on a flying piece of debris. You didn’t hesitate before teleporting right next to him, trying for a surprise attack, but he saw you coming and wiped you out with a simple wave of his hand, sending you crashing into another building.

It took you a few seconds to right yourself again, and then you teleported shakily back towards Strange and Maw. You arrived just in time to see Maw bend a utility pole to snag Strange’s levitating cloak, ripping it loose of its master.

The wizard plummeted towards the ground, but Peter swung in out of nowhere to catch him before you’d even thought about teleporting again. You were starting to feel really dizzy.

Suddenly Peter and Strange were encased in a vertical tunnel of blue light which started pulling them upwards towards the huge circular ship. You didn’t think twice before throwing yourself into it after Strange and the Time stone.

“Uhh, Mr. Stark? I’m being beamed up!” Peter yelled. You tried to grab at him; if you could reach him you could teleport you both inside the ship and hide from Maw.

“Y/N, you’re here too!”

“Yeah, try and grab hold!” you said, reaching towards him in vain. You were rising into the air at an alarming speed.

Maw and Strange had disappeared inside the ship, and then the blue beam which had been pulling you upwards disappeared. For a split second you both seemed to be suspended in space, and then you began to fall, hundreds of feet above the ground.

You flailed as you fell, gaining speed and trying to reach for Peter, knowing that every second that you fell you were getting further from the ship and it would be much harder for you to teleport back up… finally you managed to grab his hand.

Closing your eyes, you pictured the ship far above you, and teleported.

You hit solid metal and cried out in relief, before opening your eyes and realising that you’d only managed to get you to the _outside_ of the ship.

“ _Shit_!” Peter swore, clinging on to you for dear life. You held him tightly, unsure whether you could carry on holding on, let alone teleport again to actually get _inside_ of the ship.

“But you said save the wizard!” Peter yelled, talking to Tony through his suit.

“Is Tony coming?” you asked in relief. Peter nodded and then reached up to tear his mask off, “I can’t breathe!” You were feeling really quite lightheaded, but it was nothing to do with lack of oxygen, what with you being Asgardian.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Peter gasped, talking to Tony again, before swaying dangerously and pulling you both closer to the edge of the ship. Squinting down, you could see something flying towards you at high speed.

It wasn’t Tony as you’d originally thought, but a suit for Peter, who incidentally had just passed out. You clung on to him with one arm until the suit was almost at your level, and then, ignoring every instinct in your body, let Peter fall from your arms.

You stayed just long enough to make sure that the suit caught him, and then squeezed your eyes shut.

 _One last time_.

Then you teleported again, your feet hit solid ground and you promptly passed out.

…

When you opened your eyes, it took you several seconds to work out where you were. The minute you remembered the events of the past day you sat up abruptly, fighting not to throw up violently.

Before you even allowed yourself to think about Loki you scrambled to your feet and looked around at your surroundings. Loki _wasn’t_ dead, and that was all there was to it. Maw had just been toying with you, and for that you were going to make him pay.

The initial anger you’d felt burned bright before fizzing out into almost nothing, quickly turning into fear. You were on an alien spaceship headed to who knew where, but definitely towards Thanos, with a mind reading evil alien and a wizard who held an Infinity stone.

 _Shit_ , the Time stone. You’d been so wrapped up in your own problems you’d forgotten the entire reason you were on the ship in the first place. Strange, you needed to find Strange. Hopefully Maw didn’t have backup; you weren’t sure if you could take him on by yourself, let alone him and any others.

Reaching for your sword to find nothing yet again, you sighed and closed your eyes, reaching out for thoughts, any thoughts…

You heard Strange first: he was in intense pain. Then you heard another panicked mind, but it wasn’t Maw as you’d been expecting. It was Tony. You didn’t give it a second thought before teleporting to him.

“I don’t wanna hear it-”

The look on Tony’s face when he saw you was not the happy or relieved one you’d been expecting. He looked _terrified_. You turned to your left to see Peter in his new suit looking vaguely concerned.

“Hey Y/N.” he said.

_Not my kids. Please, god, not my kids._

Your heart contracted as you heard Tony’s loud, horrified thoughts. You looked back to him, only now clocking Strange’s levitating cloak hovering behind him.

“What are you _doing_ here?” Tony asked you.

“Well, it was this or fall to my death, so I thought…”

“ _Don’t_ get smart with me right now Y/N.”

You bit your lip as he turned away from you and Peter, closing his eyes and running his hands through his hair roughly.

“Mr. Stark, I’m sorry, it was such a long way down and I just thought about you on the way…” Peter piped up.

“And now I gotta hear it.” Tony snapped, turning back to you both. The cloak behind him seemed to shake its collar in sympathy and then shrugged. You stared at it.

“Well I kinda stuck to the side of the ship. And this suit is ridiculously intuitive, by the way, so if anything it’s kinda your fault that I’m here.” Peter continued. You, Tony and the cloak all looked at Peter sharply. Was he _trying_ to make Tony feel worse?

“What did you just say?” Tony asked, his voice dangerously low like you’d never heard it before; his expression grim.

“I take that back.” Peter said hastily, “And now I’m here in space.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, crossing to stand right in front of Peter, who was now looking full of regret, “right where I don’t want you to be.”

You felt the sharp pang of hurt which Peter felt at Tony’s words. He really cared about what Tony thought about him; they were close. You tried not to feel jealous, aware that it was ridiculous. 

“This isn’t Coney Island. This isn’t a fieldtrip. It’s a one-way ticket. You hear me? Don’t pretend like you thought this through. You could not have possibly thought this through.”

“No, I did think this through.” Peter argued.

“Peter-” you said gently, trying to move Tony away from him. He wasn’t having any of it.

“You could not have _possibly_ thought this through.” Tony snapped, “And you!” he continued, turning on you, “I thought you had more common sense.”

“My common sense told me that if we don’t keep this stone from Thanos, half of the universe is going to be wiped out.” you argued.

“ _What_?!” Peter exclaimed.

Tony gestured at Peter dramatically and then gave you a sarcastic thumbs up.

“Good job, now you’ve freaked the kid out.”

“I’m not freaking out, I just- did you say half the _universe_? Who- who’s Thanos?” Peter stammered. You felt bad.

“We’ll talk about it later.” Tony waved him away, walking away to the edge of the platform that you were stood on and looking down at something below.

“Ignore him. He’s just worried about you because he cares.” you told Peter, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Did you read his mind? Are you reading mine?” he asked you, looking vaguely panicked. You smiled and shook your head.

“I don’t need to read his mind to see that he cares about you.”

Peter nodded, and stood a little straighter.


	70. Saving Strange

“Come here, we got a situation.” Tony said, beckoning you and Peter over to where he was standing.

You looked down to see Ebony Maw interrogating Doctor Strange, who was floating above the ground horizontally, face down, surrounded by dozens of glassy needles which were each about two feet long. The levitating cloak was hovering, quite clearly anxious, behind you.

Tony took a deep breath.

“See him, down there? He’s in trouble. What’s your plan? Go.” he said to Peter.

“Um. Okay… okay. Did you ever see this really old movie, Alien?” Peter asked you and Tony. Tony shook his head and you shrugged apologetically.

“Really, aw man, you should see it, it’s so great…” Peter trailed off at the look on Tony’s face.

“Okay, anyway. Here’s what I’m trying to say.”

Peter quickly explained his plan, which was crazy and dangerous but was better than anything you could come up with. Tony seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

“Well, no time like the present.” Tony said, and dropped down off of your platform to the ground, landing behind Ebony Maw. You and Peter watched as they exchanged some words that you couldn’t hear, and then Maw began to summon large metal objects to float menacingly behind him.

Tony said something sharp, and then raised a hand to blast a huge hole in the wall behind Maw. Immediately everything, including you, Peter and Strange, was sucked towards the opening in the side of the ship. The pole you had been planning on grabbing hold of for stability proved extremely unhelpful almost instantly, snapping off in your hand and flying towards the hole, along with you.

Strange had been pulled free of the needles Maw had been torturing him with, but he was now heading towards the hole in the side of the ship, helpless to resist. His cloak tried in vain to hold him back, but Strange’s arm slid loose and he continued towards the gaping hole. You teleported towards a sturdier looking pole on the other side of the ship, grabbing on to it and twisting your head to try and see what was going on behind you.

Just as you were coming up with a hasty plan to teleport to Strange and back over to the pole with him, Peter shot a strand of web towards the wizard from one hand and shot another towards a piece of the ship behind him, straining to hold the two together.

The strand of web connected to the wall quivered and then snapped, and you gasped as both Peter and Strange flew towards the hole. As they reached the very edge of the ship Peter grabbed hold of Strange, and then eight metal spider-like legs shot out from the back of Peter’s suit, bracing against the wall around the hole to stop the two of them from being sucked out.

“Yes! Wait, what are those?!” Peter yelled. The legs bent in a crouch, and then straightened to make a huge leap back into the ship. Tony immediately used something in his suit to spray the hole, and it sealed back up instantly. You fell to the floor, and when you looked up Strange was on the floor too. Peter had landed on his feet, next to the levitating cloak.

“Hey, we haven’t officially met.” he said, offering the cape his hand. The cape ignored him and floated over to Strange, who was getting to his feet, and attached itself back to his shoulders.

“Cool.” Peter said. You stared at him in confusion and amazement. He had to be sixteen, if not fifteen, and he was dealing with being stranded in space and almost having just died extremely well. Maybe he was in shock. As you got to your feet you were met with the sight of Ebony Maw floating, quite dead, outside of the ships window.

You turned away.

“We’ve gotta turn this ship around.” Strange said. Not even a ‘thank you’? Wow, Tony was going to love that. You walked towards them slowly.

“Yeah. Now he wants to run. Great plan.” Tony said. You sighed, knowing where this was headed.

“No, I want to protect the stone.” Strange replied, gesturing to the Time stone, which was still mercifully around his neck.

“And I want you to thank me now. Go ahead, I’m listening.” Tony snapped. You opened your mouth to intervene but Tony pointed at you and glared, “Don’t get involved.”

“Thank you for what? Nearly blasting me into space?” Strange scoffed as Tony walked past him to look out of the front window of the ship which encompassed the entire front wall.

“Who just saved your magical ass? Me.” Tony stated.

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.”

“Admit it. You should have ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.” Tony retorted.

“What, you think you’d be better off if you were up here on your own?” you scorned, unable to stay out of it. He was being irrational.

“I thought I told you not to get involved.” Tony said to you heatedly.

“I am involved. I’m here, we all are.” you told him. He seemed to soften slightly as he looked at you and Peter.

“Unlike everyone else in your life, I don’t work for you.” Strange said harshly, and, in your opinion, very unnecessarily.

“And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying doughnut _billions_ of miles away from Earth with no backup.” Tony shot back.

“I’m backup.” Peter said, raising his hand. 

“No. You’re a stowaway, and so are you.” he said, pointing at you, “The adults are talking.”

You bristled with indignation.

“I’m sorry, I’m confused as to the relationships here. I would have thought she was your kid if she weren’t Asgardian, but what is he, your ward?” Strange asked, pointing first to you and then to Peter. Tony looked at Strange, then at you, swallowing hard.

“No… I’m Peter, by the way.” Peter said.

“Doctor Strange.” the wizard replied.

“Oh, we’re using our made-up names. Um, I’m Spider-Man, then.” Peter told him as Tony walked away. Strange frowned.

“This ship is self-correcting its course. Thing’s on autopilot.” Tony informed you all; you crossed to stand next to him at the front of the ship.

“Can we control it? Fly us home?” Strange asked, joining the two of you. Tony didn’t reply, his eyes glazing over.

“Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get us home?”

“Yeah I heard you. I’m thinking… I’m not so sure we should.” Tony said slowly.

“Under _no_ circumstances can we bring the Time stone to Thanos. I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.” Strange stressed.

“No. It's _you_ who doesn't understand that Thanos has been inside my head for _six years_ since he sent an army to New York and now he's _back!_ And I don't know what to do. So I'm not so _sure_ if it's a better plan to fight him on our turf or his but you saw what they did, what they can do. At least on his turf, he's not expecting it. So _I_ say we take the fight to him, _doctor_. Do you concur?”

You stared at Tony in concern and sympathy. He was really panicking. You weren’t sure why you weren’t. Maybe _you_ were in shock. Strange seemed to be considering what Tony had said.

“Alright Stark. We go to him. But you have to understand… if it comes to saving you or either of those two or the Time stone I will not hesitate to let any of you die. I can’t, because the fate of the universe depends on it.” Strange finally said, gesturing to you and Peter as he spoke.

“Nice. Good. Moral compass. We’re straight.” Tony said, before walking briskly over to Peter. When he was in front of him he tapped each of Peter’s shoulders with the edge of his hand, dubbing him as though he was knighting him.

“Alright kid, you’re an Avenger now.”

Peter looked at Tony in disbelief, his expression utterly betraying the rollercoaster of emotions Tony’s words had sent him on.

“You, come with me. We need to have a chat about that ring on your finger.” Tony said, beckoning you over to him as he walked past Peter. Strange looked down at your hand in surprise.

“Congratulations.” he said. Your windpipe seemed to just cease working every time you thought about Loki. You tried to thank Strange but couldn’t get the words out, nodding empathically instead before following Tony past Peter, who watched you go.

Tony flew back up to the platform you’d been stood on with him and Peter earlier, and you teleported after him. He sat down heavily on the floor and patted the space beside him; you sat next to him.

“What an afternoon.” he sighed, looking at his transponder which showed a black screen.

“Does Pep know you’re up here?” you asked gently.

“Yeah.”

He didn’t elaborate.

“So,” he finally said, holding his hand out towards you, palm up, “Let’s see the damage.”

“Damage?” you protested, giving him your hand with the ring on it. Tony didn’t immediately respond, staring at the ring for a few seconds before nodding in… reluctance? Approval?

“Where have you been?” he asked, letting go of your hand. You shook your head.

“You go first. Why did the Avengers break up? Why are you and Steve not talking? Where are the others?”

Tony sighed.

“It’s kinda a long story.”

“I haven’t got anywhere to be.” you told him, even managing half a smile.

And so Tony told you everything. He’d been right, it was a long story, and not one you particularly enjoyed listening to. The fact that half of the team were literal _fugitives_ was something that you couldn’t wrap your head around.

“I would have been on your side.” you told him, when he was finished. A badly disguised smile spread across his face at your words.

“I thought you might have been. Okay, your turn.” he said. You spent a few seconds trying to work out how to put all that had happened since Sokovia into words.

“We were on Asgard. Loki got rid of Odin and took over the throne disguised as him.”

Tony stared at you.

“Got rid of him?”

“He didn’t _kill_ him. He just stripped him of his powers and put him in an old peoples home in New York.” you told him. Tony actually laughed.

“ _Odin_ was in a nursing home in New York. I wish Fury could hear this, he’d love it.”

“Or not.” you smiled.

“So you co-ruled Asgard for a bit. What next?” Tony asked, shaking his head disbelievingly.

“Thor found us, this was only about two days ago. We took him to find Odin on Midgard but he wasn’t there, and then our wizard friend down there kidnapped Loki so Thor and I went to find him.” you told him, gesturing down towards Strange, who was looking out of the window at space.

“He said he would take us to Odin if we took Loki straight back to Asgard, we found Odin, he died and then Thor and Loki’s evil sister appeared and tried to kill us all.”

“ _Whoa_ , back up.” Tony said in shock.

“It all happened pretty quickly.”

“How did Odin die?” he asked.

“He just kind of… dissolved into sparkles.” you replied. Tony stopped asking questions after that. You described your journey to Asgard, then Sakaar, finding Bruce and the Quinjet, and then your journey back to Asgard, and the fight against Hela. Your escape, Asgard’s destruction, and then Thanos.

“He tortured me. Loki gave him the stone.” you said, your voice barely a whisper at this point in the story. Tony put his arm around you.

“Heimdall, he’s kind of like the gatekeeper of Asgard, sent Bruce and I back to Midgard, and that’s how we wound up at Strange’s place. He’s dead now too.” you finished, resting your head heavily on Tony’s shoulder, trying not to listen to the thoughts he was having.

“What was that about earlier? With our alien friend… you went sorta feral on him.” Tony asked.

“He showed me… in my mind I mean… Loki. Dead. Thanos had killed him.” you told him. He didn’t immediately respond.

“So… is he really…?”

“I don’t know. I don’t see how he couldn’t be, but… I also haven’t felt anything.”

Tony shifted slightly.

“You know, kid... I know people say that when someone close to you dies you can feel it… but I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

You exhaled through your mouth, smiling: a laugh, if a morbid one.

“No, it’s different. Loki and I are soulmates; when I died and you brought me back Loki said he knew I was dead.” you explained.

“I remember Thor saying something ages ago about soulmates. I thought that was just some Asgardian bullcrap.” Tony said.

“So did I.” you smiled.

“What about Mr. Thor? Is he alive?” Peter asked, swinging up over the edge of the platform, underneath which he’d presumably been hanging to eavesdrop.

“Peter!” Tony said accusingly, “You shouldn’t eavesdrop.”

“There’s nothing else to do.” he complained. Tony gave you a squeeze and then removed his arm from around you, standing up awkwardly in his suit.

“You want to save your strength. Who knows what we might be up against, and when.” he told Peter.

“I’ll be down there if you need me.”

With that he flew down towards Strange. Peter sat down opposite and watched you for a while.

“Can I see your magic?”

You smiled, summoning the purple mist to your hands and watching it swirl above and around your hands.

“ _Whoa_.” Peter breathed, leaning forward to get a closer look.

“Was teleporting up to an alien spaceship whilst free falling five hundred feet above the ground not a good enough look for you?” you teased. He looked worried for a second, and then his face broke out into a grin when he saw you were smiling.

“I’m kinda a science nerd, so this stuff is really cool for me.” he told you.

“You wanna teleport again?”

“Uh, yeah!”


	71. Titan

Your demonstration to Peter didn’t last very long; Tony intervened after about five minutes (“What did I _just_ tell you about saving your strength?”), so you sat and talked with Peter for a while instead. He had a _lot_ of questions. You didn’t mind. You were tired, but the thought of lying down and closing your eyes for a prolonged period of time when you had… _that_ image of Loki in your mind didn’t overly appeal to you.

Peter asked you what it had been like living in the tower with the team for a year. What was Mr. Thor like, was it true that he loved pop tarts? (Yes.) Was Black Widow really as mean as everyone made her out to be? (No, but don’t tell her I said that.) Did Hawkeye really like to sit in the air vents? (No, you weren’t sure where he’d heard that, although it did make you laugh.) What was Captain America like? (A gentleman, who didn’t look his age.) What was Asgard like? (Amazing. Indescribable. Gone.) On and on the questions went, distracting your mind pleasantly and taking you back to simpler days.

You weren’t sure how long you sat and talked for, but when you finally stopped talking it was because you were approaching the surface of a planet. Tony and Strange were at the front of the ship.

“Come on.” you said to Peter, standing up and teleporting down to stand next to Tony. Peter swung down and landed in between you and Strange.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“I think we’re here.” Strange said.

“I don’t think this thing has a self-park function.” Tony muttered. Then he pointed to the big metal structure nearest to Peter, “Get your hand into this steering gimbal. Close those around it. You understand?”

Peter put his hand into the contraption and frowned, closing it around his arm.

“Yep, got it.”

“This was meant for one big guy, so we gotta move at the same time.” Tony instructed, looking out of the window at the planet which you were swiftly approaching; the surface of which was covered in what looked like a load of gigantic metal jacks, or starfish.

“Okay. Okay. Ready.” Peter said, setting his jaw in resolve. You looked at Strange; he looked vaguely concerned. The ship was heading straight towards one of the enormous starfish structures.

“We might wanna turn. Turn! _Turn! Turn!_ ” Peter yelled urgently. The ship swung to the right as Peter and Tony moved, but from the immense _crunch_ and the alarming manner in which the ship then veered forwards, you imagined that they probably hadn’t turned soon enough. Tony’s helmet shot up around his face, as did Peter’s, and Strange stepped forward to create a shield around the four of you, clearly anticipating a rough landing. You followed suit, reinforcing the shield with your magic.

Strange threw you a look which told you that he thought your magic was useless compared to his.

“Better safe than sorry.” you muttered, before lurching forward as the ship smashed into the ground, ploughing through the dirt until it came to an unsteady halt, leaning dangerously to one side. The ship creaked and sparked worryingly… and then all was still.

Tony’s helmet came down again as Strange helped him to his feet, panting slightly from the exertion of trying to steer the ship.

“You alright? That was close.” Tony said, looking at Strange and then over his shoulder to check that you and Peter were alright.

“Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something, and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.” Peter said. You frowned.

Tony pointed at Peter, “I don’t wanna hear another pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?”

“I’m trying to say that something is coming.” Peter explained, looking over your shoulder. You spun around just in time for a grenade to roll across the floor and stop at your feet; there was barely time to blink, let alone do anything to stop it from detonating.

You, Peter, Tony and Strange were thrown backwards as the energy pulse hit; you hit the front window of the ship hard and fell to the ground, winded.

“THANOS!” an unfamiliar voice bellowed, and then a blade flew through the air towards Strange, who deflected it skilfully and sent his cloak flying towards the attacker. You struggled to your feet, gasping for breath, just in time to see Tony getting attacked by some dude in a creepy mask, the eyes of which glowed red. The creepy mask dude slammed something on to Tony’s chest, which was obviously magnetic because then he was stuck to the wall. You hastened towards him, but were side-tracked when you saw Peter scrambling away from a half human, half bug lady with huge, black eyes and _antennae_.

“Whoa, _whoa_ , please don’t put your eggs in me!” Peter yelled in panic, shooting web at her and pinning her arms to her side as you raised your hands, magic at the ready. Then the guy in the red mask flew in from nowhere, kicking Peter hard and slamming him to the ground.

“Stay down, clown!” the guy yelled. You blasted him with magic, sending him flying backwards into a wall with a thud, and then hurried to help Peter to his feet.

“You okay?” you asked, before suddenly an electric like cord wrapped around your legs and pulled, sending you crashing down to the ground with a furious yell. Then the guy with the mask was stood over you, pulling you to your feet and holding a gun to your head.

Tony had obviously pulled himself free from the wall, because now he was stood with one foot on a large alien with blue skin, the one who had thrown the dagger at Strange. A quick glance around told you it was only the three of them. Good. Strange was stood nearby with a shield of golden energy up; Peter was stood just to your right and the weird bug lady was next to him, her arms still stuck to her sides.

“Alright, everybody stay where you are… chill the _eff_ out.” the guy holding the gun to your head demanded, reaching up to release his mask, “I’m gonna ask you this one time. Where’s Gamora?”

You frowned. Gamora? Tony had the same look of confusion on his face as he deactivated his helmet.

“Yeah, I’ll do you one better. _Who’s_ Gamora?” he said angrily.

“I’ll do _you_ one better. _Why_ is Gamora?” the blue dude underneath Tony’s foot said aggressively. Everyone turned to look at him in confusion, even the guy behind you and bug lady.

“Tell me where the girl is, or I swear to you, I’m gonna French-fry this little witch.” the guy behind you said, pressing the gun firmly against your head. Little _witch_?

“Let’s do it! You shoot my girl, I blast him. Let’s go!” Tony asserted, extending an evil looking gun from the end of one of the arms of his suit towards the blue guy’s face beneath him. You assumed that Tony knew you were capable of disarming the guy behind you without getting hurt if he did try to shoot you.

“Do it Quill! I can take it.” the alien beneath Tony’s foot yelled, gritting his teeth.

“No! He can’t take it!” the bug lady shouted.

“She’s right. You can’t.” Strange said, completely deadpan.

“Oh yeah? You don’t wanna tell me where she is? That’s _fine_ , I’ll kill all three of you and _beat_ it out of Thanos myself. Startin’ with you.” Quill said aggressively to the group, and then you, tightening his hold on you.

“Wait, wait! Thanos?” you asked, trying to pull away from him so you could see his face.

Strange was shaking his head in confusion.

“Alright, let me ask you this one time: what master do you serve?” he asked, looking at Quill.

“What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say to that, Jesus?” Quill replied scornfully.

Your eyes widened.

“You’re from Midg- Earth?” you asked incredulously, twisting in his grasp to get a better look at his face. He looked human, but then, so did you.

“I’m not from Earth, I’m from Missouri.” Quill ridiculed you.

“Yeah, that’s _on_ Earth, dipshit.” Tony replied disbelievingly, “What are you hassling us for?”

“So, you’re not with Thanos?” Peter asked from next to you.

“ _With_ Thanos?! No, I’m here to kill Thanos! He took my girl- wait, who are you?” Quill asked in total confusion.

“We’re the Avengers, man.” Peter said, letting his helmet down.

“Oh.” Quill said.

“You’re the ones Thor told us about!” bug lady said. You heart flew to your mouth.

“Thor?” you said urgently, shoving Quill away from you and tripping forwards in your haste to get towards the bug lady, “You know Thor? You’ve seen him? He’s alive?” you asked, searching her face for answers.

“Yeah. Tall guy, not that good looking.” Quill said, shrugging. You turned to him instead to see Peter giving him an incredulous look, “Needed saving.”

“Saving… saving from what?” you asked desperately.

“Well, uh, he was kinda…”

This was taking too long. You went into Quill’s mind, pushing past his overwhelming worry about some green lady, through to Thor. They’d picked him up after finding him floating in space; he’d been distressed, obviously… _ugh_ , you couldn’t get anything useful from this, all you felt was Quill’s jealousy towards Thor.

You retreated from his mind and looked back towards bug lady, leaving Quill swaying and clutching his head.

“What was _that_? Hey, girl, you can’t just-”

“Did he say anything about Loki?” you asked frantically.

The bug lady just looked at you in confusion.

“Hey! I was talking to you!” Quill yelled, stepping towards you. You blasted him with magic, sending him flying backwards away from you, not taking your eyes from the bug lady. The blue alien Tony had been stood on roared in outrage and started towards you, but Tony held him back.

“Kid-” Tony said, wrestling with the blue guy.

“His brother. He didn’t say anything about..?” you trailed off. The alien’s face had dropped at your mention of the word ‘brother’.

“What? What did say…?” you whispered, searching her face, your heart beating three times as fast as usual.

“Your father killed my brother.” she recited nervously.

You swayed on the spot, your brain unable to process the sentence. Whose father? _Killed my brother_ …

“Whose father?” you managed to croak after a few seconds.

“Gamora’s father, Thanos.”

Quill came flying back towards you with a yell, but before he could collide with you, you teleported outside the ship, gasping for breath. Maw hadn’t been lying.

You stepped forward unsteadily, reaching for a nearby rock, but before you could make it your knees gave out and you thudded to the ground. The unexpected pressure provoked an unintentional sob from deep within your chest, and once you started you couldn’t stop, pressing a hand to your mouth to try and muffle the sound.

It didn’t work. You cast a shield of magic around yourself almost subconsciously, one which was thick enough so that no sound could penetrate it, and allowed the scream of desperation and grief which had been sat in your chest for the last few hours to escape. It didn’t make you feel better.

Your chest had been tight since you’d left Midgard, and you felt physically ill, maybe that was what ‘the feeling’ would be for you. You grit your teeth and screwed your eyes shut, hunching over, trying not to see the image of Loki that Maw had shown you. He hadn’t been lying, it had been a clear memory that he’d projected into your mind.

Sobs wracked your entire body and you struggled to draw a breath. You needed to _know_.

After a few minutes you got your breathing back under control, but stayed kneeling on the ground, unsure if you could get up again. The mist around you shimmered and faded; you felt weak and completely drained. This whole thing was pointless, Thanos was going to get the stones, he was the most powerful being in the universe. And there were just seven of you to protect the Time stone.

And Loki was dead. All the evidence pointed towards it.

“Kid?”

Tony’s voice almost tipped you over the edge again, but you held on.

“Y/N, get up. Come here.” Tony said, his hand on your shoulder. You slowly got to your feet, your magic burning so hard in your eyes that you had to blink a few times to stop everything from appearing purple. Tony held you before him by the shoulders.

“Did you feel anything yet?” he asked, referring to the soulmate connection between you and Loki.

You shook your head.

“Then there’s hope. Right?” he asked. He didn’t think Loki was dead, but he was mainly saying this to you because he needed you to be ready to fight. You smirked through the fresh tears which pricked at your eyes. Tony looked at you, then sighed.

“I forgot about the whole mind reading thing. Sorry.” he said apologetically.

“It’s alright. You’re right.” you said, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

“He’s been dead before.” Tony reminded you. You gave a half laugh, half sob, and nodded.

“Twice.” you added.

“That’s the spirit.” he said, pulling you towards him for a hug.

“It’s not quite the same with your suit on.” you told him, tapping your knuckles against the hard, metal exterior of the Iron Man suit.

“No, you’re right. I’ll give you a proper hug when we’re out of this mess and back on Earth, alright? Sorry, _Midgard_.” he told you.

You smiled painfully, wiping at your eyes with the hem of your cape.

“Deal.”


	72. Flash Gordon

You returned back to the group with Tony, who were all now stood outside the ship, making your way over to Quill who glared at you and then looked away.

“Look, I’m sorry. It’s been a rough couple of days.” you said to him.

“Yeah, I figured.” Quill scowled, but then held out his hand, “I’m Star Lord, but call me Quill.”

“Y/N.” you said, taking his hand and shaking it, “I’m sorry about Gamora.”

“Yeah, well. I’ll find her.” he replied determinedly, “And I’m sorry about… the brother.”

You nodded in thanks, not knowing quite what to say. Quill looked back at the device he was holding in his hand, shaking it slightly.

“What the heck _happened_ to this planet? It’s eight degrees off its axis; gravitational pull is all over the place.” he muttered. You turned to see the bug lady jumping up and down joyfully in a low gravity spot. Suddenly the blue alien Tony had been stood on was in front of you.

“My name is Drax. That over there is Mantis. You are very powerful and moderately beautiful.” he said, holding out his hand.

“Uh… thanks.” you said, taking his hand and blanching as he bent down to kiss it. Tony raised an eyebrow at you from behind Drax’s back; Quill sighed from behind you.

“Drax, man, stop being weird.”

“I am not! I’m simply paying the lady a compliment.” Drax stated.

“Okay, so,” Tony said loudly, coming to your rescue, “We’ve got one advantage. Thanos is coming to us. We’ll use it. I have a plan… or at least the beginnings of one. It’s pretty simple: we draw him in, pin him down, get what we need. Definitely don’t wanna dance with this guy, we just want the gauntlet.”

You nodded in agreement along with Peter; not seeing Drax who had just broken out into a large yawn.

“Are you _yawning_? In the middle of this, while I’m breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?” Tony asked him in annoyance.

“I stopped listening after you said, ‘We need a plan’.” Drax informed him.

“Okay, Mr. Clean is on his own page.” Tony said to the rest of you in resignation.

“See, ‘not winging it’ isn’t really what they do.” Quill said to Tony.

“Uh, what exactly is it that they do?” Peter asked.

“Kick names. Take ass.” Mantis chimed in, having bounced over to join in the conversation.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Drax agreed, moving to stand next to Mantis in a sort of battle stance. You looked at Tony; upon his face was an expression of deep hopelessness.

“Alright, just get over here, please. Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?”

“‘Mr. Lord’. Star Lord is fine.” Quill scoffed, motioning for Drax and Mantis to come closer.

“We gotta coalesce. ‘Cause if all we come at him with is a plucky attitude…” Tony started.

“Dude, don’t call us plucky. We don’t know what it means. Alright, we’re optimistic, yes. I like your plan… except it sucks, so let _me_ do the plan, and that way it might be really good.” Quill interrupted. Peter’s expression was one of wide-eyed confusion.

“Tell him about the dance-off to save the universe.” Drax said to Quill.

_We’re all going to die here._

You turned to look at Tony in indignation; he just shrugged as though he’d given up.

“What dance off?” Peter asked.

“It’s not a… it’s not… it’s nothing.” Quill stammered, clearly embarrassed.

“Like in Footloose, the movie?” Peter frowned.

Quill’s face lit up in excitement, “Exactly like Footloose! Is it still the greatest movie in history?”

“It never was.” Peter replied. Quill frowned in deep disappointment.

“Hey, don’t encourage this, alright?” Tony told Peter, putting an end to the whole Footloose affair.

“Okay.” Peter said.

“We’re getting no help from Flash Gordon here.” Tony sighed, referring to Quill.

“Flash Gordon? By the way, that’s a compliment. Don’t forget, I’m half human. So that fifty percent of me that’s stupid? That’s one hundred percent you.” Quill argued, pointing at you, Peter and Tony.

“Your math is blowing my mind.” Tony said, right as you muttered “Not human.”

“You’re not human? Makes sense, you have purple eyes.” Quill nodded, looking you up and down.

“Excuse me, but… does your friend often do that?” Mantis piped up.

You looked over to her and then followed her gaze to Strange. The minute you saw him you teleported over to him, hesitating to reach out and touch him. He was sitting cross-legged, floating slightly above the ground; the Time stone was glowing tightly in its case on the chain he wore around his neck, green vapour-like energy flowing from it around him. His cloak was flowing behind him as though the stone was creating a strong breeze, yet you felt nothing. His head was jerking rapidly from side to side, blurring before your eyes: he was looking for something.

“Strange, we alright?” Tony asked, arriving at your side. A second later Strange snapped out of his odd trance, pitching forward with a cry. You and Tony grabbed him before he hit the ground and helped him to sit up.

“You’re back, you’re alright.” Tony said, watching him intently.

“Hey, what was that?” Peter asked from behind you.

“I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.” Strange told you, looking as though he’d just been hit over the head with a large hammer. You didn’t blame him.

“How many did you see?” you asked.

“Fourteen million six hundred and five.” Strange said. Your mouth fell open. Fourteen _million_?

“How many did we win?” Tony asked quietly. Strange looked up at you solemnly, not replying at first. You heard it in his mind before he spoke, stepping backwards in shock.

“One.”

There was a very loud silence.

“What do we do now?” Quill was the first one to speak.

“Wait for Thanos to arrive.” Strange said.

Mantis and Drax moved away to talk, and you, Peter, Strange, Tony and Quill stayed sat on the steps of the destroyed plaza in a shocked silence. The planet must once have been really quite beautiful; you wondered what had happened to it for it to get into the state it was in now.

After a very long time of sitting in silence, there came a sound. Peter heard it first, and then you. It was coming from the sky; a low, quiet rumbling sound.

“What is that?” Quill asked, standing up to squint at the sky. You couldn’t see anything.

“Thanos.” Tony said, making to get to his feet, but Strange shook his head, “No.”

“What do you mean, no?” Tony asked, annoyed, sitting back down again. Finally the source of the noise became clear: it was a small ship flying quite low over the planet’s surface; getting lower.

“There was one thing that happened in every single one of the realities I saw.” Strange said, looking at the ship.

Then he looked at you.

“What?” Tony asked, looking between you and Strange in confusion. You too were confused for about two seconds, and then realisation hit you hard, followed by relief, sweet, _sweet_ , relief, crashing over you like a tidal wave. You looked back towards the ship, which was landing just out of sight, and then back at Strange, who actually smiled at you.

You exhaled heavily, shakily got to your feet and teleported before you’d even stood up properly.

In your dazed state you misjudged by about forty metres and ended up running towards Loki instead as he climbed out of the escape pod which you now recognised from the Sakaarian refugee ship. He teleported and met you half-way, picking you up and spinning you around after you launched yourself at him, preventing you from knocking him to the ground. His relief combined with yours made you feel so lightheaded that for a few moments you couldn’t tell which way was up.

He was here. Nothing else mattered.

You clung to him even after he set you down, relishing the feel of him almost crushing your ribs he was holding you so tightly, the smell of him, the way his hair fell over your head as he held you, _everything_.

_I’m not letting go of you again. Ever._

Loki exhaled swiftly, gripping you tighter.

_I don’t regret letting go of you, I was relieved when Heimdall sent you away. But the minute Thanos was gone I wanted you back again._

“The minute you faked your death again, you mean.” you spoke into his shoulder, your voice thick with emotion.

“How do you know about that?” he asked quickly, pulling away to look at you. At the sight of his face, so concerned and filled with love, all other thoughts fell from your mind and you kissed him, hard. He kissed you back readily, making a noise of content in the back of his throat.

You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. You wouldn’t.

You kept your hands clasped behind the back of his neck as you pulled away; he opened his eyes and looked at you in that piercing way which made your knees go weak.

_I love you._

You’d both thought it at exactly the same time. Simultaneous smiles broke out across your faces; you laughed through your tears. In that moment everything was right in the world.

“That doesn’t get you out of answering my question.” Loki smiled, his voice husky. You laughed, swallowing hard.

“We met some guys who saw Thor, who he told you were dead. Who told me that you were dead.” you told him.

“Thor’s alive?” Loki asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up.

_Last I heard. Which is more than I can say for you._

_I’m sorry._

“Please stop faking your death. I hate it.” you said earnestly, almost laughing when you heard how ridiculous the sentence sounded. You could hardly remember what had been wrong with you a minute ago.

“Even if it saves my life?” he asked. You opened your mouth, and then closed it again.

“I’m just saying. I’m not a fan of wondering whether you’re dead or alive every five minutes.” you told him after a pause.

“You would know if I was dead.” he reminded you, tapping your chest. You sighed.

_We don’t know that for sure._

_I promise you we do._

_Not one hundred percent._

Loki sighed and looked away, then back to you with an endearing look in his eye.

“How did you find me?” you asked, looking back at the escape pod, “Is there a tracker in my armour or something?”

“Of course not. I just… knew. I was headed for Midgard for a long while, and then just… turned around. And ended up here.”

He wasn’t lying. You shouldn’t have been surprised, you knew that your soulmate connection stretched across realms.

“I was on Midgard, and then Ebony Maw and one of his cronies arrived and picked a fight with us. Maw showed me you, dead, which was… not great.” you told him.

“You saw that?” Loki asked in horror, his face falling. You nodded.

_I’m sorry. It had to be realistic._

_I know that. Now._

You let your hands drop from around the back of his neck, but he caught hold of them in his own hands.

_Love, I’m so sorry. I’m alright._

“Can we just… not be apart. Anymore, please. Until this is all over.” you asked him in earnest.

“Fine by me.” Loki replied unwaveringly. You were hit by another sudden, unpleasant thought.

“Valkyrie, Sif, Korg, did anyone else escape?” you asked him.

“Seven of the escape pods were gone; I took the eighth.” Loki told you, nodding at the ship he’d arrived in. That was good news.

Relief was making you giddy; you grabbed his face and kissed him again. After a few seconds he smiled into the kiss and pulled away.

“How many others are here? The ship you arrived in looks pretty battered, I don’t think-”

You could tell what he was going to say before he said it.

“We’re not leaving. Not yet.” you told him. Loki frowned, “Why?”

“Come on. We’ll fill you in.” you said, holding out a hand to him. He took it, and you teleported back over to Tony, Strange, Peter and Quill. They were sat exactly where you’d left them. All of them jumped as you appeared.

“I’d forgotten how annoying that was.” Tony muttered, slowly getting to his feet. Peter jumped up in excitement, staring at Loki in amazement; Loki looked back at him awkwardly.

“Good to see you Reindeer Games.” Tony said, holding out a hand to Loki, who looked away from Peter and took it. They were both genuinely pleased to see each other; you smiled. A few years ago you wouldn’t have believed it.

“Stark.” Loki nodded, and then he caught sight of Strange, who, incidentally, hadn’t bothered to get up.

“Not you again.” Loki said in annoyance.

“I’m afraid so.” Strange confirmed apologetically. Then Loki’s gaze fell to the Time stone around Strange’s neck and his face fell.

“Hi Mr. Loki, I’m Peter Parker.” Peter said, stepping forward and holding out his hand. Loki gave Tony an incredulous look before taking it.

_Why is there a child here?_

_He’s the new recruit._

Loki let go of Peter’s hand and looked around, simply nodding at Quill who nodded back. You hadn’t noticed, but Quill’s expression was stony. If you’d had less on your mind you would have realised that he was excruciatingly jealous.

“So what’s the plan?” he asked, turning back to you.

“We’re waiting for Thanos to come to us.” you said. He stared at you, and then turned to Strange, pointing at the Time stone.

“That’s an Infinity Stone.” he stated.

“Yes.” Strange replied, his tone sarcastically praising.

“Do you remember what happened last time we tried to stop Thanos from getting an Infinity Stone? It was about, two hours ago?” Loki asked, turning back to you. You looked at him, hurt.

“It’s different this time.” you told him, trying to sound more certain than you felt.

“ _How_?” he asked you desperately, his voice betraying his fear; he closed his eyes momentarily as he realised he’d shown emotion in front of several people who weren’t you.

“You’re not alone this time.” Tony said. Loki nodded, inhaling heavily and looking back at you.

_We have to try._

_I know._


	73. Gamora

Thanos didn’t arrive for another half an hour. You had a plan; it was a very loose plan, but a plan all the same.

The second Strange spotted the portal forming he signalled abruptly, and the rest of you fled to the positions you’d agreed on. Loki’s hold on your arm was almost painful as Thanos appeared through the portal conjured by the Space stone. You didn’t say anything, shifting backwards slightly where you were crouched amongst the wreckage of the ship you’d arrived in, pressing yourself against Loki’s side.

Strange was sitting casually on the plaza steps, observing Thanos as the portal he’d arrived through closed behind him.

“Oh, yeah. You’re much more of a ‘Thanos’.” Strange remarked casually. You couldn’t believe how calm he was, sitting before the mad Titan in possession of the one thing he was prepared to do anything to get his hands on.

“I take it that Maw is dead. This day extracts a heavy toll. Still, he accomplished his mission.” Thanos spoke. His voice was eerily calm. You shifted further towards Loki, whose fingers were now digging into your arm.

“You may regret that. He brought you face to face with the Master of the Mystic Arts.” Strange told him. You made eye contact with Peter, who was hidden behind Strange on the other side of the plaza. His face was filled with badly disguised fear. You winked at him and he gave you an unconvincing smile and a shaky thumbs up.

“And where do you think he brought you?” Thanos asked, looking around. Finally, Loki’s grip on your arm became too much and you moved your hand to brush against his.

_Lokes._

He released your arm and took your hand instead.

_Sorry._

“Let me guess. Your home?” Strange asked.

Thanos smiled. It was a bizarre and unnerving sight to behold.

“It was. And it was beautiful.” he said reminiscently, raising the hand which was encased in the gauntlet and curling it into a fist, activating what you assumed was the Reality stone to show Strange his home planet before it had been destroyed. The buildings were suddenly intact, the lawns green, the ponds filled with water; citizens strolling carefree around the plaza. The starfish-like structures hovered in the air, connected to ground-based buildings by glowing beams of energy.

“Titan was like most planets. Too many mouths, and not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution.” Thanos explained.

“Genocide.” Strange said pleasantly.

“But at random, dispassionate, fair to rich and poor alike. They called me a madman. And what I predicted came to pass.” Thanos replied, lowering his fist. The Reality stone stopped glowing and the illusion faded to re-reveal the true, abysmal state of Titan.

“Congratulations, you’re a prophet.” Strange said sarcastically.

“Oh, don’t piss him off.” you whispered, knowing that he couldn’t hear you.

“I’m a survivor.” Thanos stated.

“Who wants to murder trillions.” Strange retorted.

“With all six stones, I could simply snap my fingers, and they would all cease to exist. I call that mercy.” Thanos told him.

Strange stood up, “And then what?”

Loki squeezed your hand; you turned to look at him and then followed his gaze up to where Tony was hurtling through the sky towards Thanos bearing a huge chunk of wreckage.

“I finally rest, and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe. The hardest choices require the strongest wills.”

Strange summoned his magic, donning a fighting stance.

“I think you’ll find ours equal to yours.” he said in determination.

“Ours?” Thanos muttered, looking up to see the large chunk of metal he was about to be crushed by hurtling towards him. He disappeared underneath the wreckage, but not before his fist had glowed purple.

“Let’s go.” you said, straightening up. Before you could take a step forward Loki pulled you back towards him, turning you around so that you were looking at him.

“Be careful.” he whispered, his voice cracking on the last syllable. Your heart contracted, but before you could reply Thanos exploded from the wreckage in a burst of purple energy which looked horribly like your own magic, bellowing in rage. Spinning back around, you felt Loki disappear from behind you. You followed him down to the plaza, magic at the ready.

Thanos had turned the fragments of the wreckage into a swarm of bats, which he sent shooting after Tony, forcing him back through the ruins of the ship you’d just been hiding in. Peter shot web at his eyes and swung in to kick him in the face right as Drax leapt from his cover, blades in both hands, to knee-slide behind Thanos and slice across the backs of his knees. Then Strange appeared through a portal and summoned a sword of golden energy, duelling with Thanos as Drax attacked similarly on the other side.

Suddenly Thanos swung at Drax, punching him so hard that he was sent flying through a ruined wall. Then he turned and shattered Strange’s golden blade seemingly effortlessly, the force of which blasted Strange backwards, tearing Peter’s web from his eyes. Then he looked up to see Loki stood in front of him, seething with rage.

The look of shock on Thanos’ face was almost worth Loki being stood alone and apparently defenceless in front of him. Almost.

“You.” Thanos growled, his voice low with anger. You teleported to stand next to Loki, letting his anger wash over you and fuel your magic. Thanos’ gaze flickered to your face; you felt his rage rise to the surface and boil over. He raised his fist, but Loki was quicker, using his magic to force his fist back down to his side. You joined in, feeling him begin to struggle almost instantly, knocking Thanos off balance with a sharp gesture from your other hand. Then Quill was there, shooting at Thanos from behind and aggravating him further. With an enraged roar he tore his hand free of your magic, and then sent the three of you flying backwards, turning to meet Strange who was back on his feet again.

You struggled to your feet; Loki was already halfway back towards him. An explosion rocked the ground, and then Thanos was on his knees, dazed. You felt a spark of hope; you might actually be able to do this.

As you teleported back towards the fight you saw Strange’s cloak wrap itself around the gauntlet, and then portals started appearing left right and centre. Peter flew in and out of them, dealing several blows to Thanos’ head and torso, until finally Thanos judged where he would fly next and grabbed him by the neck, slamming him to the ground.

“Insect!” he shouted in frustration, launching him at Strange and rendering them both useless for a few seconds, before tearing the cloak from the gauntlet.

_Now._

Yours and Loki’s magic surrounded him, incapacitating him momentarily, which was enough time for Tony to fly towards him and bombard him with fiery explosions. The fire was sucked from the air before your eyes, and you barely had time to throw a shield up before Thanos was blasting it back at you and Loki, then Tony, who had no defence and was propelled backwards with immense force.

Distracted by your worry for Tony, you let down your guard for a precious second in which Thanos aimed the gauntlet at Loki and blasted him, sending him flying backwards after Tony.

_Loki!_

“I can’t seem to kill him. You’ll do instead.” Thanos snarled murderously, raising his arm and aiming the gauntlet at you.

You threw up yet another shield, which was almost blasted to pieces by the staggering power which was suddenly being forced upon you. Your heels dug into the ground as you pushed back against him with all of the strength you possessed, looking up at him with glaring purple eyes. You’d never used your magic like this before; it was almost overwhelming. Thanos’ eyes narrowed as you met his gaze, every nerve in your body alight with burning magic, your arms shaking from the physical exertion of holding him back.

You didn’t see Peter as he swung in from behind Thanos, but you felt it as he webbed the gauntlet and yanked it down away from you. You staggered forward, dropping to the ground, and then there was an almighty crash as a small spaceship attempted to land on Thanos’ head, wiping him out and sending him flying away from you.

Out of imminent danger, you gasped for breath and looked up as Loki teleported a few feet away from you, looking slightly worse for wear.

“You okay?” he asked, pulling you to your feet. You nodded, looking over your shoulder at the spaceship which had just taken Thanos out; you weren’t lying. You felt _strong_.

“Are you?” you asked him, reaching towards a large cut on his forehead.

_Just a scratch._

“Hey! Half the universe is at stake over here.” Strange shouted angrily at the two of you.

_He has a point._

You looked back over towards Thanos to see him engaged in a fight with a blue robot, who was presumably the pilot of the ship which had just crash landed into his head.

“Come on.” you said, teleporting over with Loki. Thanos sent the blue robot flying away from him, and then Strange had the gauntlet wrapped in his magic and was pulling to get it off. Drax slid beneath Thanos, kicking one leg out from underneath him, and then Quill shot an electric trap into the ground next to him, disabling Thanos’ unarmoured hand. Peter swung in to web Thanos’ chest and wrapping it around his back, deploying his spider legs from the back of his suit to anchor himself.

_Help Strange, I’ve got Peter._

You teleported to Peter and used your magic to help pull the web back, securing Thanos even further.

“You alright?” you asked him.

“Yeah!” he replied, completely out of breath.

“You’re doing great. Your debut as an Avenger will go down in history for sure.” you told him, wondering as you did so if any of you would make it back to Midgard to tell the story of what was happening on Titan.

“Really!?” Peter said excitedly, turning to look at you with wide-eyed amazement. You lurched forward as he stopped pulling on the web momentarily.

“Concentrate!” you said loudly, yanking back on the web as Mantis dropped in from a portal above Thanos’ head to sit on his shoulders and send him under with her powers. Tony had reappeared and was helping Loki try to yank the gauntlet from Thanos’ hand. He was incapacitated, but not fully asleep. You could feel his rage swelling as he tried to escape.

“Is he under? Don’t let up.” Tony said loudly.

“Be quick, he is very strong!” Mantis cried, in obvious pain. You wished you could help her.

“Parker, help! Get over here!” Tony called to Peter.

“Can you hold him?” Peter asked you.

“I’ve got it.” you said determinedly, doubling your effort as Peter let go and ran over to Tony. For such a small kid he was pretty strong; you let your magic flow through you and tried to concentrate on your breathing. Quill flew over and landed in front of Thanos; his rage was even more than the Titan’s. He was scared, too.

_Lokes, you might want to get Quill._

_What do you mean?_

_I think… Thanos has killed his girlfriend._

_We need the gauntlet._

He was trying to use his magic to get it off of Thanos’ hand.

“I thought you’d be harder to catch. For the record, this was my plan. Not so strong now, huh? _Where is Gamora?_ ” you heard Quill say angrily.

“ _My, Gamora…?_ ” Thanos muttered.

“No, bull _shit_. Where is she?!”

“He is in anguish.” Mantis told him shakily. You frowned, realising for the first time that she was right. Where you had first just felt anger, you now felt remorse, and deep, deep grief. You couldn’t help but feel slightly pleased that he was suffering.

Quill reflected your thoughts, “Good.” he spat vehemently.

“He… he _mourns_.” Mantis moaned, crying now.

“What does this _monster_ have to _mourn?_ ” Drax scorned.

“Gamora.” the blue robot (who, now you looked at her, looked half human too) said quietly from behind Quill.

“What?” Quill said sharply, turning to look at her.

_Loki, get him._

“I’m a _bit_ preoccupied at the moment.” Loki half shouted at you, straining from the effort of getting the gauntlet from Thanos’ hand. He hadn’t meant to say it aloud.

_She’s dead, he’s going to lose it, Thanos will wake up!_

“He took her to Vormir. He came back with the Soul stone… but she didn’t.” the blue robot said. Loki looked up at you in understanding; you looked back at him urgently, encased in a shroud of purple mist. Tony seemed to have latched on to the situation as well, letting his helmet down.

“Okay, Quill, you gotta cool it right now, you understand?” he said firmly. Quill turned slowly to Thanos.

“Don’t, don’t, don’t engage, _we’ve almost got this thing off_!” Tony yelled. Loki stopped tugging at the gauntlet and made towards Quill instead.

“Tell me she’s lying.” Quill said, his voice dangerously low. When Thanos didn’t reply, he became enraged.

“ _Asshole! Tell me you didn’t do it!_ ” he shouted.

“I… had… to…” Thanos replied, clearly in pain.

“Quill-” Loki started, with absolutely no idea what he was about to say.

“What if it was her!? Huh? You wouldn’t be so chilled out if it was your girl, would you!?” Quill shouted at Loki, tears running down his face.

Loki turned to look at you struggling to hold Thanos down.

_Get him out of here!_

Too late, Quill had turned back to Thanos and decked him right in the face, not once, but twice. Loki and Tony both lunged for him.

“Hey, stop! Stop! Stop, hey, _stop!_ ” Tony yelled desperately. You looked towards Peter, who was _so_ close to getting the gauntlet off. Thanos was waking up.

“It’s coming, it’s coming!” Peter yelled.

“Hold on Strange!” you shouted to the wizard, before relinquishing your hold on Thanos and teleporting to Peter, grabbing the edge of the gauntlet with both hands and pulling with all of your strength. It slid towards you and you gave a triumphant cry, but then a large purple hand descended upon the other side of the gauntlet, grasping it firmly, and then you and Peter were flung from it.

“No!” you shouted in desperation, before hitting the ground, hard. You staggered back to your feet to see Mantis being flung from Thanos’ shoulders; Peter went after her in an instant. Tony, Loki and Quill had been thrown backwards away from Thanos again, and now the gauntlet was firmly back on his hand.

You were done for.


	74. The Time Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this chapter didn't upload the first time? I've reuploaded it and the next three now, sorry for any confusion!

Loki appeared at your side, grabbing hold of your arm again.

“I’m sorry.” he gasped, “I should have-”

He stopped talking as you caught sight of what was going on behind him and took a step back, your eyes widening in alarm.

Loki span around to see Thanos looking up to the sky and raising the gauntlet towards Titan’s moon. Using a combination of the Power and Space stones he yanked his fist towards the ground with a grunt, in doing so shattering the moon’s surface and bringing the debris raining down towards you in a large meteor shower.

You and Loki were surrounded by a combination of both of your magic in an instant; a second later the planet’s gravitational field was destroyed. Everything began to rise into the air, apart from the enormous lumps of rock which were still pelting the planet’s surface; moon chunks making fiery ballistic in-bounds towards you. Loki grabbed you and teleported you both out of the way of a piece of rock which was roughly the size of a baseball field and had been heading straight towards you.

Tony and Strange were nowhere to be seen; Peter was flying around and using his web to secure Drax, Mantis and Star Lord, all of whom had been unconscious and had been helpless to resist the new, upward gravitational pull.

“I’ll find Tony, you get Strange.” you said, shrugging Loki’s hand off of your arm and making to teleport towards Thanos, but Loki held you back.

_We’re done._

You turned to look at him in confusion.

“…what?”

“Y/N, we can’t beat him. We tried-”

“Yeah, and we’ll keep trying!” you argued, trying to pull your arm away again, but Loki held on, shaking his head. You stared at him, at a loss, before turning back to Thanos who was now facing Strange, alone. The magic the wizard was using was powerful, more powerful than anything you’d ever seen before, let alone used yourself.

You and Loki watched their exchange of magic like a tennis match, until Strange levitated and did something which made it seem as though he had multiple arms, and then in a flash there were hundreds of Strange’s surrounding Thanos, forming a circular wall around him.

Thanos snarled, and then he was wrapped in hundreds of glowing, magical cords: powerless… for a second. He struggled to close his gauntleted fist, and used one of the stones to discover the real Strange amongst the hundreds of fake ones, blowing the duplicates away and sending the real Strange reeling backwards.

_Loki-_

_We can’t._

_We might!_

_We can’t._

You knew he was right. Thanos used the gauntlet to pull Strange back towards him and grasped him by the throat; Strange flailed and grabbed at Thanos’ hand in vain.

“You’re full of tricks, wizard.” Thanos growled.

“No.” Strange choked as Thanos reached for the Time stone. You made to move forward again, but Loki pulled you back, this time less gently. He span you around by the shoulders to look at him.

_Stop it._

_If he gets this stone, we might die. I might be wiped out and you might not. Or vice versa._

Loki shook his head, pushing the thought away.

_That’s a fake stone._

_What?_

At the same time, behind you, Thanos said, “A fake.” He crushed the fake stone in his hand, and then threw Strange to the side in a rage, knocking him out.

“Loki. We can’t just stand here and watch him do this.”

“It’s already done.” he implored.

“No! It’s not!” you insisted, turning back to Thanos. At that exact moment, Tony appeared and slammed a red and gold device on to the Infinity gauntlet, bracing the fingers open.

“You throw another moon at me, and I’m gonna lose it.” Tony told the Titan.

“Stark.” Thanos said.

“You know me?” Tony replied, after a beat.

“I do. You’re not the only one cursed with knowledge.” Thanos told him.

“My only curse is _you_.” Tony grimaced, deploying a load of small rockets from the back of his suit which launched at Thanos.

“Come on!” Thanos roared as the rockets shot towards him and exploded on impact, shrouding him in smoke. Tony flew after them, driving into Thanos hard, before bouncing off him and landing hard on the ground, his boots securing him to the ground before punching Thanos sending him flying into a wall behind.

Loki’s fingers were digging into your arms again. You understood that he was scared, so were you, but you weren’t going to stand by and let Tony face Thanos on his own. You couldn’t.

_He can’t use the gauntlet. Come on!_

Loki wavered, and then let go of you. You teleported to Tony’s side in an instant, your magic burning strongly at your fingertips again. Thanos didn’t miss a beat as you appeared, ripping Tony’s mask from his face to reveal his surprised expression for a second before his suit recovered automatically and re-formed his head protection. He swung for Tony during the fractional delay, but you caught his arm with your magic before he could make contact.

“ASGARDIAN!” Thanos roared furiously, turning his efforts towards you. Then Loki was behind him, pulling him away from you with his magic. Tony zoomed in and delivered a flying kick to Thanos’ face; you relinquished your hold on his arm for a second to take a breath as he staggered. Thanos didn’t miss a beat, yanking the brace device Tony had slammed on to the gauntlet off with apparent ease.

Loki was in front of him.

“No!” you shouted, fear making you reckless. You teleported in front of Loki instantaneously, only managing half a shield before you were hit with a blast from the gauntlet which sent you flailing backwards.

Strangely, you didn’t hit Loki, but went flying all the way back to the side of the ship you’d arrived in, slamming into the side of it with great force. The breath was knocked from you as you hit the wall, and then the floor; the gravity was becoming more stable.

You rolled over painfully, struggling to push yourself up on to your hands and blinking hard; your vision had gone blurry and your head was pounding. Raising your head to look back towards Thanos, you saw Tony fighting him, and green magic shimmering in the air around them.

Loki was nowhere to be seen, but your eyesight was acting up. You tried to get to your feet and fell straight back down again with a groan as pain shot through your left arm and down through your chest. That didn’t feel good.

Suddenly fresh pain lanced through your shoulder; you gasped in discomfort before fear caught in your throat. Loki.

Then he was beside you, collapsing to the ground in obvious agony. His shoulder had been torn open. You tried to say his name, but nothing came out; getting blasted into a wall of solid metal by an Infinity stone had really messed with you. All you could do was hold on to him; you didn’t have enough energy left in you to try and heal him even slightly.

Loki closed his eyes and cast an illusion around the two of you, despair replacing the anger which had been present in him not long ago.

_I tried._

_I know._

You looked back over to Thanos; Tony was fighting him one on one. A sob tried to escape you, but you fought it down, determination rising in your chest despite the hopelessness of the situation. Loki was shaking his head, his eyes still closed.

“Tony.” you croaked, trying to get up again… and failing. The pain was too much.

But Tony was out there alone.

“Y/N, don’t.” Loki sounded broken. You couldn’t bear it, any of it.

Thanos had Tony on the floor and was pelting him with punches; his suit was beginning to fall apart. You doubled your efforts, trying _so_ hard to fight through the pain, but it took all the willpower you had to even get to your feet. How were you going to help Tony?

_Y/N, stop, please._

Thanos lifted Tony to his feet and blasted his midriff with the Power stone, sending him reeling backwards and then knocking what was left of his helmet straight off of his head.

“No.” you choked, stepping forward painfully. Thanos was going to kill him. You’d hardly taken three unstable steps before Loki caught you around the waist and pulled you backwards. He was in agony; you felt how much it was hurting him to try and hold you back while keeping an illusion up at the same time; on top of your own pain it was making your knees weak.

“Get off.” you said, your voice cracking as you tried to pull away from him. Your magic swelled painfully inside you as you watched Tony, his face terrified and exposed before the Titan, try to defend himself as Thanos walked towards him, using the gauntlet to effortlessly deflect the beams of energy Tony fired at him.

“Loki, please.” you begged, tears falling down your face as you wrestled with him, trying to get to Tony. He didn’t respond; he couldn’t, every last ounce of his energy was going into keeping the illusion up and holding you back.

Tony deflected a blow from Thanos with his left arm, which was then caught above his head. He used what was left of his right glove to form a short-sword, which Thanos caught sight of immediately.

“No, please…” you sobbed, half blind from the pain. Not Tony…

Thanos snapped the short-sword from Tony’s hand and drove it clean through his stomach. You screamed Tony’s name; Loki’s grip on you tightened and then fell away. The illusion dropped as he passed out. Thanos didn’t even turn around.

You followed Loki to the ground, your knees finally giving up on you.

“Lokes, Loki…” you whispered, your hands shaking as you knelt over him. Thanos was talking.

“You have my respect Stark. When I’m done, half of humanity will still be alive.”

He straightened up and took a step back, aiming the gauntlet at Tony’s head.

“I hope they remember you.”

“Tony, no…” you rasped; you’d been meant to shout it, but it was probably a good thing that you hadn’t. You were halfway to your feet, your head spinning wildly when another voice emanated from across the battlefield from you.

“Stop.”

Strange was sitting up, and sounded entirely unruffled.

“Spare his life… and I will give you the stone.” Strange said to Thanos. At first you thought you’d heard wrong. Strange would never…

“No tricks.” Thanos said, turning to point the gauntlet at Strange instead. Strange shook his head.

“Don’t.” Tony’s voice grated as he spoke.

Strange ignored him, summoning the Time stone from apparent nothingness, and sent it floating over to Thanos. You stared as Thanos plucked the stone from mid-air and placed it into the gauntlet; a pulse of energy so strong ran through him that it made him wince. You sat back down heavily next to Loki and put a hand on his arm.

“One to go.” Thanos said. Then, out of nowhere, Quill came hurtling towards the Titan, bellowing in incoherent rage and firing shots at him.

A portal opened up behind Thanos, and he turned around and disappeared through it. You blinked and he was gone. Just like that.

Quill flew through the empty air where Thanos had moments previously been standing and crashed into the floor, rolling several times before coming to a dazed stop.

“Where is he?!” he asked angrily, scrambling to his feet and de-helmeting.

You wanted to get up and run to Tony, but you didn’t have the strength to even call out to him. And you couldn’t leave Loki.

“Did we just _lose_?!” Quill continued furiously.

“Why would you do that?” Tony said sadly to Strange.

“We’re in the Endgame now.” Strange told him grimly.

You were crouching over Loki, trying to find the smallest ounce of magic in yourself to try and heal his shoulder. Would it knock you out, or worse? Tears were still running down your face. All of that, and Thanos had got the stone anyway.

You’d lost. He only needed one more stone, and he was going to get it.

“Oh my god, Y/N, are you…? Is he…?”

Peter, covered in dirt and blood and as white as a ghost was limping towards you.

“He’s alive. He just- I… I can’t heal him.” you said quietly, frowning and pressing your lips together as you tried to hold back the tears in front of him.

“I’ll get Mr. Strange, hey, Mr. Strange?”

Strange tried to heal you first, but you pushed him away, pointing at Loki mutely. When Loki’s shoulder was no longer open and his face had regained some of its colour, you finally let Strange heal you.

You were still bone tired and ached all over when he’d finished, but at least now you could stand up and walk. You did, over to Tony, and hugged him for the longest time you could remember.

“Hey, watch it kid. I’ve got a stab wound here.”

“I noticed.”

Then you went back over to Loki, who was still out cold. You sat down next to him and gently moved his head into your lap, leaning back against a huge chunk of metal behind you and closing your eyes, pushing your fingers through his hair.

Trying not to listen to Quill’s awful, grief-filled thoughts, you allowed yourself to surrender to the void.


	75. The Snap

When you woke up, something was very wrong. And Loki was gone.

"Loki?" you said sleepily as you woke, before jerking awake abruptly when you saw that he was missing.

_I'm here. Something's wrong._

_Where? What?_

You were half asleep, scrambling to your feet and blinking hard to clear your blurred vision. After a few seconds of near blindness, you spotted Loki walking quickly back over towards the group, and relaxed for a second.

_I'm here. I just went to the ship to see if there were any medical supplies when I started to feel-_

_Feel what?_

_I don't know._

You could feel it too, like something inside of you was missing. Some sort of integral part of you had disappeared. Fear rose in your throat again.

You were halfway towards Tony and the others before it started. Everything happened so fast from that point onwards.

"Something's happening." Mantis said nervously.

And then she disintegrated. You stopped dead in your tracks, staring, wondering if you were still asleep.

She just fell away into nothingness, leaving behind only ashes.

_Are you seeing this?_

_Y/N._

He was scared. Something happened suddenly in your chest; someone had replaced all of your internal organs with ice. You tripped forward, watching as Drax disintegrated too, hardly able to believe what you were seeing. Tony said something, you didn't hear what.

Loki was about ten steps away from you, staring at his hands. Then he looked up at you, terrified.

In a second you were running towards him. He reached out to you, stepping forward slowly.

His hands were gone by the time you got to him.

"No. God, _no­-_." your breaths were coming in great panicked gasps as you reached him and clung to him, your fingers digging into his arms, your heart thudding several times faster than it should have been.

_Y/N-_

"No stop, no, _no_ -" you were repeating the word like a prayer, as if it could stop your soulmate fading away to nothingness before your eyes.

Loki looked down at you in dread and you met his gaze. He was there, in front of you. Then his arms weren't in your hands anymore; you clutched at air.

"Loki _no_ , no-"

_I love you._

His voice in your mind sounded as though he was thinking to you from the end of a very long tunnel.

His eyes didn't leave your face as his face disintegrated into ashes.

You were left stood by yourself, your arms out in front of you, convinced that you were having a heart attack, unable to draw a breath. For a few seconds you didn't move, staring at the ashes floating through the air in front of you.

Dizziness washed over you; your knees gave out and you dropped to the ground, breathing hard. Your heart was beating so painfully hard and fast that you reached up to claw at your chest.

And then you died.

At least, you thought you did. The first thought that entered your mind was that another meteor had landed on top of you and flattened you, but you remained conscious. Had you turned to ashes too?

This must be death. _Real_ death this time, not like before.

You were nothing. You couldn't see, hear or sense anything; the ground had disappeared from under you, and the sky from above you.

There was no you anymore.

Just emptiness.

A void.

After a few seconds, or minutes, or hours, your senses returned. You were still crouched on the floor; your heart was still beating, your body intact.

The emptiness remained.

Loki had been wrong. It wasn't just a feeling in your chest. It was your entire self. Your whole being.

He had described it as though it hurt; it didn't. Not yet.

Your soul had been ripped from your chest.

Everything was numb.

You would never feel again. 


	76. Shock

_Tony’s POV_

“He did it.” Nebula said. She was the only one left.

Peter had dissolved in his arms just after Loki had disintegrated, but Tony didn’t realise that until he looked up and saw you crouched on the ground. He wanted to go to you, but he was in too much shock to move, to think. He felt guilty about the relief he experienced when he saw you alive.

He was glad he hadn’t gone to you about five seconds later, because your entire body convulsed violently on the floor, and then a sort of shockwave emanated from you. It was your magic. Tony braced for impact as the purple wave shot through him, but it did nothing but knock him backwards slightly.

“Is she okay?” Nebula asked.

“No.” Tony said. He recognised that you were experiencing the ‘feeling’ you had told him Loki had described.

All that was left of your magic now was a shimmering shroud of purple mist enveloping you. Trying to protect you from what you were feeling.

Tony stood up and wobbled, putting a hand out to steady himself, wincing at the pain in his stomach. His stitches wouldn’t last long. He was a fool for not letting Strange heal him.

“Hey, Nebula. Is that right?”

The blue robot lady nodded.

“We need that ship, can you see if it’s good to fly?” Tony asked, pointing towards the ship that Quill, Mantis and Drax had arrived in. Nebula looked over towards you, back at Tony, and nodded.

Tony made his way over to you, with absolutely no idea what he was going to say. When he reached your side, he crouched down gingerly, gritting his teeth from the pain. Then he gave up and sat heavily down on the ground.

You didn’t look at him; your eyes were shut tight. You were still on all fours, hunched over as though to protect yourself from something, your hair obscuring your face.

“Kid?” Tony said hoarsely. He was trying hard not to think about Peter. You didn’t reply, but he knew you’d heard him.

“Y/N.” Tony said, louder. Your mist shimmered, and began to fade. He watched as your jaw clenched and unclenched several times, the muscles in your forehead and temples working overtime. He couldn’t imagine how you felt, if it had been Pepper…

Oh god, _Pep_.

He’d been in shock from losing Peter he hadn’t even comprehended that what had just happened here had happened across the _entire universe_. What if Pepper…

“I’m sure she’s okay.”

Your voice was so quiet Tony barely heard you; it sounded as though it had been painful for you to speak. He looked up at you to see that you hadn’t moved, but your eyes were open. You must have heard his thoughts.

Tony tried to find the words, but couldn’t. Eventually, with what looked like all the effort in the world, you pushed yourself up to a sitting position.

“Kid… I’m so sorry.” he told you. Your expression was scaring him a bit, you looked… empty. You shook your head infinitesimally, your gaze drifting to a point just over Tony’s left shoulder, where it stayed.

Tony was silent for a while. Eventually he remembered that he had sent Nebula off to check the ship; he didn’t know her well, what if she took it and left you here?

If you’d heard that last thought you didn’t show it, or you just didn’t care.

“We need to get over to that ship, it’s our only way out of here.” Tony told you. You just shook your head slowly again, your gaze still on something far, far away.

“We can’t stay here. You know that.” Tony said, watching you. You blinked. Tony thought he understood; you didn’t want to leave Loki.

“Kid… he’s gone. They all are. There’s nothing for us to do here anymore.” he told you gently. You swallowed hard and looked at him, before turning to look behind you. Your eyes were the most vibrant colour of purple Tony had ever seen them go.

“Who else…?” you managed. Tony shook his head.

“Just us. And Nebula, the blue… robot.”

“Peter.” you said, Tony nodded. More silence. He wished he could comfort you in some way, but he had no idea of what to do.

“I need you to help me up.” Tony finally said. He knew it was the only way he was going to get you to move. It took you a few minutes, but finally you got to your feet and held your hands out to him. You didn’t look back as you walked away.

You walked over to the ship together, where Nebula _hadn’t_ stolen it, but was inside in the cockpit fiddling with some buttons. She turned to look at you as you walked in.

“It’s not too badly damaged. Some of the fuel cells are cracked but if we can fix them, we can fly it.”

“But can we get it home?” Tony muttered to himself.

…

_Three weeks later_

_Your POV_

Tony wasn’t going to last much longer. You had a feeling you wouldn’t be too far behind him.

You found it hard to care.

Tony and Nebula had managed to fix whatever it was that had been broken on the ship and chart a course towards Midgard, but you weren’t going to make it home. You’d been useless; you didn’t have the first clue about engineering or mechanics.

You’d been in space for twenty two days. This you only knew because Tony had told you, you hadn’t been keeping count. There was no point.

You didn’t sleep, didn’t eat (not that there was any food left to eat even if you had been hungry) and spent all of your time sat on the floor staring out into space, twisting the ring Loki had given you round and round on your finger.

In the first week Tony had tried to keep you animated, coming up with stupid games and playing Quill’s mixtapes loudly, getting you and Nebula to dance with him. This had been nice until he spun you around and you were forcibly reminded of the nights you and Loki used to sneak around the palace on Asgard and dance in the ballroom together. That ballroom was nothing now. As was Loki.

You hadn’t cried yet. You didn’t know why. The emptiness inside you hadn’t ceased in three weeks, but you thought you might be getting used to it.

This wasn’t a cause of relief. You missed feeling… anything. Even the sickening, crushing feeling you’d felt as Loki had disappeared in front of your eyes. 

The few songs on Quill’s mixtape soon got tiring, and after a week and a half Tony stopped putting them on. Instead he taught you and Nebula a game which involved flicking bits of paper at each other’s hands. It was fun. It took your mind off of… things.

Two days ago Nebula had called you and Tony over and told you that you had three days of oxygen left. Tony had sat down on the floor against the wall, closed his eyes and cried silently. You’d only ever seen him cry once, when he’d brought you back to life next to the Hudson river. You had sat down next to him and leant against his shoulder, closing your eyes too.

You wanted to get back to Midgard for him, and you wanted Pepper to be alive. More than anything.

Almost anything.

You thought about Thor. If you did get back to Midgard and he was gone, who did you have left? Tony, if he survived, and maybe the rest of the team. That was it.

Today had been a bad one. You all knew that you only had one more day. You doubted that Tony would have lasted a day longer anyway. As for Nebula, you weren’t sure. You’d talked to her enough to know that she was Thanos’ daughter, and that he had made her look… how she looked, but you didn’t know whether she needed oxygen to survive or not.

Nebula was the only one of the three of you who’s appearance had stayed relatively the same. Tony looked like a corpse; his eyes were sunken and dull and he was painfully thin. You’d been using your magic to keep his stab wound clean and healing, but in the last few days you’d barely been able to summon your magic and he’d told you to leave it.

When you’d looked at yourself in the reflection of the mirror in the ship’s bathroom earlier today, you’d hardly recognised yourself. You had lost almost half of your body weight, your face was gaunt and you had dark shadows under your eyes. Your hair hung limply around your face.

Your eyes were still burning a vibrant, shocking purple. You wondered if they would ever return to their normal colour.

Currently, you were sat on the floor, looking out of the window. You were thinking about the Avengers tower, and how comfortable the sofas had been there.

“Hey, kid.” Tony said, tapping you on the shoulder so lightly that you barely felt it. You looked up at him.

“Come with me.”

You got slowly to your feet and walked with him slowly to the big window at the back of the ship, helping him lower himself to the floor.

“Oof, thanks. I feel like an old man.”

“Hm.” you said.

“Okay. We’re probably gonna die tomorrow. I’ve just recorded a message on here for Pep… I wondered if you wanted to do one.”

You exhaled heavily, half laugh, half sigh.

“I know. It’s crazy. But it’s happening.” Tony said, reaching towards his busted helmet tenderly.

“I don’t know what I would say.” you told him after a pause.

“If you could see Thor right now, what would you tell him?” Tony asked.

“That Loki didn’t die when he thought he did. It was an illusion.” you replied, looking at the helmet. Tony nodded.

“You just press this here; it’ll record you. I’ll go…”

“No. Stay, please.” you said, not wanting him to overexert or hurt himself getting up. He nodded and pushed the helmet towards you. You leaned forward and pressed the button, and the helmet scanned you with a blue light.

You talked and talked, more than you had in the past three weeks, praying all the while that Thor was alive to hear the message, and that the message would somehow eventually make it back to Midgard.

Then you recorded one for Loki. Tony said nothing.

When you were done, Tony pressed the button on his helmet again and the light went out. You sat together in silence for a long, long time.

“I think I’m done, kid.”

You closed your eyes in pain; you knew it had been coming, but you weren’t ready. Tony was looking out into space. You scooted carefully across the floor towards him and took his hands in yours, leaning against his shoulder gently.

“Hey. Don’t get all soppy on me now.”

You closed your eyes again and smiled. It hurt your face.

“I have a lot of stuff to say to you Tony.” you whispered.

“You’d better say it now then.” he told you quietly. He was terrified, but so, so tired.

“I don’t want to. I’m not ready.”

Tony squeezed your hands but said nothing. You sat together for the longest time, looking out into space.

“Help me into that chair.” he finally said, and you got to your feet gradually, helping him up and over to the chair. He slumped into it, looking for all the world like a tired old man. You couldn’t bear to see him so weak.

Knowing that this was goodbye, you struggled to find to right thing to say, but drew a complete blank.

“Kid. You know that I know, don’t you.” Tony said to you weakly. He knew everything you wanted to say to him, but couldn’t. Nodding mutely, you leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead; he sighed and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get us home.” he whispered.

“It’s okay.” you replied quietly.

He raised a hand to touch your arm gently, and then it fell back to his side as he closed his eyes.

As you walked away, you wondered how much more grief you could take. After tomorrow, you wouldn’t have to take anymore, you supposed.

“Is he gone?” Nebula asked you quietly, as you sat down next to her at the table.

“Almost.” you whispered. Why were you not sobbing and screaming and tearing things apart?

Nebula placed a hand over yours. This was the first physical contact you’d made with her, and in this moment you were grateful for it. You closed your eyes and listened to your heartbeat; it was getting slower by the day.

You sat in silence for a long while, trying not to listen to Tony fading away. Then…

“Y/N. Y/N, look.” Nebula said sharply, standing up quickly and almost falling over. From her you sensed a foreign emotion. Hope.

You opened your eyes and swung around to follow Nebula’s gaze; something bright was hovering at the front of the ship, in front of the window Tony was facing in his chair. Nebula raced to the window and you followed her, slower, hardly daring to believe what you were seeing.

“You guys can see her too? I’m not dying?” Tony asked as you approached the window on either side of his chair. You grabbed his shoulder as you realised that the bright light was coming from a _woman_ , floating in front of the ship.

“Is she here to help us?” Nebula asked, even though she knew you and Tony were just as clueless as her.

You all stared as the woman disappeared below the ship, and then it started to move. Fast, faster than you’d travelled even when the engines had been working, until the stars around you blurred and all you could see were bright, white strips of light.

“Where’s she taking us?”

“Does it matter? We’re saved! Tony, you hear that? Don’t die on us now, alright?” Nebula said happily, actually _smiling_. You tried to feel relieved, but only managed a flicker of relief before you were empty again.

You simply couldn’t go on like this.

After a while, the ship started to slow, and you stared ahead as Midgard came into view. She was taking you home. It was some sort of miracle. Tony pushed himself up in his chair and raised his head to look at you; you looked back at him in disbelief.

Minutes later the Avengers compound came into view, and figures were running out on to the lawn. It was dark; you couldn’t make out who they were.

The ship touched down, and Nebula ran to open the entry hatch as you helped Tony to his feet. He was nervous, terrified in fact. You prayed that Pepper was one of the figures outside.

“Let’s get off of this stupid ship.” you said, and Tony half laughed, wincing.

The air smelt like the best, cleanest thing ever; the sound of the trees rustling in the night was the most amazing sound you’d ever heard. Something cracked inside you.

Hold it together.

Steve, Nat, Bruce and another man who you didn’t recognise were stood on the lawn waiting for you as Nebula, you and Tony staggered down the ramp, all supporting one another.

“Couldn’t stop him.” Tony said emotionally as Steve moved forward to grip his arm.

“Neither could I.” Steve said, his gaze moving to you. He put a hand on your shoulder, and then Nat and Bruce were upon you. You stared at Nat, her hair was short and blonde.

“I lost the kid.” you heard Tony say plainly, as Nat grabbed you by the shoulders and Bruce searched your face, asking you questions, holding on to your arm. You could hear them both wondering where Loki was.

For this reason you didn’t hear Steve telling Tony that ‘we lost’. You also didn’t hear Tony asking about Pepper, you only saw her sprinting across the lawn towards him. That made you feel relief, proper relief. You cracked a bit more as you turned to watch Tony embrace Pepper, his face crumpling as he held her.

You couldn’t hold on for much longer.

“Banner? Is…?” Thor’s voice reached your ears and Nat moved aside so that you could see him hurrying across the grass towards you. At the sight of him, you crumbled.

An awful, grief stricken noise left you as you finally broke, revelling in the feel of the escaping tears which had been locked behind your eyes for the best part of the last month. You stumbled forwards towards Thor and he caught you, holding you to him and whispering _thank the gods, thank the gods, thank the gods…_

You sobbed into his chest loudly, unable to hold it back now that you’d let go, hurting so badly that you thought you might pass out. But you knew that feeling this was better than feeling nothing at all.


	77. Denial

Thor carried you back into the compound and sat with you until you’d calmed down, shooing Bruce away who kept trying to come near you with medical equipment. It took the best part of half an hour for you to stop sobbing, and when you finally did you felt as though your head was going to split in two.

Finally, Thor allowed Bruce to come near you and put a needle in your arm to give you blood. You trusted him to do whatever; he’d saved you countless times before.

Thor was holding your hands tightly.

“I get the feeling you know something I don’t about him.” he said to you, referring to Loki. You nodded, taking deep, shuddering breaths to calm yourself enough to speak.

“Thanos didn’t kill him.” you told him, and Thor smiled, shaking his head.

“I knew it.” he said quietly, actually smiling.

“He took one of the escape pods and found me on Titan- that’s where the ship took us after Heimdall sent Bruce and I to Midgard…”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Start from when you left Loki and I with Thanos.” Thor told you. And so you told him everything.

“He was worried about you. He was so relieved when he heard that you’d made it out alive.” you kept saying. It seemed important to let him know. Thor was crying too by the time you’d finished.

“Hey, you wanna come in? We’ll get you up to speed.” Nat said, poking her head into the room you and Thor were sat in together. Thor swiftly wiped his eyes.

“Yeah… hey.” you said, standing up gingerly and making your way towards her. She hugged you tightly, but not too tightly.

“I like your hair.”

Nat laughed.

“I’m _so_ glad you’re okay. You know, this is the first good news we’ve had in weeks.” she told you, as she and Thor helped you back into the room whilst still being hooked up to a bag of blood.

In the room already were Steve, Bruce, Tony, Pepper, Nebula, a raccoon which apparently had the ability to talk, and the man who had been on the lawn who you hadn’t recognised earlier. Stood in the corner with her arms crossed was the woman who’d saved you from space; you’d forgotten all about her.

All eyes turned to you as you entered.

“You doing alright kid?” Tony asked you, also hooked up to a bag of blood.

“I’m okay. Nebula, you okay?” you asked across the room, and Nebula nodded, giving you a grateful look. You saw the raccoon next to her look up at you, and heard him think that he liked you.

At the front of the room a was a holographic casualty report listing the names and faces of people who had been lost. There were hundreds of them, thousands, and you knew that it wasn’t just the people on this list.

Bucky’s face appeared briefly on the holograph. It felt like someone had hit you in the stomach with something very large and solid.

“Buck-” you whispered, your eyes filling with fresh tears. You hadn’t thought you’d had any left.

“Sit down Y/N.” Thor said gently, helping you into a chair.

“Who else? Is Clint…?”

“Clint is fine… he lost his whole family though. Wanda is gone. Vision obviously… well, he was dead before it happened. A few others who you don’t know…” Nat filled you in, talking softly as though it would be any less awful to hear.

“Who’s this?” you asked Nat quietly, nodding to the man you didn’t recognise, who was talking to Tony.

“That’s Rhodey, we told you about him before, right?”

You nodded, “And… the raccoon?”

“He’s called Rocket. Keeps calling himself one of the ‘Guardians’.” Nat explained.

“He went with me to get my new hammer.” Thor explained.

“A new hammer?” you asked, but then the man called Rhodey was talking.

“So, it’s been twenty three days since Thanos came to Earth.”

“World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures.” Nat said grimly.

“Where is he now? Where?” Tony asked. He was angry.

“We don’t know. He just opened a portal and walked through. We’ve been hunting him for three weeks now. Deep space scans, satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him.” Steve replied.

“Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the stone. That's what happened. There was no fight.” Tony shot back.

“That’s not true Tony.” you clarified, your voice hoarse from crying; all eyes turned to you.

“Okay.” Steve said, clearly wishing to avoid an argument.

“He’s unbeatable.” Tony asserted.

“Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?” Steve asked.

Tony blew air sharply out of his mouth in annoyance. You felt his anger building steadily; Pepper sensed it too, placing a hand on his arm.

“I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn’t wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.”

“Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus.” Steve told him calmly. You saw Bruce shift uncomfortably in his chair, wanting to tell Tony to calm down but not wanting to annoy him.

“And I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late buddy, sorry. You know what I need?” Tony said loudly, standing up and starting to push things off of the table, “I need a _shave_. And I believe I remember telling all yous-”

Tony suddenly lunged for Steve; Nat, Thor, Bruce and Pepper all stood up, but Rhodey got there first.

“Tony, Tony, Tony-” he said, holding him back firmly.

“-alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armour around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not- that's what we _needed_!” Tony continued, now completely rambling. You hadn’t realised how bad he’d gotten.

“He’s not okay.” Nat said, sitting back down next to you.

“I said goodbye to him on that ship.” you told her, “He was ready to go… and that was only about an hour ago.”

“I said, "we'd lose". You said, "We'll do that together too." And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers, we're the _Avengers_. Not the Prevengers.” Tony continued furiously.

“Okay, you made your point. Just sit down.” Rhodey said, still holding him back.

“Okay…” Tony muttered.

“Okay?” Rhodey repeated.

“Nah, nah, here’s my point, you know what?” Tony said.

“Tony, you’re sick.” Rhodey told him, his voice filled with a worry that Tony didn’t comprehend.

“She’s great, by the way.” Tony said, pointing across the room to Carol.

“Sit down. Sit.” Rhodey said sternly.

“We need you. You're new blood. Bunch of tired old mules!” Tony said to Carol. Then he walked over to Steve, Rhodey on his tail.

“I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. _Liar_.”

You heard what Tony was about to do before he did it, because it scared him. The thought was loud.

“Tony _don’t!_ ” you yelled, standing up, but too late. Tony ripped the Arc Reactor from his chest and shoved it into Steve’s hands.

“Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on. You hide.” Tony spat. And then he collapsed. You tried to go to him, but Thor held you back.

“Tony!” Steve said in horror as he fell to the ground.

“I’m fine, I-.” you heard Tony say weakly, before he passed out.

You tried to move towards him again, but Thor put a hand on your arm.

“Sit down.” he told you. You watched as Rhodey and Bruce carried Tony out of the room, Pepper and Steve in tow.

“He’ll be alright.” Nat said, sounding unconvinced.

Ten minutes later, in which Thor told you all about what had happened after he’d been picked up by the Guardians, Steve and Rhodey came back into the room.

“Bruce gave him a sedative. He’s probably gonna be out for a while.” Rhodey said.

“You guys take care of him. I’ll bring him a Xorrian Elixir when I come back.” the woman who had saved you from space said, uncrossing her arms and walking across the room. Nat stood up.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To kill Thanos.” the woman replied. There was a shocked silence.

You and Thor stood up, moving over to her and Nat.

“Hey, you know, we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morale’s a little fragile.” Nat said.

“We realise up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too.” Steve told her.

“You even know where he is?” Rhodey asked the woman.

“I know people who might.” she replied.

“Don’t bother, I can tell you where Thanos is.” Nebula spoke up, walking over to join the group.

“Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask, ‘Where would we go once his plan was complete?’. His answer was always the same. ‘To the garden’.” she told everyone.

“That’s cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.” Rhodey said.

“So where is he?” Steve asked.

Rocket had made his way over to the group now too, hopping up onto the table which was projecting the hologram of people who’d been lost.

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it... until two days ago.” Rocket said, tapping some things on the table to make a hologram of a planet appear, with a shockwave visibly traversing the surface.

“On this planet.”

“Thanos is there.” Nebula addressed the group.

“He used the stones again.” Nat said.

“Hey, hey, hey. We’d be going in short-handed, you know.” Bruce reminded you; you hadn’t seen him re-enter the room.

“Look, he’s still got the stones, so…” Rhodey started.

“So let’s get him… use them to bring everyone back.” the woman from space said.

“Just like that?” Rhodey asked sceptically.

“Yeah, just like that.” Steve said. You couldn’t believe your ears. You had a chance to reverse it.

“Even if there’s a small chance that we can undo this, I mean, we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try.” Nat said.

“Yes.” you said emphatically, nodding.

“If we do this, how do we know it’s gonna end any differently than it did before?” Bruce asked. 

“Because before, you didn’t have me.” the space woman told him.

“Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?” Rhodey asked, a bit heatedly. She looked back at him coolly.

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn’t have you guys.” she replied.

Thor walked past you to stand right in front of the space woman, holding out his hand. Seconds later, his new hammer shot past her head, missing it by inches; Thor caught it and smiled.

“I like this one.”

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch.” Steve said.

…

A few hours later, you were back aboard the ship that you had almost died in.

You’d had a short but furious fight with Thor about accompanying him and the others back to space; you’d won after tearing the drip Bruce had given you out of your arm and teleporting into the ship to wait there until everyone joined you.

Now you were back in the air, preparing to leave the atmosphere again. Aboard the ship were Rocket, Nebula, Steve, Nat, Bruce, Rhodey, Thor and you. The space woman (whose name you’d been incredulous to learn was _Carol_ ) was flying alongside you outside the ship.

“Okay, who here hasn’t been to space.” Rocket asked from the pilot’s seat. Nat, Steve and Rhodey all raised their hands.

“Why?” Rhodey asked.

“You better not throw up on my ship.” Rocket told him grimly.

“Approaching jump in three, two, one…” Nebula said, and the ship jumped forward. You closed your eyes as you were pressed back into your seat, reminded of your escape from Sakaar. Then the pressure lessened slightly, and you opened your eyes to see the planet Rocket had showed you on the hologram.

“I’ll head down for recon.” Carol’s voice sounded through the monitor, and then she was shooting down towards the surface of the planet.

“You okay?” Thor asked you gently; you nodded.

“This is going to work. We’ll get him back.” he told you firmly.

“I know.” you replied, forcing a smile. This _had_ to work.

After a while, Carol returned.

“No satellites, no ships, no armies, no ground defences of any kind. It’s just him.” she told you all.

“And that’s enough.” Nebula muttered.

…

Once you were down on the ground, it was easy enough to find where Thanos had been living. Bruce assembled and got into his new Hulk armour, Rhodey suited up and then you were ready to go. You surrounded the area, and then Carol went smashing through the roof of the wooden house.

Bruce followed her in, and then Thor, followed by Rhodey. You, Steve, Rocket and Nat made a more conventional entrance, by way of the front door. Carol and Bruce had Thanos pinned to the floor; Thor had sliced straight through the arm which had previously donned the gauntlet, which now lay on the floor.

You stared at Thanos with all the hatred in the world, feeling only slightly better when you saw what using the stones had done to him. He looked as though he’d been badly burnt all up one side of his torso and face. You were so caught up in your anger that you didn’t immediately realise why everyone suddenly gasped.

“Oh no.” Rocket groaned, you looked over to the gauntlet and froze when you saw that the stones were missing from it.

“Where are they?” Steve asked angrily.

“Answer the question!” Carol said forcefully. 

“The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation.” Thanos said, his voice contorted by pain.

“You murdered trillions!” Bruce yelled.

“You should be grateful.” Thanos grimaced.

Bruce punched him square in the face with his Hulk armour; Thanos’ head lurched to one side. He opened his eyes and looked straight at you, looking almost pleasantly surprised.

“You Asgardians _are_ resilient.” he said, looking across to Thor, “I suppose I got the trickster though, did I?”

Your face contorted with rage, magic spilling from you painfully as you barely held yourself back.

“Where are the stones.” you said quietly, your voice shaking with anger.

“Gone. Reduced to atoms.” Thanos told you all. You felt nothing. Numbness spread through you. He had to be lying… yet you knew he wasn’t.

“You used them two days ago!” Bruce protested.

“I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me, but the work is done. It always will be. I am… inevitable.” he said, lifting his chin.

“We have to tear this place apart. He… he has to be lying.” Rhodey said desperately.

“My father is many things. A liar is not one of them.” Nebula said grimly.

“Ah, thank you daughter. Perhaps I treated you too harshly.” Thanos mused. Nebula looked away uncomfortably. Your head was spinning. This couldn’t be happening. You’d come all this way…

You were so distracted that you didn’t even hear Thor’s loud, furious thought process before he swung Stormbreaker above him with an enraged yell and, in one swift movement, sliced Thanos’ head off.

Thanos’ limp body fell to the floor, his head rolling a few times before coming to a stop next to the wall. Again, you felt nothing.

“What… what did you do?” Rocket asked incredulously.

“I went for the head.” Thor said bluntly, turning and walking out of the door, his cape swishing behind him as he left.

You’d just lost Loki all over again.


	78. Anger

You could hardly remember the journey back to Midgard. The next thing you remembered was that you were sat on a bed in a bedroom in the Avengers compound that was now apparently ‘yours’, alone, trying to process the fact that you couldn’t get Loki back.

The gaping chasm in your chest was getting wider by the minute, threatening to engulf you entirely. Then Thor was there, sat by your side. The silence stretched painfully on and on, until finally he spoke.

“The Asgardians that made it out, before… well, they landed in a place called ‘Norway’, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

You nodded, not taking your eyes from a piece of very intriguing fluff that was on the carpet, knowing exactly where this conversation was headed.

“I’m going there. You should come with me.” Thor said, his voice full of emotion. You didn’t reply for a moment, thinking.

“You’re just leaving?” you finally asked. Grief had changed your voice; you sounded hollow.

“There’s no reason for us to stay here.” Thor replied sadly. You nodded slowly.

“I’m not giving up.”

“Y/N-”

“No, I can’t. I _can’t_.” you told Thor, looking up at him fiercely as your voice broke. You didn’t want to lose him too. Thor sighed and put his arm around you.

“We tried Y/N. There’s nothing else to do…”

“I refuse to believe that. There’s _magic_ , and Tony is the cleverest person on the planet, and there must be, there _has_ to be a way-” you trailed off as you realised first how stupid and desperate you sounded, and second that Thor was _this_ close to crying; he was holding it back for your sake.

After a few more minutes of silence Thor squeezed your shoulder and stood up.

“I’ll stay for a week, okay?” he said, turning to look at you before he got to the door. You nodded. He wanted to give you time to change your mind. Then you were alone again.

Next in was Nat. She came and sat next to you as Thor had, reached for your hand, and then froze when she saw the ring on your finger. She hadn’t seen it before. You heard her horrified, sympathetic thoughts and closed your eyes, biting your tongue to feel something, _anything_. The metallic taste of blood filled your mouth.

“Y/N- I’m so sorry.”

“Thor’s leaving.” you said.

“He- he needs to be with his people. He _is_ king.”

_But I don’t want him to go._

Thinking felt meaningless. There was no one to hear your thoughts, no one to look up and smirk at you, or raise an eyebrow, or think _back_. Is this what it had been like before? Just sending your thoughts out into the abyss, not worrying about what happened to them after they left your mind?

Even when you’d shut your mind off from Loki there had still been someone _there_ , on the other side of the wall, waiting. Now there was no one. Nothing.

Empty space.

“Hey. We’re not giving up, okay?” Nat said to you firmly, gripping your arm. That was much more like what you wanted to hear. You nodded.

“Now, no offence, but I think you should go take a hot shower, eat and then try and get some sleep.” she continued, watching you. She was so worried about you.

“I will.” you told her.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Go on then.”

“Later.”

“I’m not moving until you take a shower, and I’m _really_ hungry.” she threatened. You sighed, and turned to look at her with the tiniest fraction of a smile.

“Go.” she smiled, nudging your arm.

You went. Standing under the stream of hot water felt alien; there were no showers on Asgard, only baths, and you’d been in space for a month. You distracted yourself by trying to work out how long it had been since you’d last had a shower, scrubbing your scalp so hard that it hurt.

When you walked back into your room, towel-clad, Nat stood up.

“I want you in the kitchen in ten minutes. Some of my clothes are in the cupboard for you; we’ll have to get you some of your own clothes, but they’ll do for now.” she told you.

“Thank you.” you said.

“Kitchen. Ten minutes.” she repeated, and then left. You pulled on Nat’s clothes, marvelling at how nice it felt not to be in your gear, and towel dried your hair slowly.

Steve, Bruce and Rhodey were in the kitchen with Nat when you went in.

“Y/N, how are you doing?” Steve asked you. What kind of stupid question was that? You felt bad after you’d thought it, because he’d clearly regretted asking you the minute the words had left his mouth.

“I’m okay.” you replied, looking suspiciously at the toast on the table.

“Y/N, you should eat, you’re severely malnourished and-”

“I _know_.” you said sharply. Did he think you hadn’t noticed the lack of food and water on the ship for three _weeks_? Everyone was looking at you.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, looking at the toast again. Bucky used to make you toast.

“It’s okay… you’ve been through a lot.” Bruce said sympathetically, pushing the plate towards you along with a glass of water.

“Y/N, if you don’t mind me asking… what happened on Titan?” Rhodey asked tentatively.

“Rhodes.” Steve said in a warning tone which suggested that they’d talked about this before. You could tell that they were all dying to find out what had happened.

“Nebula said that there was a fight between all of you and Thanos… but Tony-”

“Tony fought him.” you nodded, “We all did.”

“All?” Nat asked.

“Me, Loki-” you stopped to breathe for a second, “-Tony, Strange, Peter, and the rest of the Guardians: Quill, Drax and Mantis. And Nebula.” you told them.

“Tony said something about a planet…?” Rhodey asked.

“Thanos threw a moon at us.” you said, and then a laugh escaped you, taking you by surprise. You frowned at the noise you’d made; you couldn’t remember the last time you’d laughed. The others were watching you in concern, you probably looked mad.

“Y/N. Eat.” Bruce said. You picked up a slice of the cold toast and bit into the corner. It tasted of nothing. Chewing and swallowing was ten times harder than you remembered; it stuck in your throat and you had to drink some water to clear it.

You realised the others still wanted to know more, so you started from when Ebony Maw had arrived on Midgard. After about twenty minutes of talking they were all caught up, and speechless.

“Are your eyes usually that colour?” Rhodey finally asked.

“No.” you replied. You’d made it through one slice of toast. Half, if you counted the fact that it was actually half of one slice.

Soon after you were sent off to bed. You sat on your bed and watched the sun come up, running your blood stained cape through your fingers. Some of it was Loki’s blood. It was all you had, aside from the ring. Everything he’d ever given you was on Asgard. _Had_ been on Asgard.

You stayed sat on your bed long after the sun had risen high into the sky, not tired, not anything.

Nat knocked on your door and you answered it.

“Tony’s awake.”

You were with him less than a minute later.

“Hey, kid. I hear you went on an excursion without me. I gotta say I think you shoulda waited for me to wake up.” he said as you walked into the room, after hugging Pepper. You hadn’t said hello to her properly before that.

“I tried to tell them.” you shrugged, sitting down next to him. Tony was still extremely weak.

“You lie. I’m surprised Thor let you go, the state you were in. Are in.” he added, after a second thought.

“I’m Asgardian. I can handle it.” you told him.

“You’re strong, kid. You are strong.” Tony told you, nodding and closing his eyes.

“Shall I go? I can-”

“Don’t be stupid, sit your butt down.” Tony demanded.

You relished being treated normally, rather than like a porcelain doll as the others had been treating you.

“Gotta tell you something.” he continued, opening his eyes to look at you.

“What?” you asked, suddenly wary.

“Pep and I, we’re heading downstate for a bit. Further than downstate actually, and it’s not for a bit.”

You hadn’t expected it. You should have been. It didn’t matter, you had no room left for hurt.

“You don’t think we should try again?” you asked. Tony looked at you sadly.

“There’s nothing left to try, kid.”

“There would be if it was to get Pepper back.”

Tony didn’t have an answer to that one. These random flares of annoyance were getting stronger.

“I’m sorry. I get it, I really do.” you backtracked, reaching for Tony’s hand. He nodded, breathing heavily.

“I could do with some of that Asgardian blood of yours. Our little adventure’s knocked me sideways, but you look fighting fit… almost.” he told you.

“You need to rest. I’ll come back later.” you said, letting go of his hand and standing up.

“Please do.”

You were pretty sure he’d fallen back asleep as you walked out of the room past Pepper, who re-entered the room as you left. But then Tony spoke in a hushed tone; you heard his words to her as though he’d spoken them in your ear.

_She’s broken, Pep. There’s nothing behind her eyes. It’s scary._

Yes, you thought as you walked away. It was terrifying.

…

_A week later_

Thor was leaving today.

You weren’t sure if you’d slept in the past week. There were blank periods which you couldn’t remember much about, but that might have just been you zoning out rather than actually sleeping.

Thor came to see you in your room before he left. Nat had got some new clothes for you and some flowers for your room. They were dying.

You were sat on your bed, cross legged, watching the news but not really listening. The people on the TV were calling it the ‘Blip’, as if they expected it to be a short term problem. So many people were missing, and countless people had been harmed or killed when it had happened too.

‘The Vanished’, they were calling them.

Thor knocked and came in; you muted the TV.

“I’m going.”

“I know.”

“Y/N, please. I can’t bear you being angry at me…”

“Then stay.”

“You _know_ I can’t.”

You did know, but that didn’t mean you had to like it. Thor sat down next to you. His hair was starting to grow back; he looked older. Grief does that to a person.

“If you’re done being angry, I have something for you.” Thor told you.

“I’m not angry. I am. But not at you.” you replied, unable to explain your feelings. Thor just nodded, and then he reached into his pocket and pulled something out, holding his hand out to you.

In his palm sat a long twist of familiar looking black hair. The air was drawn swiftly from your lungs as you stared at it.

“I took it from him when I thought he’d died on Svarltalfheim. Then, obviously, I had no need for it, but I hung on to it anyway. I never understood why I did. But I did.” Thor told you. You couldn’t speak.

“Take it.” Thor told you. You took it. The void in your chest eased ever so slightly, the smallest amount possible.

“I-” you couldn’t think of anything to say. This meant more to you than Thor could ever begin to imagine.

“It’s okay.” Thor said, getting to his feet.

“Thor, wait. Don’t you want it?” you asked, looking up at him. You prayed he would say no.

“I feel as though you need it more than I do.” he replied, looking at the lock of his brother’s hair sadly. You stood up and hugged him.

“I’m sorry.” you spoke into his chest.

“Whatever for?” Thor asked incredulously.

“I’ve been awful this week. I just- I don’t know… I just feel so _empty_. Or angry.” you explained.

“You’re allowed to not know for a while. We all are.” Thor told you reassuringly, placing a huge hand on your head.

“I’ll miss you so much.” you told him.

“And I you. You must visit, soon.” Thor said, looking down at you solemnly.

“I will.”

“Promise.”

_Promise. On my life._

“Promise.” you nodded, pushing the memory back deep into your mind.

…

Tony and Pepper left for Georgia two days later.

“You come and visit, alright?” Tony told you sternly when the time came to say goodbye.

“I’ll try.” you replied. The sun was setting on the horizon, beginning to turn the sky a deep, fiery orange.

“No, kid. You will. And I want to hear from you all the time okay? Call me whenever. I’m not losing contact with you for another two years.” he said, holding you by the shoulders. You hadn’t realised how much he was going to miss you; you’d been too caught up in your own feelings.

“Okay.” you said. He ruffled your hair and smiled sadly at you, before addressing Steve, Nat, Bruce and Rhodey who were stood behind you.

“You get her eyes back normal again, you hear me?”

You assumed they nodded, because then he was walking away towards one of his private jets where Pepper was waiting for him. You found yourself wondering how many more people were going to leave.

Once back inside Nat forced you to eat (it was the only time you would), and then you sat with her and pretended to watch TV, surreptitiously playing with a lock of your hair near the base of your neck. The second Thor had left you’d used magic to bind the lock of Loki’s hair to the base of a section of your hair and then braided it into yours tightly.

You hadn’t realised you were crying until you’d finished. It was hidden to anyone else, unless your hair was up, which you liked.

“Hey, Y/N.”

It was Bruce, bringing you back to the present moment. He was holding something in his hands.

“I found these. I don’t know if… you don’t have to, but-”

You went into his mind. They were pictures from when you’d all been living at the Tower together. You sat up straight and held your hand out almost anxiously.

“I want to. Please.”

Bruce came and sat next to you and Nat sat up on your other side to look as you took the photos out from their case gently and smiled, properly smiled, when you saw the top one.

It was a picture from the first ever party you’d attended at the Tower, less than a month after you’d moved in. You, Nat, Tony and Thor were singing with your heads thrown back, streamers and balloons from the ceiling obscured the picture, which was dark and blurry anyway. You looked so young; it felt like a million years ago.

Your cheeks hurt from the unusual effort of turning the corners of your lips upwards. The next photo was of Bucky and Clint; you stopped smiling.

“We don’t have to-”

“No. I want to.” you said firmly, cutting across Bruce, and then realising you’d been short with him again. He was shaking his head before you’d even opened your mouth to apologise.

“It’s okay, Y/N.”

The pictures made you _feel_ for the first time in weeks. The three of you spent almost two hours sat together going through them. Nat and Bruce both cried, you couldn’t seem to, not even at the ones of you and Loki. The majority of the photos were blurry, candid shots, mostly taken by Bucky or Tony. You’d hardly noticed them with a camera at the time.

“Can I keep some of these?” you asked Bruce, when you reached the end of the pile.

“Have them, they’re yours.” he told you kindly.

“Well… don’t you guys want some?”

“Yeah, I’ll take some.” Nat nodded, holding her hand out. Her and Bruce took a few each, and you kept the rest. By the time you finally went to bed it was almost 2am. This didn’t bother you, you were grateful for the distraction. The nights were the worst.

You sat on your bed and looked through the pictures again, this time separating the ones of Loki into a different pile. They made your heart _ache_. Some of them were from before you’d kissed for the first time; the thought of all that wasted time made you feel slightly ill.

Your favourite picture was one of you and Loki sat on a sofa together, but not together. It was from before you’d admitted your feelings: your face was full of laughter; watching someone (probably Tony) out of shot. Loki was watching you with a clearly supressed smile on his face. You’d been so awfully oblivious.

A sudden, tremendous feeling of anger came over you, the strength of which was such that it scared you a bit. You were rapidly overcome with the urge to get out of the compound; you needed to go somewhere, anywhere. Dropping the picture from your hand you stood up abruptly.

Outside it was raining heavily, but the air was warm. There was a storm coming.

You teleported further from the compound, not knowing where you were headed, only that you needed to get away. You wished you had your sword, more than anything. You wanted to stab something.

The anger was building in your chest. Anger at Thanos. Anger at Thor and Tony, for leaving you. Anger at _Loki_. How could he have left you? It was unfair. Everything was so _unfair_ …

You were in the city now, walking a few steps and then teleporting, not caring where you were headed, not caring who saw you. You weren’t even wearing gear, just leggings and a hoodie. No shoes. You were soaked through, but you weren’t cold.

A dark alleyway loomed ahead of you. There were people down there, huddled together in the rain and talking loudly, raucously.

Men. Men who had been taking advantage of the Blip: stealing, breaking the law…

You wanted to pick a fight. You didn’t have to.

“What have we got here then?” one of the men said loudly, drunkenly, staggering towards you. Some of them were sober, and armed. Those were the ones you wanted, not this fool. You shoved the drunk man over, correctly guessing his friends’ outraged response. There were about fifteen of them.

You smirked as they appeared from the shadows, shouting, your eyes burning.

Perfect.


	79. Bargaining

When you woke up, you were disappointed to find that the pain had subsided. All that remained was a dull ache across the left side of your face.

Bruce was stood looking over you.

“You have done some stupid things in your time, but this tops them all.” he told you disbelievingly.

“I don’t regret it.” you croaked stubbornly, trying to work out if you felt any better emotionally. You’d have to wait and see.

“Y/N, thank god. You were out for ages, what were you thinking?!” Nat exclaimed, having just rushed into the room.

“Are my eyes still purple?” you asked, sitting up.

“Yes.” they responded in union.

“You need to see this.” Bruce said suddenly, handing you a mirror.

“What am I looking at?” you asked in confusion.

“Take a look at yourself.” he replied.

You held the mirror up to your face, your jaw going slack with shock as you looked at your reflection.

A huge, bright red line ran from the top left corner of your forehead, all the way diagonally down through your eyebrow, across your left eyelid and down to your nose, where it stopped. There were stitches all through it.

“It’s a miracle he didn’t blind you in that eye. I don’t know how you got away with it.” Bruce said, sitting down next to your bed.

“Can you… I mean, will it…?” you couldn’t articulate your thoughts.

“Will it scar? Definitely.” Bruce said.

“Oh.” you replied. You felt as though you should feel more upset about the fact that you would live the rest of your life with a gigantic scar across the left side of you face. It was your own fault.

“Do you remember anything? What happened?” Nat asked you in concern.

“I don’t really know. I can’t remember much.” you lied. Bruce raised his eyebrows; Nat dropped the subject.

“You can’t go doing that again, okay? It’s dangerous, and there are people here you care about you, even if you seem to have no regard for your safety at the moment.” Bruce told you.

“Sorry.” you said. You meant it.

You’d gone a bit feral on the men in the alleyway. You hadn’t _killed_ anyone, but you hadn’t exactly been gentle. They had been trying to kill _you_ , in all fairness. You’d read their minds; that had been all the evidence you’d needed to attack them.

When one of the men had come towards you, knife raised, you’d hesitated. Only for a second, thinking about whether feeling pain would help with the emptiness you were experiencing. Maybe it would let it out. That second of hesitation had cost Bruce twenty stitches, and you a fat scar across your face.

The pain had helped a bit. The feeling of blood gushing down your face thick and fast took your mind off of the fact that Loki was dead. Until it didn’t. Then you’d teleported someplace really far away; an empty field, and screamed and sobbed some more, accidentally knocking down an entire barn with your magic. You hadn’t meant to do that.

You didn’t remember getting back to the compound.

“Y/N, I can’t imagine how awful this must be for you, but we care about you. You can’t keep going off and doing stupid things like that, okay?” Nat asked you seriously.

“I know. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” you replied, feeling for all the world like a naughty schoolgirl being scolded for skipping class.

“Okay. Thank you.” Nat said, placing a hand gently on your leg.

…

_Two weeks later_

You were getting used to the scar across your face. It made you look older. Or maybe that was just the grief.

You spent your days helping with setting up a new system to help with the consequences of the Blip; there was a lot to do. It helped to take your mind off of everything; you worked day and night. If you couldn’t help yourself, at least you could try and help others.

The latest form of torture your brain had decided upon was thinking up a million ‘if only’s’.

If only you hadn’t gone to sleep on Titan, you could’ve had a few more precious hours with him. If only Heimdall hadn’t sent you to Midgard with Bruce. If only you’d said yes to staying on Sakaar with him. If only Thor had never come to find you on Asgard. If only you’d gone to Asgard sooner. If only you’d _kissed_ him sooner.

According to Nat you were in the stage of grief called ‘bargaining’. Privately you thought that this was nonsense; there were no _stages_ to grief. Just a gigantic, awful, exhausting, relentless void, which wasn’t going away. But you could distract yourself from it slightly by working.

You’d received a letter from Thor (by _crow_ no less), telling you that Valkyrie, Sif and Korg were alive and well, but that there was no sign of your parents. You thought you should have felt sadder about this fact, but mostly you just felt happy that Valkyrie and Sif were okay. You wrote back immediately, saying that you would visit them soon, and that Thor had to learn how to use a phone.

Tony had also been video calling you almost every other day. When you’d answered with stitches all through your face he’d practically had a fit.

“Kid! What happened?!”

“I- uh. I fell down the stairs.”

“ _Y/N_.”

Nat, Bruce and Steve had been in big trouble for that. Rhodey had since left the compound; he had his own place. This morning there would be another departure.

“So, I’ve been thinking of moving out. Getting my own place.” Steve said casually over breakfast.

Nat was so upset that you almost couldn’t breathe for a second, but she held it in exceptionally well. Three days later and there were just three of you left. Steve left early in the morning, before the sun rose, so you, Nat and Bruce were up to watch the sunrise. You took breakfast and sat up on the roof together.

It was a nice sunrise; the sun felt warm on your face. Food was starting to get some flavour back. You felt okay for the first time in a while.

“What have we got on today?” Nat asked, dusting crumbs off of her lap.

“Meeting with Rocket this morning, and Rhodey said he might swing by later.” Bruce replied. Rocket and Nebula had gone back off to whatever planet they were from a while back, but you kept in contact with them about happenings in space, as you were with Carol.

You listened to Bruce and Nat talk, watching the horizon and thinking of the sunrises you’d watched on Asgard with Loki. You’d always be shattered, having had hardly any sleep every night from wandering around the palace, or engaging in other pursuits which hadn’t required you to leave your bed, but no matter how tired you both were you’d been happy every single morning. Without fail.

You missed Asgard so much, probably even more than you missed the Tower.

“Y/N?” Nat was talking to you. You looked up at her.

“Sorry, yeah?” you asked, having been a million miles away.

“I said you should have a day off. You’ve done ten times the work of any of us over the past few weeks; you deserve a break.”

You shook your head.

“I don’t mind. It helps.” you said firmly.

You had a good feeling about today.

“Y/N.” Bruce said suddenly; you turned back to see them both smiling at you.

“What?”

“Your eyes. They’re not purple anymore.”

You conjured a small mirror to your hands and snapped in open, looking into it quickly. They were right, your eyes were their normal Y/E/C hue again. The second you saw this, they flared purple. You felt awful, as though it was a projection of how sad you were over Loki’s death, and you’d failed some kind of grief test.

You didn’t feel any less awful. But this morning had just been… better.

“It’s progress.” Nat told you happily.

“Yeah.” you said, thinking that maybe you could finally see a bit of a path ahead of you. It was a horrible looking path, but it was there.


	80. Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of depression (obviously) and implied suicide

“Sh! We’ll get caught.”

“Calm down, so what if we do?”

“So what?! We’ll get thrown in the dungeons!”

“They can’t throw me in the dungeons again, I’m the king. Besides, who’s going to believe any guard who says they saw the dead prince sneaking around the palace at night with one of the maids?”

“…good point. But I still think-”

Loki grabbed your arm and pulled you behind a large column as two guards appeared around the corner.

_Carry on._

_Nothing._

_No please, continue. You were telling me that I was being too loud… and thus attracted the attention of those two guards._

His fingers dug into your ribs where he knew you were ticklish and you let out an indignant shriek, before clapping a hand over your mouth.

“What was that?!” one of the guards said loudly, advancing towards your hiding spot.

“I don’t know. Check the columns.” 

_We really need to work on your stealth technique._

_Stop it!_

You wrestled with Loki behind the column, trying to get his hands away from your ribcage and not laugh as the guard approached. The guard peered round the side of the column and Loki cast an illusion. You both fell still, stood inches away from the guard.

Loki’s hand snuck back towards your torso and you grabbed his wrist sharply, grinning, struggling not to make a noise. The guard moved past.

“There’s nothing here. It must have just been an animal or something.”

You turned to Loki as he dropped the illusion, smirking as he did so.

“That was your fault.” you whispered furiously, shoving him, unable to not smile at the look on his face.

“You’re the one who screamed.”

“I didn’t _scream_. And it was your fault.”

“Ridiculous.” Loki sighed, shooting you a sideways grin.

“You are.” you replied, pulling him out from behind the column now that the guards were gone. You walked hand in hand through the quiet of the palace until you came to the ballroom, the moonlight spilling into the room through the open far wall which led out to the courtyard.

“This is my favourite room-” you said began, looking up at the towering, decorative ceiling.

“-after the library.” Loki continued, “I know.”

You smiled, walking through the room, remembering the night you’d danced in here with Fandral, jealously watching Loki dance with other people all night.

_You looked so unbelievably beautiful._

_I know, Fandral told me._

Loki sighed and you laughed, turning to look at him. You stared at him for a second, unable to quite believe your luck, and then held out your hands.

“Dance with me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

“Shouldn’t it be… your wish is also my wish?” you asked teasingly as he walked towards you and took your hands in his.

“Fine, your wish is my wish.” he replied humorously, picking up one of your hands and placing his other hand on your waist, casting another illusion casually as two more guards walked past. You fell silent and put a hand on his shoulder, resting your head against his chest and watching the guards pass as you started to dance.

There was no music. You didn’t need any.

_Is this making up for the lack of dancing we did that night?_

_Nowhere near. I hated that night._

_You didn’t_ hate _it!_

_I only liked the parts when I was with you. The rest was awful._

_No, the most awful bit was almost getting to kiss you and then getting interrupted._

Loki laughed as he spun you round, holding you close against him when you came back into hold.

_I’d forgotten about that._

Eventually you grew tired of dancing, and with elaborate, sarcastic bows to one another you made your way towards the throne room. This was Loki’s favourite place to go during the nights, when he could sit on the throne as himself. With you.

You followed him up the steps to the throne and curtseyed deeply as he sat down.

“Stop it.” he smiled, holding an arm out for you to join him. There was enough room for you to squish side by side upon the throne, but Loki liked having you on his lap, and you liked sprawling sideways across the seat with your crossed legs over the side of the throne.

That’s exactly what you did now, leaning sideways against Loki as he put one arm around you and rested his other hand on your thigh.

“I know I say this almost every night, but I wish Odin could see this.” you told Loki happily.

“You, my love, obviously have some sort of death wish.” he replied, closing his eyes as you rested your head against the side of his and looked out across the throne room. It really was gigantic.

“You know what I mean. I want him to see this, and not be able to do anything about it.”

Loki hummed in agreement, his eyes still shut. You could feel happiness radiating from him, and you smiled lovingly, turning your head to look at him.

He was so tired from keeping an illusion up all day; you were worn out from working and training and pretending to grieve for him, but this time, this _exact_ time, made the work you both had to do in the day entirely worth it.

You moved your hand to lace your fingers through the fingers of his hand which was resting on the top of your legs, squeezing gently. Loki opened his eyes lazily, the corners of his mouth lifting as he looked at you.

_I love you._

Bzzzz. Bzzzzz.

Something vibrated loudly in your pocket. You ignored it determinedly, but it was too late.

You kept your eyes shut tight in an attempt to go back, but it was fading fast… and then it was gone. The sounds of the city became louder and louder until you were forced to open your eyes.

You’d been drawn from the memory.

You were lying on the edge of the top of a very, very large skyscraper, your legs dangling over the side. You phone buzzed again in your pocket. It would be Nat, asking where you were. Looking at the swiftly lightening sky, you became aware that you’d been sat atop the building all night.

She’d be worrying about you. You wished she wouldn’t.

It had been another two months. You’d given up waiting for a void in your chest to start shrinking. If anything it was growing day by day.

There had been times when you’d thought things were looking up; days when your eyes stayed their usual colour for the whole day and you felt better. And then suddenly you’d gone over the edge of a cliff, falling down further than you’d even been to start with.

You’d stopped working at all, spending days at a time locked in your room, not talking to anyone, wishing you could just turn your brain off… sometimes thinking about _actually_ turning your brain off.

You always found the strength to pull yourself back when your thoughts went down that route, if not for your own sake then for Tony’s, Thor’s, Nat’s, Bruce’s… and Loki’s. You wouldn’t do that to them.

Sitting up abruptly you swayed and almost went a little too far forward… your mist caught you and pulled you back. You pulled out your phone and looked at the screen, the messages on the screen confirming your suspicions.

You texted Nat ‘I’m fine.’

She texted you back almost immediately.

‘Where are you? I’ll come get you.’

Lovely, selfless Nat. You were treating her and Bruce so badly, especially as they were being so lovely and caring towards you. They’d started seeing each other, _finally_ , but they were trying to keep it from you in case it hurt your feelings.

The fact that they were together did make you feel entirely, devastatingly alone, but at the same time you couldn’t be happier for them. You decided that you would tell them so, today.

‘I’ll be back soon.’ you typed back to Nat, and lay back down again, reaching for the lock of Loki’s hair braided into yours. You looked up at the sky and wondered for the millionth time if he was watching you from somewhere. You hoped he wasn’t, it would kill him to see you like this.

Had you really just thought that? It would _kill_ him? Way to go Y/N.

Sometimes you wondered what it would have been like if it had been the other way round. You would be in blissful subconsciousness, not having to feel anything, not having to drag yourself out of bed, or shower, or eat, or _anything_. But you wouldn’t want Loki to have to go through what you were going through.

Everything was so difficult. Life felt like you were moving through a thick swamp; every action required ten times the effort it normally would have. Loki had got the better deal, in your opinion. Assuming that he was really dead, and not trapped somewhere.

You’d talked about this with someone since you’d been back on Midgard, maybe Bruce? Someone had told you about the Soul stone, and how that might be where half the universe had gone. Into a stone. A magical, glowing stone. You snorted derisively, hating everything.

No, you wouldn’t wish what you were going through on anyone, not even your worst enemy. Thanos you would make an exception for. But you certainly wouldn’t wish this upon Loki.

The sky was getting rapidly lighter; you didn’t want to move. Another day of nothing. Stupid, pointless, mind-numbing nothing. But you would do it.

You sat up again, this time more carefully, noting for the first time how cold you were. You’d never really felt the cold even before you’d started dating a Frost Giant; by now you thought you were practically immune to the cold.

Your hands said differently; they were tinged blue with cold. You rubbed them together vigorously; it did nothing. Sighing heavily, you stood up, stretched and then teleported back down to street level, before heading back to the compound.

Nat was waiting for you in the kitchen, with breakfast.

“For god’s sake, you’re freezing.” she told you by way of greeting.

“I know.” you replied, sitting up at the table and biting into a strawberry. It tasted of nothing.

“Where’s Bruce?” you asked, when Nat didn’t say anything.

“He’s in the lab. He’s leaving.”

You dropped the half of the strawberry you’d still been holding.

“No. What? I thought you were..?”

Nat looked up at you sharply. You sighed.

“I’m not completely blind, Nat.” you told her.

“I- we didn’t want to…” she stammered, you waved her excuses away.

“I’m happy for you both. Truly. But… why’s he leaving?” you asked.

“He hasn’t said anything yet, but he will, I know it. He keeps going on about ‘curing’ himself, even though…” she trailed off, overcome by emotion. You scooted your chair closer to hers and put an arm around her.

“I’m so sorry, you’ve lost so much and here I am crying over something so stupid.” she sniffed.

“It’s not stupid. You should talk to him about it.” you told her. She nodded, and then Bruce walked into the room.

“Hey, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly, making a beeline for Nat.

“I’m gonna go… shower.” you said, getting up from your seat.

“Take the food.” Nat demanded, pushing the bowl of fruit after you. Looking after you even while she was upset. You took the bowl and teleported to your room, placing the bowl on the floor and lying down on your bed, turning on the TV to drown out your thoughts.

It didn’t work, per usual. Bruce couldn’t leave. You couldn’t support Nat on your own, you couldn’t even support yourself.

You wished you had a fast forward button.


	81. Acceptance

_One month later_

It had been exactly five months since you’d lost Loki. Things were finally, _finally_ , getting better.

After Bruce had left in an attempt to try and ‘cure’ himself of Hulk, you and Nat had pulled together to keep each other’s morale’s high; you suspected that in helping one another you’d actually been helping yourselves. You worked tirelessly, having double the workload as before with only two of you, and thus tired yourselves out so much that you actually started sleeping at night again.

Sometimes you woke up reaching for Loki, and then had to fight the urge to go and sit on top of another skyscraper. You cried now, almost every night, but you recognised it as a good thing. Bottling your grief up had done nothing but prolong the process.

You’d visited Tony and Pepper at their place in Georgia for a weekend; it was gorgeous there. Seeing Tony so happy, instead of hurting you, made your heart mend a little more. He had pictures of him with both you and Peter in the kitchen.

He taught you how to fish on the lake in a tiny boat, and you sat out together late into the night next to a crackling fire under the stars, talking about the days you’d spent up there in the sky on that spaceship.

When you returned to the compound the chasm in your chest was a significant amount smaller. You told Nat that you were going to visit Thor in Norway.

And you did. You flew over two days later and hitched a ride down into ‘New Asgard’. It wasn’t a patch on the Asgard you knew and loved, but it was home for all of the Asgardians that remained, and that was what mattered.

You cried again when you saw Thor, it had been four long, horrible months since you’d last hugged him. While you appeared to be on the mend, Thor seemed to be getting worse. You could see why, the place they’d chosen to set up camp wasn’t exactly awe-inspiring.

Valkyrie had been over the moon to see you, as had Korg, although you weren’t sure why seeing as you’d spent a total of about twenty minutes with him on Sakaar. Seeing yourself through their minds had been a shock. You looked like a different person.

Sif had hugged you long and hard when she’d seen you; you’d both cried. She’d apologised for being so harsh to you, and you told her not to be stupid. Her forgiveness lifted a weight you didn’t even know you’d been carrying from your shoulders.

She took you to the graveyard, where you sat and talked to Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun. You couldn’t decide if you wished they were here or not.

Thor and Valkyrie gave you the tour, and then it started to rain so you went inside what was apparently the grandest building in New Asgard. It wasn’t overly grand. It didn’t have a throne room, for one; it didn’t even have two bathrooms, and the one bathroom it did have looked as though it might have a few mice living in it.

You had some warm soup which was actually quite nice, and then showed them the router you’d bought to set up some Wi-Fi so that you didn’t have to carry on sending letters by crow. That took the best part of an entire day, and then there was the problem of actually getting them to understand how to use a phone.

Valkyrie left as it began to get dark, but you stayed up with Thor all night talking about everything. Mostly Loki. You’d brought some pictures from the Tower to show him; he wanted to keep some.

“Do you still have the lock of hair I gave you?” he asked. You lifted your hair to show him that you’d braided it into your own and he nodded sadly.

“It’s all I have, apart from this.” you told him, twisting Frigga’s ring around your finger. Thor sniffed loudly; you didn’t look at him, pretending not to know that he was crying.

“I don’t think I can wear it anymore.” you admitted, your voice cracking.

“I- it’s fine you take it off Y/N. It must be… painful.” Thor told you firmly, but kindly, his voice thick with emotion. You nodded running your finger over the top of the ring.

“I miss him so much.” you whispered, aware suddenly as the words left your lips that that was the first time you’d said it aloud since you’d lost him. Tears filled your eyes as Thor put his arm around you and you leaned into him.

“I know. Me too.” he replied softly.

“And I miss Asgard. _So_ much. I feel as though this wouldn’t be so hard if we could just go _home_.” you were crying in earnest now, letting the void open wide.

“I know, I know.” Thor murmured soothingly, holding you until you stopped crying. The void started to close again when you were done, closing a bit further than it usually did, as was the case every time you cried at the moment. You were beginning to have some control over it.

“I want a new sword.” you told Thor, when you were both done crying. Thor chuckled.

“We’ll get you a new sword.”

When you returned to the compound again, the void was smaller again. You didn’t miss Loki any less; you still sobbed some nights because you thought you were forgetting what he sounded like, but you were beginning to cope.

You now knew that he was gone, for real. You knew that life was still going on, and that you had to as well.

Three nights after you returned from Norway you took Frigga’s ring off. The previous day you’d gone to a jewellery store and bought a tiny silver necklace with nothing on it; the store owner had taken one look at the ring on your finger and told you that a lot of women who had lost their husbands and fiancés had been doing the same thing. You couldn’t decide whether this made you feel better or worse.

Taking the ring off felt odd, but putting it on to the necklace and putting it around your neck didn’t. After almost half a year of wearing it on your finger you knew that it would take some getting used to.

Like the balance of your new sword, and the feel of Loki’s hair in yours, and the scar that now ran down the left side of your face.

But that was okay. You could do it.

You had to.


	82. Scott Lang

_Four and a half years later_

“Hey, where’s mine?”

“Get your own lunch, I’m starving.”

“That’s so _mean_ -”

“Shush, we’re in a meeting!”

You threw a scrunched up piece of paper across the table at Nat who dodged it and pulled a face at you, biting into her peanut butter sandwich. Her hair was its natural bright red again, except from the very bottom which was still blonde. You didn’t know why she didn’t cut the ends off; you’d never asked her.

Four years ago you’d formed a sort of committee: you, Nat, Steve, Rhodey, Rocket and Nebula, Carol and Okoye, from Wakanda. You were keeping track of any unusual activity; it had started off as a way to keep you and Nat sane, but it had evolved into something much bigger. The work you did had become widespread and important; it helped a lot of people.

Some small part of you knew that, deep down, you were all hoping for a miracle, even all this time later. You told yourself that you’d moved on, yet here you still were, four and a half years later, in the very building you’d returned to from space just after it had all started.

Still waiting. Hoping.

It was what you had solely been doing for the majority of the past four years. Other activities had included visiting Tony and Pepper in Georgia, who had since had a baby. Morgan was four, and you were her godmother. You’d sobbed when Tony and Pepper had told you the news. It was the first in a long series of good events which had led you to where you were now in life.

You visited New Asgard less frequently, but in your defence Norway was quite a bit further away than Georgia. Thor was doing… badly. You felt as though you’d swapped around: every time you visited you were a bit better and he was a bit worse.

About two years ago when you’d visited him, he had been so bad that you’d stayed over there for a month to try and help him get back on track. He’d lost the entirety of his family and his home, and he was still expected to act as king to the Asgardians that remained in New Asgard. Life wasn’t being kind to him.

Valkyrie and Sif were practically running the place; you couldn’t be more grateful for them. You tried to help Thor as best you could, but you barely knew how you were managing to get through your own grief, let alone how he should set about going through his.

You worried about him constantly, despite his incessant reassurance that he was doing okay whenever you facetimed him. If he worked out how to answer your call, that was. He was awful with technology.

No one really asked how you were doing, anymore. You couldn’t say you minded, preferring not to think about how you were doing unless you were alone and it was the dead of night.

You were doing well. Wellness was such a subjective term, though. Compared to when you’d been living on Asgard with Loki you were doing _awfully_ , but compared to when you’d been stuck on the spaceship with Tony and Nebula just after Loki had died you were doing really, really well.

It was just life, and you were living it. Some days you were happy and some days you were sad. The scar on your face had faded to a silvery white line which you’d grown used to. You didn’t notice the void in your chest anymore; you weren’t sure whether it had fixed itself or whether you’d just become used to it.

Sometimes it cracked a little when you thought about how you were going to be alone forever.

You’d gone out clubbing with Nat about eight months ago for the first time and got completely drunk; there had been this guy at the bar who you’d got on really well with and spent hours talking and dancing with him. The night had concluded in you going back to his place, and then you’d both cried in his kitchen and he’d freaked out because your eyes turned purple.

You’d convinced him that he was seeing things.

It turned out that he’d lost his new wife in the Blip too. He’d given you his number before you left, and you felt only slightly guilty throwing it in the trash when you got back to the compound before passing out on your bed.

Words couldn’t describe how awful you’d felt the next morning, and not just because you were hungover and couldn’t stop throwing up. You felt like you’d _cheated_ , even though deep down you knew that that was ridiculous.

You still weren’t over that night. It was the last time you’d been clubbing, and you doubted you’d go out again any time soon.

Being in a relationship was a far off memory, and as for talking through your mind to someone… you’d spent more time not having anyone to talk to than actually having someone there, so you could hardly remember what that had been like either.

You’d forgotten what Loki had been _like_. Thinking it sounded ridiculous, of course you hadn’t, but you couldn’t remember small things about him, the things that the pictures you had of him couldn’t tell you.

What he’d sounded like first thing in the morning. What it felt like to kiss him. How it felt to have someone in your head all the time. All of those things had been lost to time.

Maybe that made it easier to cope.

Frigga’s ring still sat around your neck on the silver chain. The lock of Loki’s hair was still braided into yours. You’d taken it out three times, each time to get your hair cut, after which you’d braided it straight back in, swapping sides every time you did, using magic to bind it to the base of the strands of your hair.

You had the pictures of you and him up now, on the walls of your room. Before, you’d been through a phase of hardly being able to look at them, and then you’d wanted to look at them all the time. There were others too: lots from the Tower, especially ones of you and Buck, but also ones of you with Morgan and Tony, with Nat and sometimes Steve, and with Thor, Sif and Val in Norway.

You’d taught Nat how to sword fight. Bruce had come by a few times as his new self, half Hulk, half Bruce, which you weren’t entirely sure about, but he was happy and that was all that mattered. That’s what Nat had told you, anyway.

Life kept happening.

At this exact moment, Nat had made herself lunch but not you, and you were in a meeting with Rocket, Nebula, Rhodey, Carol and Okoye, holograms of the five of them standing before you and Nat.

Rocket and Carol were arguing about something to do with garbage; Nat cut across them.

“You get a reading on those tremors?” she asked Okoye. You privately thought Okoye was the coolest woman you’d ever met. Well, not met. Seen, through a hologram.

“It was a mild subduction under the African plate.” Okoye replied.

“Do we have a visual? How are we handling it?” Nat asked. Okoye smiled thinly.

“Nat, it’s an earthquake under the ocean. We handle it by not handling it.”

“Carol, are we seeing you here next month?” Nat changed the subject unapologetically.

“Not likely.” Carol told her.

“What, you gonna get another haircut?” Rocket chortled. Carol’s hair was really short, flicked over the top of her head in a manner which you were sure not many other people would be able to pull off. Carol looked irritated, turning to Rocket.

“Listen fur-face, I’m covering a lot of territory. The things that are happening on Earth are happening everywhere, on thousands of planets.”

“All right, all right. That’s a good point.” Rocket murmured, turning away.

“So you might not see me for a long time.” Carol finished, turning back to face you and Nat.

“Alright. Uh, well. This channel is always active, so if anything does go sideways… anyone’s making trouble they shouldn’t… comes through us.” Nat said, and you nodded.

Everyone agreed, and one by one began to disappear.

“Good luck.” Carol addressed Rhodey, before cutting her line. Rhodey stayed.

“Where are you Rhodes?” you asked him, hoisting yourself up on to the table top and swinging your legs around to face him.

“Mexico. The Federals found a room full of bodies. Looks like a bunch of cartel guys. Never even had the chance to get their guns off.” he told you and Nat. You could see where this was going. Clint had been off grid for a while.

“I’m gonna go grab some food.” you said, hopping off of the table and putting a hand on Nat’s shoulder as you moved through to the kitchen. You knew how she worried about Clint; you couldn’t say you shared her concern. Everyone had lost loved ones, but you didn’t see people becoming assassins left right and centre.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You looked up in surprise to see Steve coming through the door.

“Hey, Steve, good to see you. How are you?” you asked him as he took his jacket off.

“I’m good, I just finished another therapy session.”

You chatted with him while you made lunch for you both, and then walked back through to Nat, who looked as though she’d been crying.

“You here to do your laundry?” she asked when she saw Steve.

“And to see some friends.” he replied, moving to sit on one side of her. You sat on the table and started eating.

“Clearly your friends are fine.” Nat said, gesturing at you and herself.

“One of them seems to be.” Steve said, looking at you pointedly.

“I skipped breakfast, alright?” you protested, struggling to speak through a mouth full of food.

“You know… I saw a pod of whales when I was coming up the bridge.” Steve told you both.

“In the Hudson?” Nat asked disbelievingly.

“There’s fewer ships, cleaner water…” Steve said. You quickly lost your appetite.

“If you’re about to tell me to look on the bright side, I’m about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.” Nat threatened him.

“Sorry, force of habit.” Steve smiled, “You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on and… grow. Some do. But not us.”

“If we move on, who does this?” you asked.

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be done.” Steve suggested. You kept your mouth shut.

“I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job, this family. And I was… I was better because of it. And even though they’re gone, I’m still trying to be better.” Nat admitted.

“I think we all need to get a life.” Steve said. You laughed, and he smiled at you.

“You first.” Nat said.

Suddenly, the camera footage from the front gate appeared on the hologram screen before you. You jumped down from the table and stared at the man who was talking loudly at the camera.

“Oh, hi! Hi! Is anyone home? This is Scott Lang, we met a few years ago at the airport, in Germany? I got really big, and I had my mask on. You wouldn’t recognise me!” the man shouted.

“Is this an old message?” Steve asked incredulously, standing up.

“It’s at the front gate.” Nat said in disbelief, also standing up.

“Ant-Man? Ant-Man, I know you know that. I need to talk to you guys.” the man was saying.

“Who _is_ this dude?” you asked, frowning.

“He fought with us when… uh-”

“When the whole Sokovia accords deal happened.” Nat finished for him.

“Oh. Why’s he here now? And what is he _wearing_?” you asked, peering at him.

“I’ll let him in.” Nat said, running from the room. You were so confused; what did he want? About thirty seconds later Nat returned, with Scott in tow.

“Scott, are you okay?” Steve asked him in concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Hi, we haven’t met. I’m Scott.” Scott said, spotting you and immediately introducing himself.

“Y/N.” you replied, but he’d already let go of your hand and had begun to pace the room. You threw a look at Nat, but she was staring at Scott.

“Have you ever studied Quantum Physics?” he suddenly asked the three of you.

“Only to make conversation.” Nat replied.

“Alright. So, five years ago, right before Thanos, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. The Quantum Realm is like its own microscopic universe. To get in there, you have to be incredibly small. Hope, she's my... she was my... she was supposed to pull me out. And then Thanos happened, and I got stuck in there.” Scott told you, speaking incredibly quickly. You had to concentrate just to keep up.

“I’m sorry, that must have been a very long five years.” Nat said solemnly.

“Yeah, but that’s just it. It wasn’t. For me, it was five _hours_.” Scott said seriously. It took you a moment to understand what he’d said. Steve and Nat were looking at each other in bewilderment. Before you could open your mouth to ask one of the many questions you had, he was talking again.

“See, the rules of the Quantum Realm aren’t like they are up here. Everything is unpredictable. Is that anybody’s sandwich? I’m starving.” he said, picking up Steve’s sandwich and biting into it.

“Scott, what are you saying?” Steve asked.

“What I'm saying is, time works differently in the Quantum Realm. The only problem is right now, we don't have a way to navigate it. But what if we did? I can't stop thinking about it. What if we could somehow control the chaos, and we could navigate it? What if there was a way to enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point in time but then exit at another point in time? Like... like before Thanos.”

Your mind was going at a hundred miles an hour. Time travel? Was he being serious, or was he just mental? Was this the hope you’d been waiting for?

“Wait, are you talking about a time machine?” Steve asked incredulously.

“No, no. Of course not. Not a time machine. It’s more like a… yeah, a time machine.” Scott said. The flicker of hope you’d just experienced got snuffed out. You’d been stupid for even allowing it to ignite. Scott had registered the look on your face.

“I know it’s crazy, but I can’t stop thinking about it. There’s gotta be some way… there’s gotta be. It’s crazy.”

“Scott, we get emails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy anymore.” Nat told him kindly.

“So… what do we do?” Scott asked, sitting down heavily in a chair.

Nat and Steve both looked to you, their hopeful thoughts clear in your mind. You wished you could feel more hopeful.

“We need Tony.”


End file.
